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I want to be your Paladin again

Summary:

[..]
Here he is.
Body sweating cold, lips pressed together, throat closed in a painful knot and eyes burning with unshed tears. He shouldn’t be so fucking surprised or hurt, hadn’t he said that Will was about to found someone who would’ve loved him right barely an hour ago in his damn basement?
It was true, it is true, because Will is so easy to love, Mike knows it and the Omega who was now chuckling at something Will said should just adore him like Mike has lacked to do in the past years.
Will Byers deserves love. A deep, beautiful love that Mike knows he can’t give him anymore, so he should be happy for his best friend, shouldn’t he?

[..]
His knees hit the fluffy yellow carpet so harshly he winces, he feels vulnerable, no one there to protect him from the coldness creeping up his limbs and making him shiver. He wants to feel warm, he wants warmth, his alpha’s warmth to be exact but his brain gives him the flashing image of Will’s amused smile directed to another Omega and this time Mike’s tears fall down his cheeks without him having any control on it.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

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Mike Wheeler feels quite idiotic right now.

His Omega instincts screaming at him to run from the crowd of people he has found himself squished in and yet he can’t find the force to move his body. His lips pressed in a thin white line, his friends scattered in this big house filled with newly graduated high schoolers and all he can do is try to steady his breath and calm the fuck down.
The problem? He’s alone, surrounded by people he doesn’t know or who despise him and all his eyes can focus on is Will.
His Will, his Alpha -they are only friends though… Mike hopes at least that is still true- was accepting another Omega’s advances.

Will is perfect, tall and handsome in a soft way that makes all types of Omegas look at him at least twice, his body has become more muscled since his presentation and the confidence he shows around is what attracts even the Betas’ gazes. He is perfect. Mike has always thought that even before Will presented. He is perfect in the quiet way he listens to Mike’s every doubt, in the way he comforts and makes Mike laugh, in the way his eyes always shine kindly when looking at the mess that Mike Wheeler is. Because Mike is the biggest mess that has ever existed. Always late in understanding himself or the situations he puts himself in, always awkward in that way that makes people ick and look away, but never Will. Will has never looked away from the mess that Mike Wheeler is made of.

Well, until tonight at least.
The moment before they wee softly laughing together in their bubble, sitting ever so close on the blue couch that their knees are touching and Mike’s stomach twists in that way that makes him ache for more and smile at the same time, then the moment after, Will has gone to find something to drink for them and hasn’t come back. So he had waited twenty minutes before standing up and looking for Will, thinking that maybe the Alpha had found Dustin or Lucas and got caught chatting with them while holding their drinks in hand. Instead Mike had stopped dead in his tracks, people dancing and pushing at each other around him as he saw the dreadful truth of his life. One he had tried to ignore since he was thirteen and had to look his best friend in the eyes without recognising him.

Will will forget him.
It’s a universal truth that he had always known. It had lingered hidden beneath his ribs, so close to his heart that when Will had moved to Lenora it sting Mike every single day the phone on the other side didn’t pick up. It stung him and made him bleed so much that when he went to California he had hurt Will deliberately. That was why he was stupid, he could never stop himself from saying the wrong word, doing the wrong thing, making the wrong choice, existing the wrong way.

He was imperfect the same way Will was perfect, so naturally and effortlessly that it shouldn’t have surprised him that Will had stopped to flirt with someone and completely forgot about Mike’s existence. He was easy to forget, he knew that, he should’ve known that.

So here he is.
Body sweating cold, lips pressed together, throat closed in a painful knot and eyes burning with unshed tears. He shouldn’t be so fucking surprised or hurt, hadn’t he said that Will was about to found someone who would’ve loved him right barely an hour ago in his damn basement?
It was true, it is true, because Will is so easy to love, Mike knows it and the Omega who was now chuckling at something Will said should just adore him like Mike has lacked to do in the past years. Will Byers deserves love. A deep, beautiful love that Mike knows he can’t give him anymore, so he should be happy for his best friend, shouldn’t he?

