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“Appa, I’m worried,” comes Hana’s voice, soft and shy from where she stands close, like she’s afraid letting go of her father’s hand will have her whisked away immediately.
“About what?” Gyuvin asks, tilting his head down to look at his daughter with wide, worried eyes. She looks even smaller than usual, standing in the center of this grand elevator of this grand high-rise apartment building, surrounded by their suitcases.
Hana sniffs, averting her eyes as if embarrassed. “I’m worried Santa won’t be able to find us to bring presents.”
Gyuvin’s heart shatters. Everyone in his life had always told him he’d be a great girl-dad. And now, he is a girl dad, and he’s not sure they’re right, because every time his daughter is sad, he kind of feels like the world is ending. Or he wants to end the world himself. So actually, maybe he’s perfect as a girl dad.
“Santa can visit the entire world in one night, love. I promise he can figure out where we’re staying.”
Hana seems at least somewhat placated by that, though her hand stays tight in her father’s hand. “I know he doesn’t need a chimney, but does Ricky have a fireplace? I like fireplaces for our stockings.”
Gyuvin laughs a little. “I think Ricky has everything in his apartment.” As if to prove it, the elevator reaches the top floor, where Ricky’s penthouse waits. They step directly into his foyer, having been sent up by the attendant in the lobby, and its grandeur would surprise Gyuvin if he hadn’t known just how rich Ricky is since they were teenagers.
And while Gyuvin is extremely well-off in his own right, Ricky lives a life of wealth that goes beyond even his comprehension.
“I’ll be right there!” Ricky calls from somewhere out of sight, as Gyuvin and Hana haul their bags off the elevator and into the foyer. “I’m pulling all my holiday stuff out of storage; make yourself at home!”
Gyuvin’s only ever been to Ricky’s home one time, so he’s not really sure what that entails, but he at least busies himself with helping Hana out of her puffy winter coat. She looks so small in Ricky’s huge apartment, eyes wide as she stares around in wonder.
The place is exactly as Gyuvin remembers from the time he’d come here for a housewarming party. It’s opulent yet classy, with high ceilings and windows that showcase Ricky’s beautiful view of New York City. He’s started decorating for Christmas as well, the rather monochrome decorations broken up now with garland and red ribbons.
“Everything is so pretty,” Hana whispers to Gyuvin in the way that children do, where everyone can still hear what they’re saying.
“That means so much coming from the prettiest girl in the world,” Ricky says before Gyuvin can respond, finally coming into view. “I’m so happy to have you both here.”
Gyuvin knows Hana is a bit shy. She stays close to her father, though she doesn’t hide behind him entirely. She’s met Ricky a few times, but not enough to feel immediately comfortable with him. Still, she has good manners, and she speaks up.
“Thank you for letting us stay here so that Santa can find me,” she says sincerely, and Ricky looks pleased, bending at the waist to give her a little tap on her nose, which makes her giggle.
“I should be thanking you. This will be the most fun Christmas I’ve ever had.”
When Ricky straightens back up, he turns his attention to Gyuvin, and Gyuvin immediately starts to express his own gratitude.
“Ricky, seriously, thank—”
Ricky holds up a hand to stop him. “Don’t. It’s not a big deal, I told you that. It’ll be fun to have others around the house for the holidays since my mother won’t be around. Come on, let’s get your bags in and get you both settled.”
Gyuvin moves to take a few of their suitcases, Hana holds onto her small roller suitcase, emblazoned with the Barbie logo, and looks pleased with herself for having her own to carry. “Where is she traveling this year?”
Ricky rolls his eyes. “This year it’s the Bahamas. And she just had to leave before I was finished with a deadline, so it makes more sense for me to stay here. It all works out, anyway. I think the three of us will have a lot of fun.”
“My mommy went away for Christmas, too,” Hana pipes up as they follow Ricky down the hallway. “She’s on a cruise.”
She sounds a little sad about it, as any kid experiencing their first holiday with properly divorced parents might feel, but Ricky doesn’t even miss a beat.
“Well, I know what that means. Do you?” Ricky asks coyly, stopping outside a bedroom door.
Hana shakes her head. “What does it mean?”
Ricky grins, smug. “It means you get extra Christmas sweets, obviously,” he says, opening the door with a flourish.
Gyuvin’s eyes go wide in alarm. “Ricky, have you ever been around an eight-year-old on a sugar high? That’s—”
But his protests fall on deaf ears, because Ricky has unveiled the guest room where Hana will be staying, and everything immediately gets drowned out in her squeals of joy.
“I have my own Christmas tree!” she shrieks in delight, running over to it so she can admire the fake, but full-looking tree. “Appa, it’s decorated with Barbie ornaments!”
“Those were mine growing up. My mom pulled them out of storage for me when I told her I’d have a guest who really loves Barbie.”
Gyuvin steps into the room, really taking it in, as the lengths Ricky has gone to make his daughter comfortable settle over him. The bed is big and luxurious, but whatever sheets had been on it before are replaced with ones straight out of an eight-year-old’s dreams, colorful and soft. The tree that Hana had noticed immediately is indeed dressed to the nines with everything Barbie, from pink lights and garland, to miniature versions of the Barbie Dreamhouses that she asks for every year.
“Ricky,” Gyuvin says, tone hushed as he stands struck with awe. Hana is officially distracted, inspecting every inch of the tree. “You didn’t have to do all of this.”
Ricky turns to look at him, eyebrows lifted in surprise. “All this? This was barely anything. I owned all the ornaments already, anyway.”
Gyuvin shakes his head. “You already invited us to stay; anything beyond that is more than I could ever ask of you.”
Ricky rolls his eyes, smiling. “Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t ask for any of it.” He gives Gyuvin an encouraging pat on the shoulder. “Come on. I’ll show you where you’ll be staying next.”
Gyuvin knows there’s no point in arguing. Ricky’s always been like this, generous with his time, money, and space. In all the years Gyuvin has known him, Ricky has never hesitated to step up for someone in need.
It’s been like that since they first met, all the way back as college freshmen.
🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
If you ask Ricky when exactly he knew he was in love with Gyuvin, there will never be any hesitation. Ricky falls in love with Gyuvin the second he sees him, when he’s stumbling into their shared dorm room as a freshman at New York University. He’s carrying too many boxes, his glasses are foggy from stepping into the air conditioning out of the humidity, and he’s wearing a retainer on his top teeth.
Ricky thinks his breathing stops.
“Hey!” Ricky’s roommate greets him brightly, setting his boxes down on the available twin bed. “Ricky, right? I’m Gyuvin.”
Gyuvin has an accent, and his smile is audible in his voice. Ricky’s tongue feels a bit like it’s glued to the roof of his mouth, and he’s definitely staring at the boy whose hand is extended for Ricky to shake.
Ricky clears his throat, stepping forward to take it. “I’m Ricky. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“No accent! Are you American?”
Ricky nods. “I’m from Los Angeles.” He realizes rather belatedly that he’s still holding onto Gyuvin’s hand, so he pulls away. “You’re from…?”
“Korea,” Gyuvin answers, still smiling so brightly. “I’ve lived here since I was fifteen, though. Here, as in New York.”
Ricky opens his mouth to ask more questions, even though he’s not sure where to start. He wants to know everything about Gyuvin, preferably immediately, the entire semester ahead of them, too long to wait to learn what makes this pretty boy with his pretty smile and pretty proportions and pretty hands tick.
There’s a knock on the open door before Ricky can pick a question, however, and his mouth falls shut.
“Babe, you told us the wrong floor! We were knocking on some random guy’s dorm,” the girl in the doorway says.
Ricky’s eyes land on her. She’s pretty, blonde hair curled perfectly, not a single hint of frizz from the August air outside. Her eyes are a piercing blue, and she uses them now to look at Ricky.
“Oh, hi! I didn’t realize Gyuvin’s roommate was here already!” The pretty girl steps further into the room, her smile wide and pretty. “I’m Ava, Gyuvin’s girlfriend.”
Ricky allows just a moment for his heart to shatter, and then sink, a split second that’s only perceptible to him because it feels a bit like it goes on for an eternity. Once it passes, Ricky is smiling in return, tucking away the part of him that had been ready to fully spiral into a crush on his roommate and deciding instead they’d be best friends.
“Hi, Ava, I’m Ricky. Your hair is gorgeous. Please tell me your entire haircare routine from start to finish.”
Gyuvin holds up his hands as if in surrender, as Ava looks delighted, stepping further into the room. “You two have fun with that. I’m going to get more of my stuff.”
And to Ricky’s credit, he gives his full attention to Gyuvin’s girlfriend, instead of watching Gyuvin leave.
