Chapter Text
November 1st, 1986
To:
So, I don’t really know how to start this. I guess I should start with ‘hi.’
Hi.
This is my first entry, first time writing something like this really. I mean, I’ve written campaigns before in the past, but D&D compared to this is…actually a lot simpler. This is like a diary entry, I feel like Nancy.
The three-year anniversary of the day this all started is coming up. The day I we lost Will. Then the next year we lost him again. He always seems to be leaving me us. Not physically, I mean, physically he was here but… doesn’t matter. He left physically in ‘85. Not that any of that was his fault nor was it in his control…obviously.
But I asked him, recently, what he does. When everything feels like too much. He told me he distracts himself or focuses on things that bring him peace. He said he draws or paints to get all the thoughts out and onto paper. Or he’ll try to hang out with people. He goes to El or Lucas the most out everyone now. He used to come to me. He used to ride his bike. He can’t ride his bike alone anymore; Mrs. Byers won’t let him. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t sneak out when everything else won’t work for him. He says what his mom doesn’t know won’t hurt her. When did Will Byers start lying?
Will told me I should try writing. He says I’m good at it. So, here I am.
The Byers have been staying with us for about 8 months now. It’s a bit cramped, but no one minds. Well, my dad does, but no one really listens to what he has to say. Will’s been staying in the basement with Jonathan. Jonathan sneaks into Nancy’s room almost every night. I don’t know how they haven’t gotten caught. The stairs creak every night. Maybe everyone else knows too, they just don’t care enough to say anything. I tried to get Will to stay in my room with me. Him and Jonathan made these weird faces at one another that I don’t understand. But he said it would be fun, like a sleepover! Mom and Mrs. Byers shut it down though.
Last night Holly and her best friend, Mary, stayed over. They took the basement so Will stayed with me in my room. It…was awkward. It’s never been awkward between us before. Well, except for that one time at the airport. But really how was I supposed to act? I hadn’t seen him in months and we barely talked. Okay, yeah that was on me. But I tried! I really did! Mrs. Byers was just always on the phone! And, anyways, we got over that pretty quickly! I asked him why he didn’t sneak up like Jonathan does and he just blinked at me! So, I repeated the question because maybe he just didn't hear me? Or didn't understand what I was asking? Then he said it was because he didn’t want to ‘risk it.’ Which is such bullshit! What is there to risk?
He stayed on the air mattress. I told him he could just sleep in the bed with me, but he just used my mom’s ‘hard work’ as the reason why he stayed on that lumpy old thing. All she did was pull it out of the storage closet. What 'hard work' does that require?
When did Will Byers become such a liar?
When did he start lying to me?
...
December 1st, 1986
To:
Hi.
It's been a month since I started this. Thinking about doing monthly entries. Seems like a good idea. I don't know.
Not much has changed since the last entry. Hawkins is still in disarray. It's quieter than it used to be though. The neighborhoods, at least.
With each resident packing up and leaving, another military vehicle drives in. They've covered the rifts in the ground with a big 'metal band-aid.'
They tried to have a sense of normalcy with having school start, at least. They started later than usual, though. Had to pack up everything used for the shelter for those who lost their homes in the 'earthquakes.' We, Lucas, Will, Dustin and I, started our sophomore year in October. Which means, we're technically almost half-way done. Things aren't the same though.
Dustin is angry. Angrier than ever. He insists on not letting Eddie's name be tarnished. And it's not like I don't understand, because I do! I do! I was friends with Eddie too! But he's putting a target on his back, on all our backs! As if we didn't already have targets on our backs. Lucas and me because we were also a part of the Hellfire Club, Will because well...'Welcome Back, Zombie Boy!'
Mouth-breathers.
(Lucas says I should stop saying mouth-breathers as an insult. Told me to just call people 'assholes' or something. Apparently, we're 'too old' for using the term mouth-breather. Now I'm just going to use it in spite of him. Screw Lucas.)
