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On Hoseok's 22nd birthday he died while trying to save a little girl from a car accident. He was on his way to his friend's house for his surprise birthday party which he already knew about; which was planned by his lover.
On his way to Jimin's house, Hoseok saw a car speeding and losing control and as it was about to hit a little girl–barely 3 years old, he couldn’t stop himself and shield the girl's body with his own.
He was declared dead on spot.
Hoseok remembers feeling the pain, the agony as his soul left his body. He remembers hearing the heart-wrenching scream of his lover– of Yoongi.
They still haunt him.
He was supposed to be dead, well he is dead but also not. His body died but his soul never left earth. He is still here, even after ten years in the cemetery his family has buried him all this years ago.
He can't leave the cemetery no matter how much he tries. He tried to find his way to the after life, to heaven, hell wherever the soul goes after their death but he found nothing. Instead he found himself trapped inside this cemetery.
Waiting, watching as other people bury their loved ones. Some people bury their partner, some their kids, some grandparents, some parents. He sees people visiting their loved ones during their anniversary. He tried to find soul of those who is buried at the same place as him.
He tried to locate another one like him but he didn’t found any.
He is alone,
All alone,
Trapped inside this cemetery.
But today is different. Today Hoseok won't be alone. Today his favourite person in this entire world will come to visit him.
Today's Hoseok's 32nd birthday. Well would have been if he was alive. But anyway today's his birth and death anniversary and every year like clockwise Yoongi visit him on this day with a cake and a flower.
The first year Hoseok passed, Yoongi used to come everyday. He used to sit beside Hoseok's grave and talk, cry, and complain about why Hoseok left him? Why didn't Hoseok keep his promise of their forever?
Hoseok desperately wanted to comfort Yoongi during those times. He tried to hug Yoongi and each time he passed through Yoongi like air.
After Hoseok's third death anniversary Yoongi stopped showing up everyday, instead he used to come once a month and then years passed and now he visit Hoseok once a year.
On Hoseok's birthday.
Hoseok doesn’t like to admit that he died on the same day he was born. It's so boring and ominous. Though at this point nothing is auspicious for Hoseok.
Hoseok patiently wait all year long for his birthday, for Yoongi to visit him. So he can see his lover, can hear his voice, his laugh, his cry, can see his smile.
It's been 365 days since Hoseok last saw Yoongi, heard his voice and he can't wait for Yoongi to arrive so he can see his lover until his heart is content and he has the strength to survive another 365 days without Yoongi.
Hoseok hops down from the tree when he hears the sound of a car stopping. His dead heart skips a beat as he quickly makes his way towards his grave. He stands right beside his grave stone and impatiently waits for Yoongi to show up.
And Yoongi does show up.
Like every year, he is wearing all black from head to toe, on his right hand he has a box of cake and on his left hand is a bouquet of sunflower. He is wearing sunglasses, hiding his cat-like eyes from Hoseok's view. A large scarf wrap around his neck to save himself from the cold and a black beanie that hide his jet black hair.
A smile spread into Hoseok's lips as he watch Yoongi stand in front of his grave. He sees as a small smile curl at the corner of Yoongi's lips, “Hey, Seok-ah.” Hoseok closes his eyes as he savour the deep soothing calming voice of Yoongi calling his name. It's been one long year since he last heard Yoongi's voice calling his name.
“Hey hyung.” Hoseok replies even though he knows Yoongi can't hear him. He never does. No matter how loud or quiet Hoseok speaks.
“How are you doing today? It's been a while since I visited you.” Yoongi's voice is soft, full of guilt. Hoseok's heart warms up,
“I am good hyung. What about you? And yeah, It's been long. Too long.”
Hoseok hears Yoongi chuckling softly. The sound music to Hoseok's ear, “I am okay, I guess? I don’t know, It's hard to tell.” Hoseok's smiles dims down as he hoped this year Yoongi would have a different answer but like always Yoongi answers are also the same.
“I brought you a cake—” Yoongi lifts the cake box into the air. Hoseok eyes the box, this year the box looks even more expensive, “—It's a vanilla strawberry cake, your favourite. I even got the writing done in green, your favourite colour.” Yoongi says he kneels down on the ground, uncaring about getting mud on his clearly expensive pants.
He puts down the flower beside him and open the cake box. He opens the box and pulls out Hoseok's cake. He holds it in front of Hoseok's grave. Hoseok excitedly looks at the cake and sure enough the writing is done in green.
The cake simply says, ‘Happy birthday j-hope’. A smile grace Hoseok's face when he notice Yoongi using his stage name instead of real one.
