Chapter Text
-“Open your hands, Zeke.”
The blond boy trembled as he opened his white fingers. The cane in the man’s hand was raised high.
Slap! Slap! Slap!
The boy bit his lip to keep from making a sound, but the stinging pain from his hand made his whole body tremble. Tears flowed from his eyes, wetting his eyelashes. The Grisha’s voice came from above him, steady but heavy as lead:
-“Do you know why I punished you?”
Zeke tried to hold back his sobs, knowing that would anger his father even more. He breathed raggedly, trembling as he answered:
-“I lied to you, I didn’t say my morning prayers and sneaked out to play-“
Slap!
The cane rang out loudly. Zeke was in so much pain that his knees buckled. His palms were already bleeding. The red stood out against his pale skin. Grisha sighed and said:
-“I really don’t want to do this, but I’m very disappointed in you. It hurts me to beat you, but this is to teach you. Do you understand who you are and what your responsibility is, Zeke?”
-“Yes, father.” Zeke replied with a sob.
-“Stop crying, you are my son. Answer me, Zeke, who are you?”
-“I am the chosen one of God, the son of the New Prophet, father.”
-“What is your responsibility?”
-“I must always keep myself faithful to God, stay away from the devil’s temptations, and prepare for the Apocalypse, father.” -Zeke said, cowering, afraid of being beaten again.
-“Today, I will punish you only this much, but you must remember your mistakes. You are a very important person, Zeke, you must always believe in God, do you understand?”
-“Yes, father.”
-“Now kneel down and recite the prayer of atonement. After 30 times, you can come down to eat. From now on, you must recite the prayer diligently and not lie again, otherwise I will punish you twice, understand?”
-“Yes, father, I understand.”
-“You are our hope, you must not disappoint us. I love you, Zeke.”
-“I love you too, father.”
Grisha left with the door locked. Zeke finally sat down. The tears he had been holding back came out with a feeling of resentment and helplessness. His hands were red and swollen, painful. He stared at the thick bible with hatred, wanting to tear it to pieces. But he knew he couldn't, Grisha would kill him. Zeke stroked his aching hands to soothe them, but to no avail. Tears ran down his mouth, salty. Alas! Why was he born to suffer such misfortune? All of this was because of his father Grisha's crazy dreams. Grisha was once a normal person. He was a doctor who had just graduated from medical school. One day, when he went to church and returned, he dreamed that he met God. He told him that the end of the world was coming, that demons would rise from hell, and that humanity would perish. He asked him to gather people, spread the word of God and prepare to act according to what He said to prevent the devil from destroying humanity. From that day on, Grisha completely changed. He became an extreme fanatic. Grisha preached and gathered a group of people who believed in what he said. All of them gave up their schools, jobs and even their families to move together to a remote countryside to live because that way they would "stay away from sin and evil". They grew their own crops, educated their children, and formed a small closed village isolated from the outside world. Grisha was called "The New Prophet" by his followers and became the abbot of the village's rituals. Grisha married a female believer named Dina and not long after that, God appeared to him in a dream again. This time God said that Grisha's first son would be the one who could save the world. Grisha must keep the boy's soul holy and faithful to God. Only then could God give him the power to fight against the devil on the day of Revelation. For that reason, before he was born, the boy was awaited and loved by everyone. His name was Zeke, a shortened version of Ezekiel, a prophet in the Old Testament. Zeke cried out at birth amid the singing and celebration of believers about the birth of the hope of humanity. But the happiness and love of everyone came with huge expectations. Zeke was destined to shoulder a great responsibility, so he had to try from a very young age not to disappoint everyone. Zeke was educated in the idea of loving God from a young age, always having to memorize the Bible and live according to God's teachings. He had to pray every day when he just woke up, before going to bed, before meals and at 3am. In his free time, he would have to sit and study the Bible, learn catechism and read books about God. On Sundays, he had to attend church services with his father. These services were different from normal church services because Grisha had changed them according to God's words to him. Grisha was extremely serious about this with Zeke. In order to keep him pure and holy, Grisha even restricted his going out, almost keeping him under house arrest. The other children always kept a distance from him because they were afraid that their parents would scold them for spoiling him if they played with him. His life was confined to home and church, listening to the prayers every day more than talking. Zeke always felt extremely lonely and bored. Even though he was educated in ideology and prayed every day, he did not have a strong belief in God like his parents and everyone else. He often looked out the window, watching children his age playing, thinking to himself that if God really existed, his life would not be so miserable. Zeke didn't believe what he was taught and always felt that everyone around him was crazy. But Zeke was just a boy, what could he do. His small resistances only resulted in beatings and starvation from his father. Zeke sat on his bed, hugging his knees, staring at the cross at the head of his bed. "So I have to sacrifice myself like Jesus for the Father's will to save humanity?" He remembered how Jesus died when he was nailed to the cross, and couldn't help but tremble. Would he have to endure more suffering? Zeke imagined rusty nails longer than his fingers, piercing through his small palm. Zeke begged his father to save him, but he only said that he had to do this for humanity. He shivered. Zeke covered his face with the blanket, tears streaming down his face, soaking his pillow. Why was he born to suffer like this? He wasn't Jesus, he didn't want to live this life anymore. If only he had never been born. Zeke, with those painful thoughts, slowly fell asleep.
