Chapter Text
It was early morning in the MARS dorm and everyone was filtering out of their rooms to get breakfast, shower and prepare for the day.
Thame was sitting on the floor near the couch, looking very concentrated on something. A guitar in his hands, papers and pens strewn all around him. His glasses on. A couple of half empty mugs filled with either tea or coffee, no one could really tell anymore, left on the small table.
“Jeez, Thame, did you even go to bed last night?” Was the first thing Jun said that day as he entered the living room, his voice half teasing half concerned. He approached the singer and sat on the couch next to him waiting for an answer.
Thame, however, didn’t even bother to reply. In his defense, though, Jun wasn’t sure if Thame even existed on the same realm as the rest of them right now.
“He’s in the ‘zone’, whatever that means,” Pepper supplied and also made his way to sit on one of the beanbags.
“Is he working on our new comeback?” Nano piped up, coming in from the kitchen with Dylan trailing behind. The two of them also occupying their usual seats, Nano on the couch next to Jun, and Dylan on the last beanbag next to Per.
“No way, that’s my job,” Dylan reminded them with a huff. “This one here is being your typical lover boy and trying to compose a love song for P’Po.”
After those words everyone in the room was smirking and swooning, so Thame decided it was impossible to keep ignoring them anymore. How did Dylan do that all the time was beyond him.
“P’Juuunn,” he started whining to the closest body next to him, wrapping his arms around Jun’s legs like a clingy koala. “Why can’t I write this?” his voice was so pitiful Jun almost had tears in his eyes. Almost.
“Ai’Thame,” he tried to free his limbs that Thame was holding hostage, but to no avail. “You’re one of the t-pop prodigies of our generation, I don’t know why you can’t finish a song for your boyfriend.”
Thame took a minute to think about it and come up with an explanation.
“There are just so many things I want to tell him with this song, and I don’t understand how to arrange it all together so it makes sense and sounds good at the same time,” the frustration in his voice was palpable.
Before Jun could come up with an answer, Dylan spoke up in a deadpan voice.
“You do know you don’t have to pour all the feelings you have for the guy into one single song, right?”
That made Thame slowly turn his head and stare at his bandmate as if he grew an extra head or two.
“Nope, he definitely didn’t think of that,” Pepper helpfully deduced from the look on Thame’s face.
Nano let out a sound of being absolutely done with their most oblivious member, muttering something like “I don’t get paid nearly enough for this”, while pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Thame,” Dylan began again leaning forward, “You don’t have to stuff every emotion you feel into one song,” his voice was calm and level, he knew Thame was a good songwriter but sometimes he could get carried away, when he was feeling too much and his thoughts were more like a violent whirlwind than a smooth breeze.
“And even if you somehow manage to do that, it’ll be overwhelming for him. Just keep to a few basic but profound lines that show your true feelings and add a pleasant melody to that. And then if you still feel like it’s not enough, you can always turn a single into an album, right?” he finished with a playful shove to Thame’s shoulder.
“It feels like you talk from experience,” Nano commented in a saccharine voice, but no one followed up on that already used to his teasing. But Dylan still shot him a glare.
“That’s actually good advice,” Jun sounded a little impressed. “Listen to our main producer, Thame.”
“Thanks, P’Dylan, I think I get what you mean. I’ll try to leave the most important lines in for now,” Thame said and went back to scribbling in his notebook and humming a little tune.
After that the peace and calm of everyone minding their own business fell over the room, but no one was surprised when it didn’t last long.
Jun let out a very loud sigh and it turned some heads towards him.
“I feel happy for P’Po, but I’m kinda jealous now,” after this everyone’s attention was on him. Without thinking much on his next words or what they might lead to, he simply continued.
“Must be nice, to have someone writing love songs about you.”
To Jun, he didn’t say anything weird.
To the rest of the group, it felt like witnessing a car crash in real time with no way to stop it.
The room stilled. Jun looked around confused when no one said anything. Thame and Nano were looking at Dylan for some reason, while Pepper was shaking his head as if bracing for impact. Dylan...
Dylan looked pale and defeated. Like Jun’s words punched the last bit of air out of his lungs. But mere seconds later it turned into a much more familiar anger.
Jun didn’t even get to ask what was happening when Dylan suddenly stood up from his seat and stormed out heading towards his room and slamming the door shut.
“What the-? What did I even do this time?” Jun was utterly confused, but no one provided an answer, acting like Dylan’s reaction was very much expected and within norm, like no one but Jun needed an explanation for his behavior. It made Jun uncomfortable in his skin.
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Everyone was still suspended in the living room, no one dared to say a word since Dylan’s dramatic escape and Jun’s brain was overheating trying to figure out what just happened. He looked around trying to catch someone’s eyes and coax an explanation out of them but the rest were skillfully avoiding his efforts. That just made him feel even worse. Like everyone was mad at him and he had no idea how to fix that.
