Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

A loud bell would normally ring the moment before class started.

But today, I was somehow early,

I had things to do,

I walk down the hallway, the noise hitting me all at once-lockers slamming, people talking over each other, shoes scraping against the floor. I keep my head forward, slipping past everyone without really looking at them. My bag shifts on my shoulder, trying not to bump into anyone as I move through the crowd.

For just a second, I stared at the floor I walked on.

Each step in a hall like this felt distant yet suffocating at the same time.

Every morning for five days straight, I'd have to return to this hell hole. Repeat a cycle that seems to never reach its end.

Every movement made me feel even more isolated from everyone else.

Every person that's already found a group they are accepted in.

Every person who's found a club they could show off in what they excel in.

Every person who fits at least somewhere in this judgemental society.

Meanwhile, I'm just me.

Not really fitting anywhere,

Just... existing.

But, it's not bad. Not horrible.

Compared to anytime before I decided to study here...

Before I could lift my head up-

"Argh!-"

I bumped into someone, causing them to fall back with a small thud.

"My bad!- shit- SORRY I.."

Their bag fell off their shoulder, books flying across the floor.

My arms flew around aimlessly, picking up his books out of shere panic, apologising like it was my sole purpose in life.

They just stared, and that didn't help for my self-esteem at all.

"S-sorry, sorry.. here you go.." I shoved all the books into his bag without a second thought on what I'd accidentally crumble inside there. But once I did, it was too late anyway.

They laughed softly as they slowly picked themselves up. "It's okay," they said, his voice dipped low, soft enough to make me forget how a conversation works for a moment.

"Ahhhhhahh... my- my bad.. I just.." As I tried to form words, I glanced up at them for a moment-

A boy,

His silky white hair fell into a loose side ponytail tied in a green bow, each strand glimmering like spun light.

A forgiving smile graced his lips-so gentle it felt like it wasn't even meant for me.

And his eyes... a quiet grey, unassuming at first glance, yet impossibly captivating, as if that simple colour held something deeper to the point it was impossible to look away from.

"It's alright." He stood up, reaching out; his hand hovering between us-patient, unhurried-waiting for mine. "I should've looked where I was going too."

I hesitated slightly. He was leaning; hunched forward, with a smile so bright it blinded my eyes. His gestures were so confident and perfect... every move felt intended, and that made it him feel nearly... intimidating, or something softer.

Even so, I took it.

He pulled me up with a soft grunt,

We stared at each other for a moment too long,

I turned my head away first the moment I realised.

"Sorry.. w-well..gotta go!" I took a few steps away from him and sprinted away like a dumbass who couldn't keep up a normal conversation without stuttering like a middle-school girl.

Fuck, I'm such a loser!

No way I could have a normal conversation with that guy...someone like him doesn't even deserve to lay eyes on someone so awkward and embarrassing like me.

My feet couldn't stop moving, my breaks have completely broke, at that point I was just running for the sake of it, and I realised I already ran past the class I wanted to go to.

My feet scrapped against the floor, I slowly moved back a few steps, gently knocking on the door of the classroom.

As I slid open the door, a bunch of eyes landed at me, almost immediately, almost alertly.

"Uhm.. I left my book back here in... uhh, my club, so... mind if I get it?"

They didn't say anything, just returned to minding their business - I took that as a yes.

I slipped inside quietly, the door sliding shut behind me with a soft click that somehow felt louder than it should've.

I kept my head down as I moved toward the back, pretending I knew exactly what I was doing. My fingers brushed along the edge of a desk, then another, until I reached the small cabinet tucked near the corner-where they usually left the lost and found.

I crouched down, pulling it open.

Empty folders. A few scattered sheets. Someone's forgotten pen.

Found it,

My stupid chemistry book,

Thank god, who knows what my teacher would've done to me if I lost this old thing.

That relief suddenly got cut off as I heard some... whispers behind me.

"Hey, it's that guy... Hajime Hinata, remember him?"

One guy snickered behind my back.

"Yeah, remember I told you the time middle school where he..." They whispered in quiet giggles amongst each other.

I paused for a moment,

That one guy used to go to my middle school...

I think.

Honestly, I didn't know him personally. He just laughed along with everyone in the crowd.

Guess some things never change.

...

Why waste your precious breath?

Making fun of others, bringing them down. You're just stooping yourself down to the lowest level imaginable.

Worst thing is, people believe it.

They'll believe anything if it just sounds like something that'd bring this... Excitement or fun inside them.

...

Something in my chest tightened, sharp, and familiar.

I rolled my eyes, a small, tired gesture they probably couldn't even see.

I wasn't hurting anyone.

And still-

Not enough.

Never enough.

I shoved the book into my bag a little harder than necessary, the zipper scraping loudly through the quiet.

"Hey, don't get mad, faggy." one of them snickered.

I ignored them, standing up.

I didn't wait for anything else.

I slung my bag over my shoulder, stepping out, sliding the door open and closing it behind me just as quickly.

The hallway noise rushed back in-voices, footsteps, lockers slamming.

Normal.

Just... be normal.

That's how you've always been right?

"Stupid.." I muttered to myself.

Not even sure who I meant.

Them...

Or... myself?

My eyes remained consistently faced to the floor as I walked through the long hallway.

It's fine. These losers can't be any more miserable than I am...

I'm not miserable enough to pull my pants so low to talk shit about someone.

It was in the past,

What matters is... I know I've changed.

I slid open the door to my classroom, and my eyes landed onto the star of the room immediately -him.

That guy from earlier.

Shit... no way he's from my class.

A bunch of girls surrounded his desk, asking him questions, complimenting him. He already has a bunch of fan girls on his hands, huh?

...Is he some sort of playboy?

"How you feel about the new guy?"

A familiar, soft voice, quiet and gentle whispered behind me-Chiaki Nanami.

Class president, Ms 'everyone knows me', from middle school till now, it's been that way for her.

She just plays games all day, only talks when needed to, but... her company isn't always all that bad.

"H-He is... alright.."

"H-H-H-H-He is alright?" She imitated mockingly

"He's alright.. god, I barely know the guy, and you're harassing me!"

She squinted her eyes at me, standing on her tip toes, like she didn't feel convinced enough.

"Yeah, yeah..." she relaxed, leaning against a table with her arms crossed.

"Huh, when did you get earrings?" She lifted her chin up, pointing towards my ear

I raised an eyebrow at her question, "I had them for months, dude."

She pointed her index finger up at me in a laid-back manner. "Ya gay?"

"...Nah." I said

"Nah?..." she repeated

"Seriously, leave me alone." I rolled my eyes, but there was no real heat behind it.

She hummed for a long moment. "You should talk to him."

"To HIM?" I pointed my hand directly towards him, more obvious than I intended it to be.

She nodded

"No way, dude! You're seriously thinking I even have the right vocal cords and breath to be trying to befriend the guy way outta my league?!" I said, not realising how defensive I sounded at that moment.

Chiaki stared at me for a second, just... thinking.

"... What makes you so out of his league? "

I facepalmed, gesturing towards him awkwardly. "Look at him!" I exclaimed, like that'd explain everything.

Her eyes narrowed- unamused. "That's definitely a you thing going on."

"What does that mean?!"

She shrugged, "Hmm..."

Suddenly, She turned around without another word, back facing me, as she began to slowly walk over to the other side of the class, in calm, unbothered movements.

I blinked. "Hey, what does that mean?" I asked, but to no avail, and my feet instinctively began to follow behind her. "I'd appreciate an answer!"

She gently brushed her fingers against her desk, "Hmm..."

"Hey!" I called out again.

She ignored.

"This girl..." I groaned.

I slowed to a stop behind her as she crouched beside her desk, her bag half-open, papers barely contained like they were seconds away from spilling out. She dug around lazily, like she had all the time in the world.

"Chiaki," I tried again, a little more annoyed now, "don't just 'hmm' me and then ignore-"

A small click cut me off.

I blinked.

She pulled out her handheld console, already switching it on, the screen lighting up her face in a soft glow. Her expression didn't change much-still that same sleepy, neutral look-but there was a tiny hint of focus in her eyes now.

"Seriously?" I deadpanned. "You're playing games right now?"

"Mhm." she hummed, not even looking at me.

"Class is about to start."

"Mhm."

"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN."

"Mhm."

".. Can't you listen to anything?"

That got a reaction-barely. The corner of her lips twitched like she might've smiled, but it was gone just as quickly.

Her thumbs moved lazily over the buttons, but somehow, she was already completely absorbed. "You're overthinking again," she muttered, eyes still glued to the screen.

"How, exactly?"

"About the new guy?" She said softly, hands still clicking rapidly at the buttons. "You keep lookin' at him."

My face flushed for a moment, "It's not like I like him or anything he's just.."

Really pretty.

"-Really... outstanding.. I guess."

"Then go talk to him." She glanced up at me,

Just for a small moment.

"No..." I declined.

Her face remained calm, that same unreadable look. She let out a short huff, "Whatever you say."

Something inside me twisted into a painful knot. It's not like I know this guy... but the thought of him just bothers me to an extent that I can't just brush it off like just another piece of dust.

"He seems so intimidating."

I suddenly admitted,

"It's not like he's mean or anything but.. He's just got this glowing aura, he seems so... elegant.. it's just... SOMETHING ABOUT HIM!!"

"Mhm.." She hummed.

I rolled my eyes, unsurprised by the lack of reply. She's always too focused on other things to care what I'm doing anyway.

"You can just say he's attractive, you know." She finally said,

I paused for a moment.

"It's... not that, dammit.."

"Well, sometimes.. people aren't always what they seem to be at first sight."

Her fingers repeatedly pressed on the buttons, they moved skillfully, experienced, nothing was screaming stressed or panicked. Her eyes squinted ever so slightly, like she was thinking about something.

"... What does that mean?"

"You'll know."

"..."

We stayed quiet for a long moment, yet it wasn't awkward. It was more familiar than anything, actually. Just silence, the silence that didn't make me feel like I was suffocating alone with my thoughts, just... holding it together with her through that silence.

My eyes glanced at Chiaki for a moment.

Then, back at him

He was sitting right by the window. Surrounded by all my other classmates, some boys, mostly girls. The sunlight fell softly against his face, caught in his hair perfectly. Making him outshine anything else that was in the room.

He was just... too much.

Being in the same room as him felt a bit too much.

Every move of his... it's just so swift and elegant. It's unusual.

Almost fake.

-

The bell rang-loud, sharp, cutting straight through the moment.

The classroom shifted all at once-chairs scraping, voices dying down, people rushing back to their seats. I found myself doing the same thing.

When I sat down, my eyes glanced at my schedule. I stuck a printed piece of my class schedule right at the corner of my table, but it was practically obliterated now.

The ugly doodles,

The loose tape,

And...

Chemistry class.

I hate chemistry.

The door slipped open a few seconds later

"Alright, settle down."

The teacher came in- or should I say, this excuse of a being that gives 11037 worksheets of bullshit a day.

She scanned through the class, as expected, with a stack of worksheets resting in her arms.

"Oh, I'm seeing a new face here, care to introduce yourself?"

Her eyes scanned towards the new guy, her demeanour now completely different, to a softer, less intimidating stare.

He scrapped his chair back, standing up straight, perfect, and confident. His soft smile was just another touch. "Morning, I'm Nagito Komaeda."

The teacher smiled back, "Nagito," she repeated. "I'm Ms. Sam, I'll be your science teacher from now on."

Nagito... Komaeda..

I clicked my pen.

Even as he sat back down, my eyes didn't look away from him.

His chin was resting against his palm, expression neutral as he listened to the teachers lecture attentively.

I felt my lips crack a smile. Soon enough, my gaze shifted completely away towards the lesson, only at him. I crossed my arms over my desk, resting my chin.

The dude beside nudged me. "Listen in class, dude."

"Shaddup."

He snorted under his breath, turning back to the front like he hadn't just ruined my entire train of thought.

I straightened up a little.

Ms. Sam clapped her hands together, sharp enough it caught everyone's attention. "Take out your notes, we are starting a new chapter today... as we know your topic tests are coming next week."

Groans echoed around the room

"Chemical bonding -"

I groaned a bit louder than everyone else.

She shot me a look

I immediately sat back straight, embarrassed. "Sorry.."

A few people snickered

I reached into my bag and pulled out my notebook, flipping through the slightly crumbled pages that were carelessly thrown in my bag and kept that way all weekend. My hand hovered over the paper, pen in hand.

But my mind was... elsewhere.

"...Atoms form bonds to achieve stability," Ms. Sam continued, writing across the board.

Stability.

Right.

I tapped my pen lightly against the page, eyes drifting-again.

Just for a second.

Nagito sat by the window, sunlight still spilling over him like it refused to leave. He looked completely focused, eyes on the board, occasionally jotting something down with neat, effortless movements.

Like he actually understood this stuff.

Annoying.

My pen pressed harder against the paper.

I can't concentrate on this shit load of crap at all..!! What's wrong with me?!

What's wrong with HIM?!

"Ugh." I went in face first into my desk, face buried in my notebook like it would help me understand.

I'm a complete failure...

Why is he distracting me this badly?!

No way... lock in Hajime. You are HAJIME HINATA.

You'd rather be the loser who's smart again, than the loser who's just fucking stupid.
____

At the end of the class period, my book was left like a violent, scribbled mess.

Words that were too messy to understand

Drawings that were too shaky to consider a drawing, more like an aggressive nightmare for the teacher's side.

I stared down at my notebook, half in disbelief, half already asleep. My eyes never left that notebook, I stared blanky into it like it would give me an answer.

Since when has it gotten this bad?...

Topic tests... Exams.. Their all coming at once.

Suddenly, a person's shadow cast over me.

I looked up and nearly froze.

"U-Uhm.. Komaeda?" I stuttered, wiping the drool off the side of my mouth in a panic.

"It's lunch, you should go eat if you wanna get yourself ready for the coming day." He smiled softly, then, leaving me alone in the empty class without another word.

I looked around for a moment, not even realising how much the environment had changed.

Why was he the one to tell me?

Does he really think he's all that?

My eyebrows furrowed as I stood up from my chair as it scrapped against the floor. I took out a sandwich box I got from the convenience store this morning and held it on my side.

The halls were empty now, and only the chattering of people could be heard far away in the cafeteria.

I wasn't really focusing on where I was going, maybe just a quiet corner where I could eat by myself.

Just some time to process my thoughts.

Yet, I found myself in the library.

It was well, the quietest place I could think of.

I came here from time to time. Not really to read, I guess... just to rethink my life choices and some sad stuff like that.

When I stepped in, I tried finding a good corner I could sit in to eat. As I looked around, my heart suddenly dropped for a second

"GUH!-" I instinctively hid behind a book shelf

W... was that him?!

I peeked through the corner.

There he was

Sitting in the corner, reading a book I couldn't see the cover of yet.

I hesitated,

Should I... talk to him?

No! Are you out of your mind?!

My chest heaved slightly as I took deep breaths to try and calm down.

Why do I suddenly act like the biggest idiot whenever I'm around this guy?

It's like he put some sort of hex on me.

He turned a page.

Calm. Unbothered. Alone.

...Alone.

My chest felt weird again

I took one, final, deep breath.

This can't go that bad, right?

___

".. Are you reading?"

Wow, amazing Hajime, just amazing.

Nagito looked up at me. Gaze was soft and gentle, and I didn't know if that made things better or not.

"Oh," he said quietly. "it's you."

My brain stopped working.

"Y-Yeah, it's me," I said, way too fast. "Obviously."

Idiot.

My eyes flickered down to his book "Crime and Punishment... by Fyodor?"

Immediately, I saw his eyes light up for a moment, but it was for such a short moment. It was hard to confirm if it really happened or not.

"Have you read it?"

I crossed my arms, trying to act normal. "No. Just heard about it, it's popular so..."

He hummed softly, his eyes shifting back to the book. "I've read this book many times now."