Then, why does his inner Omega cry? Why is his body trembling and holding back his tears? Why does he want to curl up in an empty closet and cry until he becomes numb? Mike doesn’t want to think about the answer, because he has known it for a while now but hasn’t dared say it out loud yet, less so in the quiet space of his own mind.
His soft scent of new books and oranges must’ve turned a little sour, a few Omegas turned their heads worried, but Mike can only watch the Omega bump Will’s shoulder the same way Will had bumped his in the field behind the radio tower and Mike’s brain fizzles out like an agitated coke can being smashed to the ground, because Will shooks his head amused at the Omega’s antics.

Mike can’t stop the whine that leaves his dry mouth, teeth digging in his bottom lips as he watches Will smile at the omega. His body shakes without a way for him to stop it and he doesn’t understand why he feels so cold when he is surrounded by bodies dancing against each other. “Poor thing” someone murmurs softly, the music is still going but the chaos of the crowd has become still, he noticed it just because he can hear the moment Will calls him from the far end of the filled up living room. “Mike?” His voice is soft and gentle and kind and Mike whines again, his legs feel like jelly as he turns and runs away, stumbling down the corridor like a newborn fawn trying to learn how to use his long legs.

“Mike! Wait!” Will calls for him, clearly concerned, but Mike needs to breathe, he needs hair and a safe space small enough to hide him from Will’s eyes. His legs tremble and he almost falls to the ground if not for his hand finding the steady existence of a door’s handle. He opens it by accident and practically rolls on the floor as the door opens with the weight Mike put on the handle to stay upright. His knees hit the fluffy yellow carpet so harshly he winces, he feels vulnerable with no one there to protect him from the coldness creeping up his limbs and making him shiver. He wants to feel warm, he wants warmth, his Alpha’s warmth to be exact but his brain gives him the flashing image of Will’s amused smile directed to another Omega and this time Mike’s tears fall down his cheeks without him having any control on it. He slowly crawls, moving from the pool of light casted inside the room from the corridor, to hide in the lingering shadow of the room. His fingers bump against what it seems like a sliding door, he opens it with unsteady fingers and crawls inside the little space big enough to hide him from the world.

Mike brings his knees up to his chest, forehead pressed on his kneecaps as he tries to breathe in air that doesn’t want to stay in his lungs, making his silent cry in a loud sobbing mess of sniffles and choking around air. His heart beats so damn fast and he just wants for his head to stop spinning and for his lungs to bring in air, why can’t he breathe anymore?
“Hey! We were talking!” An annoyed voice Mike doesn’t recognise come from outside his little safe space, probably is someone in the corridor yelling at the guy they were flirting with, Mike pulls his hands away from his shins to press the palm against his ears, he doesn’t want to listen, he wants silence and quietness and space as his inner Omega moves restless, making his stomach churn and ache and bringing up a dizzy feeling of nausea at the thought of some unknown person being close to his hiding place. “I’m sorry, but this is more important” Will’s voice responds and Mike has the urge to scrape at his ears until he doesn’t have eardrums to hear the Alpha talk so softly to some other Omega that isn’t him. Mike can hear two sets of footsteps get closer, an annoyed huff coming from the person following behind while Will enters the room Mike has hidden in without a single doubt that the Omega is there.
It’s just a couple of seconds before Will opens the sliding door exposing Mike to the eyes of the world again.

He doesn’t look up, hands desperately trying to stop any type of sound to get in his head and eyes closed shut while he hides his face against his knees. “Mike…?” Will’s voice is worried and Mike despises the way he always puts an edge of worry or concern or hurt in Will’s perfect tone. It’s usually gentle like the hand landing on Mike’s nape, his scent gland throbs at the contact with the Alpha’s skin and a rancid scent of rotting oranges pours out of a very obviously trembling Mike.
“Jeez, he stinks” the one to talk is the Omega who had apparently followed Will around in his search for Mike, his tone is not mean, it’s annoyed, like Mike has taken all the fun away from the night and Mike knows he is right, Mike always does that. It seems like it has become his superpower, he had mastered this ability of sucking the fun out of things: his friends giving him strange looks, his sisters rolling their eyes at him, his father grumbling how he’s the one making things more difficult for others, his mom concerned speeches trying to help him to open up, they all mix together with the unknown Omega’s comment and Mike can’t stop the sob that it brings out of him. It’s broken and wet and filled with all the pain he has carried along his body for years. The pain of not being built right, not knowing how to step in the footprints of that little pup who always knew who he was and what he wanted.

