Archive of Our Own

I composed a beautiful letter to you in the sleepless nightmare hours of the night, and it has all gone. I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way. You, with all your un-dumb letters, would never write so elementary phrase as that [...] I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is just really a squeal of pain. It is incredible how essential to me you have become. I suppose you are accustomed to people saying these things. Damn you, spoilt creature; I shan’t make you love me any the more by giving myself away like this—But oh my dear, I can’t be clever and stand-offish with you. I love you too much for that. 

   - Vita Sackville-West, in a letter to Virginia Woolf 

The dial tone clicks before it connects.

“Minho-hyung,” Jisung says, “did you borrow someone’s phone to make this call?”

“Mm. Your tour manager, or something. I think he’s an intern.”

Jisung’s responding laugh is tinged with disbelief. “How did you find my intern at barricade?”

“I’m a determined fan, Han Jisung-ssi,” Minho says, and then his voice softens with the truth. “I wanted to hear your voice.”

“Jagi,” Jisung says, lowering his voice the way he always does when he’s about to say something sweet. “You just heard me perform for 3 hours. Couldn’t you wait till we get home?”

“I can never wait when it comes to you,” Minho responds.

“Not true,” Jisung says with a laugh. It’s the flustered kind. Minho can see it painted onto the back of his eyelids when he blinks. “You waited. Isn’t that how this…” Jisung pauses for effect, emphasising the words left unsaid, the kind of words he uses when he’s feeling particularly romantic (which is, of course, all the time. Minho’s boy has a diet built on sweet treats and romance)—we, us, our relationship, our love, our star-crossed story—“…lasted?”

Minho smiles. It’s the kind of smile that contorts his face, like he’s a lemon cut in half, wrung out by Jisung’s words. It’s the kind that leaves an aftertaste. The kind that needs to be chased down with a kiss. 

Minho tells himself to be patient. He still has to wait approximately 10 minutes before he can cut through this crowd and actually manage to go backstage to see his husband, so he smiles. Smiles a smile so loud that there’s no phone call that could hold it back from reaching Jisung, despite the (short) distance.

“It didn’t feel like waiting,” Minho says through his loud, loud smile. “It felt like the beginning.”

2021

#welcome

> welcome <@hanburger>, fellow nanahachi luvr 💖Read through the #rules channel to access the rest of the server ✂️Have a yuriful time~

> welcome <@nanatops>, fellow nanahachi luvr 💖Read through the #rules channel to access the rest of the server ✂️Have a yuriful time~

> welcome <@leeminho>, fellow nanahachi luvr 💖Read through the #rules channel to access the rest of the server ✂️Have a yuriful time~

#rules

Don’t talk shit. 18+ server. Don’t be a hater. In this house we love yaoi and yuri. Keep fanwars out of the server. Keep top/bottom discourse to a minimum. If you want to talk kink, stick to the #kink-dungeon channel. If you feel uncomfortable, dm mods @scissormenana or @carybiner and we’ll help you out :3

Enjoy~

#introductions

hannie 🍒 21/10/2021, 13:05

hi everyone ^^

name: hannie (he/him)

twt: @hananabanana

age: 19

interests: yuri, yaoi, music!! writing, anything that involves romance

fun fact: i’m a musician :3

Fav media i recently consumed: not to be basic but nana :) i also just listened to twice’s alcohol free and i’m obsessed. #momoiloveu

Lino 🐈  21/10/2021, 18:45

Name: you can call me lino, he/him

twitter: @himedancey3000

Age: 19

Interests: nana, anime, dancing, food

fun fact: i’m gay

Fav media i recently consumed: howl’s moving castle

hannie 🍒 21/10/2021, 19:35

Hiii!!! Sliding in here because you mentioned howl’s moving castle on the server and that’s like…my mating call :3c hehe

I LOVE THAT MOVIE!!

Lino 🐈 25/10/2021, 09:25

Hi, hannie

I’m sorry I replied so late

Is it embarrassing to admit that I don’t know how discord works? I kind of got lost in the server and then I only saw your notification on my screen four days later…because I thought it was a message in the server

Replied to you: I love that movie too. Calcifer’s my favourite character

hannie 🍒 25/10/2021, 09:27

Replied to you: oh so i’m talking to a 19 year old grandpa :p

Lino 🐈 25/10/2021, 09:27

😯

I am very skilled at other things

Just not discord

hannie 🍒 25/10/2021, 09:28

You seem to be doing great so far, lino the calcifer lover :)

My fav character is howl!!!

Lino 🐈 25/10/2021, 09:28

Oh so i’m talking to a gay person

hannie 🍒 25/10/2021, 09:28

Hey .

I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lino 🐈 25/10/2021, 09:30

😼

lino 1 hannie 0

hannie 🍒 25/10/2021, 09:32

OH OK

You will be attacked when you least expect it

Lino 🐈 25/10/2021, 09:32

I feel very threatened

Tell me, howl-loving hannie

What other movies do you like?

