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All she knew was warmth and rhythm. She felt perfectly at ease, like she was floating on a warm, salty river. Every muscle in her body was slack.
"No way," his voice penetrated through her.
"Are you asleep, Fuu?" Mugen sounded insulted.
She opened her eyes, and saw that he was staring down at her. Sweat beaded on his brow, and he was panting.
"Wha...?" Her voice came out lazily, and she winced inwardly when she realized that she sounded distant.
Mugen raked a hand through his damp hair and cursed softly. Fuu felt him drawing away from her, and it felt like they were being disconnected. He rolled over on his side, and the few inches of empty air between them felt cold.
"Guess you're bored with me already, huh?" He mumbled into his blankets.
"What? No, Mugen..."
"Whatever. Just tell me when you're not in the mood next time, all right?" He sounded irritated, but mostly casual, like he didn't care either way. But Fuu had been enjoying herself, and she wasn't done with him yet. She slid closer to him, and pressed her body against his back. Then she traced her finger over his shoulder blades, scratching very lightly with her fingernail. Her lips found his neck, and she worked her way down his spine. He shuddered, and she smiled, then slid her hand over the curve of his hip. He grunted with surprise, and she whispered in his ear.
"I wasn't asleep, Mugen, and I'm not done." He sat up with a crooked smile and took her into his lap. Then she felt the same warmth and rhythm that she had been enjoying before, only this time, it intensified into a faster rhythm and a stronger heat. Their bodies pulsed, the pleasure running deep inside. When she felt Mugen's release, he gasped into her hair and pressed his hands so hard into her back that she knew there would be a mark later. When they caught their breath back, he eased back down on the mats with her. The last thing Fuu heard before she drifted off to sleep on his chest was his satisfied whisper.
"You really rock."
The night was still young when Fuu heard a knock on the door and jerked awake.
"Who is it?"
"Fuu? It's Suri. I'm sorry about the time, but Chiyo's out of it again, and the bar's like a madhouse. We really need you." Fuu groaned.
"Okay. I'll be there in a sec."
"See you then. I gotta get back. Like I said, it's really crazy tonight."
Great, Fuu thought. She looked at Mugen, who was sleeping under her. He's still asleep after all that yelling? Some samurai warrior he is, she thought. She lightly tapped his cheek, but he just snored on.
"Mugen," She shook him by the shoulder.
"Hmm...? Whasup?" His dark eyes were hooded with sleep, and he smiled at her lazily like he had drank too much.
"Ya wanna go another round?" He ran his hand down her bare back and pulled her close and pressed his lips on hers. She let him, but when he started to open his mouth, she pulled away.
"Mugen, I've got to go to work." His eyebrows shot up.
"Eh? But I thought you were off today." His tone was unmistakably disappointed.
"I was, but Suri just came by and-"
"Yeah, okay. I get it. Go on."
She stayed on top of him a moment longer, feeling horrible. She could tell he was upset because he turned his head to the side, and his jaw was clenched. Her hand went to his hair.
"Mugen, I'm really sorry." She whispered. "It's not really my fault, you know. And I wish I didn't have to go."
"Then, don't." He shrugged.
"What do you mean, don't? I have to. It's really busy tonight."
"So what? You weren't supposed to work. Is it your problem that that Chiyo chick is a drunk?"
"Well, no, but... Mugen, it's my responsibility. I work there, and they need me. I can't just abandon them because you want me to st-"
"All right!" Mugen shoved her off of him and rolled over, covering his head with a pillow.
"Get out of here already. I don't give a rat's ass where ya go!" It would have hurt Fuu's feelings if someone else had said it, but she knew Mugen better then that. She grabbed the pillow off his head and hit him in the butt with it. He grunted and left it there. While she was getting dressed, she pondered his reaction. She knew he was being childish because he did care where she went, and he didn't want her to go. When she was fully dressed and lingering at the door, Mugen had rolled over on his back, and was watching her through slit eyes. He was pretty sure that she thought he was asleep. She sighed and opened the door, moonlight spilling onto her milky skin. She paused and looked over at where he lay. Only half of her hair was pinned up, and the part that was loose glistened over her shoulders. She looked so beautiful that Mugen suppressed a groan. His chest felt so full it ached, like when he ate too much. I ate to much Fuu, he thought. She's my heart-food. Then he almost laughed at how stupid that was. That was just it, though. He couldn't find words for this sensation, even if he really tried. Right before the door closed, he heard her voice whisper through the crack. "I love you."
Hours later, Mugen was still awake. He felt like he needed to get outside in the open air and move, scream, run, or even beat something up. Anything but lay there with his thoughts banging against the ceiling, straining to be in the night air, so they could be heard. His head felt so jumbled, he had no idea how to clear it. He didn't want to. Not if it meant taking away Fuu. I love you... He heard it again and again. Her whisper had been like the soft hiss of rain, and it continued to fall relentlessly. He liked the feeling, but it also felt like a slow torture. One that he couldn't help but enjoy. He wondered why it hurt him as well as it felt good. He didn't wonder for long. A small part of him was afraid. He knew that he was falling, and there was no ledge to climb back up on. Why was it so easy for other people to feel this "love" or whatever it was? Why couldn't he just go with it? Because if you lose her, you'll be crushed, right? His inner voice told him. And you can't be crushed, because you're Mugen. You're like a cockroach. Hard to crush. And she's a...flower. A bright sunflower, reaching for the sun. But you're way down here. On the ground. Even though you are hard to crush, you are still a bug. Mugen scorned himself.
"Yeah," he said out loud. "That's it. That's why this kind of sucks. I'm not...good enough. Not for her." His voice turned into a choking rasp, and suddenly he couldn't breathe. He calmed himself down by thinking about her. Her soft skin, her body against him. He remembered the sliding sensation, in and out. Then he swallowed hard, and with a crooked grin on his face, he shoved his hand deep into the blankets. But his skin was so rough, not like hers. All the hot scenes and visions vanished, and he gave up with a sigh. He ached for her. Not just her body, but her. He wasn't sure what love was, but he was pretty sure that it had ensnared him.
