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*Disclaimer: This fanfiction is for entertainment, non-profit purposes only. I do not claim ownership of any canon characters or the world that this is set in.
He watched as she stared at her massive hand, curling it slowly into a fist, before opening it wide again. The large, wine-colored eyes swiveled to him, considering him narrowly. Levi's hands instinctively fell to the hilts of his pairing blades. He was used to shifters by now, and this one was his only true friend left in the world. Still, his instincts couldn't be completely curbed, and she was new to this whole experience and trying to adjust to it.
"Easy, four-eyes," cautioned Levi when the fifteen meter, female titan took a step toward him and squatted. She looked like Hange, sans glasses. Like Eren, she had full skin coverage, and it was the same tone as her natural human skin; olive in complexion. Her titan form had the same hawkish nose, the same shaggy brown-red hair, the same bright, inquisitive gaze. He'd almost think he was just staring at a giant, naked version of the scientist, sans glasses, nipples and genitals.
Hange's hot breath blew over him in a sigh, stirring the captain's raven hair. He tilted his head as she brought a finger under her nose and rubbed it. "Oi, if you sneeze on me I'm cutting your fucking nose off, got it?"
The shifter snorted, but she straightened back up. She smiled at him in a very Hange-like way, and then her nape emitted a burst of steam. Levi hopped up on her shoulder as she slouched down, bowing her mussed head. He waved away some of the obscuring steam, already breaking into a sweat from the heat of it. He could see her hunched form breaking out of the nape, and he reached under her arms to help pull her free. They both tumbled to the grassy earth, and Levi got the wind knocked from him when her heavy form crashed atop him.
"Oof...watch your elbows," he complained when the left one dug into his solar plexus.
Hange groaned, and she rolled away from him onto her back, panting softly as she stared in a dazed manner at the canopy above them. Her face was predictably streaked with red from where the tissue of her titan form had fused with it during her transformation.
"Well," breathed Hange, "it gets a bit easier each time. I think I'm getting the hang of this, Levi."
He turned onto his side and propped himself up on one elbow, staring down at her. "Yeah? Figures. If anyone could figure it out fast, it's you. Arlert is still confused as fuck when he first shifts."
Her eyes flicked to him, and she squinted a little. One thing her new shifter abilities hadn't gifted her with was perfect vision; she was still very near-sighted and required her glasses to see things clearly from a distance. How she'd managed to perform so well even after the loss of her eye during that final battle was a mystery to him. The damage she'd sustained from getting caught up in Bertolt's explosion had been healed, at least.
"I'm sorry," whispered Hange at last. She reached up to cup Levi's face in her still-steaming, hot hands, drawing him down a bit so she could see him better. That done, she stroked his hair out of his eyes with her right hand. "You need a haircut, shorty."
Levi held perfectly still. Inwardly, he found her gentle touch comforting. There was something about it that he'd never realized before, and he wondered if he was going crazy after all. He'd never truly appreciated Hange before...not really. Perhaps it was because she was the last of everyone he'd grown close to, and he was now seeing her with new eyes. It confused him.
"What are you apologizing for?" he asked gruffly, "and I know I need a haircut. I've been meaning to take care of that. Been too busy with the cleanup of the aftermath to take the time."
"It should have been Erwin—" Hange clarified softly, "—not me."
Levi stared at her for a few heartbeats, stunned a bit by her words. The reminder of his commander's death pained him, even if it didn't show in his expression. "It was too late for him. All the regret in the world can't change that. You've got no reason to apologize." He sighed and glanced askew, his vision losing focus in his thoughts. "Just be glad the butt-monkey had a vial with him. I dunno who he intended to use it on, but at least we got our hands on it. You'd still be a cyclops, otherwise."
Hange's hands dropped, and she absently tore some grass from the ground beneath her. "If only we could have caught him sooner and found it in time."
"Yeah, well...we didn't. That's that." Levi met her gaze again. "So how did Zeke taste, anyway?"
Hange shrugged, frowning a little. "I don't know, like chicken? I can't really remember. Armin and I don't have the benefit of the coordinate to help us recall devouring our prey. I wish I could, though. It would probably be a satisfying memory."
Levi gave her a dour little smirk. "You looked like you enjoyed it, at least."
"Did I?" She chuckled, and if the sound lacked its usual muster, only Levi knew her well enough to tell. "Did you enjoy watching it as much as I apparently enjoyed doing it?"
"Like porn," admitted Levi, "only better. I almost suggested you chew a little slower."
"Savor the flavor, eh?" Her grin became a little more sincere. "Only you would think to suggest it. So, porn, huh? I wouldn't pick you as the kind of guy to get into that sort of reading material, Levi. We learn something new every day."
He shrugged. "It's not my thing. Erwin used to read some, though."
Hange's eyes widened. "You're shitting me."
"Nope. I found one of his smut books while I was cleaning his quarters one day. I never told him."
Levi sighed, and he combed his bangs out of his eyes again. "He's the only guy in the world whose dignity I'd give enough of a shit about to spare. Anyone else would have been smut-shamed to death by me."
Hange's expression softened. "You loved him, didn't you?"
Levi lowered his gaze, frowning a little. "He brought me out of Hell. Taught me I'm more than just some thug. Made me a better man. It took me a while, but I eventually appreciated it and respected the shit out of him for that, and his conviction to humanity's cause. If that's love, I guess I'm guilty."
Hange rubbed Levi's left shoulder consolingly. "I loved him too. Erwin was a great man, and we should always honor his memory; both as his soldiers and his friends."
"Yeah," agreed Levi. "Even if he was a secret pervert."
That made Hange laugh outright, and she gently chucked Levi on the chin. "Now, now. A little porn never hurt anyone. At least he wasn't a lecher and he kept it to himself!"
