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It’s a day that ends in why when Jabber hoists himself up into Zanka’s room at Cleaners’ HQ. Zanka, to his credit, has tried many things to keep his window safe, but after various forms of breakage over the course of a century (or a month, who’s counting?), he’s decided to accept his fate.
Hearing a window slide open is quieter than shattered glass and punched-out wooden boards.
Zanka’s not asleep. There’s no point, really, when he’s going to be woken up. Despite not wearing a watch, he can time Jabber’s visits down to the millisecond, can hear the overly excited cry of “Zanka, my friend” or “My dear Zanka” that feels like it’s accompanied by fireworks, a mix of the brilliant display at Canvas Town and some bozos who tie them all together and light them too close to their house.
So instead, Zanka’s lying awake in bed, watching as Jabber maneuvers himself into his personal space with all the grace of a cat who’s ready to walk all over you until finding the perfect sleeping spot — your face, probably. Zanka should complain and most certainly has complained, but he’s at the point now of being a little fascinated by the fact that Jabber sees nothing wrong with coming by like this.
There’s enemies, and there’s whatever the hell Jabber Wonger is.
Because it’s not like he makes these house calls to try and kill Zanka. He most certainly could, and a real enemy definitely would. No, he comes to see him because he, quote, “likes to,” especially if it’s after one of their fights. Then, he’ll bounce around like a kid who doesn’t know what to do with all the energy in their body, going on about what poison he used and whatever part of his body that’s recovering after a meeting with Lovely Assistaff.
Zanka sits up and watches as Jabber winces from a pain in his back. Ah, that’s right. He’d managed to slam Jabber into a wall with all the force of a truck moving at full speed. The wall had cracked behind him, an unwilling participant in their scuffle, particularly the part where Jabber’s eyes rolled back in what could only be described as ecstasy as he choked out Zanka’s name like a prayer.
“You know ya could be recoverin’ right now,” Zanka says. He can’t decide if he’s annoyed or charmed, then he settles on exhaustingly disturbed because the word “charmed” is now part of his Feelings Rolodex with Jabber.
Zanka’s at least admitted to himself that the Raider is easy on the eyes, with that carefree smile and locs that dance alongside him in the middle of a fight. Even the way he wears Mankira is beautiful, all sharp edges dipped in poison, and if he can manage to get her to fully spread herself open, well, Zanka would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a sense of pride whisper down his spine about it.
“Now why would I wanna recover and lose the gift ya gave me today?” Jabber straightens himself out and bites his lower lip, the pain so sharp that he can feel it down to his toes. “Fuck, that’s the good stuff.”
And just like that, the crumbs Zanka feels for Jabber are brushed off the table. “A gift, huh? Ya wanna know what gift you gave me, ya freak?” The answer is three rounds of vomiting in the bathroom while Riyo rubbed soothing circles over his back until he got it all out.
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Vomiting, right? Yeeeeah, that’ll happen with the one I gave ya this time. What’s it like… five times?”
“Three, ya dick.”
“Oooooh, well look at you, gettin’ through it like a champ! Imma have to up the dosage next time!”
Zanka shoves back his foolish heart’s urge to feel good about the fact that his poison recovery time has gotten faster. Instead, he attempts to channel it into rage. “You wretched piece of shi-”
“Aaaaanywaaaaays, I got other business to attend to tonight, so you gonna hafta use that pretty lil’ mouth of yours to call me all those filthy names later.”
What? Other business?
Zanka’s suddenly on high alert. Clearly, this was Jabber’s plan all along. Keep visiting to throw Zanka off his game until he lets his guard down enough for Jabber to explore the rest of HQ in an attempt to learn their secrets. Zanka moves to grab his beloved staff, but Jabber is on top of him in mere seconds. It has to be some kind of teleportation, because if Jabber’s actually this fast, Zanka’s going to have to add that to his list of frustrating things to overcome.
“Get offa me you asshole!”
“Aw man,” Jabber sighs, for once sounding truly heartbroken about Zanka snapping at him. “This ain’t how I imagined you squirming underneath me in a bed, then again, I’ve also thought about squirming under you.”
Nevermind. Jabber needs to die.
Except Zanka doesn’t get the chance to entertain the thought as the familiar sting of Mankira pierces his skin. “You-”
“I know I know, trust me when I say I didn’t wanna do it this way, but you ain’t the most agreeable person in the world, ya know?”
