Work Text:
Kariya masaki is a
boy who transferred to Raimon. He has an agreeable attitude on the outside, but is relentless on the inside.
Masaki was a lot of things. He was tired. Tired of having to act he wasn't apart of the fifth sector, tired of having to act like he didn't hate them. Tired of acting like he liked them – expect he did. But he didn't. He really didn't! You had to believe him.
He was tired, of having to act weak– having to act like he couldn't destroy kirino. He could, but he couldn't right now. And he felt restless about it. It haunted him. Haunted him how much he was afraid he'd get attached – even a small bit and he wouldn't be able to leave.
And he couldn't get attached, if he got attached he'd fault the fifth sector. He'd fail what he built, he'd fail their trust and honour in him, but really he couldn't get that, he couldn't because–
The fifth sector trusted him.
He couldn't disappoint them, not now, not ever. So he closed his eyes, tomorrow he had a big match, another match where he had to act fragile and weak. One last match, then he could drop the act, and he was calm. Even his own legal guardians didnt know, hell, why would they? They wouldn't understand.
Adults never understand, they never do, and never help too – but... But his guardians did, they did help him. Maybe–
No. No, no. Maybe nothing masaki– just fucking sleep already.
So he slowly fell asleep, that damned plushie tight in his grip.
Kariya wasn't one to rest.
Kariya wasn't one born to be calm.
Kariya wasn't one to dream.
His dreams were all the same.
His dad going to jail. His dad.
Thats why he never slept.
His dad haunted the back of his mind. Always.
When he woke up, he didn't feel so good, he felt nauseous almost. The clock on the armrest kept yelling, so he slammed it down with a slap, letting out a long and loud yawn as he softly got up from the bed, his gaze looking at his school uniform, groaning slightly, before his hand grabbed the bottle of water on the table and took a few sips.
He looked in the mirror of his room, he had some eyebags, but they were barely noticeable, so he only decided to let them off. He let out another loud yawn as je stretched once more.
He walked over to the bathroom, opening the door with a swift motion as he entered it, before taking off his PJ's as he got into the shower, the hot water relaxing his already-sleepied muscles. He washed his long teal hair with shampoo, scrubbing and rubbing, his small smug it all grin already on his face as he imagined the game today.
He got out, dried his hair and body, before walking to his bedroom once more, dressing up. He put his usual school uniform, before walking down the stairs with a small rhythm. That's where he saw his guardians waiting with a small grin.
The first who opened his mouth, was Midorikawa, he had dark green hair, and pretty big eyes.
"You excited for the game today or what?"
He asked with a hint of calmness, that sometimes chilled masakis back, but the teal haired boy, only seemed to nod a little, as he sighed slightly before speaking up.
"I guess I am.. I'm not sure if we'll win this game."
He said with a hint of monotone, but his other guardian, Hiroto, the one with red flashing hair, spoke up next, as he walked up to Masaki and held his hand on his cheek, almost like he was telling him not to do whatever he was gonna do.
"You'll do the best. And I'm sure of it, okay masa?"
He said, before pulling back as he patted his head, and masaki pretended too pull away from the touch with a " disgusted " face, so Hiroto acted all offended, his hand going to his heart like a wounded soldier.
"Oh, you wound me my dear child!"
Masakis eyes widened at the word child, his throat gulping as he felt his throat go dry, before he decided to only roll his eyes, since he wasn't really their child, he was just their choice. before opening his mouth to speak.
"You're a grown ass man, come on."
He said, before smiling slightly, as he talked once more, this time making sure his voice could be heard, loud and clear.
"I'm going, bye bye!"
He ran out before his guardians could scold him, panting slightly as he sprinted and jumped.
He made his way to the school, his steps messing around inside of his head. The air felt chilly. More than usual, he had to put his hands in his pocket to prevent the cold from getting to his head.
He grumbled as he realised how much of way he still had left, it was tormenting him, so he sped up a bit, kind of realising he was somehow slightly late, so he ran faster– his steps making small clicking sounds.
He managed to get inside the school, before entering the raimon's base. He bit his lower lip before entering, seeing...well, his teammates, and well others too.
Like kirino-senpai.
Shindou, the captain walked up to him, with a hint of sternness.
"You're late, kariya."
He said, before simply sighing, shaking his head slightly, as he looked at him.
Kariya smiled sadly before he softened his gaze on purpose, as he opened his mouth to "justify"
"Im sorry shindou-senpai. Won't happen again."
He bowed slightly, when shindou didn't see, his lips curled in disdain.
Shindou only said to get up, and said if wasn't an issue if they didn't have a game today. Before he turned to others and started to talk about the game and how hard it'd be for them.
Masaki looked at the blue haired boy, kageyami. He seemed to be worried over something. So masaki, as usual, walked up to his dear „ friend ” and let his arm sling over his shoulder, bringing him closer.
"What troubles you, Kageyami-kun?"
He asked, his tone smooth as honey, can't say the same as his eyes. They were as sharp as daggers.
"Nothing .. just – I'm worried over.. over him."
Kageyami admitted, his tone as quiet as ever, and Masaki could not help but shrug slightly.
