Chapter Text
Neon blues and purples from all the fluorescent signs combined with the bright red hue of the prideful sky. The colors shone onto Valentino as he stood in his office, facing the window and watching all of the ant-sized sinners scrambling around below. He took a long drag from his cigarette and huffed pink smoke into the air, sighing dramatically as he turned around to look at something on the couch. It was Vox. Or, well, Vox’s head. He had been propped up against a pillow, an act of kindness from Val that Vox did not acknowledge.
The tension in the room was, as Val thought, ‘so thick you could stab it with a dildo’. He sat in a chair adjacent to Vox and coldly stared him down. Finally, Vox broke the silence.
“If you’re gonna watch me like that I could at least make it worth your while.” Vox’s face left his screen in exchange for a compilation of funny cat videos. Val was not amused, and Vox, sensing this, returned to his default face. “Oh, c’mon! Not even a smile? I could do this all day. I’ve got nothing but time now, I’m gonna get you to talk to me!” Val crossed his arms and glared off to the side.
Vox looked annoyed. “What more do you want from me?! I said I was sorry like five times!”
“Yes, and you didn’t mean a single one of them.” Val caved in and said. “You never meant any of it, did you? You self-righteous bastard!”
“So your little silent treatment is over, now, huh? We can talk like the professional adults that we are? Great. Love it. Now, I’ve got a question for you; when did you become such a pussy?” Vox rolled his eyes. “We could’ve just sorted this out with some make-up sex, but you just had to go and rip my fucking head off!”
“How DARE you!” Val grabbed Vox’s head and slammed it onto the ground. “You think that’s all it takes? Just some sex and then I’m all yours again like magic?! I’m no pussy, Vox. I have feelings and emotions because I’m human fucking being! I’m not just some bag of holes you can fill whenever it suits your fancy!”
“Wow. That’s the most hypocritical thing you’ve ever said. If you could hear yourself right now..”
“SHUT UP! Just shut up! Shut!” Val stomped on Vox’s screen. “The!” Another stomp followed. “FUCK!” And again. “Up!” He shrieked with one final stomp to Vox’s face. Vox now had cracks in his screen and his on-screen display flickered to a bunch of colored bars for a moment.
He felt a phantom urge to move his arms up and hold his face, but nothing happened. He just laid there moaning in pain a bit. “Fuuuuck..” He cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure. “Feew better now?” He spoke in demeaning baby-talk. “Did you get your wittle tantwum out of the way?”
Val looked at the couch, then at Vox on the floor. “I oughtta smother you with a pillow.”
Val’s phone began to ring and he grabbed it to see who it was. Velvette. He could really use her right now to ground himself and vent about all the shit clouding his brain. He answered the phone. “Vel! Baby! You bitch! what’s up?”
Velvette responded “I’ve got those costumes you wanted for your sexy cowboy shoot you’ve been blabbin’ about, they’re ready and they’re gorgeous. Get your arse over here!”
“Gotcha babe, be right there! Oh and tell Angel to come, too. Wait, that’s my job. Tell him to just be there. Byyyye~.” Val hung up the phone and stood next to Vox, staring down at him before picking him up and carrying him out of the room.
“We’re going to see Velvette? Perfect! She won’t get caught up in all that mushy sappy bullshit. She’s gotta hear me out.”
Valentino’s expression grew more enraged with every step he took, until he eventually reached Velvette’s office. “Velvette! It’s so good to see you. After all the shit I’ve dealt with this morning, ugh, you have no idea.”
Velvette glanced at the thing Val was carrying and, unpon realizing it was Vox, glared and groaned. “What’re you doing bringing that thing in here?”
“That’s no way to speak to your beloved friend and business partner!” Vox chimed in. “What happened to respecting your elders? We talked about this with Carmilla, didn’t we?”
“I’ve got no respect for some glorified iPad that tried to fuckin’ kill us all because his crusty-ass crush didn’t like him back.” Velvette said as she held out her arm and examined her nails.
“Hey, that is NOT-“
“Quiet, you!” Val yelled. He placed Vox face down on a small table nearby.
Val pinched the bridge of his (non-existent) nose, and sighed heavily. “I can not stand him, Velvette, I really can’t!”
Velvette put a hand on Valentino’s back to reassure him. “Don’t worry about him right now, look who’s here! Just in time for dress-up.” She pointed at Angel, who had just entered the room.
