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"The nurse will be along in a bit to start prepping you okay?"
Aaron thanked the doctor as he left and turned back to Robert; squeezing his hand gently,
"Okay?"
Robert pushed his head back into the pillow slightly as he tried to calm his breathing,
"Rob?"
Robert shook his head,
"I can't do it."
Aaron frowned,
"What?"
Robert looked at him; his eyes wide with panic and his skin paler than usual,
"I can't do it. I can't go through this again."
Aaron moved closer to the bed; holding his hand with one hand and rubbing his thin arm with the other,
"Hey...it's gonna be okay."
"You don't know that Aaron. What if it doesn't work? I can't do chemo again. I can't."
Aaron clenched his jaw as he watched the first tear slip down Robert's cheek. He wiped it away and cupped his face; the tube running into his nose catching his thumb as he stroked the man's skin,
"You listen to me. You're not gonna have to do chemo again."
Robert closed his eyes; his chin wobbling as he started to cry,
"You heard him Aaron. There's only sixty percent chance it's gonna work."
Aaron looked down at their hands; his own looking strange compared to Robert's pale one. The bruise from the IV looked almost black against the white of his skin.
"Sixty percent chance is good."
Robert shook his head slightly,
"Aaron-"
"No."
Aaron sniffed; ignoring the tears that ran down his own cheeks,
"You are not giving up, do you hear me? You're not."
Robert flicked his tongue out to wet his lips,
"I can't do it Aaron."
Aaron moved closer still and sniffed; taking his hand from the man's face and lifting his hand to kiss it gently,
"Do you remember...years ago, when all the stuff about Gordon came out? Do you remember sitting with me in the yard and what you told me?"
Robert frowned and Aaron swallowed before meeting his eye,
"You sat next to me and you told me that I wasn't a pathetic victim. And that I was the strongest person you knew. Do you remember?"
Robert watched him for a moment and nodded. Aaron smiled gently and pressed his hand gently against his face again,
"Well I'm saying it to you now. Robert Sugden you are the strongest person I know. And this? This....is nothing. This is not how your story ends do you understand me? 'Cos you and me...we're gonna grow old together right? We-we're gonna be the old men still arguing in the cafe and running the pub."
Robert let out a laugh and sniffed hard as more tears came,
"Two old codgers making trouble for everyone."
Aaron grinned,
"Yeah. Head of the family."
Robert crumbled again; wiping his eyes and huffing out a breath,
"Aaron..."
Aaron shook his head,
"You're not leaving me. You're gonna come out of this operation and they're gonna tell you that you can go home and you can be Robert again."
Robert watched him for a moment,
"What if it doesn't work?"
Aaron bit his lip and shrugged,
"Then we keep fighting."
"I'm tired of fighting, Aaron. I've been fighting for so long now."
Aaron clenched his jaw again,
"Robert Sugden isn't afraid of a few abnormal cells."
Robert closed his eyes and leant into Aaron's touch,
"Robert Sugden isn't as strong as you're making out."
Aaron kissed his hand,
"A bullet couldn't stop you."
Aaron stroked his cheek again,
"You telling me this will?"
Robert didn't answer,
"Hey?"
He opened his eyes slowly and Aaron smiled,
"Remember that weekend when you told me you'd never seen Toy Story? And we sat and watched them all and then you said the most ridiculously romantic thing?"
Robert smiled,
"You and me...Spaceman and Cowboy. Together forever."
Aaron grinned,
"To infinity and beyond."
He stroked Robert's cheek,
"That's what we are."
Robert's chin wobbled,
"I'm scared."
Aaron climbed onto the bed and held the man's frail body to his own; he pressed a kiss to his head,
"I know you are. I know you are....but you gotta be brave yeah? You gotta just fight a little bit more."
Robert wrapped his arms around him and pushed his face into Aaron's chest as he sobbed.
"I'm not gonna let anything happen to you."
Aaron rubbed his back slowly and squeezed his own eyes shut as his emotions took over.
Aaron watched as the nurse prepped Robert for surgery; they'd been through it so many times he could do it himself. Almost a year spent in and out of hospital; operations and scans then the chemo, a living hell. He watched the man and smiled at him; his fingers playing with the beanie that the nurse had removed from Robert's head. His once thick, blonde hair now gone. Aaron had shaved his head himself when the hair started falling out. He'd told Robert it made him look badass, made him even more beautiful than he already was. Robert had laughed, but he'd found him later that night crying in front of the mirror. The hats came out shortly after. The nurse squeezed Robert's shoulder as she finished and left them alone,
"What you thinking about?"