"Oh, really?.. What else do you read.. like Sherlock or something?" I asked, trying to sound smart. I've actually never read a single book of Sherlock in my life.

"I guess I'm kinda into that genre." He said, voice calm and steady, flipping to the next page.

"Oh.. I.. I see."

...

"Aren't you gonna eat?" I asked,

He looked up,

"Oh, no worries." He smiled like he was trying to dismiss me. "I don't eat during this time anyway."

I frowned

"That's not good,"

I crouched down beside him, opening my sandwich box.

"Here,"

I handed him a piece. It lingered between both of us, and it looked like he was almost reluctant to take it.

"I'm sorry-"

"Just do it," I cut him off, avoiding his eyes. "I'm not gonna finish it anyway."

That was a lie.

A very obvious one.

I'm a fucking chud.

He hesitated.

"Are you sure?"

"..Yeah," I said quickly. "Don't make it weird."

A faint tilt of his head.

Not confused.

Observing.

"...Are you sure?" he asked again, softer this time-but there was something underneath it. Not uncertainty.

Restraint.

"Yeah," I said, a little sharper. "Just take it."

Another pause.

Then finally-

He reached out.

Careful. Controlled. Even the way he picked it up felt deliberate, like he was making sure not to cross some invisible line.

"...Thank you," he said.

He took a bite.

Small. Neat. Not a crumb out of place.

"You didn't have to, you know.. " He mumbled softly, despite still chewing on it anyway.

I frowned slightly.

"...It's not an inconvenience, so don't worry about it." I said before I could stop myself.

Silence.

I glanced back at him.

For just a second-

Something changed in his face,

Barely.

Something quieter. Less polished, and something heavier.

Then it was gone.

"I see," he said, just as calm as before.

We kept eating.

The silence stretched between us, I purposely took smaller bites of my sandwich just to seem polite.

I glanced at him for a second,

He's way more awkward than I anticipated.

"So.. you into any music or?..." I ended my sentence before I could continue,

My eyes met his, and for some reason: I couldn't look away.

Shit..

"Like... like..." I muttered something under my breath.

He tilted his head, looking up from the thick book in his hands.

"Music.. huh?"

He thought for a moment, staring back down at the word filled page

"I guess I like The Beatles or Lana del Ray.." He said,

I blinked, and for some reason I felt my heart race a little. "Oh..- really? I love those artists!"

"Oh.. do you?" He smiled, "Then.. what's your favourite song?"

"O-Oh well.. I like Brooklyn baby.. I-I mean I now it's a popular song but it's just so good! So many people say popular things aren't that good but I personally think it's popular for a reason you know?- Also, I like.. 'I Will' and 'Her Majesty', you know it's just so amazing and I'm so glad I found someone who liked it too-"

I stopped mid-sentence.

The words I'd been spilling out so easily suddenly made me feel self- concious, was I being too talkative? Too self centered? Heat crept up my neck as the realization settled in... have I been talking too much?

I pressed my lips together, in a small, almost embarrassed smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. I fidgested with my fingers, as the only thing I was able to do was hope he didn't think I was weird.

"Sorry, I talk a lot don't I?" I tried to laugh, but it came out more awkward than I was hoping it to be

He tilted his head for a better look at me, arms pressing his knees together, the bottom of his book sandwiched between his legs.

Then, he smiled again, that soft, carefree smile that made something in my heart twist in the wrong way, like it was something he could just do on command. "Come on, I'm not judging you," He giggled softly, "I think it's... entertaining."

"Uhh.." A sudden heat crept up to my cheeks. "You think so?.."

"Mhm," He nodded, "I'm definitely not as passionate about them as you are."

"W- well.. It doesn't really matter if I know them better than you.. you're already so-..." I stopped mid-sentence. "Just.. uh, nothing, you're already way better than me anyway... right?"

He blinked-just staring for a second, head tilting, resting his chin against his palm. "Better? You really think that?" He asked, "I.. mean, not that I am, it's my first day here so... it's not like I belong on a pedestol here or anything.."

Yeah right, like you're not surrounded by girls all day.

"I mean, girls surround you on the first day, I don't see why that doesn't happen with me." I let out a sigh, dropping my head to stare at the wooden floor.

"Hinata.. right?" He said quietly,

He remembered my name.

"Uh-! Yeah?-" I jumped out of my position, sitting straight.

"What kind of girls are you into?" Nagito asked, almost too casually.

"Huh.." I let myself think for another moment. "Girls you say.." my voiced dragged longer than anything else.

Why is he asking me this?

"I just want someone who's normal, I guess."

Amazing answer. Hajime.

"Normal.." He repeated,

"L-like-" I gestured in the air, immedietly regreting it. "Like not normal but so.. normal, I mean I like someone who's a bit adventurous! Cool.. you know, like hot chicks!.. or someone who's just calm and likes to stay with you.. or someone who cares a lot.."

What am I even saying?

I don't even know myself.

A short pause settled between us,

Then- a laugh

Not loud, not mocking.

Just... perfectly soft.

One eye cracked open.

"Interesting... you have a lot of types, don't you?"

I looked away, pressing my lips together. "Then.. what about you?" I shot back, more defensive than I meant to be. "What kind of girls do YOU like?"

He paused, gazed dropped down not to his book- but somewhere quieter than that.

"Girls.. huh.." I murmured to himself, barely audible. "... I don't really think about that." He said after a moment.

That wasn't what I expected.

"Seriously?" I frowned. "Not even a little?"

He shook his head lightly, that same faint smile still there- but... different this time, it felt more distant than before.

"N-.. Actually, I never liked anyone for that matter." He smiled casually, but something about that seemed... odd, his tone, the slight switch in words...

Is he serious?...

"Well, I guess it's hard to find someone who fits your taste... especially for you." I said, the last part escaping my lips more quietly, as if those words were only meant for myself.

"And... that means?" He questioned, his head tilting to the side curiously.

"Ugh-" I facepalmed "I.. I mean... you look like you... urgh-.. NOTHING, it's just, whatever.."

Before any words came out, a loud bell rang throughout the whole school. Footsteps start to surface again outside, along with the shuffling sounds of books being put back in place. Komaeda stared at me as the noise grew around us. He parted his lips, like he wanted to say something-

But before anything came audible, something in his expression flashed for a second. For a split second- his eyes widened, not at me... but at something else...

"I... we should go back to class.." He said quietly, putting a strand of hair behind his ear, clenching the book he was reading against his chest. "You can go.. I'll put this back where it was before."

"O-Oh, uh.. see you.." I muttered, lifting my hand in a small wave, the motion stiff and uncertain, like I wasn't fully committed to it.

He just stood there.

No wave back. No goodbye. Not even a nod.

The silence hit almost immediately, heavy enough to make my arm feel ridiculous hanging in the air. He walked past me quietly, not even glancing my way. I stood there- flabbergasted-He ignored me. I lowered my hand too quickly, yet I remained staring at the exact spot he stood before.

Did I say something wrong?

It wasn't the thing about girls was it?

I turned my head away, pretending to look somewhere else.

I thought he'd be more talktative, instead he's... just completely the opposite of what I expected.

I began to walk forward a bit too quickly, blindly, anything to make me stop recalling how stupid that wave must've been. I moved past the crowded hallway, the same hallway I'd be walking back and forth from through one classroom and another.

And soon enough--I found my way back into my classroom.

I looked around,

Komaeda wasn't here yet.

"You look rough," A soft voice whispered behind me.

I flinched, turning around.

Chiaki.

"Really?"

Chiaki stared at me for a second too long, game console hanging loosely in one hand.

"Mhm." She hummed "What's wrong with you, dude?"

"Nothing." I replied dismissively.

She tapped my shoulder lightly, making stupid noises to get my attention "Hey, hey, hey, hey-"

"WHAT?!"

"Tell me,"

My stomach twisted,

"I told you it's nothing,"

"Your face tells me otherwise." Chiaki said, sitting down in her chair backwards, arms resting across the top of it. "Come on, tell me."

My eyebrows furrowed, "I don't see you get this interested when I actually feel like talking." I muttered.

I parted my lips again for a moment,

Then closed

"I.. don't know."

"Mhm."

"It's just that.. me and that new guy were hanging out in the library, I thought we were cool and all but he just ignored me and left when I waved goodbye to him."

"Mhm."

My eyes narrowed, "You aren't even listening!"

A small smile tugged by her lips

The classroom slowly filled with noise as everyone returned from lunch. Chairs scraped. Bags dropped onto desks. Conversations overlapped into one loud blur.

And then-

The door slid open.

My eyes moved there instantly.

Nagito stepped inside quietly, light poured through the window and caught against him, outlining his face in gold while the rest stayed hidden in shadow.

He looked normal,

The way his face changes,

The way his lips were slightly parted,

The way every strand of his hair that the sun highlighted was perfect in every way shape and form.

That was.. normal Komaeda for you.

Still, he has the audacity to act that way like he hadn't completely ignored me five minutes ago.

Maybe I'm over thinking it... It is his first day here after all.

A few girls immediately called his name the second he walked in. He smiled politely at them- soft, effortless, easy.

So he CAN talk to people.

"Ugh.." I rolled my eyes, looking somewhere else before he could catch me staring.

Chiaki stared at me, then Komaeda, then back at me. "He's probably shy or something."

I made a sound of disbelief, him? And shy? No freaking way. "No way, why would someone like HIM need to be shy?! " I leaned forward, hands on my hips.

"The only person that will ever think of someone that way is you, Hajime."

I let out a groaned, rolling my eyes. "You just don't get it."

"Hm."

-

....

I groaned,

What time was it?

I slowly opened my eyes, the sun peeking through the windows, softly, almost quietly.

My eyes squinted as the light hit my eyes.

"Urgh.." I looked in front of me, yet it was too blurry to see.

My vision slowly sharpened.

Orange light spilled across the classroom floor in long streaks, warm and dim. The noise from earlier was gone completely.

Too quiet.

The empty classroom sat around me in a sleepy haze-chairs pushed in unevenly, papers abandoned on desks, the faint hum of the ceiling fan above.

I blinked again.

Someone was sitting in front of me.
I nearly jolted upright.

Nagito.

He sat backwards in the chair ahead of mine, arms folded neatly over the backrest, chin resting there casually. His silver hair caught the fading sunlight pouring through the windows behind him, glowing softly around the edges.

And he was staring directly at me.
"...You're awake." His voice came out quiet.

"You slept through the whole class." He spoke again.

My brain took a full second to start functioning.

"Wha-"

My throat felt dry.

I looked around the room again, slower this time.

Empty.

Completely empty.

"...What time is it?" I croaked.

Nagito tilted his head slightly, gaze drifting toward the windows. Outside, the sky had already begun turning gold and pink, clouds still heavy from rain.

"It was raining pretty hard earlier," he said softly. "The rain stopped a while ago though."

I stared at him blankly.

"...Rain?"

"Mhm."

Only then did I notice the faint sound of water dripping outside somewhere. The windows were speckled with leftover droplets, the glass fogged slightly at the corners.

"You slept through all of it."

"...No way."

A small laugh escaped him.

Not loud.

Just breathy enough to make my chest tighten again.

"The thunder was pretty loud too." He looked back at me. "I'm surprised you stayed asleep."

Heat immediately rushed to my face.

I sat upright too quickly, almost knocking my notebook off the desk. "Why didn't anyone wake me up?!"

"They tried."

"...Huh?"

"You ignored them."

I froze.

"...I seriously?"

"You kinda just groaned and buried your face deeper into the desk."

".. Fuck.."

Nagito laughed again, quieter this time.

God.

I dragged both hands down my face slowly, wishing the desk would just collapse and take me with it.

"So everyone left already?" I muttered from behind my hands.

"Mhm."

"...Then why are YOU still here?"

The question slipped out before I could stop it.

Silence settled for a moment.

Not awkward.

Just... still.

Nagito's fingers tapped lightly against the chair.

"I don't have an umbrella ," he admitted quietly. "And... I guess I didn't really feel like leaving yet."

Something about the way he said it made my stomach twist strangely.

I finally looked at him properly again.

The sunlight had lowered enough now that shadows stretched across half his face, soft gold catching in his eyes whenever he moved slightly.

"Oh.. Alright.." I muttered, burying my head back into my desk.

Heat kept up to my face, and I didn't know why.

What do I say?..

He's just.. Staring.. So calmly... So.. Cute..

AHHHH4HH4 SHUT THE FUCK UP

"Also.." He stared down at my desk, staring at the science notes I written down on my desk. "What are these for?" He asked, his fingers tracing around the words.

"Oh... I wrote them down so I could cheat on my chemistry test." I said casually, my voice hitching halfway, realising I probably sound like a total dumbass who can't do a simple thing like chemical bonding.

God, I don't even remember what that lesson was about...

"You really hate chemistry, huh?" Nagito asked.

"I-Uhm.." I stammered, "Y.. Yeah, I'm pretty bad at it."

He snickered knowingly "Yeah, you were groaning about it during class today."

I jumped, my cheeks turning warm "You noticed?" I asked, despite already knowing the answer.

My face buried back into my arms against the hard surface of my desk, yet somehow I'm still able to sleep for hours here without waking up. "I don't even remember today's lesson at all.."

He hummed softly, his fingers slowly coming to a stop, gently pressing against the surface of messy notes and ugly drawings.

"You know... I wouldn't mind teaching you." He requested, the way he said it in such a calm, laid back tone.. Like it wasn't a big deal at all.

"R.. Really now?" I asked, somewhat embarrassed by how that idea.

Nagito.. teaching... Me..

But he's a new student, how could I embarrass myself by having the new kid who's behind on all the other chapters teach ME?!

"Well.. I guess I do need a recap..." I accepted his offer anyway.

The last thing I need is a 45 percent on a chemistry test.

Nagito's fingers tapped lightly against the edge of my desk.

Patient. rhythmic. Calm.

Like everything he did.

He glanced down at the scribbled notes again, eyes narrowing ever so slightly at one of my aggressively underlined sentences.

"So, what're you stuck on right now? " he asked softly.

"...I'm stuck on all of it." I admitted.

A quiet laugh escaped him again.

God.

Why does he keep doing that?

"It's not that complicated once you get the hang of it.." He tilted his head slightly, silver hair slipping over his shoulder. "

I huffed, get the hang of it, huh?

He reached over into his school bag, taking out a brand new notebook, completely untouched. He flipped it open to the first page and set it between us, fingers brushing over the pages carefully.

Then, his eyes glanced down at me. "Can I borrow that pen in your pocket?" He asked softly, already reaching out for it.

"OH! - yeah yeah take it.." I quickly slipped the pen out of my shirt pocket, handing it over to him, causing our fingers to touch for just a split second.

The pen spun in his hands, clicking down on the top a few times so the led came out.

He began doodling a few shapes, "Okay so," he pointed with his finger "We're gonna start of with Ionic Bonds first."

He leaned forward again, shoulders hunched as he began to label the shapes. "So, Ionic bond is basically the transfer of electrons. So... we have 2 atoms, we know that electrons are always around the outline of the atom, right? Yeah you probably do..."

He quickly scribbled something across the page, despite that, his words are still incredibly clean. "When an atom is lacking a certain amount of electrons, they simply give their remaining electrons away to another atom that needs a few more electrons to be fully stable."

His index finger pointed down at the page "You see here, this atom, Sodium is a positively charged atom, you see that it only has one electron left, right?"

I nodded

Then, he dragged the edge of the pen to the other circle, "This is chlorine, a negatively charged atom, it is missing one electron from being fully stable. Since Sodium has only one electron left, it gives it away to Chlorine. With this, Sodium can now be stable since it has the missing electron now. Since electrons are negatively charged, this causes Chlorine to be more negatively charged, while Sodium is positively charged, since it doesn't have any electrons! By the way Ionic bonds cannot work with two positive or negatively charged atoms, this causes them to repel."

