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“Leave him be.” Jay sighs. “He always does this. I’ll bring him over when he’s done, just go about your duties.” The young assistant bows gratefully and hurries back into the warm din of the restaurant.
“Ya, Park Sunghoon.” He finally saunters over after lighting another cigarette. Bits of snow dusted the top of his friend’s hair. Even in the dim light of this random town, maybe especially in this rural road, Sunghoon looks otherworldly. “He’s not out here… time to come back inside, you’re stressing your staff out.”
Sunghoon peers up at him, as if transported back to earth from some distant land, a ghost of something mournful flickers through his pale features. A familiar tune fades from his pursed lips. He smiles at Jay before walking over.
Every new moon since they were teens, Sunghoon whistles the same song. Wherever they are, he manages to find a quiet moment alone, a solemn prayer into the night. He’s not the sentimental kind, nor religious, but even the most pragmatic know how to honour the things that transform them.
Many lives ago, when they were just lost boys, Sunghoon injured himself during training. It was the anticlimactic end to an entire youth dedicated to success. A promising figure skater with many awards to his name, mere weeks from acceptance into the national team, he had only ever dreamt of one path from the moment he’d donned his first pair of skates.
When the muscle in his leg snapped landing a routine spin, there was no sound. It hadn’t even hurt, but he would never forget that sick feeling. It had a finality, a certainty embedded deep into his memory.
As if his body was telling him, from this moment, nothing will be the same.
His parents wisely chose to let him recuperate at a youth hospital far from Seoul. Away from the curious eyes of his classmates and the speculative voices of the sports world. Sunghoon was there for a month in a numb haze, a shell of his former self, oscillating from rage to despair, not once shedding a tear.
He doesn’t like to think about that place, but nights like this, when the moon is pinched at the edge of the sky he remembers that boy with luminous clarity. The one who helped him forget what he’d survived.
His leg, he could tell, would mend. But he could not see how his soul would ever be repaired. He had only imagined a world through the eyes of an athlete who just managed to find the base of the mountain he was meant to summit. And now what had become of him? Who was he?
Just as he’d forgotten about the world outside of his little hospital room, his doctor concluded he was well enough to be discharged. Something about his mother’s feigned optimism, her forced smiles, unshed tears, and the incessant buzzing of equipment that night had driven him to the brink of disorientation.
He wasn’t ready, he wasn’t even sure the whole thing wasn’t just a really bad dream. There was no way his leg had righted itself that fast, not when the rest of his life was shattered. He had to get out of there.
The winter chill had thawed into a biting spring wind. He snuck out so hastily he hadn’t thought to grab a coat, he hobbled in his indoor slippers out to the edge of the hospital garden. There, in the unfamiliar plot of grass, he watched dark ocean waves crash against the seaside courtyard. A final boundary between the human world and a deep unknown.
He doesn’t remember where his thoughts had wandered staring at the sea wall, nowhere good for sure. But there was no use tending to that part of the memory, not when what follows shifted the very molecules of his life.
He heard a quiet hum, persistent against the roar of the evening tide, and he turned abruptly when he realized he wasn’t alone.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” It was another boy, also in a hospital gown. Smart enough to bring his puffer and a scarf. His smile, Sunghoon noticed, was tired but genuine. He sat with his hands neatly tucked into his pockets, the moonlight cast his thin frame in an ethereal glow.
He started humming again. The same mournful tune, nostalgic yet unfamiliar. Sunghoon stood staring, spellbound.
“I’m glad I get to meet you. The other kids said you weren’t very friendly, but that’s ok. This place isn’t exactly Disneyland.” He giggles to himself, humming in between pauses.
“I leave tomorrow.” Sunghoon finds his words suddenly, not sure what caused him to speak at all. He crosses the threshold carefully, taking a seat at the other end of the bench. Far enough to be civil, close enough to hear the low hum of the tune.
“Congratulations.” The boy replies, mirth climbing the bow of his smile up to the slant of his eyes. He was beautiful. It took Sunghoon’s breath away.
“I don’t know what you’ve been through. Being here, it can’t have been easy.” The boy says. “It looks like someone up there is watching over you though.”
“What do you mean?” Sunghoon traces the boy’s gaze up into the night sky.
“It’s a new moon.” The boy beams, turning to look at him. Sunghoon’s chest hitches, as if the smile had made contact. “That tiny sliver of light. It’s the moon starting a new cycle. The perfect way to begin again.”
“Begin again…” Sunghoon pauses to whisper, tasting the words in his mouth, stirring the bitter grief he had briefly misplaced. He bristles, shaking his head, feeling the familiar dread creep back into his chest.
He shuts his eyes and almost succumbs when he’s startled by a sudden coughing fit. He looks up to see the boy hunched over, a hand placed over his mouth. Sunghoon feels himself reach up instinctively when the boy raises a palm to stop him.
“I’m ok.” He coughs again weakly. “Promise.” He says with an exhaustion drawn across the hollows of his face with familiar ease. For a second, Sunghoon notices the boy’s pallid complexion, broken by faint splotches of effort from coughing. He apologizes to no one, and Sunghoon continues to watch him with trepidation.
The only time since his fall that he’d thought about anything other than the catastrophic finality of his situation. This solemn, beautiful creature, still broken by whatever was ailing him. A sobering reprieve for Sunghoon’s paralyzed mind.
They settle into a kind of quiet, the boy almost looks like he forgot Sunghoon existed. He stares back up into the sky and resumes humming, bits of words peppered at the margins.
“What song…?” Sunghoon surprises himself by asking, shaking his head before he can finish the question.
“John Denver.” The boy smiles at him weakly. His plump lips, chapped from the cold, lift open hesitantly. He starts over, voice whispering words that carried valiantly against the night breeze.
Life is old there, older than the trees… Younger than the mountains…growing like a breeze.
Sunghoon leans over, letting each lyric pierce through the surreal veil they both seem to inhabit. The sweet baritone, rough with disuse, lifted in harmony against the lull of the tide.
Country Roads… take me home. To the place… I belong.
“There you are, Sunoo-ya!” The trance is broken by one of the doors at the far end of the building sliding open. A young woman, not much older than them, mutters curses under her breath.
“My sister.” The boy snickers. “I snuck out, you see. I have surgery tomorrow. I’m supposed to be asleep, but the moon was just too beautiful.”
“Sunoo…” Sunghoon whispers the name to himself like a prayer. He looks between the boy and the moon and agrees. Just too beautiful.
“That’s me.” He giggles again, his tiny voice drowned out by another bout of coughs.
“A-are you ok?” Sunghoon asks, seeing as this fit doesn’t seem to calm down.
“I guess we’ll find out…” Sunoo responds with a look of resignation, but he seems to muster another smile from behind the solemnity. “What’s your name?”
“Sunghoon.” He replies automatically.
“Well, Sunghoon-ssi. It was lovely to meet you.” Sunoo drives himself forward with a bit of effort, launching himself up onto his legs. Sunghoon leans over to help him out of politeness. But he can’t imagine actually touching the boy’s hand, afraid he’ll break.
He’s spared the attempt as Sunoo’s sister reaches him just in time to catch one of his arms against hers. She nags at him with a few well-placed curse words but the gentleness of her touch betrays a deep affection.
“I hope you make good use of our new moon.” Sunoo turns around briefly to smile at Sunghoon. He sat stock-still for what felt like hours. Unsure whether he’d just been visited by an apparition.
All he knew was that the weight he’d been carrying in his chest was suddenly lighter. And the next day, on the long drive back to Seoul, his dad turns around with an amused chuckle, a familiar one he’d forgotten could light his weary face.
“How do you know that song, Sunghoon-ah?” He shrugs, continues humming, forehead plastered against the cold car window, eyes peeled lazily upwards at the clear sky. Behind that happy blue he knew was a new moon, carrying with it a familiar tune. Not sad, not healed, just ready to start over.
“You can’t just leave your own wrap party because it’s a new moon.” Jay rests an arm across his shoulder with a gentle pat.
“I had to step out for some air.” Sunghoon replies as they both make their way back in, never one for crowds.
“You know, I’m still convinced you dreamt the whole thing.” Jay takes one last drag of his cigarette. “It’s been ten years and not a single clue has come up. It’s like he vanished into thin air.”
It’s not like Sunghoon had put in genuine effort into searching for the boy. But he couldn’t quite say he hadn’t tried either. A couple visits to the hospital over the years, dead end conversations about patient confidentiality and the recognition it was a common name for kids their generation left him wondering what happened to Sunoo.
Then things got busy, life trudged forward, and the question fell dormant. There’s a chilling reality that Jake had hesitantly brought up after one of their drunken conversations in acting school. Asking how sick he remembered him looking, and whether he thought the boy might not have survived surgery.
But Sunghoon would rather think of Sunoo as a figment of his imagination than to try give credence to that possibility.
