Archive of Our Own

As captain of the soccer team, Jeno’s been aware that the team has been falling behind. Everyone was tired: their passes were getting sloppy, easy tackles were missed, and any attempts on goal hit the posts.

With his head in his hands, Jeno tries to remember that it’s just a practice. They don’t have to be perfect, not yet. Despite all their exhaustion, everyone was trying their best.

Their last match against the neighboring private school was a triumph. They fought hard against the spoiled brats with their private trainers paid for by their rich parents, with top of the range equipment and the best pitch in the state. Unfortunately, their victory had taken everything they had, including injuring one of their best players. Now Jeno was left with a team of exhausted men, the adrenaline from their win wearing off.

They were to play their sworn rivals on Friday, a man down, with nothing but dwindling hopes and dreams. If they lose this next match, their chances at topping the leaderboard will be shot. Even Coach Na’s confidence in them waned with each missed opportunity, despite his usual encouragingly optimistic attitude. The typically calm but proud man in his early forties, living vicariously through his son after losing his own professional career to a terrible injury, matched Jeno’s state of despair.

Having one of the smallest teams in the state, despite the most funding a public school could reasonably stretch to, took its toll generally. Topping the leaderboards against all odds was usually a dream, and would likely stay that way if the team didn't get their act together, Jeno thinks.

“Alright boys, practice over, hit the showers. J. Lee, my office,” Coach Na orders, exasperated. Jeno knows better than to argue. Jaemin fist bumps him for luck, and maybe to take his attention off the problem at hand. “What the hell is going on out there?” Coach yells as soon as the door closes. If he’s aware the boys can hear them at regular speaking volume, he doesn’t show it.

“We’ve got one of the most important matches of the season coming up and our best shot at winning anything is on crutches,” Jeno reminds the older man, though it’s no use. “They’ve been working hard, cut them some slack.”

“I cut them some slack on Saturday, on Sunday, and on Monday. My slack’s all gone!” Coach Na continues. Jeno finds that he can’t argue with the logic, though he desperately wants to. Some of his teammates are freshmen, and he feels particularly protective of them. High school soccer is a competitive environment, and Jeno doesn’t want to make that harder than it already is. “They need to get it together before Friday, otherwise our chances are gone! Do you understand that?”

“Yes, but-”

“No buts, do you understand?” As much as he loves Coach Na, or Mr. Na when he was growing up with Jaemin, he could be stubborn. Jeno knows that he only wants the best for the team, everything he never had, but it borders on an obsession to make his son the best in the state, something that will, in Jeno’s opinion, likely never happen.

Jeno nods obediently, though, and is sent to get showered with the rest of the team. Jaemin’s waiting for him, as ever, unfazed by his father’s outburst. Unfazed, or simply just used to it, used to being held to a higher standard than he can reach, than he wants to reach.

It’s no secret Jaemin doesn’t want to play soccer. He has no negative feelings towards the game itself, rather his father’s constant insistence on playing. He’s the least competitive person Jeno knows by a country mile, and everyone can tell when he plays that his heart isn’t in the game.

As an only child, Jaemin feels his only choice is to bear the burden of living out at least some of his father’s hopes and dreams. Jeno wishes he would tell the truth, just once, but he understands why Jaemin doesn’t. One year Jeno signed Jaemin up for the photography club behind his father’s back, and he even tried joining the drama club one year, though that was thwarted when practice would coincide with rehearsals just before one of their biggest ever games. (That year the soccer team staged their own production of High School Musical, but with terrible wigs, and even worse singing. Thankfully it cheered him up, because Jeno had no idea what else they could do.)

The team showers in heavy silence. No conversations sound over a whisper, usually about homework or a project. Mark and Chenle discuss their game plan between them, too quietly for Jeno to hear more than a word or two, and a couple of freshmen keep glancing over at him, making Jeno think he might be the topic of their conversation.

“I’ll see you outside,” Renjun promises once they’re out, patting Jaemin on the butt before leaving the locker room. The unusual action shocks Jeno, but he tries to think nothing of it. In their friend group they were particularly affectionate, both in public and in private. Renjun re-enters not a minute later, heading straight to the coach’s office, where Coach Na was nursing a mug of cold coffee. “Ms. Jeong wants to talk to you.”

Coach Na sighs, following Renjun out the doors. Jaemin and Jeno, now the last two men in the locker room, share a look and shrug.

Once clean, dressed, and having tidied the locker room, they made their way outside. “Finally,” Coach Na starts. “This is our Cap. Jeno, and Jaemin, my son,” he introduces them.

Waiting for them outside the locker room is Renjun, the guidance counsellor Ms. Jeong, and a kid standing behind her. He’s tall, with dyed blond hair growing out, getting a little too unruly, which contrasts with his all-black clothing. He’s almost cowering behind the much shorter woman, and Jeno thinks he looks like a scared puppy. Ironically so, for such an outgoing appearance, topped off with three ear piercings, as well as a nose and a lip ring that twinkle under the lights.

What really catches Jeno’s attention, though, is the boy’s eyes. He’s staring intently at the floor, cheeks flushed red—no doubt related to the amused look plastered on Renjun’s face—but Jeno couldn’t miss the way his eyes sparkle, like a thousand stars in the night sky.

The boy’s so pretty it knocks the wind out of his lungs. Jeno’s mind blue-screens, he can’t think straight and his jaw drops to the floor. He’s never seen a person as stunning as this boy in front of him. Jeno falls into a trance tracing every inch of the boy’s face, only to be snapped out of it by an elbow to the gut.

“Boys, this is erm… erm-”

“This is Jisung, he’s a junior, and a transfer student,” Ms. Jeong introduces him. “He’d like to join the soccer team.” Jeno’s ears perk up at that. If he was any good, he’d be a blessing to the team. Even if he wasn’t the best player they’d seen, having another man on their side could only be a good thing.

“I was just explaining that we have to put him through the same try-outs as everyone else. We have a high standard-” Coach Na says, but he’s lying through his teeth. Jeno sees straight through the bullshit, and sees Renjun, next to Ms. Jeong, trying his hardest not to laugh.

Cutting Coach Na off, Jeno asks, “Can you kick a ball?” Jisung tentatively nods from behind Ms. Jeong. “Welcome to the team, we’re glad to have you.” Jeno reaches out a hand, and Jisung meets it, shaking on the deal.

The next practice Coach Na asked the boys to never mention it in front of him again. They all agreed between giggles, only after he let them stick a photo of the “cast” on the wall of previous teams. To this day, he sighs every time he passes the photo, but never takes it down.

“Jisung seems promising,” Jaemin comments when the three of them fall silent again. Jeno can’t argue with that logic. Judging from his height, he’ll be the tallest player on the team, perhaps in the area. His only concern is the piercings, but anyone who’s played a sport before should know the rules. A few guys on the team have piercings too, so they should be able to help if Jisung hasn’t played before. They pride themselves on being a kind team, even if they don’t win.

“No way! He’s too lanky!” Renjun argues. “He’ll be running across the pitch and the next thing we know, he’s flying away like one of those balloon men.” Jeno wants to retort that inflatable men don’t typically fly away unless they aren’t weighed down properly, but he’s far too entertained by the mental image of Jisung floating away, arms flailing everywhere.

