Work Text:
The drink you spilt all over me
“Lover’s Spit” left on repeat
My mom and dad let me stay home
It drives you crazy, getting old
Hajime sits at a bar, Tooru beside him. It’s nearing midnight and neither of them have said anything for the hour and half they’ve been here.
Hajime was here first, his head thumping against his skull after hours of looking at a computer screen. Why did he stay late again? Right. Tooru and him had a fight. Something about working too much, how they never see each other anymore. He knew Tooru’s mood wouldn’t be any better if he went home and the thumping in Hajime’s head was worse enough.
It only took ten minutes until Tooru walked into the bar. Hajime only spared him a glance as he took a sip of his beer, music playing softly in the background. The thumping was still there. Tooru ordered one of his stupid fruity drinks and they sat in silence.
What’s the point of fixing something if you hardly use it anymore?
We can talk it so good
We can make it so divine
We can talk it good, how you wish it would be all the time
There are times when they see each other for more than a couple minutes. They don’t talk about the fights or how the only time they see each other is in the morning when they get ready or coming home to the other sleeping. Those things have just wiggled their way in. They’re just there, each one quietly pulling them farther and farther apart.
But those times where they can eat dinner together or watch a movie, it was like nothing had changed. They ate noodles, their legs twisted together under a blanket while they watched some shitty alien movie. They would talk and chuckle and fall asleep against each other. Those nights were perfect. But they didn’t happen often.
The drink you spilt all over me
“Lover’s Spit” left on repeat
My mom and dad let me stay home
It drives you crazy, getting old
It’s a different night when Hajime goes to the bar again, the same song playing softly. Tooru shows up again only minutes later. This time they talk about volleyball. Neither of them have played for years. Tooru pushed his knee too much in college and was told he couldn’t play anymore.
Tooru made Hajime keep playing, but he stopped once they graduated college. They got an apartment and boring jobs and long work hours.
Hajime can’t remember the last time they kissed.
The drink you spilt all over me
“Lover’s Spit” left on repeat
My mom and dad let me stay home
It drives you crazy, getting old
It was suppose to be a perfect night. But Tooru brought up marriage and Hajime didn’t want to hear it. Why would he bring it up if they haven’t even held hands in months? Tooru was more hurt that Hajime expected and he ended up locking himself in their bedroom.
When was the last time Hajime said he loved Tooru?
This dream isn’t feeling sweet
We’re reeling through the midnight streets
And I’ve never felt more alone
It feels so scary getting old
They always talked about getting an apartment together, living together since they were kids. They talked about how Tooru would probably stuff their kitchen with milk bread and Hajime would cook.
They talked about it in elementary school when they would stay over at each other’s houses, staying up and watching scary movies.
They talked about it in junior high when Tooru was feeling his worst.
They talked about it in high school after Tooru hurt his knee and Hajime promised to be there for him through it all.
They talked about it in college when they finally got together. When they told each other they loved the other between kissed.
They lived it now, and it left a sour taste in Hajime’s mouth as he walked home from the bar. It wasn’t how either of them expected it to be. Their kitchen didn’t have milk bread and Hajime never cooked once their work schedules filled up their time.
Hajime never thought he be lonely if Tooru was in his life.
We can talk it so good
We can make it so divine
We can talk it good, how you wish it would be all the time
When that rare night comes again they talk about the last movie they saw at the midnight opening, as if it hadn’t happened years ago. They talk about how they met. They talk about the past.
Hajime realizes it’s because there’s no present to talk about.
This dream isn’t feeling sweet
We’re reeling through the midnight streets
And I’ve never felt more alone
It feels so scary getting old
One night Tooru doesn’t come home. Hajime is probably more worried than he should be. They never see each other this late, anyways. Even when they end up at the bar one of them goes home first. One of them always comes home and falls asleep next to the other-already asleep.
When was the last time they said goodnight?
This dream isn’t feeling sweet
We’re reeling through the midnight streets
And I’ve never felt more alone
It feels so scary getting old
Hajime finds Tooru the next night asleep in bed and the extra tension in his shoulders fade away. He lays beside Tooru and watches his sleeping face. For the first time in a while, Hajime reaches forward and brushes Tooru’s hair back from his face.
Hajime doesn’t remember the shades of Tooru’s eyes.
I want them back (I want them back)
The minds we had (The minds we had)
How all our thoughts (How all our thoughts)
Moved around our heads (Moved around our heads)
Hajime starts coming home early. His chest aches to see Tooru more. He wants to finally talk. He didn’t realized how far they had drifted from each other. It’s like he can feel a piece of his chest missing. Tooru. And replacing it, loneliness. He wants Tooru back. Hajime needs to tell him he loves him.
Would Tooru say it back?
I want them back (I want them back)
The minds we had (The minds we had)
It’s not enough to feel the lack (I want them back. I want them back)
I want ‘em
He says it during one of their perfect nights.
“I love you.”
Tooru looks over at him, smiling brightly.
“I love you, too.”
He moves closer to Hajime, curling himself against Hajime’s side. He wrapps an arm around Tooru’s shoulders, feeling his chest fill with warmness.
Hajime didn’t know that Tooru had the same hole in his chest.
You’re the only friend I need (You’re the only friend I need)
Sharing beds like little kids (Sharing beds like little kids)
And laughing ‘til our ribs get tough (And laughing ‘til our ribs get tough)
But that will never be enough (But that will never be enough)
Things get better after that. They make an effort to see each other more. Some nights they fall into bed together, laughing and kissing like they were in college again. Other times they would watch horrible movies and laugh until there were tears in their eyes.
There was still distance between, things that needed sorted out and problems that needed talked about. But they weren’t lonely anymore. Because they had each other back.
That’s all they needed, right?
You’re the only friend I need (You’re the only friend I need)
Sharing beds like little kids (Sharing beds like little kids)
And laughing ‘til our ribs get tough (And laughing ‘til our ribs get tough)
But that will never be enough (But that will never be enough)
Almost everyday was perfect. They kissed and held hands again. They went to bed together. They smiled and joked. But the hole in Hajime’s chest never disappeared. Even when they were pressed together, whispering each other’s name, it wasn’t enough to fill the hole.
There was still distance between them and they didn’t know if they could fix it.
But that will never be enough
But that will never be enough
But that will never be enough
But that will never be enough
Life went on for them both. They were happy, but not completely. It wasn't because of their rocky relationship, but because their work still forced them apart sometimes when all they wanted was to see each other.
Hajime proposed a few years later and they got married. They realized they were stuck in the past, in the dreams of children and teenagers.
Things didn’t turn out how young Hajime and Tooru thought it would, but it was nearly perfect for the older Hajime and Tooru.