Chapter Text
In the end, he didn’t have to work too hard to escape.
Some time that morning, Bilbo was awoken to Kíli rushing about and gathering his clothes. He had shut his eyes, hoping to feign sleep until he left, and it worked. But not before Kíli planted a hard, quick kiss to Bilbo’s forehead.
Bilbo waited only a few seconds before getting dressed himself and rushing through the house as quietly as he could so as to not disturb any of the random relatives that were scattered about the house, passed out and snoring so loud that, by the time Bilbo got out the front door, his ears were actually ringing.
The only problem occurred was when Dís caught up with him asked where he was going.
“Why are you rushing off?” She has asked. “You look like you’re fleeing from a one-night stand gone wrong!”
It didn’t help in making him feel better. Then again, he doubted he’d feel anything good about the entire situation… ever. Still, he scrounged up some nonsense about meeting the principal of the school he worked at later on that day, and having to get ready for it. She had let him go with a sad look, telling him that he should come by more often. They all missed having him around. Even the boys.
Especially Kíli .
He never felt so relieved to be out of that house in his life.
For the past few weeks, it was easy to avoid anyone of the Durin family. None of them ever came by to see him, nor did they call him all that often. Really, the only people close to that family he’d see the most were Bofur, his brother, and his cousin. The only reason for that was because Bofur and Bifur would stop by the bakery Bombur owned to “help out”, and said bakery was down the street from the school Bilbo taught at.
That, and Bombur did make the most fantastic scones.
So Bilbo felt sure that the decade would fly by without any complications. With being busy with teaching rowdy teenagers English literature, trying to keep the principal from breathing too far down his neck, all the while taking care of his recently-orphaned nephew, all his worries seemed to fade away from his mind.
He really should’ve known better.
It was a cloudy day (which should’ve tipped Bilbo off right then), when he arrived at the school, trying his best not to linger in the teacher’s lounge and heading to his classroom before his students tried to break in (they have done it before) and wreck it.
He was just fumbling with the keys when he heard the footsteps. Just putting the key into the lock when he felt someone breathe on his neck.
“You’d be surprised at how easy it is for someone to slip in here.”
Bilbo jumped as his heart both shot up and plummeted at the voice. That voice he was trying to avoid hearing for as long as he could.
“What the-?” Bilbo sputtered, feeling smaller than usual as he turned and saw Kíli standing behind him and well within his personal space. “How did you-?”
“I didn’t even have to get a pass or anything.” He continued as if Bilbo did not have a panic attack at the sight of him. “I think someone should bring that up before there’s an issue.”
Bilbo let out a breath and fought the urge to pinch his nose. “What are you doing here?” He demanded. “You can’t be here! I have a class to prepare for!”
“That starts in forty minutes.” Kíli replied as reached around Bilbo and unlocked the door. “And I’m here to talk.”
With that, he opened the door and stepped right in, as if it was his own classroom and not Bilbo’s. He bit back a resigned sigh as he stepped into the classroom as well and shutting the door, tucking the keys into his pocket. He didn’t have to worry about students barging in, since the door locked automatically once you closed it (something he learned the hard way many times before). And he flicked on one set of lights before turning to Kíli, who was sitting at one of the desks.
“What did you want to talk about?”
“Can we please not do that?” Kíli demanded, all smiles, even if they didn’t reach his eyes. “We both know why I’m here, and that’s because I have questions, and I deserve to know the answers!”
“Ask, then.” Bilbo replied shortly, because he really wasn’t awake enough for this.
Kíli leaned over the desk and sent Bilbo a hard look. “Why?” He asked, and Bilbo felt his stomach grow cold.
“Why?” He parroted, because this was much worse than he thought. He knew Kíli was drunk, but not that drunk! Kíli probably didn’t know what he was doing, and Bilbo took advantage of him. He practically raped-.
“Why did you leave?” Kíli clarified forcefully, and Bilbo was wrong. This was much worse. “I had left to get us coffee, but when I came back I found out that you left! And you fed my mother some bullshit excuse! I want to know why you left because it made me…”
Kíli paused to swallow, looking down at his hands. “It made me feel like some cheap fuck.”
Bilbo felt his breath escape him as he leaned against his desk. “Kíli,” He replied slowly, feeling even more tired than he did when he woke up that morning. “It was for the best. We were both drunk-.”
Bilbo jumped again when Kíli pounded his fists on the table. “I was sober!”