"True." Levi rolled to his feet with a grunt, and he bent over her, extending a hand. "All right, enough laying around. It's lunchtime. You've got to feed your face if you're going to keep practicing your shifting powers this much."
Hange accepted his help, and she staggered a little as she got to her feet. Her face was beaded with sweat like Levi's, proving she wasn't immune to her own body heat after a shift. "My glasses?"
He reached into his jacket pocket and he pulled out the case she'd entrusted to him. "Here you go. We can't have you walking into a tree on the way back, can we?"
Hange took the case gratefully, opening it up to procure the spectacles resting within. "No, we can't." She put the glasses on, blinked and looked at him with a smile. "Thanks for holding them for me, short-stuff."
He shrugged, and he fell into step beside her. They'd returned to the keep they'd made their designated headquarters after getting custody of Eren. Most of the scouts had returned home to their families, but some like the survivors of the 104th remained behind. Given that Eren, Armin and Mikasa had no family left save one another, that wasn't really a great surprise. The keep was now their home, and their comrades were their family. There was still some understandable tension between Eren and Levi. After all, a part of the captain still resented the kid and his girlfriend. If they hadn't had that dispute over the serum he'd been entrusted with, both Armin and Erwin might have been saved. That wasn't really anyone's fault, though. None of them could have predicted they'd have found another serum in the mule titan's cargo cases when they finally brought it down.
~I kept my promise,~ Levi thought to himself. ~I couldn't save Erwin, but I caught that bastard Zeke, just like I swore to him that I would.~
Actually, he'd sworn he'd kill the beast titan, and in a way he did by basically feeding him to Hange after she received the extra titan serum and transformed. Still, the kill belonged to her, more than anyone. Levi thought Erwin would appreciate that. It was a fitting end to a psychotic, dangerous bastard that had caused more harm and misery to thousands than anyone could even guess. That both Zeke and his lackey Bertolt ended up being lunch for two of their intended victims was poetic justice, indeed.
A couple of weeks later, Hange was in her lab doing something that would have shocked most people right out of their shoes. She gritted her teeth, tightened the tourniquet around her right forearm and braced herself for the pain. She'd numbed the area as much as she could, but this was still going to sting. She picked up the sterilized bone saw, clenched her jaw and started cutting. Choking back her agony, she kept going, and she finished right as a demanding knock sounded at her laboratory door.
"Hey shitty-glasses," Levi's voice called, "are you in there? The brats say you haven't come out all day."
Hastily reaching for the bandages, Hange put pressure on her self-inflicted injury and began to clumsily wrap it. "One moment, my dear. I've got my hands full."
She snorted. That was a bit of an understatement. Hange sighed, and she debated over whether it was a good idea to let Levi in right now or not. He wasn't going to like it when he figured out what she'd done. She could imagine his outrage and disgust.
"So let me in, already," demanded the captain impatiently. "You're not dissecting cats in there or something, are you?"
"Of course not," Hange called.
Under her breath, she added: "I'm just dissecting myself."
She sighed, and she bit her lower lip as she tried to decide what to do. The knob on the door jiggled as Levi tried to open it from the other side.
"Now, Hange," ordered Levi crossly.
"All right, all right!" Though she was now the high commander in Erwin's place, she still deferred to Levi in most things. The runt just had a way about him that made her cave all too easily. "Just promise me that you won't freak out, okay?"
"Shit," she heard him mutter. "What have you done this time, Hange?"
She glanced down at the wrapping she'd just applied to her self-inflicted injury. "Something you probably won't be able to understand. Just give me your word that you won't explode on me."
"Depends on what you did," he informed.
Hange checked another sigh. She was going to have to face the music, like it or not. She walked to the door, bracing herself mentally. She lifted the beam barring the door shut from the inside, and she used her good hand to open the door. Levi stood there on the other side with his arms folded over his chest and his usual, bored mask on his face. He looked her up and down, and when his sleepy gaze caught sight of the crimson-soaked bandaging, they widened slightly. He frowned, and his thin brows pinched.
"What the hell..." For a moment, Levi looked openly confused. Then he saw the twitching, dismembered hand lying on Hange's research table next to the bone saw, and he went pale. "F-four eyes, what have you done?"
Hange glanced over her shoulder, and she ushered Levi into the lab and shut the door behind him, barring it again. "It's for research, Levi. I'm trying to understand how this altered body of mine works. Isn't it better to experiment on myself than on Eren or Armin? At least this way, there's absolutely no question of consent!"
Levi's shocked, pale eyes met hers again, and his mouth worked as if struggling for words. Finally, he sputtered a reply. "Consent for what? To fucking mutilate yourself?"
"I'm not trying to—"
"You could bleed out!" Levi grabbed hold of her lab coat with both hands and dragged her closer, his face inches from Hange's. "What the hell good does this do for your research?"
"I need a sample to examine," Hange tried to explain. Levi was so mad. His face was flushed, his eyes were too bright and she wondered if he was about to start beating the shit out of her. "Let go of me, tiny captain. I need to get started before my hand disintegrates! This is the first opportunity I've had to do this, because even I'm not obsessive enough to ask one of those kids to let me chop off body parts. I won't bleed out, and you should know that! It will regenerate. See? It's already steaming."
She held up the wrapped stump when she felt it starting to burn tellingly. This wasn't the first time she'd cut something off to look at it since becoming a shifter, but she'd started with baby steps. First it was a toenail clipping, then it was a skin sample, and then a finger. This was the first time she'd taken it this far.
Levi released her, and he combed his fingers through his recently trimmed hair. He looked like a man getting ready to have a breakdown, but Levi wasn't the sort of person to fall apart easily. He was obviously struggling with his emotions and didn't know how to handle his own reactions to what she'd done to herself.
