Archive of Our Own

July, 2020

“I cannot lie, Hunter threw a good wedding.”

“...I mean, it’s a party, but not like that?”

Ilya’s body hit Shane’s couch with a muffled sound and he idly waved his right hand in the air. “Too tired to care about English,” he murmured. It was just past midnight when the pair had returned to Shane’s house in Montreal and they both admittedly had not gotten much sleep on the plane. 

“Too tired or still a bit hungover?” Shane quipped with a raised eyebrow as Ilya grumbled. It wasn’t like he was judging, but since starting his performance diet he took note when Ilya had gone a bit overboard when drinking and it honestly just made him worry about his boyfriend. They had been exclusively together for three years now, though still in secret, but at least able to publicly be friends as opposed to rivals. But Shane knew it was a strain on Ilya’s mental wellbeing, it was on his as well. And such a public event, full of declarations of love, wasn't helpful to their situation. 

A sigh escaped him as he walked over and gently ran his hand through Ilya’s soft hair. “Come on, let's head to the room…” Shane said, holding a hand out. It was as though the simple sentence awoke something in Ilya as his gaze raked over Shane and his lips curved into a grin. “Seriously?”

“Mmh… The whole time, I wanted to touch you,” Ilya said, his voice surprisingly steady and sober now. The travel and alcohol admittedly had been good covers for how Ilya had really been feeling. The feelings he wanted to bury deep down and never think about. But sex? That did a good job at letting Ilya forget, let him pretend that they were a normal, loving couple. So, he took Shane’s head and took the lead as they went upstairs to the bedroom. Once at the top of the stairs he couldn’t hold back. He hungrily, urgently, crashed his lips against Shane’s, drawing a surprised moan from his boyfriend.

Smiling against Shane’s lips, Ilya gently pushed him onto the bed and then straddled his thighs. “Beautiful, always so beautiful…” he whispered both in English and Russian. The words like a desperate prayer. “I know it’s late…”

“I want it..” Shane quickly said as his eyes locked with Ilya’s. “So.. long as you’re okay to…”

Ilya didn’t want to talk, didn’t want feelings right now. So he just took Shane’s lips in a deep kiss and pinned his wrists behind his head. Thankfully Shane did not mind, thrusting his hips against Ilya in a desperate attempt for friction as they kissed. A deep groan escaped Ilya as he broke the kiss. “Mhm.. always so needy.. My little slut…” He delighted in the way Shane flushed, from his neck to the tip of his ears. “Love you so much…” 

Peeling his shirt off of him he climbed off of Shane to strip down before reaching into the side table for the lube and condoms. “Wait….” Shane’s quiet voice stopped Ilya, an eyebrow raised in question. He watched as Shane chewed his bottom lip, clearly trying to force what he wanted to say out. It felt like an eternity before Shane glanced at the condoms, then to Ilya and swallowed hard. “No condom tonight..” he finally managed out shyly.

It was Ilya’s turn to swallow hard, his heart flipping and tumbling in his chest. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears as he looked down at Shane and tangled his hand in his boyfriend’s. “You.. You are sure…?” his voice was a low rumble, his accent thick. 

“Yeah, I’m sure…” Shane said, tone a bit more confident. “We’ve been exclusive for over three years so…”

Whatever control Ilya had left snapped as he began to sloppily attack Shane’s neck as his hands frantically explored his body, pulling clothes off as he did so. Lips traveled from Shane’s neck, to his chest, pausing over each nipple before he began traveling lower. “Moya lyubov.. moyo vso.. My love.. my everything…” Ilya kept repeating the two phrases over and over, alternating between Russian and English as Shane squirmed beneath him.

“God.. Ilya.. please…” Shane gasped.

“What do you need..?”

“You.. inside me.. I need to feel you…”

Shit. Fuck. 

He fumbled with the lube bottle, cursing under his breath as the lid cracked in the process. Shaking his head he coated his fingers and gingerly placed the bottle on the floor where it couldn’t be knocked over while he prepped Shane. It took every bit of strength Ilya had to ease him into it, his thumb making soft circles around Shane’s rim for what felt like ages before he pushed a finger deep inside. He watched with a lust drunk gaze as Shane moaned sharply before adding a second finger, scissoring and stretching in the way that Shane loved. Pushing a third finger in, he curled them just so as he searched, and found, Shane’s prostate. A low rumble of a laugh escaped him at the sound Shane made and he pulled the fingers nearly all the way out before slamming them in again.

“Fuck,” Shane gasped as he locked eyes with Ilya. “I’m ready. Your cock.. Please…”

As much as Ilya wanted to continue teasing Shane, he pulled away, licking his lips at the sound his boyfriend made now that he was empty. Grabbing the bottle of lube he drizzled his cock and gently stroked to coat it, looking at the display of Shane’s naked form below him. His cock was resting against his abs, so hard. So red, glistening with precome. “Goregous….” he managed out in a breathless moan as he lined his dick up with Shane’s waiting hole.

There was no word in English or Russian Ilya could come up with to explain just how good it felt to be buried inside of Shane with no barrier. And judging by the look on Shane’s face he likely felt the same way. He took a handful of steadying breaths, feeling like he could come already. He wanted this to last, he wanted to savor every little moment. But Shane had other plans, gently rolling his hips in a desperate attempt for friction and Ilya groaned loudly. “Ah.. hold on.. Too much.. Too good..”

“I can’t help it, fuck,” Shane admitted as he bit his lip.

“I know,” Ilya admitted. “Just.. fuck, Shane. I need a second.. Or I’m going to blow so fast…”

He took another moment to adjust to the sensation, locking eyes with Shane before pulling nearly all the way out and slamming back in. The pleasure was absolutely unreal, and he found himself adjusting slightly, moving Shane’s legs to rest on his shoulders as he jackhammered into him. He knew he would not be able to last long, so he figured he might as well give it his all. 

“Ah, look.. At your beautiful cock,” Ilya murmured sweetly as he took Shane’s cock in his hand and began to stroke in time with his thrusts. “Always.. So ready for me…”

Shane arched his back, thrusting against Ilya’s hand. “Jesus Christ Ilya,” he hissed through gritted teeth. There was no way he was going to last much longer with how good this all felt. His mouth opened and closed as he tried to let Ilya know this, but… Ilya could read Shane like a book.

“It’s okay, moya lyubov,” Ilya murmured against his neck. “Come for me Shane…”

And that was it, Shane wailed out a moan as he tightened around Ilya as he came. He felt hot splash after hot splash as he came over his abdomen and chest. He looked up through his dark lashes, taking in the look of Ilya coming undone above him. “C.. Come for me, Ilya..”

“F..Fuck Hollander…”

Ilya pulled out one more time before pushing back deep into Shane as he came, grunting as he pushed his face into Shane’s shoulder. There were no words or thoughts that would describe how it felt, Ilya swallowing hard as he felt Shane’s softening cock between them twitch, and a small dribble of come coating the both of them. “Oh.. my god…” Ilya gasped as he locked eyes with Shane.

