Chapter Text
Ye Shunguang was having serious trouble concentrating.
She scribbled away in her notebook, trying to record every last detail of her day.
One would assume her problems stemmed from her poor recollection, brought about by her blade. Yet, she could still recall the day's events with perfect clarity. No, her current troubles were caused by exhaustion.
The previous night, she had a rather poor sleep. She tossed and turned in her bed for hours, her heart fluttering for no apparent reason.
Yet, Xiao'Guang did not wish to succumb to sleep right now, lest her recollection fail her when she awakened. She forced herself to put every memory into her diary, even if the sentences were haphazard and the sequence of events was ignored.
Thankfully, sleep had yet to claim her when she was certain that every event had been put onto paper.
She stood up and lumbered over to her bed. She threw off her shoes and fell over onto the soft bedding. She did not even have the energy to slip under her blankets, and her eyes rolled back into her head almost immediately.
Xiao'Guang's eyes fluttered open.
The first thing she noticed was that her mind felt exceptionally clear—in the good way, thankfully.
However, this was quickly replaced by panic as she realized how dark and chilly it was.
Oh no, have I overslept!?
Yet, everything quickly felt even more wrong. The lights were all out, even though Xiao'Guang had left most of them on. And when she drew breath, it felt as though a cool, crisp autumn breeze had entered her room.
Did the power go out?
Xiao'Guang rubbed her eyes.
I swear, I feel like I just fell asleep...
When she opened her eyes again, she swore that she could see wisps of mist dancing across the floor.
Is this a dream? ...No, it feels to real to be a dream... Wait, is this another-
Xiao'Guang quickly sat up, determined to investigate—but was stopped from getting up when something grabbed her left shoulder.
"Where are you going?"
Ye Shunguang was startled by the sound of a voice—her own voice.
Xiao'Guang turned to her left, and laying beside her was her "other half." A near mirror image of Ye Shunguang, yet her hair and fur were white, and her spectral form almost appeared to glow in the dimly-lit room.
"I thought you wanted to rest?" the other "Ye Shunguang" asked.
"Is this a dream?" Xiao'Guang questioned in reply.
"Do you want to wake up?"
Xiao'Guang hesitated. Though the times where she was "confronting herself" like this were highly unpredictable, her instinctive urge to say "yes" was suppressed by a feeling she couldn't quite name.
"You need only to say 'yes,' and this illusion ends," the alter continued. "Though... you don't want it to, do you?"
"What do you want?" Xiao'Guang asked.
"I'm more interested in what you want," "Shunguang" replied. "Say, what was it that gave you trouble sleeping last night?"
Xiao'Guang was confused, much to the amusement of her other half.
"I... I don't know. I remember being stressed for no reason... maybe I forgot why I was stressed?"
Xiao'Guang tensed up a little, realizing she probably made a mistake mentioning her memory problems—this is usually where her conversations with the other "her" went south.
Yet, this conversation went somewhere entirely different.
"There's something we need to talk about," the alter said.
"What?"
"Your desire," "Shunguang" said with a confident smile.
Xiao'Guang began to panic. Usually, her other half was trying to talk her out of self-sacrifice. What did she mean by "her desire?" And why the hell did she seem so attractive when she was confident like this?
Um. What?
Xiao'Guang tried to ignore the fact that she just thought that. The two could feel each other's will, to an extent, and if she picked up on that...
Well, at the very least I'm happy enough with my body to the point where I'm willing to admit I'm attractive.
"Hmmm... What are you looking at?" "Shunguang" asked.
"What are you talking-"
Xiao'Guang stopped herself as she realized her gaze was focused on her other half's chest. She quickly blinked and refocused on eye contact.
"I'm sorry," she continued. "I'm just... I guess it's just because I'm finally proud of my own body. I'm just so happy to see the girl in the mirror that I easily get... carried away?"
"Oh really?" Her alter replied, seeming doubtful. "Please, I know what's really going on in that head of yours."
Xiao'Guang's heart skipped a beat as her other half sat up. "Shunguang" rested her head on her other half's shoulder.
"There's someone you're interested in, right?" She whispered.
What is she doing!?
Xiao'Guang began to pant.