Something about that statement pisses Zanka off. The audacity of this… room, for spinning the way that it is. It’s like a slow drive down the countryside, at least Zanka thinks it is. He has nothing to compare it to, what with the “countryside” being scraps of trash, and “slow driving” being a figment of his imagination since Enjin’s often behind the wheel.
Jabber leans in close to study Zanka’s features, the wideness of his eyes, the way his lips part as he breathes through the poison. Oh, if only he didn’t have something more important to do, then he could simply exist next to Zanka as he fades in and out of coherence. “Oh, wait, shit, you probably think imma hurt your lil’ friends or somethin’ like that, huh? Cuz that’s how that big ol’ brain of yours works.”
Zanka tries to respond but it comes out like he’s gargling with marshmallows.
“Naw man, I ain’t here for them. I only ever come here for you. Thought you knew that by now.”
More marshmallow sounds, the real squishy kind, perfect for roasting and sandwiching with graham crackers and chocolate.
At this point, Zanka’s eyes look like they see the world in glitter and gemstones, a ghost of a smile on his face as he gets lost in sparkly thoughts of gooey campfires illustrated with stickers and construction paper.
“But this time I do need to speak with them about somethin’ pretty important. You’ll find out what it is soon enough, my deeeeear Zaaaankaaaaa.”
And now everything Jabber says is stretched out into long, echoing statements that float around the room.
Jabber takes a deep, determined breath before he forces himself to get off of Zanka. He really wants to stay with him right now, watch as he ascends out of his body and into outer space, but he has to think bigger picture here.
And for that, he has to find his good ol’ friend, Bang Bang.
Luck is on Jabber’s side that night as he spots Riyo walking down the hallway and heading to what he assumes is her room. He knows he should slip in carefully, but someone like her expects stealth and would be able to hear the silence better than the noise.
So Jabber throws the door open and… oh, she’s already sitting on the bed, an unassuming pair of scissors aimed directly at him.
Better than a gun, at least.
“‘Course you knew I was followin’ ya,” he says, and he means it, because she’s impressive and worth being cautious around... if Jabber believed in being careful around threats.
“Duh, freak show,” she smiles, but keeps the scissors pointed at their target. “Whatcha doin’ here, hm? This isn’t Zanka’s room.”
So she knows, huh? Jabber smiles. Of course she knows. She cares about his Zan-Zan enough to shoot until the gun’s out of bullets. “So you cool with us datin’ then, lil’ sis?”
A collection of emotions reflects in Riyo’s vivid green eyes, most coming from the what the fuck family. Dating? Lil’ sis? She needs to stay focused, but she can’t decide if what she just heard was hilarious or… no, no it’s hilarious, so she bursts out laughing. “What?!”
Jabber frowns. No, that’s not quite right. Jabber isn’t just frowning, he’s… pouting?
Riyo wants to respond, but she’s still stuck on the whole dating comment — the whole lil sis thing can slide… for now. “Wait wait wait, hold up. So you’ve been coming by so much cuz you two are dating?!”
Well, Jabber certainly thinks they are. What better way to say I’m into you than broken ribs? “What did you think it was?”
“I dunno, fighting to beat the insecurities out of Zanka so he could give you the fight you so desperately want?”
“Ain’t that dating?”
Oh.
Riyo stops laughing, wiping the tears from her eyes that all the giggling has caused. She studies Jabber’s face, searches for any indication of that question being a joke. To her surprise, he’s not joking at all. In fact, this is probably the most serious she’s ever seen him — even after she shot him multiple times. Oddly enough, she thinks she prefers it when he’s unhinged. “You… do know what dating is, right?”
“Um… yeah!” Not really. “It’s when two people meet up and do stuff they enjoy cuz they like each other.” Actually, that’s pretty accurate. “Like break each other’s ribs and laugh to make the pain flare up even more.”
Nevermind.
“Okay… well… the first part is a pretty good definition, I guess, but that other part…”
“See, see, that’s why I’m here!” Jabber starts bouncing up and down like he’s jumping on an invisible trampoline. Someday, his energy will catch up to his ankles and he’ll pull a muscle from sitting up too fast... though he’d probably enjoy that. “Look. I know my boy Zanka has a mean streak that he loves dishing out on me, but… I suspect he don’t see those moments as romantic like I do.”