Zeke's life continued as usual until he was eight years old. His mother, Dina, fell ill. The plague spread quickly in such a closed place. There were only a few doctors in the village, Grisha and two others. They all tried their best to save people and prayed to God. Perhaps their prayers were partly answered, or because of the doctors' efforts, the plague was pushed back and many people were cured. However, Dina, his mother, was not so lucky. She passed away after a high fever. Zeke clearly remembered his mother lying on the bed with yellow skin and purple lips, while Grisha and the others tried their best to save her. Finally she stroked Grisha's cheek, smiled gently and said, "Let me go Grisha, Heaven has called my name." Her hand slid down from Grisha's face and her eyes slowly closed. Grisha held her hand tightly and remained silent. Zeke was led upstairs by an old woman. She covered him with a blanket and told him not to be sad, his mother had gone to God and was in a better place. She told him that he must live a good life and fulfill his responsibilities so as not to disappoint his mother. The light in his room went out, but the room was not completely dark. Downstairs, in his parents' room, a dim yellow light was still on. The light was on all night long. The next morning, everyone in the village attended his mother's funeral. His father stood up to perform the ceremony and everyone below prayed together. He stood next to his father, trying to follow Grisha's words while trying to peek at his mother under the coffin. But Zeke couldn't see anything. He stood there until the coffin was closed and she was buried. His mother was buried in a plot of land near the forest, under a juniper tree. So ironically, from then on, Zeke's location increased, including his house, church, and mother's grave. The boy had another place to play. Although he still had no one to play with, it was better than staying at home. Grisha, although very sad about Dina's death, quickly accepted that it was "God's will". Everyone advised him to remarry because he was still young and the position of Prophet still needed a successor. Finally, after everyone's arrangement, Grisha remarried a young female believer named Carla. Carla treated Zeke very well, but kept her distance like everyone else. Zeke understood and sympathized with this stepmother because he knew that with his status, it was difficult for people to treat him normally. Zeke had gotten used to loneliness early on, and he gradually tried to accept his fate. "Maybe this is my fate, after all, there is no other way to live in this world." Zeke sat under the juniper tree, plucking wild flowers from his mother's grave to weave a small wreath. The children in the sect often weave these wreaths to wear on each other. Zeke had no one to crown him, so he crowned himself. Wildflowers hid under his blond curls, carrying the damp scent of grass and trees. Before he knew it, Zeke had fallen asleep under the tree. The church bell rang, waking him up. Zeke ran towards the church, out of breath. The wreath on his head fell off, leaving only a few flowers stuck in his curly blond hair.