“Could be a ghost.” Sunghoon snorts at Jay’s comment. From anyone else it would be a throw away joke. But this was scaredy cat Jay. He at least half believes it.
“Alright, Mr. Manager.” Sunghoon rolls his eyes. “Where’s this producer you want me to sweet-talk?”
Jay beams, launching into a spirited description of a project that sounds like something he won’t have much say in. Jay was more than his manager, he was the reason Sunghoon ended up here at all.
Senior year was a weird blur after that. He doesn’t remember finishing, excused from classes, he pretty much showed up to collect his diploma. Jay convinced him to audition for acting school with Jake, lured by the low bar for entry and cheap rent in their shared Seongsu loft. A fresh start.
In hindsight, it was obvious his friends wanted to keep an eye on him, afraid he’d spiral back into the wreckage of an old dream. They were probably right.
Eventually Jake found directing. That’s how he met his boyfriend Heeseung, a music producer, and together they became known for doing everything wrong and making it look brilliant. They did the opposite of run a tight ship. No calendars, no budgets, just good vibes, fearless execution and a surprising roster of big shot clients who couldn’t get enough.
Sunghoon drifted through acting school with little effort and a lot of luck. Jay called him a natural, others called him a heartthrob. Sunghoon suspected it was mostly timing and pretty privilege. He wasn’t gonna complain about rent getting paid.
Jay convinced him to let him manage despite being scouted by larger companies. A huge risk, but it turned out to be the right call.
Sunghoon agreed mostly because it was easier than arguing with Jay when he got his head wrapped around one of his crackpot ideas. Jay helped shape his career with the kind of brutal honesty and merciless strategy that only a best friend could get away with.
At first acting was just a thing he did, paid the bills, kept his parents from worrying. Sure, he picked up technique and an impressive array of wins along the way. But it surprised him how much he ended up enjoying it over the years. Each role seemed to tease out morsels of himself he’d otherwise never have met. Thankfully, he could leave them on set.
Now he was a house hold name, a hit, a brand even. And he had established himself within the industry as deeply professional, hard working, if a bit aloof.
“Jake is bringing their new client from Japan. Says they’re pretty cool.” Jay doesn’t look up from his phone. “Wants us to show them a good time.”
“I’m not going.” Sunghoon replies with a yawn, leaning back against the headrest of the van and sinking with a dull thud.
“Come on. Your drama finally wrapped, you need to blow off some steam before press officially starts.” Jay says unconvincingly, fingers flying against the screen of his phone. “Besides you haven’t seen Jake in weeks, I’m sick of covering for you.”
“I’m tired, Jay.” Sunghoon groans. “Just drop me off at the dorm and let me catch up on sleep. Tell him I’ll stop by the studio before awards season starts.”
“Suit yourself, grandpa. Don’t say I didn’t try.” Jay replies unsurprised. He clicks open the partition and lets the driver know they’ll need to stop off at the apartment first.
Jay flips through his phone, reading out the week’s upcoming commitments. Auditions, an emcee gig, a photoshoot with Elle Korea, a table read. He’s so exhausted, he can’t imagine how any of it is going to get done. He barely absorbs any of the things coming out of Jay’s mouth.
“How many days do I have off?” Sunghoon interrupts, asking the only thing that really matters to him. Jay sighs, the pause betraying a guilt he’d admitted to feeling, having been the one to stack so many appearances. Sunghoon had brushed him off then and meant it. Reminding him they both committed to riding the momentum.
“One.” Jay replies dolefully. “Two if I can get them to replace you for this emcee gig. But they’ll probably strong arm you into presenting during music awards as pay back. Would you rather an extra day now? Or one in….two months?”
“Now.” Sunghoon doesn’t even wait to reply, eyes closed. “Please.”
What he really needs is to sleep knowing he doesn’t have an early call time the next day. Jay nods solemnly as the van quietly pulls into the familiar parking lot.
He supposes he’s made Jay’s job easy by being practically ascetic. He never left the apartment unless it was for a job. Especially now that his career seems to be picking up steam, he found himself desperate to spend more time in bed, staring at a wall even, just to recuperate from the punishing schedule.
Jay also preferred to stay in. Even though he enjoyed socializing, Jay was ultimately pretty lazy. His only real hobbies besides making money included short-form napping and long-form napping, it seemed natural they’d continue being roommates.
Everything in Sunghoon’s life was driven by this almost monastic need to go with the flow. It’s not to say that he didn’t encounter obstacles, it’s just that he never resisted against whatever got in his way.
Rejected from a role? It’s fine. Project got cancelled? Ok, what’s next? Costar fell into scandal? What can I do to help? From the outside it looked chill and calm, to his friends it looked almost apathetic. His parents worried it was a side effect of having his athletic dreams nipped in the bud - afraid to fight, afraid to hope, afraid to dream.
Maybe the reason the conversation at the hospital still stuck in his consciousness was that it made going with the flow feel like the sensible thing to do.
After all, like that boy had told him, behind every sky - stormy, dark or clear - was a moon watching over him.
Who was he to resist? Why swim against the tide? Why bother questioning the powerful path unfolding in front of him? He learned to trust it, let it run its course, did his best, and accepted its worst. It was a kind of spiritual surrender. Not easy, but a softening of the paralyzing grief that once clenched his young heart.
It was the gift he’d received from that boy and his new moon many years ago. He loosened the knot of ambition, slain the staggering fear of uncertainty while quietly humming a song that belonged to a different age.
Sunghoon woke up, bleary eyed and groggy. He strode over to the kitchen counter and slowly went about making an espresso and toast. He would sit quietly at the living room and stare at the tv. Never turning it on, waiting for his brain to catch up with his body.
It was a welcome new system. Not long ago, Jay used to have a strong cup of black coffee ready on the counter along with a couple hard boiled eggs. Sunghoon wasn’t complaining though. It was nice to have a quiet morning in an empty dorm without Jay’s loud footsteps and the muffled drawl of admin calls he rapid fired before 10am.
The door clicks open and he assumes it’s his assistant Jihoon, stepping in to read through the day’s commitments. Instead in walks his manager. Looking dishevelled in last night’s suit, shirt unbuttoned indecently. Sunghoon snorts and raises a brow at him.
“Oh, you’re up.” Jay says feigning nonchalance. He traipses over to the kitchen counter after toeing off his Tom Fords. “Any more coffee?”
“There’s probably enough for another cup.” Sunghoon replies, a curious smile curls across his sleepy face. He stares at Jay amused, who seems determined to ignore him as he pours himself a cup. “You’re seeing someone.”
“It’s not a big deal.” Jay retorts a little too quickly with an exasperated sigh. He snatches the toast before buttering it liberally. Sunghoon watches him scrape off crumbs, leaving a mess all over the kitchen counter and settling on a bar stool across from him with a generous bite.
“That’s mine.” Sunghoon grins with a brow raised and Jay scoffs at him, sending more crumbs flying. “It is a big deal, Jay. You haven’t been on a date since that law school sunbae dumped you.”
“Ok first of all that was mutual.” Sunghoon rolls his eyes as Jay continues to bite into his toast like a feral dog. “Besides if it wasn’t for me, Chaewon-noona would’ve never found out she was into women.”
“What an impressive testimony to your prowess.” Sunghoon grins and Jay chucks the last corner of bread at him. “So who is she? How'd you even manage to meet anyone new…”
“Well I met him through Jake.” Jay pauses, levels a glare at Sunghoon, challenging him to comment. Sunghoon’s brows rise to his hairline, lips purse into whistle. That’s definitely new.
“Dude, shut the fuck up.” Jay rolls his eyes and Sunghoon can’t help but laugh.
“Oh I’m sorry?” Sunghoon cackles as Jay yanks at his own hair. “You haven’t slept here in weeks and you roll up looking fucked out of your mind by some guy and I’m not allowed to comment?”
“I’m not getting fucked out of my mind” Jay snaps, fingers cracking as he mimes air quotes. “Jungwon and I just… he’s needed a bit of help settling into the local industry. I have a few connections, I was happy to help.”
“Jungwon?” Sunghoon echoes, teasing smile never leaving his lips. “That’s his name?”
“One of Jake’s clients. Well, he manages one of Jake’s clients.” Jay replies matter of factly. “They’re Korean but they made it big in Japan.”
“Japan?” Sunghoon’s head cocks sideways curiously, taking a sip of his coffee.
“Yeah, singing Folk of all things. Now they’re trying to break into the Korean market.” Jay shrugs, suddenly preoccupied with checking his nails. “You would’ve met them if you’d gone out that night. They’re cool. You’d like them.”
“And do you?” Sunghoon teases.
“Do I what?” Jay says taking a sip of his coffee trying desperately to ignore the lilt in Sunghoon’s tone.
“Like him?” Sunghoon chuckles behind his coffee cup. Jay dabs at his mouth with a crumpled sheet of paper towel before chucking it at Sunghoon’s forehead. He ducks expertly, laughing. “Oh come on, Jay. You’re not the type to sacrifice sleep for anything unless you’re…”
“Fine. I like him. Ok?” Jay admits behind gritted teeth. “He’s different. But we’re taking it slow. They travel a lot and I don’t… I don’t want to rush into anything.”