Lucas and Will have grown closer. I see them talking to each other by the lockers before, in-between, and after class. They're always talking about something. Lucas does share more classes with Will than I do than Dustin and I do, so I guess they'd be by each other's sides more often. (They're taking French, instead of Spanish, which makes no sense because Spanish is the second most used language in the U.S.) Will goes to the hospital a lot with Lucas to visit Max. Since when were Max and Will so close? Apparently, she wrote him a letter when she wasn't sure if she'd survive Vecna's Curse.
Since we're on the topic, there hasn't been any change in Max's condition. She's still comatose. The doctors don't understand why she hasn't woken up yet, as her body has fully recovered. El still can't find her in her 'mind' or 'void.' Whatever it's called. Lucas still hasn't lost hope, though. He tries to go every day after school and plays Kate Bush for her. He believes she's in there, somewhere.
I think she'll wake up soon, she's just being stubborn. Making everyone sweat for no reason.
Will thinks so too. He's always been more supportive and hopeful out of us all. He goes with Lucas at least once a week. When he isn't with Lucas at the hospital, he's with El. He spends time with her while she trains for the inevitable battle with Vecna.
El and I haven't spoken much at all, recently. We used to be on the same page, but it feels like we're in different chapters of our lives. I don't even know if we're still 'together.' I mean, if we were we'd both put in more effort to see or, at least, talk to each other, right? We'll be able to see each other for Christmas, so maybe I'll have a more definitive answer by then.
We use the tunnels (Will's idea!) to go to Hopper's cabin. It's how Mrs. Byers goes to visit Hopper and El since the military is still after her. There's also a tunnel that goes under the radio station that Robin and Steve have started working at. Jonathan works part-time there; he helps with the more technical side of it. Nancy is the station manager. With the help of Hopper and Mrs. Byers they're clearing out a space for all of us to work in. To make plans in. It'll be a safe spot for all of us.
Maybe I can be of use then. I can help come up with plans. I don't know. It feels like everyone has a goal in mind, except me. It feels like everyone is useful for something.
Why not me?
...
January 1st, 1987
To:
Happy New Year.
I have my answer: El and I are not together. She says she doesn't have the time to be someone's girlfriend. She says maybe things will be different when Vecna is defeated. But she didn't look like she believed it. But I think she's right.
Things will be different when all this is over. Things are already different. I guess that's why I'm feeling so...weird. Like everyone is moving at a pace too fast for me to catch up. But the clarity on our relationship makes things easier, I think. I don't know how to describe it without sounding... like a jerk. But I felt this...weight(?) lift from my shoulders when she confirmed what I thought. I feel like I can catch up now. Instead of everyone being so far ahead of me they look like a speck, now I can reach out and just brush the tips of my fingers on their clothing.
I'm getting there.
Remember when I said I could help come up with plans? Well, I did.
The 'bunker' is now ready to be used. Hopper has been keeping an eye on the military activity in the town. Dustin's helped build transmitters to listen in on the military radios. Murray's been our designated smuggler. He brings us the things we needed and will need in the future.
The military have built a 'base' around the main gate, where each of the rifts meet. The main gate is right at the library, which Mrs. Byers and Hopper have both pointed out that the library was where Will was found when he went missing. It's interesting. No one knows how he ended up there. Will hasn't really spoken about his time in the Upside Down. He says he can't remember most of it, like he blocked it out. El says she understands because she did the same thing with Henry.
(Apparently, Henry Creel, aka Vecna, aka One, went to high school with Hopper and Mrs. Byers. Even with my parents and Steve's parents. Mrs. Byers said he was in a play she put on. Strange to think Vecna was a theatre kid.)
Anyways, Hopper's been watching the military movements. He says they take trips into the Upside Down through the main gate. He thinks they're searching for El in there. They've taken 5 trips into the Upside Down since my first entry. They take multiple trucks inside. At a minimum they've always taken 4 trucks.
Here comes where I help.
I proposed Hopper 'hops' into one of the trucks and goes into the Upside Down.