That fall, after finishing dinner, Zeke was about to go to his room when suddenly his stepmother, Carla, covered her mouth and gagged. Grisha quickly went to check on her and reassured Zeke to go to bed first. Zeke walked up the stairs but instead of going straight into his room and locking the door, he stood at the top of the stairs to listen in. Because he was standing quite far away, he couldn't hear what they were saying, but Zeke saw that after they talked for a while, Grisha's face became extremely happy. Seeing his father like that, Zeke guessed that she was fine so he went to the bedroom. When he was about to lie down to sleep, a noise from outside the window startled him. It was a very large black bird. The room's lights were off and the moon was not bright tonight, Zeke couldn't tell what kind of bird it was. Its eyes were a creepy and ghostly green, staring at him. Zeke had never seen a bird with green eyes before. This green color sent a shiver down his spine. He wanted to avoid the bird's terrifying gaze, but he was too afraid to go to the window and close the curtains because it was right next to the window. The bird's claws scratched the glass. Zeke covered himself in fear and covered his ears, praying for the bird to fly away. But it didn't, the horrible sound lingered in Zeke's ears. Even though he was covered in the blanket, Zeke could still feel the bird's gaze burning him. Cold sweat ran down Zeke's forehead. He prayed for the morning to come as soon as possible. Then he felt a weight pressing down on him. It felt like a pair of claws were grabbing Zeke's stomach. The boy trembled and looked up from the blanket. Those evil green eyes stared at him. Zeke felt like he had forgotten how to breathe. The bird had flown in at some point and was perched right on top of him. Zeke was so scared that he felt like he had peed his pants. The bird was bigger than him. Its beak opened and closed as it breathed, exuding a foul, fishy smell. Zeke's tears flowed unconsciously. Then suddenly the bird opened its mouth and flew towards him. Its mouth was red as blood. Zeke closed his eyes in terrified and let out a loud scream. When he opened his eyes, Zeke saw that it was morning. There was no bird, not even a feather. The window was still locked from the inside just like before he went to bed. Zeke was sweating profusely. The boy was bewildered by what had happened. He thought it was just a dream. But the dream was too real, that cold feeling still made him shiver. But there was no sign that the bird had gotten in last night. Even the blanket, which should have been wrinkled by the weight of the bird, was smooth as if nothing had ever pressed on it. Zeke felt so confused but he couldn't explain it. In the end, he concluded that he had a fever last night and had a fever dream. He was sweating profusely anyway, which was understandable. Zeke got out of bed to prepare for his morning prayers. Suddenly, he found his pants were soaked. He opened the covers and realized that he had wet himself. He felt very embarrassed because he was already 9 years old and still wet himself. Zeke quickly took off his wet pants, rummaged through the closet for new ones, thinking of a way to talk to his parents without getting scolded. Behind him, on the window, there was a scratch on the old glass.
When the family had just finished breakfast, Grisha called Zeke to sit down. His face was very bright and his attitude was very happy, so Zeke was somewhat reassured. Grisha rubbed Carla's belly, smiling and declaring:
-"Zeke, you're going to have a sibling."
Zeke was still bewildered, Grisha continued:
-"Your mother is pregnant, I checked. She's 3 months pregnant, thank God. You're going to be a big brother, Zeke."
He then turned to Carla, smiling gently. Zeke looked at the warm scene before his eyes, his heart filled with thoughts. He asked his father's permission to go to his room. When he got to his room, Zeke lay on the bed, unable to help but think about what his father had told him. His father was going to have another child. He suddenly remembered what he had experienced since he was a child. He remembered the nights he had to kneel from dusk until dawn to pray. He remembered the lonely and sad days alone. He remembered the nights he cried into his pillow, wishing he had never been born. Zeke was scared. He couldn't help but worry about the fate of his unborn sibling. There was a high chance they would have to go through what he had gone through. He felt that his unborn sibling was pitiful, they shouldn't have come to this life. Suddenly, a bold thought flashed through Zeke's mind. "No, no, that's not-." Zeke jumped up, feeling scared of himself for thinking that. Zeke tried to push it out of his mind, wanting to run to the juniper tree in front of his mother's grave to calm his mind. When he went downstairs, he saw his father talking to the others. They were congratulating him on the new baby. Grisha smiled and scratched his head:
-“That’s God’s will, maybe He wants to have more people to succeed me, to help humanity overcome this great disaster.”
-“Yes, this is a blessing from God. I believe this child is like Zeke, a blessing from God to redeem humanity. Grisha, please teach him well, like the way you taught Zeke.”