It’s a long day of unpacking, of emotional goodbyes to family and, in Gyuvin’s case, his girlfriend.
Despite how exhausted they both are when Ricky and Gyuvin finally climb into their parallel twin beds that night, neither of them seems to be able to sleep. It’s quiet, at least, probably for the first time all day. Ricky doesn’t think they stopped talking for a single moment. He feels like he already knows Gyuvin, as if he’s known him all his life.
Gyuvin is majoring in photography. Gyuvin doesn’t drink or smoke. Gyuvin is the oldest of four.
And most importantly, Gyuvin has been dating his girlfriend Ava since he was sixteen years old.
But Ricky is compartmentalizing it. Trying to avoid having even the slightest crush on Gyuvin will likely be impossible, but what’s most important to him is knowing that he’s extremely lucky to get along so well with the person he’ll be sharing a room with for at least a year.
“Is it weird? Being so far from home?” Gyuvin asks him quietly, as if afraid Ricky may have fallen asleep.
Ricky hasn’t, so he answers. “To me, I guess it feels that way just because home is on the opposite side of the country. But surely it felt further for you to move from Korea.”
It’s dark, but Ricky can see the outline of Gyuvin shrugging. “That was a few years ago. You just got here today.”
Ricky supposes that’s true, and he does feel a sort of ache in his heart for home, for the space he shares with his mother and his friends.
But then he looks at Gyuvin, and something settles.
“I’m excited for a new adventure,” Ricky says.
He can hear the smile in Gyuvin’s voice when he answers.
“Me too.”
They’re best friends their entire time at university. While the concept of being attached at the hip certainly wasn’t created by Gyuvin and Ricky, they certainly embody it entirely.
Gyuvin submits photos of Ricky for projects. Gyuvin serves as Ricky’s mannequin when he’s finishing a garment for one of his own classes. He never complains once when Ricky accidentally pokes him with his straight pins, and Ricky supposes it’s a fair exchange for the way his ridiculous crush on Gyuvin pokes at his heart for four entire years.
Ricky is a firsthand witness to the strain university puts on a relationship, first with the distance when he and Gyuvin are freshmen, then with the time constraints when Ava starts her first year, and they’re sophomores.
And Ricky likes Ava. They become genuine friends. She starts offering herself as a model for Ricky’s end-of-year fashion portfolios as well.
Photographed by her boyfriend, of course.
But at the end of the day, Gyuvin is his best friend, and Ricky is the one who listens to his woes when things in his relationship aren’t going well.
It’s up-and-down all the way until their senior year: busy schedules causing distance in their relationship, a natural sort of jealousy on either side, and growing into people who are different from who they were in high school.
There’s a particularly rough week during their senior year when Ricky barely sees Gyuvin. And when he does, Gyuvin is on his phone, seemingly texting Ava and radiating lethal levels of stress.
Ricky doesn’t ask. He can’t bring himself to do it because he knows somewhere in the deepest recesses of his heart, there will always be a part of him that shamefully hopes for the end of their relationship. Acknowledging that part of him gives it power, so Ricky ignores it.
Gyuvin finally tells him on his own, anyway. They’re only a couple of weeks out from graduating when Ricky returns to their shared dorm on a Friday afternoon. They’ve been roommates all four years of college, and there’s a lingering sadness in their room daily now at the thought of this chapter coming to a close.
Gyuvin is sitting at the edge of his bed, clearly waiting for Ricky to come back. Ricky sets his stuff down, eyes on Gyuvin.
“Hey. Is everything okay?”
Ricky knows it’s not, of course, but it seems like Gyuvin might be ready to talk about it.
“Ava is pregnant.”
And Ricky knows how this is going to go, of course. One of the many reasons he can’t seem to get past his feelings for Gyuvin is because of what a good person Gyuvin is. Ricky loves him, really, and since he loves Gyuvin, there’s no doubt in his mind about what Gyuvin will do about this.
Sometimes Ricky thinks he’s a bad person, and he feels that same way now, with the way his heart breaks at the thought of the person he loves making the selfless choice.
“I’m here for you, whatever you need,” Ricky tells him.
Despite how it hurts, he means it.
After that, adulthood takes them both by storm. While college had seen them attached at the hip, stepping into their next chapters changes things.
It doesn’t necessarily change how Ricky feels, but it does change how often they see each other, which certainly helps.
Ava has the baby, a daughter whom they name Hana. Ricky doesn’t meet her until she’s almost seven months old, too busy overseas working as an intern with a designer in Italy.
When Ricky holds her for the first time, she blinks up at him with eyes that are identical to Gyuvin’s.
Ricky attends their wedding, a small affair when Hana is two years old. Ava makes a beautiful bride, and Ricky is genuine when he tells her just that.
As their lives change and the years go by, Ricky wouldn’t say that their friendship has become less meaningful. They’re just busy adults with busy lives.
Ricky finishes his internship and launches his own brand. It’s not exactly an overnight success, but it’s about as close as it can get. He finds himself extremely sought after and flies all around the world for fashion shows, commissions, and to find inspiration for his designs.
Gyuvin makes a name for himself as a photographer, his photos gracing the covers of everything imaginable, ranging from Time Magazine to Vogue.
They encounter each other often, but not consistently, nothing like the way they’d been inseparable in college. Ricky hires Gyuvin to photograph his newest line, or Gyuvin will be the photographer for a shoot that Ricky is styling.
They never truly leave each other’s orbits, and Ricky never has a chance to fully remove Gyuvin from his heart, even when he attempts to date others throughout the years.
“I liked that one,” Gyuvin will tell him when they run into each other after Ricky’s had another break-up. “But it’s good that you’re picky. You deserve the best.”
Ricky thinks that maybe he was born into the wrong life. Maybe in another life, he and Gyuvin are together, but he’s landed in the one where Gyuvin is married with a daughter.
They attend Ricky’s housewarming party as a family when Hana is six years old, and Ricky has just purchased his dream penthouse.
Hana is shy, but she greets Ricky politely. She’s the spitting image of Gyuvin, as if he’d been shrunken down and given long hair. It makes something deep in his chest ache.
Gyuvin knows quite a few people at the party from his own work in the industry, so Ricky ends up talking to Ava alone for a bit, both of them watching her husband as he mingles, Hana clinging to him the whole time.
“He misses the way things were for you two in college, you know,” Ava tells him. “He misses being close with you like that.”
Ricky turns to her in surprise. “He said that?”
Ava shakes her head. “He doesn’t need to. I can just tell.”
Ricky isn’t entirely sure what to do with that. He doesn’t think she’s speaking with malice or an accusation. If anything, she sounds like she’s trying to share something with Ricky out of kindness.
“I miss him too,” Ricky finally says, and neither of them says anything else as they turn their attention back to Gyuvin, who’s laughing loudly and smiling brightly, as easy to love as ever.
It’s been nearly eight years since Ava got pregnant, when Ricky and Gyuvin run into each other at a fashion show in Paris; Ricky’s designs are the feature, and Gyuvin has been hired as the photographer.
They’ve done this so many times now that Ricky knows exactly what to expect: they greet each other with a hug, update each other on their lives, and then focus on their jobs.
What he doesn’t expect is Gyuvin dropping news on him the second they’re face-to-face.
“Ava and I started the process of getting a divorce.”
Ricky blinks at him. “What?! Gyuvin, what happened?”
Gyuvin shrugs, busying himself with setting up his camera equipment at the end of the runway. “It was a long time coming. It’s not like we’ve been fighting or like we hate each other. We just don’t love each other anymore.” He pauses, twisting the lens cap of his camera in his hands with palpable nervous energy. “Maybe we haven’t for a long time. It was crazy, right? Marrying my high school girlfriend?”
Ricky softens, stepping forward to place a comforting hand on Gyuvin’s shoulder. “Sometimes that works out, Gyuvin. It wasn’t a bad thing to try. Especially not if you got Hana out of it.”
Gyuvin sighs, tilting his head to the side to nuzzle his cheek against Ricky’s hand on his shoulder, just for a moment. “I know that. I still just… feel bad, I guess. I do love her, just not like that.”
Sometimes, over the years, Ricky has wondered if he’s a bad person; if maybe the feelings he can’t help make him rotten from the inside out. He wonders if that side of him that he considers to be so awful will appear now, if he’ll celebrate the end of his friend’s marriage.
He doesn’t feel it, though. He just aches for Gyuvin, and for Ava, and for Hana. It’s the pang in his stomach of knowing that people change over time, and that they’re not the same people they were back in college.
“It’s best for all of you if you aren’t trying to force it,” Ricky finally manages. “You both deserve to feel like you love the person you’re with in every possible way.”
Ricky has always wanted that for Gyuvin, regardless of who ultimately gives it to him.