The pen tapped against the table rhythmically. "Basically, opposites attract, only a negatively charged atom and positively charged atom can experience an Ionic bond."

I stared long into the page, the equations, the shapes, the labelling.

It... Isn't that hard actually.

"Oh, I see it now. I think." I raised my hand up hesitantly, pointing at something. "So... when it's transferred... It's a negatively charged atom right?" I asked hesitantly, reconfirming.

Komaeda nodded with a sweet, approving hum. "Mhm, like I said since electrons are negatively charged, when an electron transfers from Sodium to Chlorine, it makes Chlorine more negatively charged since it's gained an electron, while for Sodium, it's become more positively charged since it lost an electron."

I frowned slightly, but somehow.. I think I'm getting the hang of this.

"So? Easy, right?" Komaeda said sweetly, resting his chin against his palm. "Do you think you're ready to learn about Covalent bond?"

For a moment, I just stared at the notes quietly. Then, I turned my gaze back to Komaeda.

A soft, genuine smile rested on his lips. It didn't... seemed forced or anything.

This was the first time I've seen him like this.

Smiling,

Actually smiling.

Something about how he does it right now feels completely different from how he does it with others.

"Oh.. Yeah, I think I'm ready."

___

Almost an hour passed by from what felt like seconds. Nagito taught me all about chemical bonds, atoms, electrons, hydrogens...all that boring stuff that he somehow made entertaining.

"Hinata, you can take the notebook home to revise if you need to." He finally shut the book, pushing it over to me across the table. "If you ever need any help, feel free to ask me."

"Oh, yeah.. Thanks a lot." I thanked, putting the notebook inside my desk.

Nagito's fingers lingered against the edge of the notebook for a moment before he slowly pulled his hand back.

The classroom had gone dimmer now, sunlight fading into softer shades of orange and blue beyond the windows. The rain smell still lingered faintly in the air.

I adjusted the notebook in my bag awkwardly.

"...Hey, Komaeda?"

"Mhm?" He glanced at me.

I hesitated.

Why do I even care?

"...Why'd you transfer here anyway?"
The question slipped out quieter than I intended.

For a second, he didn't answer.
His gaze drifted toward the window instead.

"The school here is pretty good," he said lightly. "And my parents changed jobs recently, so moving kinda just... happened."

Parents.

Something about the way he said it felt vague. Like he was picking his words carefully without sounding like he was.

"Oh." I nodded slowly. "That sucks."

"It isn't too bad." He smiled softly again. "I'm already getting used to it."
I stared at him for another second.

Of course he would.

A small smirk cracked on the sides of my lips "Yeah, it shouldnt be too hard for you."

"We should probably head home now," he said. "It's getting late."

Right.

I looked outside again.

The sky was already darkening.

"...Yeah."

We packed up quietly after that.

The walk out of school felt strangely calm compared to earlier. Most students were already gone, leaving only distant voices echoing somewhere outside near the gates.

Our footsteps bounced softly through the empty halls.

Neither of us talked much.

But it didn't feel awkward anymore.
At some point, Nagito slowed beside me slightly, hands tucked loosely into his pockets.

"You know..." he said quietly, "you actually understand chemistry pretty fast."

I stared at him.

"...Are you making fun of me?"

"Hm?" He blinked innocently. "Not at all!!" He said in a way that felt almost too obvious he was mocking me.

I rolled my eyes, trying not to smile back.

I shoved one of my hand in my pocket, the other supporting the strap of my bag. "You know, I could really use a cold drink right now before I head home." The sky wasn't that dark yet, so it wouldn't be a big problem to get a quick drink, right?

"Isn't it getting late already?" Nagito asked,

"It's alright, it isn't that far away from here actually." I turned my head to face him, raising my hand out towards him. "Come on, if we run, we'll get there faster."

Nagito blinked twice, his eyes flickering around from my face and the my hand. He reached out, gently brushing his finger tips against my palm, the moment he did so, my fingers tightened around his.

"Hm?-"

"Come on, it's gonna get dark if we don't hurry." I pulled him in as we began to run along the pavement in messy steps, pushing each other from side to side as Komaeda complained loudly about how bad he was at running

"Running is so tiring..! " Nagito whined, catching himself after almost accidentally slipping.

"There it is," I said, out steps slowly coming back to a slower pace. Nagito panted heavily, taking in deep, heavy breaths.

"Don't run like that without warning me.." He gasped, chest rising in and out, sweat already peeking from the sides of his forehead.

Somehow, he pulled that look of really well.

"Come on, we ran for 10 seconds."

"10 seconds is a lot."

"Yeah yeah.."

We entered the convenience store, the door chimed softly behind us. The air was colder in here, which made Nagito let out a small, relieved sigh at the chilling breeze. "Ah.. Cold, it's nice here." He fanned himself dramatically.

His stamina is really low, huh?

I mean, he is pretty pale.

"Do you want a drink or anything?" I asked, pointing at the menu board, decorated with bright, catching colors.

We stood in front of the board, Nagito's eyes flew past all the options, fidgeting with his fingers like this was the most impossible decision to ever make. But soon enough, he pointed at a item. "Blueberry."

I nodded, peeking my head over the counter to call for a worker.

My hand waved around awkwardly as I tried to catch the workers attention. "Hello??...u-uhh.." I stammered, realising I wasn't getting his attention. "HELLOOO?" I called out again, louder than I should've

worker finally peeked their head out from the back room, looking mildly startled by my absolutely graceful yelling.

"Uh-sorry!"

I immediately straightened up. "Can we get a blueberry smoothie thing and-"

My eyes darted toward the fridge beside the counter.

"That orange juice," I pointed.

The worker nodded slowly, probably wondering why I sounded like I was ordering food at gunpoint, before disappearing behind the counter again.

I shoved my hands into my pockets awkwardly.

Nagito stood beside me quietly, catching his breath now that the air-conditioning had finally saved his life from that devastating ten-second sprint.

"You see like a black coffee type of person."

"Way too bitter."

A small laugh slipped out of him.

Again.

Every time he laughed, it caught me off guard.

The worker returned a moment later, setting the drinks onto the counter.

The blueberry drink looked ridiculously overdecorated compared to my sad little bottled orange juice.

Whipped cream.

Blue syrup.

Little ice cubes.

Somehow it was more purple than blue.

Meanwhile, my drink just looks like cough medicine.

"...This one is yours?" he asked carefully, pointing at the orange juice like he couldn't fully believe it.

"Yeah?"

"...It's kinda cute."

I nearly choked on air.

"CUTE?! IT'S ORANGE JUICE."

He covered his mouth slightly, shoulders shaking with another quiet laugh.

God.

He's definitely making fun of me now.

Before he could realise, I paid before he could even try reaching for his wallet.

"H-hey..you didn't have to do that."

"Just paying you back."

"For what..?"

I just shrugged, not giving a distinct answer, but he didn't seem to push me any further.

I grabbed my orange juice quickly before he could keep talking about it. The cold bottle pressed against my palm, condensation already dripping down the sides.

Nagito held his blueberry drink carefully with both hands, staring down at it like he'd never seen a beverage before.

We moved toward the small seating area by the window, the evening sky outside turning darker shades of blue while leftover rainwater reflected the streetlights outside.

The convenience store was mostly empty now.

Just quiet humming refrigerators and distant music playing overhead.

Nagito poked at the whipped cream absentmindedly with his straw.

"You keep saying you're stupid, but why?"

I instinctively tightened my grip around the orange juice.

"It's nothing, I'm just slow sometimes." I said, looking at somewhere else. "I used to be better at studies."

"...What changed?"

"I wouldn't say it was for the worse. I mean yeah my mom's yells at me about it all the time but.. I'm well emotionally." I sipped on the straw, fingers pressing harder around the carton than I should've.

"I don't think you're stupid, Hinata."

I nearly choked on my drink, "H..huh?-how come?"

"You understand things faster than most people I've seen."

"You're flattering me too much,"

Because if I was smart,

There's no reason why I'd still be getting C-'s despite studying so much.

"It's true, you just need someone to teach you better ." Nagito insisted. "Not that I'm saying I'm the best person to teach you.. It's just.." Nagito stumbled, putting a loose strand of hair behind his ear.

"No! Not at all, I think you're really amazing actually! Your voice is super gentle and nice to listen to!" The words slipped out of my mouth before I could've stopped them.

".. Uh..Uhuh," Nagito mumbled softly, face slowly flushing red.

I choked on my drink literally this time,throwing my hands around in the air around like a mad man."No! I don't mean it that way and I just THINK YOU'RE A VERY GOOD LECTURER!!"

"Yeah, thanks.." Nagito said softly, awkwardly biting on his straw, holding the strap of his bag tighter than usual.

I internally slapped myself, "L.. Look, I didn't mean-"

"I wouldn't mind teaching you more."

"Oh..- you wouldn't?"

Nagito smiled, a small snort escaping him. "You paid for my drink so..."

"That is NOT a fair exchange to be teaching someone whenever they want!" I exclaimed

Nagito tilted his head, like he was completely oblivious to what I was talking about. "Who said I wanted it to be fair?" He asked, "I just feel like talking with you more."

"..." I stared at him for a long, quiet moment. If I were caught off guard for just another second, my drink would've slipped right out of my fingers.

I bit my lip, HARD. Does he realise what he's even saying?!?!?

We walked along the sidewalk, feet tapping in sync against the pavement. My gaze shifted over to Komaeda, the light of the setting sun illuminating against his face softly like even the sky was on his side; pouring over him like liquid gold, turning even the smallest movements to be delicate.

"My house is just down the road ahead," Nagito stated, then turned to me. "I think I'll be heading home now, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Huh?-.. Oh, already?"

He nodded, "Yeah, it's almost 7pm."

Something in my chest sant a little at that realization. "..Oh."

Nagito faced me properly this time, hands tucked loosely into his pockets again. "Thanks for today," He said quietly. "For talking to me."

I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly, "You could've talked to anyone if you wanted."

Before I could think too hard about it, he took a small step back

"You're kind, Hina."

The way he said my name so softly should've been illegal.

"Yeah." I muttered. "See you."

This time, he waved first.

Small,

Relaxed,

And for some reason, that tiny gesture made warmth immediately rush to my face.

I lifted my hand back too quickly.

Then, he disappear down the opposite sidewalk. The green bow in his hair slowly vanishing into the dark.

"Hina.. Huh.." I murmured to myself, "Hina.. HINA?!" I jolted at the realization, what did he just call me?! I stared at the corner he disappeared into, not moving an inch from where I was before.

Does that..? What does that make us?! NO WAY, nothing as all!! Friends give... stupid and... cute nicknames too, right?!

RIGHT!?

-

The next morning came faster than I would've liked. I walked through the school hallway with crust still in my eyes along with the vision of a 80 year old grandpa. People talked amongst their groups, some people's shoes were squeaking more louder than others, some juniors were running through the hall like it was a amusement park.

Same old hell.

Wouldn't be any different.

I adjusted my bag on my shoulder and kept walking.

Hina..

He called me Hina,

That's... Cute.

Stupid!!!

My feet began moving faster.

STUPID!!!

Suddenly, someone screamed my name across the hall.

Multiple people, actually.

"HINAAATTAAAAA"

I turned around, being greeted with practically 6 girls charging at me like bulls all at once.

"What the-"

Oh no.

No no no no no.

One of them immediately grabbed my sleeve before I could escape.

"You talked to the new guy yesterday, right?!"

"...Huh?"

"The white-haired one!"

"Komaeda-kun!"

"You were literally alone with him after school!"

My brain stalled for a second.

How the hell do they know that?!
"I-I mean..." I frowned. "We just studied chemistry."

The girls all looked at each other.
Then back at me.

Suspiciously.

"Just chemistry?"

"He probably pinned Komaeda-kun to the wall! They made out in a pure passion!! I'm so jealous...!!"

"OH em gee!! This totally reminds me of the bl I read last night!"

The girls squealed and pushed each other around, gasping dramatically as they freely expressed their weird fantasies about the people right in front of them.

"Hinata.. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BE A BL ACTOR!!" One said, making the whole friend group yell so loud it was piercing my ears like siren.

"What the hell is Bl?!" I blurted,

Another girl sighed dreamily.

"Ugh, you're so lucky though..."

I stared at her.

"...Lucky?"

"He's seriously gorgeous."

"Like actually unfairly pretty."

"And he's polite too..."

"His voice is sooo nice..."

"His hair looked soft."

"You noticed his hair too?!"

"Of course I noticed his hair."

Meanwhile literally two minutes ago they were accusing me of being gay.

Do girls have this problem where they have a crush on a guy but still want them to be gay?

Weird,

"...You guys are insane." I muttered.
One girl narrowed her eyes at me suddenly.

"Wait."

Uh oh.

"How did YOU even get close to him that fast anyway?"

"...What does that mean?"

"I mean he barely talks to anybody."

Another girl nodded aggressively.
"He literally rejected sitting with us at lunch."

"But he sat with YOU."

I opened my mouth.

Then closed it again.

Like I would know why the hell I approached him.

"I dunno." I muttered.

The girls stared at me harder, like I was supposed to make up an answer that would satisfy them.

"Kay but..isn't it pretty hot? The emo boy with the pretty boy"

"OH my god shut up girl!!"

They let out another unbearably loud laugh.

Then suddenly-

"Hina,"

Every single person near the classroom door froze.

That voice-

And that stupid nickname.

I turned around too quickly.

Nagito stood a few feet away holding his school bag loosely over one shoulder.

Morning sunlight spilled through the hallway windows behind him, lighting up the edges of his pale hair again.

How does he keep accidentally looking like a magazine cover.

His grey eyes shifted toward me calmly.

Then toward the girls surrounding me.

A small smile appeared on his face.
"...Good morning."

The girls immediately straightened up like they were in the military.

"G-Good morning Komaeda-kun!"

"Morning!!"

"Your hair looks really nice today!"

One of them literally shoved another girl out of the way.

Traitors.

Nagito nodded politely at them.
Then his gaze moved back toward me again.

"...Did you revise the chemistry notes properly?" he asked softly. "You can keep it for yourself, and we can use it whenever we're revising together."

All the girls stared at me dead in the eye, waiting for me to answer. Now, how the hell am I supposed to answer with NAGITO infront of me along with 6 different girls practically stabbing me in the stomach with the most nasty glare to exist?!

"Uh, ok."

Nagito blinked, tilting his head innocently.

"ok." He copied, a playful smile on his face.

"What're you doing, dumbass." I replied back in the same tone, flicking his forehead lightly.

"Ouch, " He yelped, brushing against the spot I hit.

"AHHHH OHH MY GOD ARE WE SEEING THIS?!"

"THIS IS SO HOT!! GYAAHAHHH"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU'RE SO EMBARRASSING!!!"

"Who're they?" Komaeda asked, hands behind his back as he looked over me to see the 6 girls yelling at each other on two guys having a normal interaction.

"They're weird," I mumbled, covering Komaeda's face with the palm of my hand, making him squirm trying to push it away. "Let's go to class before we're the only ones left in the hall with some crazy obsessed girls."

I quietly walked away while the girls were still fawning over whatever they were talking about before. I don't really care, just get me away from them already.

Nagito followed beside me calmly.

Their laughter echoed down the hallway.

I buried my face into one hand immediately.

"...This is a nightmare."

Beside me, Nagito laughed softly under his breath.

"Sorry."

"You're not sorry at all."

"Mhm."

I shot him a look
.
He was smiling again.

Not that fake polite smile.

A real one.

Small and amused.

Which somehow made things worse.
We turned down the quieter hallway near the stairwell, finally escaping most of the noise behind us.
For a second, neither of us said anything.

Only our footsteps echoed softly against the floor.

"So, you're seriously just cool when girls talk about you that way?" I asked,

"What way?"

"Like.. 'oh he's so hot he's probably making out with blah blah blah..'" I imitated mockingly, rolling my eyes at the thought.