No one laughed at the pun. But they took the idea into consideration! We'll have to be extremely thorough, so we don't get caught and Hopper doesn't get lost in there. We're finally able to make a move and find where Vecna's been hiding. Like with Max, El hasn't been able to find him in her mindscape (yes, I figured out what it was called) and Will hasn't had his 'feeling' since the end of spring break. There's always a chance of the bastard being dead (what an optimistic mindset), but everyone would rather know that for a fact than just have naive hope.
I guess, a New Years Resolution I have for 1987 is to find Vecna and kill the bastard. End this all, once and for all.
Maybe we can even have a peaceful senior year. We can probably smuggle El in somehow too. I’m sure Mrs. Byers and Hopper can forge some documents. Maybe that one Doctor (Opal? Oswald? Octavius? (that’s spider-man dumbass) Owen? Owens!) Owens-whatever happened to him?-can help us out. He helped El in Lenora, so maybe he can help again!
I think out of us all, El deserves a sense of normalcy the most. At least we can pretend to not know the truth. She has to train and fight every day. It must get exhausting.
Will does too. I couldn’t hear it before, but since that night he stayed in my room I’ve noticed it. He woke up in the middle of the night, and I don’t think he ever went back to sleep. I don’t think he’s getting much sleep. Always moving around, doing something. No one else seems to notice anything off with him. He’s good at putting on a smile and pretending everything’s fine. But if you look hard enough you can see the dark circles under his eyes and the cracks in his lips.
Not that I’m spending a lot of time looking at him or anything. Because that would be weird. He’s just my best friend who I’ve known for a decade now! It’d be weirder if I didn’t notice anything off with him.
I think he’s just nervous with the upcoming plans, and he’s worried about losing Hopper. Or maybe he’s still adjusting to being back in Hawkins? That would make sense too.
This infiltration plan has to work. Everything needs to go smoothly and perfectly. It has too.
Maybe we can use a dummy or something for a test run…
...
February 1st, 1987
To:
Hi.
Not much has happened between the last entry and now. So I don’t really know what to write. I’ve been doing better since I’ve started this. Will was right about that. It helps ease everything.
We’re closer to infiltrating the military trucks. We’ve (Hopper) scoped the area out. There’s a church bell tower where we can have people stationed as lookouts. It overlooks almost the entirety of the base! And it gives clear vision of the tracks into the gate. It’s the perfect spot.
With the help of Will we were able to get full scale maps of the tunnels. He seems to remember where each tunnel leads to perfectly. Nancy and Mrs. Byers printed off maps of the town and labeled them to differentiate between the ‘Rightside Up’ and the ‘Upside Down.’
Robin, with the help of Steve (surprising, I know) have started working on code words. With their jobs at WSQK it’ll be easy to send messages through the radio. It’ll help us know when the military is planning to go into the Upside Down rather than constantly have someone watching them.
Dustin came up with the idea of a tracker to stick onto Hopper for when he finally goes into the Upside Down. He and Will have started building a telemetry tracker to stick into one of the WSQK vans. I think this project will be good for Dustin, it’ll help distract from everything else. Maybe it’ll soothe out his anger a bit.
Murray has provided us with a tracker that the telemetry tracker will lock onto. The signal has to be strong so someone will have to be in the van to constantly check on it and stick with Hopper. That role will mostly fall to Dustin, since I doubt Mrs. Byers will let Will out of her sight. Steve’s the designated driver, considering he, Nancy, and Jonathan are the only ones with a license (and Nancy can be put to use elsewhere and where Nancy goes, Jonathan goes).
El and I haven’t spoken one-on-one since Christmas. Will seems to know something is up between us with the looks he’s been sending both our ways. I can tell she wants to go with Hopper into the Upside Down, but it’s clear he won’t let her. They think they’re being quiet with their arguments but I’m pretty sure everyone can hear them.
Lucas has the best eyesight out of everyone so he’ll probably be stationed on the tower the most out of us all. I think they’re planning to swap people out, like Nancy and Jonathan will go to the tower one time then Lucas and I will go and so on. Most of the roles are still being discussed, but I hope I can be of some use.