Mike doesn’t know who he is anymore. He has lost himself in between the Demogorgons, the Upside Down and the Abyss coming in his life like a car crash to run him over.

Jane, the only bright light who helped that little pup save his friends, save his family, was now gone too. She was gone and with her what little of Mike had survived the apocalypse that was slammed on his shoulders at the tender age of twelve.

Mike had become sand for a while now, letting the wind move and shape him in different ways everyday, but never knowing how to stand back on his own legs again, fractured so many times over and over again that he didn’t know which piece went where and in this maelstrom of nothingness his friends were about to leave him too.
Will was about to leave him, settle in New York, become an artist and found a nice Omega to love. All of that didn’t include Mike, he was going to be left to the sand and the wind with nothing to grasp but his own cowardice.

“Shut it!” Will growled and Mike -who had lost track of the conversation between the Alpha and the unknown Omega- whined softly, pressing his lips together to not make other sounds and anger the Alpha further. “No. No, Mike, I’m not angry at you” Will replied in a heartbeat to Mike’s startled sound with a gentle croon, hand firmly cupping the Omega’s nape, rubbing his wrist gland on Mike’s bared neck gland to scent him. Mike’s scent had become of rotten oranges and stale old books instead of his usual light and gentle one, Will was gently trying to soothe him, marking the Omega with his reassuring scent of pinewood and lavender. It was an unusual scent for an Alpha, but for Will was as perfect as the way his Alpha rumble seemed to always melt something frozen deep inside Mike. “Can you look at me?” He asked, but when Mike didn’t reply, the Alpha changed tactics. “Mike, at least stop hurting yourself, please…” Will pleaded, his lips close to Mike’s knuckles as he spoke and Mike’s eyes fluttered open, everything was unfocused and blurry but he could clearly feel a drop of blood running down the back of his ear. He pulled a hand away and saw his fingers smeared with a few drops of blood, the nails had dug in the soft skin behind the cartilage without Mike noticing the pain.

“Yes, good job. Let me see now” Will praised, hand ready to tilt Mike’s neck to the side and move his hair away to carefully check the injury Mike had put on himself. And everything would’ve gone well if the unknown Omega, who was still lingering behind Will with a fuming expression, didn’t turn on the light, making Mike flinch at the sudden burst of light in his dark little safe space. “What are you doing?! Turn it off!” Will’s head turned to the other Omega, voice low and menacing as he felt Mike shiver underneath his palm. “How are you going to see what he’s done without the light on?!” The unknown omega replied but Will didn’t want to hear it. “I said turn it off! He’s on the verge of a drop!” This time Will’s voice was louder, scared and angry, his hand left Mike’s nape as he quickly stood up and turned off the light himself.

Mike shivered, a little sense kicking in his unfocused head.
A drop?
He was having a drop.
That made sense of the cold, the adversity to light and loud sounds or scents. It wasn’t uncommon for Omega’s to drop after traumatic experiences, it was as common with Omegas as it was with Alphas. He remembered some teacher explaining at Mike’s sex-ed class, filled with hormonal fifteen year olds on the verge of presenting, that it was a strange and natural way the body had come up with to cope and realign oneself with their inner instincts.

Will’s hand was back on Mike’s nape, his pinewood and lavender scent back in full force as he turned his head to say something at the unknown Omega. Mike didn’t hear it, too focused on the warmth seeping from Will’s hand into his neck to listen to the end of that conversation. However, whatever Will had said seemed to have finally driven the stranger away, leaving them alone and Mike couldn’t have been more happy about it.
“Can I come in?” Mike turned at Will’s expression, his eyes glazed over as he tried to understand where exactly Will wanted to get in, then he looked around and saw he had hid himself in a shower. The sliding door he had opened was a shower wall made of glass and he had curled up on the shower plate. Mike’s eyes had lingered on the bottles of shampoo laying close to his shoes before he had turned his look back on Will and nodded. The Alpha didn’t waste time, seating himself behind the Omega in the shower. Hands curling around Mike’s waist as he pulled him up on his thighs, making him sit sideways on his lap.