Well this was definitely different. The look on Jay’s face was different. Something he recognized and hadn’t seen in years. It was the face of determination. The kind he once had, when he pursued something he felt was too precious to lose. It was the look of someone who had something to protect.
“Well I’m not going to get cast in this movie if I’m late for auditions.” Sunghoon sighs, getting up from the couch with a wide smirk. He walks over to pour himself a glass of water. “And I’m not sure we’ll be giving the right impression with that.”
Jay follows his pointed finger slowly down to his own chest, where a small but very visible hickey was painted dangerously close to his left nipple.
“Oh for fuck’s…” Jay gets up and storms over to his room.
“Take your time, we have an hour.” Sunghoon yells out into the empty living room. “Wouldn’t want you to rush into anything now…”
“Shut the fuck up!” Jay’s muffled scream could be heard from his bathroom just in time for the shower to start running. Sunghoon chuckles to himself satisfied. He was happy for Jay, it was about time honestly.
For a couple weeks things go smoothly. Sunghoon’s gruelling schedule had pockets of reprieve. He was determined to feel rested even if it was just an hour with a sleep mask in the van. The engagements were easier to manage knowing Jay had somehow carved out a week’s vacation for him to look forward to.
Jay, with his sudden love interest, was somehow more professionally present even though he was less physically available. Sunghoon was grateful for Jihoon stepping up.
As much as Jay was the brains behind this operation, he was a tattered wreck when he wasn’t talking to his new boyfriend. They were always whispering sweetly to each other over FaceTime and it wasn’t exactly a relaxing soundtrack between takes. He was weirdly protective over this Jungwon.
“So we’ll swing by at 3 to drop you off at the salon. The stylists will meet us there.” Jihoon reads off the call sheet. “They emailed details for the after party, did you see?”
“I’m not going to that.” Sunghoon brushes it off and Jihoon chuckles knowingly. “I don’t even know where Jay is. Do you?”
“Yes, he didn’t tell you?” Sunghoon shakes his head at Jihoon’s confused expression. “He’s probably backstage with Jungwon-hyung. Sunny-hyung was nominated.”
“Oh maybe I’ll finally get to meet the infamous boyfriend.” Sunghoon sighs as the van pulls up. Jihoon chuckles and nods quietly, moving the garment bag hanging from the door frame out of the way.
“He’s so cool, hyung. They’re perfect together.” Jihoon says with genuine kindness in his eyes and it makes Sunghoon happier for Jay. He gestures a half salute before heading inside to mentally prepare for the event.
Music awards shows weren’t his arena. But he was happy to wave at his fans and maybe enjoy a cocktail or two after reception. Jay might’ve forced him to hobnob with industry elites before, he’d been putting a lot less pressure on Sunghoon this year. His plan was to show face and leave as soon as he was professionally allowed.
“There you are.” Jay claps him over the shoulder just as he enters the building. The muffled screams of the fans from the step-and-repeat are drowned out by the glass doors. “I need you to do me a favour.”
“Hello to you too.” Sunghoon rolls his eyes. “Wow, it’s almost like I don’t have a manager. Maybe I should just fire you and give Jihoon a raise.”
“Shut up.” Jay puts two hands on his shoulders. “Listen I tried to say no.”
“Oh fuck, what is it now.” Sunghoon groans.
“I warned you they were going to negotiate when you backed out of emceeing.” Jay sighs, he has a fierceness in his eyes that told Sunghoon there wasn’t a way out and to not make this harder than it already is. “Taemin-hyung can’t present tonight. They tried, the nose job is too swollen.”
“What does that have to do with me.” Sunghoon shrugs his hands off and continues to walk towards the other side of the hallway when Jay yanks him by the arm towards the green room area. He groans knowingly.
“Listen, it’s one award. You’ve done a million of these. You’re reading three sentences and announcing the winner.” Jay rapid fires with frustration. “Sunghoon-ah. Please. You do this for me and I’ll…”
“Jay-hyung, they’re calling for…oh.” An unfamiliar voice breaks through the hallway just as they door swing open. “Sunghoon-ssi. It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Yang Jungwon.”
“Jungwon-ssi?” Sunghoon turns around amused. He’s face to face with a character he’d only seen as shadows on Jay’s screen before. He was a bit shorter and leaner than Sunghoon had imagined but impossibly pretty.
Jungwon’s head is still bowed and he reaches over for a surprisingly firm handshake. Behind the young, cherubic face he could sense a fierceness that was instantly impressive. Sunghoon peers over Jungwon’s shoulder where Jay had miraculously slipped behind.
BE . NICE . Jay mouths threateningly at his best friend, looking nervous. His hands find their way down Jungwon’s waist who elbows him automatically. Sunghoon can’t help but grin at the interaction.
“I’m so glad you agreed to step in for Taemin-ssi.” Jungwon quickly adds, gesturing for them to enter what looks like the green room for his own charge. Jay’s eyes widen, begging Sunghoon quietly for mercy.
“Yes, well I couldn’t say no.” Sunghoon replies as he enters the small space. “Especially since Jay graciously offered to buy me a custom gaming rig in exchange…”
“He did?” Jungwon asks curiously, looking over at Jay who sweats through a wide smile. “That’s so generous.” He adds, eyes bright as pearls. He was adorable, it’s no wonder Jay was a goner.
“Sunghoon-ah let me introduce you to Niki!” Jay claps him on the shoulder again with a fake laugh, gripping a bit too tight for comfort, desperate to change topics. “He styled the debut album!”
“It’s an honour, Sunghoon-ssi.” Niki shakes his hand. “I’m watching that military drama you were in. You’re so good in it.”
“Thank you, the pleasure’s all mine.” Sunghoon replies professionally, noting a faint Japanese accent.
“I’m sorry but they really are calling for the presenters to head over to the stage. You’re up in ten minutes.” Jungwon looks at his phone, a look of firm capability flashes across his young face. “We really appreciate you stepping in. Good luck.”
“Thank you. It was nice to finally meet you.” Sunghoon nods. “I’ve never seen Jay this astronomically down ba…”
“Alright, that’s enough out of you!” Jay practically yelps, yanking him unceremoniously out of the room and drags him towards a group of harried looking stage hands.
“He’s cute.” Sunghoon chuckles, managing to level a look at his best friend who has the nerve to blush proudly. “Definitely too cute for you. Does he know you’re a raging loser?”
“Ok, please go fuck yourself.” Jay whispers as he brushes invisible dust from Sunghoon's shoulder one last time before he gets ushered away by someone with a headset. “I’ll come find you after!” Jay yells out.
He was glad the cadence of these shows no longer terrified him. He’d found a way to alchemize the frenetic energy into a kind of fuel. He greeted fellow actors he passed, some seniors he hadn’t seen in a while on the way to the stage wings.
His suit suddenly tightens across the chest, familiar butterflies do somersaults in his stomach as the enormous lights appear across from him, the crowd’s muffled laugh a familiar din as the emcee slowly improvises a joke.
“Here’s the envelope, Sunghoon-ssi.” Ms. headset whispered firmly, placing gold stationery in his hands.
“I’ll signal for you to walk over. After you read the prompts, a clip will play and when it ends, please announce the winner, hand them their trophy and exit left. The winners will exit right. Ok? In 5…4…3…”
Sunghoon nods and hears the emcee mention his name from the stage, his ears suddenly flood with the sound of applause. He feels a slight nudge before he goes straight into professional mode. He takes a deep breath, bows and lets the familiar rush of adrenaline guide him as he speaks in front of a live audience.
He can’t see the clips flashing from behind him but he can hear the slow drawl of trot instrumentals. He reads out their names with graceful spontaneity. Moher…Yeoyu and Seolbin…Sunny
“And the award for best Folk Album of the year goes to…” There’s pin drop silence and all he can hear is the crisp sound of cardstock against the gold envelope.
“Sunny by Kim…Sunoo…?”
The hall erupts with thunderous ovation and the room fills with a slow mournful tune, a version he hadn’t heard in years. A sweet baritone sound, melodic and wistful… like a hymn breaking through the barriers of time, and his blood goes cold.
Driving down the road, I get a feeling… I should’ve been home yesterday…
His neck snaps upwards towards the screen before he can think. Up there, as if conjured from a dream was the smiling face from the deepest corners of his memory. Older, brighter, but no less dazzling.
Country roads, take me home… to the place… I belong.
The applause settles just as his heart hammers desperately against his chest. His mouth hangs open inelegantly as he turns to watch as a boy in a white suit ascends the stairs from the audience.
Sunghoon’s breath catches as he sees the same effervescent smile. He blinks to make sure he hasn’t hallucinated this moment, leaning to grip the podium when his elbow brushes briefly against the trophy with an audible clink. He catches it before it teeters off the edge, looking up to see those slanted eyes poised right at him and he swears he can hear the roar of ocean tides.