Ava and Gyuvin have been separated for four months when Ricky bumps into Ava at a work event. He sees her occasionally, working as a PA for models or designers. She’s as lovely as ever, as kind as ever, and as they greet each other, it causes Ricky to still feel a little baffled that things could’ve ever gone wrong between her and Gyuvin.
“I’m assuming you’ve heard,” she says to him in lieu of a greeting, once they break apart from their hug.
“Yes, he told me when we worked in Paris together earlier this year,” Ricky admits, seeing no reason to lie. He knows a lot of the guilt he feels around Ava is self-centered, considering himself more important than he is. His behavior around Gyuvin has always been perfectly appropriate. “Are you doing okay?”
Her answering nod seems genuine. “I feel relieved. I think it’s nice for both of us to just acknowledge that we’re different people now instead of trying to stay together out of… whatever obligations we feel.”
Ricky mirrors her nod, understanding. “Not that I have the long-term relationship experience to understand, or a kid for that matter, but I think that makes plenty of sense.”
Something in Ava’s expression shifts, her smile softening into what Ricky thinks looks a lot like empathy. “Can I be perfectly honest? At the risk of maybe causing you pain.”
Ricky’s eyes go wide in surprise. “Well, sure. Even if that sounds a little scary.”
Ava seems to consider him for a long moment before finally continuing.
“I think if Gyuvin had met you first, it would’ve been you.”
And as the words sink in, Ricky supposes he can see why Ava would be concerned that saying such a thing would hurt him. Maybe it would have back when they were all teenagers, and his feelings felt like something that was a divine punishment for a crime he didn’t even know he committed.
Now, with a child in the picture that Ricky can’t imagine Gyuvin without, and all of them grown and matured, it just feels like acceptance from a woman he’s always wondered if he wronged with his silent feelings. It’s nice to know he never has.
“Maybe,” Ricky answers softly. “I suppose it doesn’t matter. Everything worked out the way life intended.”
Ava nods in agreement. “If you feel that way, I hope that means that should things change between the two of you in the future, you won’t question it or worry about my feelings.”
That one actually catches Ricky off guard, eyebrows lifting. “You don’t think he—”
“No,” Ava quickly interrupts. “I don’t think he’s been secretly harboring feelings for you, no. I think Gyuvin gives all of himself to whoever he loves.”
Ricky knows that’s true. He’s witnessed it for years.
Ava continues. “But I think with the chance available…it’s possible. And I don’t want you to close yourself off to that under the guise of some misguided guilt you don’t need to feel.”
Ricky’s breath catches in his throat. He supposes it’d been silly to assume his feelings had always stayed hidden. It’s at least a comfort to know that Ava doesn’t seem to resent him for it.
He doesn’t know what to say, which he supposes is fine because Ava is being called for, and she reaches up to give Ricky’s shoulder a squeeze.
“It’s not just Gyuvin and me that deserve to be happy, Ricky,” she tells him, before heading off to her client, and leaving Ricky alone to consider for the first time that maybe it’s not a door that’s closing, but instead one that’s opening.
Ricky and Gyuvin meet up for coffee three months after Gyuvin’s divorce is finalized, and a week before Hana’s winter break is about to start. Ricky suspects a simple catch-up, but what he finds is Gyuvin looking more stressed than he would in college during finals week.
“Whoa, what’s going on?” Ricky asks, sitting across from Gyuvin and passing him a coffee. “This is a big difference from how happy you sounded on the phone.”
Gyuvin lets out a sigh, wrapping his hands around his mug of coffee. “My new apartment’s renovations aren’t finished yet because the contractor had a family emergency. Which is fine, and my lease on my studio is long enough, but…it’s just really cramped.”
It takes Ricky a moment, and then he realizes the issue. “And you’ll have Hana for the winter break.”
Gyuvin nods. “And it’s not like it’s Ava’s fault, either. This will be the first time she’s seen her sister in years, and I told Hana she should go with her to spend Christmas with her mom and aunt, but… well, Hana is particular about Christmas.”
Ricky smiles. “I don’t blame her. New York is kind of an elite Christmas location.”
Gyuvin huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, and she absolutely had no desire to go anywhere else. And I just—it’s silly, but the thought of keeping her all cramped up in my temporary studio without the type of Christmas she’s used to, I just feel bad. It’s already her first holiday after the divorce.”
Ricky vocalizes the idea before it even fully forms in his brain.
“Stay with me then.”
Gyuvin looks at Ricky with the surprise that he’s currently feeling at his own boldness. It’s not even that he thinks his own intentions are under the umbrella of trying to make Gyuvin see him romantically. It’s more about unlearning his habit of stepping back out of fear of crossing boundaries.
“Ricky, I couldn’t ask that of you.”
“You didn’t,” Ricky points out. “I offered. I have two guest rooms that rarely get any use and more space than I know what to do with. You can give Hana the Christmas she’s used to, and have somewhere way better than a studio to stay until your new place is ready.”
Ricky knows Gyuvin well, and he can see that Gyuvin wants to argue. The problem, however, is that Ricky’s logic is airtight. So he doesn’t even bother, instead sighing. Ricky grins triumphantly.
“Alright. It’s too generous, but we’ll do it.”
Ricky barely hears Gyuvin giving in, too busy already making a list in his head of all the things he’ll need to get in order to make the holiday magical for all of them.
🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
Gyuvin wakes up on the first day of his daughter’s winter break with the sun already streaming through the expensive curtains in Ricky’s guest bedroom. He sits up in a panic, unable to remember the last time he’d slept this late ever since Hana was born. Then he calms down, remembering where he is, and allowing himself the time to get out of bed at a slow pace. Hana doesn’t have school until after the new year, anyway.
Ricky’s guest room is just as luxurious as the rest of the place. Ricky has placed a Christmas tree in here as well, decorated with neutral baubles in comparison to the explosion of pink he’d done for Hana. It’s nice regardless, a personal touch.
Gyuvin gets up and crosses to the window, taking in the incredible view. Ricky’s penthouse overlooks the Hudson from high above, and it makes Gyuvin hope that the predictions for a white Christmas end up true. This view has to be gorgeous in the snow.
He can’t appreciate it much longer, though, because he’s certain Hana is awake. She’s probably lying awake, waiting impatiently for Gyuvin to come and get her out of bed, too shy to venture out into a new space on her own.
So it’s a surprise when he opens his bedroom door and is greeted by Hana’s already open door across the hallway, the room clearly empty. He can hear voices from the open-plan kitchen and living area down the hall.
Gyuvin finds Ricky and Hana at the kitchen island, Hana showing Ricky something on her tablet, with plates of bagels in front of them.
“Hey,” Gyuvin greets, crossing the island to kiss the top of Hana’s head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep in.” He looks up at Ricky. “Did she wake you up?”
Ricky shakes his head, pulling his eyes away from the screen of Hana’s tablet. “Not at all. I had a work call pretty early and heard her awake, so I invited her out to help me order breakfast.”
“This one is yours, Appa,” Hana announces cheerfully, pushing a wrapped bagel sandwich towards Gyuvin. “I was showing Ricky oppa my to-do list.”
Ricky nods seriously. “She was. Very organized, you know. I might snatch her away as my personal assistant one day.”
Gyuvin stands across from them, taking his sandwich from his daughter. “I’m afraid she’s only that organized when it comes to her Christmas traditions. So maybe if you make your clothing line Christmas themed year-round.”
“I would absolutely do that, yes.”
Gyuvin smiles, both at Ricky’s acceptance of his daughter and at how pleased Hana looks with herself. “Okay, then, pop quiz. What does Hana like to do for the holidays?”
Now both Gyuvin and Hana are blinking at Ricky expectantly with identical, wide eyes. Ricky doesn’t seem remotely phased. Instead, he ticks items off on his fingers as he starts to list them.
“Her big three are: ice skating at Rockefeller Center, seeing the Rockettes, and meeting Santa at Macy’s.”
Gyuvin nods, impressed. “You got it, that’s—”
“And,” Ricky interrupts, looking smug. “Hot chocolate and those old-fashioned claymation Christmas movies on Christmas Eve, matching pajamas for everyone, and cinnamon rolls for Christmas morning breakfast.”
Gyuvin feels even more impressed, and admittedly, a little fond. “You were really listening to her.”
Hana pipes up then. “Ricky oppa is a good listener! He also had the idea that after we meet Santa, we could go to a holiday market for snacks.”
Gyuvin raises his eyebrows, looking at Ricky, who seems to be pretending not to be pleased about the praise of an eight-year-old. “Wow. Who knew Ricky oppa liked Christmas so much?”
Ricky sniffs, lifting his chin even as his ears go red. “I feel like you’re underestimating my capacity to be jolly, and I don’t appreciate that.”
