Chapter Text
The human body, by nature, is an item on this earthly plane that can succumb to the most impossible of capabilities. Yet, it is nothing without the mind that resides within it.
Simply, it is the mind that controls the body. But it is the heart that leads it. The heart that pumps blood through the veins, which enacts each and every muscle that the mind says to move.
And still, it is the nervous system that detects every single touch. The lingering of the fingers that stay on your arm after the owner of them has left.
It is the combined mix of these items that fractures the perception of one Daniela Avanzini.
In all her 21 years of life, since before Dream Academy, her dance lessons and stage presence have been done as they should. She hit every mark, danced with every partner, swayed her hips to the rhythm, and sang the lyrics beautifully.
Saying that she still doesn’t command the stage and gives the studio a run for its money would be a lie. If anything, she’s only ever grown into her abilities.
It's only evident that she's been slipping when she’s proven to be exposed to a certain Megan Skiendiel.
Daniela remembers when she first met Megan, in fact its one of her most fond memories from the start of her career. They were so excited to meet each other for the first time and exchanged hugs and laughs.
Even then, it seemed that Daniela was preceptive of Megan. And as time would tell, she got to witness the growth of their dance abilities, Megan’s “Dark Horse” eclipse, evidently rising to the high spots on the chart every week during their showcases.
Yet, it seemed that the best part of Megan during that time in their lives was her perseverance, as they all were made aware of who was going home.
It seemed, at least to Daniela, that Megan held her people in her heartstrings. And it blew her to pieces to see each of them plucked and pulled loose as those people left the stage. It ruined Megan to the core. Her energy shifted, attitude fleeting, leaving her mind blank and body motionless.
Of course, as their time on Dream Academy came to a close. So did the episodes of grief and motionlessness.
And now, as they have been thrown into the public’s eye, to their fans, critics, and haters alike, it has only strengthened the bond that secured them both to each other and to this earthly plane.
Except, it seems, that there is a divide.
There is always a catch.
One can never have all the good graces without some sort of faltering.
And it is the faltering of Daniela’s stability where she finds herself churning endlessly throughout the past month.
Over their time in the public eye since being known as Katseye, it's common knowledge that the complete media training established at first was bent to create the core of Katseye today. It's the way their followers can see more of their lives. But ever since they stopped being completely held to the responsibilities of Hybe-Geffen, Katseye was an open book.
Weverse livestreams were more common, with messages from members and social media posts that gave way to their silly personalities and group dynamics. And yes, there were the memes and the correlation of topics to each member.
But with this openness on their platforms, mixed with their personalities, there tends to be something that gets shared impulsively.
Lara was there when it happened spontaneously. The infamous Weverse livestream with her and Megan. The two of them are in a bathroom dancing and hangingout, putting on makeup.
“Happy Pride, Lara.”
“Aww, thank you, Megan. You too!”
A moment of hesitant laughter etched both of the girls.
“Should I say it?”
“Just do it. 1, 2, 3!”
“Guys, I’m coming out. I’m bisexual.”
“Oh my god! Woooo!
“Oh my god, wait. I’m just like scared now.”
“But like- you already kinda did, but you were like..”
“I was like ‘NO’”
“You were like, ‘of course.’”
“Guys, I came out on Pride Month.”
“Wooo Megan!”
“Give me that award, girl.”
“Next time she gets the ‘Blooming Impact Award-’ and hey, I’m gonna present it to you, and I’m gonna be like ‘I was the first, you are the second.”
They both laughed
“You can’t outdo the doer.”
“You can never outdo the doer. Everyone’s saying, ‘I’m proud of you, Megan.’ Thanks”
“Proud of you, Megan! Everybody say ‘We love bisexuals!’”
And while everyone has been nothing but supportive, there are still those snakes in their comments, in the side of their peripherals that sneak words of negativity at them.
Much to the other girls in Katseye, they stand with one another, support, and build their bonds. But, there is always something that eats, and Daniela isn’t sure where to place this feeling’s target.
She supposes that it’s because she can’t really support her friends the way she wishes to, maybe because she will never understand how it is to be a part of their community, someone who will face criticism head-on simply because they like someone of the same gender.
