Chapter Text
Mike has never sulked so hard in his life. I mean to be honest this is the most pissed off he’s ever been. Robin had practically kidnapped him, then repeatedly playing Good Luck, Babe, and screaming you have to stop the world just to stop the feeling at him. Fuck her. He was half-convinced that she only liked Chappell Roan because she’s also a lesbian redhead. Fuck lesbian redheads. “Okay, Robin, enough!” Robin, instead of stopping, giggles at him.
“What’s wrong, Mike? Don’t like Chappell Roan?”
“I don’t like your pointed screaming in my ear.” She laughs again then tries to wipe away the smirk she can’t get rid of with her brain. She glances over at Mike– pissy and not having any of it– and has to scrub away her smirk all over again.
“Don’t be so pointable then,” she punctuates with a jab to his side. Mike scoots away while grimacing.
“You are the worst kidnapper ever.”
“You entered the car willingly.”
“After being threatened with having no guac in my bowl,” Mike rolls his eyes and Robin laughs at him for the third time today.
“You should join the circus, because you’d make everyone laugh.” Mike doesn’t say anything but just gives her a dirty look.
“Can you just change the song? Please.”
“If you say so, she says with a theatrical smirk.” The next song is fine for a little while until the lyrics start.
“What the hell is this?”
“Andrew in Drag,” she says with a smug look.
“Why are you evil?”
“Something about the red hair.”
Meanwhile, back at the Party’s house, Will sat on the couch, head stuck in his phone while Max talked at him pointlessly. “You are so useless.”
“What? I swear I’m paying attention.”
“I hate men,” she groans, running her hands through her hair so she has something to do with herself. “Can you please pay attention while I complain about my relationship issues?”
“I told you I am. And there’s nothing wrong with your relationship.”
“Yes, there is. You would know if you were listening.”
“I was listening, I think you just like being difficult.”
“No, William. I mean, it’s just ridiculous that he told me he wouldn’t carry me uphill in the snow for five miles to school if we had to go five miles uphill in the snow to get to school.”
“I think you’re being ridiculous.” Max rolls her eyes and Will releases an annoyed breath. “Did he say he would drive you?”
“Shut up, that’s not the point.” Max groans again and kicks Will because he was nose-diving back into his phone conversation. “Who’s the guy?”
“Excuse me? I have more depth than just men. Maybe I’m reading a really interesting recipe.”
“Who’s the guy?” Will acquiesces and shifts his demeanor into that of storytelling.
“Remember Chance from the basketball team in Hawkins?” Max looks like she has no idea what the hell he’s talking about, but Lucas speaks up from behind them both.
“Chance? One time, he got drunk and hit a blinker in the same night. He then proceeded to lick Jason and tell him he tasted like if the Blue Razz had a baby with Pink Whitney stars,” he laughs through the last few words. “ Whatever the hell that meant. What happened with Chance, though?”
“Well, it turns out he got scouted by some old dude from UPENN, and he lives nearby. Then we started talking. And also, it turns out he used to like me. So, I wonder if maybe we can kindle some flames and…”
“He’ll like you now,” Max finishes for him. “I wish I had a man who likes me.”
“Dude, I literally love you.” Lucas steps closer to the couch she is on. He stands behind her, looking incredulous. Max scoffs.
“You don’t love me enough to carry me uphill in the snow for five miles to get to school,” she says, her tongue laced with vitriol that they all know does not actually exist.
“Because I have a car! We would take the car, Max!”
“What if the car was broken?”
“Uber.”
“And if there was no Uber?”
“Then we take the bus.”
“What if the only option was to walk? Would you carry me?”
“Yes, Max,” he relents with a chest-deep sigh. “I would carry you five miles uphill in the snow to get to school. Then, I would sweep you off your feet and say I love you and beg you to date me forever,” he finishes with a monotone voice. “Happy?”
“Yeah.” She pulls him onto the couch with her, and his breath catches. He tries to brace himself on the couch as to not crush Max under his weight.
“You guys are gross.”
“You’re talking to a man who got so fucked up he licked his own teammate,” Max counters.