"Not really, I think it's weird to view someone that way. Someone who you view more of a fantasy than a person." He explained, his tone remained calm, settled, held together. "Which is why I don't hang out with people who only seem to care about my image."

".. Then what makes me an exception?"

For a moment, he didn't seem to answer, just staring at the tiled floor like it was the most interesting thing to exist. "You don't seem to look at me the way others do." He finally responded.

"Oh." Was all I could've said, yet I didn't really know what he exactly meant by that. Could be anything for that matter.

Then... What's different from the way I see him from others?

I've only just met him, how can he just say that like it's a fact?

"You're the only person I've met so far that actually treated me like a person." He whispered quietly, barely loud enough to be audible.

Oh,

Is that what it is?

"What does that me-" Before I could continue, he cut me off, turning around to face me.

"Let's head inside now, we don't wanna be too late." He smiled, gently sliding the door open, I followed right after him, closing the door behind.

The class somehow passed faster than usual. Probably because it wasn't Chemistry, or because every single time I looked up from my notes, Nagito was there beside the window again, pen moving neatly across paper like he wasn't even trying. Everytime I accidentally had eye contact with him- he'd smile, like it was something he'd done on instinct. Something he commands himself to do with a press of a button.

By the time lunch ended and the next few classes dragged by, the entire morning felt weirdly... lighter. We sat in the library again, reading books I will never understand the meaning off, talking about music I'll never learn to shut the hell out about. Everything else sort of blended in together as a whole.

Next class was PE, when the teacher announced it, either everyone was cheering or groaning, I was somewhere in the middle. The locker rooms smelled like sweat and deodorant mixed together in the worst possible way imaginable. I changed quickly, tugging the sleeve of my shirt down before stepping out toward the field. I sort of thought about some fun things I could do with Komaeda during PE... Like badminton, football, basketball... All those fun activities. But, instead of that... He just sits down and doesn't do anything. He sat off near the benches beneath the shade instead, one knee pulled slightly toward his chest while he watched everyone else quietly.

... Not participating.

At first, I figured maybe he was just tired.

But... this happened more than once by now.

Once,

Twice,

Three times.

No way, he never had a single session of PE!

My eyebrows furrowed slightly.

It kind of annoyed me.

He'd never even talk to me about it, just go on with his day like it's not so OBVIOUSLY suspicious why he's skipping PE.

"...Komaeda," I muttered under my breath.

The PE teacher finally noticed too.
"Komaeda!"

Nagito looked up slowly.

"Why aren't you participating?"
A pause.

Then that same polite smile appeared again.

"I'm not feeling very well today."

The teacher crossed his arms.

"You've skipped EVERY lesson of PE for the whole 3 weeks you've been here." The teacher said, his voice loud and raspy.

Nagito's smile didn't move.

"I'm sorry."

The teacher sighed loudly through his nose.

"No more excuses. You're participating today."

Something in Nagito's expression shifted slightly.

Tiny.

Barely visible.

But enough.

"...Understood."

The teacher clapped his hands once.
"Alright then! Five laps around the track. Move."

Groans erupted immediately.

Five laps.

Not horrible.

But enough to suck.

I glanced toward Nagito instinctively.
He stood slowly from the bench.

Too slowly.

Like his body was heavier than it should've been.

The whistle blew.

Everyone started moving.

I fell into pace somewhere near the middle of the crowd.

And a few seconds later-

Nagito was beside me.

His breathing already sounded uneven.

"...You okay?" I asked quietly.

"Mhm."

Liar.

We kept running.

The first lap wasn't too bad.

By the second, Nagito had already fallen quieter.

No comments.

No smiling.

Just breathing.

Too fast.

His shoulders rose and fell sharply with every inhale.

Sweat clung against the sides of his pale face now, silver hair sticking slightly against his skin.

"...Komaeda," I muttered again.

"I'm alright." He panted.

Even though he clearly wasn't.

By the third lap, his pace stumbled.

One bad step.

Then another.

His hand suddenly pressed against his side tightly.

Something ugly twisted in my chest.
The people ahead barely noticed.

Some behind us laughed quietly.

"He's slowing down already?"

"I thought he was athletic 'cause he looked pretty."

Nagito kept his eyes down.

Still running.

Still trying.

Even while his breathing started sounding painful.

"...Dude, stop pushing yourself." I said.

"I'm fine."

Then immediately-

He coughed.

Harsh.

Sharp enough that it made me flinch.
His steps faltered again.

And then-

He stopped completely.

He tipped down to his knees, back hunched as he covered his mouth with his hand, the other supporting him on the ground, fingers clawing weakly at the concrete, trying to ground himself.

"Komae-"

He threw up.

The sound hit first.

Violent.

Raw.

Everything he'd been forcing down suddenly spilling out onto the pavement beneath him.

The field went quiet around us for a second.

A few students immediately grimaced.

"Eugh-"

"Oh my god."

"That's disgusting."

Someone laughed awkwardly.

Nagito stayed there on the ground, covered in his own barf, just... Defeated. His body was shaking, his face soaked in sweat pale and crumpled in misery.

I stood there, just.. staring.

This is the first time I've seen him this way.

The first time he's look so... disgusting.

It was human,

It was... different.

It was something I'd would've never expected from him.

His hair stuck messily against his face now, shoulders shaking unevenly while he tried catching his breath.
And weirdly-

My chest hurt more seeing him like this than when he looked perfect.

Because now I could actually see him.

Not the polished version everyone else stared at.

It feels like I've...

Seen a part of him I have never noticed before.

He just threw up,

He probably felt ill,

But the way he just sat there without even bothering to save himself some face made something inside my chest twist a little.

He didn't even bother trying to get up.

Yet—

"...Move," one student muttered behind us. "He's gross."

Something sharp immediately flared in my chest.

"The hell's wrong with you?" I snapped before I even thought about it.

The guy blinked at me.

I didn't care.

I stepped closer toward Nagito instead.

"Hey," I said quieter this time.

Nagito froze slightly.

Like he expected me to walk away too.

"...Sorry," he whispered hoarsely.
I frowned immediately.

"Why are YOU apologising?"

He fingers curled around the hem of his shirt, lips starting to shake. "Don't touch me, I'm fine.. Plus.. It's gross."

...

I knelt down in front of him, our fingers intertwined together, I didn't care about the vomit staining my hands. That wasn't what was important, not right now.

"I don't care if it's gross," I declared, like I was announcing a grand speech. "Just get up, I'll take you to the bathroom." My hands moved to grip his shoulders, tight.

Slowly-

His eyes lifted toward mine.

Grey.

Unsteady.

Vulnerable in a way I'd never seen before.

And...

I couldn't look away.

"...Come on." I muttered softly. "Let's get you cleaned up."

He stared at me for a second too long.

Surprised.

Almost like he was expecting me to look at him like how the others did.

"...You don't have to." he said quietly.
I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah? Well I'm doing it anyway."
For a moment, he just stood there breathing unevenly.

Then finally-

A small sound escaped him.

Not quite a laugh.., not quite disbelief, almost something in between them.

I grabbed his water bottle from beside the bench and handed it to him, his fingers brushed mine again.

"...Rinse your mouth first."

Nagito obeyed silently.

Behind us, only now that the gross part was over did people finally start crowding around.

"Oh my god are you okay?!"

"Komaeda-kun you should sit down!"

"Someone get the teacher!"

Funny.

Nobody cared until things looked manageable again.

He seemed to have noticed that too.

-

I dragged Nagito down the empty hallway toward the nearest bathroom, one arm wrapped around him while he weakly protested beside me.

"I-I'm fine..." he muttered between uneven breaths.

"No you're not."

His shoes scraped against the floor. His legs looked barely stable beneath him now, nothing like the graceful, composed person everyone else saw every day.

The bathroom door slammed open.
The fluorescent lights buzzed softly overhead as I pulled him toward the sinks. The smell of bleach hit almost immediately.

Nagito leaned heavily against the counter, one hand gripping the edge so tightly his knuckles turned pale.

His breathing still hadn't settled.

"...Ghh," I muttered quietly.

There was vomit on the front of his shirt.

A little near his sleeve too.

"You should change your clothes, you can't walk around in that the whole session."

...

He stood there staring at the drain, his hand on the tap like he was about to close it, yet something was stopping him from doing so.

"Why did you help me?" He suddenly asked,

I shrugged "That's what anyone should've done."

"No it's not," He said, in a more frustrated voice. "You don't need to care about me."

Something in his voice caught me off guard.

Not the words.

The way he said them.

Frustrated.

Almost upset.

Nagito's hand tightened around the edge of the sink. Water continued running quietly beneath his trembling fingers.

"What are you talking about-"

His shoulders tensed slightly. "Please, don't waste your time to help me, I can do it myself."

I frowned "You're trying too hard to act like you didn't need help you know."

I leaned on the sink beside him, slowly lifting my hand towards his face, tugging that one always loose strand of hair behind his ear again.

Nagito flinched.

Not away from my hand-

Just... startled.

Like he wasn't expecting to be touched gently.

My fingers brushed that loose strand behind his ear carefully, damp silver hair sticking lightly against my fingertips from sweat.

"...You're shaking," I muttered quietly.

His eyes widened slightly.

Then immediately lowered again.

"I'm fine."

"You're not-"

"I said I am!" He yelled, voice cutting through me, fists clenched so hard his knuckles turned white, his breathing became heavier, eyes refusing to look into mine.

Water kept running between us.

Nagito Komaeda,

Who are you?

Who really are you?

Am I really talking to the same person I did these past weeks?

If so, why do I feel like I'm only seeing something real right now?

Something... Imperfect.

Something real,

Something that felt so familiar yet so far away?

"Stop looking at me like that." He muttered, eyes blinking too fast to be natural. "It's so embarrassing.."

I stopped, taking a short step back, afraid I was too close. I looked at myself in the mirror, seeing Komaeda turned the other way. I couldn't see his face, just the fact his shoulders were trembling slightly.

"I'm sorry.."

"Just don't force yourself so hard next time, or else you'll really get hurt." I said, hands shoved in both my pockets, foot tapping against the floor awkwardly.

"... I have really bad stamina."

I turned back again, raising an eyebrow amusingly. "Could've thought so,"

"I don't really work out, so.. I'm not really good at those things." He chuckled weakly. "You know.. I've stayed in the hospital for a long time of my life, I've never really had the chance to be particularly good at anything." He let out a bitter laugh, finger nails clawing deep into his arm.

"Hospital?" I repeated, not expecting for him to say that.

For some reason, I couldn't picture it.

Couldn't picture him sitting in some white hospital room instead of glowing dramatically beside a classroom window like some kind of seraphim.

But now that I looked closer-

The pale skin.

The weak stamina.

How cold his hands always felt when I accidentally brushed against it.

The way he skipped PE constantly.

How exhausted he got after barely running.

Suddenly it all made sense.

"...Seriously?" I asked quietly.

"Hm.. Nah, I'm kidding with you."

"So, are you serious or not?"

Nagito shook his head, like he was expecting me to drop that crucial information like nothing. "Don't mess around with me, Nagito." I said, my voice came out so desperate it felt pathetic. "I.. It feels like you're always hiding something about yourself.. And its weird! I.. Care about you, you know that?" the last sentence slipped out before I could've stopped myself.

For a long moment, he just looked at me like I was brain dead. Then, a hint of red settled on his cheeks. "...Let's go, this place smells." He turned around, walking over to the door without another word.

"H-Hey! I didn't mean that in that kind of way!"

When his hand turned on the door knob, he whispered something-

".. Thanks."

It was so small I wasn't even sure if I heard it right.

But before I could even think about it, he closed the door right behind me, I reached out, standing there like I was having a dramatic play with the air.

Whats his deal?!

Stupid, I CLEARLY saw him blushing!!

Or was he just hot? -

Doesn't matter, I need to catch up!

"Hey! Komaeda, wait!" I called out, following behind him.

Why does he need to be so vague?! Dammit!!!

I shoved the door open, looking left, then right. Where could he have gone? DAMN IT!!!

No way he just walked away that quickly right?

But why would he be running away?!

DAMN IT!

My hands digged into my hair, purposely messing it up like it'd give me an answer.

Then-

The familiar ring of the school bell echoed through the building. Oh wow, was it really lunch time now? -

Before I could even process another thought, students came charging out of their classes, the hall starting from an empty quiet space to a zoo within seconds.

"O-Ow!-" Someone accidently bumped into me from behind, and then another from In front. That repeated about 5 times before I could finally force myself to squeeze through the crowd.

"Dammit.. Dammit.. DAMNIT!!! Nagito, where are you?!?!"

Maybe he just doesn't want to talk right now... Or was he uncomfortable when I touched his face?! DAMNIT HE DEFINITELY WAS!!! "UGHHHH!!!" I groaned in frustrated, practically pulling my own hair out.

"Hajime."

...

I slowly lowered my hands from my scalp, and looked up at the person who called for me.

"Oh."

Chiaki.

"Hi." I said, with a smile that didn't fully come out the right way, my back immediately straightened at the sight of her. She just stood there, staring at me to the point I couldn't tell if she was judging me or if she just thinks I'm stupid and weird as fuck, and that really wasn't going to make things less awkward for me.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"What does it look like?"

"Shouldn't you have been out of your PE clothes like... 10 minutes ago?" Chiaki tilted her head, her eyes softening.

"Well I'm currently having an episode here, so I think that'd be the last thing on my mind!" I gritted my teeth while explaining, trying to remain calm despite it being super obvious I was freaking out about something.

Why did I do that?! Ahhh I'm so stupid!!!

Chiaki hummed,"So, about Komaeda?"

I sighed "Who else?"

She put his index finger against her chin, thinking thoughtfully. "I saw him going into the locker room just now, so."

My head practically snapped up as she said that, "SERIOUSLY?!"

"Mhm."

At first, I wanted to chase after him.

But I stopped myself,

Maybe he just needed some time alone.

He... Seemed pretty upset, so.

"Uh.. Yeah cool.. whatever.. not like I care so.." I rubbed the back of my neck, "Maybe I shouldn't bother him for now.."

We both looked at each other, waiting for one of us to say something.

"Mhm,"

"Just shut up."

-

Chiaki and I ended up sitting across each other in the cafeteria, she didn't even bother to grab a tray of food. Instead, she chooses to be glued to her screen playing pixel shooting games like she was part of the world cup.

I yawned, staring at my food like it was somehow going to entertain me, my forked repeatedly stabbed into the tray of slop, lifting a spoonful that never ended up high enough to reach my mouth, the mushy clump dropped back onto my plate, and I spread it out towards all sides like It would somehow decrease the portion magically.

"Gross..." I muttered, poking it again.

Suddenly, I felt a warmer presence lean over my shoulder. Gentle, slow, almost as if afraid to frighten me-

"Hina-"

"GAHH-" I nearly shot my fork across the cafeteria.

So much for trying to look nonchalant.

My head snapped up.

Nagito stood beside the table.

Fresh uniform.

Hair fixed.

Face completely normal.

Kinda weird how he could just switch up like that so easily...

"OHH-.... Hi." I felt my lips twitch into a nervous smile, caught somewhere between surprise and embarrassment.

Komaeda smiled back, except it was careful and gentle, everything about it was perfect enough to have me drool in the mouth if he wasn't some kind of perfectionist poser or whatever.

"Can I sit here?" He asked, head tilting innocently.

"Yeah.. Sure"

Nagito let out something that was between a hum and a soft giggle, before sliding down to the seat beside me.

Not across,

Beside me.

Our shoulders gently pressed against each other, he slowly leaned forward, staring down at my tray of rubbery mash potatoes then back up at me. "You haven't ate at all." He said,

I groaned, staring down at my lunch like it was a personal offense. "I'm.. working on it.."

He sat up straighter, hands on his lap, with this pouty expression on his face. "You've been playing around with that the entire time I've been here!"