“Sunoo…” He whispers to himself.
“That’s me.” The boy giggles as he reaches for the prize. He looks radiant in white and Sunghoon is stunned into silence. Sunoo’s smile stretches wider as he reaches over and plucks the proffered trophy from Sunghoon’s frozen palms. “…Thank you so much.”
Sunghoon’s professional training must’ve kicked in at some point. He stood behind Sunoo awkwardly. Later realizing he’d drifted too close where his astonished expression could be seen from every angle, pale and dazed.
Sunoo thanks his fans, his parents, his noona, his best friend. He shares that his childhood was marred by health issues, how giving up seemed like the easier option. But music always managed to find him just as he was ready to give up.
“This album is about starting over as many times as it takes. About trusting that everything falls into place as it should.” Sunoo beams, eyes welling with tears. “That no matter how far you are from home, whatever your troubles, life can still be sunny. Thank you.”
He turns around, trophy in hand, and Sunghoon reaches over instinctively. He doesn’t know why, he couldn’t imagine touching this incandescent angel with his own mortal hands.
Sunoo’s eyes flicker up to his face and for beat that lasts an eternity, he smiles and links his arm through Sunghoon’s as if it was the most natural thing in the world. They exit towards the right side of the stage, Sunghoon looks down one final time to make sure he hadn’t imagined the whole thing after all.
“Sunny-ssi please head this way for press!” An orchestra of stage hands meet them like an efficient chorus as soon as they cross off stage. Sunghoon himself is led down a set of stairs towards the green room area. The spectre of Sunoo’s hand against his arm throbbing.
“Dude, what the hell happened? Did you freeze?” He turns to wherever he can hear Jay’s familiar voice. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I- I think I might’ve…” Sunghoon finally finds his words, still dazed. He looks down at the envelope in his hands and blinks at the name on the card as if afraid they’ll disappear. “Kim Sunoo…”
“Yeah, that’s Jungwon’s artist. Best friends since they were young.” Jay’s brows are furrowed in confusion. “That’s Sunny.”
“Jay, that’s…” Sunghoon’s hands grip at Jay’s shoulders. “that’s Sunoo…The Sunoo… From the hospital.”
“You’re kidding?” Jay’s eyes widen as he mentally glues pieces into place, he stares at Sunghoon who’s pulled out his phone and viciously speed reading every article that pops up when he searches Kim Sunoo Singer. “Are you sure?”
“Born 2003…a year younger. Debuted in Japan two years ago…song writer by training. Ministerial award… for donating 100 million won to a paediatric hospital in Suwon…” Sunghoon scrolls through the first five head lines. “Dude.”
“Maybe they just have the same name? Are you…” Jay looks dumbfounded. “I mean he seems to like covering American country songs.”
“I mean he looks grown up. And he’s blonde.” Sunghoon replies, eyes never leaving his phone. “But I’ll never forget that face.”
“Jay-hyung!” They both turn to see Niki beckoning them to the same green room from earlier. They watched as Sunoo was slowly being led down the same hallway trailed by reporters congratulating him on the win. “We’re trying to head to the after party before traffic gets crazy. We’ll see you guys there?”
“Oh I don’t think…” Jay starts, hand on Sunghoon’s shoulder ready to decline.
“Yes.” Sunghoon interjects. “We’ll see you there.”
It’s a quiet ride through evening traffic. Jihoon was busy reading out twitter comments from the front seat. It turns out looking struck dumb by a fellow celebrity was exactly the kind of cross over content the internet was looking to snack on that night. Especially Sunghoon, known for being chronically unfazed.
He could ignore the comments about his lapse in professionalism, or the undeniable admiration drawn across his disoriented face. But the speed of the internet meme-ing his awkward outstretched arm begging for Sunoo to hold was simply humiliating. Jihoon was scratching his head staring at Jay, reading things out like ‘catastrophically whipped’, ‘terminally obsessed’, not sure how to field the barrage of impressions from fans.
Jay sat staring at the Sunghoon, afraid he was going to combust. The relative silence inside the van was clearly the opposite of whatever explosions were going through Sunghoon’s head.
“Dude!” Sunghoon isn’t even fully out of the van before he’s pulled into a bear hug by Jake. Behind him was Heeseung’s comforting smile. He feels a few pats on his shoulder before Jake pulls him away to stare directly into his eyes. “Jay texted me, that’s wild… Are you sure?”
“Jakey.” Heeseung warns, placing a soft hand on Jake’s arm. “Let the kid breathe.”
“I know I just can’t believe it. Do you think he remembers you?” Jake bounces on the balls of his feet as he leans against his boyfriend. “He’s like a myth! We’ve heard so much about him and you know how Sunghoon is…”
“I’m not going through that…” Sunghoon tilts his chin at the throng of reporters and fans at the front of the building.
“It’s fine we’re cutting through the back. Jungwon just texted me they’re on their way. Let’s find a quiet spot. I need tequila.” Jay guides the group through the side entrance.
The rest of the night blurs between noise, smoke and boredom. The other team is running late, interviews take forever when a breakout star wins. They’re nestled in a dark corner, the light is a neon shade of lilac and everyone’s nursing hard liquor. The never ending parade of strangers coming up to them is why Sunghoon never comes to these things.
Jake and Jay are talking to each other and peppering in his name as if he’s a part of the conversation. He sees that Heeseung’s gaze is focused on him and with an unreadable look. That too is somehow familiar and mildly comforting.
“You alright?” Heeseung finally asks.
“Not sure.” Sunghoon replies after a long pause. “Gonna head to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”
He splashes his face with cold water, not clear what he actually wanted out of the situation. He realizes he’s spent the better part of his 20’s wondering what had happened to this boy, and he’d never really thought about what he’d actually do or say if he saw him again.
Remember me? What the fuck… You just really made an impression? He runs the sentence through his head and splashes his face with another palm full of water. Idiot.
He walks back to their corner and just like earlier on stage, the air is sucked out of his lungs. There he was smiling, like a pink-hued apparition from the depths of Sunghoon’s memory.
Sunoo was flanked by Jungwon and Jay on one side, Jake on the other. He’d gotten rid of his white suit jacket and his bow tie was crumpled in his hands, but he still looked immaculate.
They all turn to see Sunghoon walk back into the room. He clears his throat and reaches to shake Sunoo’s hand.
“I’m sorry about earlier.” His brain finally decides to come online. “I got a bit flustered. Congratulations on your win, it’s well deserved.”
The group bursts into a thrum of conversation, Sunoo takes his hand and shakes it gently. He thanks Sunghoon again and takes a sip of something clear in a delicate glass. Jake gets up and offers his seat with a wink.
“Jay-hyung talks a lot about you. I'm so glad to finally meet you.” Sunoo says and Sunghoon continues to stare at his face. Sunoo’s smile falters for a second before taking another sip.
“I know we can’t postpone, but it’ll be tough to find someone in time.” Jungwon gripes and Jay’s hand finds its way across his shoulder to rub gentle circles. Jungwon doesn’t rebuff him this time.
“What’s the problem?” Heeseung asks, voice calm over the din.
“That rookie actor backed out of the shoot for Sunny’s come back MV. We just got the email.” Jake pouts. “I can try to push out the rentals but it’ll be tough to secure permits again for some of the locations.”
“I’ve reached out to some agencies from Tokyo, maybe we can fly someone in.” Niki replies. “Finding the right look is one thing, last minute availability is another issue.”
“The one you’re shooting out by the coast? In Gyeonggi?” Heeseung clarifies and Jake nods his head mournfully. “Shit, that’s in a few days.”
“I grew up there.” Sunoo whispers to Sunghoon behind his palm. “It felt right to shoot where the songs were written, you know?”
Sunghoon looks down at the whimsy behind Sunoo’s kind smile. It was both solemn and joyful. Exactly the same way he’d remembered. The table settles into silence.
“I’ll do it.” He says without thinking, eyes finding Sunoo’s own. It was electrifying. The room remains still.
“What?” Sunoo finally asks bewildered.
“You’re too busy” Jake interjects.
“We can’t afford you…” Jungwon chimes in at the same time.
“Well I don’t know if I have the right vibe you’re looking for but…I have a week off.” Sunghoon replies with a shrug, eyes never leaving Sunoo’s. “And I’m sure we could work something out with my manager. Right, Jay?”
Jay looks up at him baffled, then he smiles. He leans over to whisper something into Jungwon’s ear and they start talking logistics with Jake. Heeseung watches with amusement as they instantly pull their phones out.
“What just happened?” Sunoo looks up at him and Sunghoon has to bite the inside of his cheek.
“So tell me about growing up in Gyeonggi.” Sunghoon replies instead. “It’s been years since I visited the coast.”