“At least it wasn’t an opposing team member.” Will shrugs and slips back into conversation with Chance. “Should I invite him over? He asked to hang out. Plus, if he’s secretly a 50-year-old who likes to wear the well-moisturised skin of gay men, he can’t murder all of us.”
“I don’t like the way you think,” Lucas says with a shudder.
“No, he has a point. Murder is very bad for someone like Will. He would die.”
“Max gets it.” Will raises his hand for a high-five, and Max reciprocates while Lucas looks so confused by the entire interaction.
“Two deeply disturbed individuals,” he sighs.
“Two incredibly sexy individuals,” Max retorts.
“Two highly intelligent individuals,” Will adds, waggling his eyebrows at the couple on the couch next to him. They sit in silence for a moment. “But seriously, invite him over or nah?”
“Do it. I don’t see why not.”
“You gotta watch out for Michael Helicopter-Bestie Wheeler,” Lucas sighs, which draws a laugh out of Max. “Who is this guy? How can we trust him?” He mocks Mike’s suspicious voice.
“No, Will, trust me, you have to drop every man who’s ever cared about you because I sometimes show that I care about you,” Max bounces off of Lucas. A chill runs down Will’s spine. He wishes this did not make him think of how Mike is suspiciously suspicious of every man Will has ever even looked at with a trace of attraction. It’s safer to never think about what that means.
“Trust me, Will, I know best. Don’t even think about what anyone else has to say,” Lucas mimics that soft voice Mike reserves only for reassuring Will.
“Enough, you two,” Will says, now reddening as he imagines this exact thing happening.
“Will, Will,” Max begins.
“Will, Will,” Lucas mimics as they both try to hold in laughs.
“Shut up!” Will yells at them because they would probably go on for hours. Sometimes it was annoying how they so easily got carried away with each other. Their energies bounce back and forth in an effortlessness achieved only by the common law marriage that they have.
Max and Lucas do shut up for a second and then burst into intense laughter that ricochets throughout the house.
Then a door opens, and Steve stomps out, still in his Friday the 13th pajamas.
“Hey, children. Love you guys, but please shut the fuck up so I can sleep. Thank you.”
“Nice PJs,” Lucas says as he turns to walk away. Steve groans, but he doesn’t stop walking back to his room. “Dude had a long night, as Max and I heard through the wall.” Lucas looks as if he’s having PTSD flashbacks, and then a body-racking shudder runs through him. “Walls are paper-thin, man.”
“Ten bucks says the paramour is still in his bed,” Will says, unable to hold back an amused huff of breath.
“Thirty says it’s Jonathan.” Will groans at Max’s remark and looks at her with disgust.
“Dude, that’s my brother.” Will punches Max in the arm, and Lucas laughs at the exchange.
“What did I say about her being a deeply disturbed and mentally ill individual?” Lucas suggests.
“Watch it, Mister. I’m not afraid to shave your head while you’re sleeping.” Lucas touches his hair protectively and looks at Max with a faux-deep hurt. His eyes say you wouldn’t dare and her eyes say try me.
“Stop being a couple for five minutes please.” Will groans at them. “You guys are so gross.” Will taps his phone to check for notifications, but has none. “Where’s Dustin? I need someone to agree that you guys are too couple-y.”
“I think he had some meeting about weird nerd stuff,” Max says with a shrug.
“Keep in mind, we met because of how much of a vehement gamer you are.”
“Shut up and go kiss a man or something,” Max says with an eye roll.
“Homophobe.”
“Twink.” Will doesn’t respond but just throws a pillow at her.
“Maybe I’ll invite him over for lunch with us. Ask him how he likes his Chipotle. Pay for it.” Will shoots him a text asking.
“Invite him to stay over, kiss his gross bean-tasting mouth.”
“I’m sorry for doubting you, Lucas. Max is deeply disturbed.”
“Sorry, would you prefer the queso aftertaste?” Will tries not to gag and just throws another pillow at Max. Since he no longer has any pillows of his own to sit on, he decides to get up and call Robin to get Chance a bowl.
