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There's only one difference between vampires and cadavers.
Both are white as marble and cold as ice. Their hearts do not beat and there is no soul behind those hollow eyes. Both are dead things, once human.
But vampires move, and cadavers do not.
It was the first lesson Felix ever learned, back when she was a little girl living in the slums. Back when her name was not Felix.
Humans in the slums didn't go out at night - it was when the vampires were out to hunt and to play. Felix was small then, but she still remembered going out in the morning and seeing the corpses. White, rigid and unmoving. People would tell her to look, to make sure she understood the difference, and that she understood why she had to be home before dark. Even if that place was never her home.
Felix still remembered the first time she saw a vampire. The sun was setting, the last rays of safety coloring the sky with deep hues of orange and bloody red. The time when her mother should be locking their wobbly wooden door instead of dragging tiny Felix through the growing shadows.
The vampire looked exactly like a corpse, Felix had thought, as she saw it for the first time. Skin frost as ice, though clean like Felix had never seen, as well as their pompous clothes, as white as them. It made Felix shiver as an unsettling feeling settled on her bones. There was something eerily wrong about that being. It was too still, no unnecessary movements, no anxious pacing. It lacked the light movement of shoulders up and down as one's chest breathed, it had no flush of blood on its cheek. Their eyes were a common black but it somehow looked different, as if it lacked the glow of life.
“How much for her?” Felix's mother seemed foreign as she pushed her daughter forward. “She is healthy and strong. And she was born under a full moon!”
The sparse mob gathered on the muddy square murmured at that - it was said that babies born on a full moon night were cursed with tasteful blood that called to vampires. Felix didn't know if it was true or if she was actually born on such a night, but the vampire signaled to her to step closer.
Felix's mother pushed her forward and Felix stumbled ahead, shaking. Usually, no human would willingly be anywhere near a vampire, but the last night of every year, a scout visited the human slums. They searched for unique, flavorful blood that might please high ranking vampires.
Royals and nobles, the ones who ruled society and didn't fancy stepping out of their pompous castles to hunt disgusting, ill prey who lived in even more disgusting, dirty streets. Those high ranking immortals preferred willing, devoted pets who were honored to offer their necks for their feeding, offer their skills for their entertainment and, often, offer their bodies for their pleasure.
Some humans craved the servitude, year after year throwing themselves in front of the scouts and eagerly slicing open their wrists for them, hoping that a sniff of their blood would be enough. They craved the longevity that came along with the feeding of vampires, poisonous sharp teeth that delayed human aging. Making sure their pets kept serving them throughout the centuries.
For a youngling like Felix, it meant being trained to serve and entertain for years before actually being given to a vampire. The perfect, polished servant, but only if her blood were any good. For her mother, it meant enough gold coins to feed Felix's siblings, especially the sick baby. Felix was the oldest and the strongest, she was the only one with a chance of actually catching a vampire's attention. Yet, Felix couldn't help the tears in her eyes as she looked back at her mother and hoped she would change her mind about selling Felix away like cattle.
After that sorrowful memory, Felix remembered very little. She didn't even remember the pain when that vampire pricked her finger with a needle to taste a red drop. They liked it enough to take Felix away as the young girl looked at her mother's back, rushing through the crowd to go back home with her pockets full of coins. It was the last day Felix saw her mother and she didn't look back, not even when Felix started crying.
Felix's childhood became a blur. She was taken to a special training academy, away from the slums and from the town and from everything Felix knew. For the first time in life, Felix learned what a full stomach and a warm bed were. Felix was taught how to read and write, which she would likely have never learned otherwise. She was also taught how to dance and sing and play so many instruments that it was a miracle her fingers never fell off.
More importantly, she was taught how to serve. How to bow her head and be quiet, how to stay out of the way and be submissive. How to offer her neck and her wrist for her master's feeding, what an honor it was to feed those with thousands of years of experience and who guided their world forward. Felix was taught she was lucky to be in that position at such an early age, to be able to grow with her destiny in mind.
Felix remembered vaguely that she was angry at first. Angry at herself for not being able to run away, angry at her mother for selling her without a second thought, and angry at the vampires who were to blame. Her anger earned her sore hands and sore bottoms that were never quite enough to quiet her rage, which surely worried her teachers. What Felix did remember was an older disciple sitting down to talk with her.
