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1.
It’s a Wednesday morning and there is nothing out of the ordinary. At least, nothing that Abby notices.
Patty works in her area of the first floor. Erin works in hers. Holtzmann is working upstairs.
Everything is perfectly normal.
Erin smiles a lot. Abby notices that. But she thinks nothing of it.
Holtzmann comes downstairs for a moment. She goes to Erin. They talk briefly. Holtzmann doesn’t openly flirt or make any sort of big display. It’s different, but it isn’t abnormal. Holtzmann touches Erin’s arm. They smile at each other. Holtzmann goes back upstairs. Abby doesn’t think twice.
It’s a Wednesday morning and there is nothing out of the ordinary.
At least, nothing that Abby notices.
3.
“Okay. I mean. Seriously? All of the layers? Is this really necessary? It’s June, Holtz. Summer. And all of these layers. They’re so-- so--”
“Oh, you want to talk about unnecessary layers, Miss Pantyhose? If we’re talking about unnecessary layers, I’d like to take a moment to discuss pantyhose. Now, those don’t make any sense at all. Tights? Okay. I can understand a good pair of tights. But pantyhose… you can’t even see them. What is their purpose? Do they have a purpose?”
“They’re… they’re… ow! Ow ! Holtz, ouch!”
“ What?! I haven’t even--”
“Zipper! My zipper! My zipper is caught on my skin!”
“Oh, whoops, sorry, sorry.”
“Come on, we only have a little while before they’re back!”
“I know, I’m trying, if you would just--”
“If I would just? You’re the one wearing the most impossible outfit of all time!”
“Yeah, but I look damn good in it, don’t I?”
“Admittedly, yes, but it isn’t really doing us any favours at the moment, is it?”
“Well, that depends. Because I like to think that I finally wore you down into sleeping with me with a combination of my wit and humor, constant flirting and dance moves, as well as my impeccable taste in--”
“Holtz.”
“Yes?”
“I don’t seem to remember you talking this much the first time we did this.”
“Well, no. But the first time was kind of a heat-of-the-moment sort of situation, wasn’t it? And h’oh boy , was it heated. Right? It was really hot, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. Yes. It was. It was… really, really hot. And you were wearing significantly less clothing to start with.”
“It was like, five in the morning, I was in my pajamas, so yeah, I was wearing significantly less clothing. And you weren’t wearing pantyhose.”
“Can we please just…”
“Just what?”
“ You know.”
“Mm. Nope. I don’t know. I’m gonna need you to say it.”
“Holtz.”
“Erin.”
“Can we…”
“Yes?”
“Can you please just fuck me?!”
Holtz lets out a loud, over-exaggerated shaky breath, grasping at the wall for support.
“Say it again.”
“Holtz!”
“I’m sorry, it’s just, I don’t think I’ve ever even heard you use that word before, and to hear it in that context, ohhh ,” she shudders. Erin rolls her eyes, but can’t seem to keep herself from smiling. She grabs Holtz by her unbuttoned vest, pulling her close to her, but at the very same time, there’s a voice calling from downstairs.
“Food’s here!”
Holtz throws her hands in the air, stepping away from Erin. Erin groans.
“Okay, it’s fine, we’ll just…,” Holtz trails off.
“Just… come over to my place tonight, okay?” Erin says, hastily doing the buttons up on her blouse.Holtz raises her eyebrows.
“Come over to your place? Tonight?” she repeats.
“Yeah. Is that okay?” she asks, glancing up at her.
“Yes. Yeah. Of course. It’s just… you know… me. Coming over to your place. Tonight. For sex things. It’s like...we’re...a thing ,” she smiles.
“Well…,” Erin returns the smile. “We are something .”
Holtz kisses Erin hard on the mouth, then nudges her towards the door.
“You go out first. I’ll follow in a couple minutes.”
“Yeah. Okay,” she agrees.
4.
Holtz is staring at Erin. Erin can see it, out of the corner of her eye, and she can also feel it. Holtz’s eyes are focused right on her, and they haven’t left her in the three or so minutes since she first noticed. Erin had been sleeping, but she woke up, noticed Holtz staring at her, said nothing, and tried to go back to sleep. It’s the middle of the night, after all. But all she can feel is Holtz staring at her.
Finally, she turns, facing her, and Holtz has her head propped up, resting her elbow on the pillow, looking down at Erin, and she smiles.
“Hi,” Holtz says.
“Have you been awake this whole time?” Erin asks her.
“No.”
“You’re staring at me.”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re next to me in a bed and I can hardly believe my eyes and I just really like looking at you.”
“Okay,” Erin says, and she smiles. “And how long have you been staring at me?”
“Ever since you farted in your sleep and woke me up.”
“What?! I--” Erin stammers, feeling her face grow warm, but Holtz laughs, and shakes her head.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” she laughs, and then drops her head onto the pillow, cuddling up closer to Erin, despite Erin’s attempts to shove her away.
“That is not funny,” she grumbles.
“It is, though,” Holtz insists. “And it would be okay, you know? If you farted. You can fart in front of me if you want to.”
“Please stop talking about farting,” Erin says, finally allowing Holtz to nuzzle into her neck.