30.12.2022

Hi,

It’s Minho!! You might have expected me to be someone else. I’m not sure who visits your postbox often, but this year, it’s me. I’m sending you this postcard because I lost my phone, and we always wish each other a happy new year. These things have such little space so I'm writing all tiny. But maybe you’re fluent in tiny. What was it that your eomma called you that one time we called? Tiny little Jisungie.

I’m in Paris this week. On vacation with my family. I must’ve been looking the other way when my pockets suddenly felt a little bit emptier than before. Pickpocketed in the city of love. Just my luck. You can laugh, it’s funny.

I can’t believe I wasn’t paying attention. Hyung is usually careful, Jisungie. You know that, of course. You’re the first risk I took in my life.

Something about writing with a pen is making me want to spill all my thoughts to you. I can’t backspace my words. You’ll just have to read them all.

The moon was full tonight, and I got caught up in taking a picture of it. That’s when my phone disappeared. Silly, right? I’m still riding that silly high, so I bought this postcard from a kind looking lady and decided that I’d still wish you a happy new year. Maybe this will reach you after the new year. Maybe it’ll be exceptionally fast. Regardless:

Happy new year, Jisungie.

hannie 🍒 02/12/2021, 12:45

FINALLY FREE

Lino 🐈 02/12/2021, 12:47

Hi hannnieeeeeeeee

Album done?

hannie 🍒 02/12/2021, 12:50

ALBUM DONE

Tell me when you’re free i wanna watch you listen to it :3

If you want to……

Lino 🐈 02/12/2021, 12:52

😾

You dare doubt my loyalty to hananabanana?

You’re going to be my top artist

I’m free right now

hannie 🍒 02/12/2021, 12:53

Right now?

Lino 🐈 02/12/2021, 12:56

Right now

hannie 🍒 02/12/2021, 12:58

Omg

I know i proposed it but i’m nervous now

Lino 🐈 02/12/2021, 12:58

We don’t have to call if you don’t want to, hannie

hannie 🍒 02/12/2021, 12:59

NO

I want to

AHhhhhhh

I’m just nervous

Lino 🐈 02/12/2021, 13:00

I’m nervous too

But it’s just meeeeee

Call me

📞 hannie 🍒 started a call that lasted 4 hours and 25 minutes. 02/12/2021

03.01.2023

Minho-hyung,

You really are silly. Silly and thoughtful. I received your postcard today, on the 3rd of January. It’s been 3 days without a happy new year message from you. When I sent you my message, it didn’t deliver. I wondered if you suddenly had a quarter life crisis and deleted your account. Stupidly, I also wondered if you blocked me D:

It’s true—tiny little Jisungie is fluent in tinyspeak ^^ I didn’t have to try hard to read your words because your handwriting is really pretty. Of course you write in cursive!!!! It suits you~ Don’t be so hard on yourself for losing your phone, hyung-ah. The moon is much more important. I wish you would have sent me the picture you took of it, you must have taken it on your fancy new camera, right?

Besides, hyung is always careful. And so diligent, too. And more sensitive than tiny little Jisungie could have ever imagined when he decided to take a chance and reply to a stranger on the internet obsessed with howl’s moving castle. I’m glad you took a risk and clicked on that server link :3

When you wrote I’m the first risk you took in your life, is that what you meant? Did I guess it right? You’re cryptic when you have a pen in your hand. Or maybe you’re cryptic all the time. I’ve just learned to read in between the Minho lines. (I think.) Do you think I’m good at it, hyung?

You’re right. Writing with a pen is more dangerous than it seems. Anyways:

I hope we’ll be less busy next year, so I can think of you less, and talk to you more.

Happy new year <3

hannie 🍒 31/12/2021, 11:40

Hyung

My friends just

Oh myogjdddddd

Aaaahhhhhhhhhhh

Lino 🐈 31/12/2021, 11:40

Hehe

Hannie’s drunk

hannie 🍒 31/12/2021, 11:42

Nooooooooooi ‘m not drunk

I just hsd one

had*

Lino 🐈 31/12/2021, 11:42

Ahhhh

Jisungie’s a lightweight

Cute

hannie 🍒 31/12/2021, 11:46

Hyung

Okay. ssrslty

Seriously

I’m a little drunk but I can still type

Just really slowly

Lino 🐈 31/12/2021, 11:48

You don’t have to type, baby

Hyung will be in ur phone whenever you go back home

hannie 🍒 31/12/2021, 11:48

Nooooo

I wan na countdown

Together

I’m suepereisit

Fuck

Lino 🐈 31/12/2021, 11:49

You’re seupereisit???

hannie 🍒 31/12/2021, 11:52

superstitious*

It’s important to do something together for the new year

What’s the time where u are?