Robert looked at him,
"Steak."
Aaron grinned,
"Steak?"
Robert reached out for his hand,
"When I'm out of here. That's what I wanna do. You and me...steak dinner. Whatya say?"
Aaron smiled and leant in to kiss him,
"I say it's perfect."
He kissed him quickly and sat back; their fingers entwined,
"What are you thinking about?"
Aaron smiled at him,
"You. Always you."
Robert rubbed Aaron's thumb with his own,
"It's all about me eh?"
Aaron chuckled,
"Yeah. Selfish bastard."
Robert laughed and shifted on the bed,
"Always wanna be centre of attention eh?"
Aaron smirked,
"Starting to think all this is an act so you can have all my attention."
Robert raised his eyebrows,
"Oh yeah that's what it is. Gave myself the cancer to keep you all to myself."
Aaron shrugged,
"That's what I figured."
Robert smiled gently,
"What else you thinking about?"
Aaron smiled at him,
"Getting you home."
Robert nodded,
"Can't wait."
Aaron kissed him again gently,
"You're gonna be okay. You gotta believe that."
Robert nodded,
"I'm trying."
Aaron kissed his forehead,
"That's my boy."
Robert smiled gently and sighed,
"Will you stay here or go home?"
Aaron frowned,
"I'm not leaving you here. Besides Diane and Vic'll be here in a bit."
Robert nodded and shifted slightly,
"You okay?"
Robert nodded,
"Nervous."
Aaron squeezed his hand,
"Be a bit weird if you weren't."
Robert let out a long breath and swallowed,
"Aaron?"
He looked at him,
"If I don't make it out of this-"
"No, okay? We're not doing this."
Robert lifted his hand,
"Please...I need to say it okay? Just let me say it."
Aaron sighed and Robert swallowed again,
"If I don't make it through this...I just need you to know how...much I love you."
Aaron glanced down; blinking back tears,
"I need you to hear how much you've made my life...the best life I could've had."
He squeezed Aaron's hand,
"How I have woken up so happy these last five years."
Aaron looked at him,
"Rob..."
"You're the love of my life Aaron and you...I love you so much."
Aaron nodded; tears dripping down his cheeks,
"I love you too."
Robert nodded and exhaled sharply as his own eyes burned,
"I've written you a letter...Vic and Diane too...and Andy. There's one in there for him. They're in the safe at home."
Aaron looked away,
"Please stop, Rob."
Robert let out a shuddering breath and then cleared his throat,
"If I don't wake up-"
"Robert."
"Listen to me."
Aaron looked at him,
"If I don't wake up...promise me you'll be okay. Promise me you won't do anything stupid and blame yourself. Because it's not your fault. And don't...don't just lock yourself away okay? You have everyone. You have everyone. Let them in."
Aaron held his hands and nodded,
"Promise me, Aaron."
Aaron let out a long breath,
"I promise."
He met his eye,
"I promise."
Aaron surged forward and wrapped his arms around Robert's neck,
"You're not leaving me. Do you hear me?"
Robert gripped him,
"I hear you."
The room was silent without him. Victoria and Diane had been there for a while but had retreated to the canteen to wait. Aaron didn't want to go. He wanted to stay in the room. Aaron paced back and forth for a few minutes before rubbing his face and collapsing back into the chair. He knew the hospital back to front; he had more memories in the place over the last year than anywhere else. He still remembered the day after his first surgery; the day the doctor looked at them sadly and told them it was bad news. He'd nodded and immediately started asking the doctor everything he could think of. He needed all the information he could gather, he needed to know what would happen. Robert didn't speak. He just fell silent until they were alone and then started on about wills and insurance, making sure that Aaron was taken care of and that the business was sorted out. Aaron had to shout to get him to listen only to have Robert tell him that he needed to do this. That he needed to tie up loose ends before he died. Aaron screamed at him to shut up only to make Robert break down; he held him as the sobbed wracked through him, he stroked his hair and kissed him as he promised he wouldn't leave, that they would never be apart. By the time he made it home he was exhausted. He sat in the car outside the pub and gripped the wheel; taking deep breaths as he tried to steady himself. Failing; he burst into tears, pounding his fists against the wheel as he screamed; cursing until his voice was gone and all that remained was retching sobs. It took him nearly an hour to calm down. He wiped his face and took a deep breath before heading inside. He walked into the back and came face to face with Robert's hoodie; slung over the bannister where Aaron had left it when they went over for dinner a few nights before. He picked it up and brought it to his nose; breathing in Robert's familiar smell made his breath catch and he fell against the wall before sliding down, pulling his knees to his chest he began to sob again. The living door had opened and suddenly Chas was before him,
"Aaron? Aaron what's happened?"
