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Sieun loves to see Suho on top of him.
It's not just the physicality of it— how Suho's body is nearly double the size of Sieun's, how his shoulders shadow Sieun's view of his surroundings so that only Suho is all he could see— but how it makes him feel.
How there, in the case of Suho's arms, Sieun's ears could let go of all the cacophonous sounds of the world— isolate them until all that could be heard is Suho's steady, unlabored breaths. How Suho's warmth smooth down the goosebumps that lay underneath Sieun's skin, the ones Sieun believed to be permanent before Suho— how when Suho presses down closer, heart jumping a healthy pulse under their joined chests, Sieun finds his own heartbeat following the rhythm. How when Suho's brown eyes pin him down, it feels like he's painting over Sieun's dullness with vibrant, stunning technicolor.
When Suho's on top of him, Sieun feels safe.
When Suho's on top of him, Sieun could finally focus his racing mind on the one thing he's ever really cared about.
So naturally, this follows right into their sex.
Sieun's not picky, he enjoys having Suho turn him every which way whenever they fuck— but his favorite positions will always be ones where he can stare up at Suho's face, clutching at Suho's wide back and shoulders, watching and categorizing all the minute-expressions he makes when he's inside Sieun.
There's just something about the way Suho moves when he's on top of Sieun that makes him feel at a total ease— puts him in an almost submissive state from how relaxed and safe he feels.
He's never told Suho this, though.
Suho figured that Sieun prefers being laid down and taken care of, not wanting to do the work. It isn't that far from the truth, but it's not exactly right, either. Sieun does like being on top— likes putting in the extra energy to please the both of them and Suho especially—it's just not what he'd gravitate to, per se.
So for the past months, year, Sieun's just lived with this secret liking for Suho being on top of him, having it satisfied anyway every time they had sex.
No need to tell him.
Sieun loves Suho, but he can be absolutely insatiable.
He was already touchy before they got together, became even more so as their friendship progressed— but when they started dating, he was practically all over Sieun 24/7. Sieun adjusted his life to include as much of Suho as he can ever since his coma, and Suho took full advantage of that to take up most of his day— everyday.
For the most part, Sieun didn't mind it. Enjoyed it, actually—found it sweet, comforting—given how dull his life had been when Suho's presence was confined to the walls of his hospital room.
But right now, it's gotten a bit ridiculous, really.
Sieun has to study. Finals week is just around the corner and Sieun's barely skirted the entirety of the material his tests would be tackling, despite preparing for it weeks before. He didn't want to say Suho plays a part in this lack of his usual preparedness— but what else is there to be said about how for the past month he was constantly pulled away from his desk and laptop, pulled out of libraries for a coffee or a meal or a "Sieun-ah there's this new place—", or pulled against the other man and his impish smile, hands, and hips with promises to "relieve his stress"?
Sieun's taken to physically pushing him off now, no matter how tempting it is to fall into the comfort that is Suho. The act of peeling the man off his body like a leech is a heavily practiced motion that's almost instinctual at this point.
But it's only for this time, though.
Suho needs to understand that. They both need to understand that.
So he begged Suho to not come over tonight— saying how he needed this one moment to get all his affairs in order and not get sidetracked by his boyfriend's Velcro-like antics, getting worked up enough to leave his work for hours on end.
Suho agreed. Because it can be that easy. When Sieun really needs his space, he gives it to him.
So it was a good decision.
Okay, so maybe it wasn't.
Because here they are, getting off together over video call, because Sieun severely underestimated the withdrawals of not having Suho with him— he got worked up, all on his own, built on a boatload of stress and the need to relieve the pressure in the most primal way possible— but Suho was not there, not there to kiss or cuddle or comfort him like Sieun's used to, and Sieun was so desperate for another boyfriend-fix.
Still, he couldn't just let Suho come over that easily. He just needs this one momentary release, so he could go right back to studying.