"Do what you've gotta do," he growled at last. "I'll stay here. You need that injury bound properly, and you obviously can't do it yourself in this condition. Why the fuck did you cut off your dominant hand, anyway?"
"Er...it was a spur of the moment decision," she excused, flushing with embarrassment. That was a damned good point; by choosing the right hand, she'd done a worse job cutting and wrapping it. Lack of sleep had crippled her judgment, it seemed. She said no more about it, and she hurried over to the examination table to begin prodding and cutting at her now steaming, severed hand.
"I'm such an idiot," muttered Hange, having difficulty handling the scalpel. She should have chosen a foot. She needed both her hands to do this right.
"No arguments from me on that," stated Levi, standing behind her and to the right. "Disgusting. I can't believe even you would do something this crazy. Hey, are you drunk? You're gonna bleed more if you've been in your cups."
"I'm completely sober," Hange assured him. "Just tired. I've been up for over twenty-four hours."
"Shit, and people tell me I don't sleep enough," grumbled Levi. "Hurry it up, would you? I want to get your screw up seen to before you start getting dizzy from loss of blood and cut something else off by accident."
Hange smirked. Gruff and direct as he was, Levi cared. Sometimes it was easy to forget that, because he had hiding his feelings down to an art. Moments like this one reminded her that beneath that cold exterior was a loyal, caring heart. She cursed as the flesh dissolved from the bone on her sample, leaving precious little to work with. She was no closer to understanding her own body now than she was when she first regained her cognitive senses and realized what she'd become.
"It goes too fast," she complained, dropping the scalpel with a shake of her head. "I feel like I'm just going in circles."
"Sit your ass down and let me take care of you," demanded Levi without sympathy for her frustration, "and don't let me catch you pulling a stunt like this again, understand?"
Hange obeyed, disappointed that her sacrifice in pain hadn't yielded anything useful to her research. She watched dully as Levi squatted down before her and carefully unwrapped the bandaging. He muttered something she couldn't catch when he saw the damage, and he reached for the bandage roll and the bowl of water he'd taken from the table. He wrung out the cloth in the bowl, and he started to clean the bleeding, steaming stump off. When Hange winced, he glanced up at her with a little frown, but he didn't stop until he had it cleaned off to his satisfaction. He picked up the jar of healing salve that Hange herself had forgotten to even apply, and he smeared it on the injury with a grimace of distaste.
"There," Levi said, beginning to dress the wound with fresh bandages. "I don't know if shifters can even get infections, but at least this cuts down on the risk. You crazed, stupid..."
He trailed off, concentrating on the task at hand. While the captain was certainly no medic, he'd tended enough battle wounds to be quite adept at cleaning and dressing them. He wrapped it tight, but not so tight that it would cut off circulation. He did a neater job of it than Hange would have, even in a better state of mind than she currently was.
"How's that feel?" asked Levi, looking up at her from his squatted position.
Hange managed a smile for him. It had only lasted for a second or two, but she'd seen the subtle concern in his eyes. Levi really was cute. She'd always thought so, but now it was somehow even more apparent to her. "Much better, thank you."
"Good." He rinsed his hands off in the pink-tinged water, wiped them off with the towel he'd taken from the table, and he stood up. "Now go to your quarters. No more experiments, today."
"But—"
"Am I gonna have to knock you out and carry you myself?" interrupted Levi, eyes flashing dangerously. "Go to your quarters and get some rack, Hange. You're no good to anyone like this—least of all yourself. You've got shadows under your eyes darker than mine, and your eyes are so bloodshot they look like a pair of grapes."
Hange deflated. She couldn't argue with his logic. He was right. She got up, and she walked obediently to the door. She paused and looked back at him. "You know, I am your superior now, Levi."
He tilted his head a bit, his expression unchanging. "So?"
Hange lost her train of thought. She completely forgot what the point she was trying to make was. "Okay, I'm going."
The next evening at sunset, Levi was standing over Erwin Smith's grave...just like he always did at this time of day. Perhaps the captain thought nobody knew where he went every evening at five o'clock, one hour before supper. He was a private man, after all, and he owed no explanation to his subordinates for his comings and goings. Eren Jaeger, however, had figured it out. He'd followed Levi out of curiosity once, secretly concerned for his captain. The fact that Levi hadn't detected him trailing him was all the confirmation Eren needed that the man was troubled.
He felt guilty. Yes, he had his best friend, and he was thankful. Yes, things had worked out in his and his friends' favor, when it came down to Armin's life or Erwin's. It was hard for Eren to be happy and content with that, however. Knowing that their commander lost his life so that Armin could live weighed heavily on the young man, and everyone knew how much Levi had respected and trusted Erwin Smith. Eren had seen the naked emotion in the captain's eyes in that moment just before he would have injected Armin with the titan serum, only to learn that Erwin too was still alive, though just barely.
Eren hadn't cared at the moment; his thoughts were only on saving his best friend. He hadn't thought of Levi's feelings, hadn't considered that the older man was trying to do the exact same thing. Levi had struck him more than once before that day, but never in anger, the way he had when Eren confronted him about trying to change his mind about giving Armin the formula. All previous moments of ass-kicking had been for Eren's own good, at the core. Not that moment, though.
In the saving of Eren's best friend, Levi Ackerman had lost his own.
Eren's footsteps halted, and he stared silently at his captain's back, trying to muster his nerve. He had to do this. He had to get it off his chest. He still admired Levi, still looked up to him as both his mentor and his protector. He almost saw him as a father figure, harsh though the captain could be. He couldn't stand the distance that had grown between them any longer.
"What are you doing here?" Levi said softly, not turning around. He remained where he was, staring down at the engraved headstone marking Erwin's resting place.
