Chapter Text
Joker took the rear, his eyes scanning the shadows of Mementos as he covered their retreat. He sharply raised a hand, clenching his fist.
"Move ahead," his voice rang out clearly. "Queen and I will stay here in case they bring backup."
The other Phantom Thieves exchanged nods and pressed on down the gloomy corridor, their silhouettes soon swallowed by the foggy, shifting distance. The moment the echo of their footsteps faded, Ren turned to Makoto.
She had already leaned back, casually propped against her motorcycle — the majestic, blue-flame-wreathed Johanna.
"You’re sure the mic’s off?" she asked, the usual sternness gone from her voice. It was quieter, half a tone lower, colored with a light, almost intimate trust.
"Yeah," he replied softly, running a finger along the edge of his headset. "They can’t hear us."
Makoto nodded, and her shoulders relaxed by a barely perceptible fraction.
"Good. Wouldn’t want our flirting going public."
"Impossible," Ren stepped closer, a clear smile stretching his lips beneath the mask.
With one fluid motion, Makoto shifted and moved her leg, clearing a space on Johanna’s seat directly in front of her. Ren, without hesitation, sat down opposite, their knees almost touching.
"By the way," Ren scratched the back of his head sheepishly, "Johanna doesn’t mind me… you know, riding her?"
"I think she likes it as much as I do," Makoto answered, a hint of playfulness in her tone. "She is my Persona, after all."
"Sorry for the delicate question, Queen…" Ren moved even closer, closing the distance to a minimum. His voice dropped, growing slightly husky. "You don’t happen to have anyone in mind you’d like… to ride, do you?"
"I do," she gasped with feigned outrage and lightly poked the tip of his nose. "He’s arrogant, smug, and insolent to the core."
"But you like guys like that, right?" Ren’s eyes sparkled mischievously from behind his mask.
"No," her reply was instant, firm, and without a shadow of doubt. "I like only him."
She paused for a couple of seconds, watching as his smirk softened into something warmer and more serious, then changed the subject, her tone becoming slightly businesslike again.
"Speaking of which, Joker, I’ve noticed something. Lately, you’ve been suspiciously often letting me go first when we’re crawling through vents."
"The Queen should lead her loyal soldiers from the front, no?" he spread his hands, the picture of innocence.
"I think it’s much simpler," she shook her head, and he saw clearly how her lips stretched into a triumphant smile.
She’s caught me red-handed again, flashed through Ren’s mind with a mix of panic and admiration. Just like in the student council room when she figured out I was a Phantom Thief.
"You see, Your Majesty," he bowed his head with comic deference, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "The thing is… I love staring at your ass."
"Off with your head!" Makoto exclaimed, and her gloved hand traced a short, precise arc, lightly chopping the side of his neck as if with a blade. But laughter, bright and happy, was already breaking through her stern mask.
"If the last thing I see before my execution is the sight of your beautiful eyes, then I accept my fate," he countered, his voice quieter now, sincere, stripped of all jest.
"How little it takes to make some people happy," she whispered, and her gloved hand came to rest on his chest.
"For complete happiness, I’m only missing one thing…"
He didn’t get to finish. Makoto pulled him sharply by the collar, forcing him to lean down, and her lips crashed into his. It wasn’t a gentle kiss, but a passionate, hungry one, full of the fire they so carefully hid from everyone. The wet, desperate sound of it echoed loudly off the stone walls of the empty Mementos corridor.
When they finally broke apart, she whispered, breathing heavily and unevenly:
"Happy now?"
"More than," Ren exhaled, his own breath just as ragged. He pressed his forehead to hers, careful not to let their masks clack together.
"Hey, Joker," her voice became temptingly quiet again. "Thinking what I’m thinking?"
He drew back to look into her eyes, genuine astonishment in his gaze.
"No way. You want to do it here? Now?"
"Scared, leader?" Makoto challenged, her eyes burning with such daring and excitement it stole his breath.