“You were not!” Bilbo snapped back. “I saw you drinking!”
“I only had half a beer!” Kíli snarled. “I only had enough to work… to work up the courage…”
Bilbo groaned as Kíli spoke, pacing in front of his desk, because this was a mess. He should’ve paid more attention when Kíli said those two traitorous words, even though he’d learned the hard way not to take stock in them before. Because Kíli apparently meant it, and he probably thought he actually loved Bilbo.
Bilbo, his old babysitter. “Uncle” Bilbo, who used to be Uncle Thorin’s boyfriend.
It was wrong. So very, very wrong.
“I’ve been trying to for some- will you stop that!?” Kíli snapped finally, causing Bilbo to look at his desperate face. “Why are you so anxious? You’re acting as if we did something horrible!”
“We did do something horrible!” Bilbo cried back, and he hated how hurt Kíli looked. “Kíli, I used to babysit you! I practically helped raise you! I knew you as a baby, even though I wasn’t old enough to be trusted to hold you when you were that young, but still!”
“I’m not a child anymore.” Kíli replied smoothly. “And what I feel has nothing to do with that! It only has to do with the fact that I trust you-!”
“Well, you clearly shouldn’t.” Bilbo hissed, more at himself than at Kíli. He began pacing again, and didn’t even stop when Kíli stood up from his seat.
“Alright, this is ridiculous.” He heard the younger man snarl, and was almost relieved. Because maybe Kíli was too angry now to continue this conversation and he would go. Because, while Bilbo desperately didn’t want to hurt him, it had to happen if this was the only way for this to end. For things to go back to normal. For sweet, innocent Kíli to not want Bilbo in any sexual way, and for Bilbo to not feel like some horrible person.
Such relief never came, for Kíli grabbed Bilbo by the shoulders and steered him around so he sat in his desk chair. Bilbo looked up as Kíli loomed over him with a look of determination that seemed to be a family trademark.
“Bilbo, I know you used to babysit both my brother and I.” Kíli began. “And I know you think what we did was wrong; I don’t know why, but I do. But the thing is, I’m not a child anymore! I’m twenty-two years old! I’ve been making my own decisions for the past five years, and I’ve had my own mind for even longer! Sure, when I was younger, my feelings for you were innocent and more family-based, but they aren’t now, and they haven’t been for a while! And when I heard what my uncle did-!”
Kíli cut himself off, and Bilbo saw the muscles in his jaw jump. Bilbo himself tried not to think about Thorin and how he treated him over the years. How he allowed Thorin to treat him…
Eventually, Kíli took a deep breath and seemed to focus again. “I figured there might be conflict, because I’m not stupid, despite what others might think.” He continued, staring down at Bilbo earnestly. “But I was so angry at my uncle. How he could just toss you away. You deserved so much better, and I wanted to give that to you…”
Bilbo’s heart shouldn’t have fluttered at those words, because it was Kíli who was saying them. Even as Kíli knelt in front of him and held his hands, he shouldn’t want to hear more.
“Because I love you, Bilbo.” Kíli whispered, eyes bright and desperate as he gazed up at him. “Because I don’t love you like family, but so much more! And you might doubt that, but it’s true! And I want to prove it to you, if you’ll let me.”
Something in Bilbo wavered as Kíli’s grip tightened, and for a moment he almost forgot that this was the same Kíli he’d take care of as a boy. The one he would tell tall tales to before he went to sleep, and comforted him after he had nightmares of his father who passed away, and Dís couldn’t when she was working late.
“Just one date.” Kíli pleaded after a moment, snapping Bilbo out of his thoughts. “Just let me take you out on one date, so I can prove it to you! Please!”
If Kíli were anyone else, if he weren’t Thorin’s nephew that he knew since he was so young and sweet and innocent, he would say yes. In a heartbeat. Because he actually believed that Kíli would be better. Would be so much better than Thorin ever was, and he wanted to experience that.
But this was Kíli, and he was that same boy he knew as a teen.
“I can’t.” Bilbo replied after a while, and he hated how his voice cracked around those words.
Kíli looked so sad upon hearing his words that Bilbo had to look away, and he was so thankful that the first bell rang. He just wished he didn’t feel so hollow when Kíli’s hands slipped from his. When Kíli got up and walked to the door.
“I hope you change your mind, Bilbo.” Kíli whispered before he left, and Bilbo slammed his eyes shut just as the door did.
Because he desperately wished he could, but knew he couldn’t.
Because it was wrong.