Riyo tilts her head, trying to fit a hexagon into a square hole. “Okaaaay…?”
“You’re like, his best friend or whatever, yeah? Like a little sister. With a gun.” To demonstrate, he points his finger like a gun and pretends to fire a couple of shots. “Pew pew!”
“Do you always gotta bring that up?” Though since it’s just the two of them and no Enjin to scold her, she does let a little smirk creep across her lips.
“Basically, ya know him better than anyone else. I know him too, of course, like, the real him that he don’t wanna admit to, but I only get that part sometimes. I want that part at all times, I want him at all times.”
“Still not following…”
“How do I… be romantic with him? In a way that’s… normal?” Jabber hates that word. It feels like raw milk on the tip of his tongue which, conversely, tastes worse than a bad mix of chemicals. Three guesses how he knows that little factoid. But it’s worth it if it gets him closer to a Zanka who understands the gravity of his feelings and doesn’t just reduce them to you’re a freak.
Jabber is a freak, but he’s a freak who likes Zanka and wants him to be a freak with him, not against him — except if there’s Raiders business, that’s separate.
Riyo, meanwhile, is so surprised by the question that she ends up lowering the scissors. She’s been reduced to silence, eyes staring at Jabber like he just grew wings and flew to the Sphere. It’s obviously quiet for too long because Jabber’s started fidgeting, shifting from one foot to the next. He never does like sitting still for long.
“Let me see if I understand this,” Riyo says, trying to find the right words. “You want me to help you… get together with Zanka? Like… legitimately? And not just in your delusional little fantasies?”
“Hey now, it ain’t just shit in my head. He reciprocates maybe… two percent of the time.”
“Huh.” She can see that, actually. “Well, to be honest, the way he talks about you around here... it may be up to five percent.”
Jabber’s smile is so wide that Riyo thinks it takes up the entire lower half of his face. Somehow, it manages to be more endearing than unsettling, even with how perfectly lined up Jabber’s teeth are, like a chopping machine at the end of a conveyor belt. “See? So I gotta try, right?”
“Hate to break it to you, bud, but I’m not super familiar with romance.” Was anyone? Enjin claimed to be, but was he really? Could any of them afford to be?
“You know Zan-Zan though, right?” Now that the scissors have been lowered, Jabber moves closer until he plops down on the floor, swaying back and forth like a kid ready to ask a teacher as many questions as he can before the bell rings. “What does he like?”
Riyo looks up at the ceiling, searching for answers as if the lack of a ceiling fan holds the key to Zanka’s heart. “Well… he likes training,” Riyo says as she starts counting on her fingers. “He likes taking care of Assistaff. He likes… quiet. If it’s too loud he’ll complain or put in earplugs.”
There’s no way any of this is helpful, but the way Jabber’s looking at her shows that he’s taking this non-information seriously. He’s as quiet as he’s ever been, nodding along with each Zanka fact, no matter how mundane that is.
“Oh! He’s a bit of a neat freak. Likes things to be clean. If you get anything gross on him, he’ll freak out.”
“Right. The shit thing. Somethin’ about it bein’ flung at him?”
Riyo doesn’t bother to hide her amusement at the memory. She wishes she could’ve seen it happen in real time, though if she had, Zanka may have let himself evaporate into the floor. “You know about that?”
“He’d mentioned it when I threw my new gloopy gloop at ‘im,” Jabber smiles like a teenager with a notebook full of hearts and name combinations with their crush. Jabber Nijiku? Zanka Wonger? Ninjiku-Wonger? Oh, Jabber’s heart can’t take much more! “He’s so perfect. Stood there and took it head-on. Even threw it back at me. That’s how I knew he was the one.”
“So Zanka threw your goo-”
“Gloopy gloop,” Jabber says, correcting Riyo. “Goo is a different kind of toxin, silly. It’s even a different color.”
“Right. How silly of me.”
“It’s cool. You ain’t know. Ya do now, though.”
“Uh huh. Different color. Got it.” It may not sound like it, but she actually does file away the information for safekeeping. Can’t be too careful with Raiders, after all. “So... he throws the... gloopy gloop... back at you and, to you, that’s a sign of affection?”