"Maybe he's tired."
"Or he doesn't wanna play the game today, ask him yourself, won't you?"
Masaki said with a grin.
"You're right Kariya-kun! I'll ask him about it!"
He said almost too loud, but Masaki didn't care, as he simply sat down and waited for coach endou and his teammates to get up and walk to the bus.
His gaze wandered to Kirino. Sometimes kariya's eyes lingered on his facial expressions and features a bit too long, but fuck, really, could you blame him when he fucking hated that bitch–
He mentally slapped himself. He was getting his emotions the best of him, and he couldn't make that happen.
His eyes half-lidded like he wasn’t really there. Which, lately, was half true.
"Kariya-kun."
Kariya didn’t look up, instead he spoke up with that same smug grin as always and opened his mouth to speak, that same sassy and bitchy tone he never failed to hold.
"What, did Tenma-kun give another inspirational speech while I wasn’t listening?"
Kirino frowned, as he spoke, irritation clear in his tone–
"We’re talking about the match that we'll have today.."
He said, before looking at him, before he looked at him, really looked at him and sighed.
"your positioning last game was… off."
Kirinos tome was serious. Too serious. Kariya felt it twist in his chest, an ugly, familiar pressure. Don’t look at him. Don’t slip.
"You worry too much," he stopped, before talking again. "We won, didn’t we?"
Then, they made their way to the bus. Masaki fell asleep.. and hell, could you blame him? He was.. tired.
As they walked into the stadium, Masaki took his place on the field, testing out his shoes as he tapped on the ground hard enough with them. He bummed slightly, his grin appearing on his face, feeling the air.
He knew tenma was yapping about something maybe important, but he couldn't bring himself to care as his eyes drifted to the opposing team. Their formation was... organized in a way he recognized instantly.
They’re from the fifth sector too.
Fuck, that's what they were talking about– and he didn't listen, stupid stupid stupid
The whistle blew, meaning the game was starting.
The match moved fast. passes, tackles, shouts echoing across the field. Masaki played clean, even perfect. Intercepting passes, blocking shots, exactly what Amy difensor should do.
Too exactly.
By the second half, sweat dripped down his neck, and his chest burned. The pressure wasn’t just physical.. It was the countdown ticking in his head, he knew the moment was coming closer and closer.
Create instability.
The moment came suddenly. A break in Raimon’s defense. One step out of position
.. and that was all it would take.
No one would even notice. It could look like a mistake.
Kirino was to his right, already moving to cover.
But.. Masaki moved.
Because the player of the other squad wasn't joking, and was planning too tackle one of them– Masaki decided to threw himself into the tackle, hard enough that it knocked the air from his lungs. Pain exploded up his leg, but the ball skidded away harmlessly.
The whistle shrieked.
Foul. On Masaki.
Masaki, stayed on the ground, staring at the sky. His heart was beating violently, not from the fall, but from the choice he’d just made, he'd just ruined something. And he didn't feel ashamed.
The referee called for play to resume. Masaki pushed himself up, ignoring the pain screaming through his body, it was so heavy at first he thought he had fractured something, but his face said nothing. No one asked if he was okay. But it didn't even matter to him.
Masaki took his position, ignoring the sharp sting in his leg. Pain was familiar to him.. but, the guilt was worse, it was eating him from the inside.
"kariya." Shindou called from midfield.
"Focus."
The opposing team moved differently now, sharper, more aggressive and more angry and mean. They were pressing Raimon’s weak points with extreme precision. Masaki saw it instantly.
They’re following orders.
Tenma sprinted past him, chasing the ball with that reckless optimism that made Masaki's chest ache.. because soccer should be like that, a small, traitorous part of him thought.
But honesty didn’t survive in the Fifth Sector, and he learnt it the hard way.
The enemy winger broke through on the left. Masaki could've stopped him. He knew exactly how, it was one clean interception, a perfect angle..
Instead, Masaki hesitated, he didn't move, just stared mindlessy, and it was just long enough..
That the pass slipped through.
"KARIYA–" Kirino shouted, but it was too late, and the striker took the shot, making the ball slam into the net..
Goal.
0-1
Most, raimon players froze, disbelief written across their faces.. they were confused, especially tenma, who then turned toward Masaki, confused.
"Eh…?"
Masaki stood still, eyes shadowed beneath his bangs. His chest felt hollow, like a hole was beind made in it.
Shindou clenched his fists, before saying..
"We can recover." He said with a stern voice, getting everyone's attention, before speaking once more as he said.
"Don't lose focus."
But Kirino was staring at Masaki now. Really staring.
The whistle blew again, and the match grew uglier.
The raimon pushed forward almost desperate, like a lost dog, but every time something was built, something went wrong, maybe a mistimed run.. a bad pass. A defensive gap that shouldn’t have existed – everything...
Every crack led back to Masaki.
He wasn’t sloppy, and that was the worst part, because his mistakes were small and subtle. One might even say, professional.
His hands trembled, just like his mind, like how everything was getting messy and, and almost as if he couldn't fully comprehend and think straight.
He remembered standing in this same stadium wearing Raimon’s colors for the first time.. pretending not to care, Pretending it was all a joke. But it wasn't for him.
