Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

♪⁠～

Hyuntak had grown fond— fond of the way Juntae smiled with that pretty shine in his eyes, fond of the way his voice was always so soft you'd think he was trying to hum you to sleep. Every little thing he noticed, saw, desperately sought out, just made his fondness deeper.

He felt the need to see the other eternally happy, he wanted to make him happy. He wanted to keep him safe. He wanted to listen to all the soft rambles the smaller usually went on about. It felt gentle, all the ways he felt when he looked into those big eyes– it was so incredibly comfortable that it made his heart clench.

The first time they had talked —or more accurately, when he had said something to Juntae— had been harsh. He had been hotheaded as always and said stupid stuff that he regretted, not only to Juntae but to Sieun as well. In his defence, he had reasons to believe what he did, but he regretted it nonetheless. 

When he thought back on it, yelling like that at Juntae had been a feat in-and-of-itself. He can't imagine saying something like that to Juntae now, he wouldn't be able to deal with the soft recoil that Juntae had shown back then.

Now though, they have gotten closer. Part of the same friend group, hanging out everyday, spending countless hours in and out of school together. It felt… inevitable. How could he not find Juntae’s company comfortable, his smile sweet and his laugh gut wrenchingly adorable? He had thought it was normal, everyone in their friend group had a soft spot for Juntae, hell even Suho, who had just recently become a part of their circle, dotted on him endlessly.

And so, he had come to accept it— Accept the way every giggle made warmth bloom in his chest, the way the smaller figure clinging to his made him want to hold on tight and never let the other go, the way he could endlessly list how kind and sweet Juntae is.

Anyone would feel the same way if they had the pleasure of getting to know Seo Juntae.

So he let go. He stopped holding back and let all his fondness show. When their hands would brush while walking side by side, he'd gently slide his hand into the smaller’s. When Juntae would look up to smile at him in that intoxingly sweet way, Hyuntak would reach out, pull him in and hold him close.

It's not like he never let his fondness show before either. Ever since they had gotten closer, he had shown his affection for the younger in small ways. He knew he was softer with him than with his other friends, but he felt like Juntae deserved that softness— not that he didn't love his other friends any less— it was just… different with Juntae.

So here he is, walking Juntae back home like always. He was carrying the younger's bag, which he always insisted on doing despite the smaller boy's soft but constant refusal. Meanwhile, Juntae was clinging to his arm, hugging it softly with one arm looped through his as they walked under the streetlights.

He could confidently say that he had grown stronger against the temptation-filled force that was Juntae's need for physical touch. He had once been a very weak man whenever Juntae would initiate any sort of physical closeness that extended their usual dynamic. He would feel his skin growing warmer and warmer— a fire igniting with every second he stared at that pretty face.

And now, well, he was still a weak man but to give himself some credit, at least he didn't stiffen up like before. His head however, was just as cotton-filled as the first time Juntae had clung to him— rambling happily about how he had pulled his favourite character in that Gacha game he was obsessed with recently. 

“Tak-ah.” A soft voice broke Hyuntak out of his day dreams— day dreams that centered around the very person speaking to him.

“Hm?” 

“Wanna stay over at my place? It's pretty late out.”

“It's always this late when I drop you off, Jun.”

“And I feel bad every time you have to walk back to your house this late.” , he accentuates his disapproval with a cute little pout that has Hyuntak combusting on the inside.

“It's fine, don't feel guilty. I'm doing this because I want to.” He tries to ease the younger's worry by flashing a soft reassuring smile, something he keeps reserved for him— and sometimes occasionally for his other friends. 

“What if I have an ulterior motive for wanting you to stay?” He shuffles closer to Hyuntak, clinging tighter to his arm.

Uh… Wow? What? Did he hear that right?

He tries to mask his bewildered expression but he doesn't know how successful that seems to be. “Uh. What– what ulterior motive?”

“I wanna watch that series together. I told you about it, remember? Ouran high school host club?” His light voice suggests softly, a smile beamed up at him– trying to convince him to stay even though they both know he can't refuse.

“Oh yeah– I remember. The one where they make fun of… tropes or something.”

“Yup.”

And without another word, Juntae keeps leading them forward, one hand still holding onto his arm and the other gently swinging by his side.

♪⁠～

Hyuntak decides that he hates Mori. 

They're sitting on Juntae’s bed, plushies lined up on one side of the bed like a make-shift line of defense. Hyuntak changed into one of the shirts he kept accidentally leaving at Juntae's house. Juntae changed into his paw print pajamas and he's currently curled up against Hyuntak, gushing about how sweet ‘Mori-senpai’ is. 

Well, not gushing but it may as well be. But Juntae being Juntae— he quietly gives a few comments, doing so at times when the characters aren't speaking— trying to not interrupt Hyuntak’s viewing experience. As if Hyuntak could ever be annoyed by something like that.

 Juntae comments on how he finds mori-senpai ‘kind’ and ‘cool’ and ‘you can see how he cares for others in his own quiet way.’ 

He decides that if Juntae likes Mori so much then at least someone has to do the job of hating the guy. He'd gladly take up the offer.

They reach the seventh episode before he has to pause the show. Juntae's drooping eyelids and increasing lack of commentary make his sleepy state apparent. So, Hyuntak turns off the laptop and carefully places it on the night stand, hoping he doesn't drop it in the dim lighting. 

“We can watch the rest tomorrow.” He turns back to Juntae and gets further under the covers with him, facing the ceiling as Juntae continues to gently cling on in his half asleep state.

“Mm.” 

“G’night Jun.” He mutters softly in Juntae’s direction.

“Mm. Night, tak-ah.”

The soft silence envelops them. He tries to think straight, tries not to think about the soft hold Juntae still has around his arm– his bare skin feeling warm at the soft hands clutching onto him.

“Tak-ah?”

“Hm?”

“Who's your favourite character so far?” Juntae asks, voice slightly sleep coated but still curious.

He hadn't really thought about it much. To give credit where credit was due, a lot of the characters were honestly entertaining and funny, especially Haruhi. He hadn't been paying all of his attention towards the show though. How could he, when Juntae was right next to him? — begging to be adored simply by doing nothing. But, his favourites would probably have to be…

“Honey-senpai I guess. Or haruhi. Or both.”

“Mm. Why?” 

“I’ll tell you tomorrow. Go to bed.” He mutters dismissively, noticing the increasingly sleepy tone bleeding into Juntae's voice.

“But I'm curious.” He pouts cutely in his sleep and Hyuntak thinks this might be the end for him.

“You're too curious, Jun. C'mon, go to bed” His tone is final but Juntae doesn't seem to notice– seeing as he keeps going.

“No, you c'monnn.” He replies in a hushed voice, petulant enough to sound whiny, but reluctant enough to have that signature Juntae sweetness to it. It fucking sets Hyuntak's heart ablaze everytime.

“Fine.” He reaches his hand towards his other arm, reaching where Juntae's hand is holding onto his bicep muscle gently. He pats Juntae's hand softly, once, twice. And then retracts his hand.

“I just think honey-senpai is cute. Though, it is a bit weird that he looks so young especially because he's in a host club. Haruhi is cute too. Her character design is pretty and she's funny. Plus, she's probably the most realistic character.”

The silence is loud once he stops talking, punctuated by soft breathes beside him. He turns his head away from the ceiling to see long eyelashes resting atop the soft skin of Juntae's cheeks, lips still stuck in a slight pout.

“ ‘night, Jun-ah.” He says quietly and if he stays up most of the night, sleeping like a stiff board just so that Juntae won't get jostled in his sleep and move away from him– then no one but him has to know.

♪⁠～

“Did you pick up Juntae-ah on the way again, Gogo?~ aish, save some affection for the rest of us!” Baku whines jokingly as he swings a hand around Hyuntak's shoulders, pulling him close for his early morning headlock.

“Yah– my neck already hurts you dumbass!” Hyuntak retorts with no real bite as he shoves at Baku half-heartedly, his muscles not having the energy to undergo their usual shenanigans.

At the mention of his neck pain Juntae perks up beside him. 

“Tak-ah, was the bed too uncomfortable? Or did I take up too much space? Maybe I should get softer pillows–”

“Nah. The bed and pillows were fine Jun-ah. Don't worry, I think I just pulled a muscle when I was stretching this morning.” He tilts his head and stretches his neck gently in a few directions to try to soothe out the pain.

He looks down to find Juntae staring at him, worry still evident in his eyes.

“I'll get you the balm I used last time–”

“It'll sort itself out Jun, it's just a bit sore, don't worry.” He tries to soothe Juntae's worry, gently swinging an arm across his shoulder and pulling him close. He looks forward to see a pair of eyes staring at them.

“Oh. Sieun-ah! Good morning. You're so quiet, I didn't even hear you approach.” Juntae smiles warmly at Sieun.

Sieun just stares back before responding in his usual monotone, though there was a certain softness in his voice that he reserved for Juntae.

“Morning.” He simply greets before he glances up at Baku, who looks like he's promptly trying not to explode while waiting for his turn to speak. 

“You two had movie night without us again.” He finally says, his dramatic sulky tone apparent as he directs his puppy eyes at Juntae.

“Ah– we didn't plan it ahead of time. We just decided at the last minute when Tak was about to drop me off.” Juntae humors Baku's antics with a small amused smile.

“You're giving him too much credit Juntae-ah! He probably planned this so he could have you all to himself again! I need my Juntae-time too!” Baku yells with the theatrics and all as he hugs Juntae close like a mother protecting her child. Hyuntak just rolls his eyes and Juntae being Juntae, just laughs.

Sieun moves forward to pinch Baku's forearm, prompting him to let go of Juntae.

“You're gonna suffocate him.” He warns in the same monotone voice but with a hint of amusement present.

“Yah! Juntae loves my hugs! Tell them Juntae-ah!” 

Juntae just giggles along and pats Baku's arm.

“I do, I do.”

“You don't have to lie, Jun. He can handle the truth.” Hyuntak scoffs.

“You wound me, gogo.” Baku pouts as he turns around and starts walking ahead towards the school, still clearly not tired of the dramatics yet.

The rest of them follow behind and Hyuntak practically body slams into Baku from behind, clinging to him like dead weight to purposefully slow down Baku as an act of revenge for being called out.

Because maybe he did want Juntae all to himself.

♪⁠～

They're all gathered at Juntae's house. Suho and Sieun are sitting next to each other, Sieun’s free hand gently and subtly massaging Suho’s sore arm while they both face forward, focusing on the horror movie they've chosen (Baku forced them to watch it with him.) 

Suho had been improving a lot physically thanks to his physiotherapy sessions, but his muscles would sometimes tense up if he used them too frequently and it was all Sieun needed to fuss over him in his own Sieun way.

Baku was wedged in between Hyuntak and Sieun, weirdly engrossed in something other than Slam Dunk for once.

Next to Hyuntak was Juntae, chewing quietly on some potato chips– trying to make as little noise as possible as he took each bite. 

Hyuntak was a bit distracted.

Okay, well, more than a bit distracted.

The movie itself was interesting, scary enough to creep even Hyuntak out. 

But it was hard to feel scared when Juntae’s weight was warm against his side, his hands reaching up to feed Hyuntak once in a while. So, when a particularly creepy scene came on and Juntae's hand gently held onto his forearm in anticipation— he couldn't really find it in himself to feel scared.

♪⁠～

His head rested against the smooth pages of his textbook, cheek squished against the paper. They were having a study session for a particularly annoying test that they were gonna have to give soon. They'd gathered at the library, hoping to cover the test today so they didn't have to worry about it later– so Sieun and Juntae didn't have to worry about it later. He and Baku were just dragged along by the former two. 

He opened his eyes to see familiar fingers wrapped around a pen, taking notes as sparkly eyes flitted their gaze between two pages. Juntae's lips quietly repeated whatever he was writing down and every once in a while, he'd stop writing and furrow his brow at something in his textbook. 

Hyuntak reaches a hand up to gently tap Juntae's. He's immediately met with those big eyes, their attention solely on him.

He moved his hand to cover Juntae's, dropping the latter's pen out of his grasp. He held on softly, intertwining his fingers through the smaller's. His gaze was unable to move away from those increasingly endeared eyes. He was met with a soft smile, something that could cure at least a few diseases. 

Juntae slowly leaned down to rest his head on the table, mirroring Hyuntak's posture. The frames of his glasses pressed against his soft cheeks, a bit lop-sided and adorable as all hell.

Hyuntak thinks he could fall asleep right here, staring at sunshine in human form. The drooping of his eyelids subsided, instead replaced with the urge to never look away from the sight in front of him.

The library wasn't too brightly lit, just enough to feel cozy with a faint scent of whatever air freshener the old librarian used– a sweet ahjumma who commented on the closeness of their friend group every time they came by. The five of them had sat at a relatively isolated corner, knowing that they tended to get a bit loud at times. 

His gaze remained stuck. Stuck on soft cheeks and amused eyes. Stuck on the faint appearance of dimples and teeth from behind softest looking lips. Stuck on the hand that was currently in his grasp, warm and familiar.

They sat there, quiet, undisturbed and open. His gaze ran over all of Juntae, roaming back onto those sparkly eyes that peered back into his. Juntae scooted closer, whispering his words so he wouldn't disturb the others around them.

“Break time?” He asked with an unbearably cute upturn of his lips. 

“Mm.” He replied with a soft smile, his expression fond. His fingers flexed around Juntae's, relaxing and squeezing periodically, slowly getting a feel of that familiar soft skin.

“Wanna go get some fresh air?” Juntae suggested, his gaze moving down to their joined hands.

His smile widens in response, raising his head from the table and looking up at the others sitting around them. Juntae's head rises next, giggling lightly at Hyuntak's eagerness to get away from studying.

“Me and Jun are gonna go get some fresh air.” He announces to his friends, his smile a bit too wide after having been studying for over an hour.  

Sieun looks up from where he's helping Suho finish up with his own stuff. Considering Suho had missed out on two years of his education, he was struggling to catch up with it all on his own and of course Sieun didn't hesitate to help. Well– help was an understatement. Sieun had taken it upon himself to actively push Suho to study according to their make-shift schedule, never letting him slack off unless he was persuaded by… unfair means. 

Baku's already half dead on the table, his hair in a disarray around his head and soft snores making their way out of his lips. 

“Be back on time.” Sieun reminds them, his free hand moving to shake Baku awake.

“We will Sieun-ah.” Juntae reassures before getting up along with Hyuntak, their hands parting for a few excruciating seconds before they reconnect again.

“Bring me some fresh air too.” Suho says with an exhausted tone, his eyes refusing to stay open for one more measly second as he rubs his hands across his face.

“Will do.” Hyuntak chuckles at his friend's misery, leaning against the back of his chair before standing straighter. 

Once they walk to the cafe next door and get some drinks for them and their friends, he feels much more refreshed. It felt nice to finally be able to walk after sitting down for so long, his muscles thanking him for the pleasant stretch. 

The cold drinks in his left hand were contrasted by the warmth in his right hand. Juntae's hand had been intertwined in his, the whole way there and back.

It felt grounding, reassuring even, to know that Juntae didn't want to let go just as much as him.

♪⁠～

                                Psych ward 🔥💯

Baku:

could we do the hangout at someone elses house tmr 😞 

Suho:

showed pops Ur grades?

Baku:

yup

currently homeless and making my way to gogos 

                                                                                       :You

                                                                                    what. 

                                   Why was I not made aware of this

Baku:

Your aware of it now 😂

Suho: 

So the hangouts gonna be at gotaks?                                                                        

                                                                                       :You

                                          When did I consent to this 🫩

                       Plus. Hanging out in the same house as            

                       my sisters isnt ideal

Jun-ah:

It's alright Tak-ah

I'm sure they'll be sweet (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

I've been wanting to meet the twins for a while now too (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

Suho:

Yeah man we dont mind

Baku:

Yeah gogo its nonnegatable 🤪

Sieun:

Non-negotiable.

