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Will was having a panic attack. He could almost always tell, but knowing didn’t stop it from happening. He sat up in bed, trying to stop hyperventilating before he woke Nico, who was sleeping peacefully next to him. He could usually control his breathing and stop the physical symptoms of his anxiety, but not today. He grabbed at his blond hair, and brought his legs to his chest, all the while breathing heavily.
He had to calm down. he had tobreath. Itwas ok itwasok itwasokITWASOKFUCKSTOPSTOPSTOP-
“Will?” Nico sat up next to him in bed. Through his haze of panic he felt bad for waking Nico. He knew it wasn’t bad to need help, especially from his amazing boyfriend, but he was always the helper. That little voice in the back of his always told him that, while it was good to help others, that help wasn’t for him. It told him that he was the only one who could help himself. That the second he needed support, he was a horrible, evil, waste of space.
“Will? Will, are you ok?” Nico asked again. His boyfriend’s voice brought him back to the present.
Will nodded unconvincingly, still hyperventilating loudly.
“No, no you’re not.” Nico reached for Will’s hand. This wasn’t the first panic attack he’d helped his boyfriend through. Unfortunately, it probably wouldn’t be the last. But that was ok. Nico would always be there for him.
“Will.” Nico snapped his fingers to get the panicking man’s attention. “Will, look at me.” Will turned his head toward Nico, still hyperventilating. The tears in his eyes, along with how tightly Will held his legs to his chest, showed just how bad it was.
This wasn’t the worst panic attack he’d seen, (Nico was, after all, a therapist), but any panic attack was bad.
“Will,” He said in his most calming tone, “You are having a panic attack. That’s ok. I’m here for you.” Nico scooted closer to Will, holding his hand tightly.
“Will, I need you to look around the room and say five things that you see. If you can’t say what you see, just think it. Ok?” The room was dim because it was three in the morning, but it was bright enough that they could both see. Besides, they both knew the layout of the apartment bedroom. They’d been living there for over a year now.
“A f-fan,” said Will slowly. “Art supplies.” Will was starting to get a little light-headed from breathing too shallowly.
“Good. Now what else do you see? Three more things, ok?” The young man was calming down a bit. That was progress. Nico squeezed Will’s hand.
“A Mythomagic s-set, books, and-“ Will’s hands were tingling slightly. He whimpered quietly. That was always the worst part of panic attacks, at least for him.
Nico snapped his fingers again. Will looked up from his trembling hands. “One more thing, ok? I love you.”
“I c-can see the door.” Will relaxed his shoulders a tad. That was an improvement.
“Good job, Will. Ok, now I need you to name four things you can touch.”
“The b-blanket, and bed. My, my shirt.” Will was still shaking, but his breathing had slowed a reasonable amount.
“One more thing. I’m right here.”
Will reached out and touched the wall. “I can touch the wall.” That was a full sentence without stuttering. Good. That was good.
“You’re doing great, Will. Can you tell me three things that you can hear?”
“The, uh, the air conditioning. The pipes. Uhhhh-“
“One more thing?”
“T-the tenets below us.” Will was much calmer now. He had relaxed his legs and was slumped against the bed frame.
“Yeah. Ok, now I need you to name two things you can smell.
“I smell cookies and leftover dinner.” Will’s breathing was back to normal now, although he was still shivering a bit. Nico squeezed his boyfriend’s hand and smiled at him.
“Last one. Now, what’s one thing you can taste?”
“You.” Will said, smirking. Nico flushed red, and they kissed.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better, handsome.” Nico said while smiling softly.
“Thanks, Nico. I love you.” Will yawned, and looked around for a clock.
“Ugh, what time is it.” Will yawned again.
“It’s like three in the morning, Care Bear.” Nico yawned.
Will flopped down on the bed. “Fuckkkk. I have work.” Will groaned.
“Same.”
“Oh. I’m sorry for waking you up, Death Boy.”
Nico stared at his boyfriend. “Will, you were having a panic attack. I am completely ok with being woken up when you need help. I fact, would have been sad if you hadn’t been able to talk to me about something like this. If something like this ever happens again, I need you to tell me. I want to help, ok?”
Will didn’t always tell his boyfriend when he had a panic attack. He didn’t want to bother Nico, and he didn’t know how to ask for help. He mostly relied on others noticing something’s wrong. “I don’t, I-“
Nico’s eyes widened. “Sunshine, have you had panic attacks you haven’t told me about?”
“I-I didn’t want to wake you…” he mumbled lamely. His throat burned with shame.
“Will.”
“Yes?”
“I need you to promise that you’ll always tell me, ok? Please?” Nico stared intently at his boyfriend.
“Ok. I’ll always tell you. I’m sorry I didn’t before.” Will squeezed Nico’s hand and kissed his boyfriend’s black hair. “Now let’s go to bed, Death Breath,” Nico smiled at the pet name. “It’s almost four, and we both have work in the morning.”
They both got back under the sheets, and Nico spooned Will until they both fell asleep.