When Fuu came home at sunrise, she was surprised to see Mugen staring sleepily up at her. Usually when it was this early, he was snoring like the day would never dawn. He smiled in a languid way and beckoned to her. She sighed, about to tell him that she was way too tired for what he wanted, but when she clambered to the thick mat, he only wrapped his arms around her and pressed her to his body. He let out a long groan of contentment and buried his face into her hair. His muscles relaxed, and before long, she heard the deep and even breathing of sleep. Had he been awake, waiting for her the whole time she'd been working? No way, she thought. Mugen loves to sleep. Then, too tired to think anymore, she smiled and nestled her head deeper against his warm chest.
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The next full moon, Fuu felt uncomfortable. She couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. It might not have been so bad if she'd been alone, but Mugen had to witness her strange attitude as well. He could tell that she wasn't in the mood, and he didn't mind, since he didn't expect her to surrender to his needs every night. Except that she didn't even want him near her. Was she mad at him for some reason? He searched his mind slowly. Huh... I haven't gambled in a while, but she wouldn't care about that would she? His mind formed an image of her from five years ago, when she'd shown up randomly at that betting house, half-clothed and acting like she'd been raised to roll the dice. Nah, she wouldn't be mad at him for gambling. Did I look at a hot chick recently? He had the other day, but he'd made sure she wasn't around, and he'd only looked, anyway. He hadn't imagined her naked or anything. Have I been hanging around her enough? Jin says that Shino doesn't like it when he goes anywhere for longer than a day (which really sounded like a pain to him) but Fuu isn't that needy, is she? I go out when she's working, but I come back before she's home. I even come to the bar and keep an eye on her there. Man, I do everything for this girl! Why would she be mad at me? Should I even ask her, or would she bite my head off? He gingerly lay a hand on her arm. She flinched and scooted even further away from him. He grit his teeth, trying to keep his anger at bay.
"What's with you?" Silence.
"Fuu?" Still no response. She couldn't have flinched in her sleep, could she?
"Come on, Fuu. What's going on?"
"What? What do you mean?" Oh, so now she's playing dumb. I hate that.
"Quit playin' around. You know what I mean. You're acting weird. You just moved away from me like I'm grossing you out or something. I don't need anything from you, I just wanted-" He bit off the rest of his words. I just wanted to be close to you, is what he thought of saying, but there was no way he really would. He just couldn't make himself say something like that out loud. Even though his body was screaming to curl into hers. He was not really used to so much physical contact, and even when he'd been with other women (there hadn't been as many as everyone thought) he had just "done his thing" and they parted ways. But Fuu made him want to feel the warmth of her body. He felt loved when he was with her, and he didn't want to just ditch that feeling.
He heard her sigh.
"Mugen, it's not you. It's just... I don't feel right." Her voice sounded small. Mugen tried his hardest not to reach out and touch her.
"Don't feel right? What's wrong?"
"I don't know. I just don't want to be touched. My skin feels like it's trying to jump off of me." Mugen didn't know what to say about that.
"Okay, I'll leave you alone, then. Just tell me if there's anything else wrong with you, all right? Maybe you're gettin' a bug."
"I don't know." She said again, miserably. She sounded so alone that Mugen reached his hand out and let it fall on her long hair. She lay still and let him run his dark fingers through it.
"You'll be okay, Fuu." He whispered gently. By the time she fell asleep, she was starting to believe him.
When the sun rose, Fuu woke up and moaned. She felt like there was a rock in her stomach. She swallowed a few times, and when she sat up to get some water, everything inside her rose into her throat. She planned to run outside, but she barely made it off the mat, and then she lost it.
Mugen woke up with a start. He almost drew his sword, thinking there was some sort of animal in the room. Then he saw Fuu hunched over on the floor, and it looked like she was trying to hold her insides in.
"Eh? What the- Fuu?" He crawled over towards her just in time to see her fall over on her side in a groan. He crouched down to get a look at her face, and there were tears streaming from her cheeks.
"Hey, hey...don't cry." He pressed his hand against her forehead. She didn't feel warm, but she did feel a little colder than she should.
"You're alright. Hang in there." Fuu tried to smile when she realized that he was treating her like a wounded warrior. Maybe that was the only way he knew how to comfort people. He lifted her up and put her back on the bed.
"Aw.. I made a mess. I need to cl-"
"Nah, I'll do it."
"But Mu-"
"It's no big deal. Just stay put."
"Well, okay. I do feel a little dizzy."
"Don't get up, then. I don't wanna have to clean up any more then I have to."
In a short time he had water boiling, and had managed to find the wash rags. He wiped the floor with so much confidence that Fuu couldn't help but smile. He looked like a washer woman. All that was missing was the rag on his fluffy head. He caught her smiling at him, and he smiled back.
"Damn, you really let go, baby. You shouldn't eat so much." She laughed, and his brown eyes told her that was what he wanted from her.
"Yeah. Thanks for helping me, Mugen."
"Hey, it's nothing." Nothing is right, he thought. Not after all she's done for me.
When he was done and had made her some tea (the only thing he knew how to make -leaves and hot water, what could go wrong?-) Fuu had fallen asleep again. He sighed and sat down next to her. His chest tightened when he saw how pale she looked. What if she was really sick? There's only so much I can do, he thought. I'm not some kind of miracle worker. Maybe she needs someone like Shino. She has a kid. That means she knows how to do almost anything. Mugen had never known his mother, but what little he'd seen of them... it just seemed like they were good at stuff.
Determined, he stood up in search of a piece of paper. Wasn't that what people left notes with? When he couldn't find any, he just took a piece of charcoal from the fire and scrawled a few characters on the floor close to their sleeping mat.
Went to see Jin.
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"Can I borrow Shino?" Mugen asked casually. Jin's eyebrows shot up into his hairline, and he stood up from the table.
"Borrow her? What are you-"
"Look, it's not for anything weird, all right? It's just that..." He scratched his head and looked away. Jin was silent, patiently waiting.
"Fuu's sick, and I don't know what I'm doing. I just figured since Shino's another chick, maybe..." Jin nodded. A small inkling was beginning to form in his head. He shuddered. No, not Fuu and Mugen... It would be just too horrible if she were... He turned away to get Shino.