“Okay,” Holtz agrees. “Hey, question.”
“What?”
“What is the thread count on these sheets, because they are magnificent.”
“Um… Fifteen hundred, I think,” Erin mumbles. She doesn’t just think . She knows .
“Wow. Mine are like, three hundred,” Holtz comments. “Also, another question.”
“What?”
“Are you sure you’ve never been with another woman before?”
“Uh, yep. Pretty sure. I think I’d remember it if I had.”
“But like, are you really, really sure?” she asks, lifting her head again, peering down at Erin. “Because… what you did… to me… earlier. That… was…. Erin. Erin. That was awesome.”
“Oh, did you enjoy it? I couldn’t tell,” she teases. Holtz laughs, pressing a kiss to Erin’s lips.
“I’m not convinced that you’ve never been with another woman, though. I’m not,” she says. “Because if I didn’t know any better, I would guess that I was maybe your second or third. You know, it took a little while, but once you got there… oh , you got there.”
“Trust me, I haven’t,” Erin smiles. “You seem to be forgetting that I have dedicated most of my life to science… I’ve become very good at doing research, you know.”
“Research?” Holtz raises her eyebrows. Erin nods against the pillow.
“Lots of research.”
“What kind of research?”
“Oh, you know,” Erin shrugs, being painfully vague on purpose, enjoying the look on Holtz’s face.
“Are we talking… literature? Images?” A deep breath. “Video?”
“Multimedia,” Erin says simply.
“Uh-huh, uh-huh,” Holtz nods. “Do you care to tell me some of your findings?”
“Well. My early research led me to inconclusive results. I found the source material to be, ah… biased. It swayed too much towards a certain view for it to be of much use to me.”
“Mmhm.”
“However, after consulting with certain search engines, I found a few… libraries …. And although they did require some monetary sacrifice, I found that the data was well worth the payment.”
“Uh- huh ,” Holtz sounds almost pained, and Erin can only barely keep the smirk from her face.
“I also discovered a direct correlation between fingernail length and the validity of certain content,” she says. Holtz grabs for her hand, pulling it towards her face, and she smiles.
“Clipped and filed,” she states.
“I’ve always been an excellent study,” Erin says.
“I would love to look at some of your research sources with you,” Holtz says breathlessly, still holding onto Erin’s hand.
“Well, a second opinion from an expert has never hurt,” she says with a smile.
“You are so hot right now,” Holtz says. “I’m gonna start making out with your face in five, four--”
“Holtz, it’s like, four in the morning!”
“Three! Two! One!” she shouts over her.
“Okay, fine,” Erin sighs.
Holtz kisses her.
6.
Patty is very rarely the last one at the firehouse. It’s usually Holtzmann -- Patty has the suspicion that she might actually be living upstairs, but it’s nothing she’s been able to prove. It’s a rare occasion when Patty is the last one there. But she was deep in a history book and couldn’t move until she finished the thing.
So when she goes upstairs and finds the lab empty, she’s mildly surprised that Holtz is absent.
She figures that she will head home when she hears a buzzing noise coming from Holtz’s lab.
“Oh, hell no, I am not about to die in an explosion up here,” she shakes her head, turning, ready to run, but as she turns, she sees the source of the noise.
A cell phone is lying on the surface of the table, buzzing furiously. Patty picks it up. She knows that it belongs to Holtz because of the fact that it is in her lab, as well as the giant crack across the screen.
Holtz is receiving a call from somebody saved as “Boo” with a ghost emoji beside the name.
Patty’s curiosity is piqued.
“Boo?” she says out loud to the empty room. “Boo, as in… boo? Holtzy has a boo?”
The buzzing stops and the call is missed, and Patty still holds the cell phone in her hand. She swipes her thumb across the screen. No passcode required.
“Don’t do it, Patty,” she mumbles to herself. “Do not snoop. You know better than to be snooping. Nothing good has ever come from snooping. Don’t do it….”
But even as she’s saying it, she’s opening Holtz’s text messages, finding “Boo” right at the top.
The last message is one that Holtz had sent.
Leaving in 10. Be there in 30.
She looks at the one before it, sent from the mysterious Boo.
Come over when you’re done.
Patty laughs to herself.
“Holtzy’s gettin’ some tonight,” she says. She scrolls up, past several messages, bored by the tameness of them. “Oh, here we go.”
She settles herself down into a chair.
Sent. I can’t stop thinking about you.
“Aw!”
Received. I’m sitting right in front of you.
Sent. I still can’t stop thinking about you.
Sent. Maybe I should be more specific.
Sent. I can’t stop thinking about you naked.
Patty cackles.
Received. What are you doing?
Sent: I believe the kids refer to it as “sexting”
Received. Ok well please stop “sexting” me when you are sitting across the table from me
Sent. But why? You know how much I enjoy watching you get all sweaty like that
“Jesus, Holtzy,” Patty shakes her head.
Received. Yeah. That’s exactly why.
Sent. Okay FINE. But answer me one thing: when can I see you again?
Sent. Wait. Let me be more specific.
Sent. When can I see you NAKED again?
“Oh my god, oh my god!” Patty laughs loudly. “This is so good!”
Received. Seriously?