“I.. that..” Shane babbled, his face pink. “Too good..”

“So good,” Ilya agreed as he covered Shane with his body and just laid there. He planted soft, lazy kisses along Shane’s jaw, neck and shoulders murmuring softly in incoherent Russian. He finally pulled away as his soft cock slipped out of Shane and he kissed his boyfriend before getting up and going to the bathroom. He quickly cleaned himself up and grabbed a few damp cloths before returning to the bedroom and began to clean up Shane’s boneless body.

“Shane that was…” Ilya murmured. “The best thing ever…”

For all of the years of hockey and how in shape he was, Shane was still trying to catch his breath, just watching as he let Ilya take care of him, sighing contently as Ilya took the cloth against his tender rim. “It was.. but…” his face scrunched a little. 

“Messy?” Ilya said as he tried to bite back a laugh. 

“Yes, fuck you.”

“Mm, I don’t think either of us could get it up again…” Ilya finished cleaning Shane and tossed the washcloths into the hamper, it would be a problem for them in the morning. He grabbed each of them some pajamas from the dresser for the both of them, tossing Shane his before pulling his own on. 

Shane simply huffed out a laugh as he got dressed and climbed under the covers, smiling as Ilya did the same. “I love…” Shane started, a yawn cutting him off. “...you…”

Ilya brushed his thumb against Shane’s cheek, against those perfect freckles. “Love you too.. Good night Shane…”

************************

November, 2020

Shane wished he could do something to keep his heart from trying to escape his chest. He paced his bedroom back and forth once he had hung up with Ilya. He let his body drop onto the edge of his bed, burning his head in his hands. This was all completely, totally, fucked. All that was running through his head was why Crowell was bringing this up now. Scott had come out over three years ago. Ilya and Shane had started the Irina Foundation and the charity camps about two years ago. Nothing was adding up and Shane felt his body going cold, goosebumps taking over his arms as his stomach lurched.

He had barely made it to the bathroom before his stomach betrayed him. Sitting on the floor next to the toilet Shane bit back tears. It was unlike him to have this sort of reaction to stress, but here he was. Sniffling some he pulled his phone from his pocket and hesitated for a moment as he looked over his text threads. He considered texting Ilya again, but he knew he had a game tonight and he didn’t want to burden him anymore. Besides, he knew why he was freaking out already, he didn’t need to point out he had thrown up and was in danger of doing it again. 

Shane: Hey, are you busy?
Rose: Surprisingly, no. You okay?
Shane: …no

Shane sat on the bathroom floor fighting waves of nausea for about twenty minutes as he unloaded on Rose. By the time she let him know she had an event to get to, but she’d message him later, he was feeling a bit better. Both physically and mentally. Taking a deep breath he pushed himself up off the floor and found his way into bed. It had been a stressful day and he was going to listen to Rose’s advice for once and rest. Actually rest.

********************

January, 2021

It was only one month into the year and it was both the worst and best month of Ilya’s life (so far). He had nearly died, but in that Shane had proposed to him. They had a more fleshed out plan for when they were going to come out. For when they were going to get married. He laid in bed idly twisting his engagement ring between his fingers feeling like he could take on anything. Then he heard the crash. 

As he descended the stairs he raised an eyebrow as he watched Shane hunched over, a mug shattered at his feet. “Shane?” he asked carefully, his heart rate starting to pick up. 

Shane responded by just waving his hand a bit as he straightened himself out a bit, stretching his back as he let out a slow breath. “Sorry, I think I must have slept wrong or something, my like… stomach?—I guess—just is kinda tight and I keep getting some sharp pains. It just took me by surprise…” he explained, sighing as Ilya was already cleaning up the chunks of shattered ceramic. “I could have gotten that…”

“Is fine. I don’t mind.”

Once he was sure there were no hazards on the floor he wrapped his arms around his fiancé, his body going rigid as Shane took a sharp intake of breath as his body twitched. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked tightly. 

The truth was that Shane wasn’t sure. He couldn’t really describe what or where the pain was. The closest he could describe it was like a really bad muscle cramp, despite all he was doing was standing there. “Uh. Yeah. I’m fine,” he lied. Poorly.

Ilya was usually confident in his ability to read Shane after all these years, but now he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell if he looked so pale because he was anxious or if something horrible was wrong. He swallowed hard as a thought came to him. “Could this be… ah fuck, I don’t remember the English word…” he muttered, frantically waving his hand around in the general direction of Shane’s abdomen. 

“Appendicitis?” Shane supplied. 

“Da. Yes, that.”

Shane’s brows furrowed as he considered it. “Maybe? It’s kinda the whole abdomen, not just the right— Ilya??” he was cut off with a surprised gasp as Ilya grabbed his arm and tugged him towards the front door. “I probably just pulled something, seriously.” Shane protested. 

“No. I am taking you to the hospital. I am not letting anything happen to you,” Ilya’s words were clipped and his expression unreadable. Shane’s eyes softened. 

“Okay. Fine. Just drop me off then,” he pointed out as he climbed in. He sighed heavily at the look Ilya gave him as he climbed into the driver’s seat. “Oh, come on. It’s going to look really fucking weird if you stay with me.”

“Then let it be weird.”

********************

It was really fucking weird. Of course the staff immediately recognized both of them. Not even counting their over decade long careers, Shane was from Ottawa and Ilya played for Ottawa. But to their professional credit, no one argued or pushed as Ilya quickly came up with a cover that they were using down time to go over stuff for the Irina Foundation when Shane began to have the pain. 

With Shane’s permission, they allowed Ilya back with him and the two now sat in a private shoebox of an ER room. He was a tad bit woozy from the amount of blood they had taken from him and he felt that he was never truly going to remove all of the gel that was used for the ultrasound to check his appendix. And the worst of it was the pain had mostly stopped for the most part, making the wait with no news drag even worse. 

“I just want to go home,” Shane whined as he pushed his head back into the unyielding hospital bed. He glanced over to Ilya, who had his arms crossed over his chest, bouncing his leg frantically. “Let’s just go. I’m fine now. I think if it was my appendix they’d have said something by now…”

“No.”

Shane was about to open his mouth when two gentle knocks sounded against the door before it opened and his doctor slipped in. She looked between the two of them before setting her gaze on Ilya. “Mr. Rozanov, would it be alright if you waited in the hall so I could speak to—“

“I’d like him to stay, if that’s alright.” Shane’s heart felt like it was going to either explode or be crushed, he couldn’t figure it out yet. 

The doctor cleared her throat as she took the small stool and sat down. “Absolutely, if you’re okay with that,” she said. “This is just going to be some… awkward and personal stuff we’re gonna go over…”

Ilya was glad her focus was on Shane now, his eyebrows shooting up in confusion as he readjusted so his elbows were resting on his knees, his chin in his hands. He caught Shane’s gaze and offered a nod. Something about the doctor’s comment had almost comforted Ilya and he hoped he conveyed that to Shane. 

