Chapter Text
It had been a couple of days since the table read for the finale had taken place, and Noah had spent the time he was supposed to be rehearsing his lines, lying helplessly on the crunchy bed of a hotel room. His eyes glossed at the bare popcorn ceiling, wondering if he had just wasted almost a decade of his life on a show that had no moral compass and barely held its own plotlines together. His eyes stung from the tears pricking in the corners of eyes that hadn’t been blinking. He had sobbed at the script in front of everyone, and at the time, he wasn’t even sure why. But now, listening to the radiator buzz and the sounds of a city outside, he understood. The realization didn’t come to him all at once; it had taken its time, spanning almost the whole course of his life, but now that it was here, it brought a giant crater in his stomach. The thoughts came tumbling through him uncontrollably, and they made him feel like he was sinking into the bed. He squeezed his eyes as tightly as he could and tried to get the stupid, pathetic concept out of his head.
Noah had always recognized that his character, Will, had become a part of himself; they had grown up together, and he believed the two of them faced some of the same struggles throughout their lives. He also knew he was never alone in this thought. When he was younger, he had spoken to some of his cast friends about it, and they all sort of shared the sentiment that living through their characters had sort of changed them and helped them to recognize certain parts of themselves. 16 year old Noah, fluffy light hair and large innocent hazel eyes, stared blankly at a 17 year old Finn, dark curly hair and deep doe-like eyes, as he continued his agreement with Noah.
“Yeah, I guess I never would’ve.. understood myself as.. entirely as I do now if I hadn’t gotten to put myself in Mike’s.. situation.” Finn played with his fingernails and spoke like every word needed to be specially chosen for the sentence. The two of them sat on the floor facing eachother, and Noah tried his best not to furrow his eyebrows in confusion; he knew Finn was studying his face.
The younger boy began his own reply, mimicking Finn’s enunciation, yet it was nowhere near as well thought out or concealed. “I mean, Will’s.. situation is a.. tricky one too, you know?” He paused momentarily and searched for understanding in Finn’s eyes before continuing, “I definitely relate to him.. and that can be.. tricky.” He let his eyes fall to the ground, now trying not to work himself into tears. He felt a consoling hand on his shoulder; it pulled him up into a hug. A sweet, caring, and understanding hug.
Finn held them both there for a moment, and when they pulled away, they were both smiling. “Do you know one of the best things about Mike and Will’s friendship?” Finn asked, and got a small hm? in response, “They understand each other better than the rest of the party, and Mike is always going to be there to protect Will.” Finn gave another short pause and placed his hand on Noah’s, rubbing his thumb across the top of his hand. “Okay?”
Noah groaned as he attempted to squeeze his eyes shut tighter; the sound of the radiator began to seriously bother him. He had just had his 21st birthday, making it around 3 years since he had come out to the world as gay. What a stupid way to put it. Gay. It sounded so serious, and it didn’t truly encapsulate anything about himself. Sometimes, he was in love. Heartbreaking, mind-shattering, soul-collapsing, love. But the fact that it was always a boy he was in love with.. well.. It made him gay. His silly coming-out video didn’t surprise most of the people who had known him all his life, and well, that was the point of it.
When Noah was 15, his best friend delivered the line, “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls,” and it physically stung him in the chest. That’s around when he knew for sure. After that day, while still on set, Finn tried multiple times to have a conversation with him. First, it was a lighthearted one, like usual; then, after Noah brushed him off, it was more of a question of whether he was okay, and after Noah replied flatly that he was fine, Finn grabbed both his shoulders and forced him to stay. Noah’s eyes immediately brimmed with tears at his touch. He hated how weak Finn had always made him feel; he wondered if Finn hated how much he saw him cry.
The flare in his eyes extinguished instantly with the sight of Noah’s tears. Finn spoke in almost a whisper, which was odd considering no one was around, but it felt soothing. “Noah, please, tell me what’s going on. I know it has something to do with me, but I can’t figure it out.” He had genuine worry in his eyes, which pulled the lightest layer of truth out of Noah.
“You always say we’re like Mike and Will, but then you yelled at me today, and it hurt. You hurt my feelings.” He felt significantly younger than 15 when he spoke those words, but they felt accurate, so he let them stay. He watched with sad eyes and a quivering lip as Finn’s expression turned to that of a pleading dog, surprisingly similar of a face he had seen in the rain scene they had shot. He looked so remorseful, as if he might have understood what had actually hurt him.
Finn let a small smile blend into the guilt-stained painting that was his face. “Will, I’m sorry I said those things. I got too caught up in my own bullshit to see what really mattered to me. You, Will the Wise, have always been more important than some stupid girl, and I’ll never forget that ever again. Do you forgive me, because I’d really like to go back downstairs and play dnd with you for the rest of my life.” A dorky smile had now completely taken over Finn’s face. Noah’s entire body had gone rigid, and when he tried to bring himself to reply, he couldn’t even squeak. He felt his face warm, and he tried to internally stomp on the butterflies in his stomach.
The shorter boy looked up and interlocked their fingers, ignoring the drying tears on his probably pink cheeks. He threw himself completely into Will’s character. Wide-eyed, head cocked, and adorable. It was always safer as him. “Well, you mean everything to me, too, Mike the Brave. I forgive you.” Noah delivered his improvised line with ease, and it was his turn to watch Finn’s face as some color began to appear. They were both smiling, and they began to giggle, then, like idiots, their hands interlocked and their foreheads pressed against eachother’s, they began to laugh.
The rattling stopped, and Noah’s eyes opened. He was in love. Heartbreaking, mind-shattering, soul-collapsing, love, with Finn Wolfhard. His co-star. His best friend. His Mike Wheeler.