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Anton isn’t fond of physical touch.
He still remembers the first time he felt the creeping cold that coursed through his body when a friend held his hand. They were ten. He didn’t know how to explain why he felt that way. He saw his friend’s eyes glisten with tears because he pulled his hand away from his hold rather aggressively. Guilt immediately washed over him, and he apologized.
It was the first time, and it did not stop happening after that.
His life had never been the same. His interactions with people lessened even more. It made him some sort of a recluse if you may.
Anton avoids being in contact with people as if it is some contagious disease. He keeps handshakes to a minimum, resists the urge to break away from hugs from his relatives, and tries not to sit too closely whenever he is in a public place.
That is how Anton lived his life.
And then Sungchan came along.
His friends know he doesn’t like being touched. His classmates know he does not like being touched. All the people who know him know he does not like being touched.
But Sungchan does not.
He is new in town and only knows a couple of people in school.
Anton only knows him through Shotaro, their resident social butterfly, who knows everyone.
He never expected to know Sungchan more than an acquaintance. He likes to keep his circle as small as possible. Wonbin and Sohee are already too much for him to handle so he figures that is enough for him.
No one told Anton that Sungchan is one persistent person.
Every morning, he sees him by the gates interacting with anyone and everyone. It is hard not to notice him when he is seven feet tall and is shining brighter than the sun. He is all smiles and laughter, and it makes Anton think how someone can be like that in a place that is completely new to them.
When Sungchan sees him, he bids his goodbye to whoever he is talking to so that he can go to Anton, put his arm around his shoulders, and greet him a good morning.
At first, Anton still tries to gently push him away. Sungchan does not know anything about him, and he is not about to share something that is personal with someone he just met. So, he thought he could subtly give him hints to not touch him. But his hints seem to fly over Sungchan’s head.
It keeps on happening over and over that Anton ultimately gives up.
His friends asked him one time, “Why not just tell him you don’t want to be touched like that?”
He does not remember the exact words he said but they left his friends in confusion, for sure. Because Anton dislikes being touched.
Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned into months.
What Anton thought would be a temporary thing became a routine—Sungchan waiting for him by the gates, an arm around his shoulders and a morning greeting. It grew on him so much that he does not realize that he is starting to feel comfortable under his hold.
The things that Anton does not notice; his friends do.
Sohee asked him at lunch if he was okay with being touched now. Anton knows it himself that he isn’t.
In class, he still flinches a bit at the slightest touch, at the mere brushing of their fingers. He tells Sohee all these and his friend only hums in curiosity.
“How come Sungchan holds you so freely and it seems like you’re okay with it?”
It is the only time Anton becomes aware of it. Sungchan has become a constant in his everyday life and he fails to notice the changes that it brought.
He does not know if Sohee noticed the panic that quickly enveloped his whole being at the realization, because a million things already flooded his brain on how he can avoid Sungchan the next morning so that he can process what is happening.
If Anton thought that it would be easy to avoid him, he is wrong again.
He does not have time to think about anything that his friend made him realize. Now that he thinks about it, he does not feel repulsed that Sungchan’s standing too close to him for comfort nor is he feeling the urge to push him away.
Before Anton could even come to terms with everything that is happening between him and Sungchan, he finds himself in Sungchan’s apartment, lounging casually on his couch, sitting in between his legs and the taller’s arms around his waist.
If Anton from almost a year ago would see him like that, he would think that it is absurd.
Because how crazy it must be to go from hating to be touched to being held so closely like this?
“Anything wrong?” Sungchan asks when he shuffles on his seat. He's only trying to find a more comfortable position because two grown ass men hugging like this isn’t the most comfortable.
He shakes his head, a small smile on his face. “My legs are just numb.”
Anton is a little too calm.
When Sungchan invited him over for movie night, he thought it would be a normal one. The TV on and them sitting side by side on the couch. Because that’s how it should be, right?
Anton settled himself first since Sungchan told him so. But Sungchan crawling his way behind him and placing Anton in between his legs like that wasn’t something that crossed his mind.
His thoughts go back to Sohee’s question to him. “Are you okay with being touched now?”
He remembers telling him that he still isn’t. Back then, he panicked when realization dawned on him that someone had become too close to him, that he made his way to Anton’s life and he isn’t aware of it.
If he’s asked about it now, he will have a different answer for sure. Anton admits that he is still far from being okay but Sungchan makes him feel better about it at least.
Sungchan pulls him out of his thoughts when he tightens his arms around his waist, his chin resting on Anton’s shoulder.
This is what he means when Sungchan makes him feel better. He doesn’t feel the need to remove his arms around him or push him away because he shudders just at the thought of their skins touching.
It is hard to understand why it is the way it is, why it has to be Sungchan of all people. It is really strange how someone he just met could become so close in such a short time.
He is okay with his parents; he is okay with Sohee and Wonbin.
There’s slight repulsion with his classmates, a complete detachment from strangers.
They said it was phobia.
Anton doesn’t really know.
But having another person he is comfortable being this close with feels nice. Sungchan makes him feel like there is nothing wrong with him.
“Should we watch another movie? Is it boring?”
He feels his warm breath fanning his skin, instinctively, Anton leans into it. Soft lips touch his smooth skin, he basks in the comfort it brings.
It’s the first time Anton lets himself be washed away in his own emotions and feelings. He is always guarded—cautious. And it is liberating to be like this. Even if it is to just one person.