The two men laughed heartily. Zeke clenched his fists when he heard that. He walked down the stairs, trying to stay calm, bowed to his father and the guest, then walked out of the house. The beloved juniper tree was still rustling peacefully, but his heart was burning. Thinking of his father and the man's words and their gleeful laughter, Zeke felt a resentment welling up in his chest. The feeling that he had long thought he was numb to now ached like a thorn in his hand. Zeke's tears welled up again, and he felt the familiar helplessness and despair. He didn't know what else he could do to change this fate. Now, he knew that there would be another life to follow his fate, like an unbreakable cycle. Zeke covered his face and cried because of his helplessness and despair. Suddenly, he remembered his original thoughts. Yes, he might not be able to change his fate, but he could prevent his unborn sibling from suffering what he had suffered. Zeke raised his head to the juniper tree. On the tree were blue juniper berries, swaying in the autumn wind. He remembered that a pregnant woman had eaten juniper berries and had a miscarriage. His fists clenched, his knuckles turning white. Zeke took off his shoes. He then returned home with dirty clothes and socks, and a bag bulging with juniper berries. Carla looked at him worriedly, asking:
-“Are you okay Zeke, did you fall? Are you hurt anywhere? Come here, let me see.”
-“I’m fine, thank you.” -Zeke replied, not raising his head to look at his stepmother. Carla felt uneasy when she saw this, but she couldn’t bear to ask any more. Carla was just about to leave with Zeke’s dirty socks when Zeke suddenly called out:
-“Carla?”
-“What’s wrong, honey?”
Zeke raised his head and looked straight at her. His blue-gray eyes were empty, but there was a smile on his face. He said:
-"You've worked hard, would you like some tea?"
The kettle on the stove gurgled. Zeke stood by the stove, silently crushing juniper berries in a cup. Zeke felt his hands sweat. What he was about to do was absolutely insane. He remembered the woman in the village who had accidentally eaten juniper berries. She had cried until faint twice over the loss of her unborn child. He remembered Carla. She was a good person, and that made him hesitate. He couldn’t see Carla crying herself until faint before his eyes. His hand that was crushing the juniper berries paused. He felt that his actions were too cruel. But what about the child? Did his unborn sibling deserve a life of suffering? Was it more cruel to let a woman lose something that wasn’t even born, or to make a child suffer for the rest of their lives? Zeke pursed his lips, his hand tightening on the spoon that crushed the juniper berries. Any wound will heal, but the life of the child born will never escape the cycle of suffering. Zeke poured the crushed juniper berries into the teapot, adding plenty of honey to mask the bitterness. Finally, he strained the pulp to avoid suspicion. His teapot was finally done. Holding the teapot in his hands, Zeke could not help but tremble. He tried to convince himself that this was the right thing to do. Suddenly, a noise came from the window. Zeke turned his head in surprise. A black raven with unusual green eyes looked at him. The green was very familiar. Zeke shuddered when he realized it was the green of the giant black bird's eyes in his dream. Zeke stood frozen in place, unable to move. The black raven jumped in through the open window. Cawing "Caw!" and flew quickly towards him. Zeke was startled and raised his hand to block it, eyes closed. A burning sensation on his hand. Zeke cried out in pain. The raven was still making sharp sounds in his ears. Carla heard Zeke's cries from the kitchen and rushed in to check on him. She saw Zeke lying on the floor, the teapot beside him spilled all over. Zeke's hand was stained with hot tea, and a prominent red spot appeared on it. Carla quickly sat down to check on Zeke. She gently patted his head to comfort him:
- "It's okay, it's okay, I'm here. Don't cry anymore, it's okay."
Zeke felt Carla’s hand on his head and her comforting words. He opened his eyes. Zeke was shocked to see that the raven was no longer there. It was obvious that just a second ago, the raven’s shrill screams were still in his ears. Zeke looked around the kitchen. Not a single window was open! Cold sweat broke out on his back. He shivered and asked Carla:
-“Stepmother, did you…see…a raven?”
-“No, when I came in, there was no raven. What’s wrong, Zeke?”
Zeke didn’t answer Carla. He looked at the burn on his hand in shock. A red mark was on his cold tone white skin. His other hand, which was propped up on the floor, touched a puddle of warm water. It was the water from the teapot that had been knocked over. In the water, there were still crushed juniper berries. “That raven stopped me from giving this teapot to Carla.” That thought appeared in Zeke’s mind. Zeke felt a chill run down his spine. He glanced at Carla's belly. She was kneeling, so from this angle he could see her stomach bulge a little, though it was hard to see. A bad feeling welled up in him, but Zeke couldn't quite place it. Zeke swallowed, struggled out of Carla's arms, and ran upstairs.