Mugen had no idea why Jin had even trusted him to walk back into town with Shino. He had said he wouldn't do anything weird with her, and he couldn't imagine it anyway. Not with her. She felt so...pure. Which didn't make any sense, because she had been a prostitute once upon a time. Those dirty bastards. He was glad he'd never run into her at a brothel. She was beautiful, but she seemed so...motherly. Obviously Jin didn't think that way about her. Or... Mugen chuckled to himself. Maybe he did. Jin had a totally different taste in women than he did. Well, then he used to. Mugen would never have dreamed that he'd be so attracted to Fuu. He chuckled again.
"What are you laughing at?" Shino smiled with curiosity. Mugen felt like he'd been caught with his hand in the sweet bean paste.
"Uh... nothing." He shrugged. "So, what do you think is wrong with Fuu?"
"Well, what are her symptoms?"
"Her what?"
"What...um, let's see... What sort of things is she feeling? Like pain, or nausea..."
"Hey, all I know is that this morning she puked up a huge pile of-"
"This morning, you say. Has she only vomited in the morning?"
"I don't know. This is the first time she has."
"Anything else?"
"Well, uh... Last night she didn't want me to touch her. She said something about her skin wanting to jump off. Whatever the hell that means..."
"Sensitive skin? Hmm..."
Mugen rolled his eyes towards heaven when they reached Fuu's house and he didn't have to answer any more questions.
Shino handed Fuu a cup of tea. The concoction that Mugen had made had grown cold, and it resembled the bottom of a swamp. Shino shook her head as she poured it out the window, and Fuu laughed.
"He really tries hard, though." She whispered. Shino frowned skeptically.
"Well, Fuu, he's going to have to try much harder."
"But, you don't know him like I do. He's actually better than he was before."
"Oh, my." Shino didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
"No, really." Fuu sighed. "Okay, so he's no Jin." They both laughed.
"With all seriousness, Fuu, I'm sorry to say that the signs don't look good."
"What's wrong? Is it serious?"
"No, no. Just listen. Now, you've told me that your monthly flux is late, you're sensitive to the touch, and your breasts ache. Add that to the sickness you've had this morning, and it sounds very much like..." Shino looked around quickly, making sure that Mugen was still gone from that errand she'd sent him on.
"Like what?" Fuu couldn't imagine what was happening. Then, like a lightning flash, she remembered her mother. When she had lived through twelve summers, Fuu had experienced her first "woman's blood" as her mother liked to call it. It had scared her to death, but then her mother had comforted her by telling her that it meant she could have a baby when she was a little older.
"When can I tell that I have one inside?" Fuu innocently asked. Her mother had listed off most of the things that Shino just counted off on her fingers.
"Oh...crap." Fuu said, looking into Shino's sympathetic eyes.
"No, I can't be...I'm having a baby?"
"It seems like you might, Fuu." She stroked her shoulder gently. Tears gathered in Fuu's eyes.
"But that's...I've been using the herb."
"Golden thread?"
"Yes, I've used it in a tea ever since Mugen and I first got together."
"Hmm." Shino tapped her finger on her bottom lip.
"Try to remember, Fuu. Is there any time you can think of when you forgot to drink the tea?"
"I've been drinking it every morning." Shino smiled softly.
"Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in it..." Her dark eyes looked far away, and Fuu knew she was thinking about Jin. She almost envied her. At least Jin had wanted to be a father. But Mugen...
"No, this can't be happening, Shino! Mugen will freak out! He'll run away! There's no way that he'll..." She started to cry in earnest. "I'll lose him."
"Fuu," Shino's voice was very gentle. "I hate to say this, but maybe..." She sighed . Fuu's eyes were large and scared.
"If he leaves you, then... Is he worth it?" Fuu buried her face in her hands, and Shino took her in her arms.
"But I love him! I have for a long time, and he needs me! He needs me to love him, and I do. So much...Mugen..." Her voice dissolved into whispers, and the only word Shino could hear was Mugen's name. She hadn't realized that Fuu loved him so much. But did he really love her? She had seen them together when they didn't think anyone was watching, and he seemed happy. He treated her gently, and according to Jin, he didn't call her a "bitch" anymore. Shino supposed that was a good thing. There were a few things she wasn't sure about with Mugen, but Jin liked him, and that had to count for something. However, she knew as well as Fuu did that he wouldn't handle the news of Fuu being pregnant well. She feared he really would run away. And to her, that was the same thing as denying his love for her. Poor Fuu. It seemed like a hopeless situation. She wondered if she should be the one to tell Mugen, but it didn't feel like it was her place to.
In the end, she held Fuu until she fell asleep, set aside some packets of healthy herbs with written instructions on them, and snuck out the door before Mugen came back. The whole walk out of town she kept looking over her shoulder, afraid that she'd see him. When she reached home, she didn't even want to face Jin. She felt like a coward and a horrible friend.
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When Mugen came back, he found Fuu asleep. He looked around for Shino, but she was gone. He'd been really angry, and about to give her a piece of his mind. He'd looked all over for that "crimson flame mushroom" that she said would help Fuu, but no one knew what it was, and people had looked at him like he was a moron. After about five shops, he realized that he'd been played. Now that he thought about it, it did sound really stupid, but he hadn't pinned Shino for being the lying type.
"Crafty little eel." He muttered. She must have wanted to get him out of the house. But why? What did she tell Fuu? Was it that serious?
He sat on his haunches and watched Fuu while she slept. She still looked a little pale, and she had dark half-moons under her eyes. The more he watched her, the more he wanted to know what was wrong. His eyes slid down to the floor, where there were four packets of herbs. What in the world did she need all of those for? He was leaning over to read Shino's labels, when he heard rustling. He looked over and saw Fuu watching him.
It startled Fuu when she saw Mugen sitting there. She hadn't expected him to be right there when she woke up. Shino was gone. She stared at Mugen for a moment, noticing that there was a deep furrow in his forehead, and his jaw was really firm like he was clenching his teeth. He really is worried about me, she thought.
"Hey." He said softly.
"Hey." She said back, smiling weakly.
