Chapter Text
EARTH
There had been an old human saying - Never meet your heroes. James Vega found he couldn’t agree, standing in the flesh before Commander Jane Shepard. She was everything he had been led to believe; naturally charismatic and commanding in a way that disregarded rank. Larger than life. Apart from Anderson everyone in the room kept a naturally large berth, eager to anticipate her next move.
“I’m not a prisoner but I’m going to have a handler?”
James had tried to refuse the assignment but it was clear from the jump that there would be no room for negotiation. Someone had to watch Shepard and he supposed that, after getting his entire squad killed, he would be the easiest pick for the worst assignment in the galaxy. He was going to have to find a way to politely tell The Commander Shepard she wasn’t allowed to make a phone call and he would be lucky if she didn’t kill him for it.
“I don’t want to hear it, Shepard. Everything you’ve done you’re lucky you weren’t court martialed.” Anderson and Shepard had stood across from the other, arms crossed over their chests before Shepard finally shrugged.
“Guess that’s that.” She levelled her gaze onto James. “Don’t worry, I’ll take it easy on you.” And then she was winking, brushing past him on her way back to her quarters. He could hear Anderson chuckling softly as he walked after her.
⇹
True to her word, Shepard did generally make his job easy for him. She followed a strict routine, an 0430 wake up with a brisk jog before a light breakfast. She made small talk while they jogged, words broken by heaving breaths.
He stood outside meeting rooms most mornings in the beginning of her newfound dry dock. They had to ensure she wasn’t a danger, that Cerberus hadn’t changed her or indoctrinated her in any way. The meetings were long and arduous but not otherwise taxing and James would watch her nearly combust from boredom, leg shaking violently under the table as she told them all, over and over, how and why she found herself working with Cerberus. After, she would run in the public gyms, no matter his protests, feet pounding against the tread, jaw set tight. She did not speak to him during these runs, stopping him with a firm look as she made her way towards the communal showers.
Eventually she had no new information to give, no way to say the same thing over again and the meetings lessened. Shepard replaced the meetings instead with reading and leisure, physical books instead of a data pad. She had been a skilled technician and The Council had made it clear - no risks. Evenings were for her second work out and dinner, both again shared with James. Another Marine took his place at 1800, freeing him until 0400 the next day. Two others replaced them on the weekend.
“You ever talk with her?” James had gone out with his old buddy Charles, another marine. They were sharing a beer, loud music from the bar playing overhead.
James took a swig of his beer. “I mean yeah, obviously.”
“What’s she like?” James shrugged, letting the glass rim rest against his bottom lip for several moments before taking another drink and setting it against the bar.
“Honestly? Pretty boring. Makes my job easy - does the same thing every day. We chat, sure, but I’m not having deep philosophical conversations with her. Typical soldier shit, runs a lot, does her target practice, eats her wheaties.” Charles started laughing.
“Bet she’s impressive to watch.” James blushed at that, Charles knocking his shoulder with his.
“C’mon man.” James was trying not to groan in frustration, didn’t want to give Charles any more ammunition to continue that train of thought.
“Oh man, bet you sure do like running behind her every day. Maybe even spot her when she does her squats.”
“Alright, alright, enough. Yea, she looks good but she’s boring as hell man. Savior of the galaxy spends 3 hours every day reading some book from Earth from like 100 years ago.” Charles was still laughing and James, finally at the bottom of his beer, found himself laughing too.
⇹
James would be lying if he said he wasn’t, at least a little bit, attracted to Shepard.
It was hard not to be, all things considered. He had told Charles she was boring but that wasn’t true. James found her fascinating, found her discipline inspiring. She was politely funny and James rarely found himself at the butt of a joke he didn’t ask to be at. He learned she was a brilliant tactician, unable to beat her at any strategy games. He was sure, if she really set her mind to it, she would have been able to dodge him with ease.
There was also the fact that she was plainly and clearly very fucking hot.
James had found himself on several occasions, hidden on the periphery, needing to adjust himself as he watched her work out, muscles lean and glistening with sweat, soft grunts echoing in his ears. Between that and the memory of her shoes hitting the concrete, breaths coming in sharp heaves past her lips on her morning run, James was in need of little else to help his imagination when he finally slipped back to his own apartments, painfully hard after another day of watching her.