After that event, everything seemed to return to normal. Zeke did not experience any strange things for the next 6 months. Life continued as usual, not much changed except that Carla's belly grew bigger and she had difficulty moving around. Other women came to help and watch over her during that time. Zeke had to learn the rituals with his father, so he soon forgot about the bird with the strange blue eyes. Soon, Carla's due date approached. Everyone in the village was busy preparing for the birth of the New Prophet's descendant. Zeke had never seen his house so crowded since his mother's death. His house was beautifully decorated with lots of candles and red silk ribbons. Beside Carla, many women, both old and young, gathered to take care of her. They caressed Carla's round belly, talking to her about the baby that was about to be born. An old woman brought her a bowl of hot soup while the little girls braided Carla's hair. Zeke stared at the scene before him in amazement. Grisha placed his hand on his shoulder and said:
-"When you were born, everyone did the same thing, Zeke."
Zeke remained silent and did not respond. He looked at Carla's round belly unconsciously. Suddenly, he felt like something was looking at him. He shivered at that feeling, his whole body suddenly numb. Grisha sensed his abnormality and quickly asked:
-"Are you okay, Zeke?"
-"Yes, I'm fine, father."
Zeke quickly bowed his head to answer his father, not daring to look at Carla's belly anymore. Although Grisha found Zeke's attitude strange, he decided to ignore it. He told Zeke:
-“There is a high chance that Carla will give birth soon, Zeke. It could be tomorrow or even tonight. Let’s prepare and pray together for her to have a successful birth.”
That early summer night, Carla gave birth. After her painful groans, a baby's cry rang out. "It's a boy! I have another son!" Grisha held the newborn baby in his arms. On the bed, Carla whispered to Grisha to show her the baby. Another doctor in the village took the baby from Grisha's arms to Carla. Seeing her baby safely born, a happy smile appeared on her face pale with pain. She held the baby gently, looked at its red, grimacing face, and muttered:
"My son, oh, he is so precious, thank God."
Everyone in the delivery room was extremely happy and thanked God for this successful birth. Outside the window, a flock of strange birds were watching this scene. Zeke, meanwhile, was not at home. Grisha was afraid of disturbing Zeke's sleep, so he sent him to a believer's house to sleep overnight. Although no one made any noise, Zeke couldn't sleep for some reason. Zeke thought it might be because he was in a strange room. Feeling bored, he decided to walk around the room to take a look. Actually, this room was very ordinary, but he rarely had the chance to stay in a place other than his own, so he was very interested. The moon was very bright that night, so he didn't feel the need to turn on the lights. Moreover, this house was U-shaped, and his room's window was opposite the homeowner's window, so turning on the lights would wake them up. Zeke groped around the room curiously. This room had simpler furniture than Zeke's room. It had a wooden bed for an adult, a bedside table, and a chest of drawers for clothes, a typical guest room. However, it had more stuff than Zeke's room. Perhaps because no one had lived there for a long time, this room was also used as a storage room. To welcome Zeke, they tried to clean up the room. However, the furniture couldn't fly away and they couldn't create more rooms, so the pile of stuff was just neatly stacked in a corner. It was all sorts of household items, Christmas decorations, old books, etc. Among them, the most prominent was the old statue of the Virgin Mary holding the baby Jesus, neatly placed on a chest of drawers with two candles next to it. The paint was peeling off in many places, but it seemed to be cleaned regularly. Zeke remembered that they had a new, more beautiful statue in the living room, perhaps this was an old statue but they couldn't bear to throw it away so they kept it. After all, shopping in the village was difficult, everything depended on Grisha and the missionary group that went with him to the city to buy things, so the households here rarely threw things away, even when they weren't using them anymore. Moreover, this statue was quite beautiful, it was just that the paint was peeling off too much. Zeke looked at the statue for a while, felt bored, so he put it back in its original place and went to sleep. However, he still couldn't sleep. Zeke was lying on the bed, rolling back and forth in boredom. When he turned his head towards the chest of drawers, he suddenly saw two candles suddenly burning. He jumped up, staring at the chest of drawers in panic, unconsciously retreating towards the wall. On the statue of the Virgin Mary holding the baby Jesus, two streams of red blood flowed from her eyes. Zeke saw this and rushed to the door, wanting to run away from here. But the door couldn't be opened. Zeke turned his head to look. The cross hanging above the statue suddenly hung upside down. The whole room shook violently. The moon outside suddenly turned blood red. Zeke was so scared that he banged on the door frantically. His fingernails scratched the door, even coming off. He kept shouting for help, hoping to escape from here. Then the door suddenly opened. Zeke lost his balance and fell in. He screamed and rushed forward. Then, Zeke realized that he had woken up. The room was lit up, and in front of him, the two hosts were standing. They looked like they had just run here. Sweat beaded their foreheads, but their faces were happy. Before Zeke could gather his wits, they spoke, almost shouting:
-“Your mother gave birth, you have a little brother, Zeke! We humans have more hope!”