“You’re mean. You’re both mean!” Jaemin says, but Jeno can see he’s holding in a laugh too, desperately trying to focus on the road. It only encourages Renjun to continue with an impression of balloon men. When Jeno joined in, Jaemin threatened to crash the car if they didn’t stop, though none of them stopped laughing until they got home.

It turned out they didn’t need to worry. Jisung is a natural on the pitch. Mark and Chenle had searched his name during home ec, and he was the star player at his last school. It certainly put Jeno’s mind at ease for the next match.

The team started ribbing him as soon as he walked into the locker room, until Jeno intervened and told them to behave. Despite that, Jisung didn’t seem to mind. He wore a huge smile on his face when Chenle said they’d been reading up on his games, though the tips of his ears turned red. If Jeno touched them, they’d probably burn, but that was a weird thought, so he pushed it to the back of his mind.

Still, the teasing continued, but Jeno didn’t mind it so much from Donghyuck. The older boy bragged to Jeno that he was the first to meet their new teammate, which wasn’t entirely true, and apparently they’d hit it off during Math when they met.

Coach Na had been giving Jeno the cold shoulder for no reason all day. He’d tried speaking to the older man throughout the day, but nothing worked. Jeno supposed his ego was bruised by Jeno cutting him off. He remained the same when Jeno got out onto the field, sitting on the bleachers reading a newspaper he definitely only picked up to make his point.

“Okay, we’re gonna do some warm up’s. You wanna partner with Hyuck?” Jeno offered Jisung once everyone was out on the pitch.

“I was gonna partner with Mark,” Hyuck argues, but Jeno takes one look at where Mark is currently warming up with Chenle, and raises his eyebrows. Hyuck rolls his eyes, scowling a little as he walks off, dragging Jisung behind him.

Once everyone’s warmed up, they get started on some basic drills. Jeno keeps it under the pretence of easing Jisung into the team, but really he’s hoping the basics will bring them back to some kind of normalcy.

It works like a charm. The team meshes together once again, and everyone falls back into line. They hold a mock-match, shirts v. bibs, using the techniques of their rivals ahead of the match. It ends with a 6-3 victory to the bibs: Jisung’s side, naturally. Jeno’s equally as proud of Chenle, though, for scoring more than he has the entire week. It gives everyone a sense of optimism, and the new (very talented) face has refreshed all of them.

Every time Jisung scores, the bibs side jumps on him to celebrate. It shocks Jisung the first few times, but he quickly gets accustomed. Still, even after the fifth goal, Jisung’s cheeks blush heavily at the attention, and the tips of his ears burn red.

It rubs Jeno the wrong way for reasons he can’t understand. He diverts his attention by focusing on Chenle, who gets overly competitive in practice situations. It serves as a good distraction, focusing on Chenle, hyping him up to “kick Jisung’s ass”. It certainly whips Chenle back into shape. If they both keep it up, it takes a load off Jeno’s back, and they can all focus on defence before the match.

He has to be careful with the Chenle strategy, though. After the match, he warns Chenle to keep it on the pitch, not to get distracted by making a rivalry. Chenle understands easily, and Jeno has every faith that Chenle wouldn’t do something like that, but it doesn’t ease his concern.

It doesn’t help that everything Jisung does, every pat on the back he gets, leaves a bitter taste in Jeno’s mouth. He feels like a hypocrite, telling Chenle one thing and doing the exact opposite.

Everyone else seems to adore Jisung. Mark and Jaemin take him under his wing, Renjun coos every time he blushes, and Donghyuck already tried to kiss him when he scored. Amongst them, Jeno stands out like a sore thumb. A very bitter sore thumb, who needed to get over himself.

“Hey man, you did good today,” Jeno stops Jisung as he’s about to leave the locker rooms, giving the younger boy a handshake.

“O-oh, thank you,” Jisung replies, with a shyness that doesn’t match the strength of the handshake, Jeno freezes. It occurs to him that it’s the first time he’s heard Jisung speak, and it stops all of his brain functions.

Jisung’s voice is deep, very deep, and Jeno’s surprised. He’s just surprised. That’s it. It’s not that Jeno felt his voice vibrating deep in his soul, or anything.

Jisung walks out afterwards, and Renjun turns to Jeno accusingly. “You don’t like him,” he says.

“He’s good, I like him,” Jeno defends, but he can taste that bitterness in his mouth again. He hates lying to Renjun, mainly because Renjun can see straight through him with ease, but he has to. Whatever opinions he has on Jisung, they shouldn’t have any effect on the field.

Telling himself that doesn’t help anything, though, because Jeno can feel his blood boiling under the surface. Jeno isn’t an angry person, things like this don’t usually get to him. It takes a lot for something to crawl under his skin, but Jisung seems to have managed it in less than three hours. The worst part is Jisung did nothing wrong. Jeno is being dramatic, he knows he’s being dramatic. He’s the problem, but he still can’t find it in himself to stop.

“You don’t like him.” Jeno decides to ignore Renjun instead, focusing on packing his things away. “I dated you for two years, Jeno, I know when you don’t like someone.”

“And what if I don’t?” Jeno snaps, and Renjun falls quiet. He’s fucked up, he knows he’s fucked up.

Jeno’s glad there’s no one else in the locker rooms, because they don’t need to deal with Jeno’s petty ego, or whatever it is causing this. Not when their biggest match of the season is coming up, and they’ve been playing miserably all week.

“Then sort it out,” Renjun tells him before walking out, leaving Jeno alone with his thoughts.

He doesn’t dislike Jisung, there’s nothing for Jeno to dislike about Jisung. Jeno’s always been averse to change, though, that’s what he tells himself. Jisung’s a new person, he’s just adjusting to the new presence. Jeno’s sure that in a few days the weariness will dissipate and he’ll like Jisung.

Jeno doesn’t like Jisung.

Coach Na stopped pettily ignoring Jeno on Thursday, and the team spent Friday discussing and polishing their techniques. Everything should’ve been perfect.

Except it wasn’t. The entire match, Jeno couldn’t concentrate on anything but the head on white-blond hair in front of him.

Their rivals were on top form the entire match, which made it so much worse that Jeno couldn’t focus on anything but Jisung. Thankfully, his team matched that energy. They managed to win with absolutely no thanks to Jeno.

They continued winning from there, and carried on for months, until they were one point away from reaching the top of the leaderboard. If they won their next match, they’d reach first place, and would only have to maintain that spot to win the tournament.

As a result of their wins, Jisung shot to popularity across the school. Rumors began running around the school about how he’s so handsome he must’ve been a prince in a past life, especially when he takes the piercings out. Jeno doesn’t exactly see the royalty comparison, but he can definitely agree that Jisung’s attractive. Anyone with eyes could see that.

Jeno never saw Jisung outside of practice, even their lunch periods were different, but the jokes in the locker room were enough to learn about the situation. Jisung apparently wasn’t handling the issue well. He often hid behind Chenle and Donghyuck in the hallways to avoid receiving confessions from girls.