"Ah," Sieun moans loudly as his soaked finger presses into his prostate. The sudden sensitivity causes him to clench up— toes curling, his knee bumping into his laptop as it kicks, jostling the monitor and the image of Suho on their video call.
"Yeah, baby. Found it?" Suho pants, harsh breaths and slick sounds blasting through Sieun's earbuds. Through his gauzy vision, he could just about make out Suho's erect cock at the bottom of the screen, pulled out the mouth of his jeans, being heavily fisted in his hand. "See, I told you you could find it. Keep rubbing it, Sieun-ah. Press up when it's a little hard."
Sieun hums, closes his eyes. Pulls out halfway, dips back in a few times before resting inside to rub at the spot, does as he's told—feels the spot firm up under his fingertips and kneads it a couple times, sparking static pleasure through his groin—before he starts thrusting his fingers inside himself quickly.
"Fuuck, just like that baby, good boy," Suho groans as he bites his lip, hand flying faster over his cock. "Hyung taught you well, huh? Are you close now?"
"I'm—'
Sieun pauses.
Is he close? They've been at it for a while, and he's feeling good, that's for sure, really good— but it's not the kind of good where the pleasure is mounting, getting ready to peak over.
He ignores it at first, keeps working himself over as Suho's mouth spews its filth— guiding him through it, asks him how it feels, tells him how it makes him feel. Sieun moans partly because it really does feel good and partly just for Suho— which doesn't usually happen. In fact, it might have never happened. It has always been genuine with Suho.
Dread washes frigid over him when he realizes he's stuck.
"Mmm, you're so hot— I'm getting close, Sieun—"
Sieun's fingers stop completely, and he watches his boyfriend through the screen, lost— thinks that the only reason Suho hasn't commented on his lack of activity yet is because the younger's eyes are currently shut tight, likely engrossed in his trek to orgasm that Sieun is very much not with him on.
"I— uh," Sieun mumbles, and of course Suho, so intimately attuned to Sieun, notices that little uncomfortable waver in his voice immediately, eyes shooting wide open.
"You okay, baby?" He asks, bending down a bit clumsily, still disoriented from his self-interrupted orgasm— and Sieun feels a little bad, but he also knows he's a well-read book in Suho's library, especially when said-book is laying open and vulnerable right before the man.
"No, I'm… I just…" he trails off, tongue slipping on his words and losing them somewhere between the ebbing heat of the moment and Suho's intense eyes.
Suho raises a questioning brow, until finally, Sieun bows his head and just says it.
Suho's figure staggers as he picks up his phone, bringing it closer to him, tilts his ear into the speaker— "Hm? What was that?"
Sieun says it again, a little louder but quickly.
"Sieun, I can't—"
"icantget—"
"Sieun I can't hear you baby—"
"I can't get close, Suho-yah," Sieun hisses, pressing his earbud in forcefully. "I can't cum."
Silence.
Suho just blinks, eyebrows still set in that furrow from when he tried to make out what Sieun was saying, then—
"What?" he says. "But— that's never happened before?"
"I know."
"Sieun-ah. You always cummed with me. Even when I'm not touching you."
"I know!"
"Maybe it's a temporary thing, baby," he insists, "Did you eat something bad? Do something out-of-routine today?"
Sieun shakes his head. Other than not having Suho in direct proximity, nothing out of the ordinary happened to him today.
Sieun can see the beginnings of a pout forming on Suho's lips. He knows a Suho-sulk-session when he sees it, so he moves to placate him immediately. "It could be because we're doing it over call," Sieun offers, uselessly tries to catch Suho's eyes when they turn down in thought."We've always had sex face-to-face — in-person. It could be different online."
But it sounds like he's trying to convince himself too, so Suho's expression just sours—
"So—" Suho shakes his head, perplexed, "what does that even mean?"
"It means the circumstances are different and we won't be able to do what we usually are able to do with each other."
"Like making you cum?"
"Well…"
"Did you get off to those nudes I sent you one time?"