Received. Pretty presumptuous, thinking it’s gonna happen again.
“Yes, girl,” Patty exclaims, and she’s stomping her feet on the ground, far too invested. “Knock her down a few pegs!
Sent. Look at me.
Received. Stop making that face.
Received. Stop it.
Received. Tonight. Same place.
Sent. Now that’s what I like to hear.
Received. You need to stop texting me. Patty keeps trying to look at my phone.
“Yeah, I do do that, don’t I?” Patty chuckles to herself, but then she pauses, realization hitting her. “Wait. I was looking at Boo’s phone? Do I know Boo?!”
She contemplates for a moment, confused, and looks at when the messages were sent. The previous Wednesday, around seven in the evening.
The previous Wednesday, around seven, she had been out to eat with the other three. That Mexican place. She’d had tacos, and they were excellent. She pictures it clearly. They had been sitting in a booth. Abby was directly across from her, Holtzmann was beside Abby. And Patty was sitting next to--
She gasps, throwing Holtz’s cell phone down.
“ No ! No, no, no, no! No! Patty! What have you done?! What have you done, Patty?! You did not need to know this information!”
She looks around the room. She’s alone. But she needs to tell somebody. She can’t keep this to herself. But she has to keep it to herself.
“I told you not to snoop!” she yells at herself. “I told you! Nothing good comes from snooping! Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god!”
She pauses, allowing herself to breathe, collecting herself, calming herself. She thinks that maybe she’s jumping to conclusions. Maybe it isn’t Erin. True, Holtz has been openly flirting with Erin since the day Patty met them, but she figured that that’s just who Holtz is, and maybe she enjoyed watching Erin squirm. She cringes at her thought-process word choice. She doesn’t want to think about Erin squirming.
Patty takes out her own cell phone. She finds Erin’s number. She grab’s Holtz’s phone again, finding Boo’s number, comparing the two.
They’re the same.
“This is what you get for being a snoop,” she sighs, shaking her head. She sets Holtz’s phone down exactly where she found it. She stands there a moment, her brain still trying to process far too much new information.
She slowly begins to walk downstairs.
Erin. She can hardly believe it. She wonders if maybe she shouldn’t be as surprised as she is. Maybe it’s just the shock of finding out. Because when she actually thinks about it, it almost makes sense.
Either way, she knows something that she shouldn’t know, and she can’t tell anybody at all. She curses herself again for being a snoop.
She’s so deep in thought that she doesn’t even hear the front door opening, doesn’t even notice Holtz until she’s speaking.
“Patty! You’re still here?”
She lets out a noise of surprise, but Holtz just tilts her head slightly, and then straightens back up, not questioning it.
“Yep! Yep. You know, just reading,” she smiles.
“Okay,” Holtz says.
“And what… are you… doing here?”
“I was halfway home before I realized I left my phone!” she explains casually. So casually. So easily. And then she bounds up the stairs. Patty watches her go. She’s only gone for a few second before she’s coming back down, her phone in her hand.
“You must have left in a big rush to forget your phone,” Patty comments.
“I guess,” Holtz shrugs.
“You gettin’ up to anything tonight?”
“Nah. Just going home,” she says. Patty nods.
“Cool, cool.”
“Well. See you tomorrow!”
“See you tomorrow,” Patty agrees, watching as Holtz leaves the firehouse. “You dirty, dirty liar.”
9.
“Okay…. What are you showing me?”
“Sweet, sweet Erin,” Holtz says. “The mysteries of the universe do not unveil themselves at your simple command.”
“You called me up here, and Abby and Patty are downstairs, and this isn’t suspicious at all,” Erin says, crossing her arms over her chest, waiting for an explanation, and Holtz can only grin because it’s all just going so perfectly.
“Alright. Take a look up here,” Holtz says, gently steering Erin towards the doorway of her makeshift firehouse bedroom, pointing towards a new contraption set up next to the door.
“What am I looking at? Those little lightbulbs?”
“Yes,” Holtz says, and then she moves quickly towards the doorway, poking her head out. “KEVIN! HEY, KEV, COME UP HERE FOR A SECOND.”
She glances back, and Erin’s eyebrows are furrowed together, and Holtz just smiles, waiting.
“Be right there, boss!” Kevin calls back from downstairs.
A lightbulb lights up yellow, a soft, gentle beeping emitting from the device. Holtz watches Erin’s face. A second lightbulb lights up orange, the beeping becomes louder and more frequent. Erin cocks her head. The third lightbulb lights up red, and the beeping has become one long beep. Holtz sticks her head out from the door once more.
“Nevermind, Kev!” she shouts.
“Alright, boss!” Kevin responds.
Holtz turns back to Erin, and she watches the information register, and she smiles, she can’t stop herself from smiling, almost smirking as Erin looks at her with an amazed expression.
“Is that… Does that…?” she stammers. Holtz nods.
“First light is for when someone is on the first step. Second is the middle of the stairs--”
“The third is when they’re up here?” Erin finishes.
“Exactly.”
“You-- you… you made --”
“It was nothin’,” Holtz waves her hand, dismissing it. “Do you want to make out?”
“Absolutely.”
12.