He remembered Tenma shouting his name like it mattered, like he was a part of the team.
But thing is ,.. he really wasn't, and never was. He didn't know why they kept trying, when he got asked about it he simply said he got sloppy and hurt himself, that he didn't mean to do it.
He'd say it with such gentleness that, even kirino didn't question it at first.
Raimon, still won the round. Trusugi with shindou and tenma managed to sign two goals, and kariya internally cheered. Just internally.
But, on their way back, no one talked to him. Or looked at him, not even coach endou.
That's why, he went back home feeling like absoulute shit. He avoided any questions from his guardians, as he walked directly into the bathroom, taking off his clothes and jumping in shower.
His muscles were sore, and everything hurt and felt and looked raw too. He didn't understand why. Oh, actually he did, but.. whatever.
He washed himself, making sure the water was as hot and as relaxing as it could be so he could feel his muscles get soothed, before he walked to his bedroom, the plushie waiting in bed for him. He put on his pjs, almost ignoring how his stomach protested, and jumped in bed.
This night, he didn't sleep at all. Not a small ounce. Because tomorrow, was the day.
The day he'd leave raimon.
His sleep wasn't as bad. He felt somehow at peace.
Masaki had always been the best at pretending
It was easy, easier than listening to Tenma’s endless optimism. Smiling when expected, complaining just enough to seem normal
Or.. hiding behind sarcasm like it was part of the Raimon uniform. No one ever looked twice at the defender who joked around and slipped past tackles like a ghost. Why would they?
No one ever wondered why his stamina never seemed to run out.
Or why his eyes sometimes went distant when the fifth sector was mentioned, like he was already somewhere else.
And today, Kariya was done pretending.
The locker room smelled like sweat and detergent, familiar and suffocating. Tenma was pacing, they didn't talk about the match of today, but he saw in their eyes that he was being judged.
Endou stood near the doorway, arms crossed, watching his team with that familiar warmth.
When Masaki shut his locker, he knew the sound of his locker door closing was louder than it should’ve been.
"I'm heading out."
He said, his tone as quiet and smooth as ever, and a few heads turned.
"Wait where?" Shinsuke asked – and tenma overflowed him.
"You're not gonna train with us?"
“Nope.”
Tenma blinked, worry washing over him, his mouth left open, before speaking once more.
"Why though?"
Masaki shrugged, slinging his bag over his shoulder. He kept his posture loose, almost lazily casual. If he acted normal enough, maybe this would hurt less and.. maybe they’d believe the lie, the lie he was forced to say.
Endou frowned slightly, why was.. he behaving like this? This wasn't like him. He shook his head mentally before opening his mouth to speak.
"Kariya."
Masaki hesitated, just a fraction of a second too long, then walked over to him. Endou’s eyes were sharp. Not even.. suspicious. Concerned, like a father worried about his son. Like an owner concerned about.. about his dog, and that was somehow worse.
"You haven't been the same lately" Endou said gently, before speaking once more, his hand sliding down in his pockets.
"If something’s bothering you..you can–"
"I’m quitting," Masaki cut in.
Endou stared at him.
Behind them, the locker room had gone quiet. Tenma’s smile had vanished completely, and his eyes were widen.
Masaki avoided looking at any of them. "I’m leaving Raimon."
Tenma took a step forward, his hands going up. "W–Wait, what do you mean leaving? Like, you know, just.. just for today?"
"Nope." Kariya said, shaking his head. His tone was firm, like there was no going back from this. "I mean I’m done."
Masaki inhaled slowly, steadying himself. He couldn’t afford cracks, or.. everything he built would fail, so he smiled slightly as he talked since more, keeping his tone firm
"I don’t belong here anymore,"
he said, stopping for a few seconds before continuing.
"That’s all."
Before the coach endou could speak, masaki met his gaze at last. And for just a small second, Endou saw something raw and terrified beneath the younger boy... something young and cornered, scared. Like a violent cat.
"I don’t owe you an explanation," Masaki said quietly.
Endou’s expression fell, not even angry, not disappointed. Even.. confused, someone might say even, hurt.
He walked out before anyone could get a word in, and he tried to ignore how he felt kirinos eyes make a hole at the back of his head.
Because sooner or later, they’d see him for what he really was, and no one, no one would justify him anymore, he was.. one of them.
Days passed.
Practice felt wrong without him.
Endou watched the training area with focused eyes, expecting.. kind of absurdly, for their Masaki to get into position, lazy grin in place, pretending he wasn’t always exactly where he needed to be. The defense had holes now. Subtsle ones. Ones only noticeable when you knew what used to fill them,.
He tried contacting hiroto, but.. he only told him, he didn't know what Masaki was thinking. He'd try to talk to him. He knew hiroto was shocked too, because he heard his tone. And something inside of him..knew something wasn't right.
Tenma asked about Masaki every day.
Shindou stopped mentioning his name altogether.
Kirino seemed to be the one taking the worst way. And it was stupid, because the older one, would always argue with Masaki. Would it be crazy to say.. he missed him?
He hoped not. Because he did, and he started to feel sick for it.