He's a little taken aback at the question but oh, he most certainly did. Sieun didn't think masturbating in a public bathroom stall to zoomed-in pictures of his boyfriend's cock and balls could be so exhilarating, but it was.
"Y-yes!"
"But you can't cum when you have video call sex with me." Suho deadpans.
"What? Let's not jump to conclusions—"
"Or maybe I'm just not… Doing it, for you, right now?" Suho mumbles.
Okay, no.
No!
"No!" Sieun shouts, regretting it immediately when Suho's face falls. He recovers quick though. How could Suho even think that?
Sieun straightens, pulls a nearby blanket over his legs. "I mean— no, that's not it at all, Suho-yah."
Suho stares— blinks a little before he swipes a finger under his nose. "Okay, yeah— sorry, I was a little in over my head there," he inhales, pushes a hand through his sweaty hair. "So there has to be something we usually do that we're not doing right now, that's not making things work out. Other than the fact we're not currently with each other."
Sieun thinks hard, forces the cogs of his brain into efficient movement so that he could assess why he couldn't cum with his boyfriend of two years whom he is very in-love with and attracted to. The pressure in his head takes form of a thought that waits to be acknowledged, until it's finally pushed to the forefront of his mind.
Oh.
Sieun knows what's wrong now.
Clearly, he didn't properly think through his… preference for having Suho with him. Physically.
He almost forgot he didn't even give a thought to pleasuring himself before Suho. Almost everytime he orgasmed was with Suho.
His ability to orgasm is so deeply rooted in Suho's physical presence, so deeply rooted in being held, pinned, and surrounded by Suho, that anything that doesn't involve that otherwise just won't do it for him.
His arousal is linked to the safety Suho gives him.
The air quietens, and all the blood that was rushing downward and around his head now settles to blush Sieun's cheeks.
Suho watches him through the silence, ever the observant.
"Have I done anything you don't like?" He asks.
Sieun looks up at him with wide eyes. Shakes his head. "No. I don't think so."
"Okay," Suho leans back on his arms. "I don't think you've done anything I don't like, either."
He tilts his head and gives Sieun that little lopsided smile he knows drives him crazy. "Everything you do gets me going, Sieun-ah." He winks. "I assure you I was definitely about to bust a nut a few minutes ago."
"Suho, be serious."
"Okay, let's be serious." Suho leans back in, fixes Sieun with a steady gaze. "You have something to say, Sieun-ah. I can see it in your eyes."
Sieun looks at him. Then down at his lap. Looks at him again and looks down at his lap again. Twiddles with his thumbs in the criss-cross of his legs.
Suho sighs. "We talked about this— we have to be clear with what we want with each other. You have to be clear with what you want with me. I practically breathe you baby but I'm no mind-reader, Sieun-ah."
Sieun takes a deep breath. Okay, he can't waltz around this anymore.
"Okay…" he starts, and he looks up to see Suho listening intently. "Okay, so.. I think I might know what the problem is."
He looks up again, sees Suho give an encouraging nod, and continues. "I think what I said earlier is correct. I mean, it does hold a truth. Being with you physically is way more different than being with you through a video call. But—" he takes a deep breath. "The reason it was different when you sent me those pictures is because the circumstances at the time made it impossible for what I wanted to actually happen, so my expectations for the whole thing adjusted.
When you're really with me it's just— so different. Your presence is comforting for me. Knowing you're really there with me makes me feel safe, and happy and—" the stinging in his eyes give him pause, and he takes that moment to let the emotions run their course as Suho watches him, patient.
"I only realized this just now. I gave it some thought before but I never tried to fully comprehend it and make it something worth telling you. Until now. I'm sorry."
He's finished, he thinks. Scans Suho's face to gauge his reaction.
When the silence stretches to a more-than-five-seconds pause, Sieun finally catches the small nod, the slow spread of endearment over Suho's features as he speaks.
"Okay. I understand, now, Sieun. Of course, it would've been nice if you said it earlier, but— you're telling me now, and that's what matters to me. Thank you, baby."
