Chapter Text
The whole Thing, as Jongho would come to think of it, started on a Tuesday evening during a period of rare free time in their schedules. Or, well, that was when it started from Jonho’s perspective—when he became aware of it. When most of them did.
Hongjoong had sent a text to the group chat that everyone needed to be in the dorm at 9 for a group meeting, with no further explanation. When they’d all gathered on the couches, pretty much everyone looked as confused as Jongho felt, with a couple clear exceptions. Wooyoung wore a steely poker face while Yeosang, tucked into his side, looked at the floor.
After a brief awkward silence, Hongjoong cleared his throat and said, “So, I became aware of something today that I think everyone here deserves to know about, because it could affect the group.” He was looking around the room while he talked, making brief eye contact with everyone, but his eyes kept darting back to Wooyoung and Yeosang. “And I’m not trying to pass judgment or anything! I just think we need to be transparent with each other or we risk conflict.” There was a brief pause, during which he made eye contact with Wooyoung. “Do you want to tell them, or…?”
Wooyoung huffed a little before looking around the room and announcing in a flat tone, “Hyung walked in on me and Yeosang having sex today. So he thinks everyone needs to know that that’s a thing that’s happening. And I think he needs to learn how to knock.”
There was a brief eruption of noise as everyone reacted. Jongho found himself having to work very hard to get his brain to stop conjuring visuals of what exactly Hongjoong might have walked in on. By the time he got a handle on it, their Captain had quieted everyone down.
“I did apologize for not not knocking,” Hongjoong said, looking a bit peeved, “but let’s not get off track. I’m not going to tell you guys you can’t do this, because it isn’t my place; it isn’t any of ours”—he shot a brief warning look around the room as he said this, presumably in case anyone disagreed— “but I think we can all see how this is potentially problematic for us, so I just wanted to—”
“Problematic?” Wooyoung interrupted, looking annoyed himself as he put his arm around Yeosang, who looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him up. “Hyung, you just said you weren’t going to judge!”
“That’s not—” Honjoong started, but Wooyoung interrupted him again.
“Besides, this is the opposite of problematic. It’s, like, the ideal scenario, if you think about it.” There was a beat as Wooyoung’s words sunk in.
“Ideal scenario?” Seongwha didn’t sound quite as confused as Jongho felt, but that was probably because it was Seonghwa.
“I mean, think about it,” said Wooyoung. “Would you rather we were going out to bars to find hookups? Or sleeping with other people in the industry? Anyone else we could be with, there’s the potential for a scandal if we’re seen together too much. But unless Dispatch starts actually breaking into our dorm to catch us in the act, no one will ever have any reason to suspect the two of us. It’s expected for us to be seen together all the time. Even if we accidentally get more touchy in public, it’ll just be seen as fanservice.”
There was a brief moment of silence as everyone took that in. Seemingly spurred on by the lack of immediate pushback, Wooyoung continued. “I mean, sure, maybe the ideal scenario would be for us to completely abstain from any intimacy with another person for the entirety of our careers, but we all know that isn’t realistic. Most idols are sneaking around. We’re just doing it in the way that’s least likely to get us caught. This is a good thing, guys.”
“...That’s a fair point, Young-ah,” says Seonghwa, after a moment, “but I think what Joong meant was that he’s worried about how this might affect your dynamic in the group. What if one of you gets hurt?”
“You don’t have to be fucking someone to hurt them,” said Wooyoung bluntly.
“What Woo means,” Yeosang said, finally joining the conversation, “is that the two of us have been really close for a really long time, and the new…physical aspect of our relationship doesn’t really change that. Any fight we might have now isn’t going to be any bigger than some of the fights we’ve had in the past, just because we’re…”
“...intimate,” Wooyoung finished for Yeosang, poking him in the side with a smirk. Yeosang was blushing fiercely but he smiled as he looked down again. “Anyway,” Wooyoung continued, “even if you guys don’t approve, it’s not like you can make us go back in time and un-start this. It’s happening and we promise it’ll be fine, OK?”
There were some murmurs of assent from the group, everyone seeming mostly convinced.