Jeno’s poor performance on the pitch continued, too, Jisung’s newfound fame proving a disastrous distraction. He never really cared about popularity, so Jeno doesn’t understand why it bothers him. Jisung is nice, he’s sweet, and Jeno is grateful that a lot of his own fangirls have moved on, so it’s pitiful that Jeno’s letting something so insignificant get to him.

Their latest win ended 3-2. Jisung scored most of the goals, narrowly missing out on a hattrick when Jeno kicked the ball to Chenle when it was obviously the wrong move. Chenle scored the last goal with only two minutes left in overtime, cementing them at the top of the league.

The winning goal led to Chenle getting carried into the changing room by most of the guys, including Jeno who tried his best to ignore the awful gnawing feeling in his gut. It was only Jaemin who trailed behind them, refusing to join in the celebrations.

“You good, man?” Jeno asks as soon as he escapes the crowd surrounding Chenle, following Jaemin into the showers.

“I’m fine,” he insists.

Jeno’s known Jaemin since they were in diapers, though, so he isn’t satisfied with the answer. “I know you’re not.”

“And what about you? What the hell was that out there?” Jaemin spits, and Jeno’s mouth goes dry. He wishes he had an answer, or at least a normal answer, because anything he comes up with doesn’t sound good. “He’s too sweet, he’s too shy, he’s too pretty,” about the guy who scores most of their goals feels so silly and so superficial, especially when Jeno has been nothing but an obstacle to their success. It's not like Jeno at all.

It’s all very bittersweet for Jeno. He’s proud of his team, no matter what, but he feels like he’s let them all down. Because he has let them down. Whatever it is about Jisung, Jeno needs to get over himself, or they risk losing their position. Especially if this turns out to be a fluke, and they return to their previous lacklustre playing.

The cheerful atmosphere is ruined for Jeno, so he stays in the showers, out of the way. He showers in silence with Jaemin in the next stall, the only noises being water running and the cheers by the lockers.

In the team’s usual routine, they go out to eat after a win. It’s nearly always fast food, because Jeno’s conscious that some members of the team aren’t as well-off as the others, despite the mainly middle class catchment area. It also serves as a sort of treat, for playing so well, before training kicks back up on Monday.

Jaemin promises his dad he’ll be back by eight, but something in his voice makes Jeno think he’s lying. He doesn’t say anything, but it hurts that Jeno seems to be the last to know, if the way Donghyuck’s wiggling his eyebrows suggests anything.

They sit at two tables next to each other, splitting into their little friendship groups, as they always do. “Jisungie,” Donghyuck calls as Jisung goes to sit with the others, and he pulls the younger one into his lap. Jisung winces at what Jeno assumes to be the speed, or the shock. If Hyuck notices, he doesn’t show it. “Hi,” he smiles, pinching Jisung’s cheek.

Jisung looks so out of place in Donghyuck’s arms, easily towering over Hyuck, but he still looks so much smaller when he blushes and attempts to hide his face. It works to make Jeno feel even worse about his contempt towards such a sweet, shy kid.

Even Renjun sitting next to them, who usually doesn’t like too many people in his space, doesn’t seem to mind being squashed in between Chenle and Donghyuck and Jisung. Renjun grabs one of Jisung’s hands, the other one being wrapped around Donghyuck’s shoulders for stability. To anyone it would be obvious that Jisung is the baby of the group, if only Jeno could stop glaring at him.

It occurs to Jeno that maybe he’s jealous. Maybe, in all this time, he hasn’t gotten over Renjun, and this is some sort of underlying jealous rage towards Jisung. He remembers a time when they were together, which also led to their breakup, when Jeno would get jealous of any man even remotely close with Renjun, whether that was Jaemin, or Mark, or even that male cheerleader he was friends with for all of a day.

Except that isn’t true, because if Jeno truly wasn’t over Renjun, he would’ve gotten angry when Renjun jumped on Chenle with affection, or that time he kissed Donghyuck as a dare. None of those things made Jeno jealous at all.

Meanwhile, Jisung’s focus isn’t on any of them. He’s staring straight at Jeno, eyes wide with what seems to be fear, or maybe even hurt.

Jeno doesn’t have time to think of that, because all of a sudden, there’s movement beside him. “I need some air,” Jaemin says, slipping past Jeno to head outside. Jeno excuses himself, following behind as closely as he can. “What do you want?”

Jeno sighs, looking at the pathetic state they’ve gotten themselves in. “I don’t like Jisung. I don’t like Jisung and I don’t know why. It’s so bad he distracts me when he’s doing nothing,” Jeno admits. Jaemin looks at him quizzically, as if he’s said something completely out of the blue.

Jaemin isn’t usually this stubborn, unless something has happened. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, so Jeno mimics the action, raising an eyebrow. He can stand there all night if he has to, but he really doesn’t want to, and neither does Jaemin.

“Had a fight with Chenle,” Jaemin eventually gives in, dropping his arms. Jeno sits on one of the benches, even though it’s cold and wet, and gestures for Jaemin to join him. “It’s dumb, I’ll get over it.”

“It’s not dumb if it’s annoying you."

“I’m fine, really. Please don’t worry,” “What is it about Jisung?”

“I don’t know. He’s so good, but he’s so shy and quiet. I just wish he’d act like it,” Jeno voices his frustrations. “He’s nothing like I expected and it annoys me so much.”

“I’d rather he’s sweet than an ass,” Jaemin chuckled, finally sitting down next to Jeno, wrapping an arm around Jeno’s shoulders. The air is unnaturally cold for the beginning of Spring. The chill cold nips at Jeno’s hands and face, whereas Jaemin’s wearing only a t-shirt and jeans, it must be even worse for him.

Still, Jeno leans into the touch, resting his head on Jaemin’s awfully cold arm. “He’s not bad at all, it’s just me,” he says.

“I hated you in the sixth grade,” Jaemin replies after thinking for some time.

“I know,” Jaemin’s face dropped, turning to face Jeno. It makes Jeno laugh for the first time since Tuesday, a welcome relief, “You wouldn’t talk to me, you never passed the ball to me. And you punched me in Algebra when I asked for help,” Jeno remembers that day as the only time he and Jaemin ever fought. They were suspended for a week, in which they were so bored they forgot why they were fighting. Since then, they’d been inseparable.

At least they were until Jeno started dating Renjun, but even then that couldn’t separate them. Jeno became distant, finding it difficult to focus on anyone but his first love.

Things weren’t the same after he and Renjun broke up. Their friends had to split their time between the two of them, and plan their time together around each other, because they couldn’t be in the same room without fighting. Even in the locker rooms, Renjun had to shower and leave while Jeno waited for someone to let him in. The only time they got along was on the field, as long as they were kept on separate sides.

Now Jeno and Renjun are friends again, things are back to normal. Jeno and Jaemin are still best friends, nothing can take that away from them. Neither of them have gone a full twenty-four hours without speaking, even if that was Jeno laying awake at night panicking about how he didn’t talk to Jaemin all day. That was the benefit of living next door to each other, when Jeno could walk into his garden and throw rocks at Jaemin’s window to get his attention.