I sighed, resting my cheek against the palm of my hand as my fingers went to rub along the space between my eyebrows "Yea.. I- I know but.." My eyes glanced at my food again, and I practically gagged at the sight of it, "It looks like shit,"

Chiaki, for once in her life, looked up from her game. She looked like she was thinking... Hard, finally putting some sort of brain power to something that wasn't video games.

"Hm..." She hummed.

"What're you looking at?!" I pointed

She stared at between the both of us, eyes moving from left to right. I noticed the way we were sitting-shoulders pressed tightly against each other, Nagito's hand tugging on my sleeve, and how I didn't even realise how close he was actually sitting next to me.

"I understand," She finally said, nodding frantically.

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Mhm."

I rolled my eyes, my focus shifting back to Komaeda. "Sorry, she's always like that."

"She's really dedicated." Komaeda commented.

"On the wrong things." I chuckled, and couldn't help but smile slightly.

Nagito covered his mouth to hide another laugh.

Then his gaze shifted toward me again. "By the way ...Are you doing anything after school?"

I thought for a moment, fingers rubbing my chin.

"Actually."

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah, I do."

"Oh?"

"My sister needs help with homework."

Nagito blinked.

"You have a sister?"

"Uh.. Yeah, I do."

".. Ah, I see. What's she like?" He questioned, his eyelids seeming to lower, a small, interested smile on his face as he rested his elbow on the table.

"Well she's like- really annoying, she's kinda stupid and always steals my CDs," I described by doing random movements with my arms, "She's really a busy body, always coming into my room for no reason, yeah, teaching hers gonna be pretty annoying.. But I'm used to it."

"You'd seem like how I'd imagine an older brother."

Is he saying I'm like an older brother to him?

"Yeah, thanks.."

"H-Hina-" Nagito suddenly reached out to grab my arm, but before his hand even came in contact with my arm, he retracted it back almost as fast. "I came here to say something." He whispered, voice barely audible compared to the chattering and loud noises in the cafeteria.

".. Yes??.. Ye- Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about before," Nagito apologized, that same hint of pink back on his cheeks, his voice was... Somewhat quieter than normal, like he was afraid someone would overhear. He stared down at the space between us, and our fingers brushed together ever so slightly. "I shouldn't have gotten so frustrated, and I promise you it wasn't anything personal."

I waved my hand in the air, initiating it wasn't a big deal "It's nothing! - I swear, I mean you have a right to be angry right, those guys only gave a fuck when-"

He pressed a finger against my lips,

Heat immediately crept up to my face.

"Shh.. It's no reason to be talking bad about others." He said, waving away the problem like it's nothing. "I wanted to apologize after school, but considering you're busy.. I just thought I'd say it now, don't put too much thought to it."

"But.."

They treated him so rudely.

They only cared when it wasn't something involving getting their own fingers dirty for.

Doesn't that irritate him?

".. Uhm.. Ya know, you could come to my place."

Silence.

"What?"

"I MEANT, SINCE WE CAN'T STUDY TOGETHER AFTER SCHOOL WE CAN ALWAYS DO IT AT MY PLACE."

Nagito made a small understanding sound as he nodded. "Ahh, I see."

Nagito looked away.

Trying very hard not to smile.

"...I'd like that."

The words came out soft.

Genuine.

And for some reason-

That caught me more off guard than anything else.

".. Y-Yeah, great."

He snickered.

"Then I'll come after school."

"Cool."

"Cool."

"..."

"..."

Why are conversations so hard?

-

The other 2 hours at school wasn't anything special. The teachers just provided worksheets and suddenly it was something we 'needed to deal with ourselves.'

Some of Nagito's friend were sitting beside him, the same guys who talked shit about him during PE, pretending like it never even happened.

So I basically had zero chances to talk to him as of during those hours.

Chiaki? She was talking with Sonia. TALKING, like, why doesn't she ever talk to me? Am I that uninteresting to her?

Whatever, not like it matters if I sit with her anyways. It's always the same 'Okay' or 'Mhm'

MY ASS!!!

The only way I could convince Chiaki to talk to me is when I talk about video games I play. But besides that, she just nods and listens.

Sucks being a loner, I guess.

When school ended, everyone but me and Komaeda was left in the classroom, he sat on top of his table as he watched me sweep the floor.

I was assigned on cleaning duty, which sucks like hell, because why would you need to throw your dirty ass gum wrappers on the floor when the trash is barely a meter away from you?!

I glanced at Komaeda every few seconds, seeing him scroll through his phone quietly. Curiously, I carelessly threw the broom back into to the corner of the classroom, walking towards him before the broom even made a thud against the wall.

"What're you watching?" I peeked over his shoulder, but before I could even see what was on his phone, he hid it away faster than anything he's ever done with since the time I met him.

"Nothing, it's nothing." He said, but his tone and the way he hid his phone away wasn't convincing me.

I huffed, trying to read through his expression.

"Right.." I dismissed him, for now.

A few minutes later we were walking through the front gates together.
The afternoon sun painted everything gold.

Students crowded the sidewalks.
Cars rolled slowly past.

The normal after-school chaos.

"So your sister needs help?" Nagito asked.

"Yeah."

"How old is she?"

"Thirteen."

"I see,"

I shoved my hands into my pockets.

"She's smart."

Nagito looked over.

"But?"

I groaned.

"She's stubborn."

"Runs in the family?"

I almost tripped.

"You've known me for like a month."

"And?"

"...Fair."

Nagito looked oddly pleased with himself

-

About 15 minutes of walking, we ending up on my front door. We slipped off our shoes as I dug through my bag pocket to take out my keys. I slid it through the lock hole and turned, it made a soft click and I pushed the door open as I tried to take off my other shoe.

When we entered, Nagito's immediate thing to do was to look around.

It wasn't anything special, just a normal house, a decent sized TV, a dusty couch, some family photos.

Nagito couched down to see one of the little baby photos of me, I was eating rainbow ice cream and it went all over my face.

"You had the cutest smile as a kid." Nagito commented, as if that was the most casual thing ever.

I felt my face flush at that comment,

"Shut up dude.. I look dumb. "He laughed again,

"Come on come on, I'll lead you to my room," I said, already beginning to go up the stairs.

He followed behind me shortly after, leading up all the way to my bedroom.

When I opened the door, I immediately remembered-

I had a room.

And another person besides my family is actually gonna enter it.

But it was too late for second thoughts, cause I already swung my door open like I was some star of a show.

My room was messy.

Not dirty.

Just...

Occupied.

Posters covered parts of the walls.
Old game cases sat in stacks beside my desk.

A bunch of CDs that sit on the shelf of my desk collecting dust.

School papers were scattered across almost every available surface.

Clothes were thrown on the floor besides there being a perfectly good laundry basket RIGHT beside my closet.

Nagito slowly turned in a circle, taking everything in.

All the posters,

The dim lighting,

The unmade bed.

The headphones hanging from a drawer.

The old alarm clock beside my bed.

For some reason he looked fascinated.

Like he'd walked into a museum.

"...What?"

He smiled, "Nothing."

"You're judging me."

"What makes you think that?"

"... Literally everything."

Nagito reached over and picked up a photograph from my desk.

Me and Haruka.

A few years younger, both making ridiculous faces. When I graduated Primary school.

His expression softened.

"...You really care about her."

I paused.

"...No I don't ."

He laughed again "There's no need to be embarrassed, I think it's a blessing to have siblings that you can spend time with."

For a second something unreadable crossed his face.

Then it vanished.

"So, where is your sister?"

Suddenly, almost timed perfectly, a girl suddenly wrapped her arms over Nagito, causing him to stumble back in surprise.

"Hello!! I never knew Hajime had a girlfriend!"

GIRLFRIEND???

"HE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!"

"So, you're boyfriend?" She gasped, giggling almost ecstatically. "I didn't even realize you were a boy!! Wow!! I mean, if you weren't so tall I would've been convinced you were a girl!!"

"Haruka!! Can you give me some dignity?!" I yelled, forcing her off Nagito as she whined like a full on 10 year old.

"I.. I AM SO SORRY, NAGITO. She's just really excited... Yeah."

Nagito just laughed it off like always, swaying his hand in a way that showed it wasn't a big deal. "It's alright, it's alright."

"Anyway, what do you need help with again, Haruka?" I turned my head to Haruka, speaking in a more blunt tone.

"Well, it's actually a project, I'm painting for a school charity fair."

I blinked.

"Charity.. Fair?" I repeated.

She nodded.

"Why the hell don't you ask your friends or something to help you?"

Haruka shook her body from side to side. "Well, they all have different things they need to do so.. And either way, you said you'd help me right?"

"You said it was homework not some Bob Ross type of activity!!"

"Pleassee!! I need help with this!!" She pleaded, tugging on my shirt aggressively it felt like it was going to rip.

"No way! Do it yourself!!"

...

"Actually, I'd like to help."

Nagito said, his voice coming out soft and tender. Yet somehow, it cut through the air sharply, gaining both me and Haruka's attention.

"Really!?" Haruka's eyes sparkled, holding up Nagito's hands with hers."I already like you more than Hajime!"

"Tch," I rolled my eyes at the way she said it, obviously doing so to piss me off. "Are you sure about this, Nagito?"

Nagito shrugged, "Yeah, why not?"

"You can paint?"

"A little," He said, with this suspiciously wide smile on his face.

"A little?"

"Yep."

And since today, I learned that Nagito was a complete liar.

From what started with a board with colours that didn't make sense, drawing that were too small to even be noticed, and lines that were way too wiggly for their own good...

And with just a few strokes, hands that knew what they were doing-it turned out to be something that actually made sense, beautiful, in fact.

I stared crossed legged on the floor, staring in disbelief.

Nagito painted within the lines perfectly, his tongue sticking out slightly that showed how precise he wanted this entire thing to be.

The lines became clearer. The words became bolder, more sharp, more attractive.

Just... Better.

I stared,

Haruka stared,

Even the bird outside stared.

I mean, it wasn't Bob Ross impressive, but damn I wouldn't expect a hospital patient to pull this off.

Was that a bit insensitive?

"He's kinda good at this," Haruka whispered to me.

"Yeah, only kinda."

"No seriously."

Haruka grabbed the edge of the board dramatically.

"If I hand this in, my teacher's gonna think I hired someone."

Nagito laughed softly.

"I don't think it's that good."

I immediately threw a pillow at him, it landed square at his face.

"Oof-" He yelped.

"Stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Acting like everything you do is something anyone else could normally pull off."

He looked genuinely confused.

And that somehow irritated me in a way.

-

By the time the project was finished, the sun had already started setting.

Orange light spilled through my bedroom window.

The room felt warmer.

Softer.

Haruka proudly carried the completed board downstairs like she'd just won an international art competition.

"Don't bend it!" I yelled.

"I KNOW!"

Nagito watched her go.

Still smiling.

"...She's cute."

"Don't even start," I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms.

We then moved on to studying. The most boring part of the day that Nagito somehow made bearable. We didn't just study Chemistry today, we studied stuff like math... Graphs that I was still somehow stuck on since 8th grade, algebra that I was still figuring how to solve X on.

Nagito somehow understood everything.

Of course he did.

I hated him.

Not really.

But a little.

"How do you know this already?"
He looked up from his notebook.

"I read ahead."

"Why?"

He blinked.

"Because that's what the chapters are for."

What kind of answer was that?

Who voluntarily reads chemistry?

Psychopath.

As Nagito wrote down some notes, he sighed, whispering something about a 'day off today.'

"What did you say again?"

His eyes widened slightly, like he got caught speaking out his thoughts "Oh, nothing."

My eyes squinted at him suspiciously, but I didn't budge it.

Hours passed.

The sky outside turned dark.

The only light left came from my desk lamp.

Haruka eventually wandered back upstairs.

Then wandered away again.

Then wandered back again.

Mostly just to complain about being hungry.

Which was fair.

Because now that I thought about it...
I was hungry too.

Nagito suddenly closed his textbook.

"...Hina."

"Hm?" I responded. He said that stupid nickname again, for some reason I got used to him calling me that, not really questioning why he did.

"I realized that you didn't eat lunch today at school."

I laughed weakly, scratching the back of my head, "I mean, I'd rather starve then eat shit coloured mashed potatoes."

His cheeks puffed, "Well, you're sure to be hungry right?"

"You didn't eat either, Nagito."

Komaeda stared at me for a second too long, his legs weren't swinging as much as they were before, like he had just been caught doing something he just realised himself.

Then, the side of his lips curl, that same, stupid smile, that somehow always came up when things became even slightly complicated to explain. It's always there allowing him to easily slide through the situation without any explanation.

"Silly, Hina. It's okay, we can just make something for you, I wouldn't want you to starve you know."

He leaned in, close. A bit too close.

"A.. Ahh.." I whimpered.

Too close,

I can't speak properly...

He's doing this on purpose...!

Nagito tilted his head.

Still way too close.

Close enough that I could see every loose strand of hair that fell across his face

Close enough that I could feel my brain actively shutting down.

"...Were you trying to say something?" Nagito asked, raising an eyebrow with this more annoyingly teasing smile on his face.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"No."

His shoulders shook again. That bastard was laughing at me. I grabbed the nearest textbook and pushed it directly into his face.

"GO MAKE FOOD OR SOMETHING."

"Oof!" He yelped, "Got it!"

He stood up immediately, with that ridiculously annoyingly CUTE smile on his face. He turned the door knob, and left the room like he owned the place.

I groaned,

What's his deal?

-

The moment Nagito stepped into the kitchen, it became painfully obvious he knew what he was doing.

Not "I can make instant noodles" levels of cooking.

Actual cooking.

The scary kind.

The competent kind.

The kind where people don't need to constantly reread instructions every ten seconds.

Haruka sat on a stool watching him like he'd descended from heaven.

Meanwhile I leaned against the counter with my arms crossed.

Suspicious.

Very suspicious.

"Where'd you learn how to cook?"

Nagito glanced over. "Hm?"

"Where did you learn how to cook?" I repeated in a more dragged out tone,

".. My mom used to teach me some of her recipes," He said, knife cutting the spring onions in smooth, balanced and practiced motions.

Each slice cut through the silence sharply, each slide neat and perfect.

"Oh.. That's pretty cool."

Komaeda the type to rarely talk about his parents, or anything about himself for that matter. It's either he gives really vague answers, or something is always missing from his answers.

I wonder...

"Hina?" Nagito called out,

I flinched, shaking my head abruptly "WHAT?- What? S.. Sorry I was just day dreaming."

"Hmm, I get it, things like these get quite boring, don't they?"

"W-What? - NO I didn't mean it like that I was just.. Thinking.. NOTHING IMPORTANT THOUGH."

He snickered, "You don't need to pretend, Hina. I'm not gonna be mad about it."

I groaned, feeling a certain heat start climbing up my cheeks again. Why did he make me feel so annoyed yet flustered at the same time? Why does he need to laugh and smile at everything?! I can't tell if he's serious or making fun of me anymore.

"What's with this Hina thing?" I suddenly asked,

Not because I was overthinking about it,

More of so because I've just been letting him call me that for so long,

I didn't ask, and he didn't mention a thing about it.

He just proceeded to call me that nickname like it's something normal guy friends do all the time,

Normally, guy friends would call each other stupid names or so,

He's giving me a nickname that makes it looks like we're a couple.

"Huh, well.. I just think it suits you. Do you not like that?"

My shoulders straighten, realizing he took it the wrong way. "NO! Not at all, it's just.."

It's cute,

It's so cute,

Why does he have to be so cute?!

I don't like guys, I can never be seen liking one!

"Its.. Just.."

Cute.

"It's weird."

Silence.

Haruka's eyes widened as she quietly listened in to our conversation.

Komaeda stopped halfway of cutting through the spring onion.

He stared at me for a second too long-

"I.. I didn't mean-"

Then, he laughed.

That same, casual, laugh.

Like everything was normal,

Like his face didn't falter a second the moment I said that.

"You could've just said that you know!" He said, now giggling softly as his laughter slowly started to die down.