“So, are you two…dating now?” Yunho asked. Jongho was glad he did, because he had been wondering, too. The thought made something in his gut twist slightly, though he tried to ignore it.
“Nah,” said Wooyoung, leaning back on the couch and looking much more relaxed now.
“So it’s just physical?” asked San, and Yeosang made a face of distaste.
“No,” said Wooyoung, “I don’t like that; it makes it sound like we aren’t important to each other. We’re…friends who love each other a lot and also have sex. That’s the only label we need for now.” Jongho nodded along with everyone else even though he didn’t really understand at all.
“Oh, and we aren’t exclusive, either,” Wooyoung added with a smirk. “Like, neither of us is currently sleeping with anyone else because of all the scandal issues we’re all so familiar with, but I am a slut at heart, so. If anyone else wants to get in on the ideal situation, they should talk to me.” His eyes swept around the room as he said it; Jongho ducked his head down before they could get to him.
Hongjoong laughed nervously. “Alright, very funny, Woo—”
“Not joking,” said Wooyoung with a grin.
More noise erupted around the room after that, but Jongho wasn’t listening to any of it. His mind was too full of questions like Did he really mean that? Did that offer really apply to all of us? and responses to said questions, like Of course not and Maybe it applied to some of us, but obviously not you.
The meeting wrapped up after that, with everyone generally returning to their rooms. Jongho instead went to the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea he didn’t want, to avoid going back to his room. The room he shared with Wooyoung and Yeosang.
He just didn’t know what he would say to them. How he should act. Surely they wouldn’t want him in the room, anymore, would want privacy. Should I offer to move out? he thought. Maybe I could move into Mingi’s room. No, Mingi would hate that, there’s a reason he has his own room. He spent a moment going through all the other rooms in his head, none of which had the space for another person. He tried to tell himself that he was being ridiculous, that their rooms were assigned, so, even if Yeosand and Wooyoung were annoyed at having to share with him, it wasn’t really his fault and there wasn’t anything he could do about it.
But then his brain conjured another issue. What if he walked in on a scene like Hongjoong had earlier? The thought made him flushed and hot all over and guilty and he couldn’t stop imagining—
He took a sip of his freshly-brewed, too-hot tea and it burned his mouth, which grounded him a little, helping him out of the weird mental spiral he was in. You’re being stupid again, he berated himself. Obviously they’re not going to be doing that right after the band meeting, when they know everyone is home and are probably expecting you back in the room any minute.
With his new resolve (and after a couple minutes of drinking the tea and building up courage), he walked back to their room and knocked on the door. He didn’t usually knock on his own room’s door, but it seemed like the thing to do now. He heard a quiet “come in” from inside, so he did. He found Yeosang alone inside, sitting on his bed and looking antsy. Wooyoung was probably in the bathroom, then.
“Hey!” said Yeosang, springing to his feet as soon as Jongho entered the room. “I was wondering where you went.”
“Ah,” said Jongho, internally freaking out as he tried to come up with a justification for his absence; he hadn’t expected for it to be noticed at all. He went with a watered-down version of the truth, because he couldn’t come up with anything better. “I just…thought you two might want some privacy?”
Yeosang looked upset at that, for some reason. “Oh no!” he said, “We don’t need—I mean, I would never want you to—” he cut himself off and took a deep breath. “I was worried this would happen,” he said eventually. “I don’t want you to be afraid of coming back here. It’s your room too, you know? And I know this is probably weird for you, but I promise we’ll do everything we can to avoid making you uncomfortable.”
He looked so worried, and Jongho immediately felt terrible for making him feel like that. “I’m not!” he rushed to reassure him. “It’s fine! It’s…good! I’m happy for you guys!” And that was at least partially true—the two of them had seemed so content all wrapped up in each other towards the end of the band meeting, and it had been nice to see that, but there had also been that twisting in his gut he didn’t understand. He worried that his face was doing something other than looking happy, though, based on Yeosang’s concerned expression. “I just…didn’t want to intrude. In case you guys needed some time alone?”