Gyuvin laughs, lifting his hands in defeat before going back to eating his bagel sandwich. “Fair enough. It won’t happen again.”
He studies Hana while he eats, pleased that she seems to be in good spirits. Gyuvin had been the one to encourage Ava to go on the cruise, even if it meant spending Christmas away from Hana for the first time. His now ex-wife had been the one taking care of her the most while they lived apart during their separation, Gyuvin not wanting to subject his daughter to a studio.
Still, he’d worried that maybe the distance would make Hana too sad to enjoy her favorite holiday. However, as he watches her and Ricky lean over her tablet together, giggling as they presumably make edits to her Christmas to-do list, he thinks maybe he worried for nothing.
Gyuvin is sure she still wishes her mother were here. But Hana has always been emotionally intelligent, and she seemed to understand it was important for her mother to see her family.
And Ricky is a gracious host, which reminds Gyuvin to ask an obvious question.
“How much do I owe you for breakfast?” he asks, already reaching for his phone to transfer whatever the cost was.
Ricky looks up at him in surprise. “Hana, just a moment,” he says cheerily, reaching up to put his hands over Hana’s ears, who giggles. Then, he continues: “Never ask me a stupid question like that again.”
Gyuvin rolls his eyes. “You don’t have to pay for our food, Rwick.”
“I’ll do whatever I want, Qubing,” Ricky sing-songs. He drops his hands from Hana’s ears, then, who’s still giggling. “If we actually kept track of the number of times we’ve paid for each other over the years, I’m probably in debt to you anyway.”
Gyuvin doesn’t actually think that’s true, but he does remember Ricky’s penchant for leaving his dining hall card back in their dorm a lot in college, his black card useless for a swipe at the entrance.
So. Sure. He can accept a breakfast sandwich. And if the spoiling means Hana benefits, he supposes that’s fine.
“Okay, a great game plan,” Ricky says after they’re all quiet for a bit, Hana showing him her probably finished to-do list on her tablet. “We definitely have to go see Santa first. I’m sure he already has your list memorized, but it never hurts to double-check.”
“We can do that tomorrow,” Gyuvin says in agreement. “Today, we can get properly settled. Because if I don’t make her unpack now, she’ll live out of her suitcases the entire time we’re here.”
Hana frowns at him. “You do that too, Appa.”
“Well, yes.”
“Then you also have to unpack now.”
Gyuvin has a stare-down with his daughter across the table before nodding. “That’s perfectly fair. Thank Ricky, for your breakfast, and go get started. I’ll come help you with your big suitcase in a minute.”
Hana does as she’s told, chirping a bright thank you at Ricky. Clearly, her shyness hadn’t lasted long. Once she’s hopped down off her barstool and disappeared down the hallway, Gyuvin turns back to Ricky.
“Ricky—”
“If you’re going to thank me again, I swear to god, Gyuvin,” Ricky warns, picking up his salt shaker and holding it up threateningly.
Gyuvin blinks. “Are you going to beat me to death with that?”
“Maybe!” Ricky exclaims. “Stop thanking me all the time. You’re here. It’s Christmas. Don’t get on my nerves.”
“I always get on your nerves.”
Ricky concedes at that, setting the salt shaker down. “Well, yes. But this is getting on my nerves in the real way. You’re the one handling most of her Christmas. I’m just along for the ride and providing the location. So stop it and just enjoy.”
Gyuvin still wants to argue, not even because he necessarily disagrees, but rather because bickering with Ricky is just part of who they are. Admittedly, being like this together, just the two of them, makes him feel really good. Ricky has always been one of his favorite people, and this is the part of their friendship he’s been missing, a distance between them that he’d never been able to figure out, both why it existed and how to fix it.
So he’ll give in. Just this once.
“Fine. I won’t say thank you again. Happy?”
Ricky’s practically beaming. “Yes. Now go unpack your suitcases, too, Qubing. Those dressers could see some use after what I spent on them.”
And just because he’d promised, Gyuvin does as he’s told, heading down the hall to help his daughter, Ricky laughing behind him.
“I’m going to give this to Santa just so that we’re completely sure he knows where to find us,” Hana tells Gyuvin as they climb back to the streets of New York from the subway station underground. She’s holding onto Gyuvin’s hand tightly with one hand, and holding out an index card with the other.
Ricky peers over from Gyuvin’s other side as Gyuvin takes it. It’s Ricky’s address, written in Hana’s careful penmanship.
“She memorized that already?” Ricky says, grinning brightly. “Smart kid, Qubing. Who’d she get that from?”
Gyuvin pointedly ignores him, instead tucking the index card into the pocket of his coat. “Great idea, Hana. Why don’t you focus on talking to Santa, and I’ll make sure his elves get this?”
Hana nods seriously. “Good thinking, Appa. Divide and conquer.”
Ricky snorts out a laugh from beside him, and Gyuvin looks up at him, grinning in return.
“Thanks for finding a way out of giving my address to some random guy in a Santa suit,” Ricky says, lowering his voice even though the streets are loud enough to prevent Hana from listening. And she keeps getting distracted by the window decorations in the shops they walk past, Gyuvin occasionally having to give her a little tug to keep walking.
“Anytime,” Gyuvin responds. “Though if he’s cute, I’m happy to give it to him anyway.”
Ricky wrinkles his nose. “No, thank you. I’m not that desperate.”
Gyuvin grins. “You think Santa can’t be cute?”
“There is nobody cute enough for me to use the address of my home as an icebreaker, Gyuvin.”
Gyuvin supposes that’s fair. “You know, I don’t actually know much about your love life. For all I know, Santa is your type.”
“Santa has a wife, Appa,” Hana reminds Gyuvin, apparently listening more than he’d realized.
“Very true, honey, I’m sorry,” Gyuvin says, properly scolded, Ricky laughing beside him. “Stop, she’s getting too smart.”
“There’s no getting to it, Gyuvin, she’s already too smart.” Gyuvin notices now that Ricky seems to be blushing, the red in his cheeks matching the way his nose has gone pink from the cold winter air. “And as for my love life, it’s uneventful. I haven’t found the right person yet, I suppose.”
Gyuvin ponders that for a long moment, reflecting on what he knows about Ricky’s dating history. His friend has had a string of boyfriends, some more serious than others, and honestly, Gyuvin’s never really liked any of them. It’s not like Gyuvin is an expert on a successful relationship, all things considered, but he certainly thinks Ricky deserves the best.
“That’s not a bad thing,” Gyuvin says finally, tightening his grip on Hana’s hand as they step through a crosswalk. “I clearly hadn’t either.”
It comes out sounding sadder than he intended, and Ricky reaches up to squeeze Gyuvin’s shoulder.
“Don’t be hard on yourself, Qubing. Sometimes things just change.”
Gyuvin certainly can’t argue with that. “Yeah, I know. You’re right.”
“We’re here!” Hana squeals as they get closer to Macy’s. She starts trying to tug them faster. “Come on, Appa, we’re going to be late for my time with Santa.”
“Sweetheart, we’re forty-five minutes early.”
“Early is on time, Gyuvin,” Ricky says pointedly, immediately lengthening his strides to match the way Hana hurries them along. “Come on then.”
And Gyuvin has no choice but to just follow along, grinning fondly as his daughter and best friend tug him along.
Macy’s is, of course, packed, but fortunately, a scheduled time for Santa is required, meaning all they have to do is work their way through the crowds to check in. Gyuvin and Ava have brought Hana to Macy’s Santaland every year since she could walk on her own, so she’s an expert at this point.
“Have you ever been here, Ricky oppa?” she asks brightly, already taking his hand to tug him to the themed rooms anyway.
“I haven’t! Give me a tour, please,” Ricky says sweetly, keeping a firm hold on Hana’s hand. Gyuvin simply falls into step behind them, letting Hana show Ricky the way through the Christmas lights and animatronic train displays.
It makes him feel relieved to see her having so much fun, and even better, getting along so well with Ricky. Hana’s always been polite, but Gyuvin had admittedly worried a little about her Christmas being weighed down by the shyness of being around someone she doesn’t know all that well. But she’s clearly taken a liking to Ricky, and Ricky very much seems to like her right back.
Gyuvin keeps an eye on his watch, only interrupting the two of them watching a toy train ride by for probably the twentieth time when it’s close to Hana’s turn to meet Santa.
“Come on, kiddo. You’ve gotta lie to Santa and tell him you’re on the nice list,” Gyuvin teases, scooping Hana up onto his hip.
Hana gasps. “I am on the nice list!”
“Not true,” Gyuvin insists, setting her back down once they’re lined up for her chance to take a photo. “You’re on the super nice list.”