Jabber nods as he twirls one of his locs around his finger. “Was like a poison avalanche.” Jabber starts moving his hands around, trying to physically illustrate the size of the rock formation and how it crushed him. “That’s like… a grand, romantic gesture, ain’t it?”
“Weeeeeell…” Riyo doesn’t know a whole lot about love and, technically, her two prime examples recently are this and Amo. When she thinks about it like that, she wonders if Jabber’s going to reveal some horrific past that’s led to him thinking that a landslide is a love confession. Should she ask?
Does she even want to?
“Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout, Bang Bang?”
“I have a name. It’s-”
“Bang. Bang bang.” Jabber moves one of his hands like a gun. “Bang!”
“Can we focus?” Then, with a deep breath, Riyo decides to take a chance. “Why do you think all that fighting is romantic?”
“Huh?” Jabber blinks, looking confused by the question. “Cuz it’s fun, duh. He thinks so, too. Why else would he try so hard to be good at it?”
Oh.
Riyo tilts her head, thinking it over. In a bizarre kind of way, this feels a bit healthier than the actual truth of it all. Zanka losing his spirit at the Hell Guard had shattered him so much that he sat in a well for three days. With Jabber, though? He hasn’t given up on himself the way he’d done back then.
“Thinkin’ again?”
Riyo frowns before taking a really good look at Jabber. There’s a little grin on his face, like he knows his methods make him look like he’s lost his mind, yet he’s smart enough to word them in a way that sounds scarily logical. “You know exactly what you’re doing, huh?”
“Don’t know what you talkin’ about. I’m just tryin’ to get closer to Zan-Zan.”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about, you little freak,” but she can’t help but smirk now, caught in it just like Zanka is, she suspects. “But hey, I wanna see how this all plays out.”
Jabber’s grin slowly spreads across his face, similar to the whole cat and canary thing, only this time, the canary’s armed with a really big stick at all times. Jabber likes that, though. “So? So so? You gonna help me?”
“Yeah, but we’re gonna need help.”
On paper, the plan makes sense… maybe?
Since neither of them is familiar with traditional romance, they need to research the topic. There’s all kinds of books and movies that have covered the subject — not that Riyo’s ever read or watched any of them. That’s why she tasks Jabber with gathering said materials so they can look over them together. He has zero clue where to start, but he at least seems enthusiastic about learning something new. “I get bored easily,” he says, “So this’ll give me somethin’ to do. Plus? It’s for Zan-Zan,” then he gives her a salute and a lopsided grin.
It’s almost endearing how seriously he’s taking all of this.
Then Riyo sees Zanka the next morning, walking slower than usual and looking a little out of it.
Right. Jabber has an unhealthy obsession with trying different poisons on her friend.
But the more Riyo watches Zanka throughout the day, the more she realizes that maybe, just maybe, he isn’t… too mad about it? Well, he is mad about it, but not in a scorch the earth kinda way. No, this kind of anger is more focused, used as motivation in the middle of training, a reminder of Zanka’s desire to be stronger.
Huh.
Maybe Jabber really is onto something about Zanka.
Then Riyo promptly slaps herself in the face when she realizes that in less than 24 hours, she’s agreed with Jabber Wonger about a couple of things.
“Ya good, Riyo?” Zanka asks. They’re both outside headquarters, Zanka casually twirling Assistaff in his hand and making it look as easy as breathing. “Ya keep spacin’ out.”
Rudo, who’s been tinkering with bits of garbage — a phone, Riyo thinks, that has a long, twisted cord attached to the part she assumes you speak into — turns his attention toward the two other Cleaners. “Something wrong, Riyo?”
“Naw,” she says easily. She’s always been good at letting lies roll off her tongue, though she supposes, technically, nothing is wrong, depending on your interpretation of the word. “Can I ask you something, Zanka?”
“Of course.”
“What do you think about Jabber?”
Rudo’s on edge immediately, as he’s prone to be when Raiders are involved. It’s understandable. His reaction is one Riyo expects, as if he’s trying to figure out what trash he can use in case a Raider shows up this very second.
What’s especially curious, though, is Zanka’s reaction. He’s on guard, yes, his hand gripping onto Assistaff a little tighter than normal. And he’s gritting his teeth, sure, even growling just a bit if you listen closely enough. His eyes, though? They’re not an enraged blue, no. It’s more of a determined fire, an almost… excited blaze that’s eager to strike.