“Why are you fighting, little one?” Her unnie asked with a puzzled look. Young Felix thought she would say it was pointless, that Felix would never escape that life. Instead, she said the words that really changed Felix's mind. “You're all alone in this world. There's no one waiting for you outside. But if you do well, you'll have a master forever. You'll be cherished by them. And you'll never be alone ever again. Don't you want that?”
Felix did. Felix felt lost and alone and hollow inside. To think that she could actually be someone's… She wanted to be important, she wanted to be worthy of having her own place in the world. Even if it was just for her blood, she would never be lonely again. This was her chance to have a meaningful life. So Felix stopped fighting against it and became the top student. As she grew up, she became worthy of royalty even. And when Felix came of age, when she was finally sold, she got the name Felix and everything she had ever dreamed of.
“Would you like me to braid your hair, my lady?” Felix asked, brushing long blond hair religiously. She never got tired of brushing her mistress’s beautiful soft hair.
“A single braid would be delightful, Lixie.”
Felix could hear the smile in Duchess Hwang Hyunjin's voice, but she could not see it through the mirror. It never ceased to be funny how vampires enjoyed mimicking humans' lives even when it served them no purpose, such as the bed and the mirror.
Hyunjin did not need sleep nor did she indulge in the pretending of it. Many vampires enjoyed lying down with their eyes closed, as if sleeping. Some used the time to meditate, but Felix still found it weird privately. As Hyunjin didn't partake in those meaningless activities, the bed in her room was for Felix's use. It wasn't unusual for servants to reside in their master’s quarters, it was more practical this way, but Felix knew it wasn't entirely common for humans to sleep in their owner's bed. Still, Hyunjin seemed to enjoy it, Felix sometimes falling asleep under her lady's gaze and waking up with her still watching.
Once Hyunjin said it entertained her. How Felix's heartbeat became so slow and paced and her breathing became so calm and rhythmic. How Felix moved softly when she dreamed.
As for the mirror, Hyunjin's image evaded it completely and Felix instead watched her own reflection, even when she stood behind her lady. Felix thought Hyunjin preferred it this way, so she could continue looking at her doll as Felix served her.
“Have I ever told you how much I adore the feeling of your fingers running through my hair, Lixie-ah?” Hyunjin purred, her melodious voice making something funny curl in Felix's chest.
“I believe you have, my lady.” Felix politely answered, even when her cheeks were painted red and she was absolutely sure Hyunjin had noticed, if her chuckle was any indicator.
“So, how do I look?” Hyunjin asked when Felix was done, standing up and giving a little twirl.
Hyunjin was stunning as always, of course. Felix dressed her, did her hair and makeup, and even bathed her every single day, but she could never quite brace for the absolute beauty that was the vampire duchess.
Hyunjin's blonde hair, almost white, was beautifully sitting on her shoulder, in deep contrast with her dark-red dress. Hyunjin only wore the finest, most intricate pieces, but today she had chosen this dress for a special occasion. The sleeves were long and the neckline was lower than usual, everything embroidered with gold. The skirt was long and not very puffed, paired with high heels that only made Hyunjin gorgeously taller.
“I believe her highness will be pleased.” Felix managed, her eyes finding the floor. Not fast enough to not see the glow in Hyunjin's red eyes.
Another human trait Hyunjin didn't indulge - vampires often kept their eyes in a controlled black color that could resemble a human's natural eye color, even when their eyes were naturally red. Hyunjin didn't care for that, wearing the rouge with pride. Every inch of her screamed vampire, deadly immortal and eternal beauty.
Felix desired every inch of her.
And Hyunjin knew it, if the way she stepped into Felix's personal space was any indicator - could it even be considered personal space when Felix belonged to Hyunjin?
Felix was forced to raise her face when Hyunjin's long fingers held her chin, Hyunjin's height looming over the human. Hyunjin was so close that Felix lost her breath, unable to do anything but stare, blinking expectantly as if she hung on Hyunjin's every word. The duchess seemed pleased with the reaction, a dangerous smile playing on her red-painted lips.
“Jealousy looks so pretty on you, dear Felix.” Hyunjin whispered, letting go of Felix's chin to allow her knuckles to brush along Felix's freckled cheekbone.