Lino 🐈 31/12/2021, 11:55

It’s only 10 in the morning

hannie 🍒 31/12/2021, 11:55

woah

Then we’ll do the countdown again <3333

Lino 🐈 31/12/2021, 11:55

Of course, jagi

I didn’t know you were superstitious

hannie 🍒 31/12/2021, 11:57

Welllllllllllll

Only about things that matter

Lino 🐈 31/12/2021, 11:58

You’re lucky I’m not next to you

I would’ve already eaten you by now

hannie 🍒 31/12/2021, 11:59

YOU CANT EAT ME ITS ONLY ONERMMINUTR TO 2022!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lino 🐈 31/12/2021, 11:59

Make your wish baby

45 seconds

hannie 🍒 31/12/2021, 11:59

30

I made my wish!!!!!!

Lino 🐈 31/12/2021, 11:59

I made mine too

15!!

hannie 🍒 31/12/2021, 11:59

10!

9 omg

8

Lino 🐈 31/12/2021, 11:59

7

6

5!

hannie 🍒 31/12/2021, 11:59

4

Lino 🐈 31/12/2021, 11:59

3

2

1

hannie 🍒 31/12/2021, 11:59

ONE

 1 January 2022

hannie 🍒 01/01/2022, 12:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY LINO

Lino 🐈 01/01/2022, 12:00

Happy new year, my princess

28.06.2023

Tiny little Jisungie,

Your postcard got to me at the end of January, but I wasn’t home. I know, I know. How dare I not be home? It’s rude. Milan took me away because Hyunjinnie (remember him? He’s sitting across from me as I write this, btw. He says hi) got us a modeling gig. And then it was Osaka because your dance hyung finally landed a dance job. And then I graduated! Finally, your best friend has a degree. I know I already texted you about this, but it feels more real to write it down.

It’s already halfway through the year. My reply to you is shamefully late, and I left all your questions unanswered. You’ll tell me not to say it, but hyung is sorry. I know we’ve texted many times since your letter to me, but that was on our phones. It feels different like this. When I touched the stamp you stuck onto the envelope, it felt like I was touching you.

Does it feel like that for you, too?

I would never block you. You could do the worst thing in the world, and you’d still be the same Jisungie who sends me post-concert voice notes full of screaming and whining and Seo Changbin. You could run me over and I still wouldn’t block you.

And yes, darling. You’re good. Good at reading me, good at everything you do. Haven’t I spoiled you with how much I say it? You’re good.

And you were right. Replying to a stranger on the internet was a risk I took. But…

There was another thing. I left it unsaid. Maybe you didn’t read it or maybe you did. Maybe it’s the same thing I read between your lines.

I’m making no sense. I’m running on 2 hours of sleep, and I’m writing this on a piece of letter paper I bought at the airport before I got in the taxi to come back home. I know you’re touring right now, so it’ll be a while before you read this.

Until then, I’ll be reading in between our silences.

P.S: The picture of the moon that got my phone stolen is also in this envelope.

@hananabanana retweeted:

@scissormesurprised: oomf needs to get me pregna​​nt #now

@himedancey3000 retweeted:

@midzyhome: grow up. the love of your life IS on twitter.

Lino 🐈 10/02/2022, 11:34

https://twitter.com/scissormesurprised/status/2003264836684527411?s=20

If you want me to get you pregnant

All you have to do is ask, jagi

hannie 🍒 10/02/2022, 11:45

what is wrogn with yiuwhfwkfjwkfjwkdjgkfjgjdkgjfkdkg

15.12.2023

Photographer-hyung,

I held your letter in my hands in October :) and you were right. It felt like I was touching you.

Do you realise how you sound when you say things like that?

Of course you do. You’re romantic, hyung. You deny it every time I tell you, but it’s true (And I like it <3)

I read your letter (remember when you sent me postcards? I can’t believe you’re paying letter postage for me, these days) three times standing at the door of my apartment. I remember having just an hour—a stopover before the tour continued and I had to catch my flight for California—and I used 15 minutes out of that hour to stare at your handwriting and think about everything you wrote in between your lines.

The thing you left unsaid…I’m not sure. I think I know what it is, but I’m an overthinker. You know that.

What if we aren’t on the same page?

Now, I’m writing back to you. Congratulations on your graduation and your dance job, hyung. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it a million more times. You deserve the world. As much as I wish I could put you in my pocket, I hope you achieve everything your heart wants. All your dance videos are bookmarked in my heart, and your potential drives me insane.

I’m writing this after performing my last show of the tour……which is an unreal sentence to write. I can’t believe it’s over. 

I was going to send you a reply after I flew home, but I couldn’t wait, so I bought this envelope and letter paper when I was touristing around with Chan’s boyfriend, Jeongin, and a new friend, Felix. I think we’re getting along nicely. I know you’d like Jeongin and Felix too, hyung. Anyway, I got this paper from a souvenir shop in Montreal after fumbling my way through a half french, half english, half something else conversation. It was so embarrassing!!!! i wish i knew every language in the world </3

I hope you got your 8 hours. I hope you know what you do to me when you call me good. Do it again.