                                                                                       :You

                                                                                       Fine

                                           Dont say I didnt warn you 🙏

♪⁠～

Hyuntak had expected this.

Baku was currently being directed on “how to walk like a princess” by his little sister, Go Sumin. She had put a book atop Baku’s head and instructed him to walk in a straight line without dropping it. Apparently she had seen it in a Barbie movie or something.

His other little sister, Go Sujin, was currently fussing over Juntae and Sieun– telling them to sit still so she can practice her makeup skills on them.

And then there was him and Suho, playing mario kart on his console as he periodically sneaks glances at Juntae's increasingly endeared smiles and giggles.

 Safe to say he had lost all three rounds so far.

“Dude. You're making it too easy. I feel like I'm playing against a brick. A really enamored one at that.”

“It's just too loud in here to concentrate.”

“Uh-huh.” Suho retorts with a scoff.

“And what do you mean 'enamored' ? By what?” He asks, ignoring Suho's sarcastic agreement.

“You mean ‘by who’ “ Suho corrects as he finishes another lap, miles ahead of Hyuntak. “And you know who.”

“Dude. Did Juntae recommend you another murder mystery novel or what? Why’re you being cryptic?” He squawks as he tries to catch up to Suho, fingers frantically mashing the buttons and eyes locked onto the screen for once.

“You know I don't have the patience to sit still and read through those. I just look through the cool pictures.”

“You know he chooses ones with pictures on purpose right? He knows you have the attention span of a goldfish.”

“And I love him all the more for it, Tak-ah~ “ he accentuates the nickname with a soft and lighter voice, mimicking Juntae's endearing tone but not quite doing it justice.

“Plus– you'd be surprised at how accurately they draw the fighting stances.” Suho adds with genuine appreciation in his tone, which promptly turns into a shout of victory as he once again beats Hyuntak.

“Yeah yeah. Just please never call me that again.” 

He retorts as he slumps in defeat— four losses in a row was a new record. 

“Hm? Is it reserved by chance?”

“Sorry man, not everyone can look cute saying it.” He shrugs as he drops the controller, refusing to take another hit to his ego.

“Oh yeah?” Suho smiles with a little too much mischief in his eyes before he turns back to gaze upon the chaotic mess around them.

Hyuntak looks back like he's been waiting to do so freely without the weight of the controller holding him down.

And he thinks that he might be feeling faint. 

Sujin had seemingly finished working her skills on Juntae and had moved on to Sieun. It's not like his sister was an expert makeup artist by any means– not that he'd know the level of talent needed to be one anyways– but he'd say she was good, especially for an eleven year old. 

She hadn't decked out Juntae's face with bright purples,reds and blues like she had done to Hyuntak countless times when she was younger. Instead, she had made Juntae's lips slightly more pink– that pretty red-ish pink they got when it was cold outside. His already flawless skin looked even more spotless. She had made the tips of his nose, eyelids and his cheekbones shine softly, subtle but still there. His hair had been parted in the middle–slightly ruffled to ‘give it texture’; she had said when she had once done the same to him. She had also seemingly stolen his glasses. Somehow, his eyes looked bigger than usual– soft and endlessly pretty. His teeth peeked out as his lips parted. His eyelashes still the same, brushing against his cheeks as he blinked slowly to adjust his vision. 

He thinks he might need to treat his sisters to that new restaurant they were begging him to go to. And get himself admitted to a hospital because what the fuck.

It's not like this was new information. He had always found Juntae to be pretty, cute more so, but pretty nonetheless. But right now, his throat refused to spit out any words and his eyes weren't cooperating in averting his gaze. 

He thinks he might be screwed because when Juntae's gaze lands on him, he feels his heart do several back and front flips– those big sparkly eyes doing too much to him and too little to help his situation.

He finally manages to look away, his sister's voice— thankfully— pulling him out of his trance.

“Oppa! Rate my work, c'mon.” Sujin giggles as she shuffles to the side to reveal her two test-subjects. Sieun looked disgruntled, though she had done a good job with his makeup as well. He looked like an idol and he could tell it was doing something to Suho if his increasingly red face was anything to go by. 

He slowly turned his gaze back to Juntae.

Conversation poured back into his ears– muffled but still there. He caught some of it but the other half went in one ear and out the other.

Suho said something about Sujin being destined to be a make-up artist. Baku dropped the book from the top of his head to sit down beside them and give his own opinion– though Sumin was less than pleased about Baku’s un-princess like behaviour. She clung to Baku's back, her arms around his neck and took him down in a makeshift chokehold, both of them giggling as they went down. Sieun and Juntae exchanged light conversation, the former being a bit embarrassed yet still humoured Sujin and the latter laughing along with everyone– praising Sujin endlessly for her skills.

He could feel his heart quicken, skipping beats as it tried to function normally.

“Oppa?” Sujin asked again.

“Oh. Uh yeah– you did great Sujinie. Way better than what you did to me when you stole mom's makeup.” He attempted to steer back to sanity.

“Well that was years ago. I'm bound to get better ya know.” She smiled, all wide and toothy. “But you still need to rate both of them.”

“Ten out of ten” He shrugged.

“Rate them both individually. And be honest, give details. I wanna improve, don't I? Tell me what I did wrong and especially tell me what I did right.”

She spoke with that glint in her eyes, like she knew something and was actively trying to execute some stupid plan she came up with in her head.

“You talk like you're fourty.” He tries.

“The rating, my dear brother?” She grits out with a grin on her face.

He squints at her for a long moment and realizes that everyone's attention is now on them. He’d look weird if he still didn't comply but he feels like he's playing right into the hands of the savage that is his sister.

“Fine. Ten out of ten for both.”

“And?” She smiles gleefully.

He stays quiet for a couple of seconds before Baku latches onto his side, his voice loud in his ears.

“C'mon man, it's not that hard. Give your opinion. It's just makeup.” He shakes him slightly to coax him to speak.

“Yeah yeah... I don't really think you did anything wrong. I like the way you made sieun-ah’s eyes pop. He looks like a teary eyed cat.” He chuckles.

Suho apparently agrees, and strongly at that because he bursts out laughing– wheezing out a ‘he does! That's spot on!’ much to Sieun's dismay. Baku joins in on the teasing and ruffles Sieun's feathers further.

“And Juntae-oppa?” Sujin asks.

“Yeah, don't leave Junnie-oppa out.” Sumin joins in.

The two share equally wide grins. He only ever saw them smile like that when they were about to receive their gifts on their birthday or on Christmas.

He sees Juntae look his way at the mention of his name.

Fuck.

He tries to speak, tries to say something about how she did a great job with Juntae's make-up too, how he still looked like the same Juntae he could stare at and listen to for hours– but with even prettier lips, even sparkler eyes and with the same soft face he wants to hold. Desperately.

But all that comes out is–

“You look pretty.” He blurts out, staring straight into Juntae's eyes.

And it's not like he's never told Juntae that before. He compliments him frequently. 

But this time, it felt like… more. More charged. Mixed in with the usual softness, there was a tremor of desire, of longing. His voice lacked his usual gentle tone, instead replaced with a breathless edge. Like it was a confession he was making.

“Ah. Thank you, Tak-ah.” Juntae smiles at him, seemingly calm but his ears were slowly getting redder by the minute, mirrored by his own rapidly reddening ears and face. “Sujin is just really talented.” 

“Aww, Oppaaa!” Sujin coos and shuffles closer to hug Juntae, her arms around his neck as he chuckles and pats her back.

He smiles at the sight. 

Suddenly, he notices something from the corner of his eye. He turns to find Sumin staring at him, grin still wide and eyes displaying that knowing look.

He can never bring Juntae to his house again.

Or else he's screwed.

♪⁠～

Hyuntak hasn't felt this embarrassed in years, maybe ever. He feels pathetic.

It had been a shitty day, he had stumbled down the stairs while leaving for school this morning– landing right on his bad knee while doing so. 

Safe to say that the slight throbbing had persisted the entire day. It wasn't like he couldn't walk, but the dull pain was still there, showing itself when he put too much pressure onto his knee.

He had ignored his mother's insistent nagging to just stay home. Hyuntak hadn't even mentioned anything about the resurgence of his pain yet his mother knew. But, predictably, his stubbornness had won.

Basketball practice had gone as expected, he tried not to wince or limp but it still affected his performance. By the end of practice, he hadn't gotten a single good shot. 

It felt even worse when his teammates noticed, when Baku noticed. They hadn't figured out the real reason for his shitty performance, thankfully, but asked if he was feeling alright. He assured them that it was just because he had a stomach ache– too pathetic to look Baku in the eyes as he said it. 

He stood up as the next round of practice started, but Baku pushed him back down– telling him to rest if he wasn't feeling well. 

He looked up to see that look in his eyes, like it hurt to hold back his comfort. Because he knew– knew it would be too much for Hyuntak to have to face it again. So he didn't say anything. Told him to rest and to not come back until he felt better. 

So, he stayed put– waited until the sharp pain returned to the dull throbs from before he put strain on his knee during practice. Once it was a bit more bearable, he headed towards the club room, trying to stay out of Baku's line of sight before he could see him limp. Because that'd be the cherry on top of the misery cake.

Once there, he plopped down onto the couch, letting out a long relieved sigh as the pain dulled considerably since he wasn't standing anymore. 

Minutes passed as his brain calmed down a little, thoughts feeling fuzzy– the dull throb of pain still being persistent but not as bad as it was during practice. 

Suddenly the clubroom door slid open, pulling him out of his sleepy state to the sight of a sweet face and an even sweeter voice.

“Ah! There you are, Tak-ah!” Juntae exclaimed excitedly, his smile almost blinding to Hyuntak's sleep-addled eyes.

“Mm. Were you looking for me?” He questioned as he sat up straighter, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Yeah, me and Sieunnie went to the court to find you and Baku– but he told me to walk you home and that you'd probably be in the clubroom.” Juntae explained as he walked in, closing the door behind him.

So Baku did see Hyuntak leave. At least he was spared from any lectures. But…

“Wait. What about the hang-out at Suho’s then?”

“Baku said we could do that some other weekend when you were feeling a bit better–” a sudden look of realization and worry washed over Juntae's face. “Oh! How did I forget– Tak, What's wrong? Baku just said you had a stomach ache but you usually don't skip practice because of something like that.” He asked, worry etched into his tone as he sat down beside him, his smaller hands coming to rest on his arm to offer some sort of comfort.

“It’s nothing Jun, don't worry. I think the new noodle shop we went to yesterday messed me up a little.” He muttered, shuffling closer to Juntae and leaning down to rest his head on Juntae's lap, sliding his legs up onto the couch and trying not to wince at the slight sting of pain still present.

“Hm. Their chilli oil was a bit spicier than what we normally ate at the other shop.” Juntae recalled softly as his hands came to gently rest in his hair.

“It's Baku’s fault for recommending it.” He nuzzled closer to Juntae’s hand, closing his eyes at the warmth blooming inside him.

“I'm the one who recommended it to Baku though.” 

“Oh. Then it's my fault for eating it even though it was too spicy.” 

Juntae's laugh came softly and barely lasted for over five seconds, but it had his heart and brain alike beaming with pride. Every time he made Juntae laugh felt like an achievement, something he wanted to write down and get printed as a certificate, or even better yet, get it etched onto a medal.

He turned to face Juntae's stomach and nuzzled his face closer, burying it in comforting warmth as one of Juntae's hands stayed comfortably in his hair– he gently took Juntae's other hand in both of his.

He didn't know when sleep came over him again but the mixture of the soothing warmth and comforting closeness overtook him. 

Even through his half-asleep state, he could still feel Juntae's hand’s– sifting through his hair with a gentle weight.

Hyuntak awoke to a door being slid open with more force than needed, a group of loud voices and a hand gently trying to cover his ear. He pushed his face closer into the warmth, making an attempt to get away from the noise but soon, the voices were right above him.

He begrudgingly opened his eyes and turned his head to look up.

He was greeted by four faces, one that he could recognise even in his sleepy state and the other three wore stupidly bright and matching grins. 

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes to see clearer. Sure enough, it was Juntae– who looked a bit guilty for him having been woken up like this– and three of his teammates– who looked ecstatic at having a chance to tease him. He let out a long sigh, turning back to the warmth to stuff his face into Juntae's cloth-covered stomach.

“So you were sleeping comfortably with your own personal pillow while we slaved away, huh?” One of them remarked, his eyebrows wiggling and his hand pointing to Juntae's thighs as he referred to the aforementioned pillow.

“Must be nice.” Another one remarks.

“Yah, Juntae-ssi, if I get a stomach ache can I get some comfort too?” The last one asked with a pout evident on his face as he crossed his arms across his stomach.

Hyuntak lifted his hand to flip him off.

They all let out matching scoffs. Juntae chuckled above him.

“Fine, fine. We just came to get our water bottles. Don't take too long~” 

And with that, the door slid closed and silence engulfed them again.

Hyuntak would argue that Juntae’s thighs were softer than pillows. Though, he kept that one to himself.

♪⁠～

Juntae had gotten an early leave for the both of them in order to walk Hyuntak home, much to his guilt and refusal. 

His head ached from the effort he had put in all day, his nerves on fire from all the stimulation across every corner of his body. At some point, the pounding in his head overrode the pain in his knee and lower leg– persistent and ever-growing. He wanted to go home. He wanted to be rid of it. He wanted nothing more for all his nerves to experience peace.

He’d been trying his hardest to not walk with a limp, the pain had subsided a little at first but as soon as he made it to the bus stop, it came back with the same sharp throbbing pain.

He had been able to hide it pretty well at first, walking perfectly straight and no one seemed to have noticed. 

Him and Juntae had left earlier than both Baku and Sieun which, thankfully, lessened the amount of people he had to keep up this act with. 

Juntae had been holding onto his arm as usual, though he stuck closer this time around. He had also heavily persisted on carrying his own bag and had also eventually snatched Hyuntak's bag to carry it himself. Hyuntak made an attempt to grab the bag back but was promptly guilt-tripped into giving it to the smaller boy. Juntae had said it was because Hyuntak wasn't feeling well and that he would feel guilty if he made him carry his bag in that state. As if an upset stomach made Hyuntak incapable of carrying his bag. 

Which should've been his first hint.

Because as the walk progressed, Juntae did things that would prevent strain on his knee as much as possible– giving him the only seat on the bus while he himself stood (which was, again, met by protests from Hyuntak), taking Hyuntak's arm and putting it around his shoulder, walking slower under the guise of him being tired so that they would both have to slow down their pace, avoiding bumpy roads and stairs.

Juntae definitely knew. 

And Hyuntak thinks he might explode from the guilt.

Juntae had to accommodate him the whole way home while he couldn't even drop the smaller boy off at his house like usual. 

So he clung to another way to alleviate his anxiety.

“Jun. Stay over tonight. It's not safe for you to walk back this late.” He suggested as they reached his front door. 

Juntae paused for a quick second before nodding twice, his glasses sliding down his nose slightly at the action. Cute.

♪⁠～

Hyuntak realized his self-proclaimed oath a bit too late.

He had brought Juntae over to his house again. While his sisters were out on the prowl.

He had been doing as he was instructed by Juntae, lying on his bed after the climb up the stairs almost made him scream out of pain. 

He opened his eyes at the soft click of his bedroom door closing, lifting his head to look– only to be met with the sight of Juntae in his T-shirt, a dark navy blue. Its collar was wide enough to barely grasp onto Juntae's shoulders, revealing his collar bones in the process. It reached until just above his knees, paired with sweatpants that covered the heels of his feet completely.

“The twins gave me your clothes, that's okay with you right?”

“Yup.”

He thinks his sisters might be having a little too much fun with this.

And he might need to get a heart rate monitor.