For a second-

I felt my stomach drop.

Not because he laughed.

Because for that tiny moment before he did-

His expression changed.

It was quick.

So quick I would've missed it if I blinked.

The knife stopped moving.

His shoulders stiffened.

His smile disappeared.

Just for a second.

And then it came back.

Perfectly.

Like it had never left.

"...Right."

The kitchen suddenly felt a lot smaller.

The sizzling pan filled the silence for a moment.

Haruka looked between us.

Then wisely decided not to say anything.

Which was honestly terrifying.

Because when Haruka stopped talking, it usually meant she was collecting information for future blackmail.

Nagito returned to cutting vegetables.
The rhythm started again.

Tap. Slice

Tap. Slice

Tap. Slice

Like nothing happened.

Like I didn't just accidentally make things weird.

I rubbed the back of my neck.
"...Sorry."

"Hm?"

"I didn't mean it like that."

He glanced over.

Silver hair falling slightly into his eyes.

"Like what?"

"...You know."

"No, actually."

Of course he was gonna make me explain it.

I groaned.

"I mean... weird weird."

"What other kind of weird is there?"

"Don't do this."

His smile widened.

"I genuinely don't know."

"Liar."

Another laugh escaped him.

For a second I caught myself staring again.

At how easy it was for him.

Smiling.

Laughing.

Being comfortable.

Being whatever the hell he wanted to be.

Meanwhile I couldn't even handle a nickname without my brain short-circuiting.

It was stupid.

Really stupid.

It was just a nickname.

People got nicknames all the time.
But every time he said it, it felt...

Different.

Personal.

Too personal.

And I hated how aware it made me.

The way some girls at school kept making comments didn't help either. Every time someone joked about us, I immediately wanted to deny it before they even finished speaking.

Like I had something to prove.

Like I needed everyone to know exactly what I wasn't.

Even though nobody was actually accusing me of anything.

The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I shoved it away immediately.

Stupid.

It was stupid.

Nagito was just Nagito.

And I was just me.

That was all.

"...Then what should I call you?" Nagito suddenly asked.

"What?"

"If Hina is weird."

His voice sounded genuinely curious.
Like he was trying to solve a math problem.

"Then what do you want me to call you?"

"...Hinata."

"That's boring."

"GOOD."

Haruka immediately burst out laughing.

Nagito looked mildly disappointed.

Which somehow felt worse.

"Hinata, could you pass me that bowl?" He asked, completely shameless.

I handed it to him,

Not much was there to say.

-

Two warm bowls of udon were placed on the table, steam curling gently from the surface.

Each ingredient was placed with care, the egg was perfectly soft boiled as it simmered above the broth.

The egg yolk popped between the tip of my chopsticks, as it oozed out satisfyingly, coating the noodles with a silky layer, adding in.. the noodles were pale and glossy, I took the small bottle of soy sauce, tilting it over, letting out a salty drizzle over my noodles.

"Looks good," I said, not sounding too surprised at this point.

He was good at painting,

He was good at teaching,

He was good at serving face despite throwing up all over the floor while running.

What could he do next? Could he fly? Could he secretly be a prince? A government experiment of some sort?

I lifted my chopsticks, taking the noodles into my mouth. As expected, they were nice, flavorful, and warm.. just how I like them. I chewed for a moment, swallowing afterward.

".. Aren't you gonna eat, Komaeda?" I asked while chewing.

"I'm okay."

My frowned at that. Almost immediately, I lifted another bite and held it up to his mouth. "Eat."

He looked taken aback at first "Seriously I'm fine-"

"Just do it," I insisted, not letting him say otherwise.

After talking back and forth for about ten seconds, he sighed dramatically before accepting the noodles.

And for some reason-

For some stupid reason-

The sight made me weirdly happy, like I'd won something.

I picked up another bite and lifted it up to his mouth again.

He blinked, a bit surprised, but didn't protest. He leaned in slower this time, and I felt his breath against my fingers as he took the next bite.

"That's enough, Hinata-"

I lifted up another bite anyway, "Eat it,"

He sighed, having no other choice, he slurped the noodles from my chopsticks again.

I could practically feel Haruka staring in awe.

-

I helped washed Komaeda wash the dishes afterwards,

It was the least I could've done for all his help today,

Time had passed faster than I'd thought. The short arrow on the clock already pointed at 9, the orange sunset had already turned dark.

Then he gathered his things near the front door.

The house felt quieter suddenly.

Like someone had turned down the volume.

I stood Infront of the doorway as he put on his shoes.

"...Thanks for having me over today. " He said,

"It wasn't a big deal." I shrugged.

"Still,"

For a moment, neither of us moved. Just stated at each other awkwardly like always.

Then- Komaeda slowly turned away.

"Bye bye, Hinata."

Then, Haruka suddenly appeared out of nowhere, like some type of horror movie character.

"Bye Hajime's boyfriend."

Nagito chuckled, giving a small wave. "Bye."

I waved back,

His smile widened,

Then eventually-

He turned and started walking home.

I stood there longer than I needed to.

Watching until he disappeared down the street.

Then immediately went back inside before anyone could make fun of me.

Haruka was already laying on the couch like she had no bones. "Man, you're so lucky bro."

I raised an eyebrow, "What the hell does that mean?"

"Well, you got a pretty ass boyfriend."

"HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND," I pointed offensively, "AND WHO SAID YOU COULD SWEAR?!"

"Dude I'm 13 I can say whatever the hell I want!"

...

-

Something about today felt a bit different.

Or... It was just me,

Classes seemed to have just blended together,

People talked,

Teachers yelled, gave worksheets,

But nothing really highlighted in my brain today,

Nanami was too busy with her games,

Komaeda was too busy with the other students,

And I was just sitting there like always,

Not really fitting into any consistent group.

Today's after school studying wouldn't really count as studying either.

Me and Komaeda studied for about 20 minutes before we started talking about useless things. Parents, least favourite teachers, favourite games and music, embarrassing moments I wouldn't have had the guts to bring up to anyone else.

Well.. I was talking the most out of the two of us.

I never knew I had that much to complain about.

Even if it was the most useless things,

Like how my mom broke my iPad when I was 11.

Or when Haruka opened the bathroom door without knocking and caught me putting on eyeliner.

Stupid stories I would have never mentioned to anyone.

But here I am, sharing them with someone like him.

But something seemed... Different about him.

He was norm but.. Something about it didn't feel the same as it usually did.

The way he replied seconds late,

The way he'd look somewhere else halfway during a conversation.

He wasn't getting bored, was he?

"Are you okay.. Komaeda?" I asked halfway talking about something that probably felt self-centered.

He wasn't looking at me again, the expression on his face felt almost... Concerned?

"K.. Komaeda?" I called out again, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

"Huh? - I'm fine, I'm fine." he reassured, but something still felt wrong.

"Are you sure? You seem a bit-"

His chair scrapped against the floor,

He stood up abruptly.

"I gotta go now," He said, "I just remembered my dad needed me to help him out with something."

"..Oh," Was all I said,

".. Bye," He said, already turning away before I could've said it back.

He left without turning back.

And I was left alone.

"..."

I sat there by myself, just... Thinking.

He acted a bit weird today,

Was it my fault?

I buried my head into my arms, groaning about something that weren't quite words.

Maybe he's in a bad mood today.

-

By the time I got home, the sky had already darkened.

The smell of dinner greeted me.

Mom was home today, for once.

I slipped off my shoes and placed them on the highest row on the shoe rack. I could see Haruka smirking at me from the dining table, which probably meant she was planning something dangerous.

"Mom, I'm home," I announced.

She just nodded, looking at her phone, not even giving me a glance.

A plate of bland food was placed on the dinner table.

It looked cold,

Like it had already been there for hours, but I didn't mention anything about it. Not like talking about anything to my mom would have any benefits anyway.

I sat down, feeling more uncomfortable than usual- the table was quiet, too quiet in fact. It went on like that for about 3 minutes before Haruka gave me that weird look again.

"So, how was studying with your boyfriend?"

I chocked, "WHAT?"

Haruka immediately burst into laughter.

Mom looked up from her food, glaring at me from across the table. "Who?"

"Uh.. UHM.. my friend." I said.

Haruka grinned "They spend a lot of time together you know."

Mom sighed.

"There's no way Hajime is dating a boy."

For some reason, I felt my heart drop.

The statement came out casually.

Matter-of-fact.

Like discussing the weather.

Haruka shrugged.

"I didn't say he was."

"Because he isn't."

Mom continued eating.

"He'll probably end up with some nice girl eventually."

Something about the conversation suddenly felt different.

Heavier.

I stared down at my food.

"Mom..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

She smiled slightly.

"Besides, I know my son."

The conversation moved on.

Haruka started talking about school again.

Mom listened.

Everything returned to normal.

But the words stayed.

Stuck somewhere in the back of my mind.

I know my son.

There was nothing cruel about how she said it.

Nothing angry.

Nothing hateful.

Just certainty.

Complete certainty.

Like there was only one correct future.

One correct answer.

One path.

I had no choice for myself.

But... It wasn't like I liked him or anything. I don't like Nagito because I'm normal!

He's just my friend after all.

Right?...

-

The phone buzz didn't just interrupt the moment.

It erased it.

Not loudly.

Not dramatically.

Just... cleanly.

Like someone had taken an eraser to the air between us and wiped the conversation away.

Komaeda looked down at his screen.
And for a second, I thought he might ignore it.

That would've made sense.

He always acted like things like that didn't matter.

But instead, his thumb hovered.

Still.

Frozen.

Too long.

".. Hinata." His voice was quieter than before, less playful, no longer teasing. Just... blunt.

"Hm?"

"I have to go."

".. Again?"

He's been leaving earlier and earlier recently.

I tried to brush it off, thinking he might have just been busy. But... now it kind of feels like he's trying to stay away from me on purpose.

"Oh." I blinked. "Right. Yeah. Sure."
It came out faster than I meant it to. Too casual, like I didn't really care. Which was... fine, I was used to people leaving me alone all the time.

Yet, Komaeda didn't leave immediately, he stood there staring at his phone, like he was looking at something he didn't want to think about.

Then slowly, he slipped it back into his pocket.

And smiled.

That same smile.

The one that always showed up like a mask snapping into place.

"Sorry," he said softly. "Something came up."

"It's fine," I said quickly, too quickly I fact. He probably noticed too.

His eyes narrowed just slightly, like he was trying to read something behind my voice.

But then-

He didn't push.

Of course he didn't.

He never pushed.

That was his thing.

He just nodded.

"...See you tomorrow, Hinata. "

And then he walked away.

Just like that,

No little wave,

No smile,

I watched him leave longer than I needed to.

Long enough that I probably looked stupid standing there.

Long enough that I could've called him back.

But I didn't.
Because what would I even say?

"Hey, why are you weird sometimes?"

"Hey, why do you disappear like that?"

"Hey, why do I feel like you're always leaving before I can actually reach you?"

Yeah.

That would've gone great.

He'd still probably find someway to avoid the question so, why try?

It's not like it was my business what was going on in his life.

Yet somehow, time seems to slow down when I think too much about him.

Walking home was like walking through an endless hall you could never see the end of.

My head wouldn't shut up,

It kept replaying things.

His voice.

His smile.

The way his fingers had tightened around his phone.

Like it mattered more than anything I said.

Which was stupid.

Obviously it mattered more.

It's his life.

Not mine.

But still, something sat wrong in my chest, like I've missed something obvious, something I was supposed to notice.

But didn't.

I pushed the door open.

Shoes off.

Bag down.

Familiar sounds.

Familiar routine.

Empty house.

Looks like no ones home today.

I went to my room,

I locked the door shut,

I threw my bag on the floor,

And I stared at the ground like it personally offended me.

I told myself it didn't matter.

It shouldn't matter.

It's just a friend.

Just someone I study with.

Just someone I talk to.

That's it.

That's all.

But my chest didn't agree.

The next day felt worse.

Not because anything changed.

But because everything stayed the same.

Too normal.

Too quiet.

Like the world had decided to pretend nothing happened yesterday.

Komaeda was already at school when I arrived.

Same place.

Same posture.

Same smile.

Like nothing had shifted at all.

"Good morning," he said.

"...Morning."

He acted normal.

Too normal.

Which somehow made me more aware of everything that wasn't.

The way he didn't mention yesterday.

The way he didn't bring up leaving early.

The way he avoided his phone completely.

Like it didn't exist anymore.

We studied after school again.

Or tried to.

It turned into talking halfway through.

Then silence.

Then talking again.

Nothing deep.

Nothing important.

Just noise to fill the space between us.

But the space felt different now.

Slightly farther.

Slightly colder.

Like something had stretched it without either of us noticing.

"I need to go now," Komaeda said, already packing his bags.

I sat there, watching him slowly pack up his bags to leave.

It just keeps getting earlier and earlier,

We talk less and less,

Not because I didn't want to,

But it just felt awkward knowing I'm the only person who's trying.

Just as he was about to leave, I called out. "Komaeda! -"

He stopped, and blinked at me.

I didn't like how he'd been acting recently,

That tone,

That smile that barely reached his face.

The way he kept distancing himself further and further away from me.

...

How do I reach him?

"Why do you always act like this?"

How can I understand him?

"Do what?"

How can I..

"Like nothing ever matters, the fact you never tell me about anything."

How can I truly find you, Nagito?

His fingers tightened slightly on his notebook.

Just for a second.

Then loosened again.

And he smiled.

But it didn't reach his eyes.

"It isn't anything important, Hinata."

That should've been the end of it.

But it wasn't.

Because for the first time-

I didn't believe him.

Not even a little.

And somewhere in that silence, I realized something I didn't want to think about too much.

The more I tried to get closer to him-
The more it felt like he was already halfway gone.

It made me upset,

It really did,

But it wasn't my place to know what he was doing in life.

But he could atleast tell me something!

I thought:

Why do you keep leaving earlier day by day?

Are you busy or are you just sick of me?

".. Yeah, sorry, I was just wondering." Was all that ended up coming out of my mouth.

I couldn't bring myself to confront him,

Not yet.

-

Days passed,

Things felt like they haven't changed,

But they definitely did,

Komaeda kept leaving early as usual, always the same excuse 'it's nothing.'

The others were small things,

The kind you only notice when you start paying too much attention.

Komaeda still came to school.

Still sat in class.

Still answered when spoken to.

Still smiled when people looked at him.

But it was like he'd started doing everything one step behind reality.

Like his body was present, but something else was slightly delayed.

Off-sync.

At lunch, we no longer sat as close as we usually did.

Back just a few months ago, we'd accidentally touch shoulders, share each other's food, laugh together as the most unfunniest jokes.

But now, he sat in a distance that could be described as safe.

Not noticeably far.

But I noticed,

Of course I noticed.

I kept staring at him during class, more than I'd like to admit.

Every time I looked away, I ended up looking back.

Like something about him had changed shape slightly and my brain refused to accept it.

We still hung out but...

It just didn't feel the same anymore,

It feels like he's too busy with everything else he forgets that I'm here

Wondering about him to the point it's driving me crazy.

After school, we studied in the library instead.

It was quieter there.

Too quiet.

Even our voices felt wrong if they went above a whisper.

Bookshelves towered around us like walls that weren't meant to move.

Komaeda was doing math.

Or pretending to.

His pencil moved slower than usual.

Pausing.

Losing track.

Then correcting himself.

Then pausing again.

"Are you tired or something?" I asked.

He lifted his head, "I'm fine,"

"You wrote and erased that line 4 times already."

"You have a good eye," He giggled, twirling his pen between his fingers.

Somehow, the way he said it didn't feel like how he did before.

It was more flat,

Like he was forcing himself to speak that way.

Like he was trying too hard in general.

I started noticing it more.

The instant denial.

The immediate smile afterward.

Like he was repairing something before I could see it break.

Silence stretched between us.

Longer than it should've.

I felt like I should say something else.

