Work Text:
Emancipation According to the Fashion Victim
By Mitch
Holy Hanna! What can I possibly say about this big cluster eff you blanket-blank? Get me the heck outta here?
De opresso liber, the motto of Army Special Forces. Well, it definitely wasn't my intended mission, to free the women of this planet from oppression. I just wanted to walk around and see the settlement with Daniel and the Colonel, not to mention Teal'c. But I screwed up! I screwed up over and over!
I’m not being too hard on myself, an accusation my brother, Mark always made when I was very young. My dad certainly never felt that way. But maybe I am. I have to try to look at my horrible actions through the eyes of my commanding officer. He has a level head and good judgement. I didn’t feel that way about him in the first three seconds of our meeting, but over the course of our few missions I've come to change my mind and trust him. He trusts me and I can explain why. But I want to take a frank and hard look at my actions first.
I threw a temper tantrum about the blue dress and the tiara—head dress when all I really wanted to do was twirl around and enjoy the sweep of the skirt, stroll around and act like some Disney princess for a day. But that didn't happen. I put on this macho act and then had to stick to it. I certainly wasn't being true to myself. Clothing has never held me back from doing anything I wanted to do! From riding motorcycles to cliff diving? Never been an obstacle for me!
I enjoy dressing up! I like my motorcycle boots as much as I like my ruffled dresses. I like wearing a uniform. Not that I have a fetish or anything, but I like fatigues, tactical black, dress blues…all of it. And striped socks! If I had been a flapper I would have worn long fringe, a child of the 60's, some killer boots, a long skirt and those round colored glasses. And beads! Love beads! Any era, I love the clothes!
But I was over-compensating and trying to be one of the guys. Dumb!
So I didn't conduct myself very well or very honestly on the whole mission. I took credit for saving that boy, Abu, when all I really did was stand there and pull up my P-90. Dad would be aghast. Then I let myself get kidnapped! I was resting right there by my weapon and fumbled for it like a fool. I'm special-forces trained in hand-to-hand combat and a scared little boy took me hostage? Come on! How did that happen?
And how many times on that trek through the forest did I pass on an opportunity to overpower Abu? He had my hands tied in front, for heck's sake. In front!
Then he traded me to this over the top costumed bad guy. Worse than any of Daniel and Teal'c's stories about how bad the goa'uld posture and preen. Absolute cluster eff you blankety-blank.
I was so embarrassed to find myself in that predicament.
And I behaved worse! In this bad guy's camp he was telling me I needed to sew and cook and what did I do? I belittled all those skills. I mean all around me were women working themselves ragged from dawn till dusk doing intensive manual labor, highly skilled and specialized labor that is vital to the lives of their children and spouses and I mouth off about how worthless their work is and how I'm too good to cook, sew, weave, knit… Absolutely shameful! I disrespected them, their skills, their way of life and puffed up myself as living the life of a MAN. All that declaration did was reinforce this evil tribal leader's gender bias.
Do I honestly think so little of women?
Later, I did manage to extricate myself from that mess. Started a fire and then stole a horse. And guess what? I fell off the darned horse and got recaptured! All my planning, my timing, my push to get myself out of the mess I got myself into, and I fell off the horse.
Well, they dragged me back to camp and I had to wait around for the men-folk to come rescue poor little 'ole me. I wasn't thinking favorably about any Disney princesses right then, I can assure you!
Here's one of the many unbelievably embarrassing things I said. If you have to beat a woman to feel like a man, try me! I actually said that! When it came out of my mouth it reminded me of a line from a really bad movie written by some man who knows nothing about women.
What I, if I was being myself, should have said? There is never any justifiable motivation or reason to beat another living being. She's not an enemy soldier and this is not an instance of combat.
Gender, size, age, none of that factors into justifiable beatings because beatings cannot be justified. I was narrowing down the atrocity to gender roles, assigning him the motivation of wanting to "feel like a man". What if it had been an elderly man he was beating? Or a child? Or a physically fit thief? A captured enemy prisoner? Still, not justifiable.
While I was in the camp this time I spent more time with the women. Do you know it takes an average of four hours of intense physical labor just to bake one loaf of bread? And you had better know what you are doing, otherwise you're feeding your family bread full of pebbles that will break teeth, cause abscesses, possible infections and lead to early death. You need to be able to pick mushrooms safely, to prepare meat in a way that will not kill off half your village. And these women go about these duties with grace and poise every day of their lives. That's what I saw.