Eren swallowed. He shoved aside his misgivings, and he approached his captain. He stopped beside him, and he looked down at the headstone.
"Here lies Erwin Smith: Commander of Survey Corps, hero of humanity and brave, dear friend."
Hange had engraved that epitaph herself, weeping all the while as she chiseled away at it.
"Well?" prompted Levi, still not looking at him.
"I wanted to pay my respects, sir," explained Eren, "and there's something I want to say to both of you." He nodded meaningfully at Erwin's grave to clarify what he meant by "both"
"I...I followed you the other day, and I know you come here every day at the same time. This is where you go off to before dinner."
"I know you followed me."
Eren looked at him, blinking. "You do?"
Levi finally glanced at him, smirking humorlessly. "Do me the credit of not assuming I don't know when I'm being followed, you shitty brat. You aren't the most stealthy bastard, and I grew up in the Underground."
"Oh." Eren blushed. He should have known that just because Levi hadn't reacted that time he followed him and discovered where he kept going, it didn't mean the captain wasn't aware of him. "I'm sorry to be disrespectful, Captain. I know it's not my business where you go or what you do, but I was...worried."
"What did you think I was doing?" Levi turned to face him, and the crisp breeze stirred his dark hair and his cloak. "Scoring some drugs or something? Meeting up with a girl? Tell me what weird fantasy you had in your head, Jaeger."
"I don't know," admitted Eren. "I just knew it was like clockwork, and...well, you've been even quieter and moodier than usual since we won out against the beast titan."
"Hmph. Whatever. So what do you have to say, Eren?"
The boy took a deep breath, mentally reviewing what was in his heart. "I want to say I'm sorry. To both of you. I didn't want the commander to die. I didn't mean to lash out at you, or to disrespect you the way I did. I just didn't want to lose my friend. Armin is like my brother, and all I could think of was how many people I've already lost. I didn't think of your losses at all, and I didn't think of how much good Commander Erwin could still do for humanity. I don't want you to hate me, sir."
Levi's brows very briefly forked, and then smoothed out again. "Good news, then: I don't hate you. You can stop worrying about that."
"But, I feel like—"
"Stop," ordered Levi with a little hand gesture. "Oi, just stop. He made his choice. We lost a lot of people. My badge collection is over-flowing. Erwin did nothing without being aware of the sacrifices—including his own life. The only thing I really regret is not getting him to that fucking basement alive. Then again, maybe it's for the best that I failed in that."
Eren was about to protest, to tell Levi that he hadn't failed the commander, and that he was just one man. Levi went on speaking before he could say anything, though.
"It's probably better this way," murmured Levi, his gaze again resting on Erwin's headstone. Beside it, though there were no remains buried beneath it, was Moblit's headstone. Hange had insisted on it, and Levi hadn't argued with her. "It might have killed his soul if he'd survived to reach his prized goal, only to find out there wasn't jack-shit there. It's probably kinder that he died without ever knowing it was all for nothing."
"But it wasn't all for nothing," argued Eren, finding his nerve again as the despairing statement hit him like a fist. "Captain, we ended a major threat to humanity's survival. We don't have to worry about enemies breaching the walls again. People are safe, just as Erwin wanted! He led us to victory and you took out Commander Zeke, just like you promised him you would."
Levi simply stared at him, until Eren looked away. His throat felt tight, and he feared he might start to cry. "Do you resent me, Captain?" whispered Eren. "You say you don't hate me, but...Zeke was related to me. All of this death and destruction happened because of my family, and you lost your commander because of me."
"Bullshit," snapped Levi. "It's not all about you, Eren. You can't help who you're related to, anymore than you can help the color of your eyes or how big your dick is."
Eren blushed hard, wondering if Levi was making an observation or just choosing a random, crass example. He tended not to check out other guys' junk when bathing in front of them, but Mikasa said he was big.
"Uh, I guess not," he said lamely.
"It is what it is," said Levi with a shrug. "We can't change what happened, and we can't bring back the dead. Do yourself a favor and save your guilt. You've got a chance to grow into a man now, a chance to get old and maybe even have a family. Believe me, you're going to fuck up plenty of times in your life before you die, so spare the guilt for the things you'll actually be responsible for in the future instead of inventing blame for yourself."
Eren found the older man's advice sound, just like every previous talk Levi had with him. It salved some of his uncertainty and chased away that sick feeling of survivor's guilt he'd been living with. "Yes sir. So...are we okay?"
Levi nodded, and he turned to face the grave again. "We're fine. I'd like to be alone now, Jaeger. Dismissed."
Eren saluted him sharply, not daring to try and offer further sympathy. It would take time for Levi to come out of this funk. He was a mortal man and regardless of reputation, he did have feelings like everyone else. He mourned. He should be allowed to do so. "Sir!"
He turned and left without a backwards glance. Perhaps Levi would be more like himself again, over time. Eren had no idea how he'd handled his previous losses of this magnitude, but he knew Levi took each and every death of his comrades very seriously. The shifter silently prayed for his captain as he left him at Erwin's grave.
Something was growing between them. Hange knew it, even as she told herself they were just closer than ever because they were all that remained of the veteran scouts. As true friends went, she and Levi were all each other had now. Surely that would influence how they saw each other...how they interacted. Her heightened senses might be partly to blame for it, as well. Three months had passed by now, and she and Levi were spending more time together than ever. Maybe she was tricking herself into feeling something for him that wasn't really there.
He had nice hands. She made the silent observation while watching him point out different areas on the map rolled out on the command table between them. They were scarred from battle, but they were shaped nicely, and they were bigger than she'd realized until now. They weren't mis-proportioned to the rest of him, but the fingers were long, and the skin looked soft and healthy. He must moisturize. No doubt he had calluses on the palms and underside of his fingers from years of handling weapons, but Hange could bet he kept them from getting too rough, given the man's hygiene. Levi tapped a spot on the map outside the walls, and the drone of his voice filled her ears without really making sense to her.