She doesn’t know what that feels like. She can only utter words of encouragement and give her girls her thoughts on how to avoid negativity or embrace the fans that share similar aspects to them.
In a way, she also feels the pressure and expectations from outsiders. And now she realizes that maybe she does know what it feels like. She’s had the same thing happen to her.
“I’m not gay… I’m not gay, guys.”
“Dani just said she's not gay.”
“Okay, enough with the gay allegations.”
“Dani’s coming out.”
“Enough?”
“Yeah. There’s people-” She was interrupted by Manon.
“Congratulations, thank you for coming out.”
“Woooo Hooo!”
Both Lara and Manon clapped in celebration.
“Guys!”
“Dani came out as straight!”
“Now you know, now you know!”
“Wow..”
“You’re so brave.”
“You are so brave. You know how many people you are gonna inspire with this?”
“I hope-” And again by Lara.
“So many little girls out there who are scared to say that they’re straight.”
“Oh, thanks, guys.”
“They’re gonna say ‘Daniela Avanzini told me it was okay to be straight!’”
“And so I am proud to be straight now.”
“Guys, be you!”
She remembers the livestream with her, Manon, and Lara. Quite ironic that Lara was there for both of them. In fact, now she knows for sure that no matter what is said online, it still impacts them, as she was constantly getting shade for simply being who she was.
Now she gets it.
Women simply can’t have shit.
Regardless of position. Hell, they are worldwide it-girls, and they still can’t be completely untouchable.
And yet, Daniela still feels touched indefinitely. There’s something different about what you can see versus what you choose to see. And most of the time, she finds herself choosing to see her fellow Kats.
But, for the past month, she’s realized that maybe she hasn’t been the only one choosing.
Megan Skiendiel is…
Well, Daniela hasn’t really figured that out yet.
But she swears that Megan’s been touchier with her more than the rest of the girls. And it's been on her mind way more. Forget about her being closer, no. Megan’s been inserting herself wherever Dani is.
On the couch? Yep, right next to her, arms tucked around the Latina’s abdomen.
In their kitchen? Also, yes, passing right behind her, her hand steady on Daniela’s shoulder blade, the taller girl taking up Daniela’s focus from her plate.
Oh, and don’t forget the time when they carpooled to the studio. Daniela’s red mustang was getting a new set of tires, so she hitched a ride with Megan, only to have the dual-cherry place her hand on her thigh as she drove her BMW.
And it's as she is recalling these moments that Daniela suddenly remembers how large Megan’s hands really are compared to the rest of the Katseye members.
She thinks about the times that Megan has simply held her hand while walking, the times that she slung her arm over Daniela’s shoulders, when she’d slip her arm into the nook of hers…
Daniela lets out a loud groan atop her bed, looking up at her and Manon’s ceiling.
“Girl- Are you good?” Manon tilts her head at the Latina, her British accent undertoning her joking manner.
She startles herself at Manon’s words, thrown out of her trance on inner turmoil.
Noticing her lack of response to her accent, Manon genuinely is concerned. “Daniela? Seriously, are you okay?”
Daniela hesitates, unsure of her position internally. She takes in a deep breath in hopes of washing away her thoughts about Megan. Realizing that her intake of more oxygen didn’t help her, she finally decides to answer Manon.
She lets out a huff of a laugh, “I honestly have no clue, Manz.”
Manon sits up on her own bed to face her, wanting to address her roommate’s sudden change. “You know that you can talk about anything to me, right? In fact, you can talk to any of us about literally anything, Dani.”
‘Maybe not Megan…’ She thinks.
“What was that?” Manon questions her.
Or, she thought that she kept it inside.
“Uhm.. It's just that- Well..” Daniela really cannot for the life of her figure out what the fuck was wrong with her. And as such, she has no idea where to even start placing words to her feelings. So Manon asking her to talk is really getting her nowhere except lost in her own space again.
She tried to minimize her thoughts about Megan once more by thinking about Jonah. She forces her eyes closed, her hands flying to her temple.
“Fuck!”
“Daniela, what!?”
“Manon, I’m going fucking insane right now. I can’t-” Her words were cut off by a choke. Salty tears now donned her face as she gave up on speaking.