The days leading up to the shoot were nerve wracking. For no other reason than Sunoo texting him cryptic messages that he would then spend hours trying to decode. He refused to admit he’d almost exclusively consumed Kim Sunoo media ever since the party. Every minute of break, between exercises, shuttling between jobs, even in bed before sleep.
“You look constipated.” Jay told him as they load up the last of their suitcases for the drive.
“Pizza bunggeoppang or mint chocolate ice cream” Sunghoon reads out loud.
“Are you having a stroke?” Jay does one final check before firing out a text message to the rest of the team. “You hate sugar. And carbs. And joy.”
“No, asshole. Sunoo sent me that this morning. I still don’t know how to respond. Is he asking because he wants me to bring him some, or he wants to know what I’d rather eat?”
“Sunoo texted you that?” Jay raises a brow, then replies crankily. “I don’t know, both sound like childish garbage to me.”
“What crawled up and pissed in your cereal?” Sunghoon rolls his eyes. Jay had been cursing all night while they packed and this morning wasn’t much different. “Do you need to have a smoke before we drive out?”
“I quit.” Jay sniffs, barely whispering to himself and he shut the door to the van, refusing to make eye contact. Sunghoon looks at him confused and reaches over to place the back of his hand over Jay’s forehead. He gestures to see if he was sick and gets smacked violently by his manager. “I quit, ok. It’s been three days and I’m losing my mind.”
“We tried for years to get you to quit why’re you suddenly…” Sunghoon’s brow lifts and a brief smile slips across his face.
“Jungwon hates it” Jay replies cowed. “He says it stinks.”
“Well if it’s any consolation.” Sunghoon leans back and focuses on his phone again. “You still stink.”
He’s reading over the cryptic text message again when he hears a phone camera snap. He looks up to see Jay taking his photo.
“If only your fans knew you only look brooding and mysterious.” Jay sighs and saves the image to a folder for future use. “I wonder what they’d think if they realized you’re actually a dumbass with nothing in your brain but CrossFit and Kim Sunoo.”
“Isn’t that Jungwon?” Sunghoon points out the window as they turn a corner.
“What? Where?” Jay leans over urgently. “He said they were stuck at the hotel!”
“Now who’s a dumbass?” Sunghoon chuckles as he takes a photo of Jay crowded over the centre console. He cackles at the helpless look on his face. “I’m sending this to your boyfriend.”
“You seem comfortable texting them.” Jay smirks, rolling his eyes. It is a well-known fact that Park Sunghoon was terrible at communication. This is why he has very few friends in the industry.
“Well Sunoo started it.” Sunghoon sniffs, replying matter factly. “I didn’t want to be rude.” Jay hums to himself with a smirk.
“Do you think he remembers you?” Jay finally asks after a long pause. The buildings start morphing into trees as they leave the city.
“I don’t know.” Sunghoon replies pensively. “I’m not sure it matters.”
“Of course it does.” Jay replies, looking at him curiously. They stay silent for the rest of the drive.
The first day is a bit anticlimactic, for one thing the rain kept everyone indoors. Jake looked like he was ready to explode when the crew kept running back with bad news. Thank god Heeseung tagged along. He kept Jake grounded, and somehow they managed to prep the gear, ready to salvage what’s left of the afternoon. Too bad Jungwon’s team got waylaid by some kind of bus issue.
“Ok, they’re pulling up.” Jay says, rushing out of the trailer to go meet them. Sunghoon instantly checks his reflection in the mirror across from his seat. Making sure his make up didn’t get smudged, he tells himself.
“Sorry we’re late!” Niki and Jungwon rush into the mess hall the crew had turned into a bit of a green room. They’re in an old elementary school building, not quite abandoned, perfect for studios. They lug around giant bags of snacks and drinks they must’ve picked up on the way.
“You didn’t miss much.” Sunghoon comforts Sunoo who runs up to him looking apologetic. “Well other than Jake going through the five stages of grief when one of the grips dropped the steadicam near a puddle.”
“We’re really sorry.” Sunoo replies ruefully. Sunghoon shakes his head, trying not to reach over and pat the rainwater from his forehead. He looked dazzling, even in a giant fleece Hoody and rain boots. “After you slotted us into your time off and everything…”
“It’s really nothing. I actually think it worked out well.” Sunghoon says, handing him a handkerchief. Sunoo looks at it hesitantly before accepting it with a slight bow. “Gave the crew time to switch gears and set up for the rain. These things happen, please don’t worry.”
“You’re very kind, Sunghoon-ssi.” Sunoo says, smiling. His make up artist orbits around them, touching up Sunoo’s face with clinical speed.
“Here.” Sunghoon hands him a plastic bag, he takes it and peers into it curiously.
“Bungeoppang?” He looks up confused. “Oh my god is this mint choco ice cream? What is this for?”
“Didn’t you…” now it was Sunghoon’s turn to look confused. He pulls out his phone to show Sunoo. “Your text?”
“Oh my god! That’s for Jihoon-ssi!” Sunoo chuckles. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention! It’s this stupid Japanese phone…”
“What?” Sunghoon looks confused, scrolling up.
“He was asking me what my favourite snacks are. It’s for content.” Sunoo replies, a faint blush paints his cheeks. They look charming. “Why did you…”
“Well, there you go.” Sunghoon says, patting the plastic bag. “I’m glad I know what your favourite snacks are now.”
“Sunny-yah, Sunghoon-ah we’re going to try and catch the last of this light ok?” Jake rushes over, he looks soaked to the bone from his baseball cap to the giant poncho he had on. He runs past them to start gathering the crew.
“Ready?” Sunoo asks as he pulls off his giant fleece jacket, eyes shimmering delicately. Niki chases after them with a garment bag and a can of hair spray. Sunghoon nods in response, ignoring the lump in his throat.
He can see why Jake chose this spot. After many years, Sunghoon noticed that Jake had an eye for finding human structures at the precipice of unpredictable nature. His work always looked expansive, inviting you to feel his own awe at the vastness of the world.
Sunghoon stood at the end of the wooden trail, a cluster of trees to his left, ocean waves to his right. Even as rain poured out of the sky, this was the easiest job in the world. He was asked to stare longingly at Sunoo who, even from the back, was radiant.
“Cut!” Jake yells out, looking up at the sky from the side of the tent he was posted under. “Ok we gotta move quick, guys. Sunghoon-ah!”
Sunghoon jogs over as Jake beckons for him, Niki is dabbing at Sunoo’s cheeks while Jungwon vigorously shakes a hand warmer for him to keep in his pockets. Jay stands behind Jungwon, holding up an umbrella so he doesn’t get wet.
“Dude, who do you work for?” Sunghoon aims a kick at Jay.
“You look fine…” Jay shrugs, unfazed.
“You guys did great!” Jake runs over to meet them.
“Your close ups were incredible, Sunny.” Jake pats him on the shoulder, flashing stills on a small screen so they could see. “You look dignified back there, Sunghoon-ah. Very striking.”
“Thank you.” They say in unison.
“I need you to kiss.” Jake levels a look at the two of them and Sunoo turns behind him to catch Sunghoon staring right at him. “I know it’s sudden, but the sun’s about to set, it’ll help when we edit.”
“Wha—“ Sunoo starts. Jake turns to Sunghoon urgently.
“Sunghoon-ah, this is the love of your life. You’ve been searching for him for years. You can’t bear to lose him now…” His eyes burning with seriousness. “Make us believe.”
Sunoo turns to Jake, suggesting they hold off.
“Let’s do it.” Sunghoon replies without missing a beat. “We don’t want to lose the light.”
“Are you sure?” Sunoo asks shyly and Sunghoon nods reassuringly.
The kiss is unlike anything he’s ever had. He’s locked lips with many people for work, for play, for the hell of it. He’s used kisses to get out of things, to get his way, and just for fun.
Something about Sunoo looking up, his small, cold hands resting softly against Sunghoon’s shoulders, his wet lashes trembling with nerves, those perfect plump lips and the tiny gasp he emits when Sunghoon finally holds him.
He really holds him, gathers him into the warmth pooling at his chest, afraid he’ll spill into the mists and vanish. Sunghoon’s hands shift firmly across his waist, the way a musician might press frets in desperation, stretching a chord longer than it’s meant to be played. Just to hear it sung again.
“Cut.” Jake breaks the silence. No one moves for a beat, Sunghoon lets go. Sunoo’s eyes flutter open and rain drops trickle down his face like tears. He lets out a small exhale before Sunghoon clears his throat.
“Was that ok?” He asks, looking at Sunoo’s thunderstruck expression. “Are you alright?”
“Hyung, your coat.” Niki walks over.
“We need to get you dry.” Jungwon adds, guiding him towards the trailers. “Sorry, he can’t be cold for too long.”
“Of course.” Jake replies. “Well done, everyone. Let’s move this indoors!”
“You good, dude?” Jay elbows him.
“What do you care…” Sunghoon rolls his eyes, wishing he could bum a smoke from someone.