"So, what's up? What did Shino say?" He scratched his head casually and looked over at the fire pit. Fuu knew that the more he acted like he didn't care, the more he did. If he really didn't care about something, he ignored it all together. She stared at his face, watching his profile in the flickering light. She imagined all of the expressions he would make if she told him that she was carrying his baby. Shock, horror, disgust, anger. There were too many different reactions, and she could see all of them clearly. Then she tried to picture what Jin looked like when he went to bring Shino back from the monastery, and she had a little son with her. She would tell him it was his, and it was obvious from the way he looked that it was. Jin's lips slowly curved into a smile. His dark eyes lit up, and he touched the child's soft hair.
Fuu shook her head slowly, wanting to cry. No, she would never see that kind of joy in Mugen's eyes. When she brought her head up, he was looking back at her with one eyebrow arched. She had waited too long to say something. I better think of something quick before he thinks it's really bad. I'll just down-play it, so he won't worry.
"Shino said that I just have a stomach sickness, and I should get better soon. She gave me some herbs to help. She said that...um, it could be contagious, so maybe you shouldn't get too close to me."
"Whatever, I won't get sick."
"Yeah, right! Remember a couple of months ago when you were puking your guts out?"
"I wasn't sick!"
"Yes, you were!"
"Nah... I didn't ever tell you, but it was something I ate."
"Not anything I made!"
"No, it was something I ate at Reno's." He grinned mischievously.
"No way! Our food isn't that bad."
"I think it was your boss chick."
"Chiyo? Why would she give you something that was bad?"
"I'd looked at a girl a couple days earlier, and I think it pissed her off."
"That does sound sort of like her. Ha, well you deserved it then!"
"Yeah. I just looked, though. No need to poison me until I lost five years worth of food! Wench..." Fuu laughed, and Mugen crawled into bed, telling her to shut up, even as he held her and breathed in her sweet scent.
A few moons later, Fuu had gone down to the river to take a bath, and was observing herself in the slow current. The bamboo grove was tall enough to give her privacy, but she still glanced around hastily. If he saw her like this, Mugen would wonder. Her clothes covered her well enough, but without them... She sighed. There was definitely a curve forming on her stomach. She knew that she really needed to tell him, but she was still so scared. She was almost sure that he'd leave, and if she waited too long, he would really be angry with her.
That night, there was no way she could hide it. Mugen had his hands on her belly, and she really hoped there would be no fluttering in there like she'd felt earlier in the day. She tried to ignore where his hands where, and pretty soon, her mind went blank because he felt so good. She savored the raspy feel of his sparse beard on her shoulders and neck, and his hot breath on her skin. When he picked up the pace, she was thankful that he braced his arms on the mats. After awhile he groaned into her hair and lay on her back, his body limp. Fuu wanted to lay flat, but she was afraid of putting weight on her stomach. So she lowered herself slowly, then turned around and wrapped her arms and legs around Mugen. They stared into each other's dark eyes for awhile, then he leaned down and kissed her. He started out barely touching her lips with his, then he pressed harder against her into a long, deep kiss. They got so caught up in the kissing that they started over again with their lovemaking. Fuu loved how he felt on her, and she knew she should get as much of him as she could, because she was planning on telling him about the baby tomorrow. Not tonight, though. Things were going too well at the moment. She didn't know how she could live without this feeling, and she knew she couldn't ever feel it with another man. She loved him so much. His strong dark hands were all over her, and he was whispering her name over and over again.
Mugen couldn't get enough of her. He really felt at that moment that he loved her. He wished he could just come out and say it. Why was it so hard? Right before he felt his release, he stopped and looked into her eyes. He told her with his mind. I love you... I love you so much... When he saw the light in her beautiful eyes, he knew she had gotten the message. He closed his own eyes and gathered her into his arms, pulling her up against his chest, and then he let himself go. It felt like a powerful earthquake, and he shuddered and tried to breathe. Fuu was right behind him with her own, and their bodies quivered together with the intensity of it. When their breathing slowed down, they continued to kiss and touch each other slowly, wanting the night to drag on and on.
When Mugen started to look tired, he lowered himself down on her stomach. Fuu could feel herself panicking. He'll crush the baby with his fat head! She had forgotten that her stomach was one of his favorite "pillows". She heard him chuckle.
"You should lay off the food, baby. You're starting to get a little chubby." He pinched some of her skin, and she flinched.
"Mugen, maybe you shouldn't-" Suddenly his head shot up.
"What the hell?! Something's moving around in there! What...?" An image of a pregnant woman flashed in his mind. It had been on Ryukyus, and she was so pregnant that he could actually see the baby move around inside her. He remembered being a little freaked out by it.
Now, here was Fuu. His Fuu, pregnant. And she hadn't said a single word. That could only mean one thing. He rolled out of bed, his entire body shivering with rage. All this time, she hadn't trusted him all the way, thinking he was cheating on her. Then she had gone behind his back, after making him believe that for the first time in his pathetic life, someone could dare to love him for who he was. She hadn't meant it, any of it, and now she was having someone else's baby.
"Mugen, I wanted to tell you-"
"Oh, yeah?!" He exploded. "When, Fuu? When the hell were you going to tell me?! After the thing was born?!"
"No, I was going to tell you tomorrow. I was just so scared-"
"Scared? Yeah, you'd better be scared, you fithy... I'm gonna find him, whoever the bastard is, and kill him! I don't care if he knows you're with me, or not!" Fuu's eyes widened. He thought that she'd been with someone else!
"Mugen-"
"I don't wanna hear it, you crazy bitch! All this time...! I gave everything I had to you, and you-"
"It's your baby, you idiot!" Mugen just stood there and stared at her, panting with anger. Then he got really close to her face and whispered harshly.
"Yeah? Then how come I don't believe you?" His eyes were pinned on her, and a fire was burning in them. Fuu started to cry. She had never seen him so angry, and she was afraid of him. Moments ago, he had love for her in those eyes, and now she couldn't find it at all. She buried her face in her hands to hide from those burning eyes. Mugen had no sympathy for her. He didn't say anything more, but he started grabbing things and throwing them into a pile. Then he murmured, so quiet she could barely hear him.
"If you ever wondered why I've never trusted anyone, this is why." He turned and glared at her again, his voice stronger.
"Because people, even people like you, are full of shit. No one means anything that they say or do. It's all a pointless bunch of lies. I should've let myself drown in the damned ocean five years ago. At least it would feel better than having a knife driven into my back by you." Fuu cried harder.