Erin stands in the doorway, looking into Holtz’s room. She’s quiet. Holtz hasn’t noticed her yet. She’s not sure if Holtz even knows that she’s in the firehouse. She’d been out with Abby. She knew that Holtz would still be here, so instead of going home, she came here. She had learned exactly where the sensors that Holtz had put along the staircase were, so she made sure to hop over them, wanting her entrance to be silent. And she’s so glad that it was.
Holtz is sitting on the floor, in front of the mirror propped against the wall, and she’s just in her bra and underwear, and a pair of rubber gloves as she intently brushes a purple substance onto the roots of her hair. Her bottom lip is pulled between her teeth as she reaches towards the back of her head.
It’s nothing, really. It’s just Holtz bleaching her roots, and yet the sight of it makes Erin’s heart pound in her chest. She wants to stand there and watch her forever. It’s nothing. It’s simple. Mundane, almost. But it’s the quiet concentration, the simplicity of the task, the very idea that Holtz takes time from her life to bleach her hair, watching her do it.
Erin knows that Holtz bleaches her hair. She’s seen her darker roots grow in and then seen them disappear to blonde. She knows that she does it, but seeing it happen is something else. Everything about Holtz seems so effortless. She gives off that air. And yet, it’s all so calculated. She bleaches her hair. She styles her hair. She wears makeup sometimes. Her outfits are meticulously planned and put together. It seems so effortless, like she just throws herself together, but Erin knows better. And she finds it incredibly attractive.
“Do you need some help?” she asks softly. Holtz turns, looks at her, smiles.
“If you’re offering, I’ll take it,” she says. “The back is always kind of hard to reach.”
Erin moves closer, spotting the box of rubber gloves on the floor beside Holtz. She grabs for a pair and pulls them on, and Holtz hands her the dye brush. Erin locks eyes with Holtz’s reflection in the mirror. She smiles.
14.
Holtz and Erin keep looking at each other. Abby notices. They’re on opposite sides of the room, and they keep looking at each other, and it’s all so obvious, and Abby thinks that it’s absolutely ridiculous. Holtz goes upstairs. Not even a full minute passes before Erin follows. Abby rolls her eyes.
“Hey, Ab,” Patty says, sitting down beside her. “Have you noticed--”
“They’re fucking,” Abby supplies. “Probably at this exact moment as I speak, they are probably fucking.”
“Oh.”
“Was that not what you were coming to talk about?”
“It was, actually,” Patty nods. “So, you know, too? Oh, thank god .”
Loud music plays above them. They both glance up, and then at each other.
“Seriously?” Patty shakes her head.
“It’s like they are trying too hard and also not trying at all at the exact same time!” Abby exclaims.
“Right?!” Patty agrees. “I haven’t even seen Holtzy flirt with Erin in like, two weeks. She used to flirt with her all day, every day, and then it just stopped, and that’s mad suspicious and I don’t even think she realizes it.”
“And Erin has been significantly less uptight than usual,” Abby adds. “Yesterday, I saw her spill coffee on her shirt, and she laughed about it. Also, she spilled the coffee because she was busy staring at Holtzmann’s ass.”
“Yeah, now that you mention it, she has been a lot more easygoing lately….”
“How long do you think it’s been going on? My guess is a couple of weeks, but I don’t know.”
“I think that’s about right,” Patty nods. “They started getting real close when Erin’s mom died… I guess it turned into something more.”
“I wonder how long they’re going to try and keep it a secret,” Abby says. Patty shrugs her response.
“How do you feel about it?” Patty asks her. “Them, being together?”
“Are you asking me how I feel about it as their friend, or as their colleague?” Abby asks. Patty considers it for a moment.
“Their friend.”
“As their friend, I think… that… it could potentially be a really good thing. I love them both very much and I like to see them happy. And Erin seems relatively happy for the first time in a while. And Holtz, she’s… well, she’s a little harder to read, but….”
“She spends less time here. I’ve noticed that. I don’t know if you have,” Patty says. “She actually leaves the place. I get the feeling that she’s sleeping more, too. And like, eating like an almost-regular person.”
“Yeah,” Abby nods. “It’s kind of an odd pairing, those two, but… I think… it’s beneficial for both of them.”
“I think so, too,” Patty agrees. “Now, how about as their colleague? How do you feel about it then?”
“That’s where I worry!” Abby admits. “Because what if it doesn’t work out? It could ruin everything!”
“You think they’d let it?”
“I don’t know!”
“Here’s what I think. I think they are adults who, for the most part, know what they have gotten themselves into. We know that Holtzy can be a little bit impulsive, but Erin… I don’t know if the girl does anything without first making herself a pros and cons list.”
“That’s true, she doesn’t,” Abby says.
“I think that they know what they’re doing and they can handle...whatever happens,” Patty says.
“Maybe you’re right,” Abby nods. She smiles. “They are kind of cute together, aren’t they?”
“They kind of are.”
“Should we just tell them that we know?” Abby asks.
“I don’t think so, baby. I think it’s gotta come from them when they’re ready to tell us.”
“Or when one of us catches them in the act,” Abby scoffs.
“That better not be me!”