All of a sudden, Anton removes himself from Sungchan, facing the other as a thought comes into mind.
“Can you answer a question as honestly as possible?”
Sungchan, although confused, nods. He doesn’t know why it seems like a serious topic. “O-kay? I’ll try.”
“Why are you hugging me?”
If Sungchan doesn’t know Anton, he will think that he is tripping him. But this is Anton.
His Anton.
The Anton he tried so hard to be close to even if Shotaro told him that it was going to be hard.
The same Anton who brushed him off a million times because he was being too clingy for someone he barely knew.
Also, that Anton who always got annoyed by him for being too close because he didn’t like being touched.
From the very beginning, Sungchan had his eyes set on him. He doesn’t know how long he bugged Shotaro to introduce him to his friend. He doesn’t know how many people he talked to every morning just so he could have a reason to seem like he was just there by chance when he gets to school.
Sungchan knows that he may have come off a little too aggressive in his ways. But it’s always Anton’s well-being that he prioritized. When he feels that he’s a little too much, when he feels him flinching when he’s near, Sungchan backpedals.
It’s not that he didn’t know about his condition, of course he tried to get as much information on him from Shotaro as much as he could. He’s the only one he can ask without looking like a total creep. He took note of everything he said and made sure to remember each one of them.
That's why Anton’s question, instead of being offended by it, makes him burst into a fit of laughter. Because how could someone ask that with a straight face, and after being in that position for some time now.
Sungchan’s laughter only starts to die down when he feels Anton’s elbow nudging his stomach and his questioning eyes looking back at him. He wipes the tears that formed in his eyes as he tries to compose himself.
“I don’t know if you’re serious about your question—”
“Of course, I’m serious. You've been hugging me since earlier.”
“And I wonder why I’m hugging you. Maybe I just want to?” Sungchan teases, knowing full well there might be consequences he wouldn’t like with how he’s testing how much he can take his teasing.
Anton frowns and then he completely removes himself from Sungchan because he’s starting to feel his sides aching from bending sideways just so he can look at him.
Sungchan thought he would be occupying the seat next to him, yet all Anton did was turn around. He pushes the other’s legs together so that he can straddle him, hands resting on his shoulders.
Where Anton got the courage, or even the thought, to do it he doesn’t know. All he knows right now is that he’s comfortable and happy. And he can finally be close to someone like this so can anyone really blame him?
A chuckle escapes Sungchan’s lips when their position finally sinks in. Anton is too innocent for his own good and it’s so hard for Sungchan to keep his hands to himself, so he lets his instincts take over. He places his hands on his waist to keep Anton in place.
“Why are you straddling me?”
Anton realizes that the Sungchan is mocking him. It's his version of his question earlier, so he replies to him the same way. He shrugs, “Maybe I just want to?”
Sungchan squeezes his sides after that, tilting his head to the side. “If I kiss you, can I also say it’s only because I want to?”
“What if I punch you after you kiss me?”
“Is that a threat?”
But before Sungchan could react, Anton already placed a soft kiss on his lips, and it felt like it ended before it even started.
“That wasn’t so bad,” Anton comments, seemingly proud of what he did.
“Was that a kiss?”
“What else would that be? My lips touched yours. It is a kiss.”
Sungchan couldn’t believe that his first kiss with the person he likes ends up that way. He doesn’t really mind first kisses, but he wants it to be decent, at least.
“Let me show you what a real kiss is.”
Anton is quick to cover Sungchan’s lips with his hands when he starts to lean in, shaking his head. “That’s enough for today.” He hasn’t kissed anyone and he doesn’t want Sungchan to have a bad first kiss with him so he opts to stop him instead.
“What?”
“Only one kiss a day.”
“But that’s barely a kiss!” Sungchan almost whines.
“Only one kiss,” Anton says stubbornly.
Sungchan falls on the back of the couch, exasperated. “I can’t believe you.”
Anton laughs and lets his body fall on top of Sungchan, his head resting on his shoulder and his arms draped at the back of the couch.
“I like your hugs, you know?” he confesses. The warmth of Sungchan’s body can be felt through their clothes.
Anton hasn’t felt this in so long. His parents are barely home so hugs are hard to come by. His friends aren’t really the type to be clingy. They also know Anton isn’t comfortable with it so they limit their skinship. So feeling this for the first time in forever brings a different sense of comfort and contentment.
“You’re annoying but you give good hugs.”
Heat creeps up his cheeks as those words left his lips. He buries his face on the crook of Sungchan’s neck to hide. He's not used to saying things like this, but he thinks Sungchan deserves to know he is okay with it.
“Will you let me keep hugging you then?”
Sungchan didn’t think he will hear those words from Anton. Especially not when they are like this. It feels like he really did something for him, and it makes him all warm and fuzzy.
Anton’s arms snake around Sungchan and he nods, humming. “If you promise me that you won’t stop, then I guess that’s okay.”
If you ask Anton from a few months ago if he ever thinks there will come a time that he will be that close to someone else, he will tell you that it is absurd. And the Anton from now would have laughed at him because how could he have not thought about it when it brings you immense joy being close to someone you hold dear?
Anton may not have thought about it before, but it’s all he’s going to be thinking now.
“I'll hug you for as long as you let me, don’t worry.”
Sungchan, Anton thinks, is really annoying. Because after he said those, he leans in to kiss him full on the lips, slow, soft and something he made sure Anton will definitely crave for.