They said and hugged the boy. Obviously, they did not come here because of his cry for help. Zeke was bewildered. Was it all just a dream? His eyes unconsciously looked towards the chest of drawers. Everything looked as if nothing had happened. Was Zeke really just dreaming? The statue was still in the same place, the candles were still out, and the cross was hung correctly again. The excited hosts wanted to take him home to see his little brother. Zeke was dragged out of the room in a daze. The door was closed. Long scratches covered the wooden door. In the middle of the splinter of one scratch, a fingernail was stuck.
However, Zeke was not allowed to visit his brother that night. Grisha said that it was late and Carla needed to rest, Zeke could see his brother the next day. Zeke obediently nodded and followed Grisha upstairs to pray. After all, he was in no mood to visit his brother after that terrible dream. Zeke was absent-minded, unable to help but think as he prayed. The recent strange events were like a warning of a terrible omen that was about to happen. Zeke did not know what was about to happen, but he was terrified of it. He looked up at the cross in front of him and then at his father who was praying with his hands clasped. Zeke swallowed hard, his eyelids closed. His clasped hands clenched, his nails digging into the white flesh. “Please God, please protect me.” Zeke prayed as sincerely and earnestly as he could that night. Outside the window, the first rays of dawn were already breaking.
Zeke's younger brother was named Eren. In the cozy room, Eren was held in Carla's arms. Zeke sat beside his father by her bedside, silently watching them. She was still weak after giving birth not long ago, but her pale complexion didn't diminish the overflowing maternal love she felt for Eren. Zeke's brother was wrapped in warm layers of cloth, only revealing a tiny, red head with thin strands of black hair. He was too small to open his eyes. Carla held the baby in her arms, stroking his soft, red face. The baby's delicate facial muscles twitched slightly at the touch of Carla's hand. She smiled at Eren's reaction and gently carried him to Zeke and Grisha.
"Come here, come and see the baby,"
Grisha carefully took the child from Carla. He gently lifted Eren's swaddling cloth and smiled happily at the sight of his healthy son. Grisha bent down, bringing the child closer to Zeke.
“Zeke, come here and look. This is your little brother, you’re the big brother now.”
Eren’s small, round face appeared before Zeke. Although Zeke was still dazed by the events that had just transpired, the heartwarming scene had lifted his spirits a little. He reached out, wanting to touch his brother, when suddenly, a tiny red hand reached out and grasped his fingers. Zeke was startled by this action. Eren, his younger brother, had just taken his hand. Carla and Grisha saw this and burst into laughter.
“Oh, this child seems to like his older brother so much,” Carla said.
“Haha, the two brothers seem to get along very well, thank God.”
Zeke looked at the two of them laughing happily, then looked at Eren’s small face. The newborn baby before him was both strange and familiar. The silky black hair on that small, round head had nothing to do with his own platinum blonde hair. But the warm blood in the small hand holding his flowed with him. This was his younger brother, his new family, the continuation of his deceased mother. The boy was his, and he would grow up with him. He would experience what he had experienced. His other finger gently stroked the hand that was tightly gripping his. A feeling of sadness and pity welled up inside him, for his younger brother before him, and perhaps for himself. But glimmering within it was also joy and love. He was no longer alone. His fingers traced over Eren's face, which now felt like his own. He promised himself he would be a good older brother to Eren.