When Erin comes downstairs twenty minutes later, her hair sticking up in places and her face still gleaming with traces of sweat, she immediately goes back to doing exactly what she was doing before she left. She doesn’t say anything or even attempt to excuse her absence. Patty glances at Abby. Abby throws her pen in the air and Patty just shakes her head.
15.
“I have something for you.”
“Just a second,” Erin mumbles, not glancing up from her laptop, and then hits a few buttons on the keyboard, and then looks up at Holtz. “What?”
With a grand gesture, Holtz brandishes from behind her back, a small flag with horizontal stripes of pink, purple, and blue. She is very proud of it and grins widely, holding it out towards Erin. Erin stares at it blankly, and then looks up at Holtz.
“Um,” she mumbles. “It’s a flag?”
“Yes,” she nods, waving it while moving it closer to her face. Erin still looks confused. Holtz sighs. “It’s a bisexual pride flag.”
“Oh!” Erin smiles. “I… why?”
“Be cause . I saw it and thought of you. Pride is this weekend, you know. They’re selling stuff like this on every corner. And as you are now a person who sleeps with men and women, I thought you might like it.”
“Oh. I. Thank you,” Erin says politely, and finally takes the flag from her hand. Holtz has the sinking feeling that maybe Erin doesn’t like it at all, maybe she overstepped some sort of boundary.
“I’m sorry,” she immediately says, because she isn’t sure what else to say.
“Sorry for what?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I...shouldn’t have gotten that for you,” she says with a casual shrug, and she is trying very hard to be very casual. She thinks it’s working.
“Oh, no!” Erin shakes her head. “It’s not… No. It’s fine. I… I like it!”
“ But …?” Holtz urges her on. Erin smiles, her nose scrunching just slightly.
“It’s just…,” she mumbles, and then lets out a nervous laugh. “Bisexual! That’s… that’s a… That’s a...title!”
“A title that you’re uncomfortable with,” Holtz says.
“I don’t know,” Erin admits. “I mean, I guess it’s just… it’s new? It is technically accurate, though. I… I don’t know.”
“That’s okay. You don’t have to know,” Holtz tells her with an encouraging smile.
“I do like it,” Erin says, gesturing to the flag. “I didn’t know the bisexual colours were so pretty.”
“Almost as pretty as my favourite maybe-bisexual.”
Erin laughs.
“I also have a… question...for you,” Holtz says, shoving her hands into the pockets of her pants, glancing down. “A uh, proposition, of sorts.”
“Okay,” Erin says.
“Would you, um,” Holtz begins, shifting her weight from foot to foot nervously. “Do you want. Uh. Can I take you out some time? Like, a date? Do you want to go on a date with me?”
She doesn’t look at Erin. She can’t bring herself to.
“Yeah,” Erin responds, her voice soft and gentle. “I would like that a lot.”
Holtz smiles, finally looking up at her.
“Okay. Okay, cool. Great,” she says.
“Were you nervous to ask me on a date?” Erin asks with a tilt of her head. Holtz laughs.
“Nah,” she lies, shaking her head. She can tell that Erin sees right through her.
“We’ve been sleeping together for two weeks now. You keep a toothbrush at my apartment.”
Holtz just shrugs, beginning to walk backwards, away from Erin.
“But that’s just sex and oral hygiene. A date’s a date,” she grins.
16.
The date is fine. It’s nice. It’s very nice, actually. In fact, it’s easily the best date that Erin has been on in years. Possibly ever. She hasn’t been on that many dates.
It’s simple. Dinner at a restaurant in Chelsea, and then a walk along the High Line. It’s easy. That’s what strikes Erin the most. How easy it is. It almost doesn’t even feel like a date. Every other date she can remember has been nerves and awkward fumbling and dull conversations and long stretches of uncomfortable silence. But this…. She feels like she’s just hanging out with a friend. A friend that she is so very attracted to, whose smile makes her stomach do a swoopy thing, whose hand she enjoys holding, who she can’t wait to kiss again.
She never realized that dating could be this easy.
“Have you noticed that our arms are the perfect length for hand-holding?” Holtz asks her, smiling at her.
“They are?”
“Yep. Have you ever tried to hold hands with someone whose hands are way up here, and yours are way down here? Lots of reaching. Not very comfortable. Our hands line up. Like they’re meant to be holding each other,” she explains rather quickly.
“Huh,” Erin smiles. “Good to know.”
17.
“Why are you making out behind a dumpster?”
The two women spring apart, flustered, surprised, turning with wide eyes.
“Benny!”
“What are you--?!”
“Delivery,” he states simply, holding up the brown paper bag. “Why don’t you make out inside? Of this place? And not behind a dumpster?”
“Oh, well, you see, it’s, it’s, um… it just, well…”
“I think what Erin is trying to say,” the blonde one -- Benny can never keep their names straight -- interjects. “Is that, um, see, we were… out here...and…”
“Okay, I don’t really care,” he says, turning towards the front door of the firehouse.
“Wait!”
“What?”
“Don’t tell anyone what you saw. Okay?”
“Why not?”
“Because nobody else knows.”
“Knows what?”
“That we’re… making out behind dumpsters.”
“Haven’t you two been lesbians together for like, ever?” he asks. “Or was that you and the other one?”