“He’s a piece of shit,” Zanka says.
Rudo nods in agreement before he asks, “Why are you bringing him up?”
Riyo shrugs. “They fought again yesterday,” she says, remembering her time gently rubbing Zanka’s back as he puked his entire being into the toilet. “Was just curious, I guess, since he keeps targeting him.”
“It’s fun for him,” Zanka says. “Not sure why.”
Riyo now has full details on the why, but she suspects she doesn’t need to tell Zanka that, because if this plan works, Jabber will be telling him himself. Still, Riyo can’t help but be curious. “And you? Is it fun for you?”
Oops. That’s pushing a bit too far, but it may have been worth it if the hint of pink on Zanka’s cheeks is any indication.
“Ya think I like bein’ poisoned by that fucker?”
“No no, that isn’t what I meant. I meant, well…you tend to like a challenge, so…”
Zanka lets out a sigh in response. Riyo can’t quite connect which emotion it belongs with. Is he annoyed? Is he trying to deny the truth? “Yeah, well, don’t we all?”
“I suppose.” Riyo thinks back to Noerde when she says that, all electrified hair and real good hand-to-hand combat. No need to pretend like that hadn’t been fun.
“Still don’t get why you’re bringing it up.” Rudo isn’t frowning as much, but it’s still there. Always is when they talk about the Raiders. “He’s an asshole, that’s all that matters.”
Riyo smiles and shoves her hand into Rudo’s hair, ruffling the mess of white to make it even more of a disaster. “Just wondering what Zanka likes is all.” As predicted, Rudo tries to bat her away, his angry scowl ruined by his face turning redder than her hair.
“Wonderin’ what I like? And you default to Jabber?”
“Well, I technically defaulted to training, in my head, but what came out was Jabber, I guess? You are training to beat him, right?” More weaved together lies, or rather, excuses to cover her tracks.
“I’m trainin’ in general, Riyo! It ain’t just for him!”
That’s almost a little too defensive. Riyo tucks it away as useful information. “Okay, fine. Besides training, what else do you like?”
“And? And and?”
Riyo shrugs as she flops down on her bed. It’s the middle of the night now and Jabber’s in her room again, looking a little too comfortable, to be honest, but she supposes it's better than whatever alternative exists with Jabber Wonger.
It’s an odd scene to be in the middle of. Her sitting on her bed. Him setting up an old television with a video player and old cords that look like they were a chew toy for a trash beast. Riyo’s not sure how Jabber found them, nor is she sure how he got them here, but the thought of him being so set on, um, wooing(???) Zanka that he carried a dusty old television all the way to Cleaners HQ is a little charming.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” Riyo says. “He didn’t give much of a response. He likes training, meditating, and eats whatever we have as a team.”
“Yeah, that sounds like my Zan-Zan. Guess he’s never thought about what he likes beyond what he needs to function. That tracks for a former Hell Guard."
Riyo raises an eyebrow as she watches Jabber untangle the cords. The ends of them are color-coded — red, yellow, and white — and match the corresponding colors on the back of the video player. “You know about that?”
“Wanted to learn more about ‘im. Went down a rabbit hole.”
“Any thoughts about it?”
Jabber shrugs as he starts to plug everything in. “Definitely explains how rigid he is until he lets himself go. He’s much better when he lets himself go.”
Riyo realizes, in that moment, that Jabber seems to have a pretty good idea of who Zanka is as a person. Take away the poison and he’d be a perfectly fine love interest, but she’s not quite sure if Zanka would be content with “perfectly fine.”
Riyo decides not to think too much about it. Instead, she watches as Jabber brings over a bag and sets it down in front of her. He nods to her, quietly instructing her to open the bag and look inside. She’s not sure what to expect, but what she gets is certainly unexpected. The bag is full of all kinds of movies — DVDs, Riyo thinks they’re called. Discs may not be the best format considering where they all live (a few of them already have scratches), but if this is what Jabber could find, then she’s not going to complain. “How’d you get so many movies?”
“Bundus. He loves this kinda shit.”
Riyo has only encountered the older man in heartpounding combat, but from his mannerisms and personality, she can envision him sitting in a worn-out chair watching movies about romance and whatever other feel-good genres he’s into. “Did he make any recommendations?”