The moon looked beautiful that night. I’m almost thankful for it, because I wouldn’t have gotten to run my fingers over your handwriting otherwise. It’s nice, this tradition. I hope we keep writing to each other forever.

Happy new year, hyung. It’s still the middle of December, but this will arrive to you in the future. I hope I’ll be the first to wish you in the new year.

Jisungie

iMessage

Thurs, Dec 28 2023 at 1:11

I can’t wait for your reply to my lettterrrrrrrrrr

AHHH

Hyung.

HYUNGGGGGG

I really like you hyung

Minho

I really like you too, baby

Jisungie

No like

I mean

I like you in that way

I think about kissing you sometimes

Minho

Me too, jagi

I’ve been telling you all this time

Jisungie

What

Hyung

I thought you were saying it in a friend way

Minho

Jisung

My sweet little Jisungie

Jisungie

YOU WERE BEING VAGUE IN THE LETTERS

Minho

I have never been platonic about my intentions with you

I was being romantic

I thought you would like it

You said you like the chase

Jisungie

Wait

So you were flirting with me

This whole time?

Minho

Baby

Reread all the letters I sent you

Read the one that’ll reach you in some time

If we didn’t have any distance between us I would’ve kissed you in under a week

Jisungie

Oh

:3

wellllllll

What do we do now

Minho

I’m not sure

We’re always on opposite sides of the world

Jisungie

I know :(

Minho

Can I call you?

Jisungie

mobile

“Hi, Jisungie,” Minho says.

“Me first,” Jisung says, his voice tinged with an urgency that makes Minho pause. “Hyung, listen to me. Before you say anything. Before you…” he exhales. “I really like you. I know you know that now, and maybe you knew that before I even realised it. I’ve thought about you for years now, wondering what it is that makes me smile like a fool every time you message. So…ah! Like isn’t even the right word. There’s another word. I’m almost scared to say it, hyung, because we haven’t even met each other in real life! Even though—if I’m being honest, that feels kind of silly to say, because…you’re real to me, hyung. It doesn’t matter to me that you’re on the other side of the world. I feel your love when my phone lights up, and…” Jisung’s voice shakes.

Minho listens, shocked into stillness.

“...I’m willing to do what it takes, hyung. I know you’re still looking for a dance job that’ll keep you for more than a few months, but I’m willing to…fuck, I don’t know. I’m willing to move. I’m willing to stay up too late and wait for your good morning message. I’m willing to order take out while we’re calling each other and call it a date. I’m willing to promise you a future where we’re close. Like this, yeah, close like this, and—” Jisung’s smile is audible, fuck, Minho loves him so much, “—close in person. I will do what it takes, hyung,” he says, with resolve. Minho can almost see him nodding to himself. “I don’t mind how long it’ll take. I’m in no rush, but—I need you to know. I—”

“I love you,” Minho says, all in one go, intentional like a promise and mindless like a habit. It spills out of him. It’s a tipped-over-pot of a confession. Minho’s been containing this for so long that it spills. His love stains the phone call red, bright and vibrant and beating.

“Hyung,” Jisung says, sounding awestruck and surprised and also—affronted. “What the fuck, hyung, I was going to say that.”

“Well,” Minho says with an orange-slice of a smile, big and shameless and celebratory, “you should’ve been faster.”

“Hyung!” Jisung whines.

Minho giggles. “My little baby,” and then he exhales, getting just as serious as Jisung. “It’s never been anything else, for me. I’ve always…just known. All the things you said—yes.” Minho feels cold wind hit his face as he holds up his finger and mouths one minute to his dance crew through the glass. Hyunjin already has a shameless smile on his face that Minho will, no doubt, deal with as soon as he walks back inside the studio. “Ah, Jisungie. What…what do I even say, to make you understand? Whenever I write those letters, all I do is search for the words, and still—there’s this feeling inside me,” Minho puts his hand over his rabbiting heart. “On bad days, on good days. On days I don’t want to talk to anyone, you make me want to…” Minho pauses, smiling when he hears Jisung sniffle on the other end of the call. “Don’t cry, darling.”

"I can’t help it!” Jisung cries, and then hiccups softly.

Minho feels his own vision get watery, too. “Baby,” he says, defences broken down the way they always are when he faces Jisung. “You’re like…what should I say? You’re like my vacation house.”

Jisung laughs wetly. “Your vacation house?”

“Hm. My vacation house. The one place I’d escape to. I can come to you when I want to unwind. And, I guess, most people want to own a vacation house…”

Jisung sniffles again, and Minho can’t help the stupid, stupid grin that overtakes his face. There’s no use hiding his face from his crew. Minho is just—so fucking happy.