“What?”
“...Which other one are you referring to?”
“Either way, the answer is no -- isn’t it?!”
“Mmmmaybe.”
“Holtz!”
“I’m joking! Oh my god, I’m joking.”
“Okay, bye,” Benny says, and then leaves them to deliver the paper bag of soup.
18.
Holtz finds herself staring out the window. She’s staring out the window, music playing in the background, and she had come to her lab early in the morning, an idea having struck her in the middle of the night, but she’s staring out the window. Also, she’s high, but that’s irrelevant. She’s staring out the window and she’s watching the birds and she’s smiling a lot.
It’s a Saturday and the firehouse is empty. Kevin should be there to answer the phones, but he isn’t.
She’d let Erin sleep in, scrawling a note, telling her where she’d gone. She’d found some of her clothes -- freshly laundered and folded in a spare drawer in Erin’s dresser, and she came here.
She hears the soft beeping noise from the room in the corner. The firehouse isn’t so empty, after all. She turns slowly to see Patty coming up the stairs.
“Hi, Patty,” she smiles.
“It smells like weed up here,” she comments. Holtz just smiles wider. “I came to drop off some books I just bought. Heard your music. What are you doing here?”
“I had some ideas,” she says. “But I got distracted.”
“By the weed that you smoked?”
“Do you want some?”
“I’m good,” she shakes her head.
“I’m in love with Erin,” Holtz says. The words feel so good, coming out of her mouth. They’ve been lingering for so long in her mind, just on the tip of her tongue, and now she’s saying them, and it’s wonderful.
“Oh,” Patty says, raising her eyebrows.
“I’m not just saying that because I’m high,” Holtz clarifies. “I am high, but I’m not saying it because I’m high.”
“Okay,” she nods. “Um. So. You...and Erin. You are…?”
“In love with her,” she says, and then she grins. “I’m in love with her. I think I’ve been in love with her since I met her. Since before I met her. I don’t know. But I’m in love with her, and I woke up in her bed, and I have a drawer, and a toothbrush, and it’s only been eighteen days since our first time together, but I have a drawer and a toothbrush and I’m in love with her, and I shouldn’t be telling you any of this because we haven’t discussed discussing what we are, but I’m in love with her and isn’t that just magnificent?”
“That’s… damn,” Patty mumbles.
“You’re not supposed to know any of this.”
“That’s okay. I can keep a secret,” Patty assures her, walking a few steps closer. “So… you’re in love with her, huh?”
“Very,” Holtz nods. “I was never going to make a move on her, you know? I was content to just be in her presence every day. I didn’t want to mess that up by making a move on her even though I liked her so much. I never thought that she… But then… She’s the one that kissed me .”
“ Erin made the first move?” Patty asks, and her apparent disbelief makes Holtz laugh. She laughs and nods, and she still can’t quite believe it, either.
“It was only eighteen days ago,” Holtz says, and she’s still laughing. “And I have a drawer and a toothbrush and I’m in love with her, but I’ve been in love with her forever, and….”
“Why are you guys keeping it a secret?”
“I don’t know,” Holtz admits with a shrug, and she laughs again. “We never actually talked about that. About keeping it a secret. I think we thought that we had to. I didn’t do a very good job at keeping it a secret, though, did I? Because I told you.”
“How much longer are you going to keep it secret?”
“It’s up to her. I don’t want to rush her.”
“Well,” Patty says. “Just so you know… I’m okay with it. And Abby’s… I think Abby will be okay with it, too. You seem really happy. Even when you’re not high.”
“I am really happy,” Holtz says.
“I won’t say a word about what you told me. I promise. But when you’re ready, I got you, baby.”
19.
Erin sways along to the music thumping around her. Holtz’s hand is on her back, and they move together. They are surrounded by other people. Erin can’t stop smiling. She’s having the best day. The best night. And Holtz is grinning at her, and they’re laughing, spinning, holding each other close.
Erin had agreed to go to the Pride parade because she had never been before, and Holtz had suggested it, said that it might be fun, and Erin didn’t have any other obligations, so she said yes. She has a feeling that maybe the suggestion to go had something to do with her reluctance to admit her bisexuality earlier that week. And if that was indeed Holtz’s plan… it worked.
They’re at a bar now, the Pride celebrations still in full force, and Erin is delightfully tipsy, surrounded by other women, focused on one woman in particular, and she can’t stop smiling because she is having the best day and the best night.
She’s always craved validation for everything she’s ever done. She knows that about herself. She has felt more valid today than almost any other time that she can remember.
“Another drink?” Holtz offers when the song changes, and Erin nods. Their hands clasp together and Holtz leads them out of the dance floor, towards the bar. It’s crowded and sweaty, and the area by the bar isn’t much better, but Erin finds a spot against the wall to wait while Holtz braves the bar to get their drinks.
“Hey, how are you?”
It takes a second for Erin to realize that the woman is speaking to her.
“Oh! Hi. Um. Good. I’m good,” she smiles politely. The woman is tall and butch with short brown hair and a nose ring, and she’s attractive. Erin recognizes that she is attractive.
“I’m Megan. What’s your name?”
“Erin. I’m Erin,” she says.