♪⁠～

Juntae insisted that both of them sleeping in the same bed would just cause Hyuntak to feel worse but Hyuntak wasn't too keen on letting Juntae sleep on the floor. So, after the millionth promise of reassurance, they finally turned the lights off and went to sleep in Hyuntak's bed.

He hadn't ever had any issues sleeping with his friends in the same bed. Physical affection came naturally to him, and he didn't hesitate to show it to the friends and family who welcomed it. 

So, seeing as Juntae welcomed his affection with open arms, he had developed a habit of clinging to him whenever they had a sleepover at one of their friends' or at Juntae's house.

But this was the first time he had held Juntae in his own room. In his own bed. 

He pressed his head up against Juntae's chest, hands circling his waist and pulling him close. Juntae's arms hugged his head as he pulled him in further. 

He felt safe. Like he didn't need to fight for once. Like he could just lie down instead of trying to stand tall.

“Tak-ah?” a soft voice came.

“Hm?”

“You did your best. It's more than enough. You can rest now.”

And then suddenly he couldn't hold on to the mental blockage he built for himself. It all came pouring out, all the frustration he hadn't let himself feel, all the guilt for something he couldn't control, all the strain he put on himself just to stay upright. Hot wet tears pooled in his eyes, his vision blurring against Juntae's clothed chest. He pushed himself closer, clung on tighter– he felt as if he would fall. He would fall and could never get back up, forever kneeling to a circumstance he couldn't control. He couldn't let Juntae see him so down but he couldn't bear to pull away either. It was the only thing holding him up. Warm tears streamed down his face, some brushing up against Juntae's shirt and leaving splotches of wetness behind.

A bitter chuckle escaped him, his voice strained as he spoke. “Guess becoming an actor is out of the question, huh?” 

Warm hands pulled his head back slightly from Juntae's chest, cupping his cheeks and tilting his face upwards. A soft smile made itself known through the blurry tear filled mess that was his vision. And he couldn't bear it. He pushed himself back into the soft embrace, tears still free-falling without his consent and his mouth felt like someone had taped it shut– throat closing up under a non-existent force.

He felt like he was spilling– spilling all over Juntae and the bed. Words couldn't fight their way through his clogged throat and only their weak protests managed to make it out. Shaky breathing and strained sobs, barely being kept under wraps, filled the room.

He felt like he was finally losing his footing, falling to the ground despite his best efforts to grasp onto anything that would prevent it.

But the ground felt soft, welcoming– like it had been waiting for him to stop resisting. 

The tears wouldn't fucking stop. 

“Tak-ah.”

He couldn't get his voice to work, even for a measly second. His name was uttered too softly, with too much care. Like he was a fragile and precious flower.

“I think you're strong. You try hard to be and I find that really cool. You're very admirable, Tak-ah. But– it's okay. It's okay to let go sometimes. Let yourself be weak for once.” 

Hyuntak's fingers dug into the fabric at Juntae's waist, his finger tips warm from the friction– his joints feeling strained at the pressure.

“You know it too. You know we would never judge you for it. You know that so… can you tell me what is bothering you? I mean– if you want to, that is.” 

He didn't speak. He couldn't. Not when his throat refused to unclog. Silence enveloped them again. Juntae didn't push him to speak yet his hands still gently brushed through his hair, offering silent comfort.

Minutes passed or maybe hours, he couldn't tell. But his throat didn't feel like it was closing in on itself anymore. So he spoke.

“I–” His voice came out strained, wet and cracked. He cleared his throat. “What if–” He took a deep breath, looking for the right words. Though, even his breathing came out shaky and unbalanced.

“If I had been strong enough back then, I could've prevented this. I could've prevented my weakness. I could've been strong enough to do more today, if I had just been strong enough back then. And–” His breath came short as he struggled to inhale properly. Juntae's hand continued its soothing motion in his hair. He took another breath.

“And. I still could've been good for something. I poured years into my training, all for it to be useless. All for me to lose my purpose. I thought I had found another purpose. I thought that– if I could still protect the people I love, it would be enough. Then maybe, I could make up for my new weakness.” The words poured out of him with a surprisingly steady voice, like he was holding onto his last ounce of strength.

“But– I couldn't even do that. Even though I know Baku and Sieun can hold their own, I could've done more for them. So they didn't have to get hurt trying to protect me because of my shortcomings. And– and I wanted to be able to protect you.” He pulls his head back slowly to look up at Juntae, his eyes filled with sincerity.

“I know you're not weak Jun, far from it and– You’re strong enough to fight, even when you're not sure if you're gonna win. Even though you were hurt, you still have a kind heart. You didn't let the bitterness hold you down. You were brave even when your situation was less than ideal. You're one of the strongest people I know. And…”

His eyes remain steady through it all. All the words he was scared to say to even himself, came out with surprising ease.

“I care about you a lot, Jun. I know I don't say it nearly enough but, I care about you and our friends alot. I'm sure that you probably know that but– what I mean is. I want to be able to protect you. Not because you're weak, but because–”

His throat was starting to close up again, the muscles constricting against nothing but air.

“Because you're very dear to me.” And then it snowballed. “Having to be grateful to a bastard like Seongje for saving you, not being able to keep you from being hurt even when I was there with you on the rooftop. You got hurt whether I was with you or not. Because I was weak.”

The moment he stopped speaking, the silence came back and he realized how much he had said. He had never been the type to pour his heart out verbally when it came to his own feelings. He could have an emotional conversation but he hadn't been able to speak about all that was burdening him in a while.

And suddenly, he started missing that lump in his throat. It prevented him from feeling so open, like the wind was blowing relentlessly against raw and itched-out skin.

He hadn't realized that he was looking down, avoiding Juntae's gaze like he was going to get burned, the comforting warmth suddenly posing the threat of setting him on fire. He looked up at the sound of a gentle voice, tone filled with understanding and adoration.

“Tak-ah. You say that like you haven't been protecting me. Protecting us. You notice all of our strengths except for your own. I see how proud your eyes look when Baku does his best in a match, how endeared you look when Sieun-ah smiles at our antics, how happy you look when Suho-ya feels fully at home with us. I wish you could see how much we all adore you too.”

Juntae's hands cup his cheeks, staring into his eyes with something he couldn't place a finger on.

“None of it was your fault. Whatever happened didn't happen because you weren't strong enough, it happened because people were trying to knock you down. But you're still here aren't you? You still saved my life. You're still able to laugh, cry, be mad– you're still able to be yourself.” Juntae's voice started cracking, his eyes getting glassy.

“Plus. You can be weak. You say I'm strong but– I know how weak I am. And I can be weak with you. Admitting that you aren't invincible is the strongest thing you could do anyways. You're human, Tak-ah. You can't protect us all from everything bad. And that's okay, because we know you tried. That's enough for me at least.” He smiled, his eyes smiling along with his mouth– the tears they contained were begging to escape and run down his soft cheeks, barely able to hold onto his lashline.

“You can see my strengths where I can't and I think, in the same way, I can see your strengths where you can't. So, please let me protect you for once Tak-ah. Because you're very dear to me too.” His voice shook slightly, the same way it did when he got easily teary-eyed over something others would consider small and insignificant.

Hyuntak thinks that maybe this is it. 

He hadn't ever felt like this. 

Could he ride this high forever? Could he hold onto this comfort and understanding forever?

He fucking hoped so.

He didn't say anything back. Because Juntae knows– knows his unspoken words of gratitude. Of indescribable relief. 

He buried his face back into Juntae's chest. 

A muffled ‘okay’ somehow managed to make its way through

his clogged chest and throat– wobbly with acceptance.

♪⁠～

Go Hyuntak wasn't dense. At least that's what he'd like to think.

At first, he thought it was normal to feel like this towards Juntae. He was a kind, sweet and cute guy. A great friend. Someone who provided comforting company. 

But he had noticed the severity of what he felt. 

He wasn't stupid, hopefully.

He knew he liked Juntae.

And even though he could acknowledge it, it was still foreign. The fact that Juntae was a guy was the first dilemma. He hadn't ever dwelled upon his romantic or sexual preferences but he thought he had been straight. He didn't have an opportunity to think otherwise. He hadn't ever had a serious long term relationship. He had crushed on a girl or two in the past, sure, but none of it could compare to how he was feeling now.

It felt like a dream he didn't ever wanna wake up from. Like he had been floating for months yet he failed to notice. Every laughter shared, every touch shared, every secret whispered, every mundane routine with him– it all felt too soft and intimate for him to ignore. It was something he couldn't find in himself to regret.

Because maybe deep down, he knows this was inevitable. Juntae deserves every ounce of affection Hyuntak can offer him.

Though, he still couldn't believe he had poured his heart out to Juntae like that, but then again– of course it would be Juntae who would make him feel comfortable enough to do that. Nonetheless, the thought of him being so open and raw in front of someone still made him feel far too exposed. Like he was laid bare for dissection. Like he could be prodded at, now that he had left it all out in the open. Like if the wind blew just hard enough, he'd fall. 

Why had he said so much? Why couldn't he have just expressed the bare minimum or nothing at all? Why had he let so many things escape the pit he had carved in his head? He had just kept talking, kept letting it all pour and spill.

But it felt freeing. He felt so happy that he could just take the weight off. That he could say whatever he wanted, knowing that Juntae would never hold it against him. His fear was ever-present, but it was outweighed by assurance. The thought that he was being understood, heard, made his eyes burn.

He wanted to offer all that gentleness in return– wanted to show Juntae how precious he truly is. 

It had taken months upon months of oblivious pining for him to realize all this about himself and it was honestly embarrassing. At first, he hadn't considered what he felt as out of the norm. Nothing to dwell upon because it was just a given. 

Because of course

liking Juntae was a given. 

♪⁠～

“You’re sure?”, Baku's voice comes out calm yet stiff.

“Yeah. I am. I already missed out on too many practice sessions.” 

“And if you're lying?” Baku's head turns towards him.

Hyuntak sighs as his head drops backwards, his face towards the dark sky– partially blocked by the roof of the arcade.

“You'll strap me to a chair and force Suho to feed me till I pop.” 

A smile finally makes its way onto Baku's face, filled with a familiar gentleness. 

“Yup. And you know that I'm a man of my word, my dear Gogo.” Baku faces forward towards the empty street, his voice refilled with that signature over exaggerated enthusiasm.

Though, the next words are uttered devoid of any exaggeration or bravado.

“So don't go around acting all tough just for the sake of others.” 

They're spoken quietly into the space between them, like they've been said a thousand times before.

“...I know.” 

They don't look at each other and no further words are spoken for now yet it's all clear. The care, the worry, the guilt. It's all apparent. Like they've known how the other feels without having to say it aloud. 

An arm reaches out and drapes over his shoulders, heavy with a weight he could distinguish from any other, partly because it lacked the burdensome feelings he had come to be familiar with.

Baku and him are sitting on the stairs leading to the arcade, towards a corner where they could talk without getting in people's way. The neon lights from inside make their way outside onto the cement, bright and grounding in their sharpness. Hyuntak is pulled closer by the arm around him until their sides are touching. He leans into the comfort, his hand coming up to hold onto the arm around his shoulder. 

They still don't speak, looking straight ahead as the comfortable silence refuses to move.

A gentle weight suddenly lands atop Hyuntak's head. 

He tilts his head back to see the underside of a plushie. He and Baku shift to look up behind them. 

“Hyung got it for me.” Juntae shows off the cute chipmunk plushie in his arms, its eyes stitched to look big and sparkly and its tail big and seemingly soft. Its cheeks looked plump like it had just finished stuffing its mouth and Hyuntak thinks the similarities are uncanny. 

“It was easy. No big deal Junnie.” Suho speaks up from behind, exiting out of the arcade along with Sieun. He had a smug grin on his face like he'd just finished impressing someone with his mating dance.

“He used your wallet.” Sieun informs Hyuntak, looking down at him with a cat plushie in his hand. It had wide eyes coupled with an unamused expression stitched on. The white sparkles stood out in its eyes from among the black fur. 

He thinks Suho might have a knack for this. So, the stolen money could be forgiven if he could look at Juntae hugging that plushie close.

♪⁠～

The chill in the air bit at his skin, sobering up his sleepy mind. He'd been waiting for the others to arrive at the school gates alongside Baku.

Sieun came first, immediately confused why Juntae hadn't come before him.

Hyuntak wondered the same thing. His hands felt increasingly colder the more they waited, missing a familiar warmth even when he tried to warm them up by shoving them into his pockets. 

Juntae hadn't responded to any of their texts this morning which only fueled the group's worry even more. He hadn't gotten the usual cute good morning text or a selfie of Juntae with his adorable bed-head. Was he sick? Considering the weather, it wouldn't be unusual. Did he get caught up with something on the way to school? He couldn't keep the thoughts at bay, itching to just run and find and hold.

“He's not picking up my calls.”, Sieun's increasingly worried voice comes.

“I'll go get him.” Hyuntak blurts out before handing his bag to Baku.

“We're coming with you.” Baku charges forward behind him, with Sieun following suit. He turns, taking a few steps forward before being met with the sight of Juntae. 

Walking down the slope of the bridge, waving his hand at them with his usual sweet smile.

Hyuntak felt the quickening of his heart tone down, though he still felt uneasy.

Juntae made his way over to them, seemingly normal, just a bit out of breath. 

He explained that he had just woken up late and rushed over as soon as he could, which made sense. The group dissolved into their usual chatter filled routine. Though, Hyuntak still couldn't get past something.

Juntae seemed normal, sure, but there was also something majorly wrong– it wasn't obvious to others, but to him it was glaringly apparent.

It started with Juntae being clingier than usual. Being clingier with him that is.

He had held onto Hyuntak's arm the whole way up to their classrooms which— although not that out of the norm— was still a bit unusual considering Juntae held onto him like he could die if he let go. Hyuntak just assumed it was because of the cold at first. 

There was also the look on his face, still the same smile yet it wasn't the usual genuine one. His eyes didn't seem focused on anything happening around them. He seemed dazed, like he was moving forward on autopilot. 

Though, maybe Hyuntak was being dramatic. Juntae had seemed normal enough for the others to not question it. But– he had to make sure or else he'd spend the rest of the day worrying.

He tries to pull Juntae aside before their classes start, though that plan’s quickly busted by the bell. He reluctantly parts ways with him, both of them hesitant to let go of each other. Juntae looked like he was losing an anchor, his eyebrows furrowing and his eyes filling with anxiety. 

He wanted to just skip class and take Juntae with him, not like he'd be able to focus anyways with the state his brain was in– jumbled with worry, confusion and an overwhelming urge to comfort. 

Juntae convinced him against it, saying he was fine and that he was just feeling a bit light headed since he ran to school. Sieun was immediately at his side at that, asking if he needed to go to the nurse or if he needed to go home early. The offer was once again refused as Juntae grabbed Sieun's hand and led them both into their class.

Safe to say, he was not focused the whole day. Baku tried reassuring him, though to no avail.

“Sieun's with him, it'll be alright. He's probably just feeling weird because of the weather. Chill out dude.” Baku pats his back, knowing that Hyuntak was too worried to function.

“Hm.” He replies, too lost in his own thoughts to come up with anything better. 

Maybe he was being overdramatic. Either way, he could do nothing but wait and as soon as lunch rolled around, he stood up before the teacher even left the class. He hurried over to Juntae's class, Baku following behind him.

As soon as his gaze met with Juntae's, he saw the relief flood into those big eyes.

Though, he looked… fine. Normal. 

“See? Told you, Gogo. Our Jun's very resilient.” Baku exclaims, pulling up a chair next to Juntae and hugging him close. Juntae relaxed a bit against Baku, snuggling his face into his chest. Baku gently cradles the back of Juntae's head, his face morphing into the concern he's been trying to keep at bay. 

“You sure you're okay though?” He asks, his voice gentle.

“Mm. I'm fine. I was just a bit tired from running.” Juntae's voice comes muffled against Baku's chest.

It was fine. He didn't want to be overbearing. Or drag it on and end up embarrassing Juntae. 