Manon stood up from her place on her bed and ushered herself to Daniela’s side. She immediately wrapped her arms around her, offering a grounding presence for her emotions to take her over.
“Shhh, it's okay. I’m here, Dani.” Manon adjusted their position, and Daniela was supported more upright against Manon’s chest, her ear hovering over the Swiss’s heart.
“I’m so-” Daniela tried to breathe, her airways clogged; she could only let out a cough.
“Don’t say you’re sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for. I think that it was just your time to crack. Everyone needs to just have a good cry, y’know?” Manon gave her a squeeze.
Daniela nodded at her words, not exactly sure who she was going to say sorry to.
“You think you can breathe with me?” Manon rubbed gentle circles on Daniela’s arm with her thumb, hoping that it would help calm her down.
“Yeah.” She managed to voice.
Manon led the two of them in box breathing, “Okay, in. 1, 2, 3, and hold. 3, 2, 1, and out.”
Daniela tried her best to intake through her nose but was met with little air.
“Again, one more time.”
Regardless, she followed Manon’s words, and even with a small cough, she felt her breathing even out with her focus on counting.
“Good. Okay, how about I get you a tissue, and then we have a little heart-to-heart about whatever is going on up there, yeah?” Manon gave Daniela one last squeeze before separating them and pointing to her forehead.
“Okay.” Daniela gave her a small smile of appreciation, but now that Manon left for the bathroom, she was left in silence.
And while in theory, silence is good for a fresh breath of clarity, it is where you are found with your thoughts. There is a reason why people left alone in white rooms go insane; all they have are their thoughts to speak with themselves.
And right now, Daniela has her problem at hand in her palms and in her mind. She wants to avoid one of them, so she has to turn to the other: Jonah.
There’s nothing wrong with him. Jonah is one of the nicest and most respectful men she has ever envisioned herself with. He listens and engages himself with her and her job, while still respecting himself and her.
So why does she feel this way?
Why does she want to let him go?
Does she even want to let him go?
Something about holding onto him while feeling unattached or uninterested in him tears her in half.
She doesn’t want to lose him, but she doesn’t want to keep him so close.
And it's in this pit of back and forth that she finds the center of this pull: Megan Meiyok Skiendiel.
Daniela can hear Manon’s footsteps coming back to their room. She wipes her eyes with her sleeve as the Swiss is closing their door behind her.
“Okay, I got you tissues, and because I love you so much, I even went downstairs and got you some ice water.” She finishes with a smile.
Daniela gives her a small smile, “Thank you.”
Manon situates herself back on Daniela’s bed, handing her the glass while she places the tissues in the little space between them. “Okay, now, you don’t have to tell me everything, but give me the rundown so I know what I’m dealing with.”
Removing the edge of the glass from her lips, Daniela sets it on the nightstand and turns to Manon. “If I tell you you can’t be upset, I mean it.”
Manon sends a questioning look her way, “Why would I ever be upset over something that is clearly troubling you? I know we joke, but seriously, nothing that affects any of us is worth getting upset at or laughing at. Okay?” She reached out to put her hand on Daniela’s.
“I know rationally it would never happen, but, like.. This is-” Daniela paused.
“Big?”
She nodded.
Manon took a breath, “And that’s okay. Somethings are meant to hold weight. I suppose it's a good thing I’m here to bear some of it off of you, yeah?”
Daniela huffed a small but genuine laugh, “Yeah.”
“See, there is that smile I know my Latina Mami has!”
Daniela shook her head and flopped down on her bed, lifting her hands away from Manon’s to cover her own face.
“Okay, okay! I’ll stop!” Manon also let out a small laugh.
For a moment, neither of them spoke. Manon let the suspended conversation give an opening for Daniela to talk, but she has yet to take the invitation. And she suspects it's because Daniela still isn't sure of her own explanation for her.
“I’m here when you're ready, Dani.”
Daniela didn't know where to start. It's one thing, she supposes, to have… an awakening in itself, but to already have a boyfriend and then all of this mess, let alone that it's related to their job, and the media…
“Gosh, fuck my lifeeee.”
“Dani,” Manon stated a little seriously.