The rest of the shoot was relatively straightforward. They were doing very well, they had a chemistry that he’d recognized was pretty strong. He could tell based on the expression of the crew around them, the audible gasps and especially Jake’s animated shouts which were near constant.
He’d done a lot of similar projects, he knew his angles, he was more than ready for this kind of work. What he wasn’t prepared for was Sunoo’s wide-eyed sincerity. He seemed constantly awestruck and a little bit naive. He had an innocence about skinship that was translating well on camera but it was driving Sunghoon insane.
Sunoo was mouthing the lyrics to a song, right into Sunghoon’s face. Whispered longing, small hands tracing lines across his jaw. They were huddled together in a classroom filled with old desks, Sunoo’s eyes sparkle with purity and Sunghoon almost choked with the need to pull him into a hug. He had to excuse himself for a second, clearing his throat and blaming it on dust.
By the time the food arrived, the crew had cleared most of the gear. The day was surprisingly productive given the rough start. Jake was nestled in Heeseung’s arms, a tired but smiley baby, clearly satisfied with what they’d captured today.
Jay was busy cutting meat for Jungwon, who in turn was ignoring him, texting someone urgently. Niki and Jihoon were playing rock paper scissors for some reason when Sunoo shuffles over to Sunghoon. His cheeks were rosy from the beer he was cradling in both hands like a giant cup of tea.
“Thank you so much for today.” Sunoo almost whispers. “You worked hard.”
“You as well.” Sunghoon gives him a satisfied nod, arm jutting out instinctively for support as Sunoo settles next to him on the low table.
“You’re such a pro.” Sunoo says, eyes full of admiration. “I was completely convinced.”
“You have great instincts.” Sunghoon laughs off the compliment, finding it hard to maintain eye contact. “A natural.”
“No!” Sunoo shakes his head a bit too vigorously, eyes bright with praise and maybe a bit of alcohol. “I had no idea what I was doing! I was telling Wonnie, thank god you were there. It was very easy to follow your lead.”
He watched as Sunoo brings the glass up to his lips with both hands, taking another tiny gulp. Sunghoon was completely charmed, reaching over with a napkin to wipe at the foam that gathered on his top lip. Sunoo just beams that same megawatt smile, eyes disappearing into perfect crescents. Sunghoon swallows, it does nothing to relieve the tightness in his throat.
“Niki told me it was cuz of the project with Dean. The one at the pier with the legless piano.” Jake mumbles yanking the strings of his hoody tight around his face. Clearly the soju was getting to him. It’s hard to tell when he’s drunk or sleepy. Heeseung drops a kiss on his forehead fondly, whispering something in his ear before reaching for a glass of water.
“That one’s my favourite.” Niki corrects. “Jungwon-hyung was the one who put together the deck.”
“What’re we talking about?” Jay asks, practically spoon-feeding Jungwon bibimbap. Jungwon keeps swatting at him, begging him to act more professional.
“How Sunny found us.” Jake answers. “Don’t get me wrong, glad you reached out. We’re just a bit left field of your genre is all.”
"I didn’t think so?” Sunoo’s brows wrinkle. “I thought you were perfect. We absolutely had to work with you.” Jake smiles, blushing, clearly the compliment landed well.
“You’d done this series of interviews with Hyukoh-nim.” Jungwon replies, taking a sip of his own beer. “He sang that Teresa Teng cover.”
“That was a bitch to film.” Jake giggles. “The fog was a menace. And we couldn’t quite get the focus right. He kept singing into the wind.”
“Well, you wanted Wong Kar Wai lighting in that dreary cliffside…” Heeseung drops another kiss on the top of his head. Jake looks up and smiles with faint mischief.
“It looked like a memory. ” Sunoo adds, a solemn look settles on his face. “Like I was watching someone else narrate my life because they…saw it in a dream.”
Sunghoon peers down at him, desperate to place his hand on top of Sunoo’s, just to make sure he was real. Jake straightens his posture, gazes at Sunoo like he’d just uncovered another layer he hadn’t realized was there.
“There’s something about your work that doesn’t age, hyung” Jungwon looks to Jake, the expression on his face full of certainty, almost deference. “It looks the way Sunoo-hyung’s voice sounds. The decision practically made itself.”
“You had this one shot… I swear it looked like the courtyard from this one hospital.” Sunoo stumbles a bit as he places his glass on the table, narrowly missing it. Sunghoon reaches over to make sure it doesn’t spill and catches Jungwon staring at him. “It had these green benches, overlooking the water, it looked frozen in time. I told Jungwon, we have to find this guy.”
“Oh yeah! With that low retaining wall made of cut stones? That’s near here.” Jake exclaims, energy returns full force as he launches into another anecdote. “Hyukoh-hyung scratched his guitar trying to climb that thing, you know? What a mess.”
Sunghoon wipes at a stain on the table, looking up briefly to see that Jungwon’s eyes were still trained on him. An assessing gaze that lingered until Jay leaned over to whisper something in his ear.
He barely slept that night. He tossed and turned but the sound of the waves kept him awake, like it was trying to tell him something but his heart was too unsettled to listen properly.
The next couple of days were busy. They had cycled through a million wardrobe changes, usually him in something crisp, Sunoo in something soft. Sometimes they’d leave his shirts unbuttoned, and he’d pretend not to see the quiet panic in Sunoo’s eyes.
But then Niki would cinch Sunoo’s waist a smidge too tight or leave the long line of his neck bare and Sunghoon would have to clear the tightness in his throat. The air was so dry out in the countryside, he complained to himself.
They had brilliant chemistry. Instant, unspoken and easy. Sunoo slotted perfectly into his arms, his small face fit in his palm with ease. He looked effervescent in every shot, and Sunghoon felt it was his job to be the right frame so that the world could see what he was witnessing up close.
Jake was thrilled he could tell, he had once told Sunghoon he was the perfect subject. Quiet, cooperative and regal. He never really understood what that meant, he just kind of stood still and followed directions. But the fevered look in Jake’s eye, mirrored by Heeseung’s quiet smile, told a clear story.
“Perfect, Sunny-ya! You’re glowing!” Jake would shriek every few minutes, sending everyone around him into a fit of giggles. Sunoo would lean against Sunghoon, chuckling into his chest, or his lap, or the crook of his neck. It took all of his self control not to drop kisses on his cheek.
And the kisses. He doesn’t remember that many listed in the storyboards he studied with Jay, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. Every kiss - behind bleachers at an amphitheatre, underneath a golden gingko tree, in the lobby of an old timey inn - he treasured like it was their last. Especially since every shot could be.
He tried to stick to the script, but the shy look on Sunoo’s face, the pale pink blush that dusted his cheeks, the way he bit his lip after every take scrambled the few punch drunk brain cells he had left. He took a deep breath, the smell of salt in the air, the sound of sea gulls, the warm weight of Sunoo leaning against him filling his senses with an undeniable presence. He had to hold it together because he could feel his nerves fraying.
“Hyung we should warm up in the trailer.” Jungwon comes over with a giant fleece blanket, looking serious. Sunoo nods quietly and excuses himself.
“I’m alright.” Sunoo shakes his head smiling at the worried look on Sunghoon’s face, he seemed to have a hard time letting go of Sunoo’s hand. “Jungwon’s just very protective.”
“Here.” Jay shoves a bottle of water in his hand as he watches them shuffle over to the trailer. The sun had slowly moved west, they’d have a few hours of light left, but the overcast sky was perfect, softening the shadows around them.
“Would it have killed you to bring me something hot. Coffee or something?” Sunghoon rolls his eyes as he cracks it open. “This is colder than the wind.”
“Go make yourself one.” Jay shrugs, not even looking up from the text he was furiously typing.
“Here, hyung.” Jihoon sidles over with a cup of tea. He’s holding a pair of Uggs and a puffer on his other arm. Sunghoon slips into them and thanks him graciously, grateful for the extra barrier from the breeze. He rubs his hands together and spends the next bit of time focusing on keeping his toes warm and not burning the inside of his mouth.
“Sunghoon-ah, for this last set we need you guys to jump into the water.” Jake runs up to them, a serious look on his face. “It’ll be hard in this temperature but you’ll need to look ecstatic. This is the summer memory that’s kept the protagonist's hope alive. You need to convince us it’s worth holding on to.”
He nods, feeling the challenge lodge itself into his chest. He watches as Jungwon hugs Sunoo’s blanket-clad form fiercely, rubbing vigorously at his arms. They share a joke and Niki and Sunoo burst out laughing. Jungwon tuts at them as they approach.
“You alright?” Sunghoon asks hesitantly. Sunoo nods, that same bright smile plastered on his pale face.
“Ready?” Sunoo asks giggling, walking towards the edge of the shore just as everyone hurries into place. Sunghoon follows him, worry etched across his face. He’s about to ask how Sunoo wanted to play the scene when an arc of freezing cold sea water hits his chest.
