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It had been a few weeks since the battle and Lo’ak had yet to mutter a word. They had developed a routine by now. Rotxo would rise and check on Lo’ak. Most days he would find him awake and looking to the sky, on those days he would quietly wish him good morning. On the few days he was still asleep when Rotxo rose he would smile softly before continuing their morning routine. After checking on Lo’ak Rotxo would pick out fruits for the first meal of the day and begin cutting them. After he had finished cutting the fruit for them both he would then retrieve two cups of water. Then he would guide Lo’ak to sit, so as to eat. Lo’ak hardly ate these days, often zoning out or flat out ignoring the food that was offered. Carefully Lo’ak reached out and took a piece of fruit and took small bites out of it until it was gone, then repeating. Rotxo sighed internally, today was a good day. Rotxo gently pushed the water glass closer to him, but Lo’ak did not acknowledge it. He wished that he would drink something, at least he had eaten today which was better than yesterday. He slowly picked up the pieces of uneaten fruit and either ate them himself or placed them in a basket to be eaten later. Lo’ak was still sitting on the floor, staring at nothing. Rotxo grabbed Lo’ak’s hair wrap and walked back up to the boy. He walked in front of him first to break him from his trace so he is not startled when he is behind him. Rotxo circled back and began to gather Lo’ak’s hair to form a pony tail, leaving his fringe out. He checked that everything was put away before he helped Lo’ak rise for their morning walk. They walk down to the beach then back up to the village and finally end up on the docks. By the time they make it to the docks it is well past sunrise. They both sit with their feet in the water. Lo’ak is gently kicking his feet in a rhythmic manner, while looking out over the water. It is quiet as always, but today Lo’ak sits just slightly closer than normal and for Rotxo that means progress.
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It has been a month since the battle and their routine still remains the same. Rotxo would check on Lo’ak and then cut fruit for the first meal of the day. He then sits with Lo’ak to eat their meal and ties up his hair before their morning walk. Sometimes Lo’ak’s siblings would join them, other times it is just him and Lo’ak. Today as they arrive at the docks Kiri is already sitting there, looking to the sea and trailing her hand through the water. She hears them coming and turns her head slightly before realizing who it is and turning back to the sea. They settle down next to her. They stay quiet, not needing their voices. The only sound to be heard was the quiet lull of the ocean hitting the dock and their breath. After sometime Kiri rises and presses a hand to Rotxo's shoulder in a silent goodbye. He notices that she does not do the same for her brother but rather lifts her hand in goodbye. He knows she misses being able to talk to her brother, to touch him but for now this is how it has to be. He remembers how hurt she had looked when she had squeezed her brother's arm in reassurance a few days after the battle. She was behind him when she did it. As if on instinct he had turned and hissed at her. Since then they had learned that if you touched Lo’ak he had to be able to see you or he would freak out. Sometimes even when something brushes his back he can be thrown into a panic. It had only happened a few times but each time it happened, it ended with Lo’ak on the floor breathing hard and fast and no one being able to come near him for hours. During those times Rotxo just stayed as close as Lo’ak would let him. That is how most of his time was spent, being as close to Lo’ak as he allowed him to be. He was lucky, there were very few people that Lo’ak would let be close to him right now, let alone let touch him. It was then that his train of thought was broken, as he felt a slight weight on his shoulder. He knew it was Lo’ak’s head but he still ached to check, but he resisted so as not to disturb him. Though it did feel as though he was resting as little weight as possibly on him. He wanted to offer him reassurances but knew that would not help it would only scare him. As time went on Lo’ak slowly leaned more of his weight on him, to finally, finally his was fulling resting on his shoulder.
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A few days after Lo’ak had leaned his head on Rotxo's shoulder he spoke, not with his voice but his hands. It was small at first, close to his chest. “Thank you,” soft and fluent as Rotxo had finished tying up his hair. He thought he imagined at first. Lo’ak had been messing with his hands all morning, but as he finished the motion and quickly pulled his hand back to his chest, Rotxo saw it. Quiet and perfect. It had taken weeks for Lo’ak to get their “finger talk” as Neteyam had called it. Now he spoke it like he had known it his whole life. He sighed back “You’re welcome.” Before putting things back in their proper place before walking to Lo’ak and helping him up. Now as the walked Lo’ak continued to mess with his hands, Rotxo noticed him half sighing, as if talking to himself. As they reached the dock the sun was kissing the edge of the sea in a beautiful display of colors. As they sat, lowering their feet into the water, Lo'ak immediately leaned his head on Rotxo's shoulder. Rotxo went stiff under Lo’ak’s head. Fearing he had done something wrong he moved to lift his head but Rotxo lifted his hand to gently push his head back to his shoulder. As soon as Lo’ak had lowered his head back to his shoulder he removed his hand from his head and returned it to his lap. Rotxo fiddled with his hand, nerves spiking, worrying that he had scared Lo’ak. They continued to stare out at the water. Rotxo nervously picking at the skin around his nails. Lo’ak’s ear twitches upon hearing Rotxo let out a small hiss as he pulls at a piece of skin. Slowly reaching his hand across to grab Rotxo's hand gently, pulling it into his lap. Lo’ak begins to play with his hand moving it around and occasionally moving his fingers to form signs. A small smile pulls at the edges of his lips as he traces his finger tips along the lines on Rotxo's hand. As Lo’ak continues to play with his hand Rotxo carefully moves his head to rest on top of Lo’ak’s, giving him plenty of time to move away if he does not want the contact. As they settled in the new position Lo’ak snuggled closer. As they sat gazing out at the water Lo’ak moved his hand out in front of him and moved it down in front of his body before bringing it back up to his chest and forming an arrow shape with his fingers and moving it in a circle. I am happy.
