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“I feel alive… I think,” he said to me with a blank face and an orange glow on his face from the fire. Everything we owned… or almost everything we owned was currently burning up. CDs, video games, books, posters, pictures, and notes. None of it would matter anymore. We would be out of this town soon. We sat there for a while, just watching the fire. It was pitch black outside. For some reason, the thought of dying right at this moment sounded… pretty nice. He had put his hand on mine. We just stayed there.
Then the orange glow went out. We kissed. I don’t know why we did. We didn’t say anything to each other. We were now just standing in the pitch black for how long? None of it really mattered. We would be gone tomorrow. We would be gone. We’d almost become like the fire. We were the fire. Gone. Two boys, gone.
I sat once again with him in the darkness for a while, thinking about my life. Not even thinking about the events that would occur tomorrow. It didn’t matter anymore. None of it. I touched his cheek when he touched my cheek. We kissed. Again. This time longer. I panted softly when we let go. I felt warm even though we were engulfed in cold darkness. He finally said something to me after hours of not talking. “I love you… I think,” he said to me in the darkness. I stared at him and I could only hear our breathing and the crickets of the night. “I love you too,” I said. I meant it too. But when I said it, it came out so soft and quiet, and my voice kind of cracked from not talking for many hours. I guess this was proof it was way easier to confess things in the dark, and it was easier to confess things when you knew it was going to be the end of things. It’s much easier to admit things like that when you know you won’t be around to live through them too much. I didn’t even realize I was shivering now. I just leaned into him. He pulled me into his lap. I felt myself getting warm again. I panted softly. “I love you, I really do,” I said in some kind of pathetic, desperate tone. I don’t know what the heck I was doing. But my face was in his chest and he petted my hair. Silence yet again, except for our breathing bodies.
He spoke. “Honestly, I don't know what time it is, but I’m thinking we should head out, man. Unless you want to get eaten by a bear. I mean, if that’s how you want to go out instead.” He joked in a sarcastic, flat tone, per usual. I chuckled softly. “Yeah, let's head out. I don’t think I want the bear ending exactly,” I teased. And we stood up again and started walking. Surprisingly, he held my hand. I liked it.
Then he surprises me again as he pushed me against a tree at some point in our walk out of the forest. We kissed for a long, hot minute. But yet again, another kiss was met with silence in the end. We finally started actually getting out of the pitch black forest and getting out of there. But after that kiss, the walk back was silent and we weren’t holding hands. It truly felt like the end this time. I mean, we would be gone tomorrow. All of it. Two boys, gone. Gone like the flames from our earlier bonfire. Gone.