Sometimes Jeno thinks it might be different. If he hadn’t met Renjun, and subsequently fallen for him, he could see himself falling for Jaemin, spending the rest of their lives together. He wouldn’t mind it, being with Jaemin, but that possibility’s long gone. They’re friends, and Jeno hopes it stays that way forever, because he can’t imagine a life without Jaemin in it, but if time forces them apart, he wouldn’t mind. Some things aren’t meant to last forever.

“I’m not an expert, but I think it would help if you didn’t glare at him all the time,” Jaemin starts. It’s now Jeno’s turn to be shocked, finding that it’s not as funny on the other side. “You’re not the only obvious one. You’re his captain, he’s looking up to you. It’s not fair that he has to deal with this.”

“I know,” Jeno confesses, resting his head back down on Jaemin’s arm. “He doesn’t deserve this.”

“Then what are you gonna do about it?” And that strikes Jeno straight through the heart, because he genuinely has no idea what he’s gonna do. There should be a way to make it up to Jisung, one that should be glaringly obvious, but nothing occurs to Jeno. There’s nothing standing out at Jeno, nothing slapping him in the face with the answer to all his problems.

Instead of answering, Jeno lets a silence fall onto them, resting calmly until they hear a knocking on the window. It’s Chenle, telling them their food’s arrived. Jeno notices there’s a sort of sour look on his face, but he guesses Renjun’s making them all wait for Jeno and Jaemin to return before eating.

The boys stand up, wiping off their asses, and laughing at the wet patch on each other’s ass, before going back inside.

Jeno takes Jaemin’s advice. He doesn’t glare at Jisung any more—not during practice, not when Jaemin forces them to stop in the hallways and talk to Jisung, not even when Renjun kisses Jisung’s cheek and smiles like the kid’s father.

He achieves this feat with one very easy, very simple method: not paying attention to Jisung. During their conversation, Jeno looked through his bag to make sure he had his homework (then thankfully excused himself because he had actually left it in his locker), when Renjun kissed him he focused on getting ready to go out onto the field. During practice it was much harder, because he’s playing so close to Jisung, it’s almost impossible to ignore the younger. But Jeno is nice, he’s capable of being nice, and the harmony of the team is far more important than the awful unsolicited hatred he’s harboring.

Jaemin still scolds Jeno, claiming he’s still making it obvious, but it isn’t Jeno’s fault. He’s taking it in baby steps. He can’t just randomly forget about it and move on. And it isn’t like Jaemin has never held a grudge, even if a grudge implies that Jisung wronged Jeno at any point, which he certainly didn’t. At the end of the day, for the first week, it’s an improvement. An improvement Jeno is very much thankful for and definitely planning to continue to improve. Hopefully.

Being a group of hormonal teenage boys, it’s not out of the ordinary that the soccer team leaves a mess in the locker rooms when they’ve left. But for Jeno, it’s insulting. They’re all old enough to clean up after themselves, and it isn’t the job of the janitors to tidy their dirty, sweaty equipment, so Jeno prides himself on staying behind to help.

Renjun and Jaemin help sometimes, but this time, Jeno sends them out. Jaemin has a photography project to get done, with Renjun and Chenle as models, and Jeno knows they’re shooting outside, so they need as much sunlight as they can get, as well as how long it takes Jaemin to set up for one of his shoots. It’s their last chance to hold the shoot before it’s too late, so Jeno lets them go. Hopefully, if they finish quick enough, he might still be able to catch a ride home.

Which leaves Jeno alone in the locker room, trying to ignore whatever’s causing that foul stench as he tidies. The cleaners know the routine by now, so they leave the locker rooms until last. By the time he’s done it should be closer to 5:00, and the halls will be empty bar the last few straggling students.

Except it isn’t just Jeno left in the locker room.

He stepped out for five seconds, and came back to hear the shower running. He questions his own memory, first, trying to recall if one of the boys had left it running on accident, but he soon dispels the ridiculous thought. One of the showers could have broken and started on its own.

Or there could be someone in there, showering. It made sense. There was no shortage of students struggling financially. But just by listening, he couldn’t be sure. What if a shower was broken, or they had forgotten to turn it off, he should warn the janitors. But if it was a student, he shouldn’t just send a grown man into the showers.

Jeno feels bad as he creeps around the corner to the showers, treading lightly in case there’s a student. When he does, he’s met with a familiar head of white-blond hair.

Thankfully, Jisung has his back turned, because Jeno wouldn’t be able to deal with the embarrassment of being caught. He should leave now, mind at ease. But he can’t, because something catches his eye.

Jisung’s back is covered black and purple from bruises. Jeno traces them all with his eyes, noticing how some even make their way to Jisung’s front. Jeno’s breath catches in his throat, and he starts to choke. He shoots out of the showers as fast as he can, reaching to grab his water from his bag.

When Jeno regains his composure, he feels silly. He catches sight of a black backpack, with some regular clothes folded up next to it, that he really should have seen.

Jisung walks out not long after, towel wrapped around his waist. He doesn’t notice Jeno at first, making a beeline for his bag, and his clothes, which gives Jeno the chance to check him out.

His eyes are instantly drawn to Jisung’s six pack. From looking at Jisung’s physique on the field, Jeno knew the younger must work out. Except he’d never looked, typically making a point to not really look at most others in the changing rooms like that unless they were close.

Looking at him like this, Jeno definitely sees why people think of Jisung as a prince. Even covered in bruises he’s still attractive in a way that makes Jeno feel small, like he isn’t worthy of walking on the same ground.

Jeno shakes his head, shaking the thought away with it.

“Sorry, I didn’t think there was anyone left in here,” he says, as if he's been caught stashing drugs and not showering, like a normal person.

“No, you’re fine,” Jeno assures him, but it feels stupid. Why does Jisung feel the need to apologize? What would the problem even be? Jeno’s heart drops as his eyes fall back down to the bruises. It’s not as bad as his back, but there are small bruises littered down Jisung’s front, some healing, others still dark. Jeno decides to screw whatever was holding him back. “Are you okay?”

“O-oh, yeah. I, um, I fell down the stairs in the science block.”

Jeno’s never fallen down the stairs before, but he knows Jisung’s injuries don’t match what he says. Chenle once broke his leg when he missed one step, so falling down the stairs would definitely hurt more. He’s watched Jisung closely, he hasn’t been playing any worse, the definite sign of hiding an injury.

Besides, if Jisung actually fell, someone on the team would’ve said something. They all tease each other. With Chenle’s leg it carried on for months until he could actually play again, and even when he was back on the pitch, they would joke about his “injured leg”. Surely Jisung falling down the stairs would have gotten more attention in the locker rooms.

Instead of questioning, though, Jeno leaves it be. There’s no need to press any further. Jisung really could have fallen down the stairs, and asked the team not to mention anything. It was an embarrassing experience, after all. Jeno shouldn’t stick his nose in where it isn’t wanted.

Jeno hears the problem before he sees it.

The laughter of jocks on the football team, the slapping of skin hitting skin, the tell-tale sound of a body being thrown onto the lockers before hitting the floor.

Names are being spat at the victim, horrible ones that make Jeno’s stomach churn. Ones that were spat at him, before he learned to stand up for himself, and to start using his fists if he needed too.