Sure, this isn’t a decision. This isn’t an answer. Hell, this isn’t even a plan.

It’s a commitment, though. Minho’s prepared for everything, as long as he holds on to this; his hideaway, his Jisung. The lap he wants to rest his head on, the hand he wants to hold, the voice he wants to fall asleep to. The man of his dreams, right here, blooming in his heart and becoming, as time unfolds, more than a spectre contained by phone screens and notification dings and time zone differences. Becoming Minho’s.

“Don’t worry, baby,” Minho murmurs after they spend a few moments letting it all sink in. “Now that I have you, I’m keeping you. There’s no rush.”

01.01.2024

My baby bug,

Happy new year. You’re very cute. Yes, you were the first one to wish me this year.

Are we on the same page? I don’t know. I wish you were sitting next to me, so I could just peer over to yours and read it for myself.

A few lines from my page:

Every time I go to a good restaurant, I add it to a running list in my notes app of places I would take you to. Every time I see your face on a billboard in the wild, I take a picture like I’m your proud halmeoni. Every time I listen to your music, I imagine how it would sound one room over, shower water running, breakfast on the stove. Every time I see a cute phone case, I check if it matches the model of your phone. I have your phone number saved on the favourites page of my contacts app. I didn’t give a fuck when I got my piercings, but I looked up tattoo aftercare and memorised every line a month before your tattoo appointments.

I’ll stop before this starts getting embarrassing.

I do everything on purpose when it comes to you, Jisungie. 

I hope the new year will bring you closer to me.

Minho sets his laundry basket down on the ground and positions his phone carefully against the control panel of the washing machine, making sure not to cover the two buttons he’ll actually be pressing.

“Hyung,” Jisung’s sleep-soaked, gravelly voice sounds from the speaker of Minho’s phone. The video loads a second after Jisung’s voice comes through, and Minho feels helpless to do anything but stare long enough that Jisung raises his eyebrows and self consciously looks down at himself as if he’s confused about what stole Minho’s attention.

Silly boy. He still doesn’t understand that it’s him. Not the shirt he has on, no matter how distracting the neck-shoulder peek Minho’s greeted with is. Not the cute shade of pink he’s painted his fingernails with today (even though that is a detail that makes his teeth ache). Not this, not that, but all of it. All of Jisung.

“You look beautiful,” Minho says, many beats too late. The words slip out like a dreamy sigh. “Hi.”

Jisung ducks his head. Minho wishes the resolution on this call was better so he’d be able to see the blush on Jisung’s face, the way he gets all red and squirmy when Minho compliments him sometimes.

“Stop it,” Jisung whines. “I just woke up.”

Minho shrugs. “I’m just telling the truth.”

“But you’re using the tone.”

“What tone?”

Jisung shakes his head.  “Anyway,” he clears his throat. “I have a few minutes before I have to go sit on the hair and makeup chair. What’re you doing?”

“Chores,” Minho says, a little distracted as he takes in Jisung’s surroundings. He must be on the tour bus. “Do you sleep well in that thing?”

“Well,” Jisung shrugs, “it’s what our tour budget can get us. I sleep okay.”

“Hm,” Minho says, making a mental note for later. “Manila tonight, right?”

Jisung nods and yawns, stretching his arms above him and half-closing his eyes. He looks a little bit like Dori when he does this. “Biiiig stretch,” Minho coos, laughing when the words make Jisung stick his tongue out at him.

Minho raises his eyebrows.

“Stop giving me that look,” Jisung groans, shoving his face under the pillow. The movement makes the blanket covering Jisung’s body slip lower. 

Jisung does it again, then. Gets all comfy and stretches, flattening his palms under the pillow (where his head remains hidden) and arching his back.

Minho’s mouth goes dry as he watches Jisung’s stretch gets deeper. It’s accompanied by some kind of sound, something deep, something breathy, something that has Minho thanking his lucky stars that none of his roommates are home.

“Are you trying to seduce me?” Minho asks distractedly, watching the blanket be pushed off frame by Jisung’s movement. Jisung isn’t naked, but he might as well be.

Jisung’s face peeks out from under the pillow. “Hmmm?”

Cute in the face, his Jisung. So fucking cute. Cute enough that Minho almost forgets to hold him accountable for his slutty actions.

“Jisung,” Minho says, using the almost-but-not-really stern tone that seems to inspire reaction. “I know what you’re doing.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jisung says, burying his face into the bed again and pushing his hips off the bed, tucking his knees under him.

Minho’s mouth waters. He wishes he was there, behind Jisung, planting his hands on the perfect curve of his ass, squeezing to his heart’s content.

Yeah, okay. Fuck the laundry.

“If you’re going to give me a show,” Minho says, folding his arms in front of his chest, “do it properly.”

Jisung makes another one of his sounds and turns his head sideways, peeking over at Minho with half of his face still swallowed by the pillow. “I’m too shy, hyung,” he mumbles, sounding devastatingly sincere.

