Chapter Text
(hi guys, i added vibe inspo of the fanfic at the end of this chapter, check it out before reading it!!)
Fyodor was sitting in the living room, watching TV. It was a cold saturday afternoon in St. Petersburg, so he was covered with a blanket. He was watching the news, which he usually hated to watch, considering all the propaganda on it. But currently he was bored, murmuring curse words at the TV.
He lived in a soviet panel bloc, the interior of the house was what an average small soviet home would look like. He didn’t hate living here, he actually enjoyed most parts, though his neighbors were a pain. Loud and obnoxious, and the worst part is that these panels didn’t have the best soundproofing.. so Fyodor could hear his neighbor Svetlana yelling at her 3 kids at 11 pm. Terrible.
But he didn’t live alone. Nikolai Gogol was his roomate- not just roommate, also his boyfriend, who has been living with him ever since they moved in here. Which was a pain, because they had to convince the person who sold the apartment that “they were just friends moving here”, which did seem to work, some did not believe it. Like the old women living in the panel, had their suspicions. They never spoke up about it though, such accusations at the time were very serious.
Speak of the devil, Nikolai walks out to the living room, still in his pyjamas, because he only woke up now. He yawns, muttering a quick “good morning Fedya” before sitting down next to Fyodor on the couch.
“It’s not morning, it’s almost 3PM. You need to get your sleep schedule fixed.” Though his slight annoyance died out as soon as Nikolai pressed a small kiss on his cheek and sat closer to him, covering himself with the blanket too. He lets out a scoff when he notices the news going on their black and white color, bulky TV. He watched as the news talked about Nikita Khrushchev, and the stuff he did. It was boring, Nikolai had to admit, but when he turned his head towards Fyodor he noticed how much he was paying attention while muttering curse words towards the TV quietly, not quiet enough because the other could hear it too.
But what interrupted their silence was the growling of Nikolai’s stomach. It’s obvious he was hungry, he hasn’t eaten since yesterday, and it’s already afternoon. Fyodor lifts his head and sighs. “Pelmeni in the fridge. Go heat it up”
The other man grins, immediately getting up at his words. He goes right to the kitchen (which is connected to the living room, so Fyodor could see what his lover was doing.), and takes out the box which has the pelmeni in it. He puts the pelmeni in a pan, and heats it up on the stove.
A few minutes later, he places the plate of pelmeni on the cigarette table, and sits down next to Fyodor, covering himself with the blanket his lover is already using. Reaching for the plate, he mumbles about something before taking a bite. “Fedya, we barely have any cheese and milk left. And some other things. We need to go shopping. And we don’t have a christmas tree yet. Or anything christmas related. It’s December 4th!! And we also don’t have-”
But he can’t finish this sentence, because Fyodor cuts him off with a sigh, the tone of his voice calm despite the headache threatening to appear from the other man’s yapping. “Okay fine fine, i heard you the first time. Shopping and stuff. And we don’t need a tree yet, December barely started. We have lots of time until christmas.”
Nikolai rolls his eyes, and pouts. He thinks, before responding “well christmas is still close!! I mean, this is our first christmas together in this house!!” He then speaks up again, now a bit uncertain, slightly quieter. “Wait are we gonna celebrate on December 25th or January 7th?”
Another minute of the white haired man’s yapping can be heard, until Fyodor interrupts him again, seemingly annoyed at how his boyfriend is so energetic right after he wakes up.
“Nikolai please keep your mouth shut for 3 seconds, please. Anyways, we will be celebrating christmas how your parents and mine did back in the village. Sometimes 25th, sometimes 7th. Who cares, this is just a stupid holiday, and we have to go to work on both days anyways, that’s the law.” A deep sigh can be heard from Fyodor again, but this one wasn’t from annoyance. It was from affection, due to the white haired man resting his head on his shoulder while keeping close to him.
Yes, Nikolai was known to be very affectionate, Fyodor always tensed when he cuddled up to him, not because he hated it, but because he wasn’t used to it. Nevertheless, he enjoyed it.
He notices the few pieces of pelmeni left on the plate, which sits on the cigarette table. “eat your food, sweetie, it’ll get cold. And i don’t wanna hear you complaining about it.”
With a sigh, Nikolai let go of Fyodor and grabbed his plate, munching on his food, eating it quickly so he can get back to cuddling with him as soon as possible.
Just like the raven-haired predicted, his boyfriend immediately clung to him tightly when he ate his food. Fyodor tried to pay attention to the TV, but damn, he couldn’t when someone was clinging to him while rambling about something again. He decided to just ignore the TV, let it go in the background, and hugged Nikolai back, which made the other man squeal. It was already dark outside by now, on winter the dark comes so much earlier.
