Chapter Text
"You kissed who?"
A light blush crept over the Gryffindor's cheeks as a few students began turning their heads to see what all the commotion was about. "Keep it down, trollface," Jongdae hissed, whacking Baekhyun on his arm with the end of his spoon. "You want the whole school to hear?"
"Sorry," Baekhyun responded idly, not sounding very sorry at all. He shoved a spoonful of oatmeal past his lips as they turned up impishly. "It's just that...really? Are you sure we’re talking about the same Junmyeon Kim? The prissy Hufflepuff we have Herbology with?" Jongdae stayed silent, a murderous look clouding his gaze. Baekhyun took that as a yes. He exploded into laughter, oatmeal dribbling down his bottom lip. "Dude, you can't be serious. The guy’s even sappier than Professor Longbottom. How do you expect to get past first base?"
Jongdae squared his jaw, hitting Baekhyun on his arm again with his spoon. "Why are you so gross?" He complained in reference to the spit and oatmeal staining his chin, clearly avoiding Baekhyun's question as he threw a napkin in the boy's direction.
Instead of taking the napkin, Baekhyun flicked his wand and mutters a quick, "Tergeo," watching in satisfaction as the oatmeal was siphoned clean off of his face. "Showoff," Jongdae mumbled, yanking his napkin back. He simply stuck his tongue out and grinned in response. Baekhyun might've dicked around when it came to pretty much everything, but he also happened to be the best Charms student in the seventh year. Well, with the exception of Kyungsoo Do, the moody Ravenclaw who always seemed to be glaring at someone, but he was pretty sure that kid regularly sold his soul to the devil for good marks.
"I just didn't take you as the type for vanilla sex, Dae," He continued thoughtfully, finishing up his oatmeal and licking his spoon clean. "Always assumed you'd be that one guy into handcuffs and whips and shit."
"Actually, that would be you," Jongdae replied smoothly, adjusting his wire rimmed glasses as they began sliding down the bridge of his nose. Baekhyun grinned, used to their daily banter. Really, the day hadn't started until Jongdae was awake enough to supply at least five comebacks by the end of breakfast. "And, wait, what d'you mean I'm into vanilla sex?" He added a couple of seconds later, finally processing the words rather than just churning out premade comebacks for them.
Baekhyun shrugged, dropping his spoon into his bowl with a clank and reaching across the table to grab a chocolate chip muffin. "Well, you're dating Junmyeon, aren't you? That guy's the poster boy of safe, vanilla sex." He paused to take a bite of the muffin. "Besides," He continued, crumbs flying past his lips as he doesn't bother to close them while chewing. "He's the Head Boy of Hufflepuff. Hufflepuffs don't do kinky shit."
Shielding his face from the stream of muffin pieces currently being spat in his direction, Jongdae grimaced a bit. "First of all, I never said we were dating. Second of all, how would you know?" He challenged, trying to ignore all the crumbs being sprayed at him. "Even you haven't whored around enough to know what it's like to be with a Hufflepuff."
"And you have?" Baekhyun countered immediately, finally swallowing the lump of muffin in his throat.
There's a pregnant pause before Jongdae's gaze dropped, suddenly trained hard on the History of Magic textbook he had splayed out in front of him. "Hey, did you finish the assigned passage last night? I still need to get the questions done."
Baekhyun blinked, tilting his head to the side as he took in Jongdae's flustered expression and sudden lack of response. A smirk slowly spread across his lips as the situation became a little clearer. "Wait, and you have?" He reiterated, his voice now filled with genuine curiosity rather than spite.
"Do you have the answer for #5?"
"Dae!"
Jongdae huffed out loudly, crossing his arms across his chest.
"Okay, maybe we did a little more than kiss." He mumbled quickly, being sure to shovel a piece of buttered toast into his mouth in the midst of the sentence to drown out his words.
Toast was not nearly enough to stop the words from reaching Baekhyun's leery ears, as he immediately cackled in delight and clapped his hands together like a seal. "Oh, my god, you hoe!" He said gleefully, shaking Jongdae's shoulder as a chunk of muffin dropped out of his mouth onto the floor (much to Jongdae’s disgust). "What'd you do? Give him a handjob? Suck his dick?" He gasped, pausing to catch his breath. "You didn't eat his ass, did you? I thought we agreed we weren't going to—"
"Who ate whose ass?" A bleary, sleep tinged voice interjected.
Jongdae groaned, slamming his head against the table. "No one, Jongin," He responded dryly, glancing at the boy from across the table. Baekhyun hadn't even noticed that he was there, but that was probably because Jongin always seemed to be half asleep. Even now, the only indication that he was awake was his half lidded eyes, but even those were on the verge of blinking shut. "Baekhyun's just overreacting and creaming his pants at the mention of my sex life, since he has none himself."
Baekhyun frowned. Maybe he didn’t sleep around as much as Sehun Oh, the 4D Slytherin in the year under who always looked like he was ready to both kill someone and give them a lap dance while they slowly bled out, but he liked to think he could get a couple of dates if he wanted. “Well, ‘none’ is a bit dramatic, isn’t it?” He said, a bit of hurt creeping into his voice. “I get more than you.”
"Prove it." Jongdae challenged, jabbing his spoon at Baekhyun's chest. A mischievous smirk played on his lips as he continued. "If you can get..." He paused, then pointed the spoon at a tall Ravenclaw boy. Wait, no, he wasn’t a Ravenclaw. Baekhyun squinted, then blinked as the boy clicks in his head as Yixing Zhang, the airheaded Hufflepuff from his Herbology class. Really, he only remembered his name because Professor Longbottom seemed to scream it every class, either to bring his attention from a butterfly back to class or to warn him of his Venemous Tentacula’s approaching vines. Otherwise, Yixing wasn't particularly extraordinary, although he was pretty enough, his brunette hair tousled into a charming mess and his deep dimples constantly poking out of his cheeks.
Before Baekhyun could ask why he was sitting at the Ravenclaw table, Jongdae piped up again. “...That guy to go on a date—no, if you can get him to give you a blowjob, I'll buy you as much as you want from Honeydukes next time we go. If not, you buy me as much as I want.”
Baekhyun scoffed. “Well, hope you’ve got a lot saved up, because I have a serious Fizzing Whizzbees addiction.” He started smugly, although a slight coil of doubt twisted up in his stomach. Jongdae raised an eyebrow.
“Oh? You’re oddly confident. You know the guy or something?”
“Nah, but he's a Hufflepuff.” Baekhyun shrugged, taking a sip of orange juice. “All I gotta do is make some sappy shit up about him being my true love or whatever. Hufflepuffs are pushovers, remember?”
Jongdae hummed happily as he took another bite of his toast, clearly satisfied with his odds of winning. “Strange, Junmyeon’s usually the one pushing me over.” And with that, Baekhyun spat orange juice out on Jongin’s unsuspecting face.