"Mugen, stop! I was never with anyone else! I swear it!" Mugen shook his head, unable to believe her. She scrambled off the mat and came to kneel beside him.
"Please, Mugen. This is your baby." She grabbed his hand and placed it on her belly. He could feel it move again. He swallowed hard, and his anger turned into fear.
"Why didn't..." His voice was hoarse and filled with pain. "Why didn't you tell me, Fuu?"
"Why do you think? Because you'd freak out, that's why! And look at you! You got so angry..." She choked and burst into more tears.
"It's not my fault that I'm having a baby. We've been together for months... It was bound to happen." Mugen cursed under his breath.
"I thought there was some kind of plant that you women take to stop it from happening."
"There is, and... I was. But I...forgot." Mugen laughed, cold and bitter.
"Then it was your fault." He stood up and went to the pile of clothes and his sword. He pulled some of the clothes on quickly.
"There is no way I can handle a kid. I can't stay here." Fuu shot to her feet and ran over to him. He was opening the door into the night. She pulled his sleeve.
"Mugen! Where are you gonna go? I thought you cared about me... I love you! Don't you...love me?" She whispered the last two words. He was silent for a moment, looking at her in the moonlight. She hadn't put any clothes on, and she smelled like him.
"Yeah, but-"
"Then why are you leaving me?"
"I guess I don't have enough love to go around. Sorry, Fuu." He smiled at her wryly. It was a quick, dead sort of smile, and it was gone before she could see it clearly. Then, before she could stop him, he pulled away from her and ran into the darkness. She followed him for a few steps, but when Mugen started running, no one could catch up to him.
Chapter Text
When Mugen was good and lost in the dark woods, he sat down heavily on a fallen tree, and turned his head to the sky. There were millions of stars, peaking through the leaves. Some people say they have lucky stars. Mugen laughed scornfully at the thought. He stood up, feeling angry enough to yell at the heavens.
"Where are mine, dammit! Where are my lucky stars?! Why didn't I get..." His throat felt swollen and painful, like it had long ago when he used to cry as a boy. Back then he always felt so defeated and lost. Sometimes he thought he would never get off that wretched island . It was only until he got older that he decided that no matter what, he was going to shape his own destiny.
Now, as he felt the pain in his throat, he turned it from tears to anger. He wasn't angry at Fuu. Sure, she had forgotten the herb, but it wasn't really her fault. He was the one who had wanted to take her almost every night. It was his animal desire that had made this child... His child. No, he still couldn't face it. He couldn't be a father. No kid would want him for a role model. His own kid would spit at his feet when he discovered all of the horrible bloodthirsty things that he had done in his life. And if it turned out to be a girl... He shuddered, and his stomach churned. A girl would hate him even worse than a boy would. But... Fuu didn't hate him. Maybe if the girl was like Fuu... It was still too hard to think about.
With a surge of anger at himself, he drew his sword and starting chopping down thick wands of bamboo. The sharp pieces flew everywhere, and he felt it graze his skin all over, but he didn't care. He closed his eyes and fell into it like a savage animal. That was what he was. An animal. An animal who had known love, and then slunk away from it like a coward. She was all alone now, probably crying her eyes out over him. Her trust was shattered, when it had never been broken before, like his had always been. Fuu was such a good young woman. She loved and helped people. In her earlier days she had been like this too, but he hadn't seen it. She had been the silly little sister type that liked food more than a woman should. But when he had gotten to know her better after meeting her again, his eyes opened up to more of her. Her girlish ways still appeared every now and then, but most of them were replaced by a woman's charm. Sometimes he loved her so much that his heart clenched in his chest. Why did I leave her alone, then? Shouldn't I be there with her, protecting her, when she needs it the most? His rage at himself picked up to an even higher level, and though he felt the sharp pain of a bamboo shard lodging into his side, he went on with all of his pent up strength. It wasn't until he felt the hot blood drip on his feet that he glanced at himself. Dazed, he slowly fell to the ground, his breath harsh in his throat. The last thing he thought about was Fuu alone in that house, gasping and sobbing on the floor.
Mugen's image of Fuu was not exactly accurate. She felt like she wanted to fall down and cry all night, but she didn't want to be alone. She needed a friend. The night was growing old, and the moon was almost gone. Fuu didn't let that stop her. She lit a lantern and started out her door at a brisk walk. This was the worst time of the night to be out if you were a young woman. The bars and brothels closed just before the sun came up, and all of the sleazy drunken men were roaming the streets, trying to remember where they lived. If they found her first, they wouldn't care about going home. At this point, Fuu didn't care if they caught her. She was already pregnant, so it didn't really matter. Sure, the idea of a gross man putting his hands on her was disgusting, but her head was only full of making it to Jin's house. She needed him. His name was like a mantra in her head. It felt strange to have any other man's name in her mind besides Mugen's, but if she thought of him right now, it was like ripping open a raw wound. She tortured herself anyway. All she could see were his eyes. She couldn't understand how they could be so full of love and so full of loathing within seconds. When she saw the anger in his dark eyes, she rewound back to before that, when his body had been on hers. His eyes had said that he loved her. She knew it was true, and he hadn't denied it before he left. But if that were true, then why? Why couldn't he stay with her? She knew he didn't like kids, but this would be different. This child was part of him. He couldn't deny that part of himself, could he?
Fuu's mind was so lost in itself that she didn't hear the crackle of dead undergrowth behind her. She was on the outskirts of town, very close to Jin and Shino's house. She was stumbling around, her vision blurred by tears. She had started out for Jin's with determination, but the ceaseless thoughts of Mugen had dragged her down. The only thing she could see clearly was the still far-off lights of the house. Why they had them burning this early, she didn't know. Maybe it was their servant Taka, getting things ready for the new day. Fuu tried to walk faster, but her legs felt like lead. Faintly, she wondered what was wrong with her, but most of her didn't care. He was gone, and he might never come back. Could her last image of Mugen be that cold, dead smile he had given her? Was the last sound she heard from him the wooden clomp of his shoes, running from her? Overcome by emotion, her legs collapsed. She felt an intense urge to lay down and curl up, right here in the woods. No, she tried to tell herself. Jin. I have to make it to Jin. He'll understand. I can talk to him about anything, and he won't overwhelm me with his own words. He'll just listen. Jin. I'm almost there. She had nearly pulled herself back up when she felt strong hands pushing her to the ground.