He’s dumbstruck, brain recalibrating, bare feet plunging deeper into the cold sand, blinking his wet eyes clear to see Sunoo, knee deep in water, beaming up at him. He scoffs, bewildered, and his feet are moving before he can think. Rushing towards the laughing boy reaching for a fistful of water to splash back.
He barely registered the cold even though it stung every cell in his body. He was too busy trying to chase after Sunoo, who was running wildly across waist-deep water like a child set free. His twinkling laugh shimmered across the surf, lifting high in harmony with the ebbing of the tide.
“Sunghoon-ah just get rid of that button!” He hears Jake scream from the shore and he realizes his soaked shirt was scarcely clinging to his torso, he tears it off and chases after Sunoo again. He catches him finally, grabbing onto him fiercely.
“You’re actually enjoying this, aren’t you?” Sunghoon shivers at the sudden contact, voice sharp and staggered as his lips vibrate from the cold.
“My noona never let me play in the water.” Sunoo explains, settling into the embrace, arms finding purchase on his wide shoulders.
“Get back here, you little shit!” Sunoo mimicked in a high pitched impression. A bright laugh stutters out of his shivering lips. His eyes wander over Sunghoon’s pale skin, chest framed by wet fabric.
He watches as something faint flickers across Sunoo’s face and imagines it mirrors the same indecent thought he was battling in his mind.
“So beautiful.” He whispers without thinking, looking down at the chaste bit of skin Sunoo’s tousled shirt revealed. A tiny pool of water sat in the notch between his collarbone and neck, rising with every inhale and Sunghoon’s eyes darken with barely concealed desire.
Before he can even register what’s happening, Sunoo lunges forward and kisses him. It’s sharp, cold and dangerous.
He pulls back, looking up at Sunghoon with an unspoken question, a confession pulsing through his gaze. He doesn’t even think twice to reply, lifting him up by his waist into a deeper kiss. Sunoo pushes up against him, moaning against his lips, his hands find themselves lifting Sunoo up out of the water into a powerful embrace. He thinks he hears muffled applause from the crew in the distance.
“Cut!” Jake screams from somewhere after what feels like a brief eternity. They can't seem to break the kiss. “Jesus Christ! CUT!”
The spell is broken and he watches Sunoo’s face crinkle into a brilliant smile, eyes still closed, he bites his lip. Shy, like he’s trying to hold back words, chest still heaving against the embrace. Sunghoon walks them slowly to the shore, refusing to look elsewhere but Sunoo’s face until he can feel the water recede to his knees.
“Hurry.” He hears Jungwon command somewhere in front of them.
“Sunoo-ya.” He whispers as he slowly lowers him, a pair of crescent eyes flutter open and smile at him. He guides him onto his feet and they take a few steps towards the crew.
“Hi.” Sunoo clears his throat, eyes fluttering shut. He sways slightly and before Sunghoon can react, Sunoo falls to his knees.
“Shit!” Jungwon screams. “I knew this was going to happen!”
There’s a sudden flurry of activity. They’re pulled apart. Sunoo is rushed to the mess hall, Niki and Jungwon wrap him in a giant blanket. Jay and Jihoon throw one over him and he’s pulled in a different direction bewildered, heart hammering for a million conflicting reasons.
“Listen to me. They’ve got him.” Jay says firmly with authority. It’s the longest minute of his life. “First. We need to get you dry. Ok?”
“Hyung, please!” Jihoon tugs at his arm, but he can’t seem tear his eyes away from Sunoo’s team, the cold had stolen his voice, the fear his ability to move.
“Sunghoon-ah. Get inside now.” Jay speaks, holding his face to focus his attention, palms a shock of heat that jolts him. “I’m going to go check on them. I’ll take care of it, do as Jihoon says.”
He wasn’t sure if it was shock, but it seemed like he’d levitated straight out of his body and watched as Jihoon and their stylists fought to keep him in the trailer to stop him from shivering, calling helplessly for Sunoo. He could register Jay’s voice outside yelling for a van, the urgent shuffle of the crew clearing gear to make a path.
It would be hours of confusing silence, Jake pacing next to him, biting his nails clear off. Heeseung walks in, phone cradled against his shoulder, looks right at Sunghoon.
“He’s fine. The cold just shocked his system a bit. The doctor says his blood pressure dipped.” He says plainly, Jake and Jihoon crumple over, twin sighs of relief. “Sunghoon-ah. He’s fine, he’s just sleeping it off at the hospital.”
“Let’s go.” Sunghoon gets up, pulling the blanket off himself.
“Not tonight, let him rest.” Heeseung replies firmly. “You can see him tomorrow.”
“Hyung, you’ve had a long day.” Jihoon places a hand on his arm. “Let’s get you to bed.”
He didn’t sleep a wink. He stared up into the canopy of trees outside his hotel window, blank-faced, borrowing grief from tomorrow.
He should’ve stopped filming sooner. Maybe if he had paid proper attention he might’ve seen the signs. Is that why his eyes were closed? Did he shiver? What else did he miss?
He almost lost him again. The hollow pain punches through him and his hands run through his hair, pulling until it hurts just as bad.
I hear her voice in the morning hour, she calls me….
Jake sat next to him in the mess hall, uncharacteristically quiet, flipping through stills on his laptop looking equally devastated. He knows they share the same dread, that he should’ve known better, that he should’ve stayed vigilant. As a director he should’ve paid closer attention.
“He’s gorgeous.” Jake says solemnly to the screen. Sunghoon can see he’s reviewing the takes from yesterday. A kind of penance. He can’t bear to look so he keeps his eyes on the book in his hands, reading the same meaningless paragraph.
Sunghoon knows they’re both overthinking it, but logic rarely rhymes with heartache. So they sit there, Sunny’s album playing on repeat. He keeps looping the same John Denver cover, wishing the lilting melody could forgive him instead.
The radio reminds me of my home… far away…
The unmistakable sound of the van pulling across the gravel path wakes him from his trance. He peers past the window’s edge and watches as Jungwon rushes out the door before it even has a chance to park fully. Jay leaps out to follow him.
“Jungwon-ah. Wait a second.” Jay speaks solidly. “Yang Jungwon!”
Jungwon is yanked back, eyes a fierce red, tears threatening to spill as Jay draws him into a tight hug. Jungwon mutters something furious into his shoulders, trying violently to pull away from him, but Jay is steadfast, whispering carefully into his ear, holding him.
“I should’ve fucking …!”Jungwon’s muffled shout is shielded by Jay’s embrace. “God…!” Jay continues to intercept his rage with quiet understanding, a hushed mantra of comfort murmured until the full weight of it spills out whole.
Heeseung gets up then, pats him on the shoulder on his way out to meet them by the van, the same reassuring smile on his face. “I’ll go see what’s going on. You guys chill for a sec.”
It’s not long before the three of them walk over, greeting members of the crew on their way in. Jungwon’s tear-stained face is both stormy and impossibly pretty, a hand clasped tightly around Jay’s. At least they’ve stopped pretending around the group.
“He’s doing well.” Jungwon says as he approaches. “He’s fully recovered, just embarrassed. He apologizes for making everyone worry.”
“What for!” Jake steals the words from his own mouth.
“Let’s just finish packing up.” Jay replies calmly. "We can pass by the hospital on the way back to Seoul.” Sunghoon puts his book down, already shaking his head.
“I think he’d prefer to rest.” Jungwon looks right at him, a warning. He splutters, ready to disagree.
“Give him the afternoon, Sunghoon-ah.” Jay adds. “I’ll drive you there myself after, I swear.”
It was a long march to getting their stuff packed, he was almost entirely useless. Worrying himself into a temper. By the time the van pulled up to an eerily familiar parking lot, he’d barely registered the slowly setting sun.
“He’s napping.” Jake runs up to where they’d parked, looking at Sunghoon apologetically. “I just spoke to him. He’s really ok. He says he’s sorry he made you worry.”
Sunghoon curses as he unbuckles himself from his seat. He pushes out of the van and swears quietly into the wind, hands fisted in his pockets furiously. He could tell Sunoo was avoiding him and it made him want to scream.
He follows the path up to the entrance and realizes immediately where they are, he turns abruptly to see Jay and Jake looking back at him.
“Is this…?” He looks around and sees the familiar gate leading out to the seawall garden. “Are we?”
“It was the closest hospital.” Jay explains, following him out to the narrow path. “His name is on donation plaques all over the front hall. It’s impossible to ignore. It has to be him, Sunghoon-ah.”
He’s stopped listening, a faint buzzing clouds his ears. Past the alcove the familiar sound of the ocean pulls at him. Deceptively still, impatient, majestic. Water rushing up against the low wall stacked with sharp stones.
“I’m going to go with Jake and check on Jungwon. See if they need anything.” Jay pats him on the shoulder. “Come find me when you’re ready to head home.”
It had been years, but time seemed suspended here. The same pulsing feeling in his chest, in his palms, at the soles of his feet.