“So, I’m guessing nothing’s wrong…?” Shane tentatively asked. 

“In a manner of speaking,” the doctor offered as she thumbed through the folder of papers she brought in with her. It was clear that she didn’t know where to begin. So. She dove in. “Are you aware of what the term ‘intersex’ is?”

Ilya blinked a few times, English quickly failing him. He was about to pull out his phone to Google it, but he could see the gears in Shane’s head going, color draining from his face. He at least knew what she was asking, whatever it meant. 

“Are you saying I’m p… pre…” Shane tried to say, the words catching in his throat. He didn’t need any more explanation, he needed confirmation. 

“Pregnant. Yes, you are.”

The room got very quiet. The only clearly heard sound was the quicken of Shane’s breath as he began to grip at the flimsy sheets on the bed. Ilya had now taken to his phone to try and figure out what the fuck was just said. Because Shane definitely didn’t have the… equipment Ilya was used to that would lead to that diagnosis. 

He skimmed a few medical journals, allowing Google Translate to turn them into Russian to help him digest any of the information, gathering that clearly Shane had this ability, just. Easily missed. And would have stayed that way were he not gay. And likely had continued using condoms. 

“—so what you were experiencing were called Braxton Hicks contracts. It’s kind of like… the body’s practice run for labor…”

Ilya had clearly been so absorbed he had missed the conversation having continued. Shane’s color had returned, slightly, but he still looked terrified. 

“Wait,” Shane cut her off. “Are you saying that if this hadn’t happened. I could have gone the whole pregnancy not knowing?”

The doctor nodded. “Cryptic pregnancy isn’t a rare phenomenon. It happens to people with uteruses all the time. It certainly was beneficial in your case due to the complications of how your body developed,” she explained. “But your diet, work out regimen and the sport you play are all what have hidden this from you, we speculate you to be about six months along. With cryptic pregnancies, especially in athletes, it’s a bit harder to tell.”

Ilya couldn’t hold back any longer as he looked between Shane and the doctor. “Six months,” he blurted out. “As in, nearly ready to give birth.” Finding out he was going to be a father was enough of a surprise, let alone finding out he only had about three months to prepare as opposed to nine. 

Shane licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry as the doctor looked between them and cleared her throat. “I’d like to remind you that whatever is said in this room will not leave it, unless medically necessary. And both you and your child are medically fine,” she pointed out. 

This relaxed the pair and Ilya took the chance as he slid his chair over, wincing at the sound but not caring as he took Shane’s hand in his own. Shane quickly tangled their fingers together. “So. Uh,” Shane muttered, his eyes quickly flicking to Ilya. “Did it um… say what the gender was… by chance?”

“Since it wasn’t a formal scan, we can’t really confirm, but… it seems you will be having a girl.”

Ilya’s heart flipped as he pulled Shane’s hand to his lips and gently kissed his knuckles. “Oh my god… we’re going to have a little girl…” he murmured. 

The shock was quickly fading away, replaced by intense love and excitement. This truly was the worst and best month of Ilya’s life. 

************

Shane barely registered the rest of the visit or the ride home. He remembered a vague comment that he had to stop his diet and dial back working out, was given a name of a specialist and a vague note for his coach until he could see said specialist. Ilya had been equally dazed and quiet, occasionally allowing his right hand to come off of the steering wheel to find its way to Shane’s stomach. 

It was equal parts weird, adorable and even a bit exciting. 

Once they returned to Ilya’s house, however, Shane had the ability to roam. So he began to pace. And once he started pacing, the words began to tumble out. 

“Jesus Christ Ilya,” he gasped. “A baby. We are so not ready to have a fucking kid.”

Ilya winced and was glad Shane had not noticed. He had to remind myself that Shane was allowed to be scared and allowed to feel and express these feelings. Because it was scary. To go nearly thirty years thinking you biologically could not, should not, have a child, to finding out you’re six months pregnant with your secret fiancé’s child. It was a lot. 

He wrapped his arms around Shane to keep him place as soft little shushes escaped him. “Sweetheart, it is okay,” he said as he pressed a kiss to the top of Shane’s head. “Is all going to be okay.” Releasing his fiancé briefly, Ilya sank to his knees and gently lifted up Shane’s hoodie and shirt. 

He pressed his cheek to Shane’s stomach and let a beautiful, unguarded grin grace his face. He then pressed his lips against the soft skin as he looked up to meet Shane’s eyes. “She is perfect,” he whispered. “So strong, just like her Daddy…”

Shane melted. Tears immediately began to stream down his cheeks as he tangled his hands in Ilya’s hair. “And strong like her Papa…” he added. The way Ilya was able to take Shane out of a panic attack could probably be studied, but he honestly didn’t care right now. 

*******************

Shane and Ilya had been adjusting to this bombshell the best they could in the week since they had found out. Ilya handled it a bit better than Shane. It wasn’t even the change in routine. It was that it took him off the ice for the rest of the season. 

To keep the pregnancy as secret as possible they were going with the cover that Shane had torn a muscle in his abdomen and there was a high chance for surgery (not the biggest of lies), but it was not career ending. And in that, Ilya had insisted that Shane just move in with him, which Shane truthfully couldn’t argue with. Especially with Ilya away at the All-Star Game.

“Fucking hell…” he groaned as he attempted to put the crib his parents had bought them together. He had time to worry about it later, he reminded himself as he kicked the pieces that wouldn’t fit together. But he also knew he was nesting, he missed Ilya, and he wanted to scream. 

He sat on the edge of the bed and fell back, his arms out in a T as he stared up at the ceiling, before glancing at the small bump that was now forming under his shirt. He had genuinely been surprised that only about a week off of his diet (though still watching what he ate) was enough permission for his body to grow a spot for his daughter properly. 

It was the thing he was most concerned about at his first appointment, though he was assured that while the baby was a little behind on her weight and length, she was perfectly healthy and would likely catch up once Shane’s body was able to relax and work as intended. 

He laid a hand on the bump and rubbed his thumb in small circles, still completely floored that this was all happening. And as if to remind him this was real and not some fantasy, he felt a little flutter causing him to freeze. He pressed his thumb a bit harder against his stomach and felt it again, his hand being pushed away in the process. 

Shane’s heart swelled as his daughter wiggled and kicked with the new room she had, tears pricking at his eyes as he felt his phone vibrate next to him. He smiled at the FaceTime request and quickly answered. 

“…what is wrong??? Are you okay???” Ilya immediately asked as he noticed Shane’s eyes. 

“I’m fine! We’re fine!” He quickly said with a sniffle. “Just. Wait… hold on.…” He propped the phone up so he was fully in frame before pulling his hoodie tight against his body, the small bump making its appearance as he did so. 