"Where ya goin', pretty girl?" The voice was rough and gravely like Mugen's, but tainted with evil. A heavy weight pressed against her back, lowering her further into the dirt. She didn't struggle. It was like it was happening to someone else's body. Faintly, she felt clumsy fingers lifting up her robe. She was bare underneath; the weather was too warm for underclothes, so she had just thrown on a light robe after Mugen had... His name reminded her that they had been intimate shortly before. She was sure that she still smelled like him. As she felt the strange drunk man bend over her, groping her, all she could think about was Mugen.
"Hey, chick. What are you, a zombie?" The man didn't like how non-responsive she was, and he started to hit her. Fuu felt a dull pain in her head, and tasted salty blood in her mouth. She hoped that she'd black out soon so she didn't have to deal with anymore of it. Gone. The word repeated over and over in her head as the drunk yakuza continued to hit her. Gone. He's gone. My Mugen is gone. She tasted tears along with her blood. Suddenly she felt the man stop. His weight rolled to the side, and Fuu vaguely wondered if he'd had a heart attack, or if he was just too drunk. Then she heard a soft voice.
"Fuu?" It was a man's voice, and he sounded incredulous. But her mind distorted the sound.
"Mugen?" She whispered.
"Fuu, it's Jin. What are you doing out here?" Fuu looked up and realized that it really was Jin. The sun rose behind his back and lit up his dark hair. His black eyes looked at her with so much pain the she thought he would cry. Why does he look like that? What happened to him? He bent towards her, and she felt like she'd never seen a more beautiful sight. He was like a long lost older brother, coming to rescue her from her pain.
"Jin. You're here..."
"Fuu," he whispered. "What happened to you? What are you doing out here? And why didn't you stop that..."
When Fuu turned those blank eyes on him, Jin's voice trailed off. She was not listening to him. She was somewhere else. Somewhere with Mugen. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up. He almost lost his balance for a second when he noticed the very slight change in her weight. Jin glanced at her stomach. Her robe had pulled tight when he lifted her, and he saw the gentle curve of an unborn child.
"Mugen's gone." Fuu whispered. He looked into her eyes again, and they were starting to glaze over.
"Gone. He left me. He's gone... Mugen..." She kept repeating those same phrases with an empty droning voice. Seeing her like this made Jin angry and distressed at the same time. He held her close to him and tried not to think of what he would do to Mugen when he found the bastard. He'd look for him as soon as he could. Shino would understand. As he walked home (he'd left the drunken man unconscious on the ground) he tried to comfort Fuu. He whispered kind words to her out loud, and cursed harshly in his head.
Shino was about to ask where Jin had been, then she saw Fuu in his arms.
"Jin! What happened? Who did this to her?" Jin didn't answer right away. He kept walking until he was in the master bedroom. Shino didn't object when he lay her on their bed. It was the thickest mattress in the house. Jin turned to her with righteous anger in his eyes.
"She was being attacked by a yakuza. He was drunk, and I saw him beating her." Shino clasped her hand to her mouth.
"I'm not sure, but I think he was trying to... Could you check her for other injuries? I know she got hit in the head, but..." Shino understood, and nodded. Jin left the room and Shino gingerly examined Fuu's unconscious body. She quickly got Taka to boil some water so she could clean the blood and dirt off of Fuu's face and hair. Where in the world is Mugen? He needs to know that Fuu may have been raped. I know he would care about this. Did something happen between the two of them? Fuu hasn't waited this long to tell him that she's pregnant, did she? Thankfully, there was no further injuries on her, and no sign that she had been tampered with seriously beneath her robe.
A short time later, she let Jin back into the room. Taka had made tea, and Jin set the tray on a small table next to the bed. They both drank some, trying to calm their nerves. They saved the third cup for when Fuu woke up. Shino sat on the bed next to her, and Jin sat on the other side. He watched his friend, his eyes filled with sadness. The pain he had felt earlier at finding her alone in the woods with a strange man on top of her, and the fact that she wasn't struggling sent a painful rage through him. This was all Mugen's fault. When he found that filthy son of a... He cleared his throat.
"I must find Mugen." He said through clenched teeth.
"Are you so sure that he ran off?"
"Yes. I don't think Fuu would be in this state if he hadn't. Also, she kept saying that he's gone."
"Did something happen to him? He could be injured somewhere, not able to come ba-"
"No, Fuu clearly said: 'He left me.'"
"Oh, I see." Shino sighed deeply. "Maybe I was just hoping that he didn't leave her. He fooled me into thinking that he loved her. "
"Hm... I'm afraid it's not that simple with these two, Shino. Everyone loves differently. I always knew that Mugen was not a typical man. He experiences emotions in a rougher, more animalistic way. He was born and raised on Ryukyus. His only role models during his childhood were convicts and rapists." Shino's eyes widened.
"I never knew any of this. No wonder he's so... Actually, he could have turned out worse. I don't believe that he would do what that yakuza was doing to Fuu." Jin shook his head firmly.
"No. Mugen was never one to force himself on others. He lets people 'do their own thing' so to speak. He likes to live his own life making his own choices, so... no, he would give a woman a choice." Shino smiled thoughfully at Jin.
"You seem to know a lot about him."
"He is my friend. I truly believe that he would save my life, and I would do the same for him."
"How did you find out about his childhood?"
"Well, that wasn't too hard. He mentioned that he was from the Ryukyus islands, and I figured the rest out for myself. I don't think he even had a mother or a father." He paused, then seemed to remember something.
"Also, on our travels, Fuu and I met two people that had grown up with Mugen."
"Really?" Shino bent forward, her face curious. "What were they like?"
"Well, their relationship was less than savory. There was a girl and a man, and they were brother and sister... but..." Shino gasped at Jin's expression.
"Let's just say he abused her. I don't know if Mugen ever tried to stop it. Anyway, the girl's name was Koza, and she filled us in on Mugen's background a little. I think she had a soft spot in her heart for him."
