Chapter Text
Pizza Street was abuzz with the merriment of another Overland Park football game win. Shay sat alone at a small table, abandoned by Cameron who had decided to scope out a group of college boys. She picked at a plate of Caesar salad, distracted by a scene at another table when a familiar voice spoke beside her.
“Hey, Shay,” Jenna Dapananian greeted her, holding a slice of pizza and a drink.
“Oh, hi.”
Jenna motioned toward the empty chair across from Shay. “Do you mind if I sit?”
Shay glanced at Cameron, who was schmoozing away the evening. No reason to keep the seat saved for her.
It was hard to predict which version of Jenna to expect these days. Ever since the cheerleader-turned-hipster-turned-whatever-the-fuck she was now had begun dabbling in drugs, it became abundantly clear she didn’t know her own limits. Not that Shay cared about what she or anyone else did to destroy their bodies—and damn anyone who shared their two cents on her own—but growing up with an alcoholic mother caused her to avoid spending time with people who overindulged similarly. However, Jenna’s speech wasn’t slurred and her stance didn’t waver, so maybe this girl decided tonight was the night she’d finally get sober.
Shay shrugged. “Go ahead.”
Jenna smiled brightly. “Thanks! I was going to sit with Deandra but the guys started debating who could make the most disgusting pizza of all time, and I really wasn’t feeling the vibe.” She feigned a gag. “I don’t know how Deandra handles it.”
Shay peered at the football team. It must’ve been a heated debate, because Matthew’s voice was booming across the crowded restaurant. He shoved his finger in Justin’s face, who flailed his arms as if making an imaginary pizza. Shay heard something about anchovies and mayonnaise from the other side of the table where the rest of the football team also seemed locked in an argument. All the while, Deandra scarfed down a slice of the large barbeque. As far as Shay was concerned, Deandra fit right in with the boys. “Gross.”
“I know,” Jenna said before taking a bite.
Shay let her eyes drift. They roamed the room until she found what had been distracting her from her salad earlier. When she found it, she sucked in a breath.
Mackenzie’s neck was getting slobbered on by her new boytoy, Shiloh Beckett. Her long dark hair fell in a waterfall over her shoulders, the shorter layers delicately framing her neck. Mackenzie leaned her head back as her glossy lips curved into a grin. Shiloh brought his hand up to her jaw, making Mackenzie’s shoulders shake with a giggle.
Brittnay, who sat across from Mackenzie, tore off the end of a breadstick and threw it at the guy’s head. He jerked away as Mackenzie opened her eyes, startled. When she saw the bread, she turned and said something to Brittnay. Almost instinctively, like a blood hound, Mackenzie looked past Brittnay and met Shay’s eyes.
Shay snapped her jaw shut and whipped her head forward to face Jenna, who was staring intently at Shay, her head on a tilt as she sipped from her straw. Shay felt her cheeks burning. “What?”
“Yeah, quick question. Do you like that guy?”
“Ew!” Shay scrunched her nose. “No. That’s disgusting.” She crossed her arms over her chest, looking at the table.
“I see. Do you like her?”
Nausea lurched in Shay’s stomach. She met Jenna’s eyes across the table, incredulous at her audacity. “What?”
Jenna picked up a slice of her pizza. “It’s just, I couldn’t help but notice you staring at Mackenzie again.” She took a bite.
“What do you mean again?” Shay could feel her heartbeat pounding in her chest.
Jenna blocked her mouth with her hand as she finished chewing. “You’re always staring at her. It’s like, I know you say you hate her, but if that’s true then why are you always looking at her like that?”
“I just don’t think people should be reenacting porn in a small business food establishment,” she snapped, but she couldn’t help her next question. “Like what?”
“It’s like you have a crush on her,” Jenna shrugged, but the words dragged across Shay’s skin like a knife.
Shay scoffed. “Well, I don’t. I’m not gay.” She tried to keep her tone even. “Mackenzie made that up, and I fucking hate her for that and everything else she’s done to try to destroy my life.” Her throat felt tight so grabbed her water to sip on. She needed to squash this before Jenna questioned her any further. “And I hope she dies in a fiery explosion so I never have to compete with her psychotic ass again, or see her make out with every posh moron she can find on the street, or hear her bark in my face-”
“Jeez, okay,” Jenna held up a hand. “To be honest Shay, you’re coming off a little defensive. I promise I wasn’t judging. I just made an observation based on what I could see.” Shay heard the compassion in her words, but it only provoked her.
Shay slammed her drink on the table and stood up, then grabbed Jenna by the wrist and pulled her from her seat.
What could she see? And how obvious was it?
Shay walked full speed to the women’s bathroom, throwing open the door. As she dragged Jenna inside, she felt for a lock on the entrance that wasn’t there. Ugh. She scanned the stalls to make sure no one could overhear them. Then Jenna yanked her arm out of Shay’s grip and stepped back.
Taking a deep breath, Shay tried to calm the tide of her body that wanted to retreat. “What do you think you see?”
Jenna eyed Shay up and down hesitantly. After a moment of silence in which Shay felt like a test subject for an allergic reaction, she began. “So like, a couple weeks ago in Mrs. Wright’s class, it seemed like you couldn’t care less about anyone’s presentations. And I don’t blame you; they were super boring. But then Mackenzie got picked to go next and, I don’t know, it was like you woke up. I remember because I was watching you draw in your notebook, but you stopped the whole time she was talking. I thought maybe you just wanted to see her mess up, but I don’t know…” The corner of her mouth curved into a knowing smile.