She was holding his hands and brushing his tears away as he gasped,
"It's Robert."
Chas lifted his head,
"What's happened?"
Aaron sniffed hard and looked at her,
"He's gonna die."
Aaron's phone vibrated and he started; coming out of his memories he rubbed his eyes and looked at the time before picking the phone up; a text from his mum,
"How is he?"
Aaron stared at the phone then back at the clock, he'd been gone for four hours. He stood up and started pacing again. His mind wandering back over the last year, he hated this part; the waiting, the silence that lead to worst case scenarios running through his head. Every time someone came in he thought it was to tell him they'd lost him. He stretched and reached for Robert's bag; fishing through it to try and find his iPod. He sat back down and put the buds in his ears as he pressed play. He sat back and closed his eyes; focusing on the music as he tried to stay calm.
Robert blinked his eyes open slowly and tried to focus. The sight of the tubes and machines attached to him were a shock and he closed his eyes again before opening them slowly. He looked over and saw Aaron in the chair beside the bed; reading his phone. Robert swallowed and croaked out his words,
"Hey cowboy."
Aaron looked up and dropped the phone as he leaned over to take his hand,
"Hey space man."
Robert smiled and closed his eyes,
"Mm it's space ranger actually."
Aaron laughed and pressed a kiss to Robert's hand,
"How you feeling?"
Robert opened his eyes again,
"Like someone removed a large part of my intestine."
Aaron stroked his cheek,
"Funny, that.."
Robert smiled slightly,
"Where's Vic? Diane?"
Aaron stroked his cheek,
"Diane went to get you some magazines and Vic's just at the vending machine. You took your sweet time waking up."
Robert nodded as his eyes started to close again.
"I'm part robot."
Aaron grinned,
"They'll take them away soon. It's not forever."
Aaron glanced round and spotted the water jug,
"You want a drink?"
"Mmm whiskey?"
Aaron smiled,
"Start with the water yeah?"
Robert smiled gently and opened his eyes as Aaron reached for the cup and put the straw to his lips,
"That's it, slow sips...there's my boy."
Robert settled his head back into the pillows,
"M'tired."
Aaron took his hand and kissed it,
"Have a sleep. We're not going anywhere."
"Love 'oo."
Aaron grinned and kissed his head gently,
"Love you too."
He sat back and stroked Robert's hand as the man fell back to sleep. Victoria came in a few minutes later and sat the other side, and they waited.
"Sure you don't want some juice?"
Robert looked over at Victoria,
"I'm fine. Stop fussing."
Victoria leant over and pulled the beanie hat over Robert's eyes,
"Hey. Sick man remember?"
He pushed the hat back up and looked at the machines still attached to him; his eyes following the tubes that went from his abdomen and down the bed,
"Okay?"
Robert nodded and sighed,
"This doctor ever gonna show up?"
Aaron rolled his eyes,
"Give him a chance. You're not the only patient."
Robert huffed and looked over at Diane,
"How did you deal with all this?"
Diane shrugged,
"You just do, love. You've been a year, you can wait an hour."
Robert shifted again,
"Fine."
Aaron rubbed his arm gently,
"Can I get you anything?"
Robert looked over,
"I wanna go home."
"I know you do...I do too."
Robert huffed again,
"Someone talk about something else. Anything."
Victoria met Aaron's eye and pulled a face; making him smirk as Diane started telling Robert about the new greenhouse that Doug was building. Aaron watched Robert; squeezing his hand tightly as he tried to focus on Diane's words.
They were left alone for a moment when Victoria and Diane left to get some food for them. Aaron reached up to stroke Robert's cheek,
"Hey?"
Robert looked at him,
"Talk to me?"
Robert swallowed and leant into the touch,
"I'm scared. Aaron."
Aaron nodded,
"I know."
Robert looked at him,
"What if he says it didn't work?"
"Shh shh shh...don't think like that."
Robert let out a long breath,
"That's why he's taking so long. Isn't it? Because it didn't work. Because I'm dying."
Aaron shook his head,
"They're busy. That's all."
"Busy getting my body bag ready."
"Robert."
He smiled gently,
"Sorry."
Aaron looked at the time,
"It's still early."
Robert nodded and let out a long breath,
"Thank you for being here."
Aaron frowned,
"Where else would I be?"
"I mean-"
"I know."