But when he saw that same dazed look in the smaller's eyes, barely visible but still there, he didn't care if he was being dramatic.

He asked Juntae to come with him to get something from the clubroom, earning him a look from Sieun– relief mixed in with a bit of gratitude and hope. He didn't have the time to decipher what that meant though, holding onto Juntae's hand as they made their way out of the class.

The hallways were crowded and loud, endless chatter and physicality happening all around them. Juntae squeezed Hyuntak's hand and it was enough for him to hurry out of that stuffy mess with Juntae following.

Juntae's hold on his hand was still tight, not willing to let go despite them being just inches apart.

The door had clicked shut behind them a while ago, the quiet interior of the clubroom greeting them.

His free hand finds Juntae's cheek, cupping it softly as he stares into those dazed eyes.

“Jun.”

“Mm?”

“You okay?” He asks gently, concern etched into his expression.

The question seems to clear up Juntae's brain a bit as he blinks a few times before looking down at the space between them.

“Why wouldn't I be? Weren't we here to get something?” His voice comes out forced, desperate in its attempt to sound relaxed.

“You know that was just an excuse.” He gently squeezes Juntae's hand in his hold, shifting closer as he does so. “Look at me.”

A few seconds pass before those eyes are looking back at him again. They look tired. He looks tired. Like he's forcing his body to cooperate.

Juntae presses his lips together before letting out a reluctant sigh. His free hand moves up to hold onto Hyuntak's– the one cupping his cheek. Hyuntak feels Juntae relax against him a bit, his eyes unwavering as they stare back up at him.

“I'm just– a bit tired. And overwhelmed.” His gaze flits to the side before landing back onto Hyuntak.

“Yeah?”

“Mm.”

“Can I do something to help?” He offers gently.

Juntae's expression slips at that, his facade no longer holding up quite as well. His eyes water just the slightest bit.

“Hold me?”

He doesn't hesitate for even a second, pulling Juntae closer and holding him tight. Small hands come up to cling onto the fabric of his hoodie. Juntae buries his face into his chest as Hyuntak keeps a steady hand against his back and one at the nape of his neck, still trying to pull him closer across any distance that might be left between them. His hands brush against soft tufts of hair and a small but warm back.

He should've said something sooner, should've tried harder to do something. He had let Juntae deal with it alone to the point of tears. He feels the overwhelming urge to just hold. To hold onto someone precious to him as they cling to him for support. And that someone being Juntae just makes his urge stronger. He feels the way Juntae tries to bury his face as close as possible. The way he tries to not make a sound but it spills out of him anyways, muffled, wet and cracked.

Minutes pass by as the soft sobs quiet down into silent tears, running down Juntae's face relentlessly as Hyuntak cups his cheeks. He stares into those eyes, continuously filling with tears and then spilling them as if he has an endless supply of sorrow. Hyuntak leans forward to rest his forehead against Juntae's, his small face still in his gentle grasp. Juntae's hands remain clutched into the fabric at his chest, noticeably getting lighter in their grip.

“Nothing–” a cracked voice comes, still soft yet unbearably weak. He clears his throat.

“Nothing happened. It's… stupid.” He puts the words into the air between them, both of their eyes still closed as they lean against each other.

“I thought I was the stupid one.” Hyuntak says softly, smiling the slightest bit.

“You are.”, comes a quiet but wet chuckle.

“Yeah?” 

“...I guess I'm stupid too.”

“Well, we can be stupid together then.” 

Silence engulfs them, comfortable and punctuated by the rustling of Juntae's hands against his hoodie– loosening and tightening his grip again and again. Their foreheads felt warm against each other’s, fringes getting a bit messy at the contact. Hyuntak's thumb absent-mindedly rubbed circles into Juntae's cheeks, the skin soft and a bit cold under his touch.

“They pile up.” , a soft voice finally breaks through the silence. Hyuntak feels fresh tears against his fingers, rolling down Juntae's cheeks and straight into his awaiting hands.

“Hm.” Their eyes remain closed as they speak into the darkness, knowing they've got each other to hold onto.

“All these little things– they just… pile up. I don't know– I'm just–” He pauses. 

Hyuntak feels the hands at his chest move up to his shoulders. Arms loops around his neck as he opens his eyes, lowers his hands from Juntae's face and holds him close again.

“I don't know.” Juntae's voice comes muffled from against his neck.

Hyuntak's grip gets tighter, pulling the smaller against him so there's no distance left. If he could just meld himself to Juntae, he would. He could fill every doubt, every insecurity or fear with all that he can offer. Just like Juntae had done for him.

But maybe for now, just holding him through it was close enough.

Sobs shake the small body he's holding, hands circled around his waist pulling Hyuntak close. He hears the sharp intakes of breath, cracked words that jumble together and cries that he doesn't think he'll ever forget. An unbearable amount of sorrow pours out of someone so precious, bottled till it infiltrates the tight seal. 

Juntae's room holds them together as Hyuntak clutches him close, bedsheets rustling just slightly around every sob. A heavy weight settles into his heart, his eyes burning amidst his pursuit of holding Juntae together. 

He wonders if Juntae's throat burns, if his chest hurts from the constriction. 

Even as the boy breaks down in his arms, he doesn't yell. He doesn't scream or curse. His sobs sound quiet, like he's trying to be accommodating even now. The thought makes Hyuntak hold him tighter. 

The occasional words that Juntae mumbles aren't coherent, just stable enough to be differentiated from sobs. His insecurities and fears pour out in between them, filthy things that plague a soft heart. 

Hyuntak doesn't say a word, just holds the smaller together in silence, swallowing around the constriction in his throat. His gaze remains stuck onto a plushie behind Juntae, the darkness of the room making it hard to focus on anything but the sadness that pours out of every corner. His chest begins to ache, his throat burning every time he swallows. But– he can't get himself to do anything but just… hold. 

His Juntae, kind and soft hearted Jun, feels so much all at once– and he feels it too. He feels it as the smaller body trembles against him, unable to put his emotions into words. He feels the intensity of his feelings in the cries that wreck his heart to release. 

Juntae, who always has words to comfort others with, has none when it comes to himself– not even to describe the extent of what he feels. The irony punches Hyuntak in the chest, eliciting a shaky breath to break through his clogged throat and tightly set jaw. 

As Juntae's hiccuped sobs reverberate against Hyuntak’s chest, he feels the emotions pour straight into his heart– scalding and heavy yet there's a softness even inside the sorro

w. Juntae's tears soak into his chest, overflowing from his eyes even as his cries die down. 

He remembers, then, his resolve. He remembers why he's so adamant to protect this precious soft-hearted person.

♪⁠～

His bedsheets remain curled up beneath him as he clings onto them. Hyuntak's bed feels far too warm for the season, his body leaving an indent beneath him. The sounds of anything beyond his bedroom are muffled by the music in his ears.

His family had gone to bed a few hours prior, the silence was made apparent by the lack of his sisters’ voices. His headphones played the same playlist into his ears, the same one he'd been playing over and over for the past few hours. Or however long it's been because he couldn't really tell anymore.

Distantly, he cringed at himself– listening to songs that reminded him of his crush like some twelve year old kid. But– he let himself indulge. Because his heart felt too full– his brain too crowded.

Each song was saved by his mindless lovestruck self, playing in a loop in his head. Though, the only thing he could imagine was Juntae. 

Every cheesy overly-romanticised lyric, every soft tune, every attention-demanding vocal, it all came back to him.

And Hyuntak thinks he's never been more pathetic. Every bright and dimpled smile, soft but genuine laughter, firm but caring scolding, warm and comforting touch– anything and everything that he's received from him, it was all vivid under his eyelids. He felt unlike he had ever felt before, but fuck, did it feel good. Every second he spent daydreaming about Juntae gave him an extra hour on cloud nine.

The sound of a notification pulls him out of his hazed mind, music still playing in its usual loop.

                                Jun-ah

: [image]

: guess what finally arrived (๑>ᴗ<๑)

In the picture was Juntae in a big, pastel yellow coloured sweater, sitting on his bed as he looked up at the camera. Only his eyes were visible, the rest of his face being covered by a plushie. The plushie was of a character he recognises. Rakko, he thinks the name was. Juntae had told him how much the little thing reminded him of Hyuntak. 

It sat in his lap, its big eyes matched by Juntae's– looking up at the camera. Juntae's glasses sat perched upon the plushie’s head, his eyes crinkling just slightly at the corner because of a smile Hyuntak couldn't see.

He thinks his daydreaming is justified. 

♪⁠～

Hyuntak thinks he might have a concussion. Or a brain tumor. Or maybe he's just going insane.

Because he– he just had a wet dream. About Juntae. As in Seo Juntae. As in one of the– if not the– kindest and sweetest and cutest and prettiest people he's ever met.

Okay maybe that checks out.

It's not like this is his first time waking up with uncomfortably sticky boxers and a fleeting dignity. But, before it had always just been blurry. He hadn't ever vividly had a wet dream about someone. He would always just forget whatever he had dreamed about and dealt with the aftermath.

But this time it was vivid. 

Juntae was– 

He was sitting on Hyuntak's face. Riding it.

Plush thighs and soft skin were a grounding weight on his face. His tongue had been inside slick heat. His senses were overloaded by moans of his name, the gentle rocking of the weight on his face and soft hands seeking purchase on his stomach and lower abdomen to hold onto his balance as he pushed down a bit more onto Hyuntak's face, forcing his tongue deeper. Juntae had leaned down to give a sheepish kitten lick to Hyuntak's dick– the vibrations from his borderline pornographic moans travelling down to his dick.

And that was all it took for him to moan against Juntae's warm velvety entrance, before the waves of arousal crashed into him so violently that he woke up.

Maybe he needs a psychiatric evaluation. Because Juntae didn't deserve to be thought about like that. 

How the fuck was he going to look Juntae in the eyes after this? How could he still smile at him or hold him close or be his friend without feeling guilty?

The vibration of his phone catches his attention, loud amongst the suffocating silence of his room and enough to distract him from his guilty conscience if only for a few seconds.

                                        Jun-ah

: ‘morning Tak-ah (•̀ᴗ•́) و ̑̑

Fuck. 

What was dream-him thinking?

                                                     Good morning Jun 💙 :

                                                              Pick you up at 9? :

: yup. sounds good. (｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )b

He had to have been losing his mind.

And why the hell had it been… that of all things? He could say he wasn't a total prude but he didn't even– he hadn't even known that… that could be done. Based on the porn that he has watched, he thought he was pretty vanilla. Turns out his dreams disagree. And now he can't stop thinking about the details of it— it was burnt into his brain. 

He couldn't say that he found it unappealing per se… 

But he was starting to discover things about himself a bit too quickly. So, he put a lid on it for now.

♪⁠～

Everything was going normal, at least on the outside. 

He went out to eat with his friends, promptly being reminded of his guilt as soon as he saw Juntae's cute face. But, he tried setting it aside. It's not like he could control what he dreamt about right? It's just his unconscious brain that's all fucked up and horny. So, he forgot about it for the remainder of the hang-out. Barely. 

It remained at the back of his mind all day. And even in the following week. Festering. 

It finally slipped his mind eventually. He was finally able to act normally again without constantly worrying about making Juntae uncomfortable without knowing he was doing so. 

And so, another weekend came by.

They had all planned to stay over at Suho's place for two days, to enjoy their free time before things got hectic with exams. 

Sieun was currently being coaxed out of studying by Baku and Juntae. Baku telling him to not bring something so cursed to an event that's supposed to be fun and Juntae reassuring Sieun to just have fun and that they could just concentrate on studies later since they still had time.

Unsurprisingly, Sieun only listened once Juntae had joined Baku's efforts.

They were now sitting in a circle on the floor of Suho's bedroom with a deck of Uno in the center that Juntae had brought with him. Suho's grandma had scolded them a total of three times for being too loud and their friendships were hanging on by a thread.

Baku was holding a deck of twenty cards, a victim of one too many plus-four's. Sieun was once again close to winning, followed in second by Juntae. As for Hyuntak and Suho, well… they had just opted to become the bain of Baku's existence since they knew they couldn't win. As a result, Baku had offered up his first born child one too many times in exchange for some mercy to be shown on him.

“Gogo please. Please. I’ll do your homework for a week, just please change the colour to red.” Baku pleaded– having drawn about five more cards since he lacked a green one.

“You don't even do your own homework, dumbass.” He clicked his tongue. “I'll change the colour to green.” He grinned.

Baku looked like a man that had witnessed war first-hand and begrudgingly began taking more cards from the main deck. 

“Wrong move telling us which colour you don't have, man.” Suho chuckled beside Baku.

Baku froze, before shoving his cards in his face to silence a curse.

Juntae switched the colour to red during his turn, earning him genuinely happy tears from Baku.

“It’s okay, you still have a chance.” Juntae reassured, coupled with a sweet smile. 

“Juntae-yahhhh, You're the only real friend I have here.” Baku sniffled dramatically, placing down a red card– one of many Hyuntak assumes.

With the help of some unforeseen miracle (Juntae), Baku had somehow gotten down to his last card. Which was honestly impressive considering he was about to have more cards than the main deck itself.

Juntae had garnered more than twenty cards in an effort to silently help Baku get down to his single card. He could see the soft smile Juntae displayed as he saw how happy Baku got now that he had the upper hand after four plus rounds.

Baku was practically bouncing off the walls, clearly pleased with the current colour being placed down as he held onto his single card tightly. The turn eventually reached Juntae who placed down a special card, a pair of hands exchanging cards drawn onto its surface. Baku beamed, seeing his chance for revenge.

The special card allowed Juntae to switch his deck with someone else's and he could thus, curse the recipient with the mountain of cards that was his deck.

“Juntae-ah. Take one of these bastard's cards. They've been harassing me all game.” Baku said with a mischievous smile, his eyes squinting as he plotted aloud and pointed at Hyuntak and Suho.

Juntae smiled in response.

“I choose Baku.” He declares.

Hyuntak sees Baku's jaw drop to the floor along with everyone else's. His own eyes wide as he smiles in disbelief.

Juntae reaches over to take the singular card from Baku's hand, which had now loosened its grip due to sheer betrayal. Juntae then proceeds to hand Baku his own army of cards. All with a smile.

“Uno.” He declares, waving the card In front of them.

“Yah!” Baku exclaims with a sulky whine– visibly speechless but not willing to let go of his chance to be babied by Juntae.

The group bursts out in laughter, Suho holding onto his stomach as he flops onto his back, Sieun cracking a smile at the scene and Hyuntak laughing like he had witnessed a monkey be denied a banana.

Juntae's smile turns into a laugh as he puts the card down, stands up and walks over to Baku's side before dropping down beside him. He throws his hands around Baku's neck and hugs him tight– laughter still pouring out of him.

“Im– ha– I'm sorry–” he manages out between laughs.

“You were securing your own victory huh!” Baku yells out with mock offense, his upset demeanor melting a tad bit but still present in an effort to be coddled further.

“No– I–” he tries to stop laughing before he starts speaking again. “It wasn't the plan but I just had a seven so I thought it would be funny.” He says, his chin on Baku’s shoulder and his voice breathless from laughing for far too long.

He hugs onto Baku harder as he chuckles, slightly swaying them both side to side.

“So my misery is funny to you Jun. I see how it is.”

The laughter around them extends into chuckles as Suho springs back into a sitting position.

“Haa, man– that was some super villain shit, Junnie. You sure it wasn't the plan all along?” Suho says with a big grin.

“I swear!” Juntae's voice comes muffled from his place buried in Baku's shoulder.

Baku's hands come up to pat Juntae's back.

“What do I get as an apology gift?” 

Juntae goes still.

“You tell me.” He pulls back to look at him.

“Chocolate chip? And I want a bigger portion.” Baku says with the most serious face he can conjure.

“Deal.” Juntae says, his tone dead serious. 

