Chapter Text
My Aiah,
Pasensya ka na, paulit-ulit na lang ako. Pero miss na kasi kita eh. Kung pwede lang mag-drive ako papunta sayo ngayon, ginawa ko na. Kaso masyado kang malayo eh, sana pwede ‘no?
I’m eating our favorite meal at our mahogany dining table, the one we bought on sale. Para akong tanga na tumatawa kasi I can still remember vividly how we argued for like an hour about whether it would fit in the sedan. It was so funny remembering your cute, frustrated face. You almost ended up crying while saying “Kasya yan! Tiwala lang.”
Do you remember how we first met? We were on that waiting shed somewhere in Cubao, nag-cutting classes kami ni Maloi kasi inaya niya ‘ko magpunta sa Expo, tapos ikaw galing ka pa yatang klase noon. Ang ironic ‘no?
It was pouring crazy that day but all I could focus on was how you were trying to shield your books from getting wet. You hugged your tote bag against your chest kasi tela lang siya at mabilis mabasa. Of course, being the idiot that I am, I offered you Maloi’s umbrella. Umuwi tuloy kaming mukhang basang sisiw, tapos bwisit na bwisit siya sa akin no’n hahaha.
Bago tayo mag kanya-kanya, we talked about our programs. Which, by the way, wala akong masyadong naintindihan kasi nakatutok lang ako sa ganda ng ngiti mo, pati sa tiny dimple na meron ka sa sulok ng labi mo. By the time we went our separate ways, I knew two things: one, that I was going to flunk my exam the next day because I couldn’t get you off my mind, and two, that I wanted to be the one holding the umbrella for you for the rest of my life.
Anyway, kamusta ka na kaya diyan? I hope you’re sleeping well. It’s raining here today kasi may paparating ata na bagyo. Sana kung umuulan din diyan ngayon, hindi mo makalimutan magdala ng payong palagi.
I’ve been thinking about us a lot lately, I still can’t believe we’re getting married!
Kaso bawat sulat ko sa’yo, lalo kitang namimiss eh. Maybe it’s the silence of the house, masyado kasing malaki ‘tong bahay natin para sa isa. Pero ayos lang, saglit na lang naman!
I still remember when we first moved in. We almost broke up because we fought over curtains. Now it’s so funny looking back. Gusto ko kasi makulay, ikaw gusto mo neutral colors. Syempre, sino bang mananalo? Edi ang bossing ko!
Kumakain ka kaya diyan?
I worry about you. Alam ko mapili ka sa pagkain and I know you enough kasi nung college, sinasabi mo lang na kumain ka sa tamang oras para lang ‘di ako mag-worry. I hope you’re not skipping meals just because you’re too busy. I also hope you don’t drink coffee on an empty stomach. Sumasakit pa naman tiyan mo ‘pag ganun.
How is life treating you there? Must be hard ‘no? Starting over with new faces in a new place. I can only imagine how brave you have to be every day. Starting from a blank slate with foreign people who have no idea about your history, that don't know how you like your eggs done, that you prefer your drink to be room-temperature, that doesn’t know how you talk in your sleep. I am so proud of you, Aiah ko.
I’m sorry love, I realized I haven’t written to you in a week. Sorry kasi natagalan, I told myself I wouldn’t write anymore unless I had something happy to report. But nothing happens here, my love. Sobrang walang kwenta talaga kapag wala ka sa tabi ko. Kaya wag ka mag-alala kasi you’re not missing out much.
It’s been five years since this pero don’t worry! I’m learning to live with it naman. Patience lang, right?
Pero Aiah ko, napapagod na ako. ‘Wag kang magtampo ha? Hindi ako napapagod sayo, never at you. Pagod lang siguro ako sa katahimikan. Nakakalungkot na hindi ko naririnig yung bungisngis mo. Hay.
I miss you a little too much today and I feel exhausted. Parang pumasok sa dibdib ko yung simoy ng hangin at yung lamig ng ulan. I guess that’s what happens when Jho has been away from Aiah for too long.
I tried to watch our favorite show to feel a little comfort, but it still feels different when you’re here beside me. Maybe the jokes were only funny because I heard you laughing beside me, but now that we have quite the distance, it seemed boring to me na.
I miss you so much that my bones feel heavy. Ewan ko ba. Nakakapagod talaga kapag wala ka, Aiah ko.
Itutulog ko na lang siguro.
By the way, I bought your dream lamp! I also paid the bills na. I watered your plants na rin, there’s this new leaf unfurling and it’s so beautiful—you’d be proud of how I kept it alive. I took a photo of it so I can send it to you later. I even spent the whole day cleaning! Everything is in order so you won’t have to worry about anything when we see each other again.
I’m just going to lay down and close my eyes, okay? Dami rin kasing nangyari today, tapos lalo kitang namiss. So, I’m going to finish this meal. Sakto, I just changed the sheets. I put on the ones that you like, I’m also wearing this old shirt of yours because this is the closest I could get to having you around.
Pagod na pagod ako ngayon, dami ko kasing ginawa. I’m going to close my eyes and think of how we began. Maybe even everything we argued about or the feeling of your palm against mine.
Sabi nila kasi, yung huling iniisip mo bago ka matulog yung lalabas sa panaginip mo.
I’ll wait for you in the quiet, in my dreams. Maybe if I sleep deeply enough, this distance won’t feel too far. And maybe if I dream hard enough, baka mahawakan na kita ulit, okay na muna ‘yon kahit sa panaginip lang muna. Basta nilolook forward ko yung ngiti mo na sasalubong sa akin pagkagising.
Ang OA ko rin ‘no? Eh isang gabi na lang naman, we’re going to be together again. Nagawa ko ngang mag-wait ng ilang taon eh, pero mas nakaka-atat siguro talaga kapag malapit na ‘yung oras tapos alam ko na magkakasama na ulit tayo.
I’m yawning na as I’m writing this. I'm going to bed soon. Antok na ako, Aiah ko. Pikit lang muna ako.
Mahal na mahal kita, Aiah. Higit pa sa mga salitang kayang isulat ng kamay ko.
Sleep well, my love. I know I will. Goodnight.
Nagmamahal,
Jhoanna