“Oh my God, Shane…” Ilya murmured. “I did not think you could be more beautiful…”

“Shut up…”

“Is true, though.”

“A-Anyway,” Shane said as he cleared his throat and took the phone back in his hand. “Because she has more room she’s started moving, I felt her kick right before you called…”

He could see the conflict in Ilya’s eyes. He was so proud and so happy for this news, but Shane knew he was devastated to not be there to experience these little firsts. To get ready for this unexpected part of their lives. “You’ll be home tomorrow, right?”

“Mm, yes. Not much longer…”

“Hey…” Shane offered Ilya a smile before kissing his fingers and touching the screen gently. “We’re both okay. You really aren’t missing much. So she kicked. That means she is now kicking my bladder and I am pissing nearly constantly.”

This got a bark of a laugh out of Ilya before he quickly covered his mouth, making Shane lose it. “Shit. Stop. Can’t… breathe,” Shane gasped between giggles. “She’s… in my ribs…”

“Ah, moye solnyshko, stop hurting your Daddy…” Ilya “scolded” gently as his eyebrows pinched together seriously. 

“What’s that one mean?” He had finally caught his breath. 

“Uh, like “little sunshine,” Ilya said, his face scrunched as he clearly tried to remember the English word. 

“Oh that’s cute,” Shane said, his face red. 

“It is, yes. She is our sunshine. Is fitting, I think.”

“It is.”

*****************

February, 2021

“Mm, maybe I can be stay at home Papa,” Ilya murmured as he pressed his head against Shane’s stomach. He giggled and kissed as little feet kicked him, muttering sweet words just meant for the two of them in Russian. 

“You’d miss hockey too much,” Shane said as he idly flipped through channels with one hand, the other carding Ilya’s curls as they sat on the couch. 

“Don’t think so, solnyshko would keep me busy. And watching you play is fun.”

Shane looked down at Ilya as Ilya looked up at him. As their eyes locked and it was as though they knew what the other was going to say. 

“We haven’t thought about any names,” Shane said at the same time Ilya said “We should pick a name.”

They laughed as Ilya sat up and pulled Shane close to him. There had been no reason why they hadn’t talked about names, considering they had rushed every other part of their preparation to make sure they weren’t caught off guard. Having a name first probably would have helped that anxiety, in retrospect. 

“Do we want to use a name from one of our cultures?” Shane began. “I… don’t really have much tie to my Japanese roots so… if you wanted to go with a Russian name I’m okay with that.”

Ilya thought for a moment. He truly did not have many positive memories of growing up and living in Russia, he felt as though he should have some pride in his heritage, have something to pass along to his children. “Maybe. I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. “Let’s just see what names we like and go from there?”

“That sounds like a plan,” Shane agreed. 

With an iPad balanced on their laps, they went through numerous lists of baby names. It had been over an hour of fairly in-depth, meaningful discussions before they landed on their shortlist of three names. 

“Okay… we’ve got… Liliya, Alina, and Madison,” Shane said as he pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. 

“Three names is a pretty good list,” Ilya pointed out. 

Shane nodded as he idly drummed his fingers against Ilya’s leg. Ilya took the hand in his own and gently pressed his lips against Shane’s knuckles. “Relax, Hollander,” he murmured. 

“How can I relax?” Shane said finally. “This is the name we’re picking for our child. The name she will have to live with for the rest of her life.”

“Not true. She can change it if she doesn’t like it,” Ilya pointed out. “Especially if we are wrong and she is actually a boy…”

“Fuck off,” Shane said flatly. 

“Ah! Little ears!!” Ilya gasped as he pressed his hands on either side of Shane’s stomach. 

“She doesn’t stand a chance between us… and Hayden for that matter,” Shane pointed out as Ilya made a face. “Anyway. Let’s get serious. Thoughts? I’m torn between Liliya and Alina, personally.”

“Mm, both are very good,” Ilya agreed. 

“Alina meaning bright or light is fitting for her current nickname… and kinda sounds close to your mom’s name…” Shane watched as Ilya’s eyes teared up and he knew he had the same thought. “But… I mean… Liliya feels kinda explanatory why I like it…” His ears went red now. 

Perhaps it was weird to think about naming their child close to a name they used to disguise their hook ups years ago, but Ilya thought it was sweet that Shane even considered that. 

“Actually… we need to figure out our last name situa—“

“Hollander.”

“What?”

“No. I’m saying her last name should be Hollander,” Ilya said. “Is easier to say, not so long like if we combine our names.”

“Oh. Okay. Yeah, that’s fine. If you’re sure…” Shane managed out. He hated how emotional even the smallest things made him. 

Ilya immediately pulled Shane into him, kissing his temple and then moving to place soft, sweet kisses on his cheeks while whispering “hey hey hey” and “shh, shhh, it’s okay.” Kissing the tip of Shane’s nose as he took a deep breath Ilya finally pulled away with a smile. 

“I was thinking, maybe I take Hollander too.” He took Shane’s hand in his own to preemptively ground him. “At least for like, official stuff. Keep Rozanov for hockey. Be easier, yes?”

Shane could only nod. He was worried if he tried to speak he’d start crying. And he didn’t want to cry. So he took a few deep breaths as he focused on the list in front of them. Swallowing, he finally found words he knew he could speak. 

“Alina Liliya Hollander,” he said quietly as his eyes met Ilya’s. “Why choose?”

In response Ilya dropped down and pressed his lips on Shane’s stomach. “Alina Liliya. You like that moye solnyshko?” he murmured before holding his hands in the spot he had kissed. After a moment he felt the press of a foot against his hand and he couldn’t contain his gleeful laughter. “Da, your Daddy is very smart. Too bad he is not as good at hockey. Like your Papa.”

“Asshole.”

“What did I say about little ears?!”

*****************

March, 2021

Shane already hated doctors and appointments. He especially hated that despite everything being completely normal, he was considered a “high-risk pregnancy” which meant from now until they scheduled the c-section he had to go every couple of weeks or so to make sure everything was still okay. It did nothing for his already growing anxiety. The only thing that had kept him somewhat grounded for this one was that Ilya had been able to go with him. 

Actually, the only “only other thing” that kept him grounded was most of these appointments had been short. Some blood work, a quick measurement scan, and going over any results from blood work from the last time. Shane let out a breath as they walked outside into the cold air, glancing at Ilya as he did so. “God I’m so happy she’s caught up on her size…” he muttered as he bumped his body against Ilya’s. 

“I’m not surprised, now that you’re not on that stupid diet you can give her the room to grow,” he pointed out.

Shane frowned as he absentmindedly rubbed his stomach. “Yeah just..” he started.

“No ‘just,’” Ilya cut him off as he pulled him into a hug. “Alina deserves the best and you also deserve the best.. and that stupid diet was not the best.” He pressed a kiss to Shane’s forehead as he held him there, thankful there wasn’t anybody around at that moment.

At least, they thought.