After months of being on Shepard duty he couldn’t help himself.
“So, Commander?” They had just returned from their morning run, Shepard sliding a jacket from her shoulders. The Citadel was temperature controlled and so the jacket hadn’t been necessary before their run. James shifted, staring a hole into the floor.
“You can’t call me that anymore Vega, remember?” Her tone was teasing as she draped the jacket over the back of her chair, working a finger into a tight spot on her neck.
“Okay then - Lola. Mind if I ask you something?”
Shepard cocked her and nodded, “Okay, shoot. What have you got for me?”
“You ever feel like reaching out to your old team? I could probably get close to a physical address for you if I tried, if you wanted to send anyone a letter.” Shepard smiled at him.
“Nah, don’t worry about it. Not worth it. Alliance won’t like anything the lot of them have to say anyway.” She slipped around a corner and James knew she was changing, He swallowed hard.
“How ‘bout you Vega, mind if I ask you a question?” He could hear her movements in her voice. He shrugged even though she couldn’t see him.
“Sure.” It wasn’t like he was going to tell Commander Shepard no.
“I’m a Lola, huh? What does that mean?” James was already on edge between the running and the changing.
“Some people just don’t match their name, ya know? And if I can’t call you Commander, what else should I call you?” Shepard laughed, returning from her room. James wished she would wear something baggy for a change.
“You could call me Jane but no one calls me Jane anymore. Lola works.” Shepard stood before him, curious glint in her eyes. “Who was she, some ex of yours?” James almost choked.
“My best friend's sister growing up was Lola.” He took a breath before continuing, prayed it paid off. “Older.” He met her gaze. “Hot. Tough.” He willed himself not to blush.
“Right,” she said, drawing the word out through a smirk. “Good to know.”
In some ways it paid off for James, the casual flirting becoming commonplace in their banter. He was good at it, harmless flirting. Shepard was better.
“You here for a chat or just looking?” They were at the local gym. James preferred the gym closer to the Alliance Headquarters but Shepard insisted that this one had a better layout. Shepard smirked as she approached him, finished with her own workout. James had suffered through another, trying to focus instead on the scream of his biceps as he curled some weights.
“I was coming to chat but I could stay for the show.” James smiled, reracking his weight. When Shepard was done, he was done. Those were the rules.
“You’ll have to try harder than that to make me blush.” He knew that wasn’t true but she didn’t.
“Fine then. Care to join me Vega?” She motioned to the showers. James couldn’t read the expression on her face.
“Alright, you got me.” He put his hands up in defeat, feeling the heat spread across the back of his neck and across his cheeks. Shepard shook her head.
“That easy huh? You ever gonna make good on all this flirting?” James couldn’t summon a response, couldn’t force anything other than some mumbled excuse through his lips. His reaction just made Shepard smile bigger, the flash of her teeth sending a shiver down his spine.
“So fucked.” He finally mumbled, staring at the spot where Shepard had disappeared into the locker room.
⇹
James had redeemed himself in the weeks that followed but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed. Shepard never relented in her flirtations with him but they seemed more pointed, eager to elicit a response from him.
“Like what you see?” Shepard greeted him one morning, solider from the night before still standing at attention in the middle of the room. If the other marine was affected he didn’t show it, waiting until Shepard, in her skin tight running clothes, dismissed him.
“Shit Lola, you’re gonna give the poor guy a heart attack.” Shepard laughed, urging James to start their run.
“Think you could cover his shift then, if I did?”
“Nah - they would just send some other poor sap to watch you sleep.” He tried to match her pace, arms brushing together.
“What a shame.” She said before increasing her pace, leaving him to chase after her.
James wasn’t sure what Shepard’s goal in this was. She wasn’t necessarily bound by the regulations, everything but her title being stripped from her, but James still saw her as Commander Shepard. The mythos of her still carried weight with him. Plus, he had heard the gossip - Shepard and Kaidan, now Major Alenko, quietly in love aboard the Normandy SR1. She never spoke about him, never spoke of their meeting on Horizon. James had heard about it though, the confirmation that Commander Shepard was still alive and well with Cerberus. The look on the Major’s face during the debrief told James everything he needed to know about how it went. That kind of look didn’t lend itself to a love lost easily.