“Angeeeel! Baby! You made it!” Val squealed with joy.
“Yeah, well, you were pretty urgent in your text so I figured-“
Val interrupted. “That’s great, that’s darling, baby! Get over here.”
Angel all but dragged himself across the room and stood in front of Valentino. The poor spider sinner looked exhausted and depressed.
“Why the long face, sweetheart? Come on. Smile for me.” He snapped his fingers and Angel mustered up the saddest excuse for a smile he could manage.
“Much better! Now, Velvette has some things for you to try on. How do you feel about assless chaps? Because you’re gonna be wearing them.”
Meanwhile, Vox had been calling himself repeatedly with his face until the vibrations were enough to knock him onto the ground, face-up. Valentino stopped what he was doing and picked Vox up again. “Seriously? And you said I’m the one throwing a tantrum?”
“You can’t keep me hidden like this forever, you know. People will find out I’m alive and-“
“We’re not hiding you, you stupid piece of shit! We’re protecting you! If you go out there you’ll have so many targets on your head you’ll be dead before you even step out the front door!”
“Not that you even deserve it!” Velvette said as she measured Angel’s waist to make sure the costume would fit nicely. “Why don’t we just throw him in the trash or mail him somewhere that we don’t have to think about.”
“….Y’know. That might just work.” Imagine, if you will, that Valentino now had a cartoonish lightbulb above his head.
“What’re you on about?” Velvette inquired.
“Why don’t we drop him off at that shitty hotel? Let him be their problem! Then you and I will rule the entertainment district all by ourselves!”
“No!” Angel interjected. “…Please. No. Just leave the hotel alone, they don’t need this. He’s just gonna get them hurt, and I can’t let that happen!”
Val glared at the audacity Angel had to speak out of turn, and dare to defy him. “Angel, honey, he can’t do anything to them.” He held up Vox’s head and shook it around. “He doesn’t even have arms and legs. He’s harmless. Your little friends will be fine.”
“I still don’t like this at all.” Angel said sheepishly.
“Well, luckily you don’t have to like it, because it’s not your plan. Why don’t you just focus on work, yeah?” He patted Angel on the head.
“Um. Hello! Do I get a say in this?!” Vox demanded.
“Of course not!” Val laughed and Velvette joined him.
—————————————
Later that afternoon, Vox’s assistant, Ethan, stood outside the Hazbin Hotel with a rectangular cardboard box that sported the VoxTek logo in his hands. A muffled voice came from inside. “You don’t have to do this, you know! I-I’ll give you a raise! Vacation days? A promotion?!”
“I’m sorry, sir, I’m just doing my job.” Ethan said as he walked into the hotel and put the box down on the front desk.
Behind the desk was Vaggi, the hotel manager. She gave the box a suspicious glance and turned her attention to Ethan. “What’s this?”
“It’s, um. A gift. From the Vees. An apology gift.”
“Yeah, no thanks. We don’t want it.”
A flash of red spun behind the desk and was revealed to be none other than Charlie, the head counselor of the hotel and princess of Hell. “Wait, wait, wait a minute! We should hear them out! Don’t forget, Vaggi, it starts with sorry!” She booped Vaggi on the nose and smiled.
“Okay, fine, I guess we’ll..” Vaggi paused as she noticed Ethan was nowhere in sight, leaving the box abandoned with them. “Greeeaat.”
Charlie bounced up and down excitedly. “Oh boy, I wonder what it is!” She lifted the box.
“Be careful, honey, for all we know it could be a weapon or like, a swarm of murder hornets or something. Or maybe they’re trying to spy on us again.”
Charlie shook the box around and the tv-head inside groaned, which caught her so off guard she dropped the box. “Oh, SHIT!”
“Did that box just make a noise? Is it a bomb?! Holy shit they sent us a bomb!” Vaggi readied her spear out of instinct, not that it would actually help in this scenario.
Charlie picked the box back up and set it down on the table, using a pen to rip the tape and slowly open the box. What she saw next left her baffled. It was Vox’s head with a sticky note attached to it that read “PLS REDEEM ME :( “.
“What the fuck???” Charlie exclaimed as she and Vaggi stared into the box.
“Princess! Hahaaa! How’s it hanging?” Vox said as his smile gleamed up at them.