Hayden: Shane
Hayden: Shane, seriously. This is important. Have you been on any social media today?
Hayden: Okay I know growing a human sucks but answer me

Shane squeezed his eyes to try and banish the sleep from his nap and focus on the screen as he heard the repeated pings of alerts. All he could manage to notice were a bunch of texts from Hayden and Rose and an urgent looking email. Before he had a chance to even unlock his phone, Ilya’s hand engulfed his and Shane found himself looking up with a quizzical look. “Hm? What’s wrong?” Shane asked, voice raspy with sleep.

It felt like it took forever for Ilya to respond. He was sitting up against the headboard, eyes locked on his phone as he scrolled, occasionally glancing over at his fiance. Shane grumbled something about wishing he could lay on his stomach as he readjusted to his side to face Ilya, staring him down.

“So you know how we were hugging outside of the doctor’s office today? Having a moment?” Ilya started.

Shane was now fully sitting up, color draining from his face as a wave of nausea hit him. “No.”

“Yes, someone saw us.” It wasn’t worth it to beat around what had happened. “The only plus is the pictures only show how cute we are. Your coat hides the bump. I spoke to Farah already, she’s going to prepare a statement for us.”

Shane let a small sigh of relief escape him. That was, in fact, a very big plus. Some “fan” seeing them in a rare public display of affection was always a risk, and as much as they didn’t want it to happen.. they were “prepared” for it. The pregnancy had certainly put into perspective what they cared about getting leaked, and their secret relationship was fine by them. Especially since he trusted their agent with the statement. But Shane could see that Ilya was still guarded, jaw set and his body stiff. “What else…?”

“Crowell’s office sent us both emails, we need to go to Montreal tomorrow to speak with him..” Shane sucked in a breath. “Same thought. Coach Wiebe also stopped by while you were napping. I’m benched until further notice.”

“What the fuck?”

“Is fine. Coach was not upset.. the team isn’t upset,” Ilya said with a wave of his hand. “Remember, the Centaurs are very gay.”

Shane snorted and nodded, Ilya couldn’t deny the fact that the Ottawa Centaurs were a very open and kind team and with Troy Barrett having just come out it definitely enforced Ilya’s comment. “I guess I should be lucky I’m out for the season…”

“I feel like you will not avoid talking to your coach or team though,” Ilya warned. “So you should probably just do it tomorrow.”

“Mm. Or, I can avoid it until I give birth,” Shane countered as he picked his phone up. 

Shane: Ilya filled me in
Hayden: Fuck guys. I’m sorry…
Hayden: So uh
Shane: Hayden?
Hayden: You should probably swing by a practice soon. Team is kinda pissed. Theriault is FURIOUS. 

A groan escaped Shane as he sunk into his pillows. “Or. I’m going to have to go to their practice tomorrow and deal with it…” he grumbled. 

“Everything is going to be okay, moya lyubov,” Ilya reassured him as he ran a thumb over Shane’s cheek. “Might be rough, but it will be okay.”

“I fucking hope so…”

“I know so.”

****************

The anxiety Shane felt as he arrived at the Voyageurs practice facility rivaled some of his most important games, maybe even worse than that. He had almost wished he had taken Ilya up on the offer to come with, but he knew that would only make the situation worse, not better. 

Taking a deep breath he finally made his way inside. He briefly contemplated which he wanted to deal with first, but didn’t have much of an option as he heard a door slam open. 

“Hollander! Get your ass in here.”

Here we go. 

Walking into Coach Theriault’s office felt like Shane was going up against a one man firing squad. He couldn’t bring himself to sit so he awkwardly gripped the chair in front of Theriault’s desk as he looked anywhere but up. 

“It’s a joke. Right?”

Shane knew what the answer was supposed to be. But he also didn’t think he cared anymore. So he took a deep, steadying breath and locked eyes with his coach. “No,” he responded, hopefully braver than he felt. 

“How long?”

“Years.” Again he knew what he was supposed to say, and he wasn’t going for the bait. 

“You should be fucking lucky you’re on injury,” Theriault said, eyes looking over Shane. Shane’s heart jumped. He doesn't buy it. “I’m sure you heard Rozanov was benched, you would have been right there with him… Anyway, neither of you are to make any statements until it’s all sorted out.”

He absolutely doesn’t believe it. 

The way he said Ilya’s name like it was a slur, like how Crowell had said homosexual months before. His heart was pounding, blood rushing in his ears. He needed to get out of there. “I… uh. Yeah. I heard… and right, no statements..” he muttered as he backed up towards the door. 

Once in the hallway he glanced in the direction of the locker room. He didn’t want to see the team, if that last conversation was any indication. But he also knew he needed… what, he didn’t know. Maybe closure? He wasn’t stupid, he knew what this meant for his career. At least with the Voyageurs… even if he didn’t want to admit it. 

The usual rowdy chattiest was almost non-existent as he walked in, and died completely as his presence was acknowledged. Shane swallowed hard as his eyes scanned the room, the only friendly presence being Hayden. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” J.J. spat. 

Shane sucked in a breath. “Look. I’m sorry, I just felt it right to say this in person.” He watched eyebrows go up in question from a few players. “It’s just… it was fucked. The whole situation… then then injury…” He fought the urge to cradle his stomach as Alina kicked him hard in the ribs. 

“Right. The ‘injury,’” J.J. muttered, rolling his eyes. 

“…you think I’m faking it? What? To let fucking Ottawa have a chance?”

“You said it.”

It felt like the oxygen had been sucked out of the room, Shane’s mouth going completely dry. There was so much he wanted to say, wished he could say. But he couldn’t get the words out as he stood there.

“Woah, J.J.,” Hayden had put himself between the two. “That was a low fucking blow. We’ve known Shane for years. He’s our captain.” Shane thanked God for Hayden. “Like, fine yeah it’s gross and weird that it’s Rozanov–”

“Thanks, Hayden…”

“Sorry,” he muttered before turning back to the team. “But if you really think this is some shit he would do, then you’ve never thought much of him.. Or the three fucking Stanley Cups he helped us win.”

“Doesn’t mean it suddenly makes sense,” someone said, Shane couldn’t place who. His body felt like it was both on fire and freezing at the same time.

“Fine. You can all believe what you want,” Shane finally was able to manage out. “The facts are that Ilya and I are together, and have been for years. I never let it interfere with my game and never will. You all have my number if you need to contact me.”

**************

The car door slammed shut and enveloped Shane only in the low hum of the engine as Ilya looked over at him. They sat there unmoving for.. how long Ilya genuinely couldn’t figure out, before he took Shane’s left hand in his right and tried to not freak out at how quiet Shane was. He went to open his mouth, but Shane finally spoke.

“T-They.. Think this is a ploy to help the Centaurs win,” his voice was small, weak. “They don’t want us to make a statement or anything either..”

Ilya saw red, his eyes flicked up to narrow on the practice facility and Shane had to squeeze his hand to get him to focus. “I just want to talk,” came Ilya’s response, through gritted teeth. “They are not my team..”