“Jongho-yah, you’re not intruding in your own room,” he said, looking a little sad. “And you don’t need to start knocking on your own door, by the way—why did you knock before you came in just now, anyway? I thought you were someone else.”
“Oh,” said Jongho, feeling wrongfooted yet again and not understanding why. Surely the answer was obvious? “I mean, Wooyoung-hyung made a big deal about Hongjoong-hyung not knocking, so I just trying to be respectful of that and not…cause the same issue?”
“Oh, god,” said Yeosang, shaking his head. “Of course you’d be worried about… Listen, Wooyoung likes to play up the ultra-horny act, but I promise he can actually control himself. We both can. And we’d never start something in this room if there was any chance of you walking in on it, I promise. We check everyone’s schedules—the thing with hyung only happened because everyone was supposed to be out but his meeting got canceled and he wanted to borrow something, but we’re going to be even more careful moving forward. We really don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Especially you.”
Yeosang reached out to hold Jongho’s shoulders—lightly, carefully, like he always did, reminding Jongho why he let Yeosang touch him more than any of the other hyungs. His expression was so earnest, and this whole interaction was going so differently than Jongho had expected, but he felt himself relax a little all the same. Yeosang still wanted him around. Wooyoung, too, maybe. It was nice to hear, even as he read between the lines. They would never risk doing anything with him around, but they clearly wanted opportunities to have sex. So he just needed to make himself scarce.
-
In the coming weeks, Jongho got very good at disappearing. He spent a lot of time in San and Yunho’s room playing video games, and it was good, mostly. He’d always liked hanging out with San, and they discovered that they could usually beat Yunho at Mario Kart if they worked together and put more effort into sabotaging him than actually winning themselves. And his outrage was funny every time. He did miss his own room, sometimes—the soft rug Wooyoung had picked out, the smell of Yeosang’s perfume—but it wasn’t bad.
He learned after a couple days that he needed to tell them where he was going, first. He returned from a long shopping trip with San to find that his roommates had apparently been waiting for him, with Wooyoung asking where he had been. They’d wanted to watch a movie together and had texted him, but his phone had been on silent and he hadn’t noticed.
“Sorry, I’ll check my phone more next time,” he said, feeling perplexed and a little dejected that they were upset with him rather than appreciating his efforts to give them more alone time. “But I’m sure you had more fun watching it just the two of you, anyway.”
“But how could I have any fun not knowing when my precious jjongie-bear would come home?” said Wooyoung, putting on a cutesy voice and trying to pinch Jongho’s cheeks. He dodged out of the way and laughed, sharing a put-upon look with Yeosang. But it clicked for him then. Yeosang had said that they checked everyone’s schedules. Of course they wouldn’t be able to properly take advantage of any alone time if they didn’t know where Jongho was or when he would be back. This whole evening had probably been so annoying for them—sitting in the room together, watching the hours tick by, thinking about what they could have been up to if only Jongho had picked up the phone and given them a concrete answer of how long he’d be gone.
So, he started making a point of letting them know where he was going and for how long. It made it a lot harder to just disappear, and some of the conversations were awkward as he tried to figure out how to give them the necessary information without being obvious about what he was trying to do. But he got better at it.
Sometimes they’d ask him to join them for something, and he’d come up with an excuse to say no, slipping in a timeframe for how long his excuse would keep him away. It was difficult at first because he didn’t really want to refuse, he missed spending time with them—but as time went on, it became a habit. It helped that sometimes Wooyoung would shoot him a wink as he was leaving, as if to communicate that he saw what Jongho was doing and appreciated it. That made him feel a lot better, reminding him of why he was doing this in the first place. He just wanted them to be happy. It didn’t help that Yeosang often looked disappointed when he said he couldn’t make it, but he reminded himself that that was only temporary. He would be happy once Jongho was gone and he got to be alone with Wooyoung.
There was also the fact that, on the rare occasions when he did spend any time with them these days, he couldn’t keep his stupid brain in check and constantly found himself imagining things he shouldn't: them kissing each other, them kissing him, him walking in on them like Hongjoong had and them inviting him to join. Just sleeping in the same room as them had him waking up every morning worked up and hating himself for it. So while he was mainly keeping his distance to give them some privacy, it was definitely for his own good as well. He didn’t want to think about how they would react if they ever found out what went on in his head.