"Heh... I've always known. From the moment you became proud of the girl you saw in the mirror... you've thought of me. A truly devious thought for such a proper lady... and you suppressed the idea. You choose not to write it down, you hope the blade claims those memories. But since I'm a collection of all you've suppressed... you've only been feeding me with those thoughts."
Xiao'Guang's own portion of her mind screamed at her to shut down the other half, to stop what seemed to be an attempt at seduction. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to speak the words.
"Do you know why I exist?" She continued. "It's because you want to care about yourself a little more... in more ways than one."
Xiao'Guang's heart began to thump, but there was some relief from the tension as "Shunguang" finally pulled away.
"Truthfully, I, too found the desire... unorthodox. But... you kept feeding me that thought. It started gnawing at me. Your... Your stubborn optimism, careless whimsy, persistence to a fault... it's infatuating. It drives me crazy. I want you... And it's because you want me too."
"We're... We're the same person!" Xiao'Guang yelled. "How would that even work!?"
"Shunguang" grabbed Xiao'Guang's hand.
"It works here," she said.
Xiao'Guang gulped.
Oh no, this is actually happening!
Quaking, Xiao'Guang subconsciously tightened her grip on her other half's hand.
"I..." Xiao'Guang tried to force the words out of her mouth. "I... I think about... you... and me... a lot. I think about what it would be like to..."
"Say it," "Shunguang" demanded, moving towards Xiao'Guang. "Why hide it? Those dirty thoughts have already become a part of me."
"I... I think about that confident face of yours... looking down on me... I think about you driving me crazy with your touch... fuck!"
"Shunguang" smiled, relishing in her victory. The long-suppressed dirty thoughts, finally unrestrained, broke free and swirled in Xiao'Guang's mind, causing her chest to ache in anxiety and arousal.
"Lie back down," her other half commanded.
Xiao'Guang complied, slowly lying back down as her other half approached and hovered over her. Her clothes became tight as she began to sweat.
Her other half let out some mischievous laughter, and Xiao'Guang was hopelessly turned on by the confidence. Her other half couldn't succeed in convincing Xiao'Guang to lay down the blade... but it seemed she achieved absolute victory somewhere else.
"Shunguang" laid herself on top of a panting Xiao'Guang, and rested her head just above her chest.
"I'm going to give you one last opportunity to back out," the alter said. "If you don't think you can handle this, the illusion can end here. But if you want me to continue..."
"Yes! I... Continue..."
I can't believe I'm actually doing this!
Shame burned hot in the back of Xiao'Guang's mind, but her arousal burned even hotter.
Her other half smirked one final time before claiming her prize. She wrapped her hands around Xiao'Guang—her right hand behind her head, her left hand behind her bare back—and pulled herself down for a kiss.
Having trained in isolation for much of her life, Xiao'Guang had never before experienced this much physical touch, especially not with such fervor, and neither had her other half. She was sloppy, mindlessly indulging in the desires that had been fed to her. Xiao'Guang's senses were quickly overwhelmed by the activity. Her thoughts turned to mush and her nerves were set alight as she fervently kissed... herself.
Despite the presumed lack of need for air in such a headspace, Shunguang instinctively pulled back to draw in a deep breath.
"You don't need to do that," "Shunguang" said.
Subconsciously, Xiao'Guang let out a whimper, further fueling her other half's lust.
Oh no.
Her other half let out a giggle before again pulling her back into a kiss. The feeling of their bodies meshing together was unfamiliar, yet exhilarating. Xiao'Guang couldn't help but stir like an excited animal. The throbbing of her nether regions warned her of impending erection.
Without the space to pull back, Xiao'Guang resorted to pushing her alter's face away.
"Oh?" "Shunguang" said. "What's wrong?"
"I'm... If we keep this up... I'm gonna get hard..." Xiao'Guang eeked out her words between labored breaths.
"...Do you want me to touch you?" "Shunguang" asked.
"Ugh... Please..." Xiao'Guang groaned without much thought.
"Shunguang" leaned back in, and began to undo the many buttons that held together Xiao'Guang's bodysuit. Xiao'Guang's body tensed as "Shunguang's" arms brushed over places nobody else had touched since she transitioned... nobody but herself. "Shunguang" undid the buttons just above Xiao'Guang's chest, and her arm brushed against the newly-exposed breast as she pulled it down. Xiao'Guang's body tensed as "Shunguang" undid the button just above her tail. The touch was intoxicating, driving Xiao'Guang to understand why her other half was so desperate.
