Chapter Text
Aaron moved the pin down, increasing the weight. He lay down again on his back on the bench and taking hold of the bar he pulled down slowly. The sweat stung his eyes as he breathed in. When he released the bar again, his arms continued to shake and he closed his eyes, licking the salt from his lips, waiting for the heat to subside.
He’d started going to the gym a few weeks back, now. Working out helped him to focus on the here and now, helped him to relax. There was a level that he knew he had to check himself. The temptation to push too hard, stay too long. The pain barrier was such a seduction. Pain, his old dysfunctional friend.
Robert had watched him silently when he’d first started going, while he packed a sports bag with his gym kit and fastened up the zip.
‘It makes me feel good.’
‘I thought I did that.’
Aaron raised his chin and gave a short laugh.
‘When you were running…’
‘It’s not the same, it makes me feel good.’ He said again.
‘You feel good to me whatever.’
He liked the way he felt pumped afterwards, how the muscles on his chest would swell. His biceps would ache when he reached out, his thighs felt tighter under his jeans.
He liked Robert’s hand, cool fingers spread over the curve of his chest when they lay in bed after he came home, the palm of his hand touching against a nipple, then, later, his mouth biting down against him.
He’d started with Monday and Wednesday after work, then added Thursday. When Robert saw him packing his bag again, he spoke quietly.
‘What is it? Is it me?’
Aaron frowned back at him.
‘Cos I thought we were alright.’
‘We are.’ Aaron zipped up the bag. ‘Why does everything have to be about you? I’m fine. I just enjoy it, right? Stop weirding out about it.’
There was a hen party in the pub. All miniskirts and cleavages, glossy hair and handbags. Aaron didn’t notice until he followed the direction of Robert’s eyes.
‘Go and join them if you like.’
‘You what?’
‘I saw you.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
One of the girls came up to the bar to buy a drink, standing next to Robert, too close for Aaron’s liking, flashing her heavily mascaraed eyes. He picked up his glass and turned the other way.
‘Your mate’s fit.’ She said to Robert, curving back to get a better look. ‘Do you think he’d buy me a drink?’
Robert laughed.
‘He is, isn’t he? But I doubt it. He’s already spoken for.’
The girl looked around.
‘Where is she then?’ She asked. ‘Did she go to the ladies? Cos finders keepers!’ Robert smirked into his drink, while the girl looked at him more closely.
‘You could buy me a drink then?’
He shook his head.
‘I’m spoken for too.’
The girl walked away, having paid for her own drink. Robert watched her go with a small amused shake of the head. But Aaron’s eyes told a different story.
‘Why didn’t you just tell her?’ He tipped up his glass to drain the pint he was drinking.
‘Tell her what?’
‘That you’re gay. That I’m gay? That we’re boyfriends?’
Robert blinked.
‘I didn’t need to.’ He answered confused. ‘What’s it to her, anyway?’
Aaron nodded.
‘What?’ Robert asked
Aaron put down his empty glass.
‘I don’t know what goes on in that head of yours, do I?’ He said and turning, walked away from Robert into the back room, leaving Robert blinking after him.
Robert finished his drink, then followed him. He found Liv in the kitchen.
‘He went upstairs in a right strop. Did you two have a row or something?’ She asked.
Aaron was lying on his back on the bed in the dark. The curtains were open, the light from the street lamps and the village casting shadows in the room. Robert could see Aaron’s eyes were open, the whites shining as they flickered over him when he entered the room, then looking away. He sat on the side of the bed next to him.
‘What did I do? You don’t exactly like getting all touchy feely in front of other people. I’m just trying to follow your lead on that.’ Robert said. ‘I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, that’s all. But if I’m getting it wrong…’
‘It’s not that.’ Aaron’s voice was low in the dark.
‘Then what? What do you want me to do, to say?’
Aaron felt his heart thump, watching Robert’s face, his cheek bones and jaw accentuated in the half-light.
‘I don’t know.’ He lied, breathing out, knowing the moment was gone, half relieved, half disappointed.
‘How about I love you, Aaron Dingle.’
Aaron shook his head and smiled.
‘I guess that’ll do, for now.’
‘Come here, then.’
Aaron shifted up to a sitting position and felt Robert’s arms circle his waist, his hands reaching up to his shoulders in a caress. He slipped his own arms around Robert too, and leaned his chin on his shoulder. They breathed against each other, just holding on in the dark.
‘You’re all I want.’ Robert whispered in his ear. ‘Just you.’
Aaron blinked over his shoulder. It wasn’t exactly the words he was waiting for from Robert, but he would take it.
‘Let’s go down and eat.’ Robert said.
But Aaron kept a hold on him.
‘Are you sure you want to eat now?’
He could feel Robert grin, even if he couldn’t see him.
‘You had something else in mind?’