Hana and Ricky both groan at his joke, which then immediately makes them both start giggling.
Gyuvin wrinkles his nose. “Oh, that’s not good for me. You’re going to gang up on me.”
“And we should, with jokes like that,” Ricky retorts.
“Yeah, yeah,” Gyuvin says, rolling his eyes. “Hana, give me your coat.”
It’s not a long process after that, Macy’s moving like a well-oiled machine to get Hana in and out, and it’s not long before they’re leaving Santaland, an envelope with Hana’s freshly printed Santa pictures tight in Gyuvin’s hand.
“Will we save one of those for Mommy?” Hana asks, grabbing Gyuvin’s free hand again.
“Of course, baby. The biggest one is for her.”
Seemingly pleased with that, there’s a skip in her step as the three of them finally work their way out of the crowded department store and step back out onto the streets.
“What do you guys think? Do you still want to go to a holiday market? Bryant Park is pretty close by.”
Gyuvin picks up on the shyness in Ricky’s suggestion, and he realizes rather suddenly that he probably feels apprehensive about suggesting something new when Hana’s so protective of her Christmas traditions. He has no need to worry, though, because Hana seems thrilled at the idea.
“Can I get one of those pastry cone things filled with Nutella?” she asks, and Ricky immediately starts leading them back to the subway, looking pleased.
Gyuvin frowns. “How much sugar is in one of those things?”
Ricky gives him a supportive pat on the back. “It’s best not to think about it, Qubing. Besides, it’s Christmas.”
Which is untrue, Gyuvin considers arguing. It’s actually several days before Christmas. But Hana looks too happy, so he doesn’t bother protesting, instead letting both Ricky and Hana tug them along to the next adventure.
The market is, predictably, crowded, but Ricky manages to find a small table for them to settle at once they have their treats. Hana is clutching a pastry cone coated in cinnamon sugar and filled to the brim with chocolate spread and strawberries. She’s going to have the sugar crash heard around the world later, probably.
Ricky and Gyuvin decide to split a grilled cheese and tomato soup.
“This was twenty dollars,” Gyuvin laments as he passes Ricky half of the sandwich.
Ricky just shrugs. “It’s about the experience, not the fairness of price.”
Hana looks happy at least, even though she’s getting chocolate spread all over her face. Gyuvin decides to just leave it. He’ll clean her up when she’s finished.
“I suppose it is really cute here,” Gyuvin agrees, enjoying the moment to just sit and eat something, even if the something is extremely overpriced. “You and Hana were clearly meant to spend this holiday together.”
That gets a bigger reaction out of Ricky than Gyuvin had anticipated, the other choking a little on the spoonful of soup he’d just put in his mouth. Ricky takes a moment to stop coughing, and Gyuvin waits patiently.
Once he’s gathered himself, Ricky clears his throat. “What makes you say that?”
Gyuvin feels a little lost, unsure why Ricky reacted like that, and definitely unsure about what could be confusing about what he’d said. “You just seem to like Christmas. And she likes you.”
Ricky shrugs, his face slowly returning to its normal color from the bright red he’d turned. “I don’t actually have any strong feelings about Christmas. I just did a lot of research, so I’d know what she’d like.”
Gyuvin feels touched by that. “Well, add another reason then. You seem to like her, too.”
Ricky’s fading blush returns, going red all the way down his neck, where Gyuvin’s eyes absentmindedly trace the line of the ROLE MODEL tattoo he’d once watched Ricky get right in front of him.
“Of course, I like her, Gyuvin. She’s part of you.”
It’s a simple enough statement, but it cuts Gyuvin right to his core, feeling his heart rate pick up as the words settle over him. Ricky says it so easily, like accepting his daughter is as simple as breathing; like loving her is that simple, too.
Gyuvin doesn’t even know what to say or how to describe the rush of emotion that seems to have formed a lump in his throat, but luckily, Hana saves him.
“All done!” she declares, chocolate spread all over her face, and the entire pastry devoured.
“Oh, wow, good job, sweetheart,” Gyuvin says, trying not to laugh as he grabs a napkin to clean her face gently. “How’s your tummy feeling?”
“Totally fine!”
Ricky looks just as amused. “Maybe we grab a water to-go.”
“Great idea, Rwick.”
As they stand to gather their things and finally head home for the day, Hana is already looking like the sugar high is starting to hit, and Gyuvin can’t help but think about Ricky’s words again.
Gyuvin watches Ricky as he helps Hana into her coat and wipes a bit of chocolate spread off her cheek that Gyuvin must have missed.
It feels like seeing Ricky for the first time. And Gyuvin doesn’t know what to do with that.
Later, after Hana has recovered from her sugar crash and is bathed and tucked into bed, Gyuvin joins Ricky in the living room for a moment of quiet.
The view here is just as gorgeous. Floor-to-ceiling windows with a Christmas tree tucked right into the corner, the lights down low so Gyuvin can still see the view of the city that Ricky has, with the lights of the tree reflecting in the spotless glass.
“I would sit here all the time with this view,” Gyuvin says as he joins Ricky on the couch, passing him a mug of hot apple cider he’d just brought from the kitchen. Ricky takes it happily.
They sit close, like they always did when they’d have a moment of peace together when they shared a dorm. This could be straight out of a memory, the only difference being Ricky’s now black hair compared to his bleached blonde when they were teenagers. Gyuvin in simple sweats and an old t-shirt, Ricky in a matching two-piece pajama set. It makes Gyuvin feel nostalgic in a way that aches.
“That’s why I use my office so much,” Ricky says. “If I sat out here, I’d be too distracted to get any work done.”
Gyuvin laughs at that, watching for a moment as Ricky wraps his fingers around the mug before tearing his gaze away to look outside instead. He sips at his own cider, vaguely able to see Ricky’s reflection in the glass from the bit of illumination the Christmas tree provides.
“I keep thinking about what you said earlier,” Gyuvin says after a stretch of silence. He can see in the reflection that Ricky turns to look at him, but Gyuvin keeps his own eyes forward. “About how it’s easy to like Hana because she’s part of me.”
“It’s true,” Ricky says softly. “I would’ve said love, but I didn’t know if that would be weird.”
Gyuvin’s heart races, eyes still on the tree instead of Ricky, who he can see is still staring right at Gyuvin. His fingertips tap against the ceramic of his mug just to have somewhere to put the nervous energy pulsing through his body.
“It’s not,” Gyuvin says, finally turning to look at Ricky. This time, it’s Ricky who won’t look at him. “I want you to love her.”
Ricky smiles, soft and a little sad. “Who wouldn’t love either of you, Qubing?”
Ricky gets to his feet then, eyes finally landing on Gyuvin, who’s blinking up at him with wide eyes. Like if he opens his eyes just a little wider, something will finally click into place.
“We should get some sleep. We’ve got a long day of ice skating tomorrow.”
Ricky leaves him there on the couch, and Gyuvin can’t find it in him to move for several minutes after, too busy trying to understand why his heart is racing.
Despite being out on the ice for half of their sixty allotted minutes, Hana shows no signs of getting tired. Just like he does every year, Gyuvin struggles to keep up with her. He’s not a strong skater as it is, let alone being unable to match the energy of an eight-year-old.
Ricky seems to be doing fine as well, keeping up with Hana like it’s nothing.
“Hanging in there?” Ricky teases lightly, calling over his shoulder as he laps Gyuvin once again. Gyuvin doesn’t even get the chance to retort before he’s gone again.
“You should take a break, Appa,” Hana tells him, peering up at him from where she’s clearly bored with Gyuvin’s much slower pace. As if it’s his fault that he’s basically entirely made of leg.
“You can’t stay out here on your own,” Gyuvin protests.
Hana shrugs. “I don’t mind skating with Ricky oppa.”
Gyuvin supposes that’s a fine enough compromise. “As long as Ricky is okay with it.”
“Okay with what?” Ricky asks, appearing from his much faster pace once more.
“Appa is bad at skating, will you skate with me instead?”
Gyuvin scoffs while Ricky immediately laughs. “I feel like there was a nicer way to say that.”
“No, let her be honest,” Ricky says, holding his hand out to Hana. “I’d love to skate with you. Your appa can be on hot chocolate duty.”
So that’s how Gyuvin ends up waiting for them in the lounge, his skates turned in and a cup of hot chocolate warming both his hands and his insides as he sips.
What’s also warming him up is watching Ricky and Hana skate in circles around the rink.
Gyuvin isn’t necessarily surprised by how good Ricky is with her. What surprises him most is how good it makes him feel to see the two of them get along.