Thankfully, none of his own bullies were ever too physical, but it was enough to make Jeno hate himself, which was really all they wanted. It wasn’t until Renjun came into his life he learned to stand up to them, and against them, and he hasn’t turned back since. The soccer team has had a no-bullying policy ever since he became captain, one that Jeno drilled into the younger members of the team in the hopes that they’d carry it on. It was only a hope, but he liked to think they listened to him. They certainly didn’t act like bullies in front of him.

As Jeno turned the corner, it was the same, familiar head of white-blond hair, starting to go dark at the roots, that caught his attention. Slowly rising up from the floor, or at least trying, before a foot kicks him back down with a grunt.

Jeno watches as the three attackers laugh at Jisung’s every attempt to get up. His books are scattered across the hall, and his arms are shielding his face.

Then, something on the floor catches his eye. Jeno recognizes one of Jisung’s textbooks, having seen Donghyuck carrying it around before. It’s a paperback, but it’s big and heavy enough to hurt if someone used it as a weapon.

It’s not that Jeno encourages violence, but he knows the football team, and knows it’s the only language they speak. He usually gets some help, or goes to tell a teacher, but the halls are empty except for them.

He creeps over to the thick textbook, praying to whoever will listen that the bullies are too invested in Jisung to notice him, and picks it up as quietly as he can. In one swing, he hits two of the bullies, colliding all three of them into each other. While they’re scrambling, he notices a small smile forming on Jisung’s face, like he’s trying not to laugh. It certainly makes Jeno feel a lot better, and much more comfortable in doing it.

“What the hell, Lee?” One of them asks, the first to get up and notice their own attacker. Jeno recognizes him as the captain of the football team, a vile man he wishes he didn’t know, who’s only made it to senior year because he’s on the football team, otherwise he’d have failed every class. He’s bigger and taller than Jisung, who’s slowly picking himself off the ground behind them.

“What do you need with my striker?”

“We’re just talking, aren’t we Jisungie?” another says, grabbing Jisung by the shirt, and Jeno doesn’t miss the way Jisung flinches when the hand moves towards him. It makes Jeno’s blood boil, to see Jisung so scared. He remembers the first time he met him, the shy boy hiding behind the guidance counsellor despite towering over her, blushing red because of Renjun’s teasing. Then, Jisung's wide eyes while sat in Donghyuck's lap, completely distracted from the joking and messing around beside him.

Jisung stammers to find an answer, but Jeno beats him to speak, “I don’t think he wants to speak to you," something protective in Jeno snaps, folding his arms in front of him. "I need to speak to him though.”

The three boys roll their eyes, but they groan as they walk away. Jeno instantly gets down on his knees, picking up the rest of Jisung’s belongings that he’d been strewn around. “You fell down the stairs?” Jeno questions, handing the papers over, but he knows the answer.

“I might have been pushed,” Jisung finally responds, breaking Jeno’s heart in the process. It’s so quiet he almost doesn’t hear it, and Jeno almost wishes he didn’t.

As captain it’s Jeno’s responsibility to look after his team, to make sure they’re all safe and settling in well, while Jisung was suffering in silence. He failed in his job, in the most important part of it, and nothing about that sits right with Jeno.

“You should report them.”

“It’s fine, I’m used to it.” Was that it? He just gave up and accepted the bullying?

“No, it’s not,” Jeno tries to argue, but Jisung starts walking away. “How long?” he asks, desperate to make Jisung stay, enveloped by a sudden urge to protect and shield the younger boy.

“What?” Jisung turns back around, and it’s clear he’s frustrated with Jeno. Like for some reason Jeno’s the problem, even though there were three men beating him up not ten minutes ago. Besides, it wasn’t like Jeno cared before then. Jisung wasn’t dumb, he must’ve sensed that Jeno didn’t like him.

Still, Jeno’s riddled with guilt. He wishes he’d noticed sooner, wishes he’d pushed more, wishes he’d taken initiative and realized what was going on. If Jisung was hurting, he should’ve been able to speak to his captain, to his team, and instead Jeno isolated him.

“How long have they been doing this?”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to worry,” Jisung tries to reassure him.

“I’m already worried!”

“Then stop!” Jisung yells, and Jeno has to take a step back from him. He didn’t even realize they’d gotten so close that just one step away felt too near.

Jeno’s never usually annoyed by someone lashing out at him, especially not when that someone has been treated like Jeno has Jisung, but it still shocks him enough. It’s completely valid, though, and he can’t think of a single reason.

Jeno supposes he got what he wanted. Jisung finally stood up for himself. Finally stopped letting everyone push him around, but it doesn’t feel good. It’s terrible, when Jeno really thinks about it.

Jisung’s outburst doesn’t last long. Jeno can see tears welling up in Jisung’s eyes, threatening to spill. He hates it, not only because he knows he’s the cause, but the longer he looks, the more he searches, he can’t find a single star in Jisung’s eyes, and that’s his fault. Jeno caused that. “I-I’m sorry,” Jisung apologizes, voice quiet once again.

Jeno wishes he could do something as one tear rolls down Jisung’s cheek: he wants to pull him into his arms and hug him tight. But he can’t. He’s made his own bed and now he has to lay in it.

It feels like shit. Jeno feels like shit. Jisung’s crying in front of him, and all Jeno can do is stand there, watching, completely useless, with a lump in his throat. “I’m so sorry,” Jisung apologizes again, as if he’s on some kind of mission to make Jeno feel like the worst piece of shit. Jisung hasn’t done anything wrong, but he’s still the one apologising, because Jeno hasn’t done anything to make Jisung feel safe, or comfortable, or even wanted.

“How are you getting home?” It’s pathetic, even for Jeno. It’s not an apology, nor an admission of any sort of guilt, just stupid small talk. He should apologize. He has to apologize.

“I-I was meant to take the bus,” Jisung stutters. Jeno sighs, knowing the school bus would've left ages ago.

“Come on, then. I’ll take you home.”

“W-what?”

“Let me take you home,” Jeno says. He’s prepared to argue with Jisung, even drag him into his car if he has to, but there’s no need. Jisung’s face softens, but it doesn’t make Jeno relax. The younger boy looks terrified, like Jeno’s gonna take him to an abandoned warehouse and get rid of him. “Please,” he adds, suddenly far more nervous than he should be.

At least some of his anxiety is quelled when Jisung nods, and Jeno begins to lead the way.

They walk to the car with a silence that weighs on Jeno’s shoulders. He’s nervous, being alone with Jisung. It’s something that never happened before that day in the locker room, and Jeno can still see the bruises covering Jisung’s skin when he closes his eyes.

Jeno flinches at the thought of what they’d been putting Jisung through, and what they’d probably been putting other people through. How Jisung must’ve hid it from everyone and suffered on his own.

He can see Jisung fidgeting with his hands next to him as they walk, and it doesn’t help any of Jeno’s nerves. In fact, it probably makes them a little bit worse.

“You can play some music, if you like,” Jeno points to the aux cable when they get in the car.

“No, it’s fine,” Jisung shakes his head, but he seems to be relaxing in the passenger seat: a little bit of relief for Jeno.

The silence continues, eating Jeno from the inside out. He almost wants to scream, but that would be unfair to Jisung, who’s sitting ever so quietly, the only sound he makes are his sniffles, though he stopped crying.