Silence passes as the group observes their telepathic communication. Baku and Juntae just stare at each other with blank faces– waiting for the other to propose something further.

“And?” Juntae questions.

“Hmm. A kiss? To heal my emotional wounds.” Baku smiles, wide and gloating at getting the attention he seemingly deserves. 

Juntae smiles in amusement before leaning in to kiss Baku's cheek softly. Hyuntak looks onto the scene with a fond smile, finding the whole ordeal endearing more than anything. Baku was always a softie at heart, not that it wasn't obvious to anyone who was willing to look past his seemingly tough exterior. He deserved to have a friend like Juntae who wasn't afraid to show him the affection he needed at times, even if it was over something small. Hyuntak thinks they both deserve that bond, especially after what they've endured from others. 

Juntae pulls back and smiles “Enough?”

“Yup!” Baku beams, seemingly healed like he never acquired his ‘emotional wounds’ in the first place.

Hyuntak and Suho exchange matching looks of amusement. Sieun’s smile makes another faint appearance. “Chocolate chip cookies for the post-match party?” Sieun asks, his question directed at Juntae.

“Mhm.” Juntae confirms as he pulls off of Baku and returns back to his seat.

“How are you so sure you'll win?” Sieun directs his question at Baku this time, his tone slightly teasing mixed in with his usual monotone.

“Sieun-ah. I just got emotionally healed. Please do not wound me again. I beg.” Baku responds with a dramatic hand on his chest, his eyes closed as he shakes his head.

“Don't you have faith in us?” Hyuntak questions with a smirk. “We did make it this far into the finals.” He gloats with his eyebrows raised.

“Yeah yeah. Shut up and let Juntae win already.” Suho remarks from beside him.

Juntae beams as he waits for his turn, the single card in his hand begging to be put down already. When it's finally his turn, he finally puts the card down.

“I win!”

♪⁠～

Hyuntak has a thought.

They're all currently laying on those thin foldable mattresses, multiple of them laid out in a row. Beside him is Juntae, who's currently talking to Sieun– both laying on their sides to face each other. Suho and Baku are laying at the end of the row, currently way too invested in talking about whatever new sports anime Baku recommended.

Meanwhile, Hyuntak is too busy debating with himself.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened today yet a question lingers in his head.

Would it be okay if he asked for a kiss too?

And as soon as he proposes the question to himself, he feels the need to bash his head into the nearest hard object.

It's not like he was jealous or anything of that sort. Juntae normally showed his affection for their friends in a lot of physical ways while still being mindful of what they were comfortable with. He and Baku occasionally kissed each other on the cheek. It would usually happen whenever Baku would get especially happy or excited and Juntae would happily accept the soft pecks to his cheeks, reciprocating with his own.

Hyuntak had also seen Suho casually kiss the crown of Juntae's head whenever he found the younger ‘cute. Like a hamster.’ Juntae would just beam up at him before taking a hold of Suho's hand.

Sieun wasn't an exception either. Hyuntak had seen Sieun leave soft pecks on Juntae's hands when the two got especially affectionate. He would press his lips to Juntae's knuckles, lingering for a second or two before withdrawing and putting on that almost-smile he did. Juntae would respond with a quick peck to Sieun's cheek, followed by him resting his head on Sieun's shoulder– continuing their conversation in hushed and soft tones.

Hyuntak wonders if he's eligible for kissing privileges as well. His face slowly gets warmer as he brings the question into the forefront of his brain.

He knows that the reason Juntae hasn't ever kissed him on the cheek or anything of that sort is because Hyuntak had never initiated physical contact of that kind before. Juntae probably thought that he wasn't comfortable with it. 

But Hyuntak couldn't be any more comfortable with the idea. 

He could just ask but is it wrong to do so while he doesn't exactly have the most platonic feelings for Juntae. Would it be considered wrong to ask for that kind of affection when Hyuntak would take it in a light Juntae might not be comfortable with?

He just doesn't know anymore.

Slowly, the conversation around him pours back into his ears. Suho and Baku had practically fallen asleep– their occasional comments about whatever character they're fussing over sounded slurred and sleepy. 

Juntae and Sieun were still talking in soft-spoken voices. Hyuntak listened in to hear Juntae asking Sieun if he took his supplements after dinner today.

Eventually, silence engulfs the room– punctuated only by the soft whirring of the ceiling fan and the occasional fumbling of someone tossing and turning to find the right position.

Sleep eventually finds him while his arms are wrapped around Juntae, warm and comfortable.

♪⁠～

Breaths came fast as his jaw dropped open from the sheer amount of sensations, moans making their way out and getting muffled against a soft and warm neck. He held onto a familiar frame. The smaller body trembled as broken moans were torn out of it. Hyuntak’s sweatpants were pulled down to around just below his ass while Juntae's were bunched around his knees. 

Juntae's hands trembled as he pulled down the front of his shirt in an attempt to cover the front of his body under the blankets. Hyuntak's hands reached over to stop the smaller's attempt– following downwards to take Juntae's dick in his hand, stroking as best as he could as Juntae arched against him. 

His chest was warm against Juntae's back, his dick feeling even warmer inside melting heat.

“Jun-ah–” he practically whimpered in between moans, experiencing pure uninterrupted bliss. He felt complete, like he could stay here forever and just meld his body to the other's.

Juntae's moans came longer as Hyuntak pushed himself deeper in. He couldn't see Juntae's face like this but he could see the way his neck had turned red and the way his hair had become ruffled in their entanglement. Fuck, he was just too pretty.

“Tak-ah–” Juntae's voice finally managed. 

“Mm.” He responded, practically humping the smaller like a dog in heat– grinding into tightness. He sped up his thrusts, never pulling out more than halfway. The world outside Juntae left him cold and shivering, biting at his skin with its harsh lack of warmth.

“You're– such… haah– a–” Juntae's voice comes high as he tries to breathe properly through it all.

“ –such. a good–ha… boy.” He manages out, smile evident in his voice. “So good– for me… Mm– fuck me so–unhh good.” 

A loud moan escaped Hyuntak. He might've seen stars as he came.

Hyuntak thinks he's become a threat to himself. 

He had gotten another wet dream. While he was sleeping next to Juntae. And the cherry on top was that he had woken up to him practically grinding against Juntae's ass, breathing hard against the younger's neck as he buried his face into it all the while.

He had immediately torn himself away once his flicker of consciousness came back to him and ran to the bathroom, barely saving himself from stumbling over the several sleeping bodies on the floor. 

What. The fuck.

He really has gone insane. Once was something but twice? And what was worse is that he had been right next to Juntae– subjecting him to his own horny subconscious brain. 

Had he woken Juntae up? Fuck. fuck. He looked asleep though. 

But he had done something like… that to Juntae while he was sleeping. To his Jun. 

The door of the bathroom finally clicked shut behind him. Air finally came back into his lungs. He could suddenly feel the wetness in his boxers and it did nothing to help.

He felt uncomfortable, guilty and incredibly embarrassed.

Did he have to keep his distance from now? Just so he didn't have to risk doing something like that to Juntae again? Was his unconscious brain that careless and horny?

Apparently so.

His hands still felt warm where he had been grabbing onto Juntae, trembling slightly as he held them up. 

The guilt from weeks ago came pouring back in. It was fine enough if it was in the privacy of his own room with no one there to get affected by it except for himself. But now, it had affected Juntae– even if he had been asleep, even if Hyuntak had done it unconsciously. It ate at his heart to know that his own brain was tainting something he held so dear.

Keeping his distance it was then. 

♪⁠～

Hyuntak feels his heart being stabbed. Every time he pulls away from Juntae's affection, he feels the way it makes his chest ache with regret. 

He tries to remedy his physical distance by being more affection verbally– calling Juntae by increasingly affectionate nicknames, complimenting him almost incessantly, celebrating even the smallest of his achievements even if it's just Juntae landing an empty soda can into a far away trashcan. He wants to still be there for him, even if he has to limit their physicality with each other. But– maybe that's just him being selfish, wanting Juntae close emotionally rather than physically.

At first, Juntae just seems a bit confused. 

And then, Hyuntak sees the way Juntae reaches out less. Smiles up at him instead of reaching out to hold onto him. 

And somewhere through this attempt at getting himself in line, he feels the need to go back. He wants to turn around, run back and collapse into that comforting embrace without feeling guilty. Hyuntak misses it. Misses the light weight of Juntae's hand in his. Misses the way he felt so connected and fulfilled, like he felt complete. Sometimes Juntae unconsciously reaches out to him but stops midway like he just remembered that he was no longer allowed to do so. Sometimes Hyuntak undergoes the same thing. It feels like he's taking a chunk of his heart and ripping it out. 

At least it seemed to have worked on his dreams. He hasn't had dreams like that in days. Or any dreams for that matter. 

His physical retreat hasn't gone unnoticed by his friends though. He gets pulled aside one day by them for an intervention. He's seated on the couch of Sieun’s living room while they all surround him like he's a dog who made a mess and now he's facing the consequences. Not too far off he supposed.

“Did you fight with Juntae?” Sieun asks immediately, his tone serious and his expression worried.

“Yeah man, What's up with you two lately?” Suho asks as he sits down beside him, concern etched into his features where there's usually a seemingly carefree smile.

“Why did you fight? Is it something serious?” Baku asks, his usual goofy attitude substituted by a serious expression.

Hyuntak sighs deeply before contemplating his answer. 

“We didn't fight. It's nothing. Really.” He mutters.

“Go Hyuntak.” Sieun warns.

“Just tell us, man. We can try to help. You wanna stay like that with Juntae forever?” Suho asks calmly.

Baku sits down beside him, putting his hand onto Hyuntak's shoulder to offer reassurance. 

Fuck.

How in the hell was he supposed to tell them? 

Of course he didn't want to stay like that with Juntae forever. How could he, when it felt like his chest was caving in on itself every time he avoided his touch.

He covered his face with his hands before groaning into them.

“I–” He starts. “I just don't wanna make him uncomfortable.”

“And why would he be uncomfortable with you?” Sieun questions, still standing in front of him like he's there to personally wring the truth out.

“I did something. And it was– bad. I swear I didn't do it on purpose. But I still did it, and I– I just didn't want it to happen again. I don't wanna do anything bad to him.” He says from behind his hands before he finally drops them from his face and stares at the ground.

“We get that but… what exactly did you do?” Suho questions.

He releases a breath he didn't know he was holding.

“Remember the weekend when we slept over at your house?” He turns to Suho, who has a puzzled expression on his face. “The night we played Uno.” 

That seems to ring a bell for the other three as they nod along.

“Well I uhm– I kinda got a weird dream about Juntae and– I've gotten that kind of dream before too but… this time I woke up to me…” he paused to find the right words. “...being overly touchy. While Juntae was sleeping.”

Silence.

“And?” Baku questions.

“You're both always overly touchy.” Sieun retorts.

He should probably provide more detail. But fuck does it pour more scalding guilt down his already burnt throat.

“What kind of dream?” Suho asks suddenly, sensing Hyuntak's hesitation about being specific.

The room goes quiet.

“I– it was… intimate–”

“A wet dream.” Suho clarifies.

Hyuntak immediately goes rigid. He turns to face Suho, his brain being too shocked to hide his bewildered expression.

He snaps his jaw shut. Narrows his eyes. And then sighs. His ears go red out of a mix of embarrassment, guilt and cringe.

“Fine. Yeah." He covers his face with his hands again. “I had a wet dream about him and then I woke up to me grinding on him.” He admits shamefully.

No one speaks for a solid five seconds.

He looks around to see Baku whose eyes are as wide as saucers, Sieun whose neutral expression leaves everything up to the imagination and Suho who just looks at him with a straight face.

“WHAT–” Sieun clamps a hand over Baku's mouth mid scream. Baku grabs at the hand on his mouth and looks at Hyuntak.

“Dude. You know you're making him more upset by avoiding him right?” Suho questions with a raised eyebrow.

“It’ll hurt him more if you're not clear about what's making you act like this.” Sieun's voice comes out soft, like he was coaxing a child to come out of their hiding place.

“But–” 

“Hyuntak.” Sieun's voice comes sharp this time.

“Fine!” He groans.

♪⁠～

He can't go through with it.

How in the hell was he supposed to tell Juntae? 

In what world did the words “oh I had a wet dream about you and accidentally violated you in my sleep” sound good?

Not this one for sure because Hyuntak had gone over the script well over ten times in his head and every single scenario ended badly.

On the one hand, his fear of ruining whatever he had with Juntae was eating him whole. And on the other hand, Sieun looked like he was personally assembling a sniper to take him out with each hour that passed by without him telling Juntae.

He knew Sieun just wanted the best for him and Juntae. He couldn't hold it against him because he knew that Sieun just wanted them to sort out their issues and go back to normal. But how could Sieun be so sure it'll work out? It seemed like he was so sure that Juntae would forgive him. 

That was the one thing that gave him some reassurance but it still seemed like a far away hope.

Could they go back to how they were if he told Juntae the truth? Could he ever have Juntae in that way again? 

Every new question made his brain swirl and his jaw tighten.

Maybe he could go back to how they were. Maybe he could just pretend none of this ever happened. He could practice restraint on himself as long as Juntae wasn't affected negatively. 

But Juntae deserved to know.

Juntae deserved to know that Hyuntak had done something like that to him.

He knew that he'd have to tell him eventually. 

And he was nowhere near ready.

♪⁠～

He held onto Juntae's hand as he led him into the clubroom. He wanted to do this in a better place but he was too impatient. He had finally been able to gather the willpower to explain everything to Juntae before he had the chance to chicken out. It had been a day and a half since his friends had told him to just talk to Juntae, which– in hindsight— he was grateful for. He had needed his friends to push him towards this because there was no way he could go another day without holding Juntae. If he had to see Juntae with that hesitant look on his face one more time, he'd have to shoot himself point-blank. That wouldn't be ideal.

He sat down on the couch and Juntae took a seat beside him, still not holding onto him. He felt incomplete.

“Jun.” He spoke out into the silence, letting it float between them.

“Tak-ah. Can I talk first?” Juntae speaks with a steady voice, his usual softness still present.

“Oh. Uh. Yeah, okay.” Hyuntak keeps looking down, slumped over with his arms resting on his thighs.

“I know you mean well.” He starts off. Hyuntak doesn't have the courage to turn and look at him yet.

“And, I know you think this is the way to protect me. I appreciate you caring so much, Tak-ah.” Juntae's voice goes even softer around the edges. Hyuntak clenches his hands in his lap.

Juntae still thinks so highly of him. If he were to tell him the reason for all this, surely that care would dwindle if not fully disappear. 

“Jun-ah, I–” 

“Please.” Juntae's hand moves to hold onto Hyuntak's clenched fist, prying it open. Fingers intertwined in his, a comforting weight.

“Next time, talk to me first, Tak-ah. Don't make such a decision for me.” 

Hyuntak looked up to face Juntae, finding a nervous yet resolute expression on his face– His eyes were as big as ever. His lips were pressed slightly into a line as he stared into Hyuntak's gaze.

“Jun. You don't know what–”

“I know.”

Hyuntak's eyes widened a fraction, his lips parting.

“What?”

“I– I know. I was– awake. Um. You were saying my name and I was a bit loopy since I'd just woken up so–” Juntae goes quiet, his face red and his eyes avoiding his face.

“So?” He asks impatiently, getting closer to hear the younger better.

“I don't know– I just… pushed back on–” His hold on Hyuntak's hand loosens as he pulls his, now slightly red, hand back. “On– it. So…! I should be the one to apologize and feel guilty. Not you. I'm sorry Tak-ah. If you feel grossed out or anything– I'll try my best to stay away. I'm sorry I didn't apologize earlier. I was just too out of it to remember anything the next morning…”

Hyuntak looks down at his now empty hand.

And then looks back up.

His mouth parts open further.

“Jun.”

“...yeah?”