Reflecting on his friendship with Ricky would be remiss without acknowledging just how good a friend Ricky has been to him since the moment they met. Ricky would listen as Gyuvin worked through the growing pains of his relationship with Ava during the first year of long distance, would disappear from their shared dorm to give the two of them privacy when she visited, and was just as nice to Ava as he was to Gyuvin.
And it hadn’t stopped there.
Despite their busy lives as adults, and in Gyuvin’s case, being a parent, Ricky had always been there for him. From the moment Gyuvin learned he was going to be a father until now, when he’s a single father, Ricky has given his unwavering support.
Gyuvin feels like he’s seeing Ricky for the first time, in a way that he’d never once considered. He gives his all to whoever he’s seeing, but he and Ava have been separated for almost a year, let alone divorced. He’s explored and gone on casual dates in that time, learned how to be someone who wasn’t tied down.
And now, Gyuvin watches Ricky, and his heart races.
As Ricky and Hana finish their allotted time on the ice and start working their way into the lounge, his hands feel sweaty in a way that he doesn’t think has anything to do with the cup of hot chocolate he’s clutching.
“Whoa, what kind of hot chocolate service is this?” Ricky teases when they approach. His nose is pink from the cold, and Gyuvin’s heart feels lodged in his throat. “Weren’t you supposed to have them waiting for us?”
Hana giggles at his teasing, which masks the sound of Gyuvin clearing his throat in an attempt to gather himself.
“Sorry. I was too distracted watching both of you act like professional ice skaters. Return your skates, I’ll get you both hot chocolates now.”
As he walks away to join the line, Gyuvin can’t help but look back at Ricky.
It’s both surprising and not at all to find Ricky looking right back at him.
“You have to sit still, or your hair won’t turn out properly,” Gyuvin scolds Hana lightly. She’s perched on one of the stools at Ricky’s kitchen island, already in her nice dress to go see the Radio City Rockettes the day before Christmas Eve. She’s also not happy about having her hair done.
“I hate having my hair brushed,” she pouts, but she gives in and stops squirming. Gyuvin finally manages to get her blonde hair into a nice updo, but he has to tame the flyaways.
“Almost done,” Gyuvin assures her, glancing at the clock. He hasn’t even started getting dressed yet, Hana’s hair taking longer than he’d anticipated.
Ricky comes down the hallway, then, and Gyuvin’s eyes go wide.
He looks incredible: tailored dress pants that hug the shape of his body perfectly, a silk shirt unbuttoned enough to show just a hint of his chest tattoo, and plenty of accessories.
Gyuvin is definitely staring. Thankfully, Ricky doesn’t notice.
“Qubing, you’re not dressed yet,” Ricky scolds as he enters the kitchen, nudging Gyuvin with his hip to take his spot. “Go get dressed. I’ll finish her hair.”
Gyuvin thinks maybe it’d be fine to go see the Rockettes in his sweatpants if it means just getting to look at Ricky a little longer, but he gives in.
“Okay, okay, I’m going.”
Once he’s alone in his room, Gyuvin has to take a moment to gather himself. So maybe he’s realizing several things about Ricky and how important to him his oldest friend is. And also how attractive he is. Not that Gyuvin had been unaware of that, but he’s thinking about it in a whole new way now.
Gyuvin has to get a grip. At least he thinks he does. At the same time, he can’t really think of a reason why he shouldn’t be allowed to have these thoughts. Perhaps it's a habit, having spent so much of his life committed to one person.
But even then, Ricky had always been there.
Still, they’re going to be late if he keeps standing here spiraling. He finishes getting ready, rolling the sleeves of his button-down up to his elbows as he emerges from the bedroom and returns to Ricky and his daughter.
Her hair is finished now, and Ricky is helping her into her coat, smiling softly at her. When he looks up and his eyes land on Gyuvin, it’s impossible to miss the way his eyes drag up and down Gyuvin’s figure.
So maybe Gyuvin isn’t the only one feeling something.
They have great seats for the Rockettes, courtesy of Ricky and the last-minute upgrade he’d found for them. At first, the plan is for Hana to sit between them. But a very tall man ends up being in front of her seat, so she and Gyuvin switch, and he ends up sitting in the middle instead.
Gyuvin feels a bit like maybe the universe is trying to make a point. A higher power wants to force him to speedrun every possible realization he could have about a person.
Right now, it’s about feeling the press of Ricky’s thighs against his own in the dimmed theater lighting. Gyuvin has seen this show every year since Hana was four years old, and it’s a good thing, because he can’t focus on anything happening on the stage. He’s too distracted by the heat of Ricky beside him.
It’s hard to tell if Ricky is experiencing the same thing. Every time Gyuvin takes a glance at him, his eyes are glued to the stage. But he doesn’t move his leg away either. When they both go for the armrest at the same time, there’s no awkward squabbling or whispered apologies. Instead, they just both share it, and even more of their bodies are touching.
Gyuvin feels a little insane. And a little juvenile, to be honest. Maybe he’s permanently stunted from marrying his childhood sweetheart, and now even the simplest of moments will send his heart racing.
When the performance ends, and the lights come back up, it’s with a strange sort of reluctance that Gyuvin pulls away.
“I want to be a Rockette one day,” Hana announces as they all stand. Gyuvin hears Ricky giggle from beside him.
“That would mean you have to actually go to your dance lessons without complaining, love,” Gyuvin tells her, helping her into her coat, laughing when she pouts at his words.
As they work their way out of the aisle, Gyuvin feels Ricky’s hand brush against the small of his back, soft enough that it could be unintentional.
But Gyuvin doesn’t think it was.
Christmas Eve feels like it creeps up on him, much like it does every year. Gyuvin thinks this day is one of his favorites as a father. He loves being Santa for Hana, loves knowing how happy she’ll be in the morning to see that he’s visited her.
Gyuvin finds Ricky first thing in the morning, a slow start because there’s no reason to wake up early today. He’s grateful for the extra couple of hours of sleep, considering he’ll be up late setting everything up for Hana under the tree.
“For you,” Gyuvin says when Ricky emerges from his bedroom, holding out a pair of Christmas pajamas. “These match mine and Hana’s.”
Ricky blinks at him, clearly surprised, though he takes them anyway. “I got a matching set as well?”
Gyuvin looks at him like he’s crazy. “Yeah, of course. Like we’d leave you out of her favorite tradition. Put them on when you get ready for the day; we wear them all day in this family.” He taps his own chest, already clad in his Christmas Eve pajamas, as if to prove a point.
Ricky just smiles. “Thank you, Gyuvin. It’s an honor to be included.”
Gyuvin nods, feeling the moment grow heavier unexpectedly. “Well—yeah, of course you are. Now go. Her movie list is long, and we should eat something before she gets too settled.”
Gyuvin leaves him to it then, mostly because he thinks he’s going to end up saying something stupid if he doesn’t walk away.
Despite how different everything is this year, Gyuvin finds that their Christmas Eve feels just as good, if not better, than all the ones he’s had before. Hana is perfectly happy, curled up on the couch with hot chocolate and snacks for hours as a marathon of Christmas movies plays.
As the night starts to wind down, Gyuvin knows she’ll have a hard time falling asleep, but part of her wishlist had been a Barbie Dreamhouse, and he needs time to assemble it, because surely Santa would assemble the toy to be played with right away.
“Bedtime, kiddo,” Gyuvin says when he can tell Hana is eyeing up a second cup of hot chocolate. “You know Santa only comes if you’re actually asleep, not pretending.”
She doesn’t put up much of a fight, letting Gyuvin carry her to bed. She does insist on a bedtime story, which Gyuvin is okay with. He thinks a lot about how much his life has changed in the last year, and how quickly she’s growing up. He doesn’t want to take for granted the days when she asks for more time with him, knowing eventually she won’t believe in Santa or want a bedtime story anymore.
“Did you have a good Christmas Eve?” Gyuvin asks her once he’s finished reading a book to her, and he’s tucking her blankets in around her. He genuinely wants to know, having worried so much about her getting to enjoy her favorite holiday.
Hana smiles. “I did, Appa. I really like Ricky oppa. I hope we get to hang out with him more.”
It hits Gyuvin harder than he expected, the knowledge that his daughter has bonded enough with Ricky in the short time they’ve been here that she wants to see him after this. It means something to him, Ricky having been the first person Gyuvin ever told that Hana would exist in the first place.
And it almost feels too simple, the way it feels like things can fall into place like this, too. Gyuvin doesn’t feel like it’s too fast, or too sudden, or inappropriate. It’s just life, and the way it changes, and one thing that’s never changed is how much Ricky means to him.
“I hope so, too, baby,” Gyuvin finally answers, giving her cheek a soft pat. “Get some sleep. Santa will be here soon.”