Words rest on Jeno’s tongue, and his heart feels heavy. “I’m sorry,” he finally apologizes, and finds his chest a lot lighter. He’s kept on edge by Jisung stilling in his seat, but Jeno can handle that. He can handle being the bigger person, even if it’s just a small way. “For everything.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not. I should’ve seen, or thought, or stopped caring about myself for long enough to care about you, and I’m so sorry,” Jeno adds, and Jisung’s shoulders drop as he exhales, finally easing Jeno’s nerves.

“Thanks,” Jisung hums. “It’s okay, really.”

Jeno hums in return, but he’s still a bit hesitant. After all, the way he’s treated Jisung, just apologizing doesn’t mean much. He can apologize all he wants, but it still doesn’t change how Jeno acts. Jisung has every right to tell him to fuck off, and Jeno’s lucky that Jisung’s too kind for his own good.

Jisung pulls out his phone, and starts playing a game while Jeno’s driving. It sounds similar to one Donghyuck plays, and Jeno figures that might be why he and Jisung get along so well.

Jeno considers bringing up a few more questions floating around in his mind: how did it start? Why did it start? Why doesn’t Jisung want to fight back? Jisung is so engrossed in his game, though, that breaking the silence between them would probably make things worse. So Jeno allows them to continue, not talking, but checking on Jisung over his shoulder every few minutes of the drive.

When Jeno finally pulls up outside the address he’s been given, Jisung gets out. “Thank you. So much.”

“No worries,” Jeno replies. He watches as Jisung goes to shut the door, but holds out his hand to stop him. “If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m here.”

Jisung smiles awkwardly, though a softer, more optimistic look in his eyes makes Jeno think his offer was accepted. “Thank you.”

Jeno doesn’t even think about leaving until Jisung is fully inside his house, the door closed shut behind him. This can never happen again, he thinks to himself as he pulls away. He can’t let them hurt Jisung any longer.

He decides that he’ll protect Jisung, even if it hurts him, even if the other boy doesn't let him.

The next day, Jeno feels a bit silly waiting by the gates, like suddenly they’ve gone back to freshman year, when he was dating Renjun and would wait for him at the gates every morning, anxious for whatever reason that Renjun might not show up and they couldn’t spend the day attached at the hip, and Jaemin would have to physically drag Jeno into class.

This time, though, Jeno isn’t waiting for his boyfriend like a clingy kid in his first relationship. Instead, he’s waiting for Jisung.

He gave Jaemin the excuse that he needs to speak to Jisung about their upcoming game, which isn’t true, and Jeno feels like such a cheat lying to his friend. But Jaemin believed him, only warning that he shouldn’t be too harsh on the boy.

Jeno was awake for most of the night, wracked with guilt while thinking about Jisung. He’d already made the decision to protect Jisung, even if Jisung doesn’t want it. He’ll be like Jisung’s own personal (voluntary) bodyguard, the barrier between him and anyone who wants to bully him. He vows to stick with Jisung at all hours of the day, at least as much as he can.

He doesn’t actually have a plan of what to do, because they don’t usually have class together. Jeno doesn’t know Jisung’s schedule, and sometimes he’ll probably find it hard to walk Jisung to a class on the other side of the school, but he’s sure he can just enlist someone else’s help.

Protecting Jisung will most likely infuriate those assholes on the football team, but Jeno can deal with them. He has two fists if he needs to, as well as a lifelong friendship with a teacher’s son if he has to snitch, so Jeno will be fine. He has to be fine, because the other option is that Jisung gets intimidated by those assholes, and it all starts again. It’ll be even worse, since Jeno hit them to protect him.

Jeno spots Mark driving his car and waves, like a kid, before mentally facepalming. He can see Chenle laughing at him in the backseat, and he doesn’t even need to wait to know that he’ll be the topic of the day in the locker rooms. There’s no sign of Jisung, so he keeps watching them out of boredom. Mark pulls into the first spot he sees, as close to the school as possible.

To his surprise, Jisung steps out of the car with them. Jeno makes a beeline for him, sprinting across the parking lot with no regard to his or anyone else’s safety.

When he reaches a suitable distance, he calls Jisung’s name. It confuses Mark and his other passengers, though none more than Jisung, who turns on his heel faster than Jeno’s ever seen him move, eyes wide with fear. Chenle starts laughing again, almost collapsing into Mark’s arms.

On any normal day, Jeno would flip him off. It isn’t a normal day, though, as guilt still rests in every bone of his body, he reminds himself that he has bigger priorities.

Jeno assumes that Jisung wouldn’t want him telling everyone else about the bullying, at least for fear of embarrassment on Jisung’s side. “I, uhm, I just wanna talk to you before class,” Jeno starts, adding ‘not coming up with a better excuse’ to his already long list of regrets.

The other two boys took that as their sign to leave, telling Jisung they’ll see him later. Chenle even pats Jisung on the back, and Jeno watches as he pretends it didn’t hurt while they walk away.

“Do you wanna…” Jeno trails off but he points to the school entrance. Jisung starts walking, so Jeno follows him.

The situation clearly puts Jisung on edge as he fiddles with a keychain on his backpack: a little chick Jeno remembers Renjun gifting Jisung one week for his win, claiming it looked like Jisung. Jeno can't see it himself, but it made Renjun happy to see it hanging from his bag.

“What do you need to talk about?” Jisung slows down to walk by Jeno’s side once they’re through the doors.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re alright,” Jeno says. “You know, it is my duty as your captain.”

Jisung nods apprehensively. “I’m good.” He starts walking away, so Jeno follows, until Jisung notices and turns around, looking somewhere between annoyed and confused. “I don’t need protection.”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Jeno lies.

“Then why are you following me?”

Jeno thinks for a minute, racking his brain for any other excuse. None come up, of course, so he admits defeat. “I need my striker not covered in bruises.”

“I told you I’m used to it,” Jisung crosses his arms in front of him, veering much closer to the side of aggravation. “It was worse at my old school.”

“Then why don’t you fight back?” Jeno blurts out. Jisung sighs, as if it’s some complicated problem that Jeno could never understand. “You’re strong, you can take them.” Jeno continues, defending himself.

“I beat them up, then what? They come back with more?” that silences Jeno, taking a step back, as if that’ll somehow make it sink in quicker. “I don’t fight, anyway, unless it’s something super serious.”

Jeno would argue that getting bullied is something “super serious” but he doesn’t say that. “Let me protect you, then,” he says instead. “They don’t beat you up, and I get to keep my striker. It’s a win-win.”

Jisung agrees fairly quickly, thankfully, and Jeno follows him to his locker.

While Jisung unpacks his bag into his locker, trying his best to organize his books in the mess already there, Jeno takes the opportunity to take him in. He notices Jisung wears a lot of black clothes, and not much else. That said, he’s seen Jisung in a lot of flannels, usually a red one.

His eyes are (obviously) drawn to Jisung’s hair, which stands out against his clothes. At the very top of his head, he can see the roots growing out, yet another contrast from the white.

Jeno rocks back and forth on the balls on his feet, feeling the nervous urge to move around. He meant to go for a run in the morning, but with his lack of sleep, he opted to stay in bed.