Robert nodded and squeezed his hand,
"Tell me something else. Talk about something else."
Aaron smiled and kissed his hand as he started to talk.
"This doctor is taking a year."
Aaron glanced up at Diane,
"There's a backlog today. The nurse said when she checked on him."
He looked back at Robert; stroking his cheek gently as he slept,
"He's got some colour back hasn't he?"
Diane smiled at him and held Robert's hand,
"This surgery has done him well. You'll see."
Aaron smiled and moved his hand to Robert's shoulder,
"Diane...what...what if he doesn't-"
"Don't talk like that Aaron. He's gonna be fine. He's tough."
Aaron let out a long breath and nodded,
"Bullet couldn't stop him."
Diane smiled,
"He's lucky to have you."
Aaron shook his head,
"He ain't the lucky one. I am...having someone strong, love me like that."
Diane watched him for a moment and reached across Robert to touch his hand,
"He's strong because of you."
Aaron sniffed and wiped his eyes,
"I'm scared. I can't do this without him. I can't be without him."
Diane got up; moving around quickly and holding Aaron to her; he wrapped his arms around her middle and let out a shuddering breath,
"You're okay love...you're okay. You're not losing anyone."
Aaron nodded tightly and shut his eyes for a moment before pulling away,
"Thanks."
He wiped his eyes and looked back at Robert,
"He's gonna be okay."
Diane rubbed his back,
"He is."
Aaron smiled at the doctor as he walked in. The man picked up the chart from the bottom of the bed, and inspected one of the machines before looking up at Robert,
"Has he been asleep long? Only I'd like a chat."
Aaron reached over and cupped Robert's face with one hand as the other stroked his hand,
"Robert? Time to wake up...Rob?"
Robert blinked his eyes open slowly and smiled at Aaron,
"Beautiful."
Aaron grinned,
"Hey...the doctors here."
Robert blinked a few times to try and wake up and looked over,
"Hi doc."
The doctor smiled at him,
"Mr Sugden. I'm sorry I couldn't get in sooner. How are you feeling?"
Robert smirked,
"Fit as a fiddle."
The doctor nodded,
"Always good to hear. How's the pain?"
Robert smirked,
"Morphine is a wonderful thing."
The doctor laughed and consulted his chart,
"Now, we had to remove a little more than we first expected; the tumours were a bit more extensive than we first thought. There were no secondaries as far as we could tell but it did mean removing a substantial amount."
"So what does that mean?"
The doctor glanced at Aaron then back to Robert,
"It means you'll be in a bit longer than originally planned I'm afraid. Fortunately we were able to reattach the colon so you've avoided having the bag. And these rather fetching machines you're attached to will be removed soon, possibly tomorrow."
Aaron squeezed Robert's hand,
"How long until we know if it worked?"
The doctor put the chart back down,
"Well as of this moment I'm quietly optimistic. We'll let you recover for a few days and then you can have the scan which will tell us for definite. The tumours were removed though, that's good."
Robert nodded and the doctor smiled,
"Relax Mr Sugden; you've done the hardest part."
Aaron smiled quickly at the doctor as he left then turned to Robert,
"See? It's good news."
Robert looked at him and nodded,
"Just have to wait for the scan now eh?"
Aaron leant over and kissed him gently,
"You'll be fine."
"Promise?"
Aaron smiled and pressed their foreheads together,
"Promise."
He stroked Robert's cheek gently and smiled,
"You did it."
Robert watched as Aaron slept in the chair beside him. Three days had passed and he hadn't left his side bar getting food and using the bathroom. He watched the man and shifted on the bed,
"I can feel you."
Robert smirked,
"Feel what?"
Aaron opened one eye and looked at him,
"Feel you staring."
"I'm not staring."
Aaron yawned and sat up properly,
"You okay?"
Robert nodded and smiled,
"I'm just counting my blessings."
Aaron grinned,
"Yeah?"
Robert took his hand,
"Yup. Counted 156 so far."
Aaron chuckled,
"Anything good?"
Robert shrugged,
"Mostly you."
Aaron rolled his eyes,
"You're so cheesy."
Robert smiled and pulled him in,
"You know what? I bloody love you. Aaron Dingle."
"I love you too Robert Sugden."
Robert smiled, pulling Aaron close to press their heads together,
"Aaron..."
"Yeah?"
Robert pushed him back gently and sat up with a wince,
"Careful."
Robert breathed out a laugh and adjusted his oxygen as he got comfortable,
"Can you do something for me?"
Aaron sat closer,
"Course I can. Anything."
