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Un millón de primaveras

Summary:

Merlin visited the lake like he always do. Talks to it as if talking to Arthur.

Notes:

It's based off a mexican song called Un millón de primaveras written by Joan Sebastian
though I prefer the interpretation of Vicente Fernandez.

The song title means a million of springs. It talks about mourning someone who most likely wouldn't want you to see you like that but you still feel the need to stay where you are in their honor.

Joan Sebastian wrote it for his son who has murdered.So basically he is telling his son I will stop being sad about it in a million years, just that and I would forget it. It's a sad song and really beautiful. Totally worth listening.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Where once a great kingdom was, a lonely man in a hidden cottage wandered through the woods..He met the lake yearly and talked to it as if it were an old friend. Living in the shadows, being an old man of centuries would surely draw attention and he wanted none of that. He just yearned for his other half to return.

Even with his precautions, he was still a legend in the small towns nearby the woods where he lived for over six centuries now. When Arthur passed away, Merlin ran away. Pain followed him everywhere, turns out everywhere you go, you take yourself.  Saw empires being built and replaced in the blink of an eye. He went everywhere after his last loved ones died, the last person he saw die was Gwen. 

Never dared to enter Camelot again but when the Queen’s sickness word spread around the towns where he was at the time he paid her a visit. No one ever knew about it besides Gwen and him. There was no confirmation but Merlin knew at a glance that she understood about his secret and even then his friend there was no hint of resentment on her face. Just pure understanding and kindness. 

Merlin met with the lake yearly on Arthur's birthday, his death anniversary and Lancelot’s birthday. He would never say it out loud (not that there was anyone to ask him) but he chose those three dates because they are the only ones his heart can’t make peace with. 

This day was the death anniversary of Arthur. King Arthur. No one nowadays besides him knew this date because everyone was under the impression that their legacy was just a myth. 

“You know, I was wondering what will happen when you return,” Merlin said while setting his picnic. “Electricity was a shock for me and I saw it when it was invented. You wouldn’t believe me it’s not actually magic. No one believes in it anymore or practices, your father would love it here. Well, maybe not, because democracy exists” 

“I wonder if you are aware of the new laws that protect workers’ rights, you would hate it but I know you would make peace with it” Merlin sighed. “You were a just and noble man after all.” 

There was a silence, which Merlin hated. He did this every year to himself. Arthur wasn’t here. And even if he were, he could never answer. The loneliness won’t ever fade away until he returns. Arthur returning wasn’t about the golden age anymore. It was about him. 

It wasn’t fathomable to him the idea of having another half and living without it for an eternity. It seemed like a punishment. Maybe it was, he failed after all. 

“I miss you,” he said softly, letting his feet touch the water. A tear running down his cheek. “I know I say this every time I come here but I don’t think anything I could say is more true than that.” 

Silence reigned for a moment. Then Merlin broke sobbing. In a sudden outburst loud enough for anyone passing nearby to hear. Not quite a shout and not quite a whisper “Please, tell me he is really coming back, tell me I’m not waiting in vain” more like a prayer.  

“Emrys” a whisper almost inaudible but enough to startle him. 

“I’ve gotten mad, who would have thought that after a thousand and a half years. A matter of time really” he thought out loud.  

“You are not mad. It’s me. Kilgharrah”  the voice said, sounding a little exasperated. 

“That’s somehow worse” Merlin sighed “I haven’t heard from you since the Great War. I think”  

“Something burdens you, young warlock” the dragon’s voice pointed out “I can feel it”

Merlin rolled his eyes even though the dragon couldn’t actually see him “Of course you do. Yes, something burdens me since the last fifteen hundred years” 

“Patience has never been a virtue you possess,” he replied. “But worry not, the time you await draws closer than you think.”

Merlin groaned “What does that even mean?” and received no reply. 

“Great. Really Great.” Merlin grumbled. “Can you believe that? The only days of the year I come back here with you and he ruins everything. Do you think all dragons were like that or the only obnoxious cryptic bastard among the dragons was the one that survived?”

“Bastard, really” Merlin said “I should’ve known since the start. I can’t believe I ever sought his so-called wisdom. He is so full of shit. I should’ve known.”  