"Hange, you listening?"
"Mmm? Oh, yes. Go on, Levi." She tore her thoughts away from the direction they were leading. Had she really just been staring at his hands? She started to blush. Yes, she'd been staring at them, and somehow her thoughts went from wondering about his manicure habits to wondering what he liked to do with those hands in the bedroom.
"Given what we know about the terrain outside the wall so far, I think it's a fair bet to start around here and see if we can find any signs of civilization," Levi went on, eyeing her suspiciously. "You haven't said what you think about that."
"Oh, I agree," said Hange with a nod. "It's going to take a lot more time to build up our numbers again for another expedition outside the walls though, Levi. We don't have nearly enough men."
"Yeah," he sighed. He placed his hands flat on the table, looking down at the map broodingly. "I know. I just want us to have a game plan, if we're gonna try and find that shifter village. The kids think we're safe now since the monkey's dead, but I'm not convinced."
"Me either." Hange scratched her head, also frowning at the map. "There isn't much more we can do right now, though. Let's put a pin in it and set a hesitant employ date for around this time next year. We may have the numbers for it, by then."
Levi nodded. He rolled up the map and he started to put it away, but he paused and he looked at her in a strange way. Wondering if she had something on her face, Hange touched her cheek self-consciously. "What? Do I have an ink smudge or something?"
He shook his head. "Just curious about something."
"What is it?" Now Hange was curious too, wondering what thoughts could make the captain look at her that way.
Levi cocked his head slightly, his eyes narrowing a bit. It wasn't done in anger, or else his brows would have knitted as well. It was a strangely inquisitive look that Hange wasn't used to seeing on him.
"Do you ever wear your hair down? I don't think I've ever seen it out of that sloppy ponytail you keep it in."
Startled by the question, Hange touched said ponytail. "Well, when I go to bed or take a bath I do."
"You bathe?" Levi smirked, and there was a teasing light in his eyes.
"As a matter of fact—" huffed the scientist, putting her hands on her hips, "—I do! Maybe not every hour on the hour like you do, but I bathe at least three times a week."
"Interesting. I'd have thought it was three times a month." Levi still looked subtly amused. "Just wondering, four-eyes. Maybe you ought to try running a brush through it sometime. No schedule is too busy for a little basic hygiene."
She should have been offended by the implication that she didn't know what soap or a comb was for, but this was Levi, and Hange knew by now that his little critiques were meant as much for encouragement as they were for pointing out flaws. In short, if the shorty didn't criticize someone, it meant he didn't give a damn about them.
Hange felt warmed by his show of interest in her health, and she smiled. "Maybe I'll give that brush thing a try sometime, who knows?"
Levi's hair was so shiny and soft-looking. She wondered how he conditioned it to get it that way. Maybe it was just an Ackerman thing, because Mikasa had that same sheen to her raven locks. Hange frowned as she thought of the other Ackerman she'd had the displeasure of meeting. No, it couldn't just come naturally to everyone in that family; Kenny's hair had been oily and unkempt, dull and unremarkable. It had to be something Levi and Mikasa were putting in theirs to make it so healthy.
"Just don't rip your hair out when you try it," suggested Levi. He finished putting away the map, and he headed out the door. "I'll bet you've got more knots and tangles in that mess than a box of yarn."
Hange very nearly stuck her tongue out at him childishly, but it would have been a lost gesture on Levi, because he was already out the door before she could even react.
"A brush, huh?" she mused to herself, tapping a fingertip against her chin. "You want to know what I look like with my hair down? That's...interesting."
Unfortunately, Hange had no idea about hair care beyond basic washing, a quick brush and putting it up in her usual ponytail. She'd never been a "lady-like" sort, a tom-boy from the start. There were too many interesting things to learn about in the world to bother spending an hour or more in front of a mirror to look pretty each day. The most she did was put on a touch of makeup before attending a meeting with the brass or conducting politics.
"I wonder how he'd react if I gussied up just a bit for him?" Hange pondered to herself. She was going to need some help, though.
"Mikasa, help."
The young scout was surprised by her commander's sudden and unexpected request—which sounded almost like a desperate plea to her ears. "Ma'am?"
"You have hair," Hange reasoned.
Mikasa absently touched her black locks, which were starting to grow below shoulder-length. "Yes, Commander...we all do, except for Connie."
"You have shiny hair," Hange went on, eyeballing it ponderingly.
"I suppose," agreed Mikasa. Where in the hell was Hange going with this? "Do you need a sample for some kind of research?"
"Oh, no." Hange shook her head, glanced around and then leaned in to speak in a whisper. "I need advice."
Mikasa stared at her, and Hange spread her hands. "I'm the commander now, and I have an image to uphold, don't I? I need to learn a few basic tricks to put forth a better image to our peers. Erwin was always immaculate. I'm...er...not so much. I need someone that knows a little hair care to teach me some things. Are you game, my dear?"
The reasoning behind the request made sense to Mikasa, and her expression softened. Yes, Commander Erwin had been a very sophisticated, well-dressed and handsome representative. There was more to leading the scouts than battle tactics.
"I'll help you."
Captain or no, Levi didn't shirk his share of chores—one of which was taking at least one evening per week of culinary duty. It was the only day that he did not visit Erwin's grave to pay his respects. He was stirring the pot when he saw her come into the kitchen. Connie was there with him, assisting Levi in the kitchen. Levi kept stirring absently when his tall female commander came up beside him, bent over the pot and took a deep sniff of the aroma.