She gave one deep breath, “Okay, so this is super duper messy and totally not character for me, but it's just getting in the way of things, but it's not at the same time. Okay, that’s a lie. I think about this constantly, and I'm going completely insane because I would be lying to myself and the fans, or literally anyone in Hybe-Geffen. And-”
“Dani.” This time, Manon said her name calmly, like the waters on all the oceans suddenly stopped waving, going still.
Daniela stopped word-filling; she knew she was stalling her admission, regardless of giving context.
“Whatever is eating you up inside, you aren’t lying to Hybe, you're not lying to the Eyekons, and if anything, you’re only lying to yourself by holding everything in.” Manon looked over to her with a gentle aura.
Daniela sighed, “Okay.”
“Just start with a timeline if that helps you?”
Daniela thought about it and gave a slight nod, finding she’ll just build to it. “Jonah.”
Manon nodded, “Okay, what about him? Is this relationship drama?”
“No, not drama. I think?”
“You think?”
“Well, if anything, I’m creating the drama,” Daniela admits.
“How so?”
“Well, there’s nothing wrong with him. We’ve been together for almost two years, we’re both supporting each other, the distance is a little tough, but we make it work… He’s a great guy.” Daniela explained.
“Then why do I feel like there’s more?”
Daniela took a moment. She knew as soon as it would leave her mouth, there was no going back, not on anything. Her entire being was going to be altered.
“I just… I lost the spark. It’s not there with him anymore. It doesn’t mean I like him any less, I just, I don’t know…”
“It's just not there like it used to be.” Manon implied.
“Yeah.”
Manon took a second to form her thoughts, “Well, I think on the more positive side of things that it's not because of anything bad that would end your relationship. You simply don’t have what you used to feel about him, and that’s total- WAIT! Do you even want to end your relationship?”
“Uhhhm, see that’s where more information would be useful for you..”
“Okay, then lay it on me.”
“Um, Okay. Well, I-” Daniela paused to assure herself before continuing, “I think I lost the spark because I wasn’t finding what I have been truly craving.”
“Which is..?”
“Someone else...”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Like, someone else caught your eye, someone else, or someone else made their way into your heart, someone else..?”
“Someone else made their way into my heart and is circulating my entire body through my bloodstream, my brain thinks of them constantly, and I can’t seem to stop thinking about them every time we touch someone else.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Again, there was a suspended time in space between them, taking hold of the words that took the room around them.
“So, and you don’t have to answer this, what is this person to Jonah? Like, are they relevant to us, or like, are they underground?”
“They are very relevant, definitely an acquaintance of Jonah.”
“Okay, and if I asked you hypothetically, if you were to leave Jonah, what would your chances be with this other person?”
Daniela huffed, “I have no idea! She’s been giving me mixed signals, or maybe I’m reading too much into them? Maybe she doesn’t even like me like that. Guhh, but what if she…” Daniela slowly stopped her words from leaving her mouth, realising she just gave Manon more information, “does…”
Manon startled, eyes widening as she first registered what Daniela implied. “Dani?!”
Daniela flushed in embarrassment and turned on her side, away from Manon, facing her nightstand. Unfortunately for her, Manon lined herself up next to her and was looming over her, waiting for aknowledgement.
“Go ahead, have your freakout.”
Manon laughed, “Daniela Avanzini!! Is this real? Are you sure? I thought that you were certain about being straight?” Are you kidding me, though?!”
“Girl, I thought so too!”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I just- it’s just, when I really thought about it, I just kept thinking, and then I just never stopped thinking, she’s literally always there!” Daniela turned over to face Manon, now a little more comfortable in her accidental admission.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. And it's not even truly romantic. Well, not at first. And then I thought about what I was like with Jonah at the beginning, and it's way stronger than that. It's consuming, and then she touches me with her hands- Her hands! And it’s like I never want her to let go.”
“Girl…”
Daniela was reddening in the face, realising how much she actually did feel for Megan.
“I’m so fucked though.”
“Why?”
“I literally said on livestreams that I was straight, and to stop with the allegations. Well? Now I’m wrong, and I’ve lied to the Eyekons and the media, and I’m going to be attacked online, and who knows what Hybe thinks.” Daniela was explaining with her hands in the air, finishing, she let them fall back to her.