Suho smiles, a gentle thing, and Sieun's heart flutters like it always does when Suho smiles. "And… I feel safe with you too. And I've told you this a million times, but— I love you a lot, Sieun. I love you so much it's kind of crazy. I didn't know I was capable of this much love until I met you.
I'm happy that I make you happy. You make me so, so happy too, I just— I love you, baby. Sieun."
And Sieun's heart is swollen with all the adoration he holds for the man behind his screen. Even if he could be unsure about many things in their relationship, at least his love for and dedication to Suho, he is sure of.
They're just looking at each other, with these dopey smiles on their faces, a pair of willing, lovesick fools when—
Suho clears his throat. "So, uhm," he scratches his nape, and Sieun delights in the new blossoms of red on his cheeks, "do you still want to continue? This?"
Yeah, he really, really does. "Yes, Suho."
Suho noticeably lightens up more at the confirmation, his nods a little faster now. "Okay, so… What do you think could be done to make you feel that way without me having to go there? Since," he gestures to the screen. "That's your one strict rule."
Sieun looks theatrically to the ceiling— compartmentalizes what he has to say in his head, so that he could deliver it as effectively as he could. "I think if… If we could make it so that it looks as close to how we do it face-to-face—" His focused stare flits to Suho again. "— It could work out."
Suho's expression gained a confused edge somewhere between Sieun's words, but he starts nodding again— considerate. "Okay," Suho says slowly. "What could we do to fulfill that?"
"We could…" Sieun looks to the side, catches a train of thought he deems worth following. "Mimic our usual positions when we have sex?"
Suho's response is quick. "What, the ones where you're being my pillow princess?" He grins.
And Sieun knows he's mostly joking— but an idea pops up in his head at that.
Sieun's expression probably doesn't match his thoughts, because Suho lets out a nervous chuckle, backtracking— "I'm only kidding, I love when you just let me take care of you Sieun—"
"No, no, you're right," Sieun insists. "I do like being your pillow princess." He needs to let Suho wind down now. Needs to guide him back into what Sieun's really feeling right now and what he wants to feel. "I love when you take care of me."
His voice drops low. "And seeing you move on top of me… It's really hot, hyung."
Suho's mouth gapes a little at the rare admission—definitely also at the deliberate ' hyung' Sieun plugged in— it's intentional. Sieun knows where he wants this to go and damn if he doesn't let Suho know it.
"I like being held in your arms— being laid down, or pinned down by you and just—" he sends Suho a lash-veiled look, a little coy, and no truth about lighting or angles or brightness can explain the way Suho's eyes rust darkly—
"— letting me take it."
"Fuck. Okay," Suho groans— and it's only his name, but the newly-affixed heat to it travels down the mouth of Sieun's earbuds all the way to his toes. He bites his lip.
"Okay, Sieun-ah. I need your idea now, baby."
And oh does Sieun have an idea— the most ideal position to feel Suho through the call in the realest way possible:
"I want you to hump a pillow, Suho-yah."
Silence. That goes on for longer than it should. And for a moment, Sieun feels a flicker of regret, thinks Suho's going to reject the idea, when—
Suho's lips pull into a mischievous grin.
"Sieun, that's a little naughty."
Sieun's cheeks heat up. Pouts. "I thought you wouldn't judge me!"
Suho's looking a little too gleeful for Sieun's liking, giggling all-up the speakers, "HAHAHA, no, no, baby wait—" he laughs, comically peering up the top of Sieun's laptop screen as the device is half-way to being slammed close. He stops laughing as Sieun is clearly about to shrivel up like a cat.
"I'm not judging you. I'm happy," he starts, soothingly, as Sieun pulls up the monitor to show his full self again. He's still pouting. A little on-edge at Suho's initial reaction, but Suho's quick to remedy that.
The atmosphere mellows out as Suho hums. Considerate. Taking his bottom lip into his teeth as he steadies his phone. "I didn't think you'd ever ask me for something like this Sieun-ah, but I'd be lying if i said I wasn't hoping you would."
