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Dr. Lizardtongue was a witty, intelligent and fruity guy, who resided in the happy little town of Orchardville. He'd always been fruity in more ways than one, to say the least.
He'd have anal and frotting threesomes with the bananas in his fruit bowl, and "juiced" the frisky grapefruits that he kept around too long before throwing out (they had that grippy grapefrussy, it was quite hard). But deep down, he felt incomplete with his life.
Truth betold, he'd missed eating apples. Ever since he got his fuckass doctrate, he had to pledge to a sacred oath to never touch an apple again. It was a tale as old as time. No doctor was ever to be caught eating an apple, they were sworn enemies in the flesh. But oh, did he wish he could take a bite out of that forbidden fruit. The orgies he had with the others helped keep him satiated, but for how much longer? He couldn't say. That was until one fateful day, where his bitchy neighbor Nancy hired a couple of Home Depot lesbians to bring a whole ass apple tree into her backyard. It was on none other than one of Lizardtongue's rare days off. *Really?! She couldn't even plant one herself?* he thought, as his eyes fixated on the tree being put down there, on the corner closest to his own window. His mouth was agape as he stared in awe. They looked like the ripest apples he'd ever seen in his life. His gaze settled on one, high up on the tree, the biggest one he could spot. His toes curled and his boner was raging like a dad whose kid refused to fetch him beer #10. It was *literally* the apple of his eye, and he was certain that if this apple had eyes too. He'd be staring right into them.
After what felt like an eternity, he snapped out of his trance and was reminded of the boner practically CLAWING at the zipper of his jeans. Maintains his decency, he closed the curtain and took the matter into his own hands (literally). He yoinked his doingle like one of those stretchy fidget toys, imagining getting to tear at the apple, sexily biting into its glossy skin, devouring its flesh and applussy, draining it of its juices until it somehow resembled a prune. By the time he was done jerking off, his foreskin looked like wilting flower petals. With a deep breath, he prepared for the post nut guilt to hit him like a vape. How could he think such lustful things about an ancient rival?! Yet, that guilt didn't come as minutes passed. He opened the curtain, and there were the apples again. The one he fixated on before was now teasingly swaying by its stem in the wind, begging to be caught by tender hand of another. He had to resist. He begrudgingly shut the curtains again and proceeded to doomscroll the internet for a few hours. That was until he heard Chappell Roan music blasting outside...coming from what sounded like Nancy's house.
He opened his door and saw that the Home Depot truck never left the driveway. Clearly, she knew those lesbians personally. But then, Dr. Lizardtongue realized that if he really wanted to, he technically could sneak over the fence and snatch up an apple. His heart began to race, thinking of the potential. Did his carnal desires really mean more to him than his sacred Doctorhood? In his heart though, he knew this was something more.
This was what was truly meant to be. Quietly, he tiptoed into the yard. He barely made a sound despite his footsteps easily being drowned out by the Chappell Roan songs and the loud moaning of the lesbians. Before he knew it, he was right at the tree itself, when- *BOINK*! He had to cover his mouth to hide his little shriek when one of the apples had fallen and struck him right on the head. He froze as it bounced to the ground. After a minute of staring, he realized it was the very apple he wanted the most. *Shit, maybe snorting all those crushed up lucky charms this morning really did boost my luck today!* he thought. "Ay...are you picking my ass up or what?" Said a deep, husky voice (barely audible over the FUCKING MUSIC AND MOANING). Startled, Dr. Lizardtongue let out an effeminate gasp. "Who said that?" He called faintly, looking around. "Motherfucker, look down!" The voice said. "Bruh." That's when it registered to the doctor that it was coming from the apple. It didn't have a face, yet it could talk. "H-hello?" Said Lizardtongue. "You want me to uhh..." he was cut off. "Do it. Pick me up cro. I know you want to." The doctor, crumbling at the mere sight of the intoxicating apple submissively bent down to do so. "That's what I thought. I saw you eyeing me through your window." The apple went on. Still in shock, mind clouding with lust once again, the doctor began to carefully and sensually feel up the apple, gently caressing its glossy skin. The apple let out a low groan. "C-can I...can we go back to my place?" Stuttered the doctor: "Take me there, handsome..." the apple commanded. And so Dr. Lizardtongue scurried back into his house as fast as the could, the apple in his hand.
He hastily shut the door and rushed over to his couch, careful not to squeeze the apple too hard. "Feel me up some more vro, that's an order." FUCK, this fruit was making the doctor turn as red as it itself. He explored his body like a detective until he came across....a wormhole. The apple sighed. "That uh, that was from my old fuck buddy. That son of a bitch worm ghosted my ass yesterday and UGH, I need someone to fill my void..." it said. Without thinking, the doctor licked his lips, revealing the reason for his name. His tongue resembled that of a lizard, and small enough to fit into that tiny, juicy hole. "Please...let me do this..." Dr. Liardtongue begged. "Say the magic word and it's all yours to taste, baby." The apple teased, voice even deeper now. "Please let me have a taste, daddy!" Whined the doctor. "Yes, that's it, good boy...UGH! FUCK!" The apple groaned handsomely as the doctor lavaciously tongued at the apple's delicious hole.
Dr. Lizardtongue made his Lizardtongue dance like its life depended on it. For the first time in his life, he felt fulfilled, he felt quenched, he felt...satisfied. They went at it for hours, learning things about each other they never would've thought, including that, maybe apple stems CAN be used as sounding rods. As the sun was beginning to rise again, the pair decided to settle down after such an extended session of fornication.
"Apple...I think there's something you should know..." Said Lizardtongue. Guilt really was taking a toll on him this time around. He broke the all powerful oath, and he needed to at least say sorry for it. "I'm-l'm a doctor!" He cried. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this, just-you were irresistible and-" "Hush." Interrupted the apple. "I saw your labcoat when you walked in the door, but I don't care! I don't care about what anyone says, I want you!" The doctor's heart sparked like a metal fork in a microwave. "Oh apple, I LOVE YOU!" He exclaimed. "'-I love you too baby." Said the apple. That was when Dr. Lizardtongue knew, he could no longer keep this secret from the world. He and the apple were going to declare their love in spite of everything. An apple a day keeps the doctor…horny.