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Fan Xiao didn't know how he ended up proposing the idea of going to a gay bar. At first, he thought he wanted to see what expression the saint gave to him, anger, embarrassment, lust, anything... anything would be good as long as You Shulang gave it to him.
He badly wanted to see.
But now, he didn't want it anymore. Not when You Shulang casually accepted the proposal, like saying something self-evident as the sun rising in the east or gravity existing.
He was seething when they faced the bar, neon light flickering artificially, making half the city light up with its indecent marking. Fan Xiao cursed internally, the matches inside his coat pocket getting crushed as You Shulang turned his head towards him, an amusing smirk playing on his lips.
"President Fan, the seminar just ended, and you dragged me in your car just to bring me to a gay bar?" The neon lights flickering on his eyes were the only thing that was indescribable to Fan Xiao, sending a shiver in him without any grounds.
"You didn't talk to me all day, Shulang. Your mood from last night was off because of me." Fan Xiao came closer to him, his brows creasing, "I wanted to make amends for it." Fan Xiao sighed, facing the bar, the creasing of his brows deepened, "This is Pattaya's best gay bar, famous for Hua people. I hope you like it."
You Shulang glanced at Fan Xiao, wanting to decode any motive for his action, before putting his hands in his pockets. "Can't wait to see President Fan's arrangement."
"Let's go then." The vein behind his ears twitched uncontrollably.
°●
Inside the bar, the environment was totally different, but expected. It unfolded beneath a canopy of lights, pulsating and fracturing, bleeding and dissolving. Music thundered from the unseen speakers, bass vibrating, colliding with the smiles caught mid-laugh, eyes half-lidded with either intoxication or desire, bodies in constant motion. Laughter burst too loud, words slurred into intimacy and swallowed entirely by the noise. The air was thick, and Fan Xiao only breathed the wild rose scent trailing to him, which constantly brought him to the present.
Glassware clinked at the very corner, and You Shulang went to sit in the empty areas. Fan Xiao trudged behind him, desire pooling at his chest.
"Fan Xiao," You Shulang stated as soon as Fan Xiao sat down, clutching the bottle of scotch, he poured it for him before pouring himself one. "You said you'll help me find someone tonight. Where are they?"
Before Fan Xiao said something, a dainty guy came over to them, adorned with sequins and jewelry so sparkly, it physically cringed Fan Xiao. He clutched the glass of scotch harder, ignoring the twitches behind his ear.
"Hey, handsomes," he purred, looking intently at You Shulang before pointing between them, "Are you two couples?" he smirked at You Shulang, twirling his mullet.
Fan Xiao stared at Shulang, wanting to see which expression he gave. He half expected no expression, half expected amusement in his eyes. What he saw made his stomach twist.
Never had he ever thought of seeing You Shulang giving this expression to any guy, he was relaxed, yes, but heat pooled in his eyes so searing, it scared him.
For a moment, all the self-control he refined along his span of life extinguished in a flash. The next thing he uttered made all three of them astounded.
Both the guy and You Shulang turned their heads so fast towards him that he would visibly wince if he didn't startle himself. He said yes unconsciously, and looked over Shulang for a little longer. Not deciphering the expression, he stared at the dejected boy and added, "We're a couple." No more words were uttered, the eyes of his said everything.
"Well, have you two ever considered an open night? I don't mind you bot-" the boy shuddered mid-words, seeing red pooling through Fan Xiao's eyes. "Forget it." he went away.
Before Fan Xiao turned to You Shulang, he stomped off the bar immediately. He chased after him, ignoring the quivering of his heart.
"Shulang, wait..."
"What was that?" You Shulang turned to him, eyes red with anger and confusion, he demanded a straight answer. "Inside, what did you say?" His voice was steady, which made Fan Xiao more uneasy.
"I..." Fan Xiao took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to say that."
"What did you mean then?"
"Shulang..."
You Shulang sighed. Never had he thought Fan Xiao of all people will state these kinds of words. He knew how to detect his kind of people. Fan Xiao wasn't 'his' kind of people.
"Are you gay?"
"I..." Fan Xiao was stunned, didn't know how to approach this question. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water.
"Answer me!" Shulang shouted, "Are you? Or is this some kind of game to you?" He came closer to Fan Xiao, eyes never leaving his, "So sorry to disappoint you, President Fan, but if you thought that I seduced you for it in any way," his eyes red with smoldering anger, but he was controlling himself in this intense moment. Fan Xiao breathed silently, blood pumping loud in his ears. "I had never had an intention for it. I don't remember giving any kind of signal that gives you the impression of me seducing you." He turned around heaving hard, lighting a cigarette.