“I- I don't understand, my lady.” Felix managed to make the words get out of her mouth but it only made Hyunjin chuckle.
Hyunjin brushed a rebellious strand of midnight hair back, tucking it behind Felix's ear. Her fingers trailed down Felix's neck, teasing over the human's speeding pulse.
“You don't have to worry about Princess Minhee. Even if she insists on these ridiculous outings, this fake courting is simply what it is, a cover for her scheming - and an absolute waste of my time.” Hyunjin sighed, the movement intentional. She didn't need to take a breath, but she might very well enjoy Felix shivering under her lips. “I would very much prefer… warmer company.”
Felix looked at the duchess under her eyelashes, trying not to look away. Felix didn't believe in jealousy, not when Hyunjin was not something she could have. Vampires did marry, even if it was for alliances and power games, but never with humans. It was something silly to think of, so Felix didn't fret about it. Even if Hyunjin married one day, Felix would be more than fulfilled simply able to continue serving her.
“You mustn't keep her highness waiting, my lady.” Felix changed the subject, lowering her gaze again, and Hyunjin clicked her tongue, displeased.
“I wish I could take you.” Hyunjin whispered, taking Felix's hand.
Hyunjin pressed a kiss to Felix's knuckles and the human couldn't help but gasp, looking up at her again.
Felix wanted to say she wished Hyunjin could take her too, but Hyunjin never took Felix along when she was meeting the princess. It drove Felix insane, but not as much as when Hyunjin's sharp teeth grazed upon the soft skin of her wrist.
“Allow me to serve you, my lady…” Felix whispered, feeling hot all over with the way Hyunjin was looking at her. Felix submissively offered her wrist and Hyunjin's red eyes teared from hers to stare at her pulse.
Felix couldn't help but make a soft sound when Hyunjin bit down, breaking skin. Hyunjin's tongue was warm as she lazily licked the crimson drops, smiling at the flavour. Hyunjin adored the taste of Felix and Felix was reminded of it whenever her vampire fed, her red eyes glowing bright. Hyunjin didn't linger long, just a quick snack was enough for now, and Felix had to suppress a mournful whimper as Hyunjin licked at her wrist intently. All it took was a few seconds, the vampire's venom quickly closing the wound and hiding all traces of the bite. It felt sensitive still, like a phantom pain, but Felix all but forgot about it when Hyunjin kissed her wrist one more time before backing off.
Hyunjin licked her bloody lips, still watching Felix, probably admiring the flustered state she left her servant in.
“Be a good girl while I'm gone, yes?” Hyunjin said with an intense, predatory gaze that made a shiver run down Felix's spine.
“Y-Yes, my lady. I hope your meetings go well.” Felix managed, hands together on her front as she lightly bowed. She only raised her head when Hyunjin turned around, watching as the vampire left.
Felix felt her chest incredibly tight as she stood alone in the large room, idly tracing her healed wrist with the tip of her fingers. A few hours without her mistress, then she could serve Hyunjin again and her world would make sense once more.
Felix was not idle, she started tidying up her lady's room and after she had a few errands to run, but still she felt a little bit pathetic at how hollow her chest was with Hyunjin’s absence. She has served her vampire for a couple of years now and couldn't be any happier.
Felix still remembered how nervous she had been at first, desperate to please Hyunjin and prove herself to her. Hyunjin, Felix realized now, had been very entertained and eager to toy with Felix, making the human all flustered and jumpy around her. Felix was more used to Hyunjin's quirks by now, but the vampire never failed to surprise her.
Still, Felix felt like she knew Hyunjin. Felt like she understood her as no one else did. Afterall, Felix was allowed to experience Hyunjin's private life, her mood swings, her feelings. Vampires did feel, Felix had only learned that after holding Hyunjin close to her chest after a rough day. Had only understood when she combed her hair and Hyunjin lowered her guard with Felix, and only with Felix. Felix felt like she could understand her without words, Hyunjin didn't even have to look at her for Felix to do what she needed her to. Felix was her perfect servant.
But not even Felix could've understood what Hyunjin was doing.
“Felix. Her grace has returned.” Felix was informed by one of the maids - human, of course - who bowed politely.