They didn’t speak the rest of the run, James’ thoughts busy working the angles. He didn’t notice, locking the door behind them as they returned to her apartment, that she had stopped in the living room.
“‘Sup Lola? You need something?”
She smirked, shaking her head softly, “Lola, huh?” James shrugged.
“You look like a Lola.” Shepard was moving towards him, slowly. He felt like a small animal, cornered.
“Like someone’s older sister?” It was a test, an invitation. She was so close to him now, pupils wide, her prey within grasp.
James closed the gap, hand twitching to touch her skin.
“Hot. Tough.” A small smile crossed her lips, pressed tightly together as she reached a tentative hand out, fingers brushing his forearm.
“So you think I’m hot, huh?” Her voice was soft and raspy when she said it, head tipped back to look at him. James had never realized that he was taller than her. He snorted, looking to the ceiling for one brief moment before meeting her eyes.
“Fuck, Shepard, yea. You’re hot.” She was breathing heavily before him, hair slicked back with sweat.
“Was your plan to admire me from afar?” He couldn’t help the little noise that escaped his lips when he felt her fingers wrap around his wrist, guiding his hand forward. “Or did you ever think about me, up close and personal?” She was pushing his hand towards the hem of her shirt, still damp with sweat. James pinched the hem between two fingers, letting her push until he could splay a hand flat against the skin of her abdomen.
“I think about you up close and personal every damn day.” James let his hand slide up her torso, fingers skimming around to cup her waist. There was little softness to her, muscles firm and skin marred from years of battle.
“You don’t mean to tell me you go home at night to your apartment and touch yourself to the thought of me,” her hands were sliding over his chest, moving towards his neck. “When you could have been touching me all day long.” James expected her to kiss him, fingers laced at the nape of his neck, body pressing towards him, but she didn’t. She just looked at him patiently while he worked it out for himself.
“You gonna kiss me James? Or are you just going to stand there?” She stood there for a moment longer, about to pull back when James smiled at her, fingers pressing into her back.
“Just takin’ in the view, up close and personal.” And then he kissed her because she couldn’t kiss him, not first.
James had imagined this moment hundreds of times over. Sometimes they were here in the apartment, sometimes they were at the gym or on the path of their morning run. Other times the place was random, Shepard popping into whatever landscape he could conjure her to.
Shepard allowed herself to be pushed towards the couch, James reaching past her as he guided them down, hands cupping her face as he licked into her mouth. Shepard was receptive beneath him, lips parting for him as she moaned, squeezing his arm.
“So many missed opportunities Vega, you’re gonna have to make up for it.” James smiled, brushing a thumb across her swollen lips. He kissed her roughly before pulling away, maneuvering until he found himself settled between her legs. She was on her elbows, gazing down at him.
“You ever think about me Lola?” He saw her nod, his hand pushing he shirt up as he placed a kiss to her navel. He slid her shirt up, kisses trailing up her abdomen until the two of them pulled it up and over her head, James mirroring her action so he was shirtless before her as well. He pressed a kiss between her breasts. “You ever touch yourself to the thought of me?” He was snaking a hand around her back, finger deft with the clasp.
“Yes.” It was breathier than James had ever heard her.
“While some poor marine just had to stand there and watch?” He pulled the straps down from her shoulders, feeling the goosebumps across her skin.
“I made sure he enjoyed the show.” James sucked a nipple into his mouth as she said it, cutting off the end of her sentence with a sharp gasp. He worked his hands under the tight band of her leggings, nipple slipping from his lips with a distinct pop as he moved to remove her pants.
“I know I would have.” The position was awkward, one leg kicked to the floor to keep his balance as he looked at her, panting before him. One hand was moving, fingers dancing across her skin as she moved to slide it beneath her panties.
“I could give you one now,” She was watching him, her other hand moving to cup her own breast. “Would hate for you to have missed out.” He could see her fingers, see as she stroked across her clit. James shook his head, leaning forward and covering her hand with his own.
“Would rather show you what I thought about,” He replaced her fingers with his own, swallowing down her moan as he moved roughly against her clit. “I thought about how I would fuck you a lot.”