“Who is this guy, and how can we trust him? I mean, he gets pinto beans. And he doesn’t even add guac. And he doesn’t like the pico. This guy cannot be trusted.”
“Relax, Mikey-Mike. Let your boyfriend have a boyfriend. One who actually acknowledges him, y’know?”
“I appreciate this ride, Robin, but you know what? You aren’t much of a DJ anymore. Especially when with every song you attempt to call me a repressed homosexual. And Will is not my boyfriend. We’re best friends. Childhood best friends. And you know what? You’re a pervert for putting it another way.” Robin is not offended at all but rather amused at Mike’s comments. She almost bursts out laughing, but squashes it down to an amused huff of air, a very large huff, however.
“You are something else, Mickey.”
“What’s up with the weird nicknames, Robbie?”
“It’s endearment. Something to sweeten the bitter life of the internally homophobic little gay man.”
“I literally hate you.”
“Shut up, I’m paying for your bowl.” Mike groans but shuts up.
“This dude just sounds evil. He’s a college basketball player.”
“How do you know this?”
“Will said he’s Chance from our school. Chance plays college basketball for UPENN. He was on the team with Lucas.”
“Again, how do you know he’s on the team for UPENN?”
“Because he used to like Will. So I kinda stalked him for a while. To make sure Will was safe.”
“I was once like you, little man. But you know what I realized, my young Mike-and-Ike?”
“What?”
“I’m a girl-kisser. And, my dear friend, you’re a boy-kisser.”
“I don’t kiss boys.”
“Would you kiss Will?” Mike is quiet for far too long. “You are a boy-kisser.”
“I wouldn’t say no if Will wanted to kiss me. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I did it once. When we were younger. I yelled at him because of how I felt about… Eleven.” It was still a bit of a sore spot. Even though Mike didn’t love El the way she loved him, her fate is still tragic to everyone in the group.
“Michael, please. If you’d let your same-sex best friend kiss you, you are about as straight as Steve. At least a little bisexual.” She avoids the topic of Eleven altogether, having not known her that well. Mike groans into his hand at the thought of being at least a little bisexual.
“You don’t know what I am.”
“Only one person in this world can tell you what you are,” Robin says, pointing at Mike’s chest.
“Me?”
“No, me.” Robin lets that sit for a minute, but then ruins the moment. “Sue Sylvester.”
“Did you just fucking quote Glee at me?”
“It fits.”
“I literally hate you.” Robin blows him a kiss and pulls into a parking spot near the entrance.
“Onwards and forwards, Mickey-boy.” Mike looks at her in judgment and continues on with his day.
They get their bowls without much struggle. Mike does have to call Dustin to see if he’d be back in time for lunch. He was at some rich-nerd meeting, Mike had decided and told Robin. Mike isn’t quite sure what Dustin has been up to lately. But he was always way smarter and involved in all those things than the rest of the Party. Dustin really was going somewhere. It was like watching your little boy grow up so fast. Except they grew up together, and Dustin went from this baby with no teeth to making deals with rich nerds that drank Diet Coke in their Rochester apartments and had degrees in fields of tech nobody else has ever heard of. And soon Dustin would be one of them.
Mike’s heart stutters at the thought of them splitting up. He loved the way they had it. All of them living in Robin’s late uncle’s house. Waking up to each other. There not being enough rooms, so Will would have to sleep in Mike’s. Even though the blowup mattress hurt Mike’s back, he would never let Will sleep in anything but the utmost conditions. The two of them drew the short straw, which meant they had to share the room, but Mike would make sure his best friend was as comfortable as possible.
“Look alive, Mikey-Mike. I’m not carrying all this shit by myself.” Mike rolls his eyes, but picks up one of the paper bags full of the Party’s lunch.
The quiet back was calm, Robin decided to stop attacking Mike and just chose to play the entirety of some album by some weird Midwest Emo band.
When they entered the house, Chance was already there.
“Mike, Robin, this is Chance. Chance, Mike, Robin,” Will says, pointing each of them out.
“Good to meet you Robin,” he– Mr. Evil, as Mike has mentally dubbed him lifts Robin’s hand and kisses the back.
“Mike,” he says to him, with only a nod. Prick.