I can’t imagine what it’s like to be Will or even El and know that you won’t be able to participate because of the dangers that come with being either near the Gate or near the military. It must suck to have to constantly look over your shoulder. But they can both take care of themselves. I mean, El is a literal superhero! She's saved the world multiple times! And Will? Will’s a survivor! He survived the Upside Down for a week, unprepared and by himself when he was only 12 years old!
They want to fight and help, so I think we should let them. I mean, of course it’s dangerous and of course I don’t want anything to happen to either of them, but isn’t what we’re already planning dangerous? Isn’t literally everything we’ve been doing dangerous?
Even when we do nothing it’s dangerous for them. Will was literally taken while he was just riding home on his bike! So I guess I don’t understand what side-lining either one of them will accomplish in the end.
But I’m not going to be the one to argue with Mrs. Byers and Hopper on what to do with their kids. Mrs. Byers is terrifying when she’s angry and Hopper already doesn’t like me. I think he’d lock me in El’s makeshift bath at the cabin if I even blink at him the ‘wrong way.’
I’m also starting to think Jonathan doesn’t like me very much either. Which is so weird because I haven’t done anything to warrant his dislike! Like with Hopper I can understand, okay? I was a total jerk that summer to Will to everyone that summer and I guess I was a bit disrespectful.
Anyways, Jonathan’s been sending me glares recently, any time I offer an idea or try to talk to Will one-on-one I can literally feel him trying to burn holes into the back of my head. Seriously, what’s his problem? It’s not my fault he’s having relationship issues with Nancy. Maybe instead of constantly glaring at me he should focus more on fixing whatever’s wrong with them. I don’t know. All I know is that it’s annoying! He’s known me since I was 6 years old! Stop looking at me like that!
I just want to spend time with my best friend! I'm not doing anything wrong!
…
March 1st, 1987
To:
Hi.
We’ve decided that this month is the first ever ‘Crawl.’ We’ve given it a name. It’s subtle and no one will know what we’re talking about. We have everything prepared and covered. With the telemetry tracker set up, there’s no way we’ll lose him. We even did a test run (with the dummy) to make sure the connection works in the Upside Down!
God, I hope everything goes right. We could really use a win.
Max’s heart rate spiked a couple of days ago. It was a real shocker to everyone, but especially to Lucas. The music stopped playing, so I think he feels guilty. He’s creating a mixtape that just loops the song over and over again so it’ll play for hours. Will’s helping him with it since he knows the most about creating mixtapes. He says it must mean she’s getting closer to waking up.
Tensions are high right now. Everyone’s stressed out with the first ever Crawl coming up. I’m trying to keep everyone calm, especially Lucas and Dustin. Dustin is groveling in solitude right now and Lucas is constantly bouncing his leg under the table.Will’s too busy trying to keep his mom and El calm. I hope he isn’t stressing himself out and has someone to talk to.
Nancy’s piling over her work and the mission. She wants to find the bastard more than anyone, I think. She told us about the vision Vecna showed her, of him targeting Mom, Dad, and Holly. Of them dead. But it doesn’t make sense. They have no connection to any of this. I mean other than me and Nancy, they have no actual involvement. I do think we should be cautious, but, I mean, I wasn’t in the vision, so maybe he was just bluffing, or using her fears against her.
I think Jonathan’s trying to be supportive of her, but she keeps brushing him off. I think he’s being more overwhelming at this point. Nancy is a perfectionist when it comes to things that she cares about or are super important to her. Guess that’s something we both have in common.
I won’t lie; I’m scared. We all are, obviously. But there are so many things that could go wrong, even though we’ve covered everything that’s in our control. There are still things outside of our control, like the demogorgons in the Upside Down. What if they attack the trucks? Or the military personnel! What if they decide to check the trucks or a truck breaks down and Hopper gets found out! We’d be totally screwed.
But even though I’m scared, I’m really trying to keep morale up. Everything will go according to plan. Maybe we’ll get lucky and no demogorgons or demo-bats will show up.
It’ll be fine.
It has to be.
...