Finally, "Shunguang" pulled off the bodysuit completely, revealing one of the more... exotic features she bore as a Tenghuang thiren, a monster that her hormones could hardly contain. Even flaccid, her monster of a length rivaled that of an erect human. It was already beginning to become erect and break free from its sheath, and would soon balloon to nearly three times this size if the tryst continued.
Xiao'Guang averted her eyes in shame.
"Fuck," "Shunguang" muttered. "You're... we're so pretty."
"Shunguang" lowered her head to a shivering Xiao'Guang's thigh and gave it a kiss, before coming back up to rest her head between Xiao'Guang's breasts. The brief friction between Xiao'Guang's cock and her alter's clothes caused it to twitch. "Shunguang's" left hand slid across Xiao'Guang's abs before reaching for Xiao'Guang's breast.
Beads of sweat began to form on Xiao'Guang's body, and her nipples puffed up. She was already being driven mad from the touch. Xiao'Guang let out something akin to a fox's whine as she instinctively bucked her hips against her other half, desperate to relieve her pent-up desire through friction.
"Oh? Desperate already?" The alter remarked. "How improper..."
"P-Please... More..."
Xiao'Guang squirmed as she became desperate for more sensation. Her shame no longer held any power over her.
A confident "Shunguang" sat up in Xiao'Guang's lap. Her body... no, just her clothes, began to glow even brighter. The clothes evaporated into mist, revealing "Shunguang's" bare body as it cleared. Xiao'Guang couldn't help but stare as "Shunguang" presented herself. "Shunguang's" own length was still sheathed, but it likely wouldn't be for much longer.
Then, "Shunguang" made her move. She laid back down on top of Xiao'Guang and embraced her tightly before pulling her in for another passionate kiss. Their grinding of their two bodies (or would it count as only one body?) together was unlike anything Xiao'Guang had ever felt before, and it set her nerves alight with pleasure. The desire pent up within her length was finally able to manifest as a full erection as there was finally friction between their bodies. The cock throbbed and began to leak as it rapidly approached its full size, quickly growing past her navel.
At the same time, "Shunguang's" length began to grow out of its sheath as well. The more composed alter kept it hidden much better than Xiao'Guang could, but she, too, was beginning to go mad from intoxicating touch.
Xiao'Guang's hands wandered across her other half, exploring her own body in a way she never thought she would be able to. Her right hand felt "Shunguang's" back muscles as her left hand squeezed the alter close.
Perhaps this was the closest the two personalities would get to becoming one. As Xiao'Guang felt the first warning signs of an approaching peak, she could no longer be sure where her body ended and where her other half began.
"I'm... I'm gonna cum soon," Xiao'Guang managed to say.
Then, suddenly, the exhilarating sensations came to an abrupt stop as "Shunguang" sat up, panting. Her expression had shifted from its usual confident, seductive demeanor to a hungry, determined glare.
"Why did you..."
"I... I want us to cum together," "Shunguang" said. "Let me catch up."
Xiao'Guang looked at her length. The throbbing monster was well over half a meter long, drenched in the fluids of her arousal. "Shunguang's" erection hadn't quite reached this full length yet.
"Shunguang" smeared her length in precum, and then tightly gripped the base of the shaft. She pumped rapidly and clenched her eyes shut. Unsatisfied, she started to grip at her own breasts. She began to pant, and then whimper as she caught up with Xiao'Guang.
The sight of "Shunguang" chasing her desire was so attractive that it provided some arousal in lieu of friction for Xiao'Guang. The prelude to her peak built up in her cock and her lower body, and she had to close her eyes lest she cum from the sight alone, though those noises of the once-composed "Shunguang" falling apart still brought her worryingly close. Her cock throbbed again as it demanded friction. Selfishly and without thinking, Xiao'Guang raised an arm with the intention of rubbing herself off.
"No touching," "Shunguang" demanded.
Frightened, Xiao'Guang let her arm fall back to her side.
After another minute or so of holding back her peak, Xiao'Guang heard "Shunguang's" panting slow.
"I'm ready," the alter said.
Xiao'Guang opened her eyes. "Shunguang" hovered over her, her length now just as long and wet as Xiao'Guang's.