With force, Nikolai pushes Fyodor on his back, so he’s on top of him (not in a freaky way btw), now in a position where his head is tucked under the other man’s chin, who’s head is resting on the armrest of the couch. Hugging him, he lets out a content hum, as Fyodor also wraps his arms around the white haired man, reading a book with the tv is still going. It’s a domestic sight, which the black haired man did not expect.
Now this was another level of confusion Fyodor just experience. He didn’t really understand love, despite the fact that he’s been dating Nikolai since they were 15, the poor man was still a little confused. So when Nikolai’s random burst of affection hit, all he could do was tolerate it. Not like he wasn’t enjoying it, he loved his boyfriend’s presence, even when he didn’t show it.
They stayed like that, none of them really moving, besides slight squirming. Fyodor was reading a book, and Nikolai was.. well Nikolai. He could keep the silence for exactly 6 minutes and 54 seconds, which is considered a record in Fyodor’s eyes, the last time was 5 minutes. Whatever, he listens to the energetic man yap about something really random, his voice blending in the background noise.
“Hey, Fedya, can you pass me the cigarette on the coffee table?” Nikolai murmured, keeping his head tucked under his lover’s chin. Fyodor scoffs but reaches for the pack, but before giving it to him, he pulls out one himself, reaching for the lighter. (Yes they smoke in the house idc). But he can’t help but make a sarcastic remark “you know, smoking will kill you~” he smirks, and despite his comment, he lights up his cigarette and blows, but making sure not to blow it in his beloved’s face.
“Says the one who smokes a pack a day” retorts Nikolai, looking out the window. It was snowing, and even in the apartment, it was quite cold- the soviet heating system wasn’t known to be the best.. he snuggles closer to Fyodor, crushing the butt of his cigarette, reaching for a blanket, while mumbling a “it’s so cold here” and covering them both in the blanket. It covers Nikolai almost fully, the fabric reaching until his jaw.
The TV flickers softly with some boring movie, but Nikolai watches it, anyways. He feels a hand slide in his hair, a small smile appears on his face, letting his lover run his finger through his hair. They stay like that for a long time, cozy and warm.
And when Fyodor lifts his other hand to bite his fingers, without even looking at him, Nikolai grabs his wrists softly to stop him from biting them, like an instinct. A sigh leaves the raven haired man, not the bad kind, the one filled with undying affection. He feels his hand be grabbed and held close to his beloved’s cheek, and snuggled into. “Your mom called yesterday while you were at work. She was asking how we were, and if im feeding you enough” Nikolai chuckles, running a finger along Fyodor’s knuckles.
Fyodor’s mom was a sweetheart, she knew about his relationship with Nikolai, and didn’t judge them for it, she loves both of them. Well, Fyodor’s dad on the other hand is a jerk, he hates Nikolai and thinks he’s “brainwashing his son”, he even threatened to send him to conversion therapy or worse things. Due to his father’s anger and homophobia, he still can’t fully accept himself. He really wants to, but he just can’t.
Fyodor smiles when he hears what his mom asked over the phone, obviously happy that his mom loves Nikolai and even talks to him sometimes, unlike his dad. “Of course she’d call us. What did you say?”
“i said im feeding you well, and that we’re completely fine at the moment. She said your dad got a cold, and that the cat is scratching at the sofa again, and how the dress shop she always goes to has a sale and she’s going there today. As usual she talked a lot. Didn’t mind it tho.”
Yeah. Fyodor’s mom is prone to talk a lot. That’s mostly what people knew her for, her outgoing personality and her habit of oversharing. When she was first introduced to Nikolai (when Fyodor and Nikolai were around 15-16), she immediately fed him, and asked about his entire life, while stuffing cookies in his mouth. To 16 year old Fyodor the sight was adorable probably, he can’t really remember.
“Yeah, that sounds just like my мама. Atleast she’s okay.” The raven haired sighs, noticing how it’s already 8 pm now, very dark outside the window. He wants to go wash the dishes that piled up in the sink, or go shower, but he’s too lazy to. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to, because cuddling with Nikolai is much more tempting than any other chore. But he won’t admit that.
“I know you wanna go get up and do chores and stuff but im comfortable like this and i’m not letting you stand up” Nikolai murmurs, burying himself more in Fyodor’s embrace. The moment is calm and cozy, something the introverted man experienced more and more since he’s been living with Nikolai.
But obviously, someone had to interrupt their peaceful moment.. it was Svetlana, their noisy neighbor. She had 3 kids and an abusive husband, who had a habit of coming home at 3 am and yell at Svetlana, sometimes even beat her. So usually, Fyodor and Nikolai woke up to this, considering that the soundproofing in their panel building is trash, they heard everything. Which was very annoying.