"Not in a million years," he shot back, almost reflexively, his hands moving to her hips, gripping them firmly over the smooth material of her suit.
They moved with the synchrony honed in hundreds of Metaverse expeditions. Almost simultaneously, they ran their hands over the fastenings on their pants, and the sections of fabric at their groins — as if obeying Metaverse magic — simply dissolved, vanishing without a trace to reveal bare skin.
Makoto leaned back, settling against Johanna’s warm metal. Ren, not wasting a second, positioned himself over her. He entered her with one slow, sure stroke, and they both stilled for a moment, savoring the fullness of their joining.
Makoto let out a muffled, appreciative moan, her neck arching, her gloved fingers digging into his shoulders.
Meanwhile, the Phantom Thieves, now deprived of both their leaders, stood huddled in a narrow corridor nearby, pressed against the cold walls. They had just spotted the strange, pulsating Shadow — the very person written about on their secret forum — and were frozen, waiting for orders.
"Where did Joker and Queen vanish to this time?" Ryuji whispered, shifting nervously from foot to foot. "Feels like we don’t even need anyone covering our rear."
"Calm down, Skull," Ann shushed him, though a hint of worry tinged her own voice. "If Joker thought it was the right call, there’s a reason. And this infiltration isn’t super tough anyway. Maybe they’re just… discussing team strategy. Like two leaders do."
"Joker, come in," Futaba said into her mic, cozy inside Prometheus. Her fingers flew across holographic interfaces. "We’ve located the suspect. Awaiting further instructions…"
She didn’t finish. Through her headphones — and through the headphones of the entire team — came a soft but distinct sound: a muffled, unmistakably female sigh of pleasure, followed by a low, approving, and painfully familiar male chuckle.
"You’re sure the mic’s off?" Makoto’s flustered voice asked.
"Yeah. They can’t hear us."
"Good. Wouldn’t want our flirting going public."
"Impossible. By the way, Johanna doesn’t mind me… riding her?"
A deathly silence fell over the thieves. Ryuji stood frozen, mouth agape. Ann and Haru exchanged wide-eyed glances.
"Oh-ho-ho…" Haru whispered. "I think we have… a live feed."
"Okay, guys, little explanation…" Futaba mumbled over the general channel. "Looks like our leader hit the wrong button — he didn’t turn off his mic; he turned off his headset. So, he can’t hear us, but we can hear him…"
The broadcast continued.
"I think she likes it as much as I do. She is my Persona, after all."
"Sorry for the delicate question, Queen…" Ren’s voice grew even more playful and cocky. "You don’t happen to have anyone in mind you’d like to… ride, do you?"
Morgana, hearing this, just sighed and rubbed his face with a paw.
"This guy never changes…" he muttered.
"I do. He’s arrogant, smug, and insolent to the core."
"But you like guys like that, right?"
"No. I like only him."
Ann couldn’t help it; she let out a quiet gasp, pressing her palms to her burning cheeks.
"My god… They’re… they’re…" She couldn’t find the words.
Yusuke stood with his eyes closed, face turned to the ceiling. He nodded slowly with the air of a true connoisseur having found profound meaning in an unexpected piece of art.
"Guys, maybe we should… turn this off?" Ann tried to interject, her voice trembling with laughter and embarrassment. "This is really, really private…"
Makoto’s voice came through again, now with a light, playful chide:
"Speaking of which, Joker, I’ve noticed something. Lately, you’ve been suspiciously often letting me go first when we’re crawling through vents."
"The Queen should lead her loyal soldiers from the front, no?"
"I think it’s much simpler."
"You see, Your Majesty. The thing is… I love staring at your ass."
There was a sound of a light slap and Makoto’s muffled, faux-angry grumble:
"Off with your head!"
"If the last thing I see before my execution is the sight of your beautiful eyes, then I accept my fate."
"How little it takes to make some people happy."
"For complete happiness, I’m only missing one thing…"
A deafening, sticky pause followed, and then — the distinct, wet sound of a long, passionate kiss.