But nothing came out right.

So I just sat there.

Listening to the faint scratch of his pencil again.

Like the conversation had never happened.

That night, I couldn't sleep properly.

No matter how loud I blast music into my ears, I couldn't get rid off Komaeda from my mind. He wandered in my mind like he lived there rent free.

It bothered me,

I didn't want to waste my time on someone who doesn't feel the same for me.

But at the same time,

There's something I don't know about.

Something deeper than just annoyance being masked as being busy.

The way his smile would fall when conversations ended,

The way he'd slightly doze off in class randomly,

The way his smile never even reached his eyes.

It was all too obvious for me to dismiss like that.

But how can I know anything if he won't tell me?!

"Urggh.." I pressed the sides of my headphones hard against my ears, hoping it would block out any other thoughts I have of him.

The next morning, Komaeda wasn't at his seat yet.

That was the first thing I noticed.

The second was the empty space beside it.

Unusual.

Small.

But wrong.

"Hey," I asked one of my classmates, "where's Komaeda?"

They shrugged.

"No idea. Aren't you supposed to know?"

My eyes widened, "Why would I?"

They shrugged again, "You're the one who gets the advantage to talk to him 24/7."

"That doesn't mean anything!"

Eventually, he did show up anyway. He was slightly out of breath, hair a little off.

Uniform perfectly adjusted like always, but something about him felt rushed.

As if he'd had to rebuild himself quickly before entering the room.

" Sorry I'm late," he said softly.

Teacher nodded.

That was it.

No questions.

No concern.

No follow-up.

Just accepted.

But I noticed his hands.

Slightly unsteady.

Just for a second.

Then still again.

I couldn't be the only one noticing this, could I?

After school, I managed to catch up with him in the hallway. "Komaeda-"

He turned around, "Hm?"

"You were late to school today.. Is.. Everything okay?" I asked, despite knowing what type of answer I'm going to get.

"I overslept a bit," He laughed softly.

I stared at him.

He stared back.

Waiting.

Polite.

Careful.

Like he already knew I wouldn't push further.

And I hated that I didn't.

"Whatever," I muttered.

He nodded.

"Sorry."

Then he walked past me.

I walked forward as well, no longer looking back.

That should've been the end of it.
But it wasn't.

Because now I'd started noticing something else.

He didn't just leave early sometimes.
He disappeared in between things.
Between classes.

Between conversations.

Between moments where I expected him to still be there.

Like he was slowly building a pattern I couldn't fully see yet.

And every time I almost reached it-

He smiled.

And it stopped.

One afternoon, we were walking again.

Same route.

Same sunlight.

Same everything.

But it didn't feel the same.

"Don't you think you've been a bit quiet recently?"

".. Oh, have I?"

"... Yeah,"

"You're looking into it too much."

I didn't say anything back afterwards.

His fingers were clenched slightly at his side.

Just enough for me to see.

Just enough to notice.

And then-

For a second-

He looked like he wanted to say something.

Really say it.

Not the usual soft answers.

Not the careful smile.

Something real.

Something heavier.

But instead-

His phone buzzed.

And just like before-

Everything stopped.

He opened it to check, and I heard him curse something under his breath. His expression shifted ever so slightly, "...I have to go," he said.

Again.

Same words.

Same tone.

Different day.

This time, I didn't answer immediately.

I just watched him.

Shoving everything in his bag,

Throwing his things back into his pencil case,

"...Right," I said finally.

He hesitated.

Just for a second.

Like he expected something else.

Then nodded.

"...See you."

And left again.

Another day, Komaeda didn't come to school.

People miss school sometimes, it's normal.

It happens.

But it kept happening,

Again and again and again.

"He's not here again?"

"Mhm" Chiaki replied.

"Did he not say anything?"

"Nope."

"..."

The next day, he actually came.

But he looked almost... Exhausted.

Yet he was still somehow smiling, and something about that just tells me something was wrong with him.

Very wrong.

I was planning to ask him what happened after school but...

He wasn't there,

He left early, without telling me anything?...

I took out my phone, typing a quick message:

"Are you okay?"

Once I did, my fingers clenched tightly around my phone.

How could he have just left me like that?

Not even a warning or anything.. Just.. Gone.

I waited hours, no reply.

Then, he didn't come to school again the next day,

And the day after that,

And the day after that day,

I didn't even hear anyone talk about it as much as I expected them to.

It was like he never existed at all.

Which was odd,

Because everyone used to talk to him,

Everyone used to mention him when he was in school,

Now, I barely even hear anyone talking about him.

At a certain point I began staring at his empty seat instead of listening to the lecture Infront of me.

The teacher called me out to answer a question,

I got it wrong,

A few people laughed,

And it made me even more annoyed than I was before.

By the second week, I felt something inside me begin to snap.

No calls,

No messages,

No replies,

He completely ghosted me.

What happened to 'See you tomorrow, Hinata?'

You liar,

You absolute liar.

When the final bell rang, I slammed my notebook shut, harder than necessary.

"Hajime?"

I looked up,

"Chiaki?.."

She wasn't holding her video games today, she was actually looking at me face to face.

"You've been acting weird lately."

".. Me?"

"Eversince Komaeda stopped coming to school, you kind of looked a bit more frustrated."

I groaned, "How could I not?"

"..."

"He's ignored all of my messages, like he's completely gone from existence! He could be dead by now and we wouldn't even know!" I yelled out, letting my frustration get the better of me.

I really was hurt by him,

Because I thought we were friends,

Friends don't hide things from each other like this, do they?

Chiaki stared for a long moment, like she's seen this type of problem before already but doesn't always know how to exactly deal with it.

"... He'll come back."

"How do YOU know that?!"

...

I sighed, "I'm sorry, it's just.. I'm confused why he wouldn't tell me anything, I thought we were friends..."

"Maybe he's just indifferent towards you."

Indifferent.

He couldn't, could he?

We had so much,

He was the only person who was there to talk to me when no one else wasn't.

And now.. apparently he doesn't even give the slightest care about me?

That couldn't be...

The word 'indifferent' raced through my mind to the point I couldn't even sleep myself.

I didn't want him to feel that way towards me.

I wanted.. to be friends, to be something.. Closer.

But in the end,

He never came back,

Not even a note to tell us he was okay.

Just... Gone.

No one talked about him.

The girls who used to gossip over him had probably moved on to someone else.

The guys who sat next to him didn't feel particularly concerned either.

Teachers mentioned him during attendance, then moved on.

They all moved on so quickly,

And I'm still here, hoping for the day he might come back.

I'd stare at our messages, hoping for something, anything.

But nothing ever came.

On the fourth week was when the school finally decided to do something about his absence.

My homeroom teacher stopped me after class.

"Hinata."

I looked up,

"Yea?"

She adjusted her glasses.

"You spent a lot of your time with Komaeda, don't you?"

My chest tightened slightly "I guess so,"

"Have you heard from him?"

".. No, miss."

She frowned.

"Nothing at all?"

".. Yeah."

She shook her head,

"I reached out to his parents and they didn't seem to answer. If you have any insight on what may have happened to him, please let me know."

I nodded, "Yes ma'am."

The conversation between the teacher and I stuck in my mind.

She didn't ask Chiaki about it,

Nor the girls who were obsessed with him,

She asked me.

Me.

Because... I was the closest to Komaeda.

Apparently.

But the truth was, I didn't know anything about him as much as I thought I did.

I don't even know where he lives.

...

I knew what shampoo he used,

I knew he liked drawing sometimes,

I knew he pushed that stupid loose strand of hair behind his ear when he was nervous.

I knew he laughed whenever conversations became too serious.

I knew his stamina sucked.

I knew he hated making people worry.

I knew he'd spent years in hospitals.

But I didn't know where he lived.

Which was inconvenient and ridiculous to even think about.

How had I never asked?

How had I never noticed?

Every single time we'd walked home together-

He left first.

Every.

Single.

Time.

And I'd just...

Accepted it.

Like an idiot.

The rest of the day became impossible to focus on.

I started asking people, asking if they knew where he lived or not, or any simple IDEAS on where he could be.

It was all the same answers.

"Nope."

"No idea."

"I wish!!"

Another shrug.

Another no.

Another dead end.

By lunch I was getting frustrated.

By the end of the day I was angry.

Not at them.

At him.

Because somehow he'd managed to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

Popular.

Recognized.

Talked about.

Yet nobody actually knew him.

After a few days, I found something. It wasn't anything huge but.. It gave me an idea.

One of the office staff had accidentally left attendance sheets on a desk.

I wasn't snooping.

Okay.

I was absolutely snooping.

But it wasn't my fault.

Mostly.

My eyes skimmed over names.

Addresses.

Emergency contacts.

Then -

Nagito Komaeda,

I nearly screamed as I read that name.

Finally,

Something.

A chance to see him!

I looked around, making sure no one was looking.

Coast is clear.

Good.

I looked back down.

The address wasn't complete.

Part of it was covered by a splatter of correction ink.

An apartment complex name.

And a district.

That's it.

Not much.

But it was something.

For the first time in weeks-
Something.

That afternoon I found myself standing at a bus stop.

Which was ridiculous.

Completely ridiculous.

Because what was I doing?

Following clues?

Looking for a missing friend?

Who does that?

Apparently me.

When the bus arrived, I stepped on so fast I nearly tripped over my own shoe lace. I got onto a random seat, it didn't really matter to me who it was.

I travelled all the way to the designated location, which was not even 10 minutes away from here by vehicle.

But by the time I got off, the sky had already darkened. I ended up on this more eery side of town, where trash was thrown on the side of the road and buildings looked like they were already starting to crumble.

I never expected for someone like Komaeda to live in an area like this.

It just.. never fit his vibe.

I walked a bit further ahead- and eventually, I ended up in this old apartment complex.

If you could even call it that.

The building looked old.

Not charming old.

Just old.

Concrete stained by years of rain.

Balconies rusting.

Windows mismatched.

A flickering hallway light near the entrance.

I stared.

This couldn't be right.

There's no way Nagito can be living in some old apartment that literally looks like the shit I pick out of my ass.

I thought I'd be something.. Brighter, something similar to the way everyone saw him. Not this mess.

I caught an old woman standing outside the apartment complex doing some stretching she was probably too old for.

Maybe she had an idea where Nagito lived.

I slowly approached her with caution, in wary of any danger that may occur in places like these.

There's no way Nagito is safe living in a place like this, is he?

I'm not saying the apartment looked horrible itself, but the area doesn't really look like the safest place to live in most of the time...

Whatever, focus Hajime, find Nagito!

"E.. Excuse me?" I waved the elderly woman, "Do you have any idea where.. Nagito Komaeda may be? He has white and pinkish hair.. He's about as tall as me." I described it simply.

She stared at me for a long while, like something about what I just said delayed for 10 seconds in her world. "... Number 28."

She said in an old, raspy, worn out voice.

"O..Oh, thank you." I bowed thankfully, quickly sprinting out of the scene like I was expecting some old lady to put a trash bag over my head and kidnap me.

The stairs creeked each step up the stairs, I could feel the pressure of my foot against the surface and each step I was telling myself it will probably break and my cause of death will be 'fell through staircase.'

I saw a sign reading from room number 20 to 30, which I assumed number 28 was on this floor. I began walking through the quiet hallway, my feet making a small tap each time my feet stepped down on the pavement.

My heart beat harder with every step.

Until finally-

I stopped.

Apartment 28.

Komaeda's apartment.

I stared at the door, long.

My phone clutched in hands,

Thinking to myself : is this right?..

No, it had to be.

I don't know why but...

It would relieve me just a bit to see him one more time.

I lingered by the door, hand half-raised, before finally knocking. The sound came out weak and uneven, betraying my nerves.

"Komaeda,"

I called out softly,

"It's me.."

My fingers lingered against the door, like I'd somehow reach him if I tried hard enough.

"People have been asking where you've been."

Nothing.

I waited.

I tried again,

I waited again,

I called out to him again,

I probably looked pathetic,

But I wanted to see him,

No matter what!

I needed to make sure he was okay atleast.. Right?!

I felt my stomach drop each time my calls weren't answered.

But then-

I heard something,

A small shift beyond this door,

It wasn't much,

But it was hope.

I froze,

"Komaeda?.."

I sniffed, "Please.."

Another noise came, a soft cough.

And suddenly every bad feeling I'd had for the past two weeks came crashing down at once.

Because someone was inside,

And they didn't want to come out.

I knew someone was behind this door, I could hear them, I could feel them.

"Nag..ito, I'm here for you. So please, let me in.. Please."

I begged, I pleaded,

For anything.

Just anything.

"OPEN THE DOOR ALREADY!" I slammed the door hard, "You left for weeks! Can't you have said anything?!"

Then- I heard something again, a voice barely above a whisper.

"Go away."

My fists clenched, "So you are in there," I concluded, my voice cracking in the worse way possible. "Nagito, just tell me you're okay, anything."

Then-

A small creak,

The door finally had a crack open,

Big enough that I could see the grey eyes of the boy who I thought had died.

He looked tired,

He didn't even try to smile,

In fact, he just looked annoyed, tired, exhausted all at the same time.

It was weird,

I was used to Nagito smiling whenever he saw anyone, maybe wave a little, anything but this.

He couldn't even look me in the eye, he looked shameful, disgusting.

Yet, more beautiful than I have ever seen him.

"Hinata."

My chest tightened.

Weeks,

More weeks than I could've count.

Searching for him.

And that was all he had to say.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

The words left my mouth before I could stop them.

Nagito blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Then immediately looked away.

"...You should go home."

My fists clenched, "No! Komaeda you don't understand!-"

"Hinata-"

"No!"

I shoved the door wider before he could close it.

His eyes widened.

The apartment behind him was tiny.

Too tiny.

A couch.

A table.

Boxes.

A pile of work uniforms.

Instant noodle containers.

Bills scattered across the counter.

My stomach dropped.

This was how he'd been living?

For a second Nagito looked embarrassed.

Then frustrated.

Then angry.

"Get out." He clearly stated.

But that idea wasn't going through me no matter what he said.

I took a step inside, "You left, earlier and earlier."

Silence.

"You stopped answering messages."

Silence.

"You stopped coming to school."

Silence.

"I thought you hated me," My voice cracked again when I said that.

Maybe I was right, he did hate me. He probably hated my guts for finding his location so I could bombard him with questions without any kind of warning.

But he didn't warn me anything when he didn't come to school for weeks.

"You could've atleast told me, hell, text me."

Nagito froze.

For one brief second-

His expression faltered.

Then the wall came back up.

That stupid smile.

That stupid smile I hated.

"Hinata-"

"Just stop it," I cut him off abruptly, I was trying not to yell, I was trying not to feel angry, I tried to keep things understandable.

But how was I able to do that when he still pretends nothing has happened despite the world around us, around him?

I was angry, I was upset, I felt betrayed by the only person who bothered to talk to me at school.

The only person who never cared about the rumors.

The only person who didn't see me as a bad guy for doing something like that.

"Stop with everything, stop pretending like you're okay, I know you're not, Nagito. Just look around you!" I raised my voice again, "No one could even breathe normally living somewhere like this!!"

His smile disappeared almost as fast as it came.

"...You shouldn't be here."

"Then tell me where you've been."

Silence.

"Nagito."

More silence.

My hands clenched.

"Tell me." I said, softer this time, reaching my hand out to touch him.

Then, he flicked my hand away.

Not lightly,

With force,

I was taken aback slightly,

The Nagito at school would've never done that.

He would've just smiled and got away with it.

That's how it always worked,

But, not this time.

I saw him grit his teeth, like he was holding something back.

Something that was already forcing him.

A chain that he could no longer contain the box it protected.

And then-

It snapped.

"What do you want me to say!?"

I froze,

Because he yelled.

Actually yelled.

His voice echoed off the apartment walls.

"What do you want from me?!"

His breathing became uneven.

"What was I supposed to do?!"