Another annoying thing they experienced with the family, was when the Fyodor or Nikolai (or both) were walking in the building, Svetlana would explain to them that “she has suspicions that the two man are romantically involved, and she will call the police” which always results in them having to explain (and lie obviously) that they’re just friends living together to save money. And she- with obvious anger- accepts it and goes on her day after.
So now, all they heard was the family fighting, which contained Svetlana’s torturing voice, along with plates breaking, and her husband also yelling one or two, but mostly the noise was from her. And it was infuriating.
“oh look, someone’s in a mood again..” Fyodor mumbles, holding Nikolai closer, burying his face in his hair in annoyance. Svetlana continues the yelling, throwing things and making other irritatingly loud sounds. Even their cat Masya didn’t like this, she was usually asleep, eating, or cuddling. She jumped on Nikolai, curling up on his back, meowing frantically.
Masya was seemingly annoyed too, for a cat so nonchalant as her, this was considered lots of emotions.
For Fyodor, the yelling was hell. Especially when Svetlana’s husband yelled. It reminded him of his father, and when he found out he was in love with Nikolai. How much he was crying while his mother was holding him. How his father yelled “it’s a sin” over and over again. From that he still has the habit, where if Nikolai were to hug him from behind, or be extra affectionate, he’d grip his cross necklace. Not because he hated Nikolai, he just couldn’t control this.
This was what his dad taught him. “If he sees sin, he should always grip his cross” he always quoted. Which made Fyodor extra anxious about everything. He eventually stopped doing it mostly, still he sometimed grips it. Like he did now. He heard the husband yell, over and over again, breaking things- like his own father did.
He grips his cross necklace, which Nikolai obviously notices. With his fingers, he ungrips Fyodor’s grip on the cross and instead holds that hand. He obviously knows what’s happening, and why his lover is reacting like this, but he won’t ever ask him about it, knowing it’s a sensitive topic.
When the blonde man holds his hand, Fyodor calms down. He isn’t in his old house anymore, with his dad and siblings, he’s with the love of his life- even if they can’t really see each other like that legally. They still live together, and they’re happy. And that’s all that matters.
Later, they’re in bed. It’s 11 pm, Nikolai’s fast asleep, breathing softly. And while that, Fyodor still can’t seem to forget his recent thoughts about his dad. Maybe he IS traumatized. The 130 times he had to read Levictus 18:22 until he memorized it, and all the bible study camps he had to go to, but i guess it was all worth it, in the end he DID end up living with Nikolai like he always wished to when he was 14..
He glances at the cross they have above the bed, that Fyodor refused to take off after the last owners of the apartment left it here- it was a terrible sight. A terrible reminder that if he does decide to go back home to a family dinner, this is what he’d have to deal with. His obnoxious orthodox christian family. Well, all except his mother and grandmother. They were nice enough not to hurt him for who he loves.
With all these unwanted memories coming back, he feels like he is 14 again. Being asked “when are you getting a girlfriend?” Everytime he saw one of his family members, while trying to accept who you are without having a panick attack. Yeah, he didn’t miss that. But Fyodor knows his 14 year old self would be proud of him, he does have the life he always wanted..
And with that, without any thinking, he wraps an arm around Nikolai and drifts to sleep.
His hold on Nikolai loosened as he calmed down in his sleep, his face buried in his soft hair.
In the morning, Nikolai wakes up first. He notices how his boyfriend is clinging to him, already knowing what’s wrong. He knew Fyodor more than anyone, so if he was acting like this, he knew it was because of his dad. Nikolai never dared to bring it up in a conversation, but instead silently gave him support for it.
He presses a small kiss to his beloved’s forehead and gets up from bed, going to make coffee and breakfast. Maybe when Fyodor wakes up, for him too. He pets the cat on his way to the kitchen, Masya is excited to see her dad of course.
The sound of coffee maker can be heard, along with the smell of coffee lingering around the house. Fyodor wakes up, and immediately searches for Nikolai in the bed, but hears the sound of thr coffee maker and the toaster so he knows he’s there. He also gets up from bed, picking up the cat on his way to the kitchen. Little Masya meows, obviously really happy to see- now both of her dads. Fyodor walks in to the kitchen, kissing Nikolai, murmuring a soft “hey, love” and leans against the kitchen counter
”Hey Fedya, i’m making you toast, with butter and jam, is that okay?” The blonde man says gently, buttering the toast, then spreading jam on it
“Yeah that’s perfect actually. Thank you Kolya.” Masya also meows, like if she was also saying thank you, which earns a chuckle from both of them.
here’s the inspo xd