“Everything is going to be fine” Will crooned, a hand rubbing Mike’s back up and down while the Omega slowly found his place with his nose hidden against Will’s neck gland, making the Alpha shiver and hum happy as his scent become richer with an undertone of honey, it only happened when something made Will really happy. “It’s because of Jane, isn’t it? I should’ve known better, I’m sorry I wasn’t there…” Mike didn’t have the brain to express himself, his throat closing the passage for his voice to speak up, for his tongue to articulate words. A frustrated sigh left his lips and died on the skin of Will’s neck as he rubbed his nose underneath Will’s jaw, lips nipping at the skin to shut the Alpha’s illogical speech to his omega fuzzy brain. “N-no…” he stammered, voice hoarse even though he didn’t know why his throat hurt so bad as he spoke up. “What?” Will asked, more because he didn’t hear the response than to force Mike to repeat himself. The Alpha’s hand settled in the middle of Mike’s back, his other hand gently held Mike’s knee, thumbs rubbing rhythmical circles above the fabric of his clothes to try and relax the distressed Omega in his arms.
“Not Jane” Mike said, his voice a little louder but not as steady as he wanted it to be. He groaned, the effort he had to take to stop himself from shivering long enough and articulate the two words was something he didn’t think he would ever despise, and here he was, not wanting to talk as he inhaled waves of Will’s gentle scent. “Then who?” Will’s question was thick with unsaid worry, Mike didn’t know why, he didn’t want to think about it, his Alpha was there, rubbing his back and pulling him close to scent mark him, it was everything he had ever wanted. His purr started as a soft unheard rumble, but it slowly grew when Will pressed his lips to Mike’s forehead where the omega’s hair were stuck to his forehead from the cold sweats, and tried to bring Mike’s attention back to him. “Mike?”

“Don’t leave…” The Omega mumbled, lips mouthing against the Alpha’s collar bone, eyes closed and his purr growing louder by the second, almost swallowing his words. “I’m here, aren’t I?” Will reassured him, and he was. His arms around Mike and his scent marking him.
But for how long?
For how long was Will going to touch him like this still? For how long was Mike entitled, if he had ever been, to Will’s presence and sweet words?
He whined, eyes burning at the thought of Will never scenting him again, lips pressed in a tight line again as he rubbed his face against the Alpha’s chest, shirt held tight in his hands. “Don’t leave me” Mike sniffled, his Omega instincts screaming at him to drape himself over the Alpha, to kiss him and make him bite his neck gland. But Mike would never force Will, not even if his own life depended on it. Will was a beauty to live alongside with, not something to cage and force to perform, if he didn’t want to. “Mike, I am not going anywhere” The Alpha reassured again, the hand on Mike’s knee moving up his tight to hold the Omega’s waist and pull him closer, like Will was afraid Mike would melt in between his arms through the cold sweats and disappear from the face of the earth. “But you are, you all are” Mike whined, his voice quivering as he felt the deep absence of his pack absence. He couldn’t smell Dustin’s Beta scent or Lucas and Max mingled scents on Will’s shirt. All he could inhale was Will’s scent and another one, a peachy Omega odour that was lingering on the shoulder Mike’s head wasn’t leaning on and he could remember how Will had smiled and chuckled amused at the other Omega. His pack was leaving him and he couldn’t do anything else than tug at their pack bonds to feel them closer, to make sure they were safe even if not there with him.

“Oh…” Will hums and Mike can feel in his tone the last piece of the puzzle lock in the Alpha’s head. “Mike, it doesn’t mean we’ll abandon you” Wil explains, his voice gentle, his lips pressing a peck atop Mike’s head but Mike shakes his head in a weak no, he doesn’t want Will to lie to him, now, at the end of their friendship. “You are” his voice was so sad and defeated as he spoke. Pulling away from Will’s chest, Mike looked up at his best friend, his body’s shiverings getting stronger with the distance that separated them now. Will’s eyebrows were frowning and his usually shining eyes looked at Mike like he wasn’t making any sense, blabbering words in a language he couldn’t comprehend. And that was the real issue, all his life the people around Mike had understood him just enough to label him: frog face, annoying, weird, stupid, icky. Will had been the only one with whom he hadn’t ever needed to explain himself, they knew each other the same way elephants remembered routes they had always traveled, it was ingrained so deep into their souls, so easy to access that Mike has never, not once, thought he had to explain himself to Will. Mike had never imagined that there would’ve come a day where Will didn’t understand him, but here he is, trying to pull Will in his path, to try and make him see his fears and Will leaving his hand, walking out the clear signaled out route without noticing. “No, we-“ Will tried, but Mike shook his head again, his voice so soft as he spoke, it would’ve been unhearable if not for the fact that their faces were extremely close still. “You