It was the wrong move, because now he feels like he has ants in his pants, even though he’s running on less than enough sleep. It must show, too, and he hopes it doesn’t make Jisung uncomfortable. “So, are you planning on dyeing your hair again?”

Jisung looks at him confused, as if the comment came out of nowhere. “I-I just mean because- ‘cause your roots are showing, I thought you were-”

“No. I’m gonna let it grow out,” Jisung replies.

“That’s a shame,” Jeno mutters under his breath without thinking. His own comment shocks him, praying that Jisung didn’t hear anything.

Obviously, he did. Jisung freezes in place, suddenly as still as a statue. If his eyes didn’t move to the side (rightfully side-eyeing Jeno), people might actually mistake him as one. A few moments of silence pass before Jisung laughs. He doesn’t break out into a laugh or anything, he just laughs halfheartedly in a way that makes Jeno feel like he’s really fucked up.

Jeno can’t really do anything else but laugh along, palms sweating from nerves. He can’t help but notice that Jisung is really pretty when he smiles: he’s pretty no matter what.

Jisung still manages to make Jeno blush, though. He decides he likes Jisung’s laugh, and would like it a lot if he could hear it more. He regrets the past, regrets that he’s only hearing it now. If he could, he’d probably listen to it every day. He’s so focused on Jisung’s laugh, he doesn’t hear the footsteps behind him.

“Well, if it isn’t the little prince and his little bodyguard,” a familiar voice starts behind them, and Jeno instantly puts a hand on the small of Jisung’s back, shocking himself with how hard and fast he moved, and hopes he didn’t accidentally hurt Jisung.

Jeno turns to face them himself, and he has to bite his tongue to stop the grimace creeping up on his face. “What do you want?” he spits, feeling sick to his stomach at the sight of them.

“Nothing,” another one says, backing away. Jeno can see a bruise forming on the side of one of their faces, and smirks to himself, awfully proud. “Just wanted to say ‘hi’.” Then they’re gone, just as quickly as they came. Jisung audibly exhales as he listens to their footsteps, and it makes Jeno’s heart clench. He drops his hand from Jisung’s back, the contact instantly becoming awkward, and gives him a weak smile, one he knows looks fake, but it’s better than nothing.

“You’re okay,” he whispers, though Jisung still doesn’t move. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Jisung shakes his head, and Jeno can finally breathe again.

Jeno moves back to lean against the locker behind him, “Blond suits you,” he returns to their previous topic.

Jisung blushes, the first hint of a smile creeping up on his face. “I need to stop bleaching it before it gets damaged,” he informs. Jeno wonders how long Jisung had the blond, or if he dyed it a different color before.

Jeno tries to imagine all the different colors Jisung might’ve had before. Wandering eyes notice a picture hung on his locker door, Jisung and a woman who must’ve been his mom, with Jisung’s arm wrapped around her shoulder. What catches Jeno’s attention, apart from how Jisung towers over her, is his hair. It’s bright red, standing out against his dark clothes in the picture.

He doesn’t get any more time to look at the photo, because Jisung takes out his books and closes the locker. “I have Chem,” Jisung says, pointing in the direction of the science block. Jeno notices that he’s still smiling, even if he’s biting his lip to force it back.

“English,” Jeno points in the opposite direction as the first bell rings.

“I’ll catch up with Chenle, see you at practice.”

“Yeah, just text me if there’s any trouble,” Jeno says. Jisung nods, and heads towards his own class. “Don’t fall,” Jeno calls. Jisung ignores him, but the rise and fall of his shoulders give away that he’s laughing. Proud of himself, Jeno leaves too.

Jeno learns a lot about Jisung in the next few days. He does in fact, play the same game as Hyuck, which is apparently called League of Legends. They offer for Jeno to play with them, but he doesn’t know where to start with it, and would rather play something more horror-like, so Jisung starts playing those games with him.

They fall into a routine. Jeno picks Jisung up first thing in the morning, and then drives him home in the afternoon. Jisung’s mom doesn’t have to worry anymore about Jisung getting to school and home okay. Jisung gets shotgun, even when Jaemin and Renjun are with them, and he gets to choose whatever music he wants.

The team gets confused when they suddenly start talking in the locker rooms. Jisung becomes so much more talkative with Jeno in general, stopping him as they pass each other in the hallways to tell him something cool he thought of. Jisung loves space, and wants to be an astrobiologist. He regales Jeno with space facts, and Jeno enjoys sitting back and listening.

As it turned out, Renjun had invited Jisung to one of his horror movie nights, but Jisung declined. Renjun didn’t say Jisung declined because of Jeno, but he didn’t have to, Jeno figured it out anyway. He quickly amended the issue, inviting Jisung to the next one, promising he’ll be on his best behavior.

And that’s how Jeno ends up on the floor in Renjun’s basement, sitting in between Jisung’s legs, trying to ignore his heart pounding out of his chest on a Saturday night. He tells himself it’s just a reaction to the movie, not least because Jisung keeps jumping behind him and, in turn, making Jeno jump. Though he’s never had that issue before, not even when the movie nights started and Renjun used to hide in Jeno’s sleeve.

Jisung’s jumps serve well as a distraction, otherwise Jeno fears he’d spend the night trying to listen to whatever Jaemin and Chenle were gossiping about. It was annoying. Jeno was used to Chenle talking through movies, that wasn’t much of a surprise, but Jaemin was usually a lot quieter. As glad as Jeno was that they were talking again, it was starting to frustrate him.

Jeno tilts his head back to see Jisung, and his heart leaps when Jisung looks down too. He rolls his eyes in Jaemin’s direction, hoping Jisung understands the question being asked: “are they annoying you too?” Jisung nods, trying to stop himself giggling.

Renjun jumps on the coach next to Jisung, accidentally kicking Chenle in the process. They all laugh as Jaemin rubs Chenle’s back, cooing and babying him. “That’s what you get,” Renjun says. “Shut up.”

“You did that on purpose!” Chenle accuses Renjun, and Renjun neither confirms nor denies, though the way he laughs, collapsing into Jaemin’s side, gives him away.

They all focus on the movie again. At some point Chenle shifts to sit in Jaemin’s lap, leaving Jeno lonely on the floor.

Jeno looks up when he feels a tap on his shoulder, meeting Jisung’s eyes. “Bathroom,” Jisung mouths, and Jeno shuffles forward to let him out. He watches as Jisung heads up the stairs into the bathroom, a cheeky idea entering his head.

Jeno brings a finger to his lips as he stands up, creeping over to the empty seat as if Jisung upstairs could hear him. Renjun and Jaemin roll their eyes while Chenle laughs until he gets jumpscared by the monsters on the screen.

When Jisung returns a few minutes later, Jeno pretends not to hear him walking down the stairs. There’s a cough behind him, so Jeno turns to face him. “Hi Sungie,” he smiles innocently, and Jeno doesn’t miss the smile creeping up on Jisung’s face.

He doesn’t respond, only walking around the couch and sitting in Jeno’s lap. He places himself directly in Jeno’s line of sight, moving whenever Jeno attempts to move, so Jeno starts tickling him. As a last resort.

The movie is fully disrupted at this point as everyone is distracted by their antics. Neither boy notices, however, too engrossed in the battle at hand.