“At least all that anger made me forget my sadness” Merlin sighed “You hated it when I rambled and babbled. I bet that if you could hear me now, you’d call me an idiot” he let out a scoff. 

Merlin ate in silence his picnic on the shore of the lake. He had been doing this since Arthur died. For the first hundreds of years he only stayed half an hour or less. Slowly turning them into whole afternoons and even nights. 

“This year I didn’t bring you a poem because I didn’t have much to say to you that I didn’t already” he spoke again towards the lake. “Sometimes I really hope you are not listening because if you are then it will be awfully embarrassing, I can already hear you saying ‘You are such a girl, Mer-lin’” he chuckled to that. 

“I made you a painting” Merlin took a roll of paper out of his bag. “Obviously I don’t know if you can see it but look” while pointing the painting to the lake. The paint was just a landscape of what Camelot used to be. 

“I wish I had the ability to paint your face before it became blurry in my head,” Merlin sighed. “You were the greatest of them all. My king. I never once lied to you, at least not about that. I hope when you return you can see how much I meant it” 

Merlin lay down on the shore of the lake, and soon sleep took him slowly. In a blank space, he was on a totally white screen. Not dead, he knew that. It wasn’t possible. 

“Merlin?” A voice said. 

He turned his head to see Arthur. The tears were unavoidable.

“This is a dream” Merlin said, shaking his head “You’re not here” 

“I’m here. I’ve been here” Arthur said “Don’t know how long. Sometimes your voice is here and I’m here but when you’re not. It’s like I was never even there.” 

Merlin stared at him perplexed. 

“How long have I been here, Merlin?” Arthur asked softly, taking a few steps closer to him. 

Merlin sobbed harder. “Fifteen hundreds years, every spring I come to the lake to be with you”  

“It’s not possible. I haven’t been gone that long” Arthur replied “You waited that long?” 

A small nod, Arthur ran to embrace Merlin. “I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have”  he held him tight. 

“I don’t want to wake up. This is a dream. When I wake up, you won’t be there. You never stay.” 

“I know” Arthur said quietly 

“My mind really likes to play tricks with me. I wish you were real” Merlin said while looking up to see Arthur face to face.  

“I am. I know you waited, I couldn’t feel it like you but I know you waited.” Arthur put their foreheads together. Tears running down his face too. 

“I kept telling myself it was only a little longer,” Merlin whispered. “A few more springs. A few more centuries. After that I’d stop coming.” 

He left out a broken laugh “I promised myself that I’d leave you alone eventually. A million springs and that was it. It was always an empty promise, every time I prepared gifts months earlier. Sometimes I wondered if being here every year was making your return slower. If this is not a trick of my own mind, I really hope this is a sign you are returning soon. I don’t care if ‘soon’ is in the next half century.” Arthur’s grip tightened, just slightly, like something remembering how to be real.

“I heard you, I didn’t feel time or space but I heard you” Arthur said softly “And yes, Mer-lin, you’re such a girl” making them both laugh between sobs. 

Merlin isn’t sure how the scene faded out of his sight but he woke up alone. He cried once again in silence, the dark sky above him and the lake was all he got beside him. Then a sound of water splashing startled him. He narrowed his eyes and frowned at the figure in the water. 

“Arthur” Merlin said softly “Arthur!” he smiled, jumping around. 

“Merlin” A smile mirroring the one Merlin had. They ran to each other and hugged once again. 

“You are here” he said “You are really here” he cradled Arthur’s face to confirm it. 

“I’m here” he replied softly “And I’m staying this time. I promise.” holding Merlin’s wrist and leaving a gentle kiss in his hand.  

“Wouldn’t  have it any other way” Merlin smiled, guiding Arthur out of the water. “I only have a sandwich to offer you but I promise when we get home, there will be better things.”  

“Told you, warlock” Merlin heard Kilgarrah but he was blissfully and too gone on happiness to care about it. 

It was the first day of eternity for them. 

Notes:

Attempt of angst (didn't achieve it) hi

I will do a series of fics based on mexican songs because I know Lancelot would dedicate Gwen "Terrenal" by Julion Alvarez. Stay tunedd!!