Jabber pulls out a couple of DVDs and, honestly, Riyo can’t tell the difference between them. The covers tend to focus on couples almost kissing, sometimes in the rain, sometimes with the sunset offering them perfect lighting. She supposes they look happy, at least, so that has to mean something, right?
“Oh. And he said we gotta eat snacks while we watch. Not sure why, but I brought some.”
Snacks, in this case, translate to whatever candies Jabber could stuff into his pockets. It's an oddly nice gesture, one he offers with a wide-tooth grin. “You’re really going all out, huh?”
“Told ya. It’s worth it for Zan-Zan.”
Riyo finds herself smiling a little. It's hard to deny how endearing it all is, especially when paired with fruit-flavored candy. “Well then, shall we get started?”
From there, the two of them learn all that they can about romance — at least according to the movies. Jabber is, as Zanka would say, locked in, mumbling to himself when something seemingly important happens. Riyo wants to pay attention, but she finds herself picking each movie apart instead of enjoying the sweeping music as someone runs through an airport to stop their true love from leaving.
“How do these guys always know where the love interest is?”
“Just love, I guess.”
“Didn’t he just get rejected? Shouldn’t he stop trying?”
“That’s love, I guess.”
“That was a pretty bad fight! Shouldn’t they talk about it instead of making out?”
“It’s love, I guess.”
It’s that third it’s love response that leads to Riyo having an uncomfortable moment of realization. Jabber’s not the type for short, simple responses. He dissects things, takes them apart, analyzes them, and definitely enjoys having longer conversations that don’t end with short sentences. “Is that really all you have to... say...?”
Oh.
When Riyo looks at Jabbers face, she can see that he’s grinning at the screen, eyes full of the kind of joy one feels when their feelings are being validated. Beneath the sappy dialogue playing onscreen are his quiet little giggles paired with him swaying his body from side to side, like he’s doing everything he can to stop himself from laughing too hard.
Riyo may not be a mathematician, but she can tell that, right now, for Jabber, two plus two equals four. Because movie scenes are playing through Riyo’s head now, moments where someone knows every little thing about the person they love, details that they’ve never revealed to anyone else. Scenes where a person knows where the other is with scary accuracy, down to the second, following their schedule in the name of love, not taking the first couple of nos as absolute truth in the name of love.
Add in vital instruments and trash, and you’ve got the exact dynamic that Jabber and Zanka have had since they first met.
Jabber glances back at Riyo and gives her a smile she hasn’t seen from him yet. It’s a confident, self-assured one as he says, “So I’ve been right the whole time?”
No. No no no. No. That’s not how love works, right? Maybe Riyo should’ve asked Enjin after all. “Well... I don’t think that’s-”
“I’ve been doin’ all these things,” Jabber says, excitement brimming from every fiber of his being as he points to the screen. “This dude got slapped in the FACE and he STILL chased after the person he loves!”
“Well... yeah, sure, but...”
“I just ain’t do the other stuff, ya know? The flowers and candy and shit. I can do those things. Hell, I brought you candy, didn’t I?”
“I don’t think-”
“This has been a big help.”
Riyo watches as Jabber stands up and heads for the window, not even bothering to stop the movie or grab the things he brought over.
“I know what to do now.”
And just like that he’s gone, climbing out the window as if it’s a perfectly logical way to exit a building.
“Well...” Riyo pops a piece of candy into her mouth, chewing the gummy texture a couple of times before she swallows. “Guess it could’ve been worse.”
It’s a few days later when they get a call about a, quote, “bizarre” occurrence with the Raiders in a nearby town. Zanka’s immediately on edge, imagining a specific Raider when the word bizarre is used to describe what’s happening. He hasn’t seen Jabber since he visited him in the middle of the night for other business — what that meant, he still isn’t sure.
The ride through the wasteland is as quiet as it can be when Enjin’s driving. The music is loud and the bumps are even louder, jostling everyone around like they’re being shaken about in a glass. No one complains because there’s no point in complaining, not unless you want Enjin to drive faster.
“Is that a candle?”
Both Zanka and Riyo turn to see what Rudo’s talking about. He’s looking out the window, tapping at the glass as he says, “And there’s another one, and another one, and-”
“What the hell? It’s an entire row of candles.” Enjin slows to a stop so he can try and get a better look. “That’s...”
“Bizarre?” Riyo finishes his sentence for him. “Oh boy...”