“Thank you hyung.” He whispers as he feels his eyes tearing up. He sees Yoongi swallowing thickly, “I hope you will like it. I told the worker to write your stage name because I-I finally managed to take the first step towards fulfilling your dream.”
Hoseok confuse tilt his head, what dream Yoongi is talking about? The only dream 22 years Hoseok had was marrying and spending forever with his lover and owing his own dance studio one day.
“I brought the studio where Hope world will be opened,” Hoseok's breath hitches as he sees Yoongi putting the cake down on the ground. He removes his sunglasses and Hoseok's immediately met with his lover's tearful gaze, “The studio itself is not very big but it has enough space for at least 20 students. I signed the paperwork last week and from next week the renovation will start and in a month or so your studio will be opened.”
Yoongi pulls out a candle from and put it on the cake. He then pick up the cake and hold it in front of Hoseok's grave, “Happy birthday, my love. Make a wish.” Hoseok quickly comes and sits down on the grass in front of Yoongi. He clasps his hands together, closes his eyes and makes his wish.
He wishes for Yoongi's happiness, for Yoongi's pain to disappear. Hoseok can see it, deep in his lovers eyes how he is barely holding on. He wishes for Yoongi to be okay, to be happy.
Hoseok open his eyes just as a tear roll down Yoongi's cheeks. He reaches out to wipe that tears down but his hands goes through Yoongi's cheek.
Yoongi smiles and puts down the cake. He uses the back of his hands to wipe the tears down. He make himself comfortable on the ground. Hoseok knows, now Yoongi will talk to him for the coming hours. He will fill Hoseok with everything that happened in the last year.
Hoseok draws his knees together and puts his chin on his knees, eagerly waiting for his lover to start talking.
Yoongi picks up the sunflower and puts them right beside the cake, “This year, the sunflower caught my eyes. They reminded me of yours bright eyes and beautiful smile. I hope you like them.”
“I love them, hyung. I love them so much.” Hoseok says as he tries to run his finger through the flower petals but his hands goes through them. He lets out a sigh in disappointment.
“Today's your 32nd birthday. I can't believe ten years has passed since I last saw you. Sometimes I stay up awake at night wondering what 32 year old Hoseok would look like.—” Hoseok knows Yoongi is lying. He doesn’t stay up sometimes, he stays up everyday wondering about how Hoseok would look like now. Hoseok knows Yoongi.
“I am sure you would have been handsome, with your pretty doe eyes, perfect teeth and your heart-shaped smile.” Yoongi chuckles softly. He then looks up at the sky and blinks furiously.
Hoseok looks at Yoongi, 33 years old Yoongi is handsome, even more handsome than Hoseok remembers. He looks more mature and there's deepness in his eyes. Hoseok wonders if he would have looked like that too?
“Life's been okay in the past year. I got promoted as the senior producer for the label I work for—” A proud grin breaks into Hoseok's face as his eyes shine with pride, “That's great hyung! I am so proud of you.” Yoongi takes a shuddering breath, “I moved into a new apartment as Seokjin hyung and Jungkook finally decided to move in together. The apartment itself is not big, it's just one bedroom but it has a very nice balcony and view. Exactly the way you like.”
Hoseok's heart ache. 10 years. 10 long years passed yet Yoongi still does everything the way Hoseok likes. He still thinks and care about Hoseok's preference even though Hoseok's not there to see all that.
“Oh, Jimin and Taehyung got engaged on valentines day. I mean it was about time. I know they were pushing it back because of me. I don’t know why they thought I wouldn't be happy if they got engaged earlier.”
Oh.
“I helped Taehyung planned the proposal, I was there for the ring shopping and I was there when Taehyung went into one knees and popped out the question.
I was so happy, I was crying.” Yoongi chuckles and goes quite. He then shakes his head, “I was happy for them but seeing Taehyung on one knee reminded me of what I couldn’t do for you. It reminded me that, I never got the chance to be your fiance, your husband. I never got the chance to asks you the question.
Helping Taehyung pick up an engagement ring while yours is still untouched in my pants pocket hurts a lot, I am not going to lie. It hurt so much Hoseok-ah. I -we will never get to have what they do and it makes a little jealous but I am also happy for them you know?”
Hoseok does. Oh Lord, Hoseok does. He understand Yoongi. He does. He does. He understand how painful it's for Yoongi.
“I still carry your ring with me you know? Jimin and Seokjin hyung thought I donated it but I still have it with me. Even right now. I couldn’t bring myself to look at it or throw it away. How could I? It's yours. I-I customised it the way you would have like it. I was about to ask you to be my husband on your birthday instead I lost the privileged to call you mine.” Yoongi's voice is getting wet, tears dances into his eyes.