“Okay, first off, Hybe-Geffen knows that Megan and Lara are both open about their sexuality, and they let them, and when you said you were straight, they let you, too. I don’t see the problem there.”
Manon took a breath before continuing.
“Secondly, we all love you, our families love you, your friends love you, and the fans love you. If or when you do decide to share this part of yourself, you will have your people to support you. And, if there are fans that have things to say, then they aren’t true fans, and they can fuck off.”
Daniela looked to Manon, her eyes glossy with emotion, “Are you sure?”
Manon leaned forward to place a kiss on her forehead, “Of course, I’m sure, Dani. I just need to make sure that you're sure.”
“Thank you,” She grabbed Manon and pulled herself closer, clinging to her, her small smile hidden by the Swiss’s shirt.
“Now, don’t have to answer this either, do you know what label you’d put yourself into exactly? Like, of course, no pressure, but does Jonah, or the thought of a man completely not spark anything for you anymore?” Manon asked.
“Uh, I mean, I still can see myself with a guy. I have no problem with it, it’s just that she’s all-consuming.” Daniela supplies.
“Okay, so bisexual then?”
“I guess so.”
“Okay.”
Manon was about to ask another question for Daniela to potentially answer when their bedroom door opened.
“Hey, Manon, Dani? We’re about to order food. What are you guys thinking sounds good? Oh. Are we doing cuddle time? Can I join? Nevermind, don’t answer that, I’m going to join anyway!”
Daniela stilled.
“Move over, Dani, you too, Manon.”
“Girl, there's room next to me, you don't have to make both of us scooch over.” Manon shook her head disapprovingly at Megan.
“But I want to be next to Dani,” She said with a little pout.
“Oh, so I’m thrown to the side, Megs? I see how it is.” Manon complained but still moved over for the all-rounder.
Megan made herself comfortable next to Daniela, her hands reaching around her waist, her chin just coming to rest against the top of her shoulder blade.
“There! It’s a Daniela sandwich… Oh, should we get sandwiches from somewhere for lunch?”
“Fine with me, honestly..” Manon answered.
Daniela stayed quiet; their voices were drowned out by a sense of tunnel vision, focusing on how close Megan was to her. She glanced downwards at her stomach, studying Megan’s hand placement, then slowly moved one hand off of Manon to grab one of Megan’s. She interlocked their fingers, but not before she observed Megan’s painted nails, a slim shimmer catching the natural light from the window.
Manon watched as Daniela did this; she felt the loss of her right arm from her abdomen. She followed her hand as she came to grab Megan’s. She then looked from their now intertwined hands to Daniela, finding her gaze focused on their hands, she took the opportunity to study Daniela’s face.
She saw how Daniela became hesitant in her smile, almost as if she was unsure if what she was doing was okay with her, but the movement was welcomed. She studied how Daniela’s eyes were transfixed on Megan’s grasp on her. She could tell there was a wave of contentment that fell over the Latina.
Manon could tell there was a change in her. Now, was it because she finally let the air know she liked women, or was there more to it? Manon couldn’t be sure.
“Guys!” Sophia yelled from the bottom of the stairs.
“Yeah?” Megan yelled back.
“You were supposed to ask what they wanted, Megan!”
“Well, I was distracted! But I still asked!”
“Okay, and what are we feeling is the vibe?”
“Just get like sandwiches from somewhere!”
There was a small pause before Sophia yelled back, “Okay!”
“We should probably get up and go downstairs anyway,” Manon spoke aloud.
Daniela nodded from her spot in between the two of them, “Yeah. I don’t even think that Sophia knows what we want on our sandwiches.”
And so the three of them got up, Megan took the lead in stride, leaving Daniela and Manon to follow.
“Hey, Dani,” Manon asked for her attention one last time.
“Yeah?”
“You know that I’m always here for you.”
“Yeah, of course. Thank you.”
Daniela started making her way to the door, but paused just before she stepped into the hall. “I’ll think about this for a bit, but there is more to say. I’m just… scared.”
Manon walked over to meet her in the doorway, “And that’s something we can handle together, okay?”
Daniela nodded, “Yeah. Together.”