"Mmm, smells delicious, Levi! I've been waiting for your chicken and dumplings all week. Isn't it wonderful that we have more access to meat, now?"
Levi kept staring at her, still stirring slowly even though he didn't need to do so. She was freshly bathed. He could smell the lavender tones. It was coming from her hair, which was softer and shinier than he'd ever believed possible—and it was loose. It fell free to just below her shoulders, un-styled but loosely wavy. It was a flattering look, perhaps because he'd never before seen her like this. She wasn't made up, but she was clean and natural and...feminine.
"Sir?" Connie's voice said from off to Levi's right, "I thought you said not to stir it more than once every three to five minutes."
Realizing he'd been standing there stirring like an idiot, Levi pulled the wooden spoon out of the pot and tapped it against the side to knock the residue off. "Yeah. Only every three minutes or so." To Hange, he said: "Yeah, more land means more meat. I didn't know you had such a thing for this dish. It's pretty simple."
"Ah, but it's the perfect comfort food for a cold night," insisted Hange with a playful wink. She reached out and boldly pinched his chin with affection. "You know how to season it just right, too. I tried to make it once and it came out far too salty. I don't have your touch."
Levi shrugged, taking the compliment stoically. He didn't think his culinary skills were particularly exceptional; he was just a perfectionist in everything that he did. He put the lid on the pot, leaving it askew so that steam could escape as it finished cooking. He looked at Hange again, and he found himself unable to look away. She looked so different, and yet the same. It felt like he was seeing her in an entirely new light.
Hange touched her hair in a self-conscious gesture, and she shifted on her feet. "You're looking at me like I've sprouted a third arm, Levi."
He tempered his stare, glancing away. "I just wasn't expecting you to take my advice. It's an...interesting look for you."
"Hmm, interesting in a good way, or a bad one?" Hange gazed at him inquisitively. She really seemed to value his opinion.
"Good," admitted Levi, keeping his tone as bland as possible. "You look clean for once."
Hange raised a brow, and then she smirked. "Coming from you, that's a huge compliment."
Time passed, and the commander and captain grew even closer as they picked up the broken pieces of their lives and struggled to keep the Survey Corps alive. The masons had found a way to repair cracks in the walls, thought their methods weren't as solid as titan hardening abilities. People seemed to think that the danger from the titans was over with, now that the scouts had eliminated the shifters behind the direct attacks against the protective walls. Only a small handful of new recruits joined the scouts by the time six months had passed since the reclaiming of Wall Maria. That wasn't nearly enough to carry on another expedition outside the walls, but Hange refused to lose her optimism. They still had several months before her anticipated mission planning date, and there were a lot of young soldiers in basic training. Perhaps they'd get more recruits out of the new batch than ever before, since everyone thought the danger of invasion was over with.
In the meantime, she did her best to carry on as she thought Erwin would have wanted. She also bathed more often and trained her titan abilities with Eren and Armin regularly. Hange would not allow herself to become complacent, and Levi shared her attitude. She still took samples from herself for research, but none as extreme as the day Levi caught her cutting her own hand off. A flesh sample here, a hair sample or blood sample there. Hange got good enough at emerging from her titan form and recovering quickly enough to even cut samples from it before it disintegrated. Still, she learned precious little more about the biology of it despite her best efforts.
She and Levi took care of each other. It was their silent vow since losing Erwin and all of the other senior officers. When she found him passed out in his chair from exhaustion, she helped him to bed. When he thought she was drinking too much, he cut her off and helped her sober up. As for the younger scout survivors living with them at the keep, Hange came to think of them in a matronly way. Levi scoffed at her when she referred to the kids from the 104th as her "baby birds", and he said she was out of her mind when she compared herself and him to parents.
"Think about it, Levi," Hange said one evening after supper. They were going over the map again, pre-planning possible routes for when they had enough bodies to schedule an expedition. "Those kids lost everyone. Their families, their homes, most of their friends—"
"So did we," interrupted the captain, the reminder coming out flat. He pushed a tactical piece representing the scouting formation to a different part of the map. "I'm thinking we should try to shoot for here next, after route three. That's assuming we can even get enough men to conduct any of these expeditions."
"We will," promised Hange. "Maybe not as soon as we'd like, but eventually. The scouts have a much higher public approval rating now than ever before. We've been lauded as the saviors of humanity. Surely that will bring in some more recruits."
"Hmph, those ungrateful pigs," groused Levi, looking up from the map with flashing eyes. "The same man they tried to execute is responsible for ending the biggest threat, and they couldn't even hold a memorial parade in his honor."
Hange sighed. "I know, dear. It's frustrating, but you need to remember that they are picking up the pieces, too. Once we reclaimed our land, the government needed to focus on allotting it to people that can work it and bring our food supplies back up. Historia has her hands full, and she's done everything we've asked of her."
"Wasn't blaming her," corrected Levi, almost sullenly. "I just think they should have honored Erwin more than they did, that's all."
Sympathizing with his feelings on that matter, Hange circled around to him from the other side of the strategy table. She squeezed Levi's shoulders supportively, wishing she could make it better for him. Hange decided to speak his language. "You know what? Screw them."
The tension in Levi's brows relaxed somewhat, and the anger in his gaze softened with interest. "Hmm?"
"Yes, screw them," Hange repeated. "Not literally, of course. If they're all too fancy to appreciate the sacrifice Erwin Smith made, then I say they aren't worthy of celebrating his life or morning his loss. They didn't know him, Levi...not like we did. I think the honor his best friend gives his memory each and every day is worth a lot more than some ignorant strangers giving him a memorial parade."
For a moment, Levi just stared at her. Then the tiniest, sweetest little smile curved his lips; just like the only one Levi had ever given his comrades back when Erwin entrusted him with the titan serum. "Heh. Interesting point of view. You've gotten pretty good at giving advice, shitty-glasses."