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Time seemed to keep going as Lo’ak fell still. He was still stuck on that rock in the middle of the sea. It was dark. He knew his body was no longer there but his mind was. He had felt that they had taken him back to the village. Most days he could barely see in front of him. He knew someone was taking care of him. They would rise him from his hammock and walk him to a spot in the marui. Sitting him in front of fruit and water. He didn’t know how long it was until he finally ate but he remembers hearing a quiet sign when he took his first bite. He would hear them walking around the marui cleaning up from the first meal of the day. They would always walk in front of him before going behind him. He appreciated that they did that so even if he was not always aware then he could guess where they were. For a while they would spend their days inside, but as Lo’ak became more aware they began going on walks short at first but slowly getting longer. It was after their first walk that Lo’ak realized who was taking care of him: Rotxo. After that he trusted him more. Sometimes Rotxo would talk in the mornings to fill the silence. One morning Rotxo had been talking about the hunt that was brought in yesterday and in the next moment he was silent. Though Lo’ak had not been listening to what he said he had been enjoying the way Rotxo rambling made it hard for him to think and for him to pay attention to the loud sounds outside. As soon as he had stopped it had come rushing back to him, but the silence was just as quickly fill by Rotxo saying
“Your ponytail is getting messy. Do you want me to fix it for you?”
It was kind, he offered nothing but kindness. Even if he could not speak he could nod. As he nodded a smile broke out across Rotxo’s face. He carefully removed the hair wrap holding his hair in the pony tail. He brushed his fingers through his hair before gathering it up again and retying it. Lo’ak was surprised how soothing it felt to have another run their hand through his hair.
It soon became a routine; before bed Rotxo would carefully untie his ponytail and then retie it in the morning. It soothed Lo’ak to no end, even if he spent his whole night drowning in his own thoughts he had the gentle hands in his hair to look forward to. As the days went on Lo’ak found himself trusting Rotxo more and more. He wanted to say it to him, tell him thank you but his tongue was like a heavy rock in his mouth and his hands ungraceful. So he did it in the small way he knew how. On their morning walk to the, as they sat on the docks after Kiri had left, he gently rested his head against Rotxo’s shoulder, lightly. Scared that Rotxo would push him off, he laid as little weight on him as possible, but as time wore on he slowly began to lean more and more weight on Rotxo until finally the full weight of his head was against his shoulder. Lo’ak might not be able to say thank you to Rotxo yet but he could show that he trusted him and for now that was enough.
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Their routine had changed, now when Rotxo woke and wished Lo’ak a good morning he would respond with his hands. He even ate more constantly now, there were still days when he could not even look at food but most days he would at least eat a bit of it. In some ways their routine was still the same; Rotxo would still cut up fruit for their first meal of the day and then tie up Lo’ak’s hair before their morning walk. One thing that had changed was that now Lo’ak was more comfortable with leaning on Rotxo's shoulder, sometimes playing with his hand. He was slowly becoming more okay with touch. Rotxo was still careful though, leaving it up to Lo’ak to initiate the contact, so it was all on his terms. Often their evening would follow the same routine. Rotxo would leave the marui, sometimes Lo’ak would come as well on his trip to pick up fish and whatever else. When Rotxo returned to the marui he would begin to prepare the last meal of the day. Sometimes it was fish, which he would lightly cook. Other times it was fruit or something else. Rotxo would ask Lo’ak what he wanted to eat, sometimes he was able to answer but other times his hand felt as if they were glued to his lap. Rotxo never got upset on the days he couldn’t answer; he would simply pick something himself. After the last meal of the day was prepared and eaten Rotxo would take out Lo’ak’s hair and run his fingers through his hair watching how his shoulder relaxed. After that Lo’ak would often lay in his hammock while Rotxo would busy himself with chores or sit at the front of the marui and watch as the village goes to sleep. Tonight was different though as Rotxo began to busy himself with cleaning Lo’ak approached him and grabbed his hand and led him to the front of the marui motioning for him to sit. After Rotxo settled into a cross legged position Lo’ak lowered himself to the ground before laying his head in Rotxo’s lap. Rotxo, whose hands had been raised in shock, slowly lowered to his side, careful not to touch Lo’ak. As they stared out at the village Lo’ak adjusted himself in Rotxo's lap before opening his mouth and licking his lip. His voice is hoarse at first, from disuse, “I am not going to break if you touch me you know.”