There was a complex hierarchy between the humans who worked directly for vampires. Felix was on top of it all. It didn't matter that she was a blood servant. Not only was she the duchess’s only servant, but Felix was her favored pet. Hyunjin didn't offer Felix to other vampires, her possessiveness and demand for exclusivity were ferocious. It made Felix untouchable, and the other humans knew that, as well as the other vampires, and it showed in the way they treated her.
Felix felt her heart beating faster and she couldn't hide a smile, turning around eager to meet her vampire. Hyunjin must be back in her quarters, waiting for Felix to bathe her and care for her after a certainly stressful afternoon.
“Felix, wait-” The maid stopped her again. She seemed hesitant. Felix couldn't remember her name but she knew the maid was new. New enough to still have a naive glow in her eyes, but not enough that her body was unscathed. Felix could see a red patch of skin peeking out of her high neckline, a poorly healed bite wound.
“Yes?” Felix only asked, trying to sound gentle. She kept herself away from the other humans. Felix had once been naive herself and soon she learned that most humans wouldn't pass up the opportunity to take her position in feeding Lady Hyunjin.
“Her grace did not return by herself.” The maid confessed, her voice but a whisper. She hesitantly stepped forward, looking at Felix. “She brought a human with her.”
Felix blinked very slowly, trying to remember to school her features. She didn't know that girl, didn't know her intentions. Yet, the seemingly gentle words meant to warn hit a mark inside Felix. Hyunjin brought a human home?
“A gift?” Felix made her voice sound steady and emotionless, even when her mind was racing even faster than her pulse was.
“I'm not sure, but I don't think so. People are already talking, she took the human straight to her quarters. They say…” She hesitated again, looking at her own feet for a second.
“Tell me.” Felix insisted, feeling lightheaded.
“They say she found a new favorite.” She spilled it, looking nervously at Felix. Despite Felix feeling like she had become stone, the girl touched her arm and squeezed it tight, bringing Felix back to reality. “Be careful.”
The girl was trying to help, Felix was able to realize, but she couldn't make herself whisper anything above a thank you. Felix's feet felt like lead as she took a few uneven steps ahead, her mind loud.
Hyunjin had taken another human in, Hyunjin had a human inside her chambers right at this moment. That never happened before, Hyunjin had never as much as glanced in the direction of another human. The duchess was very picky and her tastes were refined, she felt ill and repulsed around most humans. Not around Felix. And apparently, not around this other human.
Would Felix actually lose her favor? Being reasonable, it wasn't uncommon for vampires to keep two or three humans to themselves, though it was a little tiring to maintain all of them in good condition. Hyunjin had never shown any indication that she wanted a second, or that Felix was lacking in any sense, or…
Felix heard whispers. She realized people were staring at her, not only other human servants but also vampires, both servants and part of the duchess’s staff. They watched Felix under a new gaze, contemplative, and Felix forced herself to walk with her posture straight. She could not look defeated or she would soon become the castle's most desired snack.
Felix kept her head high, not meeting anyone's gaze. Like she was in control, like there was not a single thing wrong. Yet, when she reached the duchess’s chambers, she could not make herself knock on the door.
“Her grace is inside with the human.” Felix was informed by one of the vampire guards.
Why? Felix wanted to barge inside and demand explanations. How could Hyunjin bring another servant home without telling Felix, why would she even want that? Felix needed to see her, she knew that when she looked at Hyunjin she would be able to read those red eyes, she would understand what was going on. This couldn't be right, it was some sort of mistake. Felix only needed to talk to her.
Felix turned around on her heels and went as far as possible from Hyunjin's room. She walked down the stairs with her head high and her hand didn't tremble to open the garden door. Felix walked past the endless rows of flowers and doubled over behind a tree to puke.
Felix kneeled on the grass, feeling lightheaded all of a sudden. This couldn't be happening. No, how could she let this happen? She was careless. She took her place for granted, she assumed Hyunjin was pleased with her and now- Now Felix saw everything she had worked so hard for, everything her heart had ever desired, crumbling apart. She was losing Hyunjin. She was losing Hyunjin.
Felix lost track of time. She doesn't know how long she stayed sitting on the grass, only that eventually she stood up and started walking. Felix felt like a ghost haunting the place that once was her home. She didn't go to Hyunjin's quarters, instead finding the tiny room in the servants' wing that was given to her when she first arrived at the estate. Since she started serving Hyunjin, Felix had only slept there a handful of times, but now the dusty room welcomed her.