However, not even five minutes later all of them once again heard a loud bang of the door followed by approaching angry footsteps.
Everyone looked up when Dylan stepped back into the room. He was panting, eyes wild, hands clutching several notebooks close to his chest. While the rest slightly tilted their heads back to stare at Dylan, the rapper’s attention was locked solely on Jun. This only made Jun feel even more guilty. He was used to an angry Dylan, and knew exactly how to deal with him is such a state. But right now, whatever this was, felt much more than just anger. Something that’s been simmering for years and finally reached a boiling point.
Dylan made two precise steps towards the couch, still careful to avoid some stationery and Thame on the floor. Reaching Jun he, without a second thought, released all the notebooks he was holding to crash land on Jun’s lap. The weight was enough to slightly hurt, but Jun still didn’t look away from Dylan trying to understand the emotion behind his eyes even a little bit.
He didn’t think it would happen today nor like this, but Dylan has reached his breaking point. He was done. Done pretending he doesn’t feel anything. He was so tired of these unbidden feelings that have been swirling inside him for years that he couldn’t keep it in anymore. And the brilliant idea to deal with them was to just dump all the evidence right onto Jun’s lap and let him handle the fallout.
He didn’t even care that much anymore. All this time he kept fooling himself, that maybe somehow one day his obtuse bandmate would see all the hints, all the frustration, and finally understand. Sometimes it felt like maybe he already did and was teetering the line just like Dylan, but both of them were too much of a coward to actually do something about it.
But obviously it was all in Dylan’s head, and Jun stayed just as oblivious as his best friend could sometimes be. But at this point even Thame was aware of Dylan tragic feelings. Of course he was. He’s seen the songs, was present while some of those were being written, occasionally gave feedback when Dylan was in one of his better moods. Some days Dylan felt like pretty much everyone and their cousin knew about his unrequited feelings. All except one. The one.
And so, the last remark broke something in Dylan that was already hanging on by a thread. If Jun wanted love songs being written about him so much, Dylan would give him love songs. All of them. So much that Jun could choke on them for all Dylan cared.
And just like that he dumped the journals. Some old, some new, not every page was filled with lyrics about Jun, but most. Enough even for a brick wall to understand, hopefully.
Dylan made sure their eyes were locked together.
“I hate you so fucking much,” he spit out and without waiting a beat stomped back into his room, leaving the four remaining boys stunned at the display.
The heavy silence didn’t last long, even though everyone had to catch the breath they were holding until the final crushing sound of the shutting door.
“What just happened?” Jun asked lacking the usual volume in his voice.
“I can’t believe he actually did that,” Thame said more to himself and rubbed his hands on his face.
Thame has seen those notebooks before, and more importantly what’s in them. When they first became close and Dylan started showing him his works and sharing ideas Thame was infinitely curious about who Dylan had as the main source of inspiration. But judging by the heavy lyrics of frustrations and secret love, Thame never pushed for an answer and allowed Dylan to keep this part of himself hidden, hoping one day he will open up.
But with time some things that might’ve been written off as coincidences happened one too many times and when Thame made an absent-minded only half-serious remark about it being Jun, Dylan didn’t deny it.
They never talked about it openly, not really. More like they had an understanding of why Dylan had his mood swings and exactly because of whom. Whenever Jun said something dumb or unknowingly upset Dylan with his actions, Thame would always make sure he was okay. Holed up in his studio scribbling in one of those notebooks till dawn, but still okay.
Pepper and Nano also caught up with time. It was actually pretty obvious from an outsider’s point of view, especially when the five of them practically spend all of their days together. All subtle attempts to make the two of them face those feelings were futile, though. When Nano started pushing his shipping agenda, no one stopped him. Thame hoped that would be enough for Jun to at least start questioning the possibility and maybe finally notice Dylan’s tragic feelings, but alas. His best friend was too blind to realize something so simple.
But it didn’t matter now, because all the evidence, all the sleepless nights and used up ink were right there on Jun’s lap. The truth was heartbreakingly simple: while Jun was jealous that Thame was writing a single love song for Po, there were dozens already written about him.
“Jun,” Thame looked up at the boy who sat still with a storm brewing behind his eyes, waiting for an explanation from anyone. “I highly suggest you start going through all those,” he gestured at the journals, “And don’t take too long, yeah? He’s waited enough.”
His tone left no room for arguments or follow up questions. Jun took a moment to process and replied with a curt nod.
“I’ll- I’ll be in my room,” he carefully gathered all the notebook, holding them close to his chest, and left the living room without sparing a glance for anyone else.
His thoughts were a mess, the feeling in his chest heavy. No matter how much he pretended not to understand what’s going on, deep down he knew. Of course he did, how could he not. He just never wanted to face it, believing that with sufficient time Dylan would simply get over those feelings and they’ll never have to bring it up. But that wasn’t an option anymore.
Dylan didn’t leave him a choice. He had to face the music now. The music written about him.