Hange sighed again, and she released his shoulders to slip her glasses off and wipe the lenses, lowering her eyes. "It's just words, grump. It's really up to the listener to choose whether or not to let it give them comfort or help them see things from a different angle."
She looked up from he task and she met his eyes. Something happened then that Hange couldn't have explained if she tried. She and Levi stared intensely at one another, her from a greater height and him from a shorter one. All she could think of all the sudden was how handsome he looked, and the next thing she knew, their faces closed the distance between one another and their lips met. Who initiated it, Hange couldn't guess. It seemed like they both did at the same time, and once their mouths pressed together, moist and warm, coherent thought fled and basic human needs took over.
Hange's glasses fell from her slack fingers, landing on the floor. Neither of them noticed. Their tongues fenced as the kiss deepened, and their arms went around one another in a tight embrace. Breath quickening, hearts pounding, the two scout leaders conveyed everything to each other with the growing desperation of the contact. Their pain, their loss, and the frantic need to connect with someone that they'd both been trying to deny for all this time.
Hange got backed up against the table, the back of her thighs hitting the edge of it. Her hands slid around from Levi's back to his front, the fingers curling into the straps of his gear harness. Levi's hands slipped under her jacket, stroking and kneading her back with strong fingers. He'd swelled in his pants, and the evidence was pressing firmly against Hange's thigh.
Suddenly, Levi broke away with a gasp, staring at her with dazed bewilderment. Hange had the same glossy look in her eyes.
"What are we doing, four-eyes?" breathed Levi.
Hange shook her head, and her shaggy brown bangs fell over her eyes. "I don't know," she admitted.
The seconds ticked by with only the sound of the pair's harsh, rapid breathing, and then they closed in on each other again.
"We can't," Levi muttered against her lips, even as he grinded against her.
"I know," agreed Hange, and she grabbed his ass and squeezed it eagerly.
"It'll change everything if we do." Levi's mouth had dragged away from hers, and it was not pressing kisses against her throat. His fingers slipped into her ponytail and he tugged it, forcing her head back to bear her throat more.
"It will," gasped Hange, face flushing in reaction to the sexually aggressive move on his part.
She started fumbling with his pants, even as she conceded to his logic that they probably shouldn't let this happen. Hange hopped up on the table as Levi cupped her ass and lifted her. Their bodies were in synch with each other, ignoring their minds' agreed thoughts that this could be a huge mistake. Her legs wrapped around his waist as the captain wedged his hips between them, pushing her down on the table at the same time. Hange shoved the tactical piece out of the way. The map crinkled and rustled under her. Harness buckles came undone, uniform jackets came off, and Levi's cravat ended up rumpled on the floor next to the scientist's discarded glasses.
"Levi," moaned Hange feverishly as he got her shirt open and parted.
His hands cupped the small swell of her breasts, and he rubbed eagerly against her hand when she palmed his swollen package. She practically tore his shirt off, her bronzed hands exploring the fair, toned expanse of his bared chest and abs. Scarred in various places from old battle injuries and striped with harness strap marks, Hange found his physique to be the most beautiful example of male strength she could ever recall seeing. Her own scars were gone now, thanks to her titan physiology regenerating her cells. But for the faint marks from her harness straps—which faded rapidly each time she shifted back to human form—Hange's skin was unmarked by her experiences as a soldier.
If this bothered Levi, he didn't show it. Their mouths connected again in a searing kiss, and Hange got his pants open. She gripped him, stroking her hand up and down his exposed, hard length. She murmured her approval at his size, lifting her hips helpfully as Levi's hands traveled down to work her pants open.
Hange pulled him up onto the table with her, and she flipped Levi over to straddle him. He didn't object. He helped her get her boots off, and then he assisted her with wriggling out of her pants. As soon as she was left in nothing except her open shirt, Levi sought out the moisture between Hange's thighs, and he worked his fingers over the swollen nub he found there. He broke the kiss, lifted up and captured a dusky nipple between his lips, drawing another moan of delight from her. Hange's hand moved faster, squeezing his cock a little firmer. Levi's heady groans in response was all the encouragement needed to confirm his pleasure.
There was little time for foreplay. Both of them were in a wild, carnal state of need, and when she was moist enough for her satisfaction, Hange lifted up and guided him into her. They both exclaimed their pleasure at the union, Levi being more expressive than Hange was prepared for. He rolled his hips beneath her, one hand fondling her breasts alternately, while the fingertips of the other hand massaged her clit.
Consequences be damned, it was far too late to stop now, for either of them. Hange pulled back and straightened up on top of him, stroking Levi's pecs as she stared down at him and rode him. Levi's eyes were bright with lust, the pupils expanded wide in arousal. His breath huffed with each thrust, his pelvic motions sharpening to drive himself into her harder. Both of their faces were flushed, and their skin began to glisten with sweat. Tan on white, their tense bodies writhed in the lantern light together, gyrating and bucking and twitching with need.
"Door's barred, right?" panted Levi, his voice uneven and rough.
"Of course," Hange assured after glancing at it to be sure. That was just what they needed; for one of the kids to come in with a report or a question and find them humping each other like frantic rabbits. Whoops.
Levi said no more about it. He let her set the pace and have her way with him until their thrusts and his attentive fondling made her toss her head and yell with release. Fighting to catch her breath as the climactic pleasure swept through her, clenching tight around his cock, Hange smiled blissfully. Levi slowed his motions for a moment, watching her with his dark brows pinched tellingly, a look of concentration on his tense face. When she recovered and issued a compliment to his diligence, Levi turned the tables on her. Hange whooped a little with surprise as that small, strong body lifted at the hips, rolled over and pinned hers beneath it.