The days went by in a blur. Felix stayed in her lonely room, but sometimes she left. She forced herself into the kitchen, more to hear the gossip than anything. People talked a lot and if Felix made herself quiet, they barely noticed her there.
The duchess hadn't left her room in three days, nor had her new human pet. She was obsessed with it, they said. Felix heard more about how that happened, how Hyunjin was coming home after her meeting with the princess and found a poor human bleeding out in the streets. How she had pitied it and taken it in, and now was nursing it back to health. Taking a little bit of its blood, just enough so her venom could heal its body, but Hyunjin must be enjoying the taste.
How romantic, someone chuckled. For a vampire duchess to fall in love with a lowly human, what a beautiful tale it would be. Everyone was excited to meet this human who stole the duchess’s heart. Nobody had ever seen her like that.
“You should eat. You look pale.” Someone was telling Felix, but she could barely make out the words above the noise in her head.
Why not her? she could only wonder. Felix wasn't blind to the possibility that Hyunjin might marry someday, be it for an alliance or for love. Hyunjin may unite herself forever with a fellow vampire and Felix would be happily by her side. But this? Hyunjin could fall in love with a human and it wasn't her. Felix hadn't felt jealous of someone since the day Hyunjin had picked her among all those humans in the academy. Felix hadn't felt any of those petty feelings for years, hadn't wished for anything because she felt like she had everything. And now Felix had nothing but an overwhelming desire for things she couldn't have nor did she deserve. Hyunjin would never look at her with such a beautiful sentiment, Felix was not special. Just a common blood servant from the slums.
Felix didn't remember leaving the kitchen or walking around the castle. She felt numb, barely minding her surroundings. If she were more alert, she might not have found her wrist in the hold of a vampire.
“Hello, pretty thing. I believe we have met before, haven't we?” The vampire was smiling, a wicked thing that his fake black eyes did little to ease. Felix felt a shiver run down her spine at the sight of him. “Though we didn't have much opportunity to talk, not when you were always on Lady Hyunjin's lap. Not anymore, from what I heard.”
Felix recognized the vampire from the duchess’s staff, probably one of her accountants. One that had always stared at her for a little too long, but Felix had never had reason to worry. Felix could walk undressed around the estate and no vampire would lay a finger on her, not with Hyunjin’s known selfishness. Now, people heard differently.
“Excuse me, I-I have to…” Felix tried to think of an excuse to get out of there, but her voice trembled and the vampire's grip was bruising. Felix probably smelled all the fear she felt, smelled just like prey.
Felix couldn't hear the vampire’s words anymore, she could only stare at those sharp teeth as he pressed her against a wall, as he came closer to her neck-
Long fingers, digging through white flash with such strength that they tore their way through. Felix felt a spurt of black liquid on her face as the vampire's head was ripped off its body in a blink. The body fell to the ground, the grip loosening on Felix's wrist, and the head was thrown to the other side of the room as Hyunjin moved to hold her.
“Did he touch you? Show me, what did he do to you, my Felix?” Hyunjin's voice was frantic and her hands trailed all over Felix's body, looking for nonexistent injuries.
“Hyune” Felix breathed, her trembling hands gripping Hyunjin's red dress as the vampire moved her away from the destroyed body, still spilling black blood-
“Felix” Hyunjin held her face with both hands, making Felix look at her. Felix's spiraling mind focused on those beautiful red eyes, looking at her with so much concern and- anger. “What the hell are you doing?”
Felix blinked, the sharpness of her tone so foreign that it left Felix stunned. “Excuse me?”
“You ignore me for three days, ignore your mistress, and when I come search for you, worried, I found you about to feed another vampire!” Hyunjin seethed, sounding so upset that it only made Felix more incredulous.
“Me feeding him? I was attacked, and it's all your fault!” Felix had never spoken like that with Hyunjin, so out of line. It was unthinkable for a blood servant, and yet, now that the tears filled her eyes, Felix couldn't stop. “You only care for that stupid stray you found-”
“You're the one who turned your back on your duty, when I did everything for you!” Hyunjin insisted, grabbing Felix's wrists in her hands, but not holding her with her full strength, allowing Felix to dumbly try to push her away.