“Maybe next time then.” Shepard’s hand was on his cock then, tight against the thin fabric of his shorts, tip weeping heavily and darkening the fabric. James felt his vision white out as she pressed her thumb against his tip, the friction of his shorts almost too much. He removed his hand, instead tangling his wet fingers in her hair as he kissed her, feeling her pull at his shorts. He broke the kiss quickly, the two of them both removing their remaining clothes quickly.
Neither of them spoke, just stared at the other, chests heaving. Shepard just nodded slightly, reaching her hands out for him.
“Vega,” she moaned as he kissed her neck, cock heavy and leaking against her abdomen. He nipped at her neck when he felt her roll his nipple between two fingers, eliciting a groan and a sharp pinch. James felt his leg slide from the edge of the couch, his other knee buried deep in the crease of two cushions.
“Could we uh-” James groaned when she pinched his other nipple, “move this to the bedroom? Or the floor?” Shepard chuckled, pressing her hand flat against his pec. She let him pull her from the couch, capturing her lips in a deep kiss.
Shepard led them to the bedroom, James hesitating only momentarily at the doorway. Shepard relaxed onto the bed, propping herself up on her elbows as she let her legs fall to the side, bare before him.
The bed dipped beneath James’ weight, Shepard leaning back as he crawled over her. Her legs were pulled up, left foot settling against the small of his back, gently pressing but not moving. They said nothing as James slid two fingers into her, Shepard’s moan filling the air. They said nothing as he worked his fingers in and out, in and out, his thumb brushing her clit with each movement.
“James.” She said, fingers pressed into his jaw as she gripped his face, the two of them staring at each other.
“I know, I know.” He slid his fingers out, unable to suppress his own moan as his now wet finger wrapped around his cock, moving until the tip of him was pushing against her. Shepard pulled his face towards hers, pressing her lips to his before the hers before they moaned in tandem, James sinking into her.
“Fuck Shepard,” he grunted, bottoming out and pausing, sucking in a ragged breath. “Fuck Shepard.”
“Something wrong?” James almost laughed, panting as he rolled his forehead against hers.
“-s just,” he moaned as she rolled her hips up. James fisted his hands in the pillow. “Fuck Shepard you feel so good.” He pulled out, thrusting slowly into her again. “Dunno know how long I’m gonna last.” Shepard wrapped her other leg around him.
“Maybe I’ll just have to give you a show.” Her heels dug into his back. “Get a move on.”
James couldn’t stop himself, fucking into her faster then, one hand finding her breast while the other slid between them, dancing against her clit in rhythm with his trusts.
Shepard was loud in bed, James learned. She was fearless with her moans, a near ceaseless series of praises falling from her lips until James stopped her, hand pressed against her mouth. The sound of her moans, muffled and vibrating against his fingers was what tipped him over the edge, one final thrust before he buried himself inside her and came with a halting grunt. He felt her fingers against the back of his head as he came back to his body, cock still twitching inside her. He panted against her for only a moment before moving, sliding from her. He was about to offer some half hearted apology before she gently pushed him to his side.
“For the record,” she said, legs again falling to the side as she brought her hand to her clit. “You feel so good.” James felt his mouth snap dry, tongue glued to the roof of his mouth as he watched her fingers swirl around her clit, her pointer finger dipping into her cunt before pulling back out to brush her clit again. “Better than I could have ever imagined. You fill me so good Vega, feels so good when you fuck me.”
“Lola, let me,” he moved to touch her but Shepard shook her head.
“Said I’d give you a show. Now you can see how much I want you,” Her fingers were rhythmic against her glistening cunt. “This is how I would touch myself, imagining it was you instead. I bet that poor marine did have to listen, listen to how I would moan your name.” James felt his balls tighten in vain, his cock throbbing.
“Every night he has to hear it, hear me say ‘Fuck James’,” He fingers were moving faster now, her eyes screwed tight. She didn’t see him, could only feel the bed sway as he moved forward. He grabbed her wrist, tongue instead pressing flat against her clit before he licked up. He could taste himself on her cunt and he moaned.
“Bet he wishes it was him.” James said before sucking her clit into his mouth, tongue flicking over it in rhythm with how she had touched herself. James didn’t stop, even when her sharp gasp had filled the room and her hand had pressed against his head despite her thighs capturing him there.
“Fuck Vega, fuck wait-” He still didn’t stop, pressing two fingers inside her, curving upwards as he thrust them. “James, fuck I-” and then she was coming against his mouth. He didn’t stop until she was twitching with aftershocks, too over sensitive to be pleasurable.