Minho immediately melts, leaning down to rest his weight against the top of the washing machine and crowding against the phone screen.

“Hey,” Minho coos, “that’s okay. We have all the time in the world.”

Jisung pouts.

“My little baby bug,” Minho says, “I don’t want you just for your beautiful, perky, sexy, round, cute butt. You know that, right?”

“But I want you to want me for…” Jisung trails off, sounding less like his sometimes cocky self (cocky, especially when it comes to acknowledging how sexy he is) and more like the version of him he guards closely, but doesn’t keep hidden—vulnerable, tender-hearted, honest. Jisung averts his eyes and continues, “...that. I just don’t know what to do after I have your attention.”

Minho softens. If Jisung was somebody else, he’d take this as his cue to tell him that hyung will tell you what to do. But Jisung is Jisung, and Minho is a mind reader when it comes to Jisung-speak. “You don’t have to. Just keep teasing me until I lose my patience and show up to your room, okay?”

Jisung huffs. “But…don’t you get tired of me not actually doing—”

“Hannie,” Minho interrupts. “Never. I’ll never get tired."

Jisung blinks, seeming to hear the sincerity of Minho’s words.

Minho’s heart settles, but just to see Jisung go red again, he says, “Trust me, baby. Save that ass for later. I’m going to put it to work in the future.”

You have (1) new message.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Lee Minho has gifted you a stay at the Grand Hyatt, Manila, Philippines. 

Address: 8th Avenue, corner 35th St, Bonifacio Global City, Taguig, 1634 Metro Manila, Philippines

Please show your photo ID at the reception. We look forward to greeting you soon!

31.12.2024

Dearest Minho,

Happy new year.

It’s funny. Chan just peered over my shoulder to see what I was writing and then told me he’s going to leave me alone so I can talk to my boyfriend in peace. When we’re on the road, he asks me the same question all the time. He asks me why I’m not with you. I try telling him that it never feels like I’m without you. He asks me if I’m allergic to labels. I try telling him that nothing makes sense. Boyfriend feels too formal. Friend isn’t nearly enough. Husband is nice sometimes, but…I’m a romantic, hyung. I wanna save that for when I marry you.

Does that say anything about what page I’m on?

Hyung, if that wasn’t enough, I have a few more. I colour code untitled songs with shades of green because it’s your favourite colour. I like blank pages more these days. I let myself sit in the middle of things. I used to hate it, but I’ve been around the world twice, and…

Sometimes, when I get tired, when one city starts feeling like another, when I forget where I am, I think of the one thing in my life that couldn’t change even if the ground under me started to crack.

You. I think of the middle that we’re in, and it makes all the other middles feel alright.

I know we won’t stay in the middle forever. I know I’ll close the gap if you don’t beat me to it. I’m in no rush, baby.

06.01.2025

My Jisungie,

Han Jisung, how dare you. You made your hyung’s eyes water. You have to pay. With your body, preferably, because it looks like I already have your heart.

If Chan-hyung asks again, tell him that you’re mine.

Before you, I used to be very strict about my life. I had a box for the things I love and the things I hate. I never had a middle. You know this. I jump into decisions. I knew I was gay basically when I formed my first thought. I knew I’d be a dancer after learning my first routine. I knew I’d have three cat brothers the first time I looked into Soonie’s eyes.

With you, it’s different. Everything is a first, so every day, I know a different truth. I knew I thought you were cute the first time you texted me. I knew I was soft for you the first time Hyunjin caught me smiling at my phone. I knew I wanted to kiss you the first time I saw your face.

I’m not the kind of man who lives in middles, but I’d follow you anywhere.

I keep knowing. I keep seeing you everywhere (see: the pictures I’ve sent you with this letter. Doongie’s round eyes, a slice of orange, a bunny in a stranger’s backyard, a chocolate rose).

And sure, we’re in the middle. But you know I’m a decisive man, Jisungie. The middle is just a bridge. I’ll cross it sooner than you expect.

Happy new year, baby.

Jisungie

iMessage

Fri, Feb 14 2025 at 12:42

Hyung

Happy valentines day :)

I made you a playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/780GvD6sdV0y9Tec8wOov1?si=6EDU38liQfGitZ-HQqOf8A

31.12.2025

Jisung slumps back into his couch, letting the pen in his hand fall onto his lap as he tips his head backward, stretching aimlessly as he tries to come up with words. Any words. A word, if his brain would be so kind.

It’s always hard to know what to write to Minho.

Jisung just…feels so much. He’s a writer, but the words hit him like an avalanche and slide off his body with an unrepentant speed. He has so much to say that, sometimes, it strikes him like the world’s oddest contradiction. If he loved Minho less, he’d be able to talk about him more.

Jisung’s loud when he’s comfortable, energetic when he knows no one’s going to judge him for it, but—when it comes to Minho, he always tucks his cards close to his chest.