"If I told you I was gay..." Fan Xiao watched the smoke as it swirled away, then turned his gaze to Shulang who faced him, "Would you be with me?"
"Fan Xiao, repeat what you said just now." You Shulang added, eyes cold as ice, Fan Xiao thought they cut through his skin.
"I want to sleep with you."
If You Shulang had been seeing red, now he saw blood. "Fan Xiao, I told you to repeat to take back the words, not uttering them again."
"Why would I?" Fan Xiao strolled towards You Shulang, an amusing smirk now playing on his lips, his heart beating louder with desire or uncertainty, he didn't know. "Don’t you want to sleep with me too, Director You?"
"What?"
"Don’t I check off your interests? Don't I turn you on too?"
"Fan Xiao!" You Shulang grabbed his collar and shoved him against the wall. The ash-grey soot flicking on the other's shoulder, smearing his million-dollar suit. He stared at Fan Xiao for some time before releasing him, turning his attention towards the cigarette. He took a big drag before deliberately blowing smoke in Fan Xiao's face.
"You don't turn me on," You Shulang took another measured puff on his cigarette.
"Why?" Fan Xiao was becoming impatient, "Where do I lack?"
"Where?" You Shulang now turned to him fully. "I'll tell you where you lack. Your face is not fair, not pretty enough, lashes not as long and seductive." His eyes trailed down to his waist, clenching the butt of the cigarette between his teeth, he grabbed his waist with both hands, pinching it, "Not small enough, doesn't turn me on," He swiped his hands lower, seized his ass, squeezing them. "Not soft enough, stiff as fuck, can't even grab them" He pulled away slowly, tossing the stub aside, crushing it under his foot. He sighed, "Fair and pretty, soft and tender, which applies to you?"
"Shulang," Fan Xiao's eyes didn't leave his, even for a moment, "I think your description of a man's love is distorted, or..." He came closer to You Shulang. "You're doing this, to keep me away? You were excited when you grabbed me earlier." He bumped his nose with You Shulang's. "Let me show you how a man loves." He nuzzled his nose against his. "Let me cherish you tonight."
"Fan Xiao," You Shulang whispered, neither turning away nor pushing Fan Xiao, "For the sake of our friendship, I was holding back. If you want a fling, I can't give you that."
"If I wanted a fling," Fan Xiao whispered back, touching his shoulder, "Why would I kiss you at the hotel?"
"Why?" You Shulang took a step back, staring him straight in the eyes, "Wasn't it a trauma response?"
"Because I love you!" Fan Xiao raised his voice. You Shulang's breath hitched on his lips, igniting a blazing ache in his chest. "I love you." Fan Xiao sighed, closing his eyes. "I love you, Shulang..."
"Nonsense!" You Shulang barked.
"I'll tell you what's nonsense." Fan Xiao shouted back, his heart clenching once more as he pulled You Shulang closer, foreheads touching, "I want to see you every day. When I see you, I don't want to let you go. When I don't, I feel fucking anxious. I make all the dumb excuses just to see you. Bohai doesn't even matter. I don't even like wetland parks. Do you think my direction is so bad that I can't even use the navigator? Why do I seek you, Director You?" Fan Xiao closes his eyes. "Why do I want you all the time, Shulang? You are experienced. Can you tell me?" The yearning in his voice. Even Fan Xiao got scared.
You Shulang got startled. "You say you love me. You say it's not a fling?"
"It's not." Fan Xiao opened his eyes, directly staring at You Shulang. "I'm serious. When I picture my future, it's you I see."
All of it hit You Shulang at once. He sighed. "I don't want to drag you. Being gay is already difficult." He looks at Fan Xiao, seeing the hungry eyes of the wolf in front of him. "Are you sure about this?" He came closer to Fan Xiao, pushing him against the very wall once again. "Don't blame me for not holding back."
At this moment, Fan Xiao was breathing heavily. He wanted You Shulang's kiss. His bodhisattva's kiss. "Kiss me, Shulang." He smashed his lips against You Shulang's. He heard his heartbeat in his ears, the taste of You Shulang's tongue. They kissed and kissed again until they lost their breath and had to stop to chase it down. But the hunger in their eyes remained the same.
"Fan Xiao," You Shulang heaved, swiping his hands up from his shoulder to his neck, pulling him closer. "I want to fuck you." Fan Xiao's eyes darkened.
"Can't wait, my Bodhisattva..."