“Then there was the pep rally. Saison was sitting between us, but I noticed after the cheer squad did their routine, when the football team did their little dance and threw those footballs into the audience, one of them almost hit Mackenzie and I swear you jumped in your seat. Mackenzie was totally fine, but when I looked at you, I thought you were going to run down there and punch Justin yourself.
“And then just now,” Jenna nodded her head over her shoulder. “I mean, you guys have been bickering like an old married couple for years. It’s not exactly subtle. Once I started noticing how often you’re willing to help Mackenzie despite how much you say you don’t like her, it was kinda obvious.” Jenna took a step towards her. “I heard about Paris from Deandra. I totally get why you were mad at her about the modeling thing. Honestly, Mackenzie is a total bitch, so I don’t see what you see in her except for her being hot. You may say you want her to die in a fiery explosion, but if her car exploded with her inside, I’d faster expect you to pull Mackenzie out yourself.”
The knots in Shay’s stomach writhed the more Jenna spoke. Her breath was shallow, and it took all her energy to keep standing in place. She couldn’t even deny it. Hearing someone succinctly describe the evidence of what she’d tried to purge and bury withered her will to fight. That Jenna had noticed all of that meant that the feelings Shay had been grappling with since elementary school weren’t her secret anymore, nor had they been for some time. How reckless could she be?
Shay remembered the moment she realized something was different about her feelings towards Mackenzie, and she felt herself being swallowed by the agony again. She turned around to face the tiled wall, raising her hands to the top of her head. Tears threatened to spill over so she closed her eyes. With a sigh, she said, “Thanks for explaining.”
“Hey, I’m sorry if I overstepped,” Jenna said slowly. “I remember how anxious I was when I realized I liked a girl for the first time, and it took another person telling me that it wasn’t a big deal to start feeling okay with it. Now I’m totally out and I couldn’t be happier! Except,” she said under her breath, “maybe if more people wanted to hook up with me, but that’s not the point right now.”
Shay ignored the last part and took a shaky breath. “I get it, whatever. Just please promise not to tell anyone. I can’t handle any more of this right now,” she said, shaking her head at the thought that anyone other than Jenna may have already come to the same conclusion.
“Of course!” Shay barely registered the swing of the bathroom door before Jenna continued. “No one is going to know you like girls or about your crush on Mackenzie.”
The noise of the restaurant had become clearer. Louder. Shay swiftly turned to see why. When she saw who had walked in at the most vulnerable moment of her life so far, she nearly collapsed.
Mackenzie stood in the doorway of the bathroom. She gaped at the two of them, releasing a quiet chuckle. As if following a thought, her wide eyes narrowed, drawing her brows together intensely.
Shay felt heavy under her gaze. As the silence dragged on, the world tilted onto its axis, and she knew that her reality was going to become so much more dreadful than it had ever been. Rumors were one thing, name-calling another. Shay could handle that—had been handling that—even though her coping mechanisms had turned her own body against itself. She felt those instincts that had trained her to fight for control were again lighting themselves from within now.
Her rival… her friend… her enemy… she couldn’t name it, not while looking into Mackenzie’s eyes. This girl had been given the access codes to detonate Shay’s life as she knew it.
Jenna had the decency to seem panicked as she fidgeted with her hands. Mackenzie took a step forward so she could let the door swing close behind her. Something in her eyes shifted, but Shay couldn’t read it. Her voice, a petal floating through the air, began. “Shay-”
The petal landed on a tidal wave.
“Don’t say anything,” Shay snapped, wiping underneath her eyes to make sure her eyeliner wasn’t running. “I don’t wanna fucking hear it,” she sniffled. Shay brushed her hair on the top of her head down. With her head held high, she pushed past Jenna and looked anywhere but at Mackenzie as she approached the bathroom door to leave. Meanwhile, Mackenzie didn’t even try to move out of the way. Shay flinched as her arm brushed against the soft skin of her rival.
Shay met her eyes then. Mackenzie blinked at her, brows knit in what appeared to be offense. Steeling herself, Shay reached for the door handle, yanked it open, and headed for where she had last seen Cameron. Everything seemed to blur around her. She weaved around a couple sophomores. Brittnay stepped past her, barking a “Move, bitch.” When did it get so busy in here?
Shay spotted Cameron on the lap of some idiot. She approached and heard her sister lying about how old she was. “Cameron,” she said sternly.
“What do you want?” Cameron turned to her coldly, giving her that get lost smile, until she saw Shay’s face.
“I want to go home,” Shay replied, hollow and ready to spill over.
Cameron seemed like she wanted to protest, but she must’ve thought better of it. “Um, heh, sorry guys. Gotta take my baby sister home.”
The blonde swindler began pushing herself up off the guy, so Shay turned to walk out the nearest exit. She heard Cameron tell someone they’d “hook up later” as the sisters walked into the artificial glow of the parking lot.
Cameron’s heels clacked on the asphalt as she caught up with Shay. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I want to go home.”
“Yeah, obvi. What happened?”
Cameron’s fingers tried to pull at Shay’s wrist, but she pulled away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Do I have to kill some bratty little cocksucker?” Cameron’s hair bounced as she turned her head to peer at Pizza Street.
“No, just leave it.”