“I am yours hyung. I am yours. I always has been.” Hoseok whispers as the pain in his chest increase. Hoseok thought after death, people doesn’t feel pain but he has been proved wrong everyday for the last ten years.
“I went on a date two months ago with one of Jimin's friends. I didn’t wanted to but Jimin and Seokjin hyung insisted. Jimin stopped eating until I agreed so I went on a date with Namjoon. Namjoon is a nice guy, the date was nice but he wasn’t you. No one can be you. I tried to be interested in him, even thought about going for a second date just to keep Jimin happy but I soon realised by doing so, I will lead Namjoon and I didn’t want to do that.
So the next day, I called him and told him I can't do this. Namjoon was surprisingly very understanding. He said, he figured that out especially when he saw your picture in my wallet.” Yoongi chuckles softly, “We are good friends now but Jimin was not happy when he found out.”
Hoseok chuckles softly. He knows Jimin means well that he just want Yoongi to be happy and Hoseok wants that too. He desperately wants Yoongi to be happy.
“He, Seokjin hyung, Jungkook and Taehyung showed up at my apartment unannounced and Jimin demanded an answer but before I could answer, he noticed all of your pictures around my apartment and he lost it. He yelled, cried, called me mentally sick, said I needed to accept that you're dead and you're not coming back. He said I needed mental help. He said some other mean things and I admit I also lost my cool and said things in return. He was so upset he left. Jungkook and Seokjin hyung stayed the night with me. We didn’t talk for a week but then Jimin showed up at my doorsteps crying and he apologised for his outburst. We hugged and talked everything out.”
Yoongi takes a deep breath and looks down at his lap, “I want Jimin to understand that I am okay being alone. I can't give your place in my life to someone else. No one can replace you. I can't love another person. I don’t have it in me anymore. I don’t even love myself anymore. All my love died with you.”
Hoseok realises he is crying when his tear drops on his hands. He sniffs and wipes down his tears with the back of his hands but they keep falling,
“I still visit my therapist every week. She is nice and she tells me, I am allowed to grieve for as long as I want. I do know that you-you're dead and that you will never return but that doesn’t mean I have to move on. I did move on in my life though. I completed university, I got a good job, I fulfilled my dream of being a producer, I bought a house, I smile, I go out. I do everything I am supposed to do yet Jimin and others think I am depressed.
They don’t understand that, it's not easy for me to move on from you. They don’t understand the love we share. They don’t understand what you are to me. They don’t understand that we weren't just high school sweethearts, we were-are soulmates. You’re the other half of my soul.”
“Oh, Yoongi,” Hoseok says as his heart twists painfully in his chest. Yoongi blinks to get rid of the tears in his eyes, “Anyway, do you know Jimin's here? He is waiting in the car. I told him to come meet you but he said, he has an important meeting to attend online but I know he was lying. As tough as he wants to behave, deep down he hasn't moved on either but I am not going to call him out.
He and Taehyung are getting married next month. Jimin made me his man of honour. They are going to have an empty seat for you at the wedding party. That asshole tells me to move on when he is still stuck right where I am.” Yoongi shakes his head fondly. Hoseok laughs wetly. He remembers the promise he and Jimin made to each other that they will be each other's best man and if for some reason one can't attend then they will have an empty seat in other's honour.
“Jimin was kind enough to not force me into getting a plus one though he still gave me a plus one. Everyone's excited about the wedding, I am too. But every time I accompany him or Taehyung for wedding-related work, I can't help but think about how our wedding would have looked like. What kind of flower, cake, dress, decoration would you like?”
Hoseok wonders about the questions. What kind of wedding would he like? Hoseok thinks he would prefer something simple with just their close friends and family. Something intimate just for them to enjoy.
“Hoseok-ah,” Yoongi's voice is wet and broken, his eyes full of longings, “It's getting hard, you know, surviving without you. For the last ten years I feel like I am dying every day little by little. Every night I stare at the ceiling fantasizing about what life would have looked like if you were here with me.
Everyday it’s getting a little harder to wake up in the morning. Until now, I could survive because I had a mission to fulfil. I needed to fulfil your dream of opening Hope World and now that dream is coming to life, I don’t know what else motivation I have to survive.
I am a little ashamed to admit that I have been thinking about it a lot recently—” It takes Hoseok a moment to realise what Yoongi's talking about but when he does, his eyes widen and he desperately shakes his head.
No, No,No. Yoongi can't do that. He can't end his life. He can't. He-he has to live for himself not for Hoseok. No, he can't do that.