She closes her eyes immediately, which makes Gyuvin laugh, before standing to leave the room. He’s got a long night ahead of him, setting out her Santa gifts and assembling an absolutely ridiculous Dreamhouse.
Gyuvin doesn’t expect to find Ricky still in the living room, already working on opening the box that has Hana’s Barbie Dreamhouse in it.
“Hey,” Gyuvin says softly. Ricky’s place is big enough that he doesn’t think speaking at normal volume would carry to Hana’s room, but better safe than sorry. “I thought you’d head to bed.”
Ricky scoffs, starting to pull pieces from the box. “This thing is literally a thousand pieces, Qubing. It’ll be faster if we work together.” He pauses, holding the assembly instructions in his hands. “And honestly, I want to help play Santa for her. If you’ll have me.”
Gyuvin thinks about Hana and how she wants to see Ricky more.
“I would love the help. And she’d love that you’re helping.”
So that’s how they end up here: both sitting cross-legged and working together to assemble Hana’s dollhouse. It’s a daunting task, and they bicker throughout the process, but it’s perhaps the most fun Gyuvin’s had in months.
“That sticker is crooked, Rwick,” Gyuvin teases, pointing to a perfectly placed sticker.
“What?!” Ricky says, leaning in to inspect it, before pulling back, giving Gyuvin a glare that could kill. “You’ve got some nerve, Qubing. I’m turning this dollhouse into a place of luxury.”
“It’s already a place of luxury! It’s three stories! For dolls!”
It only takes them a couple of hours to finish, mostly thanks to Ricky. Gyuvin can’t imagine having to build this himself.
“Now, how am I going to get it out of here when we leave?” Gyuvin laments as they admire the finished product, both of them getting to their feet.
“Just leave it here, and she can play with it when she visits,” Ricky answers smoothly, before blushing. “Kidding. I wouldn’t expect you to come over so much.”
Gyuvin considers that, probably far more seriously than Ricky had meant it. “I would, though. She would love that.”
Ricky looks away from the dollhouse, expression etched with surprise when he meets Gyuvin’s gaze. “She would?”
Gyuvin laughs, turning fully to face Ricky now. He looks pretty like this, illuminated only by the lights of the Christmas tree and the city outside. They hadn’t risked turning a light on, not wanting to wake up Hana.
“Yes. She specifically asked if we could see you more.”
“I see,” Ricky responds softly. His eyes haven’t left Gyuvin’s face, and Gyuvin gives him the same level of attention. “And what about her father?”
Gyuvin smiles softly. “Of course I want to see you more, too.”
There’s a shift in the air, a tension that Gyuvin can feel settle onto his skin, heavy and tangible, the way raindrops feel in the summer. Ricky still hasn’t looked away.
“Is that because you like that she likes me?” Ricky asks, voice soft. He sounds scared to be asking, like the answer is something he fears.
“What?” Gyuvin asks, incredulous, stepping forward. They’re closer now, and he lifts his hands to put them on Ricky’s shoulders, reassuring. “It’s a bonus that she likes you. I want to see you more because you’re Ricky. My Ricky, actually.”
Ricky sucks in a sharp breath. “Don’t—you can’t just say things like that, Gyuvin.”
Gyuvin isn’t deterred, hands sliding down from Ricky’s shoulders over the length of his arms, until his hands find Ricky’s, taking them both. Ricky doesn’t return the gesture, but he doesn’t pull away.
“I mean it.”
He hasn’t been thinking about it all that much, to be honest, but Gyuvin is never the type to try and apply logic to his emotions. Even if he tried now, he’s not sure he could convince himself out of the way he’s been paying extra attention to Ricky the past week. It makes perfect sense, at the end of the day. Ricky has been his best friend for years, and being around Ricky has made him feel the happiest he can remember feeling in a long time.
It hasn’t always been Ricky, because that wouldn’t be fair to Ava. And Gyuvin knows that. But right now, he’s realizing, Ricky has always meant something more.
Whatever he means to Gyuvin right now, he has no desire to overcomplicate or try to take the logical approach of moving slowly. There are too many years of love and care between them to worry about whether or not a few days are enough to change their dynamic.
So Gyuvin leans in, intending to press his lips to Ricky’s.
Ricky stops him, pulling his hands out of Gyuvin’s to firmly place them on his chest instead. He stops Gyuvin just before their lips make contact. Gyuvin can feel the way Ricky breathes over his lips, and can hear how shakily he exhales.
“Sorry,” Gyuvin whispers without pulling away. “Wrong move?”
Ricky shakes his head. “It—tell me you haven’t always felt this way.” It’s not what Gyuvin expects to hear, but Ricky continues before he can become too confused. “I need to know this is something you’re just realizing, and that it couldn’t have been like this the entire time.”
Gyuvin pulls back then, enough so he can open his eyes and look at Ricky. “Ricky—”
“Part of why I’ve loved you for so long is because of how loyal you are to the person you’re with,” Ricky interrupts. The words come out in a rush, like he’s been holding them in for years. Gyuvin is piecing together that he probably has. “I think it will feel pretty awful if you’ve been feeling like this all this time and I just—”
Gyuvin kisses him then, for real. Ricky lets out a little squeak of surprise, but he melts into it, fingers gripping into the fabric of Gyuvin’s shirt from where he’d pushed Gyuvin away.
They break apart after just a moment, and Gyuvin presses his forehead to his.
“I’ve always loved you, even if maybe it wasn’t the same,” Gyuvin says, an answer to the question hidden in Ricky’s rambling. “I’d like to try loving you in a new way if you’d let me.”
Ricky laughs, soft and full of disbelief. “Is it that simple?”
“I think so, actually.”
This time, Ricky kisses him.
It feels so natural, and Gyuvin loses himself in it immediately, hands finding Ricky’s waist while Ricky’s own arms loop around his neck to pull him close. Their lips move together with a slow, building heat, an exploration to it, and the tactile shift of their long-term friendship into something new.
Gyuvin doesn’t mean to push things further. It’s just that he can’t help his wandering hands, the way he itches to feel the curves and hard lines of Ricky under his palms. He feels the way Ricky’s breath hitches against his lips when his fingers brush against the small of his back under the fabric of his shirt.
“Gyuvin,” Ricky whines, one hand tangling in Gyuvin’s hair. “I want you.”
Gyuvin finally pulls away, breathing hard. They’re still standing in the living room, surrounded by Christmas presents and glowing multicolored from the lights of the Christmas tree. Everything is happening so fast, but it feels like it’s happening exactly how it’s supposed to. They’re not fumbling teenagers; they’re adults with experience and heartbreak and desire shared between them.
Gyuvin wants Ricky. And he thinks it can be that simple.
“Okay,” Gyuvin whispers, trying to catch his breath. “Fuck, okay. I want you too.”
Gyuvin lets Ricky tug him down the hall, the two of them mindful to keep their steps quiet, all too aware of the sleeping child just a few doors down.
“You know you have to be quiet,” Gyuvin warns Ricky once the door is shut behind them, and Ricky is tugging him over to his bed.
Ricky scoffs at him, settling back into his pillows as he pulls Gyuvin on top of him. “You think you’ll be that good?”
Gyuvin scoffs back. “Yes. I’m going to make sure I do this well.”
Ricky seems a bit stunned by that, and Gyuvin leans in to kiss the surprise away. He feels a bit like he has something to prove, even if he doesn’t. The two of them bicker and poke and prod, but Ricky has never asked anything of Gyuvin that he couldn’t deliver.
Gyuvin can now, however. So he’d like to make sure it’s special.
Gyuvin kisses a path along Ricky’s jaw, down his neck, until he’s following his own fingers as he slowly unbuttons Ricky’s top. It’s quiet in Ricky’s room, and he can practically hear the way the other’s heart is pounding from beneath the ink of his tattoo as Gyuvin kisses his way over the art.
“Have you done this before?” Ricky asks, sounding breathless as Gyuvin gets his top completely undone.
Gyuvin can’t help himself. “Had sex? Yes. I have a kid.”
Ricky kicks at him, making Gyuvin laugh as he inches his way down Ricky’s body. “With a man, you ass.”
That gives Gyuvin pause for just a moment, fingers in the waistband of Ricky’s pants. “Yes. I did some exploring once Ava and I formally separated.”
Ricky sighs, but it sounds wistful over sad. “I was partly hoping to be the first, but I understand.”
Gyuvin makes quick work of Ricky’s pants and briefs, followed by his own clothes. It’s only when he’s settled back between Ricky’s legs, lube that had been handed to him waiting beside Ricky’s thigh that he finally answers.
“This is better, I think. You’ve waited a long time. I want it to be good for you.”
Ricky doesn’t seem to have a response for that, instead trembling a little under where Gyuvin presses a kiss to the inside of his thigh.