Zanka raises an eyebrow. For some reason, Riyo doesn’t sound surprised. If anything, it almost sounds like she’d expected this to happen. “Riyo...? Ya good?”
“Yep. Sure am. Perfectly fine.”
Is she sweating? Zanka doesn’t think he’s ever seen her sweat before, not even when facing trash beasts or Raiders. And there’s this smile on her face now, like a kid who knows who broke mom’s favorite vase or, in this case, knows who decided to set up candles outside.
“Um... Zanka?” Enjin’s voice is a mix of worry and... amusement? “Maybe you should stay in the car.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Yeeeeeah, we should handle this!” Riyo moves to open the door. “We’ll go take care of it. Stay here!”
“But Jabber’s here for him,” Rudo says, proving that he still hasn’t quite figured out how to read the room.
“... what?”
Sure enough, when Zanka looks out the window, he can see that the candles lead straight to Jabber. Jabber, who’s convinced (or threatened) six people from the small town to stand behind him, each one holding up a sign for each letter of Zanka’s name, followed by a hastily drawn heart on the final sign.
“... whaaaaat?” Zanka repeats the word as if saying it a second time will make the situation make sense. It doesn’t. Especially when Jabber holds a boombox up and over his head. Nothing happens until one of the people whispers something to Jabber, who laughs, sets the boombox down, hits “play,” then holds it up again.
The song that plays is some poppy love song that Zanka’s never heard before. He hasn’t heard any love song before, so he’s not sure if they’re usually so... violent?
“Hit me, baby?” Rudo asks. “Is that what the song just said?”
“I am... just as lost as you,” Zanka mutters.
“Holy shit,” Enjin laughs. “Holy shit, holy shit, is this actually happening?!”
Enjin is someone Zanka respects greatly. Enjin’s opinion means a lot to him, and usually, when Enjin says “jump” Zanka’s already in the air. But today, as he sits in the back of the car, listening to a song where the singer claims to “lose her mind” whenever her love interest isn’t around, Zanka debates knocking his mentor’s head into the steering wheel.
Instead, he settles for climbing over Rudo to get out of the car and march over to where Jabber is. By now, the other man is swaying his hips to the music, bouncing from one foot to the other. The sign holders are moving to the music now, too, but from the nervous looks on their faces, Zanka can tell that their lives are, most likely, at stake. “Did you threaten these people to do this?”
Jabber doesn’t answer; he just keeps singing along. “Oh Zanka, Zankaaaaa-”
“Shut up! What the hell even is this?”
“A grand romantic gesture, duh!” Jabber looks behind him. “Z, get the gifts.”
“Z,” which translates to “guy holding the ‘Z’ sign,” sets the sign down and grabs a couple of items that are hidden behind him. The older man quickly scrambles over to Zanka and shoves everything into his hands, then he leans in and whispers, “Please just say yes so we can go home.”
Zanka looks down at everything he’s now holding. A heart-shaped box of what he assumes is candy. A teddy bear missing an eye, its brown fur covered in dirt spots. Fake flowers because the real thing is too hard to find. “You. Have lost. Your goddamn mind, Jabber.”
“Awwwww, but how else am I supposed to show ya how I feel, huh? I did research and everything!”
“What makes ya think I even like ya like that?!”
“Ain’t there like, a five percent chance? That’s what my source told me...”
“Your source? Ya got a source now? Who is it so I can bash their face in?”
“First of all, I can’t tell ya, cuz she’d probably shoot me. Second of all, don’t be bashin’ nobody else’s face in but mine.”
“... you’re a freak. Turn the music off and let these folks leave.”
Jabber, to Zanka’s surprise, actually does as he’s told. “Fine fine,” he mutters, sounding genuinely disappointed. “Y’all can go home, we done here.”
The group of captives turned wingmen runs away as fast as they can, leaving their signs behind.
“Guess I’ll take that stuff back I gave ya.”
“... did I say I was givin’ it back?”
Jabber blinks, then blinks again, then he lets out a hopeful little gasp as Zanka opens the box of candy and pops one of the chocolates into his mouth. It only lasts for a moment, but there’s the smallest hint of a smile on Zanka’s face before he turns and heads back to the car.
“Wait! Wait wait, did it work, then? Did you like it?”
Zanka looks back at Jabber. He tilts his head, thinks it over, then says, “Ten percent.”