Well, the Colonel and Daniel and Teal'c, they came and got me. I was not waiting around for the men-folk to come rescue poor little feminine me. Like I said at the beginning, I'm taking a frank and brutal look at my actions here. The fact is clear, I was a competent, well-trained Air Force Captain, counting on my competent, well-trained Air Force Colonel and his team to come free me. They did and I was grateful. I wasn't embarrassed about being rescued.
We were making our way back home, me without the blue dress or tiara and I got handed one more chance to respond as a competent, well trained officer and I did it, sort of.
Abu asked us to help him save his girl. I didn't exactly beg the Colonel to assist Abu, but I was sure grateful when Daniel chimed in to support my position. You know, Daniel and I are becoming great friends. This is when I pulled out the motto of the Army Special Forces.
In retrospect I can clearly state I was pushing the line of insubordination. A case could be made that I attempted to shame my commanding officer into action by quoting that motto. It is the last time I will ever do so. I will present him with alternatives, with additional information he may not have yet considered, as any good airman should. But I will not allow the appearance that I attempt to manipulate him through shame. Ever again. I could have presented him with the information about the opposing forces, their numbers, positions as I had observed during my captivity. I could offer a plan of attack to retrieve the girl.
Daniel added logic and options to the discussion.
I should go into detail about how I defeated my former captor. I should explain how I squared off against him, expecting a fight of two equals. I was aware that this was a brutal man who spent all his time in competitive wrestling, riding, knife-fights. He was muscled and had forty pounds on me. He had probably six inches of reach on me too. But I wasn't backing down. When he pulled a knife, I had one moment of panic before I just yanked out my K-bar and went with the flow.
I beat him! I mean, don't get me wrong. I wasn't surprised that I did. Not much. I have adequate hand to hand training but I'm primarily a scientist, and that's how I spend my days, in scientific pursuits. He, on the other hand, is an extremely physically fit man who spends his days leading other men through the use of an iron fist, but I beat him.
When I had him on the ground I think I got a bit afraid. I made him give all kinds of promises at the point of a knife. But it was my one chance to redeem myself from all the mess of this mission and I did it.
I was really glad to be leaving this planet. I learned some valuable lessons for future missions. I should keep a cool head at all times. I should not belittle women, or their skills. I should not go bragging about living like a man on my home planet. I should not take credit for saving someone. If escaping on a horse, I should hold onto the mane. I can count on Daniel to back me with the Colonel when something is very important to me. And the Colonel trusts me, I know, because he treats me with no special care. De opresso liber, the motto of Army Special Forces, I will always follow!
We walked through the gate, the Colonel on my left, Daniel on my right. I know the two of them have a deep friendship that started a year before I was even in the program, and it shows. They're connected. Teal'c sees their connection. The General sees it. Most of the marines under Cheyenne see it. We don't talk about it but we all see it.
I mention their relationship because I need to explain something very important here. I'm grateful for the way they purposefully include me. That sense of inclusion is incredibly important to me. That's part of why I behaved so badly on this mission, the fact that the dress-code for women upset me. It was my choice to be excluded, to refuse the veil or the dress and by that refusal, be barred from accompanying them on their stroll around the village, and interaction with the society.
I won't make that mistake again. I did it to myself and Daniel tried to tell me. I just didn't listen. Back on Earth there are many places where a dress code, if refused, will bar people on the basis of gender, religion, size, sexual orientation and socio-economic status. Why should another planet be any different? Why, Daniel was trying to tell me, should I expect to be allowed to refuse to follow such codes on other planets when the code doesn't please me?
The other half of that valuable lesson is simply this. I have grown up in a society that, granted, to a lesser degree than the Shavadai, intentionally devalues the female gender. I have had to deal with that bias in all aspects of my life for as long as I can remember. That position of expecting to have to confront, battle and defeat gender bias on a daily basis is part of me (and my internal reproductive organs). I will not allow it to interfere with my missions, just as I have faced it and refused to allow it to affect my military career, personal relationships, friendships, hobbies, well, like I said, all aspects of my life.
De oppresso libre. To free the oppressed. It has been something I've had to do for myself all of my life.
I hook an arm through Daniel's as we walk down the gate ramp, smiling at him. He gives me this beautiful smile in return and I know we're going to be the best of friends for a very, very long time!
~
End of my Emancipation re-watch series
Thank you for reading!