They’ve both clearly said enough then, silence falling between them as Gyuvin warms lube on his fingers, positioning one at Ricky’s entrance. The first press of one of his fingers inside has Ricky groaning, and Gyuvin immediately pauses, smirking a little.
“I meant it. You have to be quiet.”
Ricky glares daggers down at him, but he does as he’s told, biting at his lip to stay quiet as Gyuvin continues pushing his finger in, all the way up to the knuckle.
“Good?” Gyuvin asks, and Ricky nods.
“Yes,” he breathes out. “It’s good. I can’t believe this is actually happening to me.” He clears his throat, emotional, and Gyuvin feels that emotion in his own heart, his free hand moving over Ricky’s torso soothingly. “Move, Gyuvin.”
Gyuvin does as he’s told, working Ricky open with his fingers with a focus and dedication he doesn’t often give to tasks. But he wants Ricky to feel good, and judging by the way his pretty cock is hard and leaking against his stomach, he thinks he’s doing a good job.
“You’re doing so good,” Gyuvin says softly, pressing the words against Ricky’s hip with his teeth and lips. “I want to do this when it’s just us. I want to hear how loud you can get.”
Ricky lets out a pained laugh, a moan dying on his tongue as he forces himself to swallow it back down. “We haven’t even—fuck—gotten through the first time yet.”
Gyuvin won’t rush things, so he doesn’t say what he’s thinking, but it’s there in the air as Gyuvin fucks Ricky open with his fingers: he wants this forever.
“Qubing,” Ricky pants out, when Gyuvin has been paying extra attention to the spot inside of him that has Ricky arching off the bed each time. “I—stop, please, I want you inside of me.”
“Okay,” Gyuvin says simply, smiling softly as he carefully pulls his fingers away, pressing soothing kisses to Ricky’s thigh to ease him through it. He scoots up the bed once he’s rolled a condom onto his own hard cock, settling between Ricky’s legs. He brushes against Ricky’s entrance, and it pulls a groan out of both of them.
“Missionary? Very romantic,” Ricky teases without any heat, looking flushed and fucked out and beautiful.
“I’m wooing you,” Gyuvin retorts, slowly starting to push in. It makes both of them groan, but Gyuvin doesn’t protest the volume just this once. It feels too good, and too right.
Once Gyuvin is bottomed out, he stills for a long moment, letting Ricky adjust to the stretch, and letting himself adjust to this change in their relationship.
“Okay?” Ricky asks, which is funny because Gyuvin should probably be the one checking in on him. It makes him feel fond, and he presses a lingering kiss to Ricky’s lips.
“Okay,” he answers, softly.
“Then move.”
Gyuvin does as he’s told, tentatively pulling out and rocking into Ricky for the first time. They both gasp, Ricky’s legs tight around his waist, Gyuvin’s face buried into Ricky’s neck. He sets a steady pace quickly, both of them making a concerted effort to stay quiet.
“Ricky,” Gyuvin whispers, gasping a little as he thrusts into Ricky deep and steady. “Fuck, you feel so—”
Ricky, letting out a choked sound, interrupts him, arching up prettily as Gyuvin continues fucking into him.
“There, Gyuvin, right there.”
And Gyuvin really is determined to make this as perfect for Ricky as possible, so he makes sure every thrust has him right where Ricky wants him.
As they both get closer and closer to release, Gyuvin has to bring his lips to Ricky’s again, and at the same time, he gets a hand between them to wrap around Ricky’s cock.
It’s barely a kiss, but it’s enough to help them both stay quiet as he picks up the speed of his thrusts and works Ricky’s cock with his fist.
He feels Ricky come before he hears it, feels the way Ricky tightens around his cock and the way his blunt fingernails dig into the skin of his back, the heat of his release spilling into Gyuvin’s grip. It’s when Ricky finally makes a sound—a pretty, choked off gasp—that sends Gyuvin over the edge right after him, spilling into the condom deep inside of Ricky.
He doesn’t stop until his own oversensitivity kicks in, working them both through it. In the quiet that follows, Ricky’s release sticky between them and sweat drying on both of their skins, Gyuvin just takes a moment to bask in it.
“I’ve wanted that for so long,” Ricky finally says, breaking the stretch of silence.
Gyuvin lifts his head from Ricky’s shoulder to peer down at him, breath taken right out of his lungs at the sight of Ricky like this: satisfied, breathless, red-cheeked.
“Was it worth the wait?”
Ricky just smiles, getting a hand in Gyuvin’s hair to pull him down into a kiss, this one soft and gentle.
“Even better,” Ricky promises him.
Gyuvin wakes up in his own room to Hana bursting open the door at the bright and early hour of seven in the morning. He’s disoriented for a moment until he remembers he’d forced himself to return to his own room the night before, once he’d cleaned himself and Ricky up.
“I want to keep things normal for her on her favorite holiday,” Gyuvin had explained, but Ricky had understood why Gyuvin didn’t want his daughter to find the two of them sharing a bed just yet. While Hana had handled the divorce well, this is still something new.
“Merry Christmas, Appa!” Hana cheers as she hops up onto the bed, shaking Gyuvin’s shoulders. “Come on, we have to see if Santa came!”
Gyuvin doesn’t protest, even if he feels exhausted from everything the night before, and instead just gets out of bed, letting Hana drag him along. “Merry Christmas, Hana. We should let Ricky sleep, though.”
However, as Hana drags him down the hall, he sees immediately that’s not necessary. Ricky is in the kitchen, already plating the Christmas morning cinnamon rolls that Hana had told him she liked.
“I’m up,” Ricky says brightly, greeting them both with a smile. “Merry Christmas, Hana. Looks like Santa found my place just fine.”
Gyuvin can’t help himself. The fondness is too much for him to handle, and he steps forward, taking Ricky’s face into his hands to press a soft kiss to his lips. He realizes his mistake almost immediately, pulling away to take in Ricky’s wide eyes, before turning to Hana.
“I—sorry, Hana, sweetie, I just—”
“Can you do that after I open my presents?” Hana asks, wrinkling her nose. “I worked really hard to be on the nice list this year.
Relief floods through Gyuvin, and he just nods, feeling Ricky take his hand and giving it a squeeze.
“Yeah, of course. Let’s get to the presents.”
They settle in to watch Hana tear into her pile of gifts, the Barbie Dreamhouse he and Ricky had built together being the scene stealer as expected.
Ricky holds his hand the entire time.
🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
“Hana, your mom will be here to pick you up; you have to get dressed,” Ricky calls to the living room, but the door buzzer going off tells him it’s already too late. “See? She’s here!”
“I got her,” Gyuvin declares, stomping past with a giggling Hana thrown over his shoulder. “Way too much icing on the cinnamon rolls this year, Rwick. Nobody’s ever seen a sugar high like this before.”
Ricky rolls his eyes, choosing to ignore Gyuvin and instead greeting Ava in the foyer.
It’s the third Christmas he’s spent with Gyuvin and Hana, and Ricky thinks they’ve got it down to a science now: Hana spends Christmas Eve with Ricky and Gyuvin, while Ava picks her up late Christmas morning to have her for the day itself.
“Did I hear sugar high?” Ava asks warily as Ricky comes into view, and he laughs, immediately greeting her with a hug.
“All Gyuvin does is exaggerate. She did procrastinate getting dressed though, so she’ll be a moment.”
Ava waves away the unspoken apology with a dismissive hand. “It’s okay. She’s starting to not listen to me either. I hope we’re all ready for that.”
They’re both quiet for a moment, the silence only punctuated by the sound of Hana giggling down the hall, and her protesting father: she must be putting up a fight to get dressed.
“I told you, you know,” Ava says, suddenly, and Ricky turns to her in surprise.
“Told me what?” Ricky asks, genuinely unable to guess what she’s referring to.
Ava smiles. “I told you that it would be you. For Gyuvin, I mean.”
Ricky remembers now, how years ago Ava had told him that if he’d been the one to meet Gyuvin first, they would have been together. It had ached in the same way his feelings for Gyuvin always had at the time. Now, it just makes him shake his head.
He has this blended family—his boyfriend, his ex-wife, and their shared daughter. It’s like a puzzle that needs every piece to make sense. He can’t imagine any part of it missing, or any bit of the timeline having gone differently.
“I guess it was. But I think it all happened exactly when it was supposed to.”
Ava reaches out to take his hand at that, giving it a squeeze.
“Merry Christmas, Ricky.”
Hana comes barreling out then, running straight at her mother for a hug, and Gyuvin joins just a moment later, his arm sliding around Ricky’s waist.
“Merry Christmas,” he whispers to nobody in particular in response, like it’s a prayer of gratitude.