Fuu suddenly murmured Mugen's name in her sleep, and her hand slid down to her belly. Jin shook his head.
"I will say this. When I find him, I'll have more than words for him. I don't care if he is afraid of being a father. He's been with Fuu for months, and he should have known this would happen. It's strange..." He paused again.
"Mugen can face the toughest man or beast without fear, but when he's faced with real emotions, he runs away from them."
"Now, Jin." Shino smiled at him. "You weren't the best example of someone who is 'filled with emotions' yourself."
"Not until I met you. You helped change that about me. Women should change men for the good. It's healthy for us." He smiled at Shino and reached across Fuu to hold her hand.
In the early afternoon, Shino had gone out in the garden with their son. Jin stayed with Fuu. He planned his upcoming search for Mugen. He needed to know where he was going, and how to track him. As for what he'd do when he found him, it was all a matter of course. He didn't want to seriously hurt him (he doubted he could, anyway) but he did want to knock some sense into him. He needed to be responsible for once. Mugen had lived through twenty-five summers, and it was time it showed in his actions.
When Fuu finally woke up, the first face she saw was Jin's. He smiled at her and reached out to squeeze her hand.
"Don't worry about Mugen, Fuu. I will go out and find him."
Before Fuu could find the words to tell him that it wouldn't matter, Jin was gone.
Chapter Text
Mugen was still half asleep when he felt a sharp pain in his ribs. Crap, he thought. Did I land on something last night? When he thought more about what happened the night before, he drew away from it like it was fire. His mind skipped ahead to the present. That meant the pain in his ribs. Suddenly it got more intense, like someone was trying to puncture his lung. Now he jerked fully awake with a gasp, followed by a curse. Before he had too much time to react, he looked up to see a boy standing above him. He held a sharp stick in one hand, and had a hard grimace on his face. He leaned forward to poke Mugen's ribs with it again, but was startled by a low growl.
"Poke me again, kid, and you're really gonna wish you hadn't crossed me." Instead of cowering and running away, the kid laughed at him.
"I never crossed you, man. You're the one who's on my turf. And you're bleeding all over the place." Mugen blinked weakly and tried to sit up.
"Your turf? What the hell are you..." He groaned and pulled himself up to look in the boy's eyes. He squinted at him, and the boy squinted back.
"Where are you from, kid?"
"Why do you care?"
"Don't care too much, really. You just look like someone I used to know, is all."
"Yeah? Like who?" The boy's dark eyes flashed. His hair was matted and stood out in all directions. His skin was dark and his cynical smile was darker. Mugen shrugged.
"It's not important." He turned to look himself over, ignoring the boy. His hand met a long piece of bamboo lodged under his ribs. No wonder it was hard to breathe. He grasped the wand and tugged. His hand and the shard were coated with blood, and it slipped. He grimaced and sucked in air, but choked as only half of the air made it into his lungs. When he breathed out, he tasted the familiar flavor of blood, and leaned over, hacking. The boy winced, but more out of disgust then sympathy.
"You gonna get out of here, man? Or am I gonna have to tromp you?" Mugen almost laughed. Tromp?
"Look, kid-"
"Toka."
"Wha?"
"The name's Toka, you moron. And like I said before, you're on my turf. I'm the leader of the Freedom Clan, and this is our bamboo grove."
"The Freedom Clan? " Mugen wheezed.
"Yeah, FC for short. We escaped from... a bad place, and now we are..."
Toka paused and listened. From the surrounding trees came whispers.
"Hey, if you agree to get out of here, I might call them off. Maybe."
Mugen tried to stand, but his legs felt weak. The puddle of blood by his knees explained itself.
"Hold your damn horses, kid. Er... Toka. I'll leave your little grove. But you gotta pull this thing outta me first."
"Do it yourself, man."
"Name's Mugen, and I can't-"
"Mugen? Toka's dark eyes widened. "No way are you Mugen."
"That's my name. Unless you're thinkin' about another-"
"Where are you from?"
"All over."
"Where were you born, I mean. "
"Where you were born, kid. The Ryukyus." Toka blanched.
"The lslands? I...I don't believe you."
"Whatever. But you and your little band aren't the only ones who got away." He smiled darkly at the boy and lifted up his wrist.
"See these?" He pointed to the grey-blue tattoos that circled his wrists and ankles.
"What other proof do you want, boy?"
"You are him! But that means you were a slave, too? "
"Everybody on that hell hole is a slave. Just be glad you got off."
Suddenly another child jumped out of a tree. This one was a girl. She had dark skin and bushy hair too. She remained in a crouch, then cautiously approached Mugen. Her eyes were narrow at first, then they widened with realization. Her hand reached out and touched Mugen's face. He stayed still, letting her observe him. He was too tired to object. She looked to be about twelve or thirteen summers; just budding into womanhood. After eying him awhile longer, she stood back. Her stance widened and her hands went to her hips. Mugen thought she would get hostile, but she contradicted her body language with kind words.
"I believe you. You are Mugen."
"S'right. What am I, some kind of legend? She nodded.
"On Ryukyus, you are. " Mugen shrugged.
"Doesn't surprise me. People don't have much of a social life there. Anything will get 'em, talkin'." His head swung to Toka.
"What's her name?" The girl's eyes flashed, and she jammed a thumb at her chest.
"My name's Tira. I'm Toka's oldest sister. I brought the FC together."
"Right, and I'm sure it's a great story, and all. But I kinda have my own crap to take care of." Mugen tried to stand up, but the wound in his side spurted fresh blood. He fell back on his knees with a curse.
"If one of you brats could help me out, I'll get out of here."
"We'll help you, Mugen. But you don't have to leave. In fact, you should stay with us. You have no idea how much you mean to us. You are the reason why we-" Mugen cut Tira short.
"Look...Tira. That's real nice of you. I'm glad you kids are off that piece of sh*t island, but like I said, I... Uggghhh!"
Tira held the bloody bamboo shard in her hand. While Mugen was talking, she had stepped forward quickly and yanked it out. Mugen gasped and choked out more blood.
"What happened to you?" Tira's eyes were concerned.
"What didn't happen to me?" Mugen mumbled.