“Mike” Will says his name like he can’t believe it, like Mike is going insane and maybe he is, maybe Will’s arms pulling him closer added with Will’s soft scent marking him from his skins to his soul was making Mike go crazy, but he didn’t want to go crazy with anyone else, just Will. It has ever only been just Will for him.

“I-I don’t want to be alone” Mike croaks out, head pounding and words tumbling out his lips in barely existing whispers. It’s a painful truth the one he’s slowly ripping out of his chest. “I don’t want to be forgotten” each word hurts him as a physical blow, like he is quite literally tugging at each surgical point that had reattached the bleeding wound on his sternum together. “I don’t want to be just a storyteller” But he keeps going just to lay his wounded, bare and hurt self under another set of eyes. Will’s eyes and Mike knows Will will understand, he always does. “I want to be your paladin again” He doesn’t have anymore words, eyes downcast and body shivering with the cold of the drop slowly seeping deeper into his limbs. Will hands move away and Mike clenches his eyes, afraid to have said the wrong thing again, to have lost Will for the rest of his miserable life to be. Instead the Alpha cups his cheeks and brings his face back up, hazel green eyes drown in dark brown ones and Mike can see the desperation and hope bleeding out of Will’s pupils, like he can’t quite believe what Mike has just said. “You want to be my paladin?” He chuckles in disbelief, his voice wavering for the first time since Mike’s drop had hit in the middle of their graduation party.

Mike can’t stop himself, as soon as the words spill from his mouth he feels his body move, lean closer to Will’s and kiss him. The Alpha stays still, too stunned to reciprocate as Mike presses their lips together with desperate ache, fingers sliding in Will’s soft curls to push him down more firmer on his lips. It’s a rather chaste kiss, no tongue or teeth or saliva, just the press of their lips, Mike’s body shivering and Will’s eyes blown wide open in shock.
Mike pulls away when it takes way too much time for Will to respond. He feels stupid, he has known for a while now that Will doesn’t like him back anymore, still Mike had tried, he had tried his best to grasp at Will’s existence, so that he was sure Will would remain in his memories as the love of his life. “Is that…” he starts, but his voice trembles and he has to start again. “Is that so unbelievable?” His question lingers between them, Will’s eyes moving from Mike’s eyes to his lips, trying to understand, trying to put the pieces together without knowing the order. Mike expects Will to lash, to just stand up and leave or even to don’t understand. He could’ve accepted silently all of that happen, instead the Alpha’s lips twitch like he’s trying not to smile, eyes lingering a little too long on Mike’s lips before coming back up to meet the Omega’s brown orbs. “You knew?” He asks and Mike doesn’t know if he is talking about the coming out, his feelings or Mike’s, but he nods. “I knew”

A soft chuckle leaves Will’s slightly parted lips, his smile grows bright until it lights up the whole bathroom where they are sitting in the dark of the shower in somebody’s house. “But… but you never told me… you never mentioned the painting” Will babbled, his smile doesn’t stop growing even as he looks confused at Mike. The Omega frowns, what does the painting need to do with any of this? “The painting?” So he asks and Will blinks, now he is even more confused. “The paladin isn’t about the painting?” Mikes feels even more stupid now than at the start of all of this, because everything clicks together in a second.

She’s just so different from other people.

But you make her feel like she is not a mistake at all for being different.

You’re the heart.

