Chapter Text
The warehouse in the tower remained dark, with the only light coming from the talking screen and another that illuminated where the machine containing the King of Hell was.
He had been lured to VoxTech's large warehouse by the supposed call from Charlie, which turned out to be a trap set by the colorful box that called itself Voxer or something like that; he couldn't remember the name of that overlord who kept going on about his super evil plan to conquer Heaven.
The grip of the machine was starting to hurt him; being tied up in the air was not a kink of his that could be useful to the author of the malevolent plan.
Meanwhile, Vox was enjoying the success of his plan: he had not only managed to convince Carmilla to build him a weapon strong enough to contain the King of Hell himself, but also, the king had fallen perfectly into his trap, which was so obvious that any other demon would have deduced it was one.
Definitely, luck was smiling on him; soon the long-dreamed Promised Land would be under his control, and he would be the master of both Heaven and Hell.
He had won, and he was confident that, no matter what or who tried to stand against him, he could crush any obstacle.
In front of him, suspended in a reinforced containment cage, Lucifer Morningstar hung from blue energy shackles. It didn’t matter if he transformed into his demonic form or used all his strength—the technology from the famous weapons manufacturer was specifically designed to neutralize real power.
Even so, the father of the hotel owner didn’t seem particularly scared.
―I have to say it ―commented Lucifer, examining one of the shackles as if it were a poorly matched piece of jewelry―. You have terrible taste in decoration, but this... this is impressive.
Vox let out a dry, digital laugh.
—The irony is delicious, the King of Hell reduced to an object to conquer the very place from which he was banished.
—Oh, please ―replied Lucifer―. If I wanted, this cage would be confetti.
—But you won’t ―said Vox, stepping forward and scratching the glass of the container―. Because this time, you have no advantage.
Lucifer tilted his head, amused.
—Sure about that?
Before Vox could respond, a laugh pulled the Fallen Angel away from his conversation with the supposed future king.
He noticed the hotel bellboy sitting elegantly in a swivel chair, near the two of them.
The radio demon stood upright, as if being a prisoner of the King of the Media was no big deal. His smile was wide, and he remained fixedly and insultingly calm; his red eyes gleamed with genuine interest when they met Lucifer's.
—Oh —said Lucifer—, Bambi.
Alastor tilted his head in an exaggeratedly polite greeting.
—Your Majesty —he hummed—. What a pleasant surprise, I didn't expect to share captivity with such distinguished company.
The Vox screen flickered with interference.
—Don't call me that.
Lucifer raised an eyebrow, —Call you what?
«Bambi» he quoted irritably, and although he tried not to show that he minded the nickname, the flicker on his screen gave him away.
Alastor let out a distorted chuckle that echoed through the warehouse: —Oh, come on, if the nickname bothers you so much, I should use it more often.
—Shut your mouth —Vox growled—, you’re not here to have fun.
—Oh, really? —Alastor replied—. Because, frankly, I’m having a lot of fun.
Vox stood in front of the chair where the broadcaster was sitting and approached with a clearly annoyed and frustrated expression. The Radio Demon couldn’t help but smile with satisfaction; driving his former partner crazy had always been one of his uncontrollable talents.
—See, Your Majesty? —the prisoner continued the conversation naturally—. I always knew he meant something special to him.
Lucifer let out a hearty laugh. —Oh, definitely.
Vox's gaze hardened.
—Don't get things confused. It's not personal.
Lucifer settled back, relaxed, with an expression that highlighted how ridiculous Vox's arguments sounded.
—Uh-huh. And I don’t have wings.
Their conversation was interrupted for the second time by the sharp squeak of the rolling chair moving across the few meters from where it had been all that time; both turned toward Alastor, who was thoroughly amused to once again be the center of attention under the frustrated stares of the infernal king and the sinner with severe mental issues.
During the few seconds they remained silent, watching the most powerful sinner, Lucifer looked away and noticed something in Vox's expression as he continued to follow his rival's movements with his eyes. It was not a look of hatred, much less of disdain or superiority like the ones he usually noticed in Alastor; it was one with something deeper and more intimate.
He straightened up a little, watching Vox with genuine attention.
Lucifer observed the scene with growing delight; if he could, he would have rested his chin on one hand.
—That explains a lot —he murmured.
Vox turned to him, catching what the father of Assbin's owner meant.
—Don’t start.
—Start what? —Charlie’s father asked—. I’m just… connecting the dots.
He straightened slightly within the cage.
—I don’t know what you mean —Vox’s eye twitched with irritation; he was eager to separate those two and get out before he snapped from the stress they were causing him.
Lucifer shrugged, laughing —I’m just noticing how you look at me with hatred… and at him with quite an intense fixation —he nodded toward Alastor, who had stopped moving in his place.
Alastor smiled even more: —Oh, that’s not a fixation —he said, rolling his eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in Hell—. It’s suppressed admiration.
—I don't admire you! —Vox roared.
—You're right, darling —Alastor replied with poisonous sweetness—, you're obsessed with me.
The shark demon frowned and forced a laugh.
—I'm not.
—Sure you are —Alastor continued,— that's why you accepted my deal without a second thought.
—You're a tool —he replied coldly—, nothing more.
Alastor tilted his head.
—Is that all I am to you, dear? You're breaking my heart.
—Don't pretend —the Vees member snapped—, you love the attention.
Alastor's smile sharpened.
—And you love giving it to me.
Their gazes met as if they wanted to annihilate each other, the blue demon crossed his arms in protest, and the announcer spread his smile with a triumphant look.
Lucifer let out a loud laugh.