“Oh, you had plenty of company to serve you, I'm sure! If you really missed me so much, why not send word for me? Weren’t you the one who said that jealousy looked good on me? Here it is then! The truth is that I mean nothing to you-” Felix shouted the last words and Hyunjin pushed her to a hallway, away from the certainly heavy stares of the court that Felix didn't even care were watching them.
Now that the words were out, Felix couldn't stop crying, because it was true. Hyunjin had no reason to care for her and now that she was acting like a spoiled servant and Hyunjin had a much better option, the vampire could simply get rid of her. Felix would lose the only being that ever made her feel loved, and all because she was not good enough, not deserving of Hyunjin.
“Since when do I have to send for you? It's your duty to serve me!” Hyunjin insisted, but Felix didn't have the strength to answer anymore. Felix could only see tears and her body shook with how strong she hiccupped, her body letting go of all the emotions that bottled up these last few days. “Felix?”
Hyunjin's voice was something much softer now, barely a whisper. Felix tried covering her face as she broke down, but Hyunjin gently took her hands, bringing Felix closer.
“Felix, sweetheart, please…” Hyunjin whispered into Felix's dark hair and Felix was pathetic enough to put her arms around the vampire, seeking comfort in a cold body. It didn't matter, it was a better sensation than any human could ever offer, and Felix felt like she would break if Hyunjin ever let go. “Lixie, you need to breathe, love. Your heart is beating too fast, please. Listen to your mistress like the good girl you are, yes?”
Felix sobbed but she instinctively nodded. Felix always listened to her lady, and surely enough she started focusing on her breathing, slowly calming herself down under Hyunjin's attentive care. The vampire ran long fingers through her hair and whispered sweet words close to Felix's ear, pressing an occasional kiss to her neck.
“I'm sorry. I wish I were better for you, I wish I were worthy enough for you to keep me.” Felix whispered when she had enough breath to do so and Hyunjin pulled away just enough to look at her. “I don't know how to live without you anymore.”
“Of course you don't. You belong to me, you have no business doing anything else.” Hyunjin insisted, but it was something kind, as gentle as her fingers brushing lost tears away from Felix's freckled cheeks. “You're such a silly thing, my love. What are you even thinking, that I could ever not have you in my arms? Nonsense. I have no idea where you got that from, Lix.”
“That's what everybody's saying, that you had a new favorite. I thought…” Felix trailed off, feeling small and dumb for doubting her mistress, for making so many assumptions when she should know better. Felix knew Hyunjin like no one ever would, and Hyunjin wouldn't discard her like that.
“Felix” Hyunjin forced one of those intentional sighs from her perfect lips. “If you had been in your post like you're supposed to, then maybe you wouldn't be listening to meaningless gossip. I picked up the stray for you. I believe it's your sister.”
Felix blinked. She opened and closed her mouth like a fish, then blinked again. “My what?”
“Your sister. Her blood smells just like yours, I don't think it's a coincidence. Do you know her?” Hyunjin asked and Felix forced herself to think.
“I do believe I have siblings, but I was small when my mother sent me away. I don't remember them clearly.” Felix admitted and Hyunjin simply waved a dismissive hand.
“If you do not care for her, then I might as well throw her away. Nevermind that I spent all those days trying to heal her and keep her alive. I thought it would please you, since you didn't grow up with your family. Instead, what do I get? A rebellious little thing of a pet that avoids me for days and starves me…” Hyunjin's voice grew more and more dramatic and Felix couldn't help but laugh before hugging Hyunjin again, needing to feel her and make sure she was real.
“I'm sorry. I was- foolish and stupid. I will not doubt you ever again, my lady.” Felix vowed and Hyunjin pressed a kiss to her forehead, cupping Felix's jaw. “Allow me to serve you, please.”
“My sweet doll.” Hyunjin whispered against Felix's lips, pressing them together for a long second before trailing kisses down her neck.
Felix gasped as Hyunjin bit down where her neck met her shoulder and hugged Hyunjin's arms to hold herself. Hyunjin's hands held her waist firmly as the vampire lost herself in her favorite flavour and Felix closed her eyes, allowing the addictive venom to clear her mind and finally resting assured that she was wanted for eternity.