They only stop when Jisung falls onto Renjun, then off the couch onto the floor. Jeno kneels down to meet him, and Renjun sees his opportunity to stretch his legs out in the empty seat. Jisung breaks out into a fit of laughter, pointing at Renjun past Jeno, laughing so hard his head hits the hard floor.

Jeno doesn’t focus on Renjun for long, quickly putting his hand behind Jisung’s head to cushion any more contact. Despite it all, Jisung keeps smiling and laughing, and Jeno really doesn’t want to move from their position.

Jisung moves first, sitting back against the couch, grabbing onto Jeno’s hand and pulling it with him. Jeno follows. Jisung lets go of his hand once, and Jeno suddenly feels cold, missing the contact, wishing Jisung’s hand was still wrapped around his wrist.

It’s a strange feeling, one he hasn’t felt for a long time. Not even with Renjun when they were together did Jeno ever long to hold someone’s hand. At least, not like this.

Next to him, Jisung’s fiddling with the strings of his hoodie, twirling them between his fingers. It doesn’t help, in fact it makes it worse, because Jeno seriously can’t stop staring at them. He wants to grab his hand. He wants to intertwine their fingers, as casually as he used to with Renjun.

But he was dating Renjun. He dated Renjun for two years. He and Jisung haven’t been friends for two months, and have already become so comfortable with each other.

The realization hits him like a punch in the gut, zoning out as the movie continues playing in the background. It explains a lot. It isn’t like it’s a hard conclusion to come to: he thinks Jisung’s pretty, he’s cute, he’s sweet, and he makes Jeno act stupid in ways he never has before. It’s actually so obvious.

Jeno has a crush on Jisung.

Since then, they became inseparable. Aside from the obvious classes, and being forced to have separate lunch periods, Jeno doesn’t leave Jisung’s side.

It reminds him of when he was dating Renjun, except without all of the isolating, gooey, disgusting couple stuff.

In fact, the biggest divider between them is physical touch. Jeno learns that neither of them are keen on initiating any sort of physical contact. Since that day in Renjun’s basement, they barely touch each other. Jisung flinches whenever their hands brush, and Jeno’s stomach plummets each time.

Even when Jeno spots a stray hair hanging just above Jisung’s eyes, or when Jisung does something especially sweet and Jeno just wants to smother him with love, he doesn’t. One particularly painful moment had Jeno staring at Jisung’s thigh for probably the entirety of the car ride home, desperately wanting to reach out and touch him.

Whether Jisung is feeling the same, or it’s just Jeno’s slightly pathetic crush, he doesn’t know.

Jeno does try to distract himself from the crush, but it rarely works. He accepted a confession from Minah, who’s had a fairly obvious crush on Jeno for years. They go on a date. Jeno likes her. But the whole time he’s checking his phone hoping Jisung will text.

She doesn’t even ask for a second date, which would probably bruise Jeno’s ego a bit if he didn’t completely understand.

He’s playing better on the field, although he still gets distracted by Jisung, now finding it hard to look away when the other boy is just so attractive. Somehow, with his roots growing out, he still looks good. Jeno would argue he prefers that to the completely bleached hair.

They spend most evenings together, sometimes working through homework, playing video games, or just hanging out. They stay at each other's supper, and become familiar with their families, and for Jeno, he really feels welcome spending time with Jisung and his mom. He hopes Jisung feels the same.

One night, they’re in Jeno’s room, on Jeno’s bed, after Jisung just beat his ass at Mario Kart. Jisung’s lying next to him, looking up with those big shiny eyes. Jeno’s heart skips a beat as he takes the other boy in. His piercings shimmer in the light, the lip ring accentuating his pouting lips. And his hair is still growing longer, getting fluffier by the day. Jisung kinda looks like a puppy like this, Jeno thinks.

He reaches a hand out to touch the other boy’s hair, tangling his fingers through it. Jeno wants nothing more than to stay like that, for the rest of eternity, but he knows that can’t be. He cards his hand through Jisung’s hair one more time before moving away, the moment long gone, with a gnawing feeling that something important is missing.

“I want a new piercing,” Jisung sighs, breaking the quiet tension, getting up to check himself out in the mirror. That's another thing Jeno learns about Jisung: he's very confident in his appearance, and with a face like that, he has every right to be.

Breaking the tension doesn't help Jeno relax. It makes things worse, actually, as his mind starts rushing to all the places Jisung can get pierced. “I mean there’s no point because I won’t be able to play, but-”

“Where?” Jeno asks, trying to seem interested. Which he is. He is interested. Even if the thought scares him a little (or a lot).

“I don’t know, maybe another ear, or maybe, like, a belly button piercing,” Jisung starts, but Jeno doesn’t hear any more. He can’t hear any more through the loud ringing in his ears. His heart is hammering in his chest, his head goes fuzzy, and suddenly the room is so hot he almost can’t breathe. All he can think about is Jisung with a belly button piercing.

Jisung’s blissfully unaware while he rants about piercings, and that makes it even worse. It’s so unfair that Jisung has no idea of the effect he has on Jeno regularly, nevermind now.

“I’ll probably get it when I graduate, because I can’t get one while I’m playing soccer, and I’ll be moving out for college soon so my mom won’t know I broke our deal, again.”

“Why? Was five the limit?" Jeno jokes, finding it odd that a mother would draw a line at so many piercings.

“No, one. She nearly killed me when she saw my lip,” Jisung laughs, and that shocks Jeno. He knows Jisung, he knows Jisung isn’t the soft-touch he initially had him pegged as, that he’s stubborn as all hell when he wants something, or when he thinks he’s right. But Jisung’s also very sweet, and he respects other people. To think Jisung has gone against his mother’s wishes four times stuns him.

He’s glad for it, though. From an aesthetic point of view, of course. He can’t deny that the piercings make Jisung even more attractive than he already is (which is completely unfair, in Jeno’s opinion), and now the proof that underneath that shy, sweet, goody-two-shoes exterior, there’s a rebel hiding underneath.

“Have you ever considered getting one?” Jisung asks, taking Jeno totally off guard. He shakes his head, almost cautious as to where the conversation is heading. “You should, you’d look good.” Jisung offers.

For a minute, Jeno considers shutting it down, desperate to move on to any other topic in the world. Then he thinks about Jisung, about how Jisung said he’d look good, Jisung thinks he would look good. His entire thought process is just Jisung, Jisung, Jisung. He knows it’s not an offer for Jisung to take him to get his ears pierced, but suddenly he wants to get them pierced as soon as possible.

Jeno feels incredibly out of place. He isn’t experienced or knowledgeable on the topic of piercings, he doesn’t know where to start asking questions about this. Looking at Jisung’s piercings doesn’t help, either, as it easily overfaces him.

“What kind?” he blurts out, stopping whatever rambling Jisung was on about. Jisung looks at him confused, Jeno realises he’d probably changed topic while Jeno was still dwelling. “Like what kind of piercing?”

“Probably just a lobe, because you’re still doing sports,” Jisung replies. “You want one?” Words fall flat on Jeno’s tongue and he only nods to answer.

So the plan’s set in motion.

The second Jisung goes home