Rotxo tried to respond, “I just wanted it t-”
“Just be slow with it so I know what you are doing.”
“Okay,” Rotxo said softly as he reached forward and threaded his fingers through his untied hair. Occasionally picking up a braid and twirling it between his fingers. As he picked up a piece of Lo’ak’s fringe twirling it in between his fingers watching how the light hit the beads. It was then that what had just happened hit him, Lo’ak had just spoken. Their routine may be changing but Rotxo has never been happier.
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It was getting easier, he still found it hard to talk with his voice, often opting to talk with his hands. It was a rare occasion for him to use his voice, whenever he did it rubbed his throat, cracking as it came out his mouth. For the first time today he sighed to his sister, the smile that had split across her face had warmed him. He had felt guilty for so long for hissing at her but, still unable to apologize to her. The first thing he said was sorry. She had seemed confused at first but he saw the moment of realization came. So told him that it was nothing to worry about because she had forgiven him a long time ago. He had felt both disbelief and relief. How could she forgive him if he had not even apologized yet? Even though the conversion with his sister had filled him with joy he was exhausted. For the first time he had gone out without Rotxo. Rotxo had needed to go out hunting and he had wished Lo’ak goodbye before leaving. He had spent some time in the marui before the thoughts got a little too loud so he had decided to go on a walk. He had not sought out Kiri but when he saw her he felt a pull to her. A pull to apologize. They had sat together for a little longer, mostly in silence. Kiri would sometimes fill the air talking about how everyone was doing, Lo’ak just nodded along. Occasionally adding comments.
Before she left she said, “Goodnight brother, I am glad we could talk.”
He had just waved. He sat there for a little longer thinking over their conversation. He heard some whoops and splashes coming from the water signifying that the hunters had returned. Lo’ak made his way to the dock, deciding to meet Rotxo. As the hunters returned to the reef he spotted Rotxo smiling widely riding his ilu, his smile seemed to grow ten times when he saw Lo’ak. As he jumped on to the platform releasing his ilu Lo’ak approached him. As soon as he was in reach Rotxo reached out and gently trailed his hand down his arm before reaching his hand and taking it. Rotxo had become more comfortable with touch which made Lo’ak feel better. Rotxo had a basket in his other hand, grinning at Lo’ak before leading him back to the marui. For their last meal today was fish, which Rotxo lightly cooked over the fire. Lo’ak ate as much as he could; he always loved how Rotxo cooked fish. As Rotxo began to clean he sat at the front of the marui and looked out to the village. He felt guilty for letting Rotxo do all the work, he had tried to help before but had been waved away. As Rotxo finished cleaning he came to stand next to Lo’ak. The sun slowly lowered, the noise seeming to follow the sun’s gentle light.
“It’s peaceful right?”
Lo’ak nodded. Before standing and grabbing Rotxo’s hand, he was exhausted. All he wanted to do was lay down and be with Rotxo. He began to pull Rotxo further inside the marui. Leading him to his hammock. It was big enough for both of them. When Roxto realized where he was leading him his eyes widened in shock. As they stood in front of Lo’ak’s hammock he motions to it.
“Are you sure Lo’ak? I don’t want to crowd you.”
“Yes” he sighs.
Rotxo just nods as he climbs into his hammock, he adjusts himself, his back facing the front of the marui and his face toward the back wall with his arm laid out in front of him. After he is finished adjusting himself Lo’ak climbs in his back against Rotxo’s front. Rotxo lets him get comfortable before lightly laying his arm over his waist. As he goes to bury his face in his hair he realizes he forgot to take it out. He removes his arm from his waist and undoes his hair wrap before dropping it to the ground and running his fingers through his hair. He then returned to their earlier position.
“Thank you,” Lo’ak said
“For?” Rotxo murmured
“Everything.” Lo’ak replied
“You deserve it,” he said, snuggling his face into his hair.
“Mmmhum” is the last thing Lo’ak remembers saying before falling asleep.