“I don’t get a kiss on the back of my hand?” Mike means to sound funny and sarcastic, but it just comes out bitter and sardonic. Chance’s head rears back in surprise at Mike’s treatment of him.
“Special treatment for the ladies, I’m afraid,” Chance says, trying to save the awkward situation with a lighter tone.
“Surprised you save something for the ladies. That isn’t quite your cup of tea, is it?” Mike crosses his arm and gives the decidedly evil man a once-over.
“Michael–”
“We have a problem, Wheeler?” And there was Mike’s in. The way that Chance sounded like the classic bully from back in Hawkins.
“Fall back to your bully roots, then.” Mike doesn’t exactly answer the question, but that tells Chance everything he needs to know.
The situation is suddenly disrupted by Dustin opening the house door. “Hey, everyone.”
“Dustin!” they each shout in some variation. Will introduces Chance to Dustin, but clearly Dustin knows him. Dustin would know one of the guys who ran with his old Hawkins bullies. All of their bullies, really. But Will now betrays them by entangling with the enemy. Too dramatic, Michael, he thinks to himself.
They finally sit down to eat and slip into an easy conversation. “Chance, you have to stay,” Steve says. He was far too easily impressed by him. Max somewhat resisted, but of course would relent to what would make Will happy, which wasn’t just focusing on him and Mike’s best-friendship. Lucas, of course, was friendly with his old teammate. Mike had Dustin, Robin, Jonathan, and Nancy still on his team. On Will’s team. They were for team Protect-Will-From-Mr.Evil. Because– clearly– Will was caught under the spell of this man. Mike knew it was witchcraft, but he just couldn’t prove it. “We are gonna get fucked up tonight.”
“Shit, it’s some break or another, so let’s get fucked up, am I right?” Those on the team, Mr. Evil cheered, and Mike wanted to shake them all until they snapped out of the spell. Conversation came back, and everyone went along naturally, except for Mike of course. Mike sat there and sulked like he was 5 and denied Lucky Charms in favor of Great Value Frosty Flakes. He wanted to throw a real tantrum. And a real fist at this asshole sitting at the table with him. “So, how do you guys manage to fit in this house? Seems kinda small for so many.”
“Well, we are all pretty much coupled up. Steve with Jonathan, Nancy with me,” Robin begins.
“Lucas with me,” Max adds hungrily. Lucas shot her a look of matched hunger, and Will looked at both of them like they had just shown him a picture taken in a Port-a-Potty
“Will is in my room,” Mike adds hastily. He sounds like a kid who was eager to discuss his drivable truck toy that he got for Christmas. He wanted to talk about the beauty of what belonged to him. Will belonged to him. He was his best friend.
“That’s nice…” Chance says, suspiciously. Mike figures he is questioning internally why he added that.
“I have a blowup mattress. We only ended up together because there’s only three single people here– Mike, Dustin, and me– and Mike and I ended up with shorter straws than Dustin. So we’re sharing a room.”
“Ah, I assumed you two were sharing a bed. Would’ve been weird.”
“Why is it weird?” Mike questions. Chance doesn’t say anything for a bit, so Mike fills in the silence. “Huh, Chance? Chance the Rapper,” he drawls while squinting in disdain toward him.
“Sorry about him. His vape died.”
“Fuck you.”
“Mike,” Nancy cuts in.
“What?”
“You need to chill.”
“Okay!” Robin interrupts before anything escalates. “Need to chill sounds like time to drink.’ She pushes back her chair and stands. “Steve, enter the labyrinth with me so we can concoct a little something to loosen everyone up.” Steve shrugs and follows her to the kitchen. Mike knew he would enjoy getting drunk at least. Even if sorry ass Chance is around while it happens. Maybe some liquor will finally get him to stop thinking about Mr. Evil, who was welcomed into the house, unbeknownst to Robin, being a malicious spirit that cursed Will in order to get closer to more fresh, young victims. That’s exactly what Chance is, Mike thinks to himself, as if he’s Isaac Newton discovering gravity.
