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It had only been a few times where they spoke about Sierra cutting herself. Those little times that it was mentioned, Sierra tended to shift the focus to another topic almost immediately.
Those kinds of coping mechanisms always left Archie wondering, how could the act of inflicting harm on oneself have a "calming" effect on a person? From the little he'd read online, a lot of people did for a sense of control in their life. Still, it never made sense.
This little train of thought that had been running through his mind for months, lead to Archie Holden Buster Williams sitting on his bathroom floor with an array of different razors. Thankfully, they weren't as hard to come across than he thought, as 1. There were a shit ton of them lying around his house, and 2. He bought the razor blades for, in the eyes of the cashier, the reason they are used in the first place, so it wasn't out of the norm. Although, he had never grown a beard, or shown signs of that fact ever happening any time soon.
Staring at his arm, Archie had no clue how to go about it, did you swipe quickly? Or slowly drag it across his skin? Archie sat there for atleast 7 minutes debating. It took many more minutes to actually do the cutting, but he got there eventually.
In the end, he decided to close his eyes and hope for the best.
It wasn't long until there was blood pouring out rapidly from multiple gashes on his skin, every swipe showing slivers of white before the bright red seeped through and made a mess. It was insane. But it felt good.
He kept repeated "just one more" until his forearm was covered in blood, some of it staining his clothes. It was fascinatingly horrific. A sort of guilt slithered through his body, how could he be enjoying this? Staring at his forearm, a thought passed his mind. How was he going to cover this, Hide it from his parents? From Sierra?
Minutes passed and the blood from the wounds had finally stopped, and he started washing off the dried crusted blood from his arm and the floor. Was he meant to get bandages or something? If there was a next time, he would grab some.
Going to sleep had been hard, the stinging pain from his arm sending spikes of pain throughout his body anytime he moved.
Slowly, the cuts on his arm started to heal, taking weeks for them to fully heal. Since then, there had been many more instances where Archie sat down to slice through his skin, and each time he forgot to buy bandages. It had been getting out of hand, and Sierra started noticing little by little.
Yes, Archie was known for wearing long sleeves frequently, but there was always a limit to it. Never during the hottest days of the week, but even then, his arms never saw the light of day.
Sierra grew suspicious, and eventually cornered Archie during school to confirm her suspicions.
Her eyes bore into his avoiding ones.
"Show me your arm."
The question- No, demand- shocked Archie, making his body go still. And he tried to answer without alluding to the glaring stinging on his arms.
"Wha- Huh? What are you talking about?"
"Dont act stupid, theres no way you're just wearing long sleeves for the fun of it when it's hot as hell."
"It's nothing, seriously."
The demanding went on for what felt like hours, until Sierra reluctantly left. Archie sighed. There was no way this situation of his was gonna last hidden for any longer.
And that conclusion was right, the day after they talked, Sierra invited Archie to her house, and he hesitantly agreed even as his brain told him not to because it was suspicious. When they got to her room, instead of questioning him like she has the previous day, she rudely pushed up his sleeves without asking.
Immediately he tried to roll them back down, but it was too late and she had already seen what he had been trying to hide for the past 2 weeks. Tension filled the room, the cogs visibly turning in her head trying to make sense of what had appeared infront of her.
"...Why?" Her eyebrows furrowed.
"I- I was curious! You- I-" Instantly, he felt even more nervous than before.
She made several faces in less than a second trying to comprehend what he just said, "Are you saying it's because of me?"
"No! No not at all! I.... wanted to know how it felt, I just got too carried away? I guess?"
Her eyes were full of guilt, it hurt Archie to cause her to feel this way. He truly didn't mean for it to go this far, she was never supposed to find out anyway. Plus, it wasn't like this would go any further, it would go away in a week or two. Like a phase he would laugh about years into the future, hes sure of it.
Months dragged on. The two of them never spoke about it. It was, in fact, not a phase he would think about years into the future. The room on his forearms dwindled down to almost nothing, having to move up to his shoulders and sometimes thighs. Now, it was truly getting out of hand.
Somehow, his parents never noticed, even when he forgot about the faint scars and went out with short sleeves, they never once questioned it. For being the "best mistake they ever made", it sure didn't feel like they cared.
One day, everything changed. Archie was over at Sierra's house when the question was brought up.
"Have you ever.. considered.. cutting another person? Or just, together?"
Archie had in fact thought of this, the memory of the time Sierra cut his chest repeated over and over until he couldn't think anymore. The idea had felt too crazy to suggest, felt too taboo to even bring it up until that second.
"Um... yeah a few times"
A sort of want shined through her eyes, "Would you be okay with it?" She whispered, barely audible, he almost hadn't heard her. Tentatively, Archie nodded.
It was silent except for the shuffling of Sierra, while she grabbed the necessary stuff.
Suddenly, there were clothes on the ground and all of the scars littered on skin that were hidden behind clothes were open to their little world.
The first time Sierra opened up to him about this, he didn't get a good view of the cuts on her thighs, too in shock to pay attention. But this time, it seemed like the amount had doubled since then, and it was beautiful.
They were varying sizes, the shades of color changed with each scar. Some were days old, ranging to months old. He sat in awe as he gazed at her body, ultimately landing on her eyes, where she was already looking at him, silently asking for consent.
Intimate was the only word that felt right for what was happening. This moment, and hopefully more to come, wouldn't compare to any sexual actions Archie would have in the future, not by a long shot.
There was blood everywhere, seeping from the countless wounds on each of their bodies. Sierra kept running her hands over his scars, admiring them.
Archie inched closer to her, eventually latching his lips onter hers. It was soft and calm. Letting go of the blade in his hand, he reached up to caress her face, blood smearing everywhere.
Seperating to catch breath, Archie stared at the mess on their arms and thighs. It was disgusting, truly. Scarlet staining everything it came into contact. He glanced up at Sierra, quickly being enamored by her beauty. A bittersweet feeling filled his heart. This was never going to last.
Turning a blind eye to the feeling, the aftercare began. Who knew you actually had to clean up the wounds and everything? Archie had just been rawdogging it up until that moment.
It felt nice, having someone to care for you. Having someone feel the same way, understand you. Archie loved Sierra. He wishes this could last forever. Maybe it could.
The night ended with Archie spending the night, a faint reminder that in the morning he would go back home and pretend it never happened. Pretend there wasn't fresh gashes littered across his body. A permanent reminder of what had happened that night. Oh well.