All that holding on, all that hoarding, and now Jisung has an excess of everything. He has all this love, all this feeling, and he doesn’t know where to put it. He doesn’t know where to begin. It’s like Minho collided full force into his life, and Jisung—unprepared, undone, unravelled—was left speechless.

He’s been looking for the words ever since, digging around the rubble of the best crash landing of his life, trying to find sentences to explain this phenomenon.

Jisung wracks his brain, turns it upside down, and the only things it responds with are:

Oomph. Boom. Zap.

Minho reduces Jisung’s constant stream of thought to sound.

It’s the most welcome theft, though, to be wordless about Minho.

Dear Minho, Jisung writes. He erases the words. My Minho, he writes, and nods to himself. That feels more fitting.

And then he’s back to square one.

Distracted, picking at his lip, wondering what he should write next.

The truth is: Jisung has had some kind of itch under his skin all day. He’s been looking over his shoulder, feeling like something’s coming—like he’s on the verge of an experience, but he just doesn’t know what it is.

Before Jisung can continue to unravel, his doorbell rings.

He sits up, confused. His hair, freshly washed, still air-drying, falls over his eyes. He shakes it out and spares a glance at the clock. 5 PM.

No one’s supposed to come over today. Jisung very intentionally did not make any plans for today because all he wants to do is lie down on his couch and wait until Minho lands in Malaysia, until Minho connects to the airport wifi, until Minho’s name lights up his phone screen and he can welcome the new year with the love of his life’s voice streaming into his ears.

Unless…

Jisung shakes his head, waving the false hope away. Minho’s on a plane right now. There’s no way he could be on the other side of Jisung’s door.

Still, Jisung feels his heart begin to pound, pulse thrumming in his throat before he takes a deep breath and looks into the keyhole.

Jisung deflates.

“Channie,” he greets, a big smile overtaking his face as he greets his hyung and his bright-blonde hair. The momentary disappointment of oh-no-it’s-not-Minho depletes as Jisung takes the sight of Chan in.

Chan’s dressed up in all-black, looking very dashing with his leather jacket and a button down underneath.

“Jisungie!” Chan says, his posture straightening like Jisung just caught him doing something he wasn’t supposed to.

Jisung furrows his eyebrows, opening the door wider so Chan can come in. Chan doesn’t move. Instead, he shifts his weight from one foot to another, clears his throat, and ducks his head.

The movement draws Jisung’s eyes to Chan’s hand, which are occupied by…an envelope.

Jisung flicks his eyes back up at Chan’s face.

Chan looks stressed, which would be funny if Jisung wasn’t so confused.

“Are you going to come in, Chan-hyung?”

Chan shakes his head. “No! No, Hannie, I know you wanna spend today at home. I’m just—” he cuts himself off and then shoves the envelope in his hands into Jisung’s chest.

“Oomph,” Jisung says, taken aback. He looks down at the familiar signature on the envelope that is now in his hands and widens his eyes. “Hyung, why are you giving me a letter from Minho?”

Chan’s response lags. “Um! Hm. Good question.” He pauses. “Minho messaged me and asked me to hand deliver this to you because he didn’t want it to get lost in the mail.”

Jisung’s mouth drops open. “Really?”

Chan nods. “Mmhm. Yup.” He reaches towards Jisung and ruffles a hand through his hair. “Anyways. I have a date to get to. You’ll be good, Jisungie?”

Jisung looks in between the letter in his hand and Chan’s face. “Huh. I mean, yes. Go, hyung! You’re supposed to be on your way to Jeonginnie already.”

Chan smiles. “I’ll see you, then!” he says with a two-fingered salute, turning away and almost breaking into a run towards the elevators.

Jisung, meanwhile, closes the door behind him, locking himself in his apartment once more—this time with a letter in his hands.

The envelope says Minho at the back. There’s a seal holding its flap closed, embossed with a daisy and words so small that he almost can’t read them.

Jisung brings the envelope closer to his face when the scent hits him. Vanilla. Warm, spicy.

The tiny words bordering the perfect circle of the seal read: through distance, and time.

Jisung blinks, already feeling his eyes well up, and then realises that he has no idea how to open a wax-sealed letter.

After all this time, you’d think that Jisung got himself a letter opener. And yet—Jisung does not have anything except some kitchen knives, his fingers, and hope.

Standing over his kitchen counter, Jisung forgets the passage of time. He makes sure everything is clean and dry as he lays the envelope down and carefully tries to unstick the seal from the paper. It doesn’t happen without struggle. He tries his fingers first, poking it from here and there and giving up as soon as he starts to suspect that he might crease the paper. Then, he fishes out a knife from the drawer, hunched over the counter like he’s a particularly territorial creature guarding his treasure.

The knife is as scary as it is effective. He can’t be too harsh with this, so his grip on its handle is gentle. He nudges the seal from all sides, waiting to see if it budges. On his fourth try, it does. The knife slowly slides under the seal.