Ryuji let out a groan that sounded nearly mortal and leaned his forehead against the cold wall.
"I… I can’t listen to this," he moaned.
"Happy now?" came Makoto’s quiet, breathless voice.
"More than," Ren replied, breathing just as heavily.
"Hey, Joker, thinking what I’m thinking?"
"No way. You want to do it here? Now?"
"Scared, leader?"
"Not in a million years."
After that, the headphones erupted into a cacophony that left no doubt about what they were doing. Makoto’s stifled moans, interspersed with her own short, encouraging cries:
"Yes… just like that…"
Ren’s heavy, ragged breathing. Hoarse, filthy whispers:
"You’re so tight… Even after everything we’ve done..."
The characteristic, rhythmic creak of leather suits. The sounds were so explicit that an atmosphere of collective paralysis and acute, burning shame for their own curiosity hung in the corridor.
Sumire was perhaps the most shocked. She stood with her eyes fixed on the floor, her cheeks blazing crimson. Her heart clenched with a sharp, familiar pang. Ren had only recently — gently but firmly — turned down her feelings, saying his heart was already taken. She had accepted it, respecting his choice.
But she could never have imagined that the chosen one, the one who occupied his thoughts and heart, was her serious, strict, and incredibly respected Niijima-senpai — the head of the student council.
"Guys…" Futaba suddenly said in a trembling voice, looking up from her screens. Her own face was scarlet. "Has everyone… has everyone turned off their headsets? Because this is… kind of wrong…"
"Yes! Of course!" the Phantom Thieves chorused, too loudly and hastily. But their flushed faces, avoiding each other’s eyes, and the fact that no one reached for a volume control made it obvious — they were still listening. Mesmerized, embarrassed, shocked.
And it was at that very moment, as if Fate itself decided to put a definitive end to this impromptu audio drama, that Makoto’s hoarse, wet whisper, full of absolute trust, came through the headphones:
"Joker… come on my face."
And Ren’s immediate, devoted and passion-filled reply:
"As my Queen commands."
For a few seconds, the feed was filled with sounds even more indecent and wet than before, and then — silence.
A tomb-like silence also fell in the Mementos corridor, broken only by the distant, indifferent hum of distorted reality and the heavy breathing of five young people (and one cat) who had just borne witness to… something incredibly scandalous.
"Well then," Futaba was the first to break the silence, her voice shaking as she tried to sound utterly serious. "This channel’s… uh… broadcast is over. Returning to… mission, I suppose..."
"That was… very… explicit," Haru remarked, still slightly flushed, but with sparks of understanding and even a warm happiness for her friends dancing in her eyes besides the embarrassment. "And, you know, in a way… insanely romantic."
"It was even somewhat… sublime," Yusuke commented. "Passion breaking through realities, a genuine teenage rebellion against restrictions and conventions."
"Yeah, I feel like I need some brain bleach," Ryuji groaned, sliding down the wall into a near-sitting position.
Sumire finally raised her eyes. They held a complex mix of feelings: pain from an old wound, embarrassment, and surprise.
"So…" she began quietly, "Joker and Queen are… a couple now? Why were they hiding it from us?"
Ann sighed, deeply and sympathetically, and put a hand on the gymnast’s shoulder.
"Violet, sweetie," she said softly. "Believe me, we have no idea."
"We are all just as bewildered as you are," Yusuke confirmed. "It seems they were devilishly good at keeping secrets."
"Honestly…" Haru drawled, and a spark of sudden insight flashed in her eyes. "That… actually explains a lot. Their constant ‘study sessions’ and ‘strategy meetings’ alone…" she bit her lip thoughtfully. "It’s amazing how they managed to hide something so significant right under our noses."
And when Ren and Makoto, completely composed and serious, rejoined the team a few minutes later, they had no idea that their most intimate secret had just received a very noisy and unwanted public airing among their closest friends.
And they certainly didn’t suspect that a very, very serious and awkward conversation awaited them all in the very near future.