“It’s.. not worth it. We need to get to the meeting with Crowell anyway…”

He blew out a breath and put the car into gear, because Shane was right. He was always right and Ilya hated it. They sat in relative silence as they made their way to the Montreal NHL building, aside from the occasional sniffle or groan out of Shane and Ilya could only feel his anger rise further. “You are a free agent now,” he said suddenly. “The Voyageurs are nothing. They do not deserve you.” His tone was serious.

“And what? Sign with Ottawa?”

Ilya’s silence said enough as he simply chanced a glance before returning his focus to the road ahead of them. “They couldn’t possibly afford me.. between you, Troy… Wyatt.. I mean, God don’t you have a few more that either got bumps or are expecting them soon…?”

“How much would it take?”

“I don’t know…” Shane’s brows furrowed in thought. “I just want to get paid what I’m worth, y’know?”

“Da, I get it,” Ilya said, tone a bit calmer. “Consider.. your fiancé has a very good contract though?”

Shane let out a weak snort of a laugh, his breath a bit shaky. “I guess I can contact Farah?” he wondered out loud. “Can’t do much until the season is officially over though, I don’t think…”

“Yes. Email Farah, it’s a good plan.” He looked up at the building as they parked and looked at Shane. “We’ll have a lot to tell her, probably…”

**************

It was taking everything in Ilya to not put Crowell’s head through his desk. His nails dug into his knees as this homophobic dinosaur went on his tirade about how Ilya and Shane’s actions looked to the world. How they affected the league. It was a fucking hug and kiss. It was the only thing Ilya could think as he raised an eyebrow. He looked at Shane, who had lost all color in his face, Ilya couldn’t even make out his freckles. It didn’t help the fury boiling inside of him.

“--So we need to get things back to normal as quickly as possible. We don’t want a media circus,” Crowell finally said, eyes locking with them.

“We don’t want that either,” Shane sounded braver than he looked.

“Then, we’re on the same page. The league has prepared a statement…”

Ilya quickly skimmed the paper Crowell thrusted at them. It was a fairly basic paragraph, highlighting their careers but saying the interaction that had been posted around social media had been a gag played by the pair because they had noticed the person that was taking their pictures. A simple, easy out. And Ilya held his breath knowing that Shane would probably entertain the idea. He wouldn’t have blamed him for it either. As much as he was sick of hiding, he was thinking of their daughter.

“But.. this isn’t true,” Shane blurted out when he had finished.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“It does. We’re going to be getting married this sum–”

“Not if you want to stay in this league, you won’t be.”

“You’d kick us out?” Ilya snarled at the same time as Shane let out, “We’ll sue you.”

Crowell took a step back at the reactions, clearly confused by the way they were pushing back. But he quickly fixed his expression as he leaned in. “You could.. but no team would ever want to take a chance on you again? No, we’ll release the statement. People will believe it because they want to. And you can continue this… thing in secret.”

Ilya took a few deep breaths as he tried to figure out the words he was going to say next, but Shane beat him to it.

“Fuck this. This is what’s going to happen. We’re getting married this summer, we’re going to come back next season and have all-star seasons again, and you’re going to eat your words.” Ilya could have kissed Shane right then and there, were he not so keyed up and pissed. 

“You’re going to destroy your legacies. Become jokes!”

“It’s a chance we’re willing to take. I choose him, let’s go Ilya.”

Crowell was screaming something at them that neither seemed to notice, or care, as they entered the elevator to leave. Shane grasped at his stomach, rubbing small circles over it as he tried to calm down. “Sorry I kind of steamro—”

Ilya crashed his mouth against Shane’s in a desperate kiss as he pushed him against the wall of the elevator. Panting softly as he pulled away he planted a soft kiss to Shane’s nose. “Is okay, very hot though,” he said with a grin.

“Shut up..”

“Is true..” he murmured. “Though.. Crowell is in for a surprise when we announce we’re having a baby…”

“Yeah well. We still have a month or so on that one..”

Ilya bit his lip, but let the comment drop as the elevator doors opened. “Come, let's go home and make some more queer hockey history…”

**************

Ilya cursed under his breath as he flipped a pancake, realizing he had let it go a bit too long. His mind was racing as he cooked the two of them dinner after making the drive back from Montreal. They had made their post with the statement Farah had prepared for them and Shane had opted to take a bath while Ilya cooked. He had been looking at his photo album, and the few pictures he had taken a few days ago.

It was a few different configurations of an infant sized Centaur’s jersey (Ilya’s, of course), a pair of crochet booties he had found that looked like little hockey skates and a puck that he had written April 2021 on. An absolutely adorable birth announcement. They hadn’t talked much about making one, if at all, before the birth… but now that their relationship was out there Ilya didn’t care anymore. 

He was happy. He could be open with how much he loved Shane and now he didn’t care if people knew they had a perfect little girl on the way. 

“Burning something??”

Shane’s voice took Ilya out of his head as he let out a nervous laugh as he piled the last of the pancakes on a plate as Shane came into the kitchen. “Ah. A lot on my mind… one got away from me…”

Placing the plate on the kitchen island Ilya felt like his breath had been taken away, which was insane. Shane was simply standing there in a baggy t-shirt and pajama pants, but his bump wasn’t hidden like it normally was. That was enough to give him the courage to be all in. Ilya walked over and wrapped his arms around Shane and kissed the top of his head. “Here… let me show you…” he murmured as he pulled away. 

Retrieving his phone he opened the photo gallery again, pulled up the announcement photos he had made and handed it to Shane. He hadn’t realized he was holding his breath until Shane’s eyes met his. There was a long moment of silence and Ilya was already making apologies and excuses in his head when a smile came to Shane’s face. 

“A Centaur’s jersey?”

“You don’t use social media. So this is going on my Instagram. I am a Centaur.”

Shane couldn’t argue that fact, so he just laughed as he handed the phone back to Ilya as he sat down and made a plate of food. “You should tell the team first,” he said softly. 

“I don’t know. Be kind of funny to see the team chat explode…”

“Menace.”

“Need to get it out now before Alina is here.”

*************

Bood: Are you kidding me?? Trying to one up Troy and Harris and you have to over do it?
Wyatt: I’m with Bood here. But congrats none the less.
Troy: Seriously. Not cool Roz!!
Luca: …but that’s so fucking cute. CONGRATS GUYS :)

Ilya did, in fact, find it funny how the team chat blew up once he had posted the announcement that they were expecting a few days later. Of course, they were going to let people assume it was through a surrogate (though they debated telling Centaurs the truth, considering Shane was going to try and move to the team once the season was over), but seeing the outpouring of love was heartwarming. He sent a heart emoji before putting his phone down, looking at Shane who was laying on the couch. 