“You think I'd find it gross? I literally had a wet dream about you!” He exclaims as his hands immediately grab a hold of Juntae's to fully face him.

“Tak-ah!” Juntae tried to hush, his face emanating pure embarrassment.

“Jun-ah!” he exclaimed back loudly with an awe-struck expression.

Silence. His hands awkwardly held onto Juntae's mid-air. Slowly, Juntae lowered both their hands to rest them on both of their thighs, his hold never wavering.

“I was confused at first.” He starts slowly. “But then I tried thinking back on when you started acting differently. I remembered later on but– I didn't know if you were avoiding the topic because you felt grossed out or uncomfortable. Even if you did have a–” he looks away from his gaze. “a dream… about me. Dreams are random sometimes. I just assumed you didn't like seeing… that. Whatever it was.”

“Jun. No. I just didn't want to force something like that onto you.” He squeezes Juntae's hands gently, slowly pulling him closer to force his gaze back onto him.

“I know, Tak-ah. I figured you would've felt too guilty.” Juntae's eyes looked back into his, slightly glossy from the abundance of emotions.

“I'm sorry. I was the one who started it, I would never want you to feel unsafe around me. I didn't even explain anything. I shouldn't have left you guessing like that. How can I protect you when–” His hold on Juntae's hands got tighter.

Was he being dramatic? He felt like a child, throwing a tantrum all by himself.

“I don't feel unsafe around you. You make me feel the safest I've ever felt.”

“I– ...sorry. I'm doing it again.” His jaw sets tightly.

“...Doing what?”, comes a soft question.

“All this overdramatic crap. I'm making it about me again–” he avoids eye contact as his hands lose their grip around Juntae's. “I'm sorry. For this. For everything. For doing this again.”

“Tak.”, comes a surprisingly neutral voice.

“Mm.”

“You're stupid.”

“...I know.”

He looks away and as soon as he does, warm hands come up to hold onto both sides of his face. His face is gently guided to face Juntae again, being met with a serious yet soft expression.

“You're not overdramatic. You're not ‘making this all about yourself’. Stop apologising.” Juntae accentuates each point with a soft shake to Hyuntak's head.

A more relaxed and gentle look washes over Juntae's face as his eyebrows lift and his lips part.

“It's fair for you to think you did something bad. I accept your apology. Please don't burden yourself with this anymore, Tak-ah.” Glossy eyes stare back at him as a short silence falls over them. He can't do anything except to just let it play out.

“I miss you.” Juntae's voice cracks as he says the words.

He feels the same sensation from back then. From when he first spilled out. 

“I'm sor–” Juntae rushes forward to hug him, cutting off his words as his arms wrap around his neck. His own hands move on instinct to hold the younger back, his grip getting increasingly tighter. His fingers feel that familiar burn from the friction of his grip. He buries his head in the side of Juntae's neck, breaths coming out more relaxed than they have in days.

“I missed you too.” He finally manages, his voice muffled into fabric and soft skin.

♪⁠～

Hyuntak had been on cloud nine. Really. It couldn't get any better. Juntae and him had gone back to normal. No, scratch that– it had become better than normal. Juntae had gotten even sweeter– if that was even possible. Hyuntak would get bombarded with back hugs, front hugs and everything in between. 

They both had missed having each other like this, Hyuntak knows he sure did. So, he had to make up for lost time. He had tried to maintain the most casual tone and expression whilst asking Juntae if he was a viable option to receive kisses like the rest of their friends. 

Safe to say, Juntae took the question as free reign to kiss him every chance he got. First, it had been his cheek, then his hands and forehead. 

It really couldn't get any better for Hyuntak. He received every bit of affection with open arms and a lovesick dopey smile, pulling Juntae closer every time.

Of course, it didn't go unnoticed by their friends.

He was sitting in his second intervention, on the same couch and in the same spot in Sieun's house.

Baku and Suho flanked his sides. Sieun was once again looming in front of him. 

“So?” Suho questions.

“So what?” Hyuntak says with a confused but cheery smile.

“Are you and Juntae dating now or what?” Baku asks, popping his head into Hyuntak's peripheral vision.

“What?! No! Why would we be?” Hyuntak sputters, his grip on the seat of the couch getting tighter.

“Didn't you say it was ‘mutual semi-conscious sexual contact’ ?” Suho repeats Hyuntak's attempt at deflection back at him.

“Who the hell calls grinding that by the way? Is Sieun-ah rubbing off on you?” Baku exclaims as he throws his hand around Hyuntak's shoulders. “Oh wait. Ha! Rubbing off! Get it? Like grinding?” Baku laughs like a gremlin near his ear.

“Dude.”, Suho says with a serious expression. “Good one. But don't talk about Sieun and Gotak grinding or I'll punch you.” He points a finger at Baku.

“Noted.” Baku replies with the same stoic expression.

Hyuntak sighs.

“Where's your question?” Hyuntak asks Sieun who's just quietly observing the exchange between his friends.

Sieun shrugs before speaking, his hands hanging limply at his sides and his face devoid of any emotion except maybe a bit of exasperation.

“Don't have one.” 

“Woah.” Hyuntak exclaims with a mockingly shocked tone.

“Actually– I do. Why wouldn't you and Juntae be dating?” Sieun questions with the same blank face.

“Yup. Saw that coming. Anyways, it's not like I confessed my love to him or anything so why would we be dating? It was just a random hormonal moment.” Hyuntak elaborates, his grip getting increasingly tighter on the cloth of the couch. He wished that wasn't the truth. He wished that Juntae reciprocating even while they were half-conscious meant something. But they hadn't addressed it at all. Juntae never mentioned anything about it after that conversation and neither had Hyuntak. So, apparently it didn't matter anymore and he'd do his best to pretend that was the case– no matter how much it made his brain want to explode.

He looks back up to see Sieun staring at him with that same deadpan look. 

“Okay.”, Sieun replies blandly. 

“Can I ask questions now that you and Juntae are good?” Baku asks with a wide smile, excited to finally be able to ask without Sieun shushing him.

Hyuntak rolls his eyes before nodding.

“Gogo. A wet dream? About Juntae?? Where did that even come from, huh? What's your little brain upto??” Baku spits out rapid fire questions as the pointer finger of his free hand pokes at the side of Hyuntak's head.

“Dreams are weird. Not like I wanted to have those kinds of dreams–’ His excuse is cut off by a loud and obnoxiously fake cough from Suho.

“What?”Hyuntak asks as he squints his eyes at Suho.

“ 'Dreams'? Plural?” Suho asks with a wide smile.

“Wait! You did say you had one before too!” Baku squeaks up.

Fuck his friends and their annoyingly vivid memory.

“I must've misspoke.” He defends with an expression that was desperately trying to look unbothered.

“Uh-huh. And do you like Juntae now or…?” Baku asks as he leans closer to Hyuntak, his eyes filled with more questions that he's barely keeping at bay.

The room goes silent as his answer never comes. He looks down, unable to say it aloud yet. He's afraid to make eye contact with any of them because the look on his face will surely give him away. 

He's not upset at the truth. It just feels like a lot. Too many truths for him to admit at once. 

“Alright. All of you get out of my house, I have to study.” Sieun's voice interrupts the fuzzy thoughts entangling in his head.

“Sieun-ah, I can stay right?” Suho asks with that stupid dopey smile.

“I said, all of you. Out.” He warns.

“Guess I can cross my name off of the worst hospitality list.” Baku says with a pout directed at Sieun.

“Correction: your dad's name is on that list. Not yours.” Suho's voice comes out gently followed by a hand softly patting Hyuntak's head before disappearing. 

“True.” Baku's hand is the next to land on his head, ruffling his hair before dropping down to gently squeeze his shoulder in silent support.

Both Baku and Suho get up to stand on either side of Sieun, the three of them looking down at him with their own version of an ‘it’s okay, we understand’ face. Suho has a soft smile on his face, his eyes gentle as they look down at him– offering silent support and solidarity. Sieun's eyes say all that needs to be said, understanding lying deep beneath them. Baku's smile is one he reserves when his heart is full of care and a hint of worry. His eyes crinkle at the corners slightly, endearing and grounding him at the same time.

Hyuntak's gaze flits between the three faces before looking downwards.

“Thanks.” He mutters, his ears getting red at the excessive displays of emotions.

A scoff comes from Suho before Hyuntak is hoisted up by both arms, Suho and Baku smiling back at him from either side as he's forced to stand. He lets himself be dragged to the door, content and grateful for the people around him.

♪⁠～

“Is this necessary?” Sieun's disgruntled voice comes out muffled from behind Baku's figure as the latter fixes a party hat onto the former's head, ruffling his hair in the process.

“Whose birthday is it?” Baku questions, his hands finally getting the position of the hat right and then gripping onto Sieun's shoulders.

Sieun goes quiet for a bit before answering, clearly unable to deny Baku on his birthday. 

“Yours.” 

“Yup. Now, lighten up.” Baku exclaims loudly, patting Sieun on the back, the smaller of the two exhaling defeatedly.

Setting up the surprise had been… a challenge to say the least. They had picked Juntae's place as the spot to set up the party, seeing as his parents had left for the weekend. Leftover decorations were left strewn across the floor as they scrambled to clean up the place before Baku could arrive. The table was set up with a red cake along with some other small desserts that Juntae had prepared.

Cheers of happy birthday wishes were yelled in unison as Baku walked in, a big grin on his face before he even fully opened the door. He then proceeded to pull all of them into a group hug, smothering them in the process. 

“Wearing party hats is birthday party etiquette Sieun-ah.” Juntae chuckles from beside Sieun, tilting the hat to fix it.

“See! Juntae gets it.” Baku points to the smaller with a wide smile. 

“Yeah yeah. Give some attention to the food too, big guy. It's been waiting for you for a while now.”

Suho pushes Baku towards the cake, clearly too eager to taste the food himself. 

The evening goes by filled with the usual comfortable chaos– laughter that's definitely way too loud, cake smeared across faces and a bit too much food being consumed. 

It feels nice, Hyuntak thinks, to be here, to be with them. The way Baku and him effortlessly fit into these people, regardless of how long they've known them. It feels familiar, like loving and caring for them just comes naturally. He feels it in the way Sieun occasionally lets a slight smile slip onto his exterior, the way Suho sulks about getting a smaller piece of cake, the way Juntae had spent weeks trying to find the perfect gift for Baku. He especially feels it in the way Baku looks at every single one of them with nothing but adoration in his eyes.

Juntae leans into his side near midnight, the rest of their friends in various stages of a food coma except for Sieun who was sitting besides Juntae on the couch. He loops his arm around the smaller, like he always has. Juntae fiddles with Sieun's hand in his lap. 

His voice comes soft and quiet.

“I'm really glad we all met.” 

Hyuntak sees Sieun intertwine his fingers with Juntae's, leaning closer in silent agreement. The collective weight of Juntae and Sieun on his side grounds him. He feels his heart swell with affection, soft and warm like it could lull him to sleep any second. Hyuntak kisses the crown of Juntae's head, his hand detaching from the smaller's waist. He reaches over to Sieun's nape, ruffling the hair there just barely. 

“Me too.” His voice comes muffled against Juntae's hair, quiet but enough for the ones listening.

♪⁠～

Hyuntak had been getting in some extra practice with Baku before the finals. The sky was dark, their surroundings being illuminated by the lights in and outside the court. He sat down to take a breather after a particularly rewarding victory against Baku. Water bottle in hand, water in his mouth and travelling down his throat in nice, cool waves– he had opened his phone. 

“Hey.” He calls out to no one in particular. Baku, who's sitting beside him, turns to look at him, confused and a bit breathless from running around.

“Yeah?”

“...Pinch me.” Hyuntak mutters after five solid seconds of silence, eyes unblinking and staring down at his phone.

Baku scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Dude. You won. You don't need to check if it's a dream. Stop rubbing it in.” He mutters with a pout.

“I think I'm being fucked with.” Hyuntak mutters in a dazed tone, eyes still unblinking.

Baku's expression changes from annoyance to confusion, leaning forward to check what was on Hyuntak's phone. Hyuntak immediately turns his phone away, shoving it into his pocket.

“What–” Baku mumbles, confusion evident.

“It's nothing. Let's go another round and call it quits for today, okay?” Hyuntak says quickly, his tone hurried and a bit strained.

“Okay?” Baku replies as Hyuntak stands up. 

“Show me what's on your phone first!” He yells after Hyuntak from his place on the ground.

He gets a response in the form of a basketball thrown into his lap and a second round that ends in his victory. Guess all he needed was for Hyuntak to get distracted.

♪⁠～

It was normal for Juntae to send him selfies. Cute outfits he had put together for their hangouts, any hairstyle or makeup he tried out in the comfort of his room, a picture with a new figure he got, a sleepy selfie before bed or one after he woke up, with him sporting a cute bed-head. They were all the norm– though they did trigger an intense cuteness aggression and he would end up squishing the nearest person's face, which would almost always end up being Baku.

He didn't know how the leap from those pictures was made to… this.

He had been staring at the same sequence of texts for over half an hour at this point.

                                      Jun-ah

: sieunnie said he'll just get it from you tmr

: don't worry and focus on your practice for now Tak-ah 

: good luck!!（ﾉ｡≧◇≦）ﾉ

                                                                          Okay got it :

                                                            Thanks Jun-ah 💙 :

: ofc! ✿

: oh! also

: [image]

: I'll give this back to you tmr (๑･◡･)

He thinks he's being fucked with.

Because there on his screen, was a picture of Juntae sitting on his bed, wearing Hyuntak's blue hoodie– probably one of many he had left over at Juntae's house. The front of the fabric had been pulled forward by a hand he was very familiar with. What the fabric left uncovered were smooth thighs, hips and sock-covered legs. The very same thighs he had dreamt about, hips he fantasized about holding onto. It was a mirror selfie with Juntae's face conveniently covered by the phone in his hand. The fabric barely held onto Juntae's shoulders, dipping off of one side and revealing familiar collarbones. His hair looked ruffled and like he had rolled through his bed several times.

Initially, he had only gotten a quick glance at the picture at the court. He had hurried home, rushed upstairs to his room and locked the door behind him. When he had gotten a proper look at the picture in the privacy of his own room, his phone felt like it would burn through his hand. He immediately dropped it onto his bed and stood at least five feet away, pacing back and forth around his room.

Before he gave in and rushed back.

Is he reading this the wrong way?

Is he not supposed to get a boner from this? 

What was he supposed to reply with? ‘nice pic bro’ ?

Juntae was surely messing with him. There was no way he didn't know how Hyuntak would take this, right? 

He'll have to wait and see, he guesses.

For now, he's content in just staring at the picture to memorize every detail and then taking care of his increasingly aching dick.

♪⁠～

Is he the crazy one? Or is the universe playing a ginormous prank on him?

He'd arrived expecting something. He doesn't know what that ‘something’ was, but he definitely wanted clarification that he wasn't just reading everything wrong. Turns out he might've done exactly that.

Juntae hadn't acted differently at all. Just gave him a peck on the cheek when Hyuntak had walked into Suho's house and pulled him to sit on the sofa where the rest were waiting to press play to the show they'd started together. 

He was sitting in between Suho and Baku, both of which were the ones who were the most eager to start this new sports anime. Well– Suho was more so just curious and Baku wanted to prove that Slam dunk was in fact the best sports anime. 

Sieun sat in between Juntae and Suho. Juntae kept periodically whispering something to Sieun, who would scoff good-naturedly in response.

It all seemed normal. 

Okay, maybe he could use this time to spiral a bit.

Hyuntak stared blankly at the screen, his focus back onto the matter at hand.

Now that he thinks about it, it's not weird to see another guy half-naked. He saw that all the time in the locker rooms and, hell, even out on the court when the weather got too warm. He's probably taking it the wrong way because he doesn't exactly view Juntae in the most platonic way. 

Yeah. That makes sense. 

“Dude.” Hyuntak side-whispers to Suho.