—I can't believe no one has made a soap opera with you two yet.
Vox glared at him.
—This is not a game.
—Of course it is —Lucifer replied—, and you are losing.
Vox stepped forward.
—My machine is ready, Heaven will fall, and you can't do anything.
Lucifer laughed, half annoyed and half amused, —This is fantastic, seriously. All this stupidity, because of your ridiculous obsession with the bellhop?
The King of Television clenched his fists; he was used to his enemy treating him like an idiot, but he was not going to let anyone else do the same.
—I've already said it, he's nothing more than a mere pawn —he repeated.
—Is that all I am to you? —Alastor asked with sarcasm and a mock look of disappointment—. How disappointing, I was at least expecting a dramatic monologue.
Vox growled. The silence was tense, just like the warehouse atmosphere; his patience seemed like a bomb, about to explode.
Mental note: don’t put those two in the same place at the same time.
Lucifer sighed, overly disappointed.
—If I may interject —he chimed in with false courtesy—, this whole conversation is charming, but I'm afraid you're ignoring the key point.
Both of them looked at him.
—And what would that be…? —Lucifer invited.
Alastor tilted his head toward Vox, —That the only thing he really wants… is me.
The interference cut through the room like a whip; Vox stood still for one moment too long, long enough for the ruler of Hell to confirm Alastor’s remark.
—Let me understand —Lucifer finally spoke—: celestial machine, stolen energy, conquest of Heaven... all this unnecessary drama... over a pointless employee?
Alastor adjusted his annoyed smile; he could have said many things, all of them offensive to the infernal king, and he wouldn’t have cared at all, but clearly, that one had caught him by surprise, and it was definitely the worst of them.
Vox's screen showed a grimace.
—You don’t understand anything.
Lucifer let out a laugh that echoed throughout the place. —Oh, of course I understand.
Vox clenched his jaw.
—Don’t do this.
—Do what? —he asked, still chuckling softly.
—Turn it into a joke —he replied through gritted teeth.
Lucifer took a deep breath, bringing a hand to his chest as if he had just received a divine revelation.
—Oh, this is not a joke. This is... clarity.
Alastor smiled with renewed interest.
—I'm afraid I don't understand, Your Majesty.
Lucifer leaned forward, looked Vox squarely in the eye with a serious gaze.
—Listen carefully, Voxer.
—It's Vox, damn old man! —he shouted, already exasperated; more than five minutes had passed since he started introducing himself to the king at the beginning of his capture, and he still couldn't even get his name right.
—Yes, yes, to hell with it —he said—; your plan and your sick obsession threaten my collection of rubber ducks, endanger my daughter, and you —he looked at Alastor— have the annoying habit of showing up where you're not invited.
Alastor shrugged, as if he had been complimented —It's a talent.
Lucifer continued: —So I'm going to settle this once and for all.
Vox watched him, puzzled.
—How?
Lucifer smiled dangerously, —In the simplest way.
He started struggling with one of the shackles holding his hands until he managed to free one, and before Vox could reach for the weapon container control in the suit's pockets, he continued:
—I'm going to marry you.
The statement struck like lightning, Alastor's eyes widened, while Vox had let the machine's control slip from his hands.
—What?! —both sinners shouted.
The ground lit up with ancient symbols, circles of power spreading beneath Vox's feet and around Alastor's cables. The air compressed, charged with an energy that belonged neither to Heaven nor to ordinary Hell.
—Wait —Vox said desperately as he hurriedly walked toward Lucifer, that wasn’t part of his plans—. You can’t!
However, Lucifer went ahead:
—I now pronounce you man and wife! —and with a snap of his fingers, the golden symbols spreading across the floor leapt in an explosion of light that forced the two media kings to close their eyes.
Vox and Alastor felt something sealing within their core, as if it had accepted something without their consent.
—Done! —announced the King of Hell happily.
When they opened their eyes again, they found themselves bound to each other with a chain. There was no hook or handle, basically, they were both tied by the neck while the links connected them.
«Just what I needed» Alastor thought as he followed the chain’s direction with his gaze, «Of all the people I could be unfortunate enough to marry, it had to be the box with severe mental issues».
Vox stepped back, holding in his hands the metal that was pinning his neck.
—What did you do?!
Lucifer smiled and lowered his hand, satisfied with the result.
—A legal, magical, and absolutely binding marriage —he explained, moving his hand to free himself, with another snap, from the other shackles that had him suspended in the air.
—What?! —the director of the V Tower erupted in fury—. This is humiliating!
—Exactly —Lucifer applauded—, that's what makes it effective.
Alastor looked at the ground, taking his head in his hands, incredulous at what was happening —This isn't real, it can't be.
Lucifer approached them, his voice lowering dangerously.
—It’s as real as my degree, as real as Hell. And as real as the consequences if you try to break it.
Alastor watched him in pure horror, the ruler of the place stepped back and smiled widely.
—Congratulations —he added—. Hell has just gained a very interesting couple.
Alastor tilted his head, looking at his now husband and sending him a murderous glare.
—I’ve always wanted to get married by surprise —he commented in a sarcastic tone.
Vox looked at him with hatred, controlling himself from lunging at him to kill him.
Lucifer watched them with interest and an uncontrollable urge to cry; weddings always made him overly sentimental, «I love it when things fall into place on their own».
—Oh, this is going to be so much fun —he smiled, resting his hands on his cheek, enjoying the sight of the newlyweds.
The tower buzzed again, recovering from the blackout his power had caused.
And Hell had just gained the most awkward marriage in its history.