“The painting wasn’t from Jane” Mike mumbles and Will stills. “You didn’t know” The Alpha understands they haven’t been on the same track of thought and Mike looks up at him, hurt. “You lied to me”
Mike is an idiot, he should’ve known that, he should’ve seen that right when it happened, how couldn’t he see it? “I…” Will tries to say something, his hands still cradling Mike’s face in his hands, but the Omega stops him as he pulls away from the Alpha, like Will’s touch has burned him. “Am I that stupid?” He asks, pulling his friend’s hands away from his face, eyes burning with the need to cry again. “Did you laugh at how idiotic I looked?” Will’s hands fell on Mike’s shoulders pulling his best friend close to him again, he isn’t going to let Mike feel stupid for something Will had tried to hide from him on purpose. “No, Mike. Listen to me” he says, voice so firm that makes Mike stop in his tracks as he tried to escape the Alpha’s hands. “I don’t think you’re stupid, I never and Will never think that” Will blurts out, his hands gripping Mike’s biceps, the Omega’s cold sweats have become visible again, sweat dripping down his temple to run down his cheeks and linger on his chin as he shivers at the freezing feeling burning him from the inside out.
“You’re brave and kind and loyal. I was scared of myself back then, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship and you… you were with Jane, I could’ve never hurt her or you like that” Will’s eyes were clear, his breath uneven as he spoke as fast as possible, like he didn’t want Mike to mistake his silence again.

This was it, their last chance, the last time they could untangle the knotted bundle that had become of the tether which had bonded them since they were kids. “It wasn’t you, it was me” Will said and Mike didn’t really believe him. Will was perfect, it was Mike the one who could never read a room, even if his own life depended on it. “And now?” The Omega asked instead, his eyes hopeful and his voice barely heardable again. “Is it too late now? Can I… can we…” his eyes looked at Will’s lips, they had been so soft against his own, and his inner Omega instincts were begging him to kiss Will again, but he held back waiting for his best friend’s reply.

The Alpha’s breath stopped for a second. “I… do you want to?” He asked, not sure if he should’ve taken Mike’s words at face value or not. They had spent years dancing around it, ignoring the way they fit so perfectly in each other’s lives. Will had yearned to be able to tell Mike, to pull him close and kiss him like their lives depended on it, but had always held back for Jane, for Mike, for himself. Right now it doesn’t matter though. His eyes are looking into Mike’s and his hands gently brush the Omega’s arms before finding their place in his friend’s hands, fingers interlacing like second nature. “You’re asking me if I want to? Will, I just kissed you!” Mike’s response was a little stunned, his lips slightly parted and slowly uprising before he leaned his forehead against Will’s, fondness shining bright in his brown depths.

Will shrugs, now a little embarrassed and self-conscious as he takes a deep breath and starts to explain himself yet again. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you want to be with me in a committed relationship when I am about to leave fo-” thankfully Mike stops him before his rambling could continue for the next minutes, lips pressed firmly against Will’s but hungrier than before. Will hums as Mike nips his bottom lip, tongue swiping quickly where his teeth had nipped so that he could slip it in between the Alpha’s soft lips to finally meet the other’s tongue. Will’s hands was in Mike’s hair and Mike gripped Will’s shirt, they pulled each other closer, hands scared to slip away, to lose this tentative chance they had made for themselves in the shower cubicle of someone’s bathroom at a graduation party.

Something new between them had been on the verge of changing for years now, Mike’s sand was now burning so high he could feel himself being reshaped and created out of glass by Will’s careful hands. The artist who had lived all his life beside him was better than God himself, because Will knew Mike. They were the integral part of each other that kept their bodies alive. The indissoluble tether now no longer tangled in knots, it lay between them, tying them together like it had done since the start, since Mike had approached Will on the swings that fateful day.
They broke the kiss, Mike’s lips were tingling and Will’s looked so red and puffy Mike just wanted to dive back in.
“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
Mike asked. Will smiled, a soft nod moving his head before they went in to kiss again.

Notes:

here I am posting my first fic on AO3 instead of studying for my exams. I wrote this fic instead of being a functionign human being so if there are some grammatical errors or some sentences that don't make sense, please let me know! BTW I wrote this story while listening to 'Purple Rain' by Prince, 'Smalltown boy' by Bronski Beat and 'Work of Art' by Benson Boone.
I really hope someone has enjoyed my work, please let me know if it happened, I am open to critique as well!
(I really really hope the tags areok, if not someone please tell me!)

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