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The wind crashes against my face while my loose curls flow behind me in a chaos, matching only the thoughts in my head. What’s wrong with me? Did I do something to anger him? Did I say something out of turn? Am I beautiful enough? Why does my heart feel like it’s melting inside my chest and cooking me from the inside out?
A wave of emotions swirl through me at breakneck speed. The love of my life, or so I thought, would never have made me feel this way. I gave him all of me. He took my broken pieces and made something beautiful from them. Held me during the nights I felt like I couldn’t escape the pain. But now my savior has become my villain.
I take a deep breath and look over the edge of the apartment building. The night sky holding no stars to give any sense of peace. I long shed the tears my eyes could produce. My cheeks puffy from the exertion.
A door barreling open behind me jolts me to attention. A tall figure with sandy blonde hair and navy blue hoodie and jeans catches my eye. How did he know I was up here?
“Mae what are you doing up there?” His eyes bulge out of his head and he steps frantically toward my direction. Shaky breaths leave my throat as I turn back around to face the drop.
“I can’t do this anymore…” it comes out in a whisper. My chest heaves from the heaviness and pain shoots through my heart again. A sob wracks out of me and he goes to grab for one of my arms. I jolt away from his grip and turn to see his worried face. “It hurts so much Lu. I can’t do it anymore.”
His arms stay extended out for me as if he can stop the inevitable if I decide to jump. “Mae come down. Please?” He gestures for me to come closer. I don’t oblige him. “Please… just let me help Mae.” His eyes tug at my bleeding heart.
My shaky breaths continue as I look back over the edge before me, then back to see his pleading eyes. “Why does it hurt so bad Lu?” Tears pool in my eyes, threatening to fall down my dry cheeks. Another sob escapes as I hold my hands over my face.
I feel a sudden tug as he pulls me from the edge forcefully and into his embrace. My knees go weak beneath me and he guides me onto the concrete below us pulling me into his chest. My sobs escalate and the overwhelming sense of pain swarms my body. He shushes me and runs his hand over my hair and back, resting his chin on the top of my head. “I’m going to kill him for what he’s put you through.”
I cling to his hoodie with my fingers as my tears soak through the fabric. “I’m so stupid.” His cologne starts to surround me as his warmth permeates through my skin. “What’s wrong with me Lu?” I sniffle in his hold and wipe my eyes.
“Nothings wrong with you.” He lifts up my chin with his finger and stares into my blurry eyes. “You are kind. You are brave. And you are beautiful.” He sighs and I hear his voice waver as his eyes become glassy. “Mae you are everything to me.” A tear falls down his cheek and I feel my breath catch in my throat. “Please don’t do that again.” He gazes into my eyes, the hurt I see there ripping at my seams.
My lip wobbles as I fight back another wave of pain. I made him feel this way. I made him upset. I deserve this. I fuck everything up. I turn away from his blue eyes, my heart breaking even further. “I fuck everything up.” My breaths quicken as I start to lose control. “I-I can’t. I can’t do it anymore.” I feel my limbs start to shake. “Make it stop Lu.”
He pulls me up into his lap and I wrap my arms around his neck. “You’re gonna be okay. I’ve got you.” He holds me tight around my body, rubbing small circles on the small of my back. “I’m right here.” I feel his calming heartbeat through his top and try to focus on the rhythm. He kisses the top of my head after my breathing starts to even. I can feel the weight of my exhaustion start to peak its head and he scoops me into his arms as he stands. “Let’s get you back inside.” I sniffle in his hold but don’t have the energy to protest.