“Nice to meet you, Erin,” Megan says, holding out a hand, which Erin shakes. “Come here often?”
Erin has a sudden flashback of Holtz saying those same words to her and she can’t help but let a small laugh slip, and then she shakes her head.
“No,” she answers. “First time here.”
“Hey, me too!” Megan smiles. “I’m not usually into the bar scene, but my friends dragged me here. They are now all making out with people and I’m left all on my own.”
“Well, that’s rude!” Erin laughs.
“I think so, too!” Megan nods. “I couldn’t help but notice that you were also standing here by yourself, so I thought I would introduce myself and then… ask if I could maybe buy you a drink.”
It’s only then that Erin realizes that she’s being hit on. If she hadn’t already been sweaty from the dancing and the crowd, she’s sure that she would start sweating now.
“Oh!” she says. “That’s, um. Wow. You know, I--”
“You can say no,” Megan smiles at her. “I won’t be offended. I’ll be a little hurt, but I’ll live through it.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m, um-- My, uh--”
“Hey there,” Holtz grins, sidling up beside Erin, two drinks in her hands. Realization flashes across Megan’s face.
“Oh ,” she says. “You’re here with someone. That’s all you had to say!”
“Oh my gosh, Erin, did I miss you getting hit on?!” Holtz smiles widely, looking back and forth between the two.
“Um,” Erin mumbles.
“Look at her, she’s so sweaty. She gets so sweaty when she’s nervous,” Holtz says directly to Megan, laughing, and then holds out her hand. “Holtzmann.”
“Megan,” she says, shaking her hand. “Sorry for hitting on your girlfriend.”
“No worries. She’s the cutest one here. Can’t blame you,” she shrugs. “And she’s really more of my non-specified intimate-relations friend who I also have deep romantic feelings for, rather than my girlfriend.”
Megan laughs, nodding, understanding, and Erin feels her face burning, and she really is extra sweaty.
“Got it,” Megan says. “Well, you ladies enjoy your night.”
“You too,” Holtz grins, giving Megan a quick salute as she begins to walk away. Then she turns to Erin, and she’s smirking, and she’s so, so smug. “Look at you, getting hit on by girls in a bar.”
“Shut up,” Erin mumbles, taking the drink that Holtz pushes into her hands.
“How long did it take you before you realized she was hitting on you?” Holtz asks.
“Shut up!” Erin laughs. Holtz kisses her.
They go back to Erin’s place. They’re both slightly drunk and fumbling, and laughing way too much as they pull each other’s clothes off, falling into the bed.
“Thank you for today,” Erin says breathlessly, her fingers digging into Holtz’s arm, holding her close once they’ve finished, sweaty, smiling, lying there together.
“Anything for you,” Holtz says, and the way she says it makes Erin really believe her. She kisses her, running her fingers through her hair, holds her closer. And she smiles.
“You know,” she laughs. “Non-specific intimate friend, um… what was it?”
“Non-specified intimate-relations friend who I also have deep romantic feelings for,” Holtz supplies with a laugh.
“Yeah, that,” Erin says.
“What about it?”
“It’s quite a mouthful,” she says. Holtz pulls away from her slightly to look at her.
“Do you have a better suggestion?” she asks. Erin shrugs.
“I dunno… maybe… girlfriend?” she suggests. Holtz props herself up, peering down at Erin, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.
“Is that what you want?”
“I don’t know,” she says. “If you also want that. ...Do you?”
“More than anything,” she answers without hesitation.
“Okay,” Erin smiles. Holtz drops her head down again, resting her chin against Erin’s shoulder, and she presses a kiss to the side of her neck.
“My girlfriend, Erin,” she says. “Yeah, that really rolls off the tongue. I like that.”
“I like it, too.”
23.
Kevin is confused. Admittedly, he spends most of his time being confused, even though he doesn’t always realize that he’s confused. Most of the time, he’s confused about what other people are doing. As far as he knows, everything that he does makes perfect sense. Other people, though, they do some weird things.
He doesn’t want to interrupt Erin’s praying. He didn’t even know that she was a religious person, but she keeps saying “oh god” and he can only assume that she’s praying. He doesn’t want to interrupt, but he’d answered the phone, and it seems like a pretty serious ghost situation, and Abby and Patty had left headquarters, and he’s pretty sure that he needs to tell someone .
He’s confused as to why Erin is praying while sitting on top of one of Holtzmann’s tables, at the very edge, her head tilted back, her eyes closed, and he’s especially confused as to why Holtzmann is hiding underneath Erin’s skirt.
Erin opens her eyes, and then she looks at him. Kevin grins, waving at her.
“Kevin!” she gasps out.
“Um. Okay,” Holtzmann’s voice comes from beneath Erin’s skirt. “I know you have the hots for Kevin. I accept that about you. But don’t you think it’s a little impolite to be thinking about him while I’m--”
“ No ,” Erin says, reaching down towards Holtz. “ Kevin!”
Holtzmann emerges, turning, and Kevin waves at her, too.
“Hi, bosses!” he says happily.
“ Kevin !” Holtz yells, springing up. “Kevin! Hey! Kev! Buddy! What are you doing up here?!”