“Hm?” Suho responds, offering less than half of his attention– his gaze not even leaving the TV screen.

“Would you send me a selfie of you with your pants off?” 

Suho's gaze snaps towards him, his face expressionless save for his eyes which are slowly filling up with more and more confusion. His eyebrows scrunch up as his lips part. 

“What?”

“Like– a half-naked selfie.” Hyuntak elaborates.

Suho stares at him with the same confused look before grabbing his hand. He then takes his gaze off of him and looks around at the others on the Couch.

“Me and Gotak are gonna get more snacks.” He whispers to the others and receives nods in return.

Suho stands up and pulls Hyuntak up with him. Hyuntak is then guided into Suho's room. He goes along with it without saying much, only the occasional confused ‘uh’ and ‘dude?’.

As they make it into Suho's room, he pushes the door shut behind him. Suho turns to him with the calmest face he can measure.

“Dude. I love you. But what is the context to that question?” Suho asks, his hand finally letting go of Hyuntak's before promptly landing onto his shoulder.

“Answer first.” Hyuntak insists. He needs to know if this is supposed to be normal between friends– even though the logical side of his brain says it's most definitely not.

“No? Well– maybe if I wanted to show off? But not with my pants off.” Suho laughs at the implications of the last part, failing to hold back his confused amusement at the ridiculously random question. And maybe Hyuntak's unusually stoic expression makes it more funny.

“Would you send it to Sieun?” 

“Woah.” 

“Well?” 

“Gotak. Dude. What happened?” An incredulous smirk makes its way onto Suho's face.

“I dunno man! I'm freaking out!” Hyuntak's calm demeanor finally slips, his confusion and frustration making themselves evident. “Juntae– he–” he freezes and looks at the door behind him before turning back to Suho. “He sent me a selfie and– well... ya know...” He whispers to Suho, hoping that the latter gets what he's insinuating. Though, his rapidly reddening ears probably make it obvious. 

Judging by the way Suho's mouth drops open followed by a wide smile– he gets it.

“You're kidding.” He says incredulously.

Hyuntak makes a sort of disgruntled expression, his hand coming up to cover his face as he turns away from Suho.

“Juntae did that? As in Seo Juntae?” He instigates, shoving his face into Hyuntak's covered one. He laughs, clearly way too shocked and amused. Hyuntak drops the hand from his face and snaps his head back to look at Suho, making the latter pull his face back– grin still ever-present.

“Just– tell me what I should do, man! Is this normal between friends? Am I being dramatic?” Hyuntak blurts out, his expression distraught and a bit shell-shocked.

“Okay first off, you're not being dramatic. Secondly, that is not platonic. Well– it could be but given you guys’ context, it's not platonic.” Suho clarifies with a serious tone, like he's an army sergeant drilling protocols into a new recruit.

“And as for what you should do… just let it happen.” 

Both of them stare at each other, silence way too heavy before Hyuntak practically squawks, “the fuck?” His eyes brows shoot up and his eyes squint as he looks at Suho, who's looking at him with a mixture of amusement and an insight of the future. He's really not sure how to take that. 

“Trust me, man. It's for the best. Just sit back and enjoy.” Suho pats his shoulder before dropping his hand back to his side and walking towards the door.

Great.

♪⁠～

It was nice to get confirmation that he wasn't just being a pervert. Well– if Suho's opinion meant confirmation that is. Regardless, it made him feel less like a creep. Though, Suho's words did remind him of another issue at hand. 

Feelings.

Of course he's well aware of the fact that what he feels for Juntae isn't exactly platonic, but Suho had basically insinuated that Juntae hadn't had the most platonic intentions in mind either. And honestly, the thought would have sounded deluded to Hyuntak a few days prior. 

But– as he laid on his bed, unable to get explicit thoughts out of his head, he was starting to doubt that. 

He hadn't ever thought of himself to be so… pent up. But apparently, his body greatly disagreed. On one hand, he felt as if he was tainting something sacred. On the other hand though, he had no one but Juntae to blame for this.

Surely, Juntae had known.

So, Hyuntak would play along and if his sanity is left intact afterwards– that would be his greatest feat yet.

♪⁠～

The next picture that comes in is infinitely worse. Or better in his opinion.

It's the same mirror. Juntae's back is propped up against his closet door, one of his hands is holding the camera while the other holds onto the backsides of his knees to keep his lower legs in the air, socked feet dangling above. A large half-sleeved shirt rests onto his smaller frame, the front of the shirt being squished in between his thighs to cover his crotch. His ass was in full view, begging to be bitten. 

Hyuntak thinks this might actually be it. He was dying. 

He had jerked off a total of three times. He felt way too overstimulated and the room now smelt of cum, discarded tissues littered around the room to emphasize his depravity.

The chat sits open on his phone as he lays splayed out onto his bed, out of breath and a bit disgruntled. 

He had dropped his phone onto his face as soon as he saw the text, groaning into the expanse of his room. 

                                      Jun-ah

: [image]

: the socks you bought me fit so well

: (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠) 

                                                                                        oh :

                                                                               I'm glad :

                                                                   They look cute :

: ikr! 

It had taken him an abnormal amount of time to reply, mainly because he was, yet again, shell-shocked. He tried thinking straight, his sleep-addled brain struggling to keep up but despite his best efforts, his thoughts kept straying. 

When had Juntae gotten so bold? 

Maybe shameless would be the right word. For both of them considering how much the display turned him on. 

The fact that it was his sweet Jun sending him pictures like that, the fact that he'd left the choice up to Hyuntak– to leave the door open and see if he'd dare to walk through. 

He saw the quiet amusement swirling in Juntae's eyes, paired with a dimpled smile that definitely knew what it did to Hyuntak's heart. Every time his eyes wandered to places he'd only seen on his phone screen, he knew that Juntae saw his drifting gaze– smiling knowingly whenever Hyuntak got caught.

And maybe he shouldn't find that as appealing as he does. 

♪⁠～

“You're distracted.” 

Baku's voice comes neutral, not mad or reprimanding, but instead like he's pointing out something obvious.

Hyuntak sighs, frustrated at how easily his focus diverts nowadays.

Suho gives him a once-over from beside him on the bench. He'd been coming to watch them practice a lot recently. Whenever he'd find the time, he'd be there, waving at them from afar with a bright smile on his face and hurling the occasional critique with a shout.

“Maybe you should talk to him.” Suho suggests lightly, facing forward with his arms on his knees.

“Who?” Baku immediately questions, peeking his head out to look at Suho from beside Hyuntak.

“Aren't you the one who told me to ‘sit back and enjoy’ “, he replies in a mocking tone, air quotes and all.

He feels his patience wearing thin, confusion, temptation and frustration mixing into a bubble that feels close to popping. If he's met with another knowingly amused look, he might just go insane. 

“Enjoy what?” A voice comes from behind them, familiar arms reaching down to encircle his shoulders. A small chest presses against his nape. He turns ever so slightly to see the face that might as well be branded onto his brain. 

He sees that look. Between the muffled conversations around them, Juntae looks at him as if he's– cute. Like it's adorable to see Hyuntak squirm.

Before he knows it, he's grabbing onto Juntae and dragging him away. He's too fuzzy-headed to notice Sieun in their way, bolting past him towards the clubroom. His pulse sounds in his ears, which he's sure are bright red by now. Juntae follows him without question, his hand tight in Hyuntak's grip.

He doesn't bother with the lights, crowding Juntae against the closed door immediately. His hand holds onto the smaller’s nape, forcing him to look up at him. Frustration floods through him, angry at the fact that he's being played with and especially at the fact that he finds himself enjoying it.

“You're having a lot of fun with this.” 

That gets Juntae to smile, small but mockingly amused. Juntae looks up at him with a look in his eyes that has him squirming internally, his anger losing its grip slowly but surely. 

“Mhm.” His voice comes characteristically soft, but it sounds completely different to him now– mirth palpable in his tone. He's looking at him like that again, like he finds Hyuntak utterly adorable.

“Though, I'm sorry if I distracted you too much. I don't want you to be overwhelmed, so I'll stop. Promise.” He reaches up then, cupping Hyuntak's face and pulling it down a bit to land a kiss onto his cheek. He withdraws with a smile, seconds away from laughing.

Hyuntak feels his patience snap, the tear so big that he might not be able to ever repair it. 

“Yeah?” He questions through gritted teeth, a strained smile making its way onto his face. His expression drops then, unable to keep it to himself anymore. He already started talking so why stop there?

“You knew, didn't you?” 

“So did you. We both knew.” 

And they both probably did. Maybe the softness they preserved for each other was a bit too transparent. 

He stares into those eyes before he can't take it. He looks off to the side with a half-hearted scoff.

“You're mean.” 

Juntae giggles, redirecting Hyuntak's face back at him. His hand then directs Hyuntak's to his waist, giving him an open invitation like he'd been doing for the past few days. 

Hyuntak pouts, fucking pouts. He feels himself cringe internally yet he can't wipe the pathetic look off of his face, wanting to be coo’ed at. It felt a bit humiliating but the feeling was overridden ten folds by the need to be coddled. It was compensation, he thinks, for the frustration he'd felt so far.

“Fuck.” He leans down to hide his face into the crook of Juntae's neck, the smaller of the two laughing at his embarrassment.

Loads lift off his chest at the sound, light and utterly delighted. Coherency returns to him as he realizes that they finally mentioned it. How they feel. Out loud. He melts into the embrace, hugging the smaller as close as possible.

“Should I say it?” Juntae's voice comes muffled against his shoulder, quiet but still cheery.

He squeezes harder in response, shuffling his head closer. He feels a laugh travel through Juntae's body and wonders what's so funny.

“I like you, Tak-ah. And ‘like’ is honestly an understatement.” 

Fingers curl into his hair, arms hugging his head close. 

Was this happening? In the clubroom of all places? And on a random Tuesday? He felt incredibly dazed, part of him thinking that he's currently dreaming. It felt too sudden. After all that build up, he didn't expect it to be this… quiet. But– he likes the way it feels so distinctly sweet, so distinctly… ‘Juntae’. 

“Me too.” He mumbles against the smaller's neck.

“Yeah?” 

“I like you. So fucking much. It's like you put me under a spell or some shit.” His voice comes whiny even to his own ears and it just makes him more embarrassed. And was he always this fucking cheesy?

“Guess the spell worked then huh?” Juntae giggles, cupping Hyuntak's face and prying it off his neck– much to Hyuntak's dismay. He sees the smaller’s hand move to remove his glasses, putting them into his pocket before moving to hold onto his face with both hands again. 

They both pause.

He feels the sudden pressure of soft lips against his. His heart, honest as all hell, skips a beat. It lasts longer than any pecks on the cheek and has his stomach doing flips. His whole body feels like it's on fire, feeling something he could only ever dream of whilst filled with guilt. They're so warm and soft he could fucking die. He smells Juntae's fabric softener, mixed with the new perfume he had gotten, smelling distinctly of jasmine. 

He doesn't know when he had closed his eyes or when his hold on the smaller had gotten so tight. Juntae pulls away, tapping hurriedly on Hyuntak's shoulder.

“Ah. Sorry.” His own voice sounds so uncharacteristically timid, it confuses him yet he can't be bothered to dwell on it. He loosens his hold, looking down at Juntae as the smaller catches his breath, equally as dazed and flustered as him.

Those sparkly eyes look back up at him before he has his arms full of Juntae again, clinging to him tightly. He hugs him back, both of them not speaking a word.

Because they finally did it. 

They finally said it.

He finally said it.

And he doesn't know when his frustration had dissipated, but he doesn't mind in the slightest.

♪⁠～

“I dreamt about you.”

It's dimly lit where he lays, tangled in the warm embrace of soft blankets that smell familiar. 

“Was it the one where I stuffed my face again?” Juntae's voice comes from within Hyuntak's hold, his back pressed up against the larger’s chest.

Hyuntak had gotten quite a few dreams consisting of just Juntae's cute habits. Cheeks full with big bites, eyes blinking in that distinct pattern, backpack bouncing when he runs to catch up with someone. Though, this one was a bit different.

He chuckles against the soft skin of Juntae's neck. 

“No. I– …I was falling through the sky for some reason and I kept looking down all scared. But then I looked up and saw you in front of me. You weren't looking down at all and just smiled at me and held my hands as we fell.” His voice comes out quiet against warm skin, rambling on without a care in the world.

He remembers the way colour had finally bled into his vision as he saw Juntae smile. The dream had been full of sharp gloominess, the ground far away but endlessly dark. The clouds around him were suffocating, closing in around him to fog up his vision. Yet, as soon as he was held by those hands— as soon as that gentle gaze was directed straight at him, he was no longer scared. Even in something as feeble as a dream, he had felt the immense relief and warmth flood him. He could finally see the endless colour on the ground, yet he never touched it. The clouds brushed up against him, soft as they slowed both of their falls. 

The sky's suffocating emptiness was filled. Not by stars, but by the one in front of him.

Juntae giggles lightly before sliding his hand onto the one around his waist. He intertwines their fingers, the soft pads of his fingertips meeting the slightly calloused skin of Hyuntak's hand. “Sounds romantic.” 

“Mm. You were–” 

Everything I want and more. You were more colourful than the ground. You held me softer than any cloud. You were prettier than anything I could see in the sky. You made me forget all the reasons I had to ever be scared.

He clings on tighter. 

“ –Beautiful.”

♪⁠～

“Tak-ah, which colour?” 

“Does it matter?” 

“Of course it does!” 

Hyuntak finds himself with a lap-full of Juntae, the characters on his cute animal crossing T-shirt staring up at him in unison with the pretty doe eyes he's accustomed to. Juntae had asked him if they could fulfill his ‘couple’s bucketlist’ and Hyuntak just thought why the hell not? 

He had expected matching shirts, sure, but Juntae putting on lipstick in order to leave marks on him was not something he saw coming. He found the idea cute but his mind couldn't help but drift to the thought of Juntae leaving… other marks on him.

He pushes away the thoughts his horny brain provides him with, instead trying to focus on picking a colour from the ones Juntae shoved into his face.

“I didn't even know they made these in such vibrant colours.” He takes one from the ones Juntae offers, examining its bright blue contents.

“I tried finding colourful ones on purpose. Thought it'd make it more fun.” Juntae giggles, sweet and airy. “I do have ones that are less… rainbow though, if you'd prefer those.” He offers with a small smile, clearly very excited to check something off of his bucket list.

“Which one do you like?” 

“Hmm. I like them all… oh! How about we try all of them?” His eyes light up like he didn't just suggest that they essentially go at it for hours, considering the amount of colours Juntae had bought. Though, Hyuntak doesn't mind that in the slightest. 

“Sure.” He smiles up at the smaller, his hands pulling him closer by the waist.

Juntae smiles before reaching into the pouch, one with a small puppy sewn onto it, and pulls out a long lipstick, the entire length of it shaped like a heart. Flower patterns cover the lower half of the plastic tube. Its gloomy red colour is a stark contrast to the boy in his lap, pastels all over his shirt. Juntae pulls off his glasses, setting them aside before rotating the bottom of the tube and carefully dabbing on a bit of the colour onto his lips. He's looking down, maybe a bit too concentrated on the task at hand. 

Hyuntak stares at the way Juntae presses the object against his lips, the soft skin of them giving in easily against the gentle pressure. He then plops it back into the pouch, setting it aside and finally looking back at Hyuntak. And…

Oh. Wow.

It's just some colour on the lips he's stared at for hours. But it's the way Juntae looks at him. Like he could eat Hyuntak whole and still ask for seconds. His big bright eyes look almost sleepy yet giddy at the same time, eyelashes decorating their sparkles. Hyuntak's hand tightens against Juntae's waist, digging into the fabric of his shirt. 

“You can–” His words are cut short as Juntae moves to join their lips. 