He paced around the patch of grass, hands pulling at the insides of his pocket as if there was some kind of magic token inside that would stop the world from spinning so fast.
Eventually the waves beckon, the rhythmic sigh of the tide lapping up against the human world. He stood with his knee braced against the edge of a bench. The paint worn and dull in places but still the same pine green from his memory.
He looks up just in time to watch the sky shift hues from dusk to dark so fast it had to be an illusion. And there it was, hanging faithfully in the evening sky, faint - like a stain of light barely peeking through. Looking back at him, waiting patiently, ready to emerge.
“Please.” He whispers desperately, praying the wind would carry his voice to whoever was listening.
He wasn’t even sure who he was speaking to anymore. The new moon. The open sea. The memory of that boy, echoing in the corners of his mind, lending him the courage to begin again.
The breeze coaxes the melody out of him, his chest vibrating as he hums that ancient tune. Soft at first, insistent, an invocation, a plea.
Misty taste of moonshine…teardrop in my eye…
“Just let him be ok.” Sunghoon urges, humming until the words find purchase on his lips. “Please…let him be ok.”
“Country roads… Take me home…to the place I belong.”
That was definitely a human voice. He turns swiftly, and like always, the breath is knocked right out of him. Sunoo stood there, arms tucked neatly behind his back, with that same solemn smile.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Sunoo bites his bottom lip, shy.
“Sunoo-ya!” Sunghoon rushes over, quickly unzipping his puffer. He wraps it around Sunoo without hesitation. “You must be freezing. Why are you out here? Are you ok?”
“I’m ok.” Sunoo smiles. “Promise.”
“You keep saying that!” Sunghoon admonishes weakly, zipping the coat up and placing Sunoo’s hands firmly in the pockets. He puffs the collar gently over Sunoo’s chin.
He’s rewarded with a quiet giggle, Sunoo looks up to meet his worried eyes. “I really am ok now. I mean it. They’re letting me leave tomorrow.”
Sunghoon doesn’t know what to do, he’s overcome with the urge to hug him tight, to spill tears, to scream, to never let him go.
“Ok. I believe you.” He whispered, relieved.
“Sorry I made you worry. I didn’t know how to face you…I didn’t know what to say.” Sunoo pulls his hands out of his pockets and rests them on Sunghoon’s shoulders instead, pulls himself up and gently places a soft kiss on his lips.
It’s warm, sweet, sincere. Sunghoon wraps him in his arms and holds him tight.
“It’s a new moon.” Sunoo speaks slowly, looking up, waiting for the words to find him.
“Someone once told me.” Sunghoon replies. “It’s the perfect time to begin again.” He adds carefully, trying not to stare, afraid he’ll miss something if he blinks.
He’s met with a brilliant smile, Sunoo’s eyes fill with tears and Sunghoon unravels with the need to hold him. He pulls him closer, unwilling to let go.
“It’s really you.” Sunoo whispers into his shoulder. Sunghoon has lost the ability to make any sense, he says Sunoo’s name like a mantra, as if repeating it like a hymn would give voice to the gratitude that spills out from his chest.
“Whoever is up there is kind to me.” Sunoo finally says, in his eyes a gravity that might’ve looked like sorrow to those who have never visited the power of human resilience.
Sunghoon reaches over, moving the soft fringe out of Sunoo’s forehead so he could place his lips there in quiet thanks.
“I never had the strongest body, it was enough to undo my parents’ savings. Back then we only had each other.”
Sunghoon’s eyes flicker with something steadying, protective.
“But this place was kind to kids like me. If I survived, I told myself, I knew exactly where my first cheque had to go.” Sunoo beams, the shine from inside him enough to warm Sunghoon’s palm. “I owe my life to generous strangers. I had to make sure to give back.”
“You’ve done well.” Sunghoon finds the words easily, peppering kisses on the top of his head, his cheeks, the tip of his nose.
“You too.” Sunoo whispers, burying his face against the soft front of Sunghoon’s sweater. “We watched you from afar. It was such a shock to see your face on tv after all those years. I guess I never really stopped thinking about you since that night.”
“You knew? That we’d met?” Sunghoon asks seriously, a half smile flickers before Sunoo shakes his head. “That it was me? From back then…?”
“I think a part of me always knew.” Sunoo whispers again into his chest. “I didn’t dare hold that kind of hope with any real certainty. I couldn’t bear to be wrong. But this week, every scene we shot, every time we… kissed.”
“You’re beautiful…” Sunghoon can’t help but say, pulling his tiny tear-stained face out from hiding. He thought it then, he saw it still, he means it more.
“I had such a crush on you then, you know?” Sunoo laughs into his palm, he looks up to see Sunghoon’s face shift into a dumbstruck expression.
“Wh-what? We barely even…” Sunghoon started.
“Well the nurses were always talking about this one handsome boy. How quiet and compliant he was. ‘He doesn’t even flinch even with a needle twice this size, Sunoo-ya!’ They would say.” Sunoo scrunches his nose in a bad attempt at an impression.
“I was the opposite, you see. I’d been in hospitals my whole life but I never got used to it, always fidgeting and crying.” Sunoo says, dropping his head against Sunghoon’s chest again. “I’d finally seen you with my own eyes, from across my room. Lost in your own world. So mysterious. But as soon as your mom called your name you’d follow along obediently.”
“I barely…I didn’t really notice anyone else.” Sunghoon whispers.
“We know, Park Sunghoon-ssi!” Sunoo rolls his eyes, voice lilting mischievously. “Jungwon even tried to talk to you a couple times. He said you were mean, but I kept defending you.”
“Jungwon?” Sunghoon pulls away confused, Sunoo just giggles.
“Yeah! Jungwon and I practically lived here, this is where we met.” Sunoo nods.
“His lungs. My heart. We always promised we’d be together forever. Anyways he tried to invite you to hang out with us. He said you just glared at him.”
“Wait, was he the kid in the taekwondo uniform?” Sunghoon’s hold tightens around him and Sunoo laughs freely.
“Oh my god, yes!” Sunoo exclaims. “I forgot about that!”
“This kid stormed into my room and said he heard I was an athlete.” Sunghoon laughs. “I thought he wanted to fight. I’d just been told I would never skate again. I felt like punching him in the face.”
“Oh no! Jungwonnie!” Sunoo shakes his head, giggling into the embrace. “Well, anyways. I’m glad we got to talk to each other for a little bit. Before you left.”
“Me too.” Sunghoon looks down to meet his gaze. So stunning. “I thought about you a lot. I think that night saved my life… I know it did.”
“Oh.” Sunoo’s eyes flicker with surprise, shy. Sunghoon’s lungs forget to work, hand finding itself on the small of Sunoo’s back, not ready to let go. “Seeing you again I just couldn’t believe it…it’s like a miracle…no one knows what to do with a miracle…”
Sunoo smiles, leans into the embrace, lifts himself up on the tips of his toes again. Sunghoon doesn’t fail to catch him, hand guiding his chin to a kiss.
It’s soft, gentle, cold against the moonlight. It was perfect.
Every moment - painful, wild, exhilarating - led him back here. To a perfect new beginning.
Footsteps crunch over gravel somewhere behind them, he doesn’t bother to turn.
He was home.
“Sunoo-hy…!” Jungwon tries to call out but Jay pulls his arm before he can finish, pushing him up against the alcove wall.
“He’s busy.” Jay whispers, one hand over his mouth, the other finds its way around Jungwon’s torso. “See?”
“Finally.” Jungwon looks over to see them kiss. “I was going crazy watching them circle each other like vultures. I told him he had nothing to worry about…stupid drama queen.”
“That’s no way to talk about your artist!” Jay scolds, turning Jungwon around so they’re face to face.
“Oh is this another one of your mentorship lessons?” Jungwon rolls his eyes. “You think you’re slick? You only ever give me managerial advice when you need a reason to…do that …thing.”
“Do what thing?” Jay’s eyes turn feral and Jungwon scoffs, the tips of his ears turn bright red. “This thing?”
“Sunghoon-hyu-!” The door next to them slides open just as Jay’s teeth brush against the edge of Jungwon’s ear. Jihoon gapes at them in shock.
Jungwon shoves at him instantly and Jay stumbles backwards with a groan. Jihoon apologizes but Jay fake laughs “It’s ok. We’ve got it handled, Jihoon-ah.”
“Heeseung-hyung’s here with the van, right?” Jungwon’s tone is suddenly firm and professional. “I’m gonna go see if we have … umm a spare… Jake-hyung.”
“I’m so sorry…” Jihoon whispers, looking devastated as Jungwon rushes towards the parking lot beet red.
“Don’t worry about it, he’s fine. Go about your duties, I’ll bring him in when he’s done” Jay pats the young kid on the shoulder.
He glances past Jihoon where Sunoo is tucked up against Sunghoon with the faint new moon hanging over the courtyard.
“Leave him be.”