Jisung will admit—he gets a little impatient at this part. He drives the knife forward before regaining control of it, thankfully leaving the integrity of Minho’s letter to him undamaged.

The seal pops off, and there it is. The letter that outran Jisung’s own.

My Jisungie,

You’re probably surprised because I sent you this letter before you replied to me. I know we usually wait our turn.

You’ll have to forgive hyung for being impatient. I told Chan to deliver this to you somewhere around the middle of the day. I don’t know what time he must’ve chosen, but I trust that you got it before I—

Okay, sorry. I’m going too quickly. Let’s not rush through this.

Remember when I told you that I’m a decisive man?

I wasn’t just saying that. I know you probably knew, because you can read me better than anyone else. So, because I’m decisive, I started looking for a job in Seou—

Jisung’s frantic reading is interrupted by another knock at the door.

He exhales, unwilling to let go of the letter. If it’s Chan, Chan can wait. He continues reading the sentences on the page:

So, because I’m decisive, I started looking for a job in Seoul after you said you’re going to settle there and work under the 3RACHA name after your tour. I had no luck for half of 2024, and then 2025 came, and still—it was all temporary. Contracts that would expire, gigs that wouldn’t keep me in one place, tours that I don’t have left in me.

And then I get a call from your wonderful friend, Kim Seungmin.

He tells me that he’s opening a—

There’s another series of knocks at the door, this time louder. Jisung clicks his teeth and sets the letter down carefully on his kitchen counter (far away from the sink, of course).

Once again, as he approaches the door, his heart beats out of his chest. He doesn’t pay any mind to the door itself—he’s still caught up in the story unfolding in the letter, still confused about how the moving parts of Seoul and Kim Seungmin, best friend and nepo baby, and dance job are connected. He’s scared to be hopeful, but he is.

He’s entirely distracted.

Jisung doesn’t check the keyhole and yanks the door open.

Jisung opens his mouth, ready to dismiss whoever’s at his door, and then—immediately, all at once—shuts his mouth.

There is no stranger at his door.

Instead, there is:

“Minho,” Jisung whispers, and then repeats. “Minho.”

Minho smiles. “Hi, Jisungie.”

Jisung gawks. Once more, just to make sure this is real: “Minho?”

“Jisung,” Minho replies.

“Wha—”

Minho lets himself in. Jisung walks backwards, watching Minho close the door behind him in all his three dimensional glory. “Did you get my letter, jagi?” Minho asks.

Jisung thinks he maybe lets out a squeak.

It’s the little things that convince him this isn’t a dream. Minho toeing his shoes off and wearing cat-patterned socks under them. The same spicy-sexy vanilla from the letter filling up the tiny space of Jisung’s apartment’s hallway after Minho takes his jacket off. The earrings on Minho’s left ear—one of them gifted to him by Jisung just two months ago, bunny-shaped for the bunny’s birthday.

“Oh my god,” Jisung whispers, watching Minho walk closer, running out of space to walk backwards.

Minho rolls his sleeves up as he approaches Jisung, like he’s preparing for something. Jisung gulps, confused and overjoyed and in disbelief (and horny) and swept off his feet because even though he didn’t finish that letter—he knows. This is a gesture. Not just a gesture. The grand gesture.

“You’re moving here?” Jisung asks once they’re chest to chest and nose to nose and he finds himself happily cornered against the wall.

“Mm,” Minho hums, ducking his head to kiss Jisung’s pulse. “Did you read my letter?”

“I started reading it,” Jisung says weakly as Minho’s hands explore his body. “Hyung. I am. Wow—ah.”

“I’ll read it to you later,” Minho says, bringing his face back in line with Jisung’s. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Hyu—” Jisung’s eyes flutter shut as Minho slides his lips over his, a warm hand coming to rest over his cheek as Jisung experiences what can only be called a devouring.

Minho nips at Jisung’s bottom lip, kisses his lips wax-seal red, rewrites all the words, steals them from Jisung’s mouth.

“Hyung,” Jisung says in between kisses, “so you’re moving—here?”

Many kisses later, Minho seems to catch up to the question asked. “Yes.”

Jisung has about 50 follow up questions, but they’re all superseded by the realisation that Minho and Jisung are going to live and work in the same city.

Time slips away. However many minutes later, the kiss tastes salty, and Jisung’s eyes flutter open. Is he crying? It doesn’t feel like he’s crying, but it would be completely unsurprising. There’s no telling how many dreams he’s had like this. There’s no way to describe how much he’s waited, and waited, and waited.

“I’m sorry I made you wait,” Minho says, bumping his forehead against Jisung’s.

Ah. Jisung isn’t the one crying.

“It didn’t feel like waiting,” Jisung says, rubbing a smile into Minho’s splotchy, handsome face. “It felt like the beginning.”