He moves back until Sieun can see the whole of him, leaning on his haunches— and oh, wait, Sieun thinks, his heartbeat quickening, is he—
"You know I do anything you ask of me, baby," Suho says, as he begins to strip off his shirt, and Sieun's lungs are starting to feel a little tight now because yes, Suho's really doing it, and he shamelessly ogles as the shirt comes off completely— revealing new, but not inherently unfamiliar, skin.
Suho's large hands come down to his jeans. Start tampering with his zipper. "I'd burn down the world for you," he continues, as he tugs his jeans loose, displaying the waistband of his briefs before his thumbs slide into the space between his hips and the two fabrics— pushing them down in a slow, smooth glide that makes Sieun's cock throb. "—requests like these are nothing compared to the hell I'd let loose if anything or anyone did you wrong."
Suho's fully naked now, and he's taking a pillow off his headboard, and Sieun— he disconnects his earbuds, pushes the blanket off himself, suddenly really hot, abandoning his rigid posture to slump closer to the screen like a moth to light—
"Sieun," Suho calls, his breathing a little harder— he's on all-fours now, leg thrown over the pillow, and Sieun's already upping his laptop brightness and volume like a maniac. "Where should I—"
"Here," Sieun rushes, "face me, face the—"
And then Sieun's head blanks, because Suho's naked body is filling the screen, strong arms framing the sides of it, hard cock pointed towards the camera, and—
"Oh," Sieun sighs.
"Like this?" Suho says, a knowing-lilt to his tone, circles his hips all slow and enticing and just—
"Yes."
Suho moans in response, grinds down a little— and any semblance of composure Sieun previously had is tossed out the window at that little movement.
"Mm, okay, lemme just—" Suho adjusts himself a little more, and Sieun's stomach clenches in anticipation—
And just like that, Suho leans down into the pillow and starts shuttling his cock back and forth.
Yeah, fuck, this is exactly what Sieun needed.
"Suho," Sieun moans, loud, because it's such a vivid vision — like this, Sieun can almost imagine this as exactly how Suho looks when he fucks him. The rhythmic clench of his muscles, the way his face gets all scrunched-up in focus when he's driving into Sieun particularly hard, it's all so familiar—
"Ah, wait— this feels so good," Suho groans, head tilting up to expose his already-sweaty adam's apple as he pulls the pillow tighter against his body, bracing himself on one arm as he rubs up hard, once, twice — "L-like this?" and Sieun straight-up whines at that, "Am I making you feel good, Sieun-ah— mm!"
"Yeah, yeah, Suho-yah—" Sieun pants, slides up his bed so he could settle against his own pillows, drags the laptop closer into the space between his legs as his hand makes its way back down there again—
"Sieun, baby, tilt your camera a l-little lower- please— ," and Sieun does so willingly, pushing the monitor down, spreading his legs wide, until his fingers can be seen circling his still-wet rim, then dipping inside- and Suho groans, almost in pain, eyebrows meeting tight as he bows his head, thrusts faster "—ah yeah, like that, fuck—"
Sieun keeps panting like an animal in heat, eyes flitting rapidly over Suho on his too-tiny laptop screen, timing the thrust of his fingers with each drive of Suho's hips.
Suho's shaking hand goes to clutch his phone, likely to steady it again or fix the angle, and Sieun's reaction is immediate— instantly follows to unfold the motion off-screen, thumbing over his face, dragging salt over his lips, his neck, his chest—
"S-Suho… Need you, please, hngh— please—"
A choked whine escapes the other man. "Don't say that, Sieun-ah," he says, heavy eyes hooked on the path of Sieun's restless hands. "You know I'd go over there, right now," Suho pants, dragging his cock down in slow rubs— "Mmm, just so I could fuck you like this," he bites his lip, adjusting his hold so he could thrust short and quick, and Sieun sucks up every movement like a greedy dog, fingers plunging in and out of his sopping hole.