"He came here last night, Tira. I was on watch and I saw him. Hs stumbled in here like a crazy man and started slashing at the bamboo. Maybe he's out of his mind or something. "
Mugen glared at the boy.
"Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not Mugen. I could have killed him and took his place."
"Right. Nobody can kill Mugen. He's been dead a half-dozen times and he always comes back. The gods threw him out of the underworld. He's immortal." Mugen wanted to laugh at how close to the truth the kid was. But he had to find someway of getting out of here. He didn't want to play hero to a bunch of child escapees. Even if they were from Ryukyus. The Toka boy reminded him too much of himself, and it was almost painful to watch.
"Look, I'm not crazy. I just had a really bad night. Just because I'm immortal doesn't mean my life can't suck sometimes. All I need is something to stitch this up with and a stiff drink. Then I'm leaving. " Tira crossed her arms.
"I'll help you with your wound, but only if you come with me afterwards."
"What for?" Mugen scratched his head. This was getting too complicated. He really didn't feel like dealing with a group of children that were connected to his past, especially not after all he had been through with Fuu. He remembered how it had only been a few short hours ago, when he had been inside of her, having the best time of his life, short of fighting. What had he done? Now he was in it deep with a child "clan" from the worst place on Earth.
"I have something that you might want to see."
"Yeah? Where is it?"
"Not far. I think it belongs to you."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, if you don't come with me, you'll never know."
"Who says I want to know?" Tira smiled at him.
"Oh, believe me, Mugen-san. You'll want to see this."
Mugen's hand cradled his forehead and he sighed. He could really use a drink, and he didn't see one coming to him anytime soon.
Chapter Text
"Where the hell did you get that?" The children shrank back as Mugen's eyes flared. His hand inched towards his sword like a reflex.
"Tell me, or there's gonna be some bloodshed." Tira held her ground, but inside she was quaking. Was Mugen really blood thirsty enough to slaughter children? Carefully, she picked up the string of jade beads, keeping an eye on Mugen. He didn't reach for them, but his body was tense, like he might leap for her.
"A woman named Koza lent them to me. She told me to hold on to them until I met you. She was... my aunt."
"So... your father was Mukuro?
"Yes, he died five years ago."
"I know. I was there. A buddy of mine killed him." Tira looked stunned.
"You should thank him though. Mukuro was a class A son-of-a b*tch. I wouldn't be surprised if Koza was your mother."
"I said she was my -"
"I know what you said."
He paused to let the girl think about it. She shook her head in frantic denial, and blinked back tears.
"So, she said to give me those beads, huh?"
"Yes. They were your mother's?"
"Yeah. I still got the earrings." He gestured to the single jade stone in his ear.
"Where is the other one?"
"It's around. " He beckoned to her with the his hand and she passed him the long necklace. The stones glistened in the dim cave like they were coated with oil.
"Koza said that your mother was wild, but beautiful."
"Never knew her. She was just a slave that worked too hard and keeled over one day."
"Who told you that?" Tira made a symbol with her fingers and all of the children left the cave. Toka lingered at the entrance for a moment, then he disappeared into the grove.
"Some old lady. Probably my grandmother or something. "
"That's not how it went."
"What do you know about it?"
"Look, do you even know your mother's name?"
"I used to, but I don't really care anymore."
"Why not?" The girl's dark eyes glimmered, and suddenly she reminded him of Fuu. Tira was like a younger version of Fuu. She was only trying to help him. Mugen shrugged, about to tell her what he knew, when he was instantly struck with a feeling that something was wrong with Fuu. She's safe at home, man. Get a hold of yourself. All this sentimental crap from your past is just getting you messed up in the head. It hit him again, stronger. She is in pain.
Even five years ago, he had been able to sense certain things about her. He always seemed to know when she was in trouble. Right, he said in his mind. That's because it was always happening. The girl was always in trouble. How could I not know that? But this time... His stomach squirmed inside of him, and he found it harder then ever to breathe. He jumped up and wound the jade beads around his thin wrist.
"It's been nice reminiscing with you and all, but I have to go take care of something."
"But, wait! Do you even know where you are?"
"I'll figure it out. I can't be too far from the city. 'Sides, I never get lost."
"Will you come back someday?"
"I guess so. Maybe I can teach some of you kids how to fight."
"One more thing. Toka..." She cleared her throat awkwardly.
"He...ugh... he thinks you are his father."
Jin stood from a crouching position. Could Mugen really have run this far in one night? He had followed his tracks for most of the day, and it was starting to get dark out. Maybe he was passed out somewhere. That or he had really wanted to get away from Fuu. Just like Mugen to run away from responsibility. But hadn't Jin run away from his problems once, too?
At least Mugen isn't hiding behind a pair of false glasses. Maybe he had a few things in his past to work out, like I did. Maybe this isn't the first time he's run away and left a women with his child. Jin walked on, his frown deepening with resolve. But Fuu is not just any woman. He really cares about her, I know he does. And I am going to make him see it.
He walked for awhile longer until he reached a secluded bamboo grove. Something about it didn't sit right with him, so he moved slowly. Then he stood still, feeling the air with his senses. The wind moved through the wands of bamboo, and they made a rushing sound. He smelled water and the green, fresh scent of the bamboo leaves... and blood. He scanned the area quickly with his sharp eyes until they settled on the dark puddle. Moving away from the blood were Mugen's footprints. They swerved a little more then usual, probably from loss of blood. Here and there were scattered a few drops of it. And all around his tracks were smaller footprints. Could they be children? Why would Mugen be off in the forest with a gang of children? Jin shook his head and sighed. Mugen never made any sense. He stepped around the blood and craned his neck forward to hear any sound. It was silent. Silent children could only mean two things. Either they were warrior children about to ambush him, or Mugen had killed them all. Jin leaned strongly towards his first thought, and it was confirmed when he felt a sharp prick on his neck. Why did the small ones always have blow darts? His vision hazed over, and he felt himself fall.
The pain shuddered through Fuu like an iron fist was squeezing her insides. She was curled up as tight as she could bend herself on Shino's bed. She knew something was wrong, but she had stopped herself from crying out. Shino was still out in the garden, and Fuu's mind was still too hazy to do anything about it. The last thing she felt before she blacked out was a warm wetness like bathwater, carrying her into oblivion.