-
About a month after Wooyoung and Yeosang’s announcement, San dropped the next bomb during dinner.
It was a rare evening where they were all free and able to eat together, and Seonghwa had made kimchi jjigae. It was just as everyone had settled down at the table that barely fit them all that San cleared his throat and said, “I have an announcement, I guess?”
“You don’t sound very sure,” said Yunho with a teasing grin.
“No, I am,” said San. To be fair, Jongho thought that he did look sure—his demeanor was totally relaxed. “I guess the part I’m unsure about is if it needs to be an announcement, but Hongjoong-hyung made it seem like we need to make sure everyone’s in the loop about this stuff, so…”
Hongjoong made a noise of confusion with his mouth full of soup, and San paused for a few seconds, possibly for dramatic effect, before continuing. “I’m sleeping with Wooyoung,” he said, and continued to look totally calm and collected as the rest of the table erupted into chaos. Well, the rest of the table minus Wooyoung and Yeosang, who both looked entirely unsurprised. Jongho’s eyes darted over to them instinctively, and he saw Wooyoung smiling like he was pleased with himself, and Yeosang looking like nothing interesting was happening at all. That was a bit surprising—he had been expecting to see jealousy there, but Yeosang didn’t seem bothered at all.
“Are we just announcing every development in our sex lives, now?” asked Mingi, looking a little perturbed while Yunho laughed beside him.
“Well,” said Wooyoung impishly, “that does seem like the precedent Hongjoong-hyung has set. He thought that two members of the group sleeping together was something everyone needed to know about, so San ahd I just thought we should tell everyone about this up-front to keep everything above board. What do you think, hyung?” He directed his question at Hongjoong, and it was clear he was enjoying how flustered the situation was making him.
After a pause during which everyone looked expectantly at their poor, blushing captain, he finally spoke. “Yeah,” he said, “I do still think it’s necessary to keep everyone informed. Even if it is…a little awkward.” As if the other members had been waiting for that confirmation, questions started rolling in.
“What about Yeosang?” asked Yunho.
“Nothing has changed between me and him,” said Wooyoung. “And if he wants to start fucking San, too, he’s more than welcome.” Yeosang got a little red at that, but San seemed a bit excited. Yunho whistled.
“Are any of you dating?” asked Seonghwa. “And is everyone clear where they stand with each other? I’m still concerned someone could get hurt.”
“We aren’t dating,” said San, “and we’ve talked about it a lot. Everyone’s on the same page and I promise we won’t hurt each other.”
“Be honest,” said Yunho, leaning across the table toward Wooyoung with a conspiratorial look on his face, “San isn’t actually any good in bed, is he?” San made an offended noise while Mingi and Yeosang laughed, and Wooyoung leaned forward to whisper something in Yunho’s ear.
Jongho diverted his attention, desperate to not hear whatever Wooyoung was whispering. This allowed him to notice Hongjoong putting his head in his hands and Seonghwa patting his shoulder sympathetically and asking, “Are you sure about the precedent you’re setting here?”
“Yes,” Hongjoong groaned quietly, his head still down. “I still think it’s necessary. Besides, this probably isn’t ever going to happen again, anyway.”
Less than a week later, San announced that he had started sleeping with Yeosang, too.
-
San’s announcements threw a bit of a wrench into Jongho’s meticulously-built system. He couldn’t avoid Yeosang and Wooyoung by hanging out with San anymore because San was someone he needed to avoid now, too. San and Yunho’s room was suddenly off-limits to him, which didn’t leave him many options for hiding in the dorm. Mingi liked having his space to himself, and Seonghwa always said they were all welcome in his and Hongjoong’s room, but Jongho didn’t want to bother them, when Hongjoong had told him once before that he appreciated how “low-maintenence” Jongho was compared to their other dongsaengs.
So, he started spending more time outside the dorm. It was a good thing, he told himself. If he went home to visit his family more often, then he was being a better son and older brother. If he spent more time at HQ in the practice rooms, then he putting in the work to get better at his job. And if he spent more time at the gym…well, that being a good thing went without saying; God knew he should have been there more anyway, with his body.