“You okay, moya lyubov?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Shane said something under his breath that Ilya didn’t catch and then looked up at him. Ilya’s breath caught as he could tell it was a panic attack before Shane could even attempt to verbalize it. “Hey… hey sweetheart…” he murmured as he rounded the couch, lifted Shane’s legs and sat down. 

“Talk to me…” Ilya said softly as he gently rubbed Shane’s feet. 

Shane took a shaky breath as he idly rubbed his stomach. “It’s just. This is happening.”

They had penned down a date for the c-section just that morning, the doctor growing concerned that Alina was starting to reposition and she wanted to be ahead of any actual labor starting if they could help it. 

“Yes. It is,” Ilya responded. “Is scary. But you are brave…”

Shane huffed a laugh before wincing faintly. Before Ilya could even ask Shane waved a hand dismissively. “She keeps getting my ribs because of where she’s placed. Doesn’t feel great…”

“I’m sure…” he murmured. “I know is sooner than we thought but… I’m excited to meet her…”

“Me too…”

There were a few moments of comfortable silence as Ilya noticed Shane’s breathing return to normal, other than a few gasps he assumed were the cause of a squirming baby. “I hope she has your freckles,” Ilya admitted softly. He was delighted as Shane blushed. 

“Well, I hope she has your eyes,” Shane pointed out, equally happy as he got the same reaction out of his fiancé. “And your curls…”

“She is going to be perfect..”

“She really is..”

Ilya didn’t even realize he had fallen asleep until he felt Shane’s legs shifting atop of his. He let out a small groan as his eyes fluttered open, glancing over to Shane. The sleep fog immediately lifted as he noticed Shane’s face was contorted in pain and his heart began to race. “S-Shane..?” he  managed out, voice nearly caught in his throat.

“I-I’m.. okay..”

 “Hollander…”

Shane let out a shaky sigh before taking a few deep breaths as he relaxed. “Okay.. I don’t know,” he admitted. “I think… I think I’m having contractions..” He watched the color drain from Ilya’s face as he gripped the arm of the couch. “Like I said.. I don’t know.. I want to wait about ten or so minutes before we start freaking out. I’ve had two since you fell asleep…”

Ilya scrubbed his face and ran his hands through his hair as he tried to keep his panic in control. He couldn’t freak Shane out, Shane needed comfort and stability. He didn’t need Ilya freaking out. But despite his best efforts it must have been clearly written on his face as he felt an arm on his shoulder.

“Ilya. It’s okay,” Shane said softly.

“We were supposed to outsmart her..” Ilya’s voice got caught in his throat. “She is impatient. Like you.”

Shane let out a laugh as he idly scrolled on his phone. “Fuck you,” he murmured. “I already sent a text to Mom and Dad, Mom told me to wait a little longer.. Which was why I was trying not to wake you up..”

The release of tension was obvious. Ilya trusted Yuna completely, so he knew Shane was okay. However, it didn’t stop him from realizing they were likely a few short hours away from being parents. So he idly flipped through channels, not absorbing anything as he watched the clock tick the minutes away. 

Ten minutes passed as they sat in relative silence, then fifteen. Ilya’s stomach settled some, wondering if it was the same thing that had happened when they found out Shane was pregnant. But then as it hit twenty minutes Ilya heard Shane suck in a breath as one hand rested on his stomach and the other gently rubbed his back. 

“How..” Ilya swallowed hard. “How long before we make calls?”

“Uh.. about.. a minute..” Shane managed through gritted teeth. 

Nodding stiffly, Ilya gently lifted Shane’s legs and stood, going to where his phone had been abandoned on the table. His fingers flew across the screen as he let the team chat know he was going to be missing practice the following day before muting the chat and going to his text thread with Yuna.

Ilya: He’s having another one. Help.

The three dots appeared immediately.

Yuna: Oh honey, he tried so hard to not wake you. It’s okay. It’s very early labor, nothing bad is going to happen. Call the after hours number for the doctor and let them know how many, how long, and how long in between the contractions are. Let us know when you’re on the way to the hospital.
Yuna: Ilya, honey. I promise. He’s going to be okay. Alina is going to be okay. You are going to do great
Ilya: Okay.. I love you

Gently gripping his phone he went back to Shane’s side, gently rubbing his shoulders as he bent down and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Did it stop?”

“Mm..”

“Okay. Do you want me to call the doctor or you?”

“Can you?” Shane asked softly. “So I can.. I guess get a bag together?”

He simply nodded and dialed the number and walked into the kitchen as Shane rose from the couch. This last contraction had been a little stronger, so it took him a moment to get over the wave of pain from having been on the couch. He took a breath and made his way into the bedroom and quickly found a small carry-on bag and went to the dresser and began to shove some basic clothing essentials into it. He couldn’t fathom why they hadn’t had a go bag ready, other than this was “planned.” He was supposed to show up at the hospital in about two weeks for this, labor wasn’t supposed to start on its own.

“You’re Papa’s daughter. A menace..” Shane muttered as he now threw some of the baby clothing they had recently gotten into the bag as well. A groan escaped him as a mild contraction ripped through him, almost as though Alina had been offended by his comment. He couldn’t help but laugh as he managed his way back into the living room.

“Okay. We can head to the hospital. I already texted Yuna and David,” Ilya said with a nod, his hands fidgeting with his keys.

“Ilya. Take a deep breath,” Shane said, taking one as well. “Let’s go meet our daughter, okay?”

*************

The hospital room was frigid, like most hospitals, but Ilya felt like he was on fire as he paced the small room, stealing occasional glances at Shane in bed… hooked up to so many monitors and IVs. He hated this. It drove him crazy to see Shane like this, it dug up so many bad memories and feelings. 

He was mad that he wasn’t just whisked away to the operating room when they got there. Freaking out that Yuna and David hadn’t arrived yet. He had barely noticed when Shane spoke. 

“You’re freaking out. Isn’t that my job in this relationship?”

Ilya couldn’t help but laugh, the sound wet with the tears he had been holding back. He made his way back to the chair next to the bed and took Shane’s hand gingerly. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Is a lot. I am trying…”

Shane lifted his hand up to bring Ilya’s to his mouth and pressed his lips to the knuckles. It made him feel all gooey to see Ilya breaking like this, and Shane surprisingly calm. Considering he was the one physically going through this. 

“You are… and I’m so proud of you,” Shane said, wincing as a contraction gripped him. They were coming faster and harder and he had to admit he was starting to wonder when they would take him back. 

Tapping his foot, Ilya glanced at the call button and Shane quickly grabbed it. “Ilya…”

He grumbled as he stood and began to pace again, tensing as the door to the room opened. He relaxed a fraction as Yuna and David entered and Ilya immediately ran into Yuna’s arms. “They are taking forever and he is frustratingly calm!”

David snorted from his position next to Shane. “He knows when he needs to be,” he admitted as he placed a hand on Shane’s shoulder. 