He took a step forward, shoving me back against the balcony wall.

I let our a sharp gag as I stumbled back,

My head lifted up weakly, my eyes caught in his.

Tired,

Annoyed,

Frustrated,

Angry,

"K.. Komaeda- please.. -"

His fists clenched.

Then unclenched.

Then clenched again.

Like he couldn't decide whether to run away or keep talking.

Then, he lifted his hand up in a ball.

It came crashing down on me,

Again,

Then again,

And on the fourth one, he was shaking like crazy.

"You keep trying to talk to me like one conversation would fix anything that's going wrong with me!"

He pulled on my collar shaking my head back and forth.

It hit the wall a few times,

"Why do you keep trying?!"

But somehow that pain didn't seem to matter,

Not anymore,

"Tell me, would you have been able to help me when I couldn't pay rent?!"

Another shove.

Harder.

"Would you have been able to help me when I couldn't even afford food some days!? "

His hand grabbed my shirt again,

"And what was I supposed to do?!"

His voice cracked.

"What was I supposed to do, when my mom and dad thought I would be a whore when I grow up because I couldn't do things others could!??"

He panted, already breathless from his words.

I was left on the tiled floor, covered in the wounds Komaeda scarred me with.

"What was I supposed to do?.. When mom died and dad no longer wanted me?"

Tears slowly began to prickle at the corners of his eyes. "Who was I supposed to ask for help with these things?"

He laughs weakly, a laugh that could barely last a second before he turned back to the state he was in before.

Something in my chest hurt.

Actually hurt.

"I.. I'm sorry..."

I gagged, feeling the bruise start to ache, "I had no idea what you were going through.. And I know I can't fix anything that's going on, nor do I understand it.."

I felt tears start to form in my own eyes as well, "And I never imagined how much you would have been going through.. Because I know nothing about you.. Komaeda.."

Komaeda blinked, then a laugh came out again, pitifully, like he thought I was pathetic. "Of course you don't, you were never meant to."

...

"Because nobody ever stays when they see who I really am!

The words were almost a scream.

"They only like it when I'm nice to them!" He swung me around me around pathetically by my collar, "They only like it cause I don't bother them with my own problems!"

His fist hit my chest.

Not hard enough to hurt.

Just desperate.

"They like the smart version!"

Another hit.

"The nice version!"

Another hit,

"The one you never needed to worry about!"

His voice broke completely.

"But me?!"

His hand twisted in my shirt.

"Me?!"

Tears finally spilled down his face.

"What the hell is there to like about me?!"

And suddenly I understood.

This wasn't about rent.

"Just look at me, Hinata."

Or school.

Or work.

I.. Finally understood.

This was about every single person who ever made him feel like being himself wasn't enough.

The next hit never landed.

I grabbed his wrist.

Not to stop him.

Just to hold it.

His entire body froze.

"...Nagito."

"Don't."

His voice came out tiny.

"Please don't."

"Don't what?"

His eyes squeezed shut.

"Don't look at me like that."

And suddenly I remembered the bathroom.

The exact same words.

Stop looking at me like that.

Back then, I hadn't understood.

Now I did.

He was scared.

Not of me.

Of being seen.

I pulled him in, closer.

"I don't want you to hide this part of yourself from me anymore." I took a few strands in his hair, curling it up around my fingers as I brought it up to my lips.

"Tell me everything there is to hate about you Nagito."

".. No.."

He looked seconds away from running.

"I'll love it all."

"Stop lying—"

"I like you, Nagito."

His entire face crumpled.

Not elegantly.

Not beautifully.

Just shattered.

"What is wrong with you?" he choked on his own words.

He laughed through tears.

"What kind of confession is that?"

"A stupid one," I muttered, "But I wanted to tell you otherwise... because I realised my feelings for you were more than a friend's."

Another laugh escaped him.

Then another.

Then suddenly he was crying again.

Actually crying.

And for the first time since meeting him—

He wasn't trying to hide.

"...I was scared."

"I know."

"I thought I'd ruin everything."

"I know."

"I thought if you got too close you'd realize I wasn't worth it."

Something in my chest hurt.

So I reached up.

Tilting his chin towards me.

Grey eyes.

Red from crying.

Completely vulnerable.

And somehow—

More beautiful than he'd ever looked standing in a classroom window.

"Hinata..?"

I pulled him in, closer.

Our faces were inches apart.

"... You can just call me Hina."

His eyes widened. The his lips curled in a pleading expression. "You said it was weird."

I chuckled quietly, "I meant it was cute, but.. something just made me say that I— I didn't mean to hurt you, seriously."

Then, for the first time ever—

He smiled at me,

The smile I was looking for all this time.

The one that actually meant something.

I found it.

I found him.

"Just be quiet.." I whispered.

I slowly leaned in, giving him any moment to have pulled back.

But he didn't

I felt his lips twitch hesitantly; nervously against mine,

But soon enough, he gave in, accepting my lips on his.

And for the longest moment, I felt a sense of relief after weeks of worrying about a boy I convinced myself hated me.

—

The apartment felt different when we got back.

Not quiet exactly.

Just... still.

Like everything that had happened had finally caught up to us.

We ended up sitting on the couch together without really talking. My shoulder brushed his every now and then, but neither of us moved away. For once, neither of us seemed interested in filling the silence.

I glanced over at him.

His sleeves were pushed up.

That's when I noticed them.

Thin scars ran across his arms. Some were faded and barely visible unless the light caught them. Others looked newer.

My chest tightened at the sight,

Nagito seemed to follow my gaze.

His hand instinctively moved toward his arm.

"...They're ugly, aren't they?"

"No."

The answer came out before I could think.

He blinked.

I looked away.

"No, they're not."

Silence settled between us again.
I rubbed my hands together nervously.

There was something I'd been trying not to say for weeks, maybe months.

After everything that had happened today, it felt pointless to keep pretending.

Pretending I was normal.

Like I was the same as everyone else.

"You know, my mom always told me that I am never going to date a boy." I let out a quiet laugh. "I always found out it was weird, because I never thought that way for myself... But she convinced me otherwise."

I stared at the floor.

"I wanted to be good for my mom, I really did."

It feels stupid realising what I'm trying to say right now.

"But, does being good really worth the cost of being unable to be with the person I liked?"

But I couldn't stop now.

"Friends don't think about each other the way I thought about you."

My throat felt dry.

"I worried about you all the time."

I laughed weakly.

"I got jealous."

A pause.

"I liked being around you more than anyone else."

Another pause.

"And every time somebody asked if I liked you, I'd deny it so fast it was embarrassing."

I finally looked at him.

"I liked you."

My heart was pounding.

"Not as a friend."

Nagito stared at me for a long moment.

Then his shoulders relaxed.

Just a little.

Like he'd been carrying something heavy and finally set it down.

"I liked you too, but.." Nagito's breath hitched slightly, "I thought you wouldn't like me once you knew how I really acted."

"Don't be stupid," I slapped his shoulder lightly. "I didn't like when you ignored me either."

He chuckled a bit at that.

The conversation drifted after that.

Eventually he started talking about things he'd never told me before.

The rent.

The insurance.

Stuff about his dad,

Stuff about a friend back in middle school,

The extra hours he'd been working.

Why he'd missed so much school.

I listened.

The more he talked, the more crazier things came out of my mouth. I felt angry at that.

Not at him.

More cause of the people that treated him like shit,

When he finally stopped talking, I leaned back against the couch.

"Okay."

He blinked.

"...Okay?"

"We'll figure it out."

His eyebrows furrowed.

"We?"

"Yeah. We."

"Hina—"

"You can stay at my place whenever you need, I mean.. If I were you I'd be dead in a place like this."

His mouth opened.

I cut him off.

"You're eating my food whenever you need to."

"Hina—"

"And we're figuring out the child support thing."

I folded my arms.

"I'm serious."

He stared at me.

"We'll figure something out."

For a second he looked like he wanted to argue.

Then his expression softened.

The kind of look that made my chest hurt.

"...You really mean that?"

I frowned.

"Obviously I mean it."

His cheeks huffed slightly, like he was still against the idea but had no choice.

He knew I wasn't going to let him die alone like that.

—

Things didn't pass easily,

But it wasn't horrible.

Change came slowly in it's own way,

You find yourself getting better eventually,

Maybe a day you can be able to sleep for a few more hours than usual.

A day you felt like eating,

A first paycheck from your new job.

The relief you feel when you can be able to pay rent without counting every cent.

Little things you only realize when you look back on it.

Nagito began going to school again as well.

Everyone was excited to see him back,

He still decided to stay hidden from his classmates, though.

He just thought it would be easier for him to not have anyone else involved with his life.

I don't blame him, I guess.

With me, he was way more quiet, he didn't force his voice as much as he did with others. He didn't try to smile all the time around me.

He didn't try being someone else around me,

Atleast from what I'd know.

Some days, he would already seem exhausted before the final bell rang. Days he would stop mid conversation before he continued like nothing happened.

Days he would stop mid-conversation just to look at something else.

Then, turn back like nothing happened.

Days where he might carry more weight on his shoulders than normal.

But this time,

He had someone by his side,

Me,

I'm nothing special,

But seeing him happy was already enough of what I needed now.

I'll do anything to see the smile that reached his eyes, the smile that wasn't there for the sake of it.

A smile that told me he was happy.

Not a smile that was supposed to convince me there was nothing to worry about.

He was doing better,

He wasn't amazing,

He wasn't just surviving,

He was living,

Some days, I'd convince to come to stupid places to spend our money on.

It wasn't going to help in life,

But he deserved to experience something else besides the need to survive.

Once, I took him to a roller coaster park, he got sick after one ride and eventually just rode on the carnival ride the whole time.

Little things like this,

Little things to appreciate,

That was how you live.

One Saturday, I wanted to invite Nagito to a dog cafe that had just opened nearby.

"So, it's a cafe full of dogs!"

"Hmm, sounds pretty unsanitary." He said calmly, trying to put a led inside his mechanical pencil.

"But you like dogs,"

"I never said that."

"You totally did."

He thought for a moment, "Hm, I guess I'll take a day off today."

I nudged his shoulder, "You totally should, you've been working hard lately, cooking me and Haruka dinner, working from twelve to six."

"I worked from twelve to nine on my last job."

"That doesn't make it any better," I said jokingly, rolling my eyes."

We ended up going as soon as school ended,

The moment we stepped inside, a golden retriever practically launched himself on Nagito's lap, causing him to fall back.

Nagito gasped, his eyes widening as it lolled its tongue out, panting in excitement.

"Ow, you nearly broke my butt there.." He giggled softly, hands gently going through it's fur.

A worker came in a hurry and apologized to him, but he laughed it off and said it wasn't a big deal.

The entire afternoon we spent our time playing with the doggies instead of eating.

Some would come between our legs and snuggle itself on us.

Some dogs would bark at Nagito and only stop when they get his attention.

He looked happier than I've seen him in months,

I couldn't imagine the sight of stupid dogs bringing such a big smile to his face.

One of the smaller dogs climbed onto his lap,

He froze it for a moment before gently scratching it behind its ears.

"I had a dog like this,"

He said softly,

"Clover."

A more tender smile appeared on his face this time.

"He was my only friend, he was the only one who was ever there for me when I was a kid."

"What happened?"

He didn't say anything for a few seconds,

Just gently petting the small dog in its lap like it was precious.

Then—

"Life happened."

I didn't ask anything else,

The way he said it told me enough.

The dog on his lap nudged his hand,

Nagito laughed quietly and continued to pet it.

"It's so cute, isn't it Hina?"

"Hm, I think you're cuter."

He froze, looking at me as his face began turning red.

Then, he breathed in, and out, continuing to pet the dog like he wasn't affected by my words.

"That's silly."

—

The sun had already started dipping behind the buildings by the time we left the café. The sky was the color of peach tea, soft and warm, like the whole day had been exhaling.

Nagito walked a few steps ahead of me, his hands tucked into his cardigan pockets, humming something I couldn't quite make out. There was still dog fur on his sleeve - probably from the dogs that wouldn't stop getting all over him

Without thinking, I reached out and brushed it off.

He turned, smiling like I'd just been caught doing something nice on purpose. "You're always looking out for me," he said.

I shrugged. "Someone has to."

He tilted his head, eyes gleaming. "And here I thought you just liked touching my sleeve."

I sighed. "Don't make it weird."

He laughed - light, unguarded. The sound made something in my chest loosen. A few months ago, that laugh would've felt impossible.

For a while, we just walked. The air smelled like roasted beans and wet concrete, a mix of coffee from the café and the faint promise of rain. The streets were almost empty, except for the occasional car or the bark of a dog somewhere in the distance.

"You know," Nagito said, breaking the silence, "I had a lot of fun today, I'm glad you were willing to take me out."

"Don't make it sound like I'm forcing you damnit, you're my boyfriend.. I should and WANT to hang out with you."

Nagito just chuckled awkwardly, "Y-yea.. my bad."

Before I could really think about my own words, I suddenly spoke:

"You know..there's a holiness in your suffering. Every fracture of you seems to glow somehow."

Nagito stopped walking. For a second, I thought I said something stupid again, something that crossed a line. Then his eyes widened a little, and his lips curled into the faintest, trembling smile.

"That sounds.. familiar," he thought to himself.

"It's nothing," I muttered, putting my hand on his back initiating to move forward.

"But I swear it is!"

"Nope," I said, shoving my hands into my pockets.

I looked at him again, really looked at him. His eyes were bright in the fading sunlight, that same mix of fragility and hope I could never quite name, muttering about some 'But I swear I know reference..'

We'd been walking for a while, our shadows stretching long against the cracked pavement. Nagito's hair caught the wind as he walked ahead of me - pale strands glowing faintly in the last light of the day.

"Your hair's getting long," I said.

He turned halfway, a little surprised, then smiled like it was nothing. "Is it?"

"Yeah," I said quietly. "It's kind of... wild."

He touched it absently, as if just noticing. "I guess I stopped paying attention." His voice softened. "Say, could you cut it for me, Hina?"

"Say what?"

He pointed at himself.

"My hair."

I stared at him,

Then the mass of white hair tied into a ponytail by a single green ribbon

Then back at him.

"No."

"Why not?!"

"I'll ruin your hair,"

"No you won't!"

"You don't know that, Nagi!"

Nagito tilted his head.

"Hina,"

"No,"

"Hina,"

"NO,"

"Hina!"

Twenty minutes later after we got home I was on the balcony, Nagito sitting on a small chair Infront of me, along with a scissor and a comb in my hands.

Of course I gave in,

Of course.

"You're impossible."

"You said you would do it,"

"You're manipulating me!"

I hesitated before I started, my fingers brushing against his hair. It was softer than I expected— thin, but warm. He closed his eyes.

Perfect, soft, silky.

It fell onto the floor in soft white strand with each snip.

The room remained silent except for the sound of scissors,

Occasionally, I'd ask Nagito what he wanted,

All the answers ended up being—'Anything you want.'

Probably because he didn't care about what the haircut really looked like,

But more of the feeling of letting something go,

Not forgetting,

Not erasing,

But more like improving,

The improvement of learning that you can rely on people besides yourself.

The improvement of learning to accept yourself to others, maybe just a little bit.

Eventually, I set the scissors down.

"I think that's the best you're getting, go look in the mirror."

As I led him to the mirror, he raised a hand and ran a finger through his hair.

It wasn't amazing,

There were many uneven cuts and blocky strands that didn't seem to fit in right,

But he looked amazing, still.

He always did, somehow.

He stared at himself in the mirror for a long time,

Then, he smiled.

Small,

Genuine,

The kind that didn't seem forced.

"I think I like it."

I folded my arms.

"Good."

His eyes met mine through the mirror.

For a second neither of us said anything.

Then he laughed softly.

"I think it's a good change."

The words sounded simple enough.

But something about them lingered.

As if they meant more than the hair scattered across the bathroom floor.

Looking at him then, I thought maybe they did.