But San’s revelation also caused a bigger problem for Jongho: it made him doubt. Isn’t this a sign that Wooyoung did mean it, when he said he’d be open to any of them approaching him? What if I could be joining them, too? And he tried to squash those thoughts, he did—he knew he wasn’t alluring like Wooyoung, didn’t have the perfect body like San, wasn’t inhumanly beautiful like Yeosang, so what could they possibly want with him? But sometimes one of them would smile at him in such a blindingly genuine way, or look so disappointed when he said he couldn’t hang out, and he would wonder. Could they see me differently than how I’ve been assuming?
That hope only lasted a few weeks, though, before being completely shattered.
-
Jongho’s individual voice lesson had been canceled at the last minute and San had asked if he’d want to join him at the gym, which sounded fun—and since San had been alone when he’d asked, there had been no reason to turn him down. So Jongho had made a quick trip back to the dorm, planning to grab his workout clothes and meet San back at the gym in 15. As he opened the door to his room, his mind was full of excitement at finally getting a proper workout with a spotter; he didn’t remember that his roommates would have expected him to be gone for another hour. Not until he saw them.
They were on Yeosang’s bed, Yeosang on his back and Wooyoung straddling him, his mouth on Yeosang’s neck. They were both still clothed, at least, but Yeosang’s shirt was rucked up enough to expose his chest, and his sweatpants were riding down enough that Jongho could see some small bruises—the size of fingertips—on his hips. Wooyoung’s hands were roaming across that exposed skin, but Yeosang’s were still, lying on the mattress above his head. His wrists were crossed, like they would be if someone had tied him up. Or if someone had told him to hold them there and he had.
Jongho knew he needed to do something. They didn’t seem to have noticed him, so the smart thing to do would probably be to leave quietly, but his feet seemed to be stuck to the ground. “Uh,” he felt himself say, entirely against his will.
They noticed him then. Both of their heads snapped towards him, eyes widening. Yeosang quickly pushed Wooyoung off of him and tugged his shirt down to cover himself, face reddening before he put it in his hands and muttered “oh my god…” Wooyoung’s eyes darted between Yeosang and Jongho as he situated himself on the edge of the bed.
Jongho knew he needed to say something, but it was such a struggle to come up with anything. Yeosang was talking more but it was too quiet for him to hear. Wooyoung pulled him into a hug, running a hand up and down his back.
“I’m sorry,” Jongho finally managed to say. “I just…needed to grab something.” He didn’t know why he was saying that, but at this point it felt like a victory to be able to string any kind of sentence together at all.
“Have you not heard of knocking?” said Wooyoung, glaring viciously as he held Yeosang close, like he needed to protect him from Jongho.
“I’m sorry,” Jongho said again, because he couldn’t think of anything else. “I’ll just…” and he turned and ran back out the door.
He left the dorm entirely, got back out onto the street and just started walking in a random direction while he tried to collect his thoughts.
Part of him felt a little indignant. Hadn’t Yeosang told him he didn’t need to knock? So why was Wooyoung mad about that? But that faded quickly, as he realized that this whole situation was completely his fault. They expected you to be gone, you idiot, he reminded himself. You know they look at your schedule to know when you’ll be busy, so obviously they would have expected you to be at that voice lesson now. How could you not knock? Better yet, you should have stayed gone like you were supposed to. All that effort to stay out of their way and give them alone time, and he’d fucked it all up.
He kept replaying that moment in his head, their faces when they’d seen him there. Yeosang had looked horrified, while Wooyoung had seemed worried and then angry. And you’d been convincing yourself that they actually want you around. That they could even want you like they want each other. His cheeks felt wet; he brought a hand to his face and realized he had started crying. Pathetic. Stupid.
He stopped walking and took out his phone to text San that he couldn’t make it to the gym. Then he resigned himself to wandering aimlessly until it got late enough that everyone would be asleep when he got back. Clearly he needed to limit his contact with them even more. That would be better for everyone.