"One good turn deserves another, I suppose," she breathed teasingly, combing her bangs out of her eyes as she looked up at him.
Levi didn't speak in response. He hooked his arms under her knees, positioning her legs further apart and back. Hange shuddered as he propped them over his shoulders and started pounding her hard. Levi's grunts and moans sounded in her ear as he unleashed his full passion on her. The smack of skin on skin filled the air, and the scientist realized she was probably going to end up with bruised thighs when this was finished. She didn't care. Her fingernails dug into his tense back and she gasped encouragement to him. Levi gripped her ponytail and tugged it again, and that little act once more caused a surge of excitement to pool in Hange's belly.
His breath became more ragged and hurried as the captain thrust over her, and Hange placed a hand against his chest to feel his heart pounding at a rapid tempo. Her cries grew louder as her excitement started to peak again, and she slapped Levi on his tight little ass impulsively.
"Shit," he blurted in response to the smack, but he didn't stop or admonish her. He said it again when Hange curved her hand down, reaching between his buttocks and under to cup his sack and give it a squeeze. Levi tensed up, dropped his forehead to her shoulder and groaned loudly, desperately.
Hange let go of his balls to rub his ass as he came inside of her. She closed her eyes and she sighed, feeling his length pulsing within her. With her free hand, she stroked his sweat-dampened hair. His tension faded after a few heartbeats, and his weight settled more firmly on top of her as he joined her in the afterglow.
"Did you come again?" Levi asked after a few moments, his voice winded and rough.
"Almost." She looked up at him when he lifted his head and frowned. "A couple more minutes, and I would have."
"Damn," he sighed.
"Oh Levi, don't be upset," advised Hange, lifting her head off the table to kiss his clavicle. "You made me come good and hard. I did get a good orgasm out of it."
"Not good enough," he grunted, and then he eased out of her.
"Where are you going?" Hange demanded as the captain started squirming down her body. "What are you...oh."
Her eyes went blank and she stared up at the beams in the ceiling while Levi Ackerman demonstrated talents with his mouth that she never would have expected. He had skills with that tongue that went beyond spouting off vulgarities that would make a sailor blush. It seemed she was going to get that second climax, after all.
Some time later, the scout leaders emerged from the tactics room fully dressed, but in a somewhat disheveled state. Hange's glasses thankfully hadn't been cracked when they fell to the floor. Levi watched her as she closed the door behind them, and they stood there in the corridor silently. It was awkward. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't look at her the same way anymore. They'd both obviously needed that very much, but now he wondered how it would effect their relationship dynamic, both in the field and off of it. She was still his commander, and he needed to keep that in mind when it came to military decisions.
"Well," Hange said at last, breaking the silence between them, "that was a very...eventful strategic meeting, wasn't it?"
"Yeah." He hesitated. While he was confident with himself when it came to action, he lacked it when it came to expressing himself in words that involved feelings of affection.
"Levi, this doesn't have to be a bad thing," whispered Hange. She reached out to straighten his cravat for him. "Things have changed, but it's all in what we make of it. I for one don't regret it."
He leaned back against the wall, crossing one booted ankle over the other. "I hope neither of us do, but I've gotten used to making risky choices. You feeling okay?"
She smiled. "A little sore, but that won't last for long. Just look at it this way: now you have a lover you can pound the shit out of without making her bedridden for a couple of days."
Lover. The term should have sounded stranger to him than it did. Levi would have expected himself to advise her not to get too far ahead of herself and apply labels like that to their relationship so quickly, but as he thought of it, he realized it felt...right.
Days later, Eren was leaving the dining hall to put his food bowl in the sink for washing, when he noticed something that made him stop in his tracks. Levi and Hange were eating their breakfast together at the table they always sat at for meals, and Eren's vantage point was just right for him to see it. The commander reached beneath the table with her free hand while forking up some of her hash browns with the other. Invisible to everyone else seated in the hall, Hange's hand rested on the captain's closest knee. Then, as Eren watched, he saw Levi drop his hand beneath the table to rest it on top of Hange's. Their two hands moved, and they clasped together.
Eren's wide-eyed shock faded with another feeling of warmth, and he smiled softly at his superiors behind their back before moving on to the scullery. Maybe it was just a platonic gesture, rather than a romantic one. Maybe this had been going on for longer than any of them knew, but whether it was just a friendly holding of hands or something more, Eren found it comforting to witness.
"There you are," Armin stated, coming through the door to join him. He raised his brows at the expression on his friend's face. "What's got you smiling like that? I wondered if I'd ever see you do that again."
Eren looked at his dear friend, somehow seeing something of Erwin in him. Maybe it was insane, but he felt like the commander lived on in some ways, not just in Armin, but within them all. He very nearly told the blond what he'd seen, but he decided to respect Captain Levi and Commander Hange's privacy, for now. They wouldn't like it if he started gossiping about them to his friends, and Eren was trying very hard not to cross any lines again.
"I was just thinking of how excited Sasha got yesterday when we brought in that crate of potatoes from the food supply run," excused Eren. True enough, it had been amusing to listen to the girl enthuse about how many different dishes she intended to make with those potatoes.
"I see." Armin gave him a smile. It was a weary, slightly sad one, but at least it was a smile. "Well, perhaps things are finally getting better for us all. Would you...like to go and visit Commander Erwin's grave with me? I don't want to go there in the evening and intrude on Captain Levi to pay my respects."
Eren nodded. "Sure."
So, Armin was aware of Levi's habit of visiting Erwin's grave each day. He might have known. Armin was right, though; things were starting to improve. The sadness of loss would always be there, but they were moving on with what they had, finding comfort in their remaining comrades. If Levi and Hange found the most comfort and healing in each others arms, then Eren thought it was a blessing for them to be together.
-The End