“Was it everything you imagined, Vega?” James let out a groan beside her, pulling her body into his.
“Are you going to try to run if I accidentally fall asleep?” He heard her chuckle softly.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
⇹
Shepard developed a new routine, strengthened her discipline. Neither of them were too keen to be discovered, the least of their concerns being the gray area surrounding their fraternization. She still went on her run every morning at 0430, still left him in the dust every time. He still went with her to the gym in town, still stood guard outside the showers, still tried to hide the painful erection in his fatigues.
The only difference was now, sometimes when James turned to lock the door behind him as they returned to the apartment, he would turn to find Shepard on her knees before him, her hands making quick work of his fatigues, eager to pull his leaking cock from its prisoner. She would expertly take him into her mouth, fingers teasing the seam of his balls as she swallowed him down. James had long since stopped worrying about passersby hearing him curse against the door, about them hearing the sounds of Shepard drooling around his cock, the noises nearly enough to make James come.
They didn’t spend every afternoon fucking although the beginning of whatever this was was dominated by sex. They were desperate for each other and it took several more months of this before the passion died. James couldn’t find it in himself to complain. He was fucking Commander Shepard.
James liked how they spoke now, though. The sex was great, better than he had imagined, but Shepard was so easy to talk to. He asked her about Eden Prime and Saren and dying and he even asked her about Horizon.
“So what, did you guys break up?” Shepard was lounged before him in a pair of his sweatpants she had managed to snag from him.
“That’s how I took it. He was just so angry. He sent me a letter after but it didn’t really fix anything.” She was picking at a loose thread on her hoodie, no longer looking at James.
“Can’t believe he didn’t follow you back onto the Normandy.” James left out the part where he thought he would have followed her anywhere. Shepard shrugged.
“I mean, I guess in his shoes I get it. He hadn’t seen Cerberus the way I had, hadn’t seen first hand how The Illusive man was doing what the Alliance refused to. Kaidan saw an entire colony get taken and what did the Alliance do? Nothing.” James thought back to his mission, to the complete and utter failure it was. He thought about telling her.
“Do you think you’ll ever get back together?” She still looked distant, still wasn’t looking at him, when she shrugged. He tried not to feel jealous when he asked it.
“Don’t think so. I don’t think they’ll let me see him anyway.”
“Well, his loss Lola.” This snapped her out of it, soft smile on her face as she finally turned her gaze to him.
“His loss,” she was tugging the sweatpants off, moving off the couch and towards him. “Your gain.”
EARTH II
“Shepard.”
“Kaidan.”
James felt his chest cave in on itself.
MARS
James Vega was not in love with Commander Shepard. They fucked and that was it. Sometimes she fell asleep in his arms and he would watch her for hours before he had to sneak out of her room and change shifts. Sometimes he found letters in her hand tucked into the inner pocket of his jacket. Sometimes he offered to pull a double shift on Fridays, tell a lie about a bad breakup and wanting to stay busy, and he held her all night long. He was not in love with Commander Shepard.
He was enraged, however, with Commander Shepard when she commanded him back to the Normandy. He attributed it to a wounded warrior's pride, to the crashing adrenaline from leaving Earth.
He couldn’t help but think of the familiar way they moved around the other, the strange push and pull between them. Kaidan was being a bastard, mistrustful of her intentions.
“Kaidan.”
“Don’t Kaidan me. There's more to it.” Kaidan had started and James was glad for the helmets, hoping the tint hid his eyeroll.
“The Commander has been under constant surveillance since coming back to Earth.” He left out the with me, tried not to let the feeling of disappointment wash over him when she didn’t even so much as look in his direction.
And then she ordered him back to the Normandy without a moment's hesitation, remnants of her old crew now flanking her.
“But-” he had tried to protest.
“Now, Lieutenant." Power and authority reinstated. James would have listened to her anyway. He was left with choppy radio messages that were invariably lost, because radio signals always got lost.
James would never forget the next time he saw her, the panic in her voice as she radioed for them to notify the Citadel. The way her hands shook as she stood at Kaidan’s bedside. James stood in the doorway, feet itching to go to her. James was not in love with Commander Shepard.