They're as soft as he remembers, though he feels the slight sticky smoothness of the lipstick. It's just a peck. It's all they've done so far yet he could sit here with just their lips connected for an eternity. He inhales breaths that aren't his, graciously given to him by the pretty boy on top of him. 

And suddenly there's an absence of the searing touch, migrating instead to his cheek. Soft pecks land against his cheek, Juntae's hand tilting Hyuntak's head to get easy access. Kisses land beneath his eyes, his jaw, his nose and it feels like being loved in the softest way possible. He pulls the smaller body closer, melting into the embrace. Then, Juntae pulls back, pout visible on lips that are smudged with colour. 

And fuck he looks so pretty. Hyuntak thinks he might be dreaming again.

He sees the smaller boy reach for the pouch, grabbing the same lipstick in a hurry before reapplying it, his hands having a slight tremble as he does so. He stares at Hyuntak's jaw, seemingly uncontent with the results he'd received. 

He goes in again, kissing his jaw and the quiet sound of it sends heat pooling into Hyuntak's gut. He can feel the lipstick on his lips and it does nothing to help his predicament. 

His head is tilted back by a hand at his nape, soft lips landing onto his neck, trailing their way down to his Adam's apple. He swallows hard, fingers tightening around a warm waist. He hears Juntae giggle against his neck, the vibrations embedding into his skin. His ears feel warm, his skin feels like it's bubbling from underneath and he can't help but swallow around the knot in his throat.

He opens his eyes as hands cup his face, tilting his head back to face the smaller boy. 

And if he was having a hard time getting his heart to calm down before, the sight he's met with proves his efforts to be futile. 

Juntae looks elated. Doe-eyes that haven't lost a touch of their focus, a smile that makes his amusement very apparent despite its subtleness. 

“Tak-ah.” He practically whines happily, “You look so pretty right now.” 

What the fuck.

No. Really. What the fuck.

What's he supposed to say to that? With Juntae looking like he walked straight out of one of Hyuntak's wet dreams?

He exhales, his breath stuttering as it leaves his lips. “...Yeah?” 

Juntae's smile grows just a tad wider, eyes crinkling in barely contained giddiness. “Yeah.” 

He then grabs the discarded lipstick without looking, bringing the coloured tip to Hyuntak's lips, its heart shape slightly deformed from Juntae's earlier urgency. He doesn't question it as the sticky smoothness is coated across his lips, just stares at Juntae's hazy expression as he looks down at Hyuntak's lips. 

He looks up then, right as the contact at his lips is seized. Hyuntak's chest constricts, his hands feeling the quick surge of blood through their veins. The lipstick is quickly discarded beside them as Juntae looks at him with a sheepish expression, shy but not willing to withhold his request.

“I– …might not be the best at this, okay?” He leans closer, his voice soft and his breath smelling fruity from the candy he was munching on earlier. 

“What, you're being shy now?” Hyuntak scoffs with a crooked smirk, eyes squinting fondly. 

Juntae's lips part, his expression still hesitant before he slowly tilts his head into a kiss. Their eyes close, breaths mingling into familiar scents that have Hyuntak's head spinning. He feels the soft tip of Juntae's nose against his cheek, his small mouth sticky against his. He expects the usual modest pecks but he's met with the slow opening of the mouth against his. 

He follows Juntae's lead. It's messy, and still very vanilla for a kiss but fuck does it have the best fucking effect on him. He feels those soft lips between his, sticky smooth from the colour staining both of their skin. The wet slide because of their shared saliva has him reeling. He's pretty sure their tongues touch at some point when one of them opens their mouth a bit too much. He feels stolen breaths go into his lungs, they're so warm and so sweet, as if he's swallowing candy. He also tastes the waxy lipstick at some point but he doesn't have half the coherency to pay it any mind.

He unknowingly squeezes Juntae closer, leaning into the kiss, their lips gliding easily against each other’s. 

Wasn't Juntae too good at this?

Or was it Hyuntak's hazy mind that was blurring anything that was unpleasant?

No. There wasn't anything that could be unpleasant about this. About him. He's so perfect. Close in his arms and melting right into him. 

Had Juntae kissed anyone before him? Is that how he had first learned to do this? Had someone else basked in this exhilarating feeling before?

Juntae squeaks against his lips, breath trembling as he taps Hyuntak on the shoulder. His haze is cut short as he instinctively loosens his hold, breathing coming slow. He can feel his pulse through his entire body, his hands pink from the pressure he exerted.

“Ah. Sorry.” His voice cracks, duplicating his embarrassment as he looks up at Juntae. 

He sees skin smeared with a pretty cherry red, pink lips peaking out from underneath the colour. Juntae takes breaths that stutter into the space between them, eyes that look too heavy to keep open. From how close they are, Hyuntak could count all his eyelashes, fanning gently against Juntae's cheeks as he blinks slowly. 

“I did it again. I'm sorry.” 

The focus slowly comes back into Juntae's eyes, lighting up slightly at the sight before him. Hyuntak sees the moment the amusement floods back into that gaze.

“ ‘s okay.” A thumb grazes Hyuntak's bottom lip as Juntae speaks, his voice sounding fond but a bit distracted. “How about another colour—”

“Dude why were—” Suho's voice abruptly cuts through the moment, door swinging open as he looks forward and immediately stills. “ —the. twins... laaauugghhhinggg–” He walks backwards, his gaze unsure on where to land. 

He quickly closes the door with a muttered ‘sorry!’ 

Hyuntak and Juntae face each other again, a bit too caught off guard to speak just yet.

“You didn't lock the door?!”

Juntae's hands raise up slowly and squeeze Hyuntak's face from either side, shaking his head up and down slightly.

He grabs onto Juntae's hands, stopping the dizzying motion his head was being subjected to.

“I thought you did!”

“I thought your family was going to be gone for the evening!”

“They were! I don't know why they're back so early!” 

They stare at each other incredulously, silence encasing them after the short bickering. Juntae drops his hands from Hyuntak's face and covers his own face with them, head falling onto Hyuntak's shoulder.

“I can't believe we did all that while your family was home.” Juntae mutters into his hands, curling into Hyuntak in an attempt to somehow shield himself from the shame and embarrassment.

He reaches to hold the smaller, patting his back in some kind of consolation attempt.

“Why the fuck did Suho come over though? Did we have anything planned today—”

“I am not going back in the rain, man—” Baku's now the one entering his room, his voice loud as Suho stands behind him, trying to stop the other from entering further. Baku freezes as soon as he locks eyes with him and Juntae in an almost identical copy of Suho's earlier predicament.

Hyuntak looks between Baku’s rapidly widening eyes, Suho's guilty expression and Sieun's shocked face— well, as shocked as he could look with his lips slightly parted and eyes wider than usual. 

“Get the fuck out, man!” Hyuntak yells with a rapidly reddening face, or maybe it was the copious amounts of lipstick on his face.

Sieun wordlessly reaches up to grab onto Baku and Suho's collars from behind them and pulls them both out, closing the door as they leave.

Juntae immediately gets up to go and lock the door and then walks back with a disgruntled expression, somewhere between embarrassment level 1 and embarrassment level 10. 

“Guess we can't try all the colours today?” Hyuntak chuckles in a poor attempt to lighten Juntae's mood.

“We have to clean up.” He says as he walks closer, picking up his glasses and putting them back on dejectedly. Then, “Oh! Uh. Could you let me take a few pictures, Tak-ah?” His smile is back, small but paired with sparkly pleading eyes, slow blinking and fluttering of lashes. He knows he won't get denied yet he still asks. 

And who's Hyuntak to deny him?

But he still voices his confusion, “Of… me? Or us?” He asks with a growing smile, reaching out to take a hold of Juntae's wrist and pulling him back into his lap.

“Both.” Juntae replies, reaching out for his phone from beside Hyuntak. He sees the smaller type something first, then suddenly a hand is against his chest and he's pushed back-first onto the bed.

He lets it happen with a confused smile –a tad bit nervous and definitely a bit too into Juntae taking whatever he wants from him.

Juntae straddles him, one hand on Hyuntak's chest for support and the other holding the phone, its lens staring down at him. He feels the hand on his chest travel freely around his neck, face, jaw and lips, thumb caressing every mark on his skin.

The look on Juntae's face doesn't help, a slight smile around parted lips and eyes that look too calm for the situation yet Hyuntak easily spots the glee in them.

He thinks it might take them a while to clean up.

“Why can't we send them away again?”

“Because that'd be cruel, Tak-ah.” Juntae half-heartedly slaps Hyuntak's arm.

Hyuntak hadn't planned on letting his friends know about them in such… an undignified way. Although, it had been entirely his friends’ fault in the first place. He knows that they're all comfortable enough with each other to come over uninvited but a guy could at least knock, ya know? Not to mention, they had disrupted Hyuntak's ascension ceremony. They had finally gotten further after a whole week of just pecks, which– don't get him wrong– were in no way a bad thing. 

His heart fucking soared everytime they held hands or kissed or just merely touched. Even though they had done all of that countless times before, it just felt like more now.

His mushy feelings had been reciprocated, he saw it in the way Juntae didn't hold back anything anymore, now even more open about how he felt. Maybe they both had known before but having it lay bare in front of them and having that confirmation settled any doubts that ate at him.

But– did he appreciate the advancements in his relationship getting interrupted? Fuck no.

He lands a glare at Baku who's hesitating to sit on any piece of furniture in the room.

“I told you we didn't do anything on them!”

“And how am I supposed to trust that, with you looking like a damn tomato!" Baku points straight at him, standing in the dead centre of the room and away from any object. 

“We just kissed! You're acting like my cum is over every surface in here! Ow–” another slap hits against his arm, paired with an embarrassed expression from Juntae.

“Why didn't it fully wash off though? The lipstick I mean.” Sieun's expression is surprisingly calm as he asks the question.

“I think–” Juntae replies with rapidly reddening ears and eyes that are desperately trying not to look at the others in the room. “I think we just used too much.”

Suho whistles at that, much to Juntae's further embarrassment. 

“I knew the switch up you had that day was weird. You walked off like you were gonna shit a brick any second and you came back basically skipping on air.” Baku remarks with a squint to his eyes.

“Well, excuse me for being happy about my relationship, okay?” 

“Someone else was apparently very happy too, hm?” Suho wiggles his eyebrows at Juntae.

“Spare him the embarrassment.” Sieun says, squeezing Suho's arm to quite the other down, much to Juntae's appreciation. 

The room dissolves into their usual banter, loud enough to occupy the room but not overpowering the sound of the rain outside. He hadn't noticed the downpour before, maybe a bit too…distracted to do so. But, as the noise around him muffles, his own voice sounding foreign as he contributes to any conversation, he can't help but notice the warmth still lingering on his skin. His lips feel warm, despite the copious amounts of cold water he had splashed onto them to get rid of the lipstick. The ghost of lips far too soft linger on his skin. 

The buzzing of his phone catches his attention, short vibrations sounding beside him. He reaches for it, sliding the lock open to see a chat notification from Juntae. He looks up suddenly, eyes swiveling across the room to catch onto a familiar gaze. Juntae is looking at him, phone in hand and a look of amusement etched into his soft features.

Hyuntak opens the chat.

His screen is filled with several pictures. Of himself. Miles of his own skin, covered by countless marks of Juntae's lips. Pictures of him and Juntae, faces squished together cheek to cheek. The colour smudged across both of their lips, red and shiny.

Hyuntak looks up from his phone, mouth slightly ajar, and is met with the same amused look before Juntae turns away to talk to the others around them.

He's gonna have to get used to this, isn't he?

♪⁠～

“Isn't that a bit too corny?”

“Of course not. Well– maybe a bit? But I think it's sweet. I like knowing that you care.” 

“You should know that without me telling you.” Hyuntak says softly, his eyes crinkling in amusement at the sight before him.

It had gotten colder, way more than they had anticipated for today, causing their prior plans to fall through. So, he found himself in the warmth of Juntae's room. The smaller had shoved his hands into Hyuntak's sleeves, the stretchy material of Hyuntak's sweater accommodating against the intrusion. 

“I think I did enough of that before we got together.” Juntae pushes closer, staring right at him as the smooth pads of his fingers pressed up against the bare skin of Hyuntak's arms. They both probably looked more than a little bored to anyone who might stumble upon them. 

“Okay, you got me there. Also, your hands are cold.”

“That's why I have them here. Your body heat can warm them up.” He smiles like he just found the excuse of the century. It's so incredibly adorable that Hyuntak thinks it might be worth the icy hands against his skin.

“How long will that take then?” Hyuntak raises an eyebrow, going along with whatever playful mood Juntae was currently in.

“Not long. Maybe we can have a staring competition in the meanwhile.” 

“As if we haven't been in each other's face for the last hour.” He scoffs. 

“I like being all up in your face.” The response is promptly followed by Juntae's cheek squished against his, turning his head to the side with the motion.

The sweet intimacy of it all hits him once again– the realization that he had love incarnate right here in his arms clinging to him like it was the most natural thing in the world. 

He lets out a chuckle, pulling Juntae's arm out of his sleeves and just hugging the other close. 

“Maybe you like me being corny because you're corny.” He mumbles against soft fabric and warm skin.

He's met with a giggle before, “Is that a deal breaker?” 

“Haven't decided yet.” He mumbles with a smile.

A light-hearted slap hits his shoulder as he stifles a laugh. 

“You guys look… cosy.” 

“You can join us, hyung.” 

“No you can't. Keep your cold ass limbs away.”

“Alright, alright, since you insist.” Suho's weight dips the side of the bed as he slides in next to Juntae, a shit-eating grin plastered onto his face.

Alone time with Juntae was starting to seem like a damn luxury at this point so when Suho climbed into bed beside them, Hyuntak kissed his chance goodbye– a chance to talk to Juntae about something. Something very important mind you–

“So, did you two talk about the thing?” 

“What thing?” Juntae faces Suho, turning away from Hyuntak's arms for an excruciating few seconds.

“The selfies–” The palm of his hand slaps onto Suho's mouth, the sound of it loud enough to elicit a flinch from Juntae and an immediate pang of guilt to flow through Hyuntak. But, the panic overrides it. Was Suho fucking stupid? He couldn't talk about that in front of Juntae! He had forgotten the whole ordeal and he was doing a damn good job of delaying ever talking about it to Juntae. 

“Yah! That fucking hurt! And why are your hands so damn hot?” Suho grips rips off the hand on his mouth, his voice sounding incredulous. 

“Tak-ah, what–” 

“A mosquito!”

“...what.”

“Yeah, a mosquito was on Suho's lips. I just saved him from, like, at least ten diseases.” Hyuntak tries to use his poor excuse and even poorer eye-to-eye communication technique to tell Suho to shut the fuck up and change the subject. 

His over-exaggeratedly wide eyes, nose scrunches and increasingly furrowed brows seem to do the trick as realization dawns on Suho's confused face.

“Oh…! Oh. Thanks man.”

“Uh. Guys? This is a really poor attempt at deflection by the way.” Juntae's amused smile becomes visible as Hyuntak looks down at the smaller boy currently in his arms. 

“Uh–” He sputters, his palms getting increasingly tighter in Suho's hold.

“At deflecting the mosquitoes?”, Suho tries.

“No. Nevermind. Don't worry about it.” Juntae just huddles into Hyuntak's chest, voice unusually calm and a stark contrast to Hyuntak's erratic heartbeat. 

Silence fills the room as Hyuntak starts and finishes about six to seven arguments with Suho, all without talking. He might've mastered the art of arguing through eye contact but his mind keeps running miles a second. The prospect of finally talking about something he had shamed himself to forget was… less than exciting. 

And as the three of them laid in Juntae's graciously sized bed, the smaller of the three sandwiched between him and Suho, the cryptic tone of Juntae's words circled his thoughts endlessly. He looks over at Suho, clinging onto Juntae from behind as the smaller of the two remains buried against his side. 

How the fuck was he supposed to not worry?

♪⁠～