"Shunguang" laid herself back on top of her other half, and she pressed their two lengths together. She gripped them both together with one hand as the other went behind Xiao'Guang.
"Ready?" "Shunguang" asked.
Xiao'Guang could only manage a nod.
"Shunguang" took a deep breath, before rapidly pumping both cocks.
The tension of impending release rapidly swelled within Xiao'Guang's body. Her pants intensified into moans and whines, and she could not prevent herself from squirming.
In less than a minute, release finally arrived for them both.
In nearly the same instant, both halves of "Ye Shunguang" reached their peak. The erections throbbed over and over with increasing intensity and pressure, until finally releasing their loads. Rope after rope of thick, warm, and sticky cum were launched with a force so powerful, some drops were shot up past their faces.
Xiao'Guang tensed up before going completely limp, and "Shunguang" could only barely keep pumping through as they both quivered from the euphoria and their cocks were set alight with pleasure. Their bodies, coated in their sticky release, felt like they melded together. Muffled screams, whimpers, and moans came from them both as they were gripped by what was probably the best orgasm the both of them ever had, a release so good that neither of them could tell how long it lasted.
Eventually, the bliss of release became relief as their bodies relaxed and the last of their loads were spent. Exhausted, "Shunguang" collapsed on top of Xiao'Guang.
"Ugghh," Xiao'Guang moaned. "How can I be so exhausted in a dream?"
Xiao'Guang looked down at herself. "Shunguang" still lay on top of her, catching her breath. Both of their bodies were coated in cum, some still dripping and leaking from their lengths.
Then, the reality of what just happened gripped Xiao'Guang.
Oh. I just... did that. To myself. I... I literally just fucked myself. What have I done!?
The two took some time to gasp for some much-needed air, though neither of them really needed it in a dreamscape.
"Shunguang" regained the energy to look back up at Xiao'Guang, returning to her usual confident smile, though much sleepier than usual.
"How did it feel?" She asked.
Xiao'Guang dare not say it, but "Shunguang" knew the answer anyways:
That felt really good.
"So," she continued, "Is an experience like that... worth living for?"
"So there's your angle," Xiao'Guang replied.
Of course, this was just another way her other half was trying to get her to abandon her duties, and nothing else. Totally.
"If you go, I go too. Surely, you could never bring yourself to harm someone so dear to you."
Xiao'Guang continued drawing labored breaths as she tried to formulate a response.
"I... I can't abandon my duty..." She ultimately resolved.
"You hesitated," "Shunguang" immediately replied. "Seems like I'm making progress. Perhaps a few more times of doing this will be enough to convince you to... love yourself a little more?"
"A few more... times?"
Though Xiao'Guang seemed surprised by the suggestion, her mind had already decided: "I want that."
The thought, too embarrassing to bear, was dismissed... and immediately became a part of "Shunguang," who smiled.
"Shunguang's" left hand slowly wandered over to Xiao'Guang's shoulder, and she pulled herself to her ear. Then, she whispered a simple command.
"Wake up."
Ye Shunguang awoke with a gasp and a yelp.
Her first instinct was to gasp for a few mouthfuls of real air as her vision gradually returned to her.
It didn't take long at all for her to realize how sticky she was.
Oh no.
Xiao'Guang looked down at her body. Her bodysuit up to her neck was soaked in sticky release, and a bulge from a length that was only now beginning to soften stretched from her crotch to just beneath her breasts.
Then, recollection hit her, and she gasped again.
That... actually happened?
Xiao'Guang played the scenes over and over again in her mind. She always had trouble remembering dreams, but encounters with her other half...
Did those even count as dreams? It felt more akin to something between a dream and reality, something that took place within some inner realm of hers. But this one... Did that actually happen?
When she searched within herself for the will of her other half, the sort of... pride that she felt only verified her suspicion.
I... I actually did that...
Xiao'Guang was gripped by a myriad of emotions: confusion, shock, and white-hot shame among them, but deepest among them all was desire. The desire to do it again.
After a few moments of processing, she arrived at an unexpected resolve: She could never forget this.
Without even bothering to change clothes or check the time, Xiao'Guang stumbled out of bed and towards her desk. She sat down and shuffled through her journal, looking for the first available page.
I can't forget this. I cannot forget this.
A blank page appeared in front of her. She reached for a pencil, and started writing every last detail of her experience.