Yuna ran her hands through Ilya’s hair as she let out her own laugh and nodded. “They are probably just getting everything together, remember this isn’t a typical c-section…”

“That is why they should have been ready!” Ilya whined as he sat on the small couch in the room and buried his head in his hands. He looked up and looked from Yuna, to David and then to Shane, his eyes softening a bit. “I’m sorry, I just—“

He wasn’t able to finish the statement as a couple of knocks sounded on the door and it swung open. Ilya immediately shot up as someone in scrubs walked in with a bright smile. “Hey there, I’m from transportation!” she said cheerfully as she walked over to Shane and began to move IVs and monitors and scan his bracelet. “Ready to get this show on the road?”

***************

Shane had tried to give Ilya the out of being in the operating room, he knew it was going to be a lot emotionally, but he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t happy when Ilya gave him a look of utter confusion. Like Ilya hadn’t even considered that to be an option. His spirits had lifted considerably once they came to get Shane and was giddy as he suited up to be in the operating room.

Taking his seat at the head of the bed, Ilya gently rubbed his thumb over Shane’s cheek, unable to lose the grin on his face. “She’s almost here,” he said with awe.

Shane huffed a weak laugh, the anxiety and fear now settling in as he was being prepped. The epidural he had been given had finally kicked in and he had no feeling below the waist and he truly just wanted this over.

”Okay, Shane,” the doctor’s voice came from behind the curtain blocking their line of sight. “If you feel anything that isn’t tugging or pressure you need to let us know right away. Okay?”

”Uh.. yeah,” he muttered. He didn’t like the sound of that.

He was at least thankful that concern was unfounded, but he most certainly wasn’t a fan of the tugging sensation as they got underway.

His inner thoughts were finally broken as he heard a soft sob escape Ilya and the sounds of crying filling the room. Shane’s eyes teared up as he laughed. “She sounds like you,” he teased.

”No. Crying is a you thing,” Ilya retorted as he stood to get a better look at Alina. He swallowed hard as the nurses beckoned him over as they did their quick after birth tests and swaddled her tight.

”You are so tiny… my sunshine..” Ilya managed out in Russian. He caught that she was just under six pounds, though long for the weight. She had a thick mess of light brown hair, and once swaddled and her eyes opened Ilya melted at the icy blue eyes she had. “Ah, you are so perfect…”  

His heart raced as one of the nurses held her out to him, and he swallowed hard. The nurse laughed softly as another helped Ilya adjust his arms. “Don’t worry,” he said as he placed Alina into his arms. “It kind of becomes second nature. Now go let her Daddy see her..”

It felt like holding a live grenade. Ilya’s heart hammered in his ears as he very slowly walked over so Shane could see their daughter. “Look at her,” Ilya murmured. “She is amazing..”

”Oh my God Ilya..” Shane gasped as he looked at the tiny face. “I think she’s gonna have your eyes..”

”Mm, she has your cute nose…”

Ilya had lost track of the time as he stood there and the pair looked over Alina, blinking a bit as a gentle hand rested on his shoulder. “Okay, we need to take Alina to get all her “big” tests and they’re gonna close up with Shane. Do you wanna stay or go?”

Ilya swallowed and looked to Shane, and was about to open his mouth when Shane answered for him. “Stay with Alina, please?” He said softly. “I’ll be fine. But she should have someone be with her..”

There was no arguing that as Ilya handed Alina off to the nurse and then he leaned down to kiss Shane on the forehead. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

*****************

It was about half an hour before Shane was brought back to his room. He was sleepy, and thankfully not in much pain, but he found his heart flipping as he set his eyes on Ilya as he lounged on the couch shirtless with Alina on his chest and covered with a blanket, singing softly in Russian.

”Look Alina, Daddy is back..” he whispered to the infant. They all only had one conversation about it, but Ilya felt it right that he would speak to Alina in Russian and Shane would do so in French, and if it was the two of them they would use English. “You okay?” He asked once they were alone.

”Epidural hasn’t worn off yet, so yes,” Shane said with a laugh. “Where’s Mom and Dad?”

”Went to go get some food. They got to see Alina first though.”

”Okay, good. How has she been?”

”An angel,” Ilya said as he slowly rose from the couch. “Come on solnyshko, time to see Daddy..” He smiled down at Shane as he held out his arms for Alina. “Ah, here.. take the gown down a little.. I read skin to skin is best for bonding..”

Shane rolled his eyes and gingerly uncovered his chest before Ilya laid her down and covered her back up. “Like she hasn’t been bonding with me for nearly nine months..”

”Hush, Hollander. Enjoy baby snuggles..”

And that he did. He pressed his lips gently to the top of her head and rubbed gentle circles on her back as he looked up at Ilya. “She’s so tiny,” he said with awe.

”She is… she will probably stay that way,” Ilya said with a matter of fact tone. “You, considering you are her dad.” He then bit his lip to fight the laugh bubbling in him at the look that Shane shot him. “I am tall though, so maybe it will balance..”

”Asshole.”

”Shane!” Ilya hissed in a whisper.

“She’ll learn worse soon enough.”

**************

July, 2021

“God, I didn't realize we knew so many people,” Shane muttered as fought a small, yet strong, four month old Alina. “Hey. Come on, let me get your dress on…” he then said in French as she whined softly. 

Ilya leaned against the door frame and smiled softly at the sight. “Yeah well, the Centaurs love us so…” he pointed out as he crossed the distance to rub the top of Alina’s light brown waves and she instantly calmed. 

Shane frowned as he finished getting her dress on and then lifting her to rest on his hip. “Sure. You’ll be calm for Papa…” he grumbled. “Mom’s gonna be pissed if she catches you in here, by the way.”

“Ah yes. Like we didn’t wake up this morning and spend it with our daughter,” Ilya said flatly. 

“You just know how she is,” Shane pointed out as he handed Alina to Ilya. He melted as he watched Ilya’s face light up as he spoke to her in Russian. “Come on. Let’s go get married.”

In reality they had been married on paper for three months now, once Shane had recovered from giving birth. They felt it smarter and easier to handle anything legal with Alina that way. But they still had planned to mark July as when they got married, at the point of their relationship they were in details like that didn’t mean much. 

It was a fairly short ceremony, both Shane and Ilya deciding that was for the best so they could both give Alina their attention if she so needed it, and nobody really cared or complained. At least until they were given permission to kiss. Ilya grinned brightly and tipped Shane back and kissed him sweetly, but with just the right amount of filth that he could hear his teammates groaning. 

“Jesus Christ Roz, there’s kids here. Your own included!” Bood called out. 

“This is not the worst kiss we have done in public,” Ilya said as he pulled away. “Besides, Lina knows how much her dads love each other. As she should.”

Shane groaned softly as he wrapped his arm around Ilya’s waist as he watched him argue with his, but also now Shane’s, teammates. He could have never imagined a year ago he would be getting married, with a child (one he gave birth to, no less), and on a brand new and loving team. 

It had been a good year, with many more to come.