It's really all-to-easy to imagine Suho's really here with him. Treating him right, fucking him, giving it to him just right while remaining so so so close— so deeply entwined in each other's spaces, Sieun feeling every twitch and tremor of Suho's strong body, seeing the pleasure play out so well and so beautifully on Suho's face so he knows Suho's feeling just as good as he is—
All of a sudden, Sieun's close.
"Suho, I'm gonna cum," Sieun moans, thighs tightening as he grabs his cock, works it fast together with the staccato of his fingers—
Suho chuckles, skin sheening golden off the lone lamplight on his bedside table— he looks unreal, ethereal. "Yeah? You always cum really fast when I—" he doesn't finish his sentence in favor of kicking his knee up, and starts ramming into the pillow, sets a punishing pace, his moans and grunts of exertion turning loud enough for Sieun to not have to turn up his volume even louder than it already is — and Sieun's already losing himself, could imagine how tense Suho is feeling right now, how tightly-wounded, body straining and frantic with the urge to release like Sieun feels right now—
"Hmm Sieunnie, so good to me— you're always so— fuckfuckfuck, I'm going to—" Suho's expression pinches sharply, and Sieun perks up, eyes zeroing in on Suho's figure eagerly as his boyfriend drops his hold on the pillow and hurries to grip his cock— strips it fast, grunting as he pushes up into two, long, strokes, swipes over his tip— and then he falls forward, head falling out of frame so that only his back downward is visible, and snaps his hips back into the pillow, and Sieun can see the way his glutes jump deliciously beneath the skin as he jerks a few more, desperate times—can feel it like Suho's cock is in him, pounding frantic—before he finally lets out a long, lascivious moan.
"Ughhh!" he cries, buries his head, arm still shoved between his legs, hugs the pillow close as his hips twitch up and downuncontrollably, and Sieun is done— he cums right after, white bursting hot and bright behind his eyelids, follows Suho's lead — like he always does.
Sieun ragdolls into his sweaty sheets with a groan, closes his eyes as the aftershocks resonate through his body. Past the ringing in his ears, he hears Suho make a similarly-pleased, tired sound, both of them comfortable enough to lie in the silence.
Okay, Sieun takes it back— this was, indeed, a good decision.
"Ah, fuck." Suho says after some time— tilts to the side, lifting his hips off the pillow to reveal the strings of cum clinging to his skin, webbing thick off his groin and his spent cock, and Sieun's swollen hole gives a valiant pulse at the sight. Suho looks up, sees Sieun's dazed face, and gives his cock a last gracious squeeze for show, leftover cum spilling from the slit.
Suho winks.
"Looks to me you were able to cum just fine, baby."
Sieun's blushes, throws an arm over his eyes. "I can't believe you did that, Suho-yah."
"My super-duper-uper cute boyfriend asked me for something. How could I not indulge?" he coos, getting all up in his camera and resting his chin in the cup of his hands— ridiculously amused. "And it's just pillow humping, Sieun-ah. I thought it would be something freakier."
Sieun's cheeks grow hotter.
"Aigooo you're so cute~ Did you have other things in mind, baby?"
"No."
"That was pretty hot. I should do it in front of you in-person next time. Could do it right on top of you—"
"Suho."
Sieun straight-up tomato-faces, and Suho smiles with a cheeky grin.
"Or maybe I could record myself. Send you videos of me doing it when you're alone and turned on. Sieunnie's personal little pornstar—"
"Suho-yah!"
"Juuuust kidding, baby!" He cheeses, bright as the sun, and Sieun's hopelessly in love with him. "All good now? Can I come over?"
"No."
Suho's at his doorstep 20 minutes later, and Sieun figures he could take a longer break.
A long break that lasts all the way to the earliest dawn of next day, his body sore as hell and scorching hot from the human heater plastered to his side.
Ah, Sieun can try studying again later.
Maybe he might have a little kink.