“I know our friend would be devastated if they find out what I have been thinking about but it's getting harder and harder surviving without you. I can't do this anymore. I tried Seok-ah, I did. Please trust me. I did. But I can't bring myself to live a life without you. I constantly feel like a part of my soul is missing. I don’t feel like I am alive. I am just breathing because that's what you would have wanted but Hoseok-ah I want to be with you.
Until now I didn’t do anything because I wanted to fulfil your dream and I wanted our friends to be happy and they are happy. I know that Seokjin hyung is also planning to propose to Jungkook and you already know Taehyung and Jimin are getting married. In two months your studio will be open and I will hand all the responsibility to Jimin.
I already talked with a lawyer and made my will. I am leaving everything to our friends though I did said, I wish to be buried with the ring I brought for you.
I didn’t get the chance to propose to you in this lifetime but maybe I will get the chance in the afterlife who knows?”
Hoseok desperately shakes his head, “No-no. No-no you can't do that! I don’t approve of that.” Hoseok hiccups but Yoongi doesn’t hear him. Yoongi's crying too but there's also a smile on his lips, an ominous smile that tells Hoseok, he already made up his mind and he even has a date picked up.
Yoongi blinks and looks at his pants when a loud ping noise is heard. He wipes his tears down and reaches for his phone in his pants. Hoseok watches Yoongi laughing, his eyes filled with fondness. He then looks at Hoseok with eyes full of apology, “I have to go now. Jimin's getting worried. But I will come back soon to meet you.”
Yoongi gets on his feet, Hoseok follows his suit. Hoseok moves away as Yoongi walks closer to his grave stone, he pulls out his napkin from his pocket and gently wipes the grave stone. He puts extra care into Hoseok's name.
He then step back and looks at the grave properly Hoseok does the same,
Jung Hoseok
Born 18-02-1994
Death 18-02-2016
Hoseok sees Yoongi walking until he is inches away from his grave stone. Yoongi vents down and kisses Hoseok's grave stone, he then wraps his arms around it, “I can't wait to meet you again, my love. I love you and happy birthday.”
Yoongi pulls away and smiles at Hoseok's grave. Hoseok's heart twists and squeezes. His tears keep falling as he watches Yoongi placing the flower properly on his grave stone, he then closes the box of cake and puts it beside his grave.
“Happy 32nd birthday Hoseok-ah.” With that Yoongi turns around and starts walking out of the cemetery. Hoseok desperately tries to hold Yoongi's hand, to stop him, to tell him not to end his life for Hoseok. To live and love, to move on.
He runs after Yoongi, “Yoongi, you can't do this. Yoongi you will have to live not for me or us but for yourself. Yoongi, are you listening to me.” Hoseok's voice is desperate, his feet hurried but Yoongi doesn’t hear him.
As he walks out of the cemetery Hoseok tries to follow him out but immediately a wave of electricity courses through his body. His whole body jerks and he falls inside the cemetery.
He groans and tries to stand up, ignoring the pain all over his body, “Yoongi, you can't do that! Yoongi! Yoongi! Yoongi!” Hoseok yells but his lover doesn’t hear him instead Yoongi gets into the car and after a moment the car drives away leaving Hoseok alone inside the cemetery.
Hoseok's lips wobble, his hands shaking as his inside fills with a sudden fury. He looks up at the sky and finds gloomy cloud to hide the sun behind them,
“What the fuck is your problem! Why the heck are you doing this to us, to him!” Hoseok yells to whom he doesn’t know. All he knows is he needs an answer. He wants to end his and Yoongi's misery. He can't see Yoongi ending himself little by little.
“What did I ever do to you? What did he ever do to you? Why are you punishing us like this? What is our fault? Answer me you fuck!” Hoseok yells as his tears continue to blur his vision.
He hiccups, “Ten years! It's been Ten fucking years yet you have me stuck in this stupid cemetery. Why aren’t you freeing me? What did I do to deserve this? What did he do to deserve this pain? Why did you kill me? Why didn’t you let me have my happy ending? Why didn’t you let us live our love! What the fuck is your problem?”
Hoseok's knees wobble as he falls on the ground. His entire body shakes with his every violent sob. He wants this pain to end. He wants this misery to end. He wants to hug Yoongi, wants to kiss him, and be with him.
He wants to be free from this eternal curse.
Suddenly a bright light falls directly on Hoseok. Hoseok sniffs and looks up to find the light is falling directly from the sky but he doesn’t see anyone,
“Ten days! You have ten days to make Min Yoongi fall in love with you and if you succeed I will return your soul to your body but if you fail, you will disappear for forever. There won't be any rebirth of you. Yoongi will be born over and over again with only half of his soul. His misery will be the price of this deal.”