Steve and Robin enter with a bowl of liquid that is way too brown to be cut with anything, enough for this not to taste like ample supplies to clean a cut. Mike pours himself a cup first and begins drinking. “Holy fuck, you two,” Mike curses. Chance follows behind him and grabs a cup.
“Woah, strong but kinda delish.” Chance continues drinking, and Mike takes it as a challenge. He downs his entire cup, and Robin looks at him, extremely concerned. “Cheers,” Chance says before following suit.
They both fill their cups and return to drinking like humans with a threshold of alcohol tolerance. Everyone else grabs their cup, and they get to lounging around the house.
“Game time!” Max yells, hours after they initially began drinking. Robin has been on DJ duty, and Steve and Jonathan have been serving party snacks, ensuring nobody is drinking on an empty stomach. “Truth or dare, bitches,” Max says with a proud smirk, as if she just created a game that has never existed before.
“You can’t call everyone bitches, hun.”
“Get in a circle, bitches.” Everyone follows her command, and they are now sitting arranged across the couches and the floor of the living room. Chance sits next to Will, dangerously close. Mike sits on Will’s other side and subtly pulls him away from Chance, until they are sitting much more dangerously, much closer. “Lucas. Truth or Dare?”
“Dare.”
“I dare you to love me.”
“Done.”
“You are so sweet it’s gross,” Will interjects. Lucas ignores him.
“Alright, Dusty-buns, truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
“Tell us the weird nerd project you’re working on.”
“It’s quantum computing. So basically-”
“Enough said,” Mike cuts him off.”
“Fine, since you’re so bold to cut me off: Mike, truth or dare?”
“Dare.”
“I dare you to pick up one of us and WWE grand slam them.” They all groan, knowing that they could be potential victims. But Mike would only ever choose one person to willingly get physical with here.
Mike stands and grabs Will’s arm. Will lets out a squeal and Chance side eyes Mike. He pulls Will into the cleared-out area and taps his elbow. He slams down into Will, doing it kind of wrong and somehow ending up with Will’s knee square between his legs. Fuck if he didn’t want to kiss Will right now. Fuck if he didn’t want more than that. The lightest contact from a non-sexual body part from Mike’s male best friend should not be causing the tightening between Mike’s legs that he can most definitely feel. He pushes down the thought of it and climbs off of Will.
Will scoots back towards Chance, and Mike takes back his own seat.
Not much exciting happens until it circles back to Max.
“Chance, truth or dare?”
“Dare. Life’s about adventure.” Prick. Of course, he would have some weird phrase for this moment.
“I dare you to kiss your favorite guy in this circle.” Max smirks, and Lucas looks at her with some judgment, but he isn’t surprised that Max is advocating for boys to kiss. It’s Max after all.
Chance doesn’t even speak, opting instead to straddle Will’s lap. There are other people here, dickwad, Mike thinks. He kisses Will, and it’s hot and rough. Max and Robin both clap while Nancy, Jonathan, Steve, Dustin, and Lucas look at Mike, anticipating his negative reaction. Mike tries to ignore it, but he glances over, ever-so-quickly, and spots them eating each other’s faces. Chance must have his tongue halfway down Will’s throat.
“Alright, we have a game to play,” Mike interrupts, tacking on an eye roll as well. Chance and Will separate from each other, finally, and Max lets out an aw.
“Damn, that was almost good enough to delete my Mangago account,” Max says, in complaint of Mike stopping them.
“You still have that?” Lucas asks, offended.
“My love, there’s a BL shaped hole in my heart you could never fill,” Max says while grabbing Lucas’s face and rubbing soothing circles into his cheek. Lucas scoffs.
“At this point, I think we can call the game,” Nancy suggests. She didn’t want to watch her brother hurt any more if this escalated. It wasn’t Max’s fault. She was drunk, they all were.
The circle disbands, and they float until the pairs disappear. When Mike enters his room that night, he finds Dustin on the blow-up mattress instead of Will.
“Sorry, bro.”
Fuck his life. That evil redhead lesbian– Robin that is, not Chappell Roan– was right. He badly wanted to kiss Will instead of letting Chance do it. And the other evil redhead lesbian was right. He’d have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.