Robert nodded,
"Whatever happens tomorrow? Whatever the result...when we get home..."
He met Aaron's eye,
"Will you marry me?"
Aaron sat up,
"You what?"
Robert swallowed,
"W-will you marry me?"
Aaron's face slowly changed as he broke into a grin,
"Really?"
Robert chewed his lip and Aaron moved to sit on the bed and cup his face,
"In a heartbeat."
Roberts body flooded with relief,
"Yeah?"
Aaron nodded,
"Of course. Of course I'll marry you, God I love you."
He kissed him again; Robert gripping his shirt and smiling as his eyes burned with tears. Aaron hugged him for a long minute before pulling back and letting out a laugh as he wiped Robert's tears away,
"What you crying for?"
Robert looked up and sniffed,
"I don't know."
He laughed and looked at Aaron,
"I don't know."
Aaron pulled him in again,
"To infinity and beyond eh?"
Robert laughed and wiped his eyes before looking at Aaron,
"Thank you...for loving me."
Aaron stroked his cheek,
"No problem."
Robert let out a breath,
"Sorry it wasn't the proposal you deserve."
Aaron shrugged,
"You kidding me? You in bed and me sleep deprived? It's my dream proposal. I just wish you were still in that sexy little backless number they gave you when you first came in."
Robert laughed,
"Well we still have the wedding to plan there's nothing to say I won't wear it then."
Aaron clutched his chest and looked at the ceiling,
"Be still my heart."
Robert pushed his arm and laughed,
"We'll get you a ring too."
"We'll get it together. Soon as you're out, yeah?"
He kissed Robert's head gently and sat back on the chair,
"Right. Sleep."
"Can't..."
Aaron squeezed his hand,
"Big day tom-actually in about six hours."
Robert looked at the clock and nodded before falling silent,
"Hey?"
He looked at Aaron, who raised his eyebrows,
"Talk to me."
Robert settled back down in the bed and sighed,
"Just nervous."
Aaron squeezed his hand again,
"It's all gonna be fine."
He looked at Robert,
"I promise."
Robert nodded tightly and put his head back on the pillow. Aaron kissed his hand and sat back, watching him fall back to sleep with a smile.
"Aaron, pet, you’re gonna wear a hole in the floor if you keep this up."
Aaron slowed to a stop and put his hands on his hips,
"Why is it taking so long? He should be back by now."
Victoria turned the page of the magazine and looked up,
"It's a scan, Aaron. He's fine."
Aaron nodded and shifted on his feet,
"Aaron. Sit down."
Aaron looked at Diane and she sighed,
"Or keep walking. Go on."
Aaron turned and started pacing again until the door opened and Robert was wheeled in by the nurse,
"How'd it go?"
She helped him back into bed and Robert thanked her as she left,
"It was...claustrophobic. But fine."
He looked at Victoria and Diane,
"Thanks for waiting."
Diane took his hand,
"No problem. What now?"
Robert sighed,
"Now we wait."
Victoria stepped over to him and put his hat on his head,
"Cheers."
"You know Brenda offered to knit you a new one?"
Robert frowned,
"Sounds horrific."
Aaron pushed his arm,
"Be nice."
Robert looked at him and grinned before turning back to the others,
"Better do as he says. Otherwise the marriage'll be hard eh?"
Diane grinned,
"You two'll do fine."
She glanced at Aaron then back at Robert,
"So long as you do as he says."
Robert laughed and settled back into the pillows,
"Right. Distraction. Talk amongst yourselves."
Aaron touched his arm,
"You okay?"
"Mmhmm...Just tired."
Aaron rubbed his arm as Robert closed his eyes and then sat back as Diane and Victoria began to talk.
Aaron turned the cards over and laughed,
"Won again."
Robert dropped his cards onto the table,
"Obviously cheated."
Aaron grinned and scooped the cards up, shuffling them and looking at Victoria who was reading a magazine then at Diane who was texting Doug,
"What do you say ladies? Wanna help me beat him again?"
Diane laughed,
"We'll let you carry on. Don't think he'll be able to cope with three of us."
Aaron shuffled the cards and looked at Robert as he stared at him,
"Alright?"
Robert nodded,
"Perfect."
Aaron tapped the cards against the table and cleared his throat,
"Right-"
The door opened and the doctor walked in, everyone stopped and sat up,
"Afternoon."
Robert swallowed,
"Doc. What's the word?"
Everyone moved closer to Robert, Aaron grabbed his hand and squeezed it as the doctor opened his file,
"Well Mr Sugden."
He looked at him and smiled,
"I have very good news."