“Dangit, we couldn’t hear the beeping out here,” Erin mumbles, and her face is all red, and she stands, readjusting her skirt.
“There’s a ghost on the phone,” Kevin says, and then he laughs. “The ghost isn’t on the phone. But it’s about a ghost. Thought you should know.”
“Okay, great, thanks,” Holtzmann nods, looking back at Erin, and then back at Kevin, and back at Erin again. Erin mouths something to Holtzmann, and Holtzmann shrugs, looks at Kevin again, and clears her throat. “Um, hey, Kev…”
“Yeah?”
“How long have you been standing there?”
“A little while,” he says. “I felt bad interrupting Erin’s praying.”
“Her-- her praying. Yeah. Yeah. Her praying,” she nods. “And I was….”
“Hiding under her skirt,” Kevin supplies. “Were you going to try to jump out and scare her? That would have been funny.”
“Yep! Yeah! That’s it! That’s exactly it,” Holtz says. “Great! Well! Glad we got that figured out! So there’s a ghost, huh?!”
“Holtz,” Erin mumbles.
“Yep. It’s at… uh… I forgot where it’s at,” he shrugs.
“Okay, great,” Holtz says. “Well, we’ll figure that out, and um, in the meantime, Kev, you uh… you shouldn’t tell Abby or Patty… about… the praying or the hiding under skirts… okay?”
“Okay. Why not?”
“Well, um, you see,” Holtz smiles. “Abby hates praying. Yeah. She hates it. Doesn’t like hearing about it. And Patty, she… she feels really sad when we don’t include her in… hiding...games.”
“Oh, okay,” Kevin nods understandingly. “One time my hide and seek team competed without me and I was really sad, too.”
“See? Exactly. You get it.”
“Yeah, I do!”
“Great. Great. Great chat, Kev. Okay. So let’s figure that ghost out, shall we?”
25.
“How long did you know before I told you?”
“A couple weeks.”
“And Abby?”
“Same.”
“Shit,” Holtz laughs, and Patty laughs too. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because,” Patty shrugs. “Wanted to let you guys figure things out first.”
“Erin’s telling Abby right now.”
“I figured,” she nods. “What made you finally decide to tell us?”
“Kevin caught us.”
“Oh, no,” Patty groans, letting out a loud laugh. “Not Kevin!”
“I don’t think he even realized what he walked in on,” Holtz laughs. “It was like having sex in front of a toddler, you know? Like… they might understand that something is happening, but they don’t really know. It was just too risky letting him walk around with that information, though. It was time.”
“Does Erin know that you already told me?”
“No,” Holtz shakes her head.
“Okay. Okay. I got you,” she says, and then she stands up.
“What are you doing?”
“Just follow me,” she says, and heads down the stairs. Just before she reaches the first floor landing, she begins to yell. “It’s an insult to my intelligence, is what it is!”
Holtz stifles a laugh, following her into the room, seeing Erin and Abby sitting close together.
“You think I didn’t know?! You think I’m blind?! I mean, come on!”
Holtz looks at Erin. They lock eyes.
“Turns out they already knew,” Holtz says, pulling a grimace. Erin nods.
“Yeah. They did.”
“Of course we fuckin’ knew!” Patty yells.
Holtz keeps her eyes on Erin. She smiles, watching her girlfriend. She leans against the wall. Erin watches her, too, and Holtz is barely even paying attention to the words that Abby and Patty are saying, because they don’t really matter. Erin is her girlfriend and it isn’t a secret anymore, and it’s real, it’s really, really real.
She’s been waiting a long time for it to be real. And it’s finally real.
30.
Not much has changed, ever since finally telling Abby and Patty. There are changes, but they’re small. Abby shoots her an exaggerated wink every time Erin goes upstairs to see Holtz. She holds Holtz’s hand when they all go out together. Sometimes when they are all spending time at the firehouse together, not working, she’ll lean up against Holtz, Holtz’s hand will rest atop her thigh, they’ll touch, and it’s just casual and simple, but it’s wonderful.
The first time she kisses Holtz in front of Abby and Patty, it’s nothing more than a quick peck, but they both yell, making a scene out of it, and Erin blushes and Holtz smirks.
She’s lying on top of the mattress pushed into the corner of the small room on the second floor of the firehouse, and Holtz is beside her, and they’re both fully clothed, their fingers laced together, and Holtz is talking about one of her newest creations, and she moves her hands as she speaks, moving Erin’s hand too. Erin listens attentively, nods, adds comments.
It’s been a month since they were first in this bed together. She already knew that, but Holtz had pointed it out to her as well.
She wonders how it can only have been one month, because she feels like her feelings for Holtz have lasted for decades. At the same time, she wonders how it’s already been a month, because every time Holtz kisses her again, it still feels new and exciting.
She never realized how easy dating could be. How easy a relationship could be. She supposes she was just dating the wrong people before.
This is what it’s supposed to be like. She knows that now.
This is exactly how it’s supposed to be.
Holtz talks, and then she pauses, turning her head to look at Erin. Erin has been watching her, she knows that her smile is big and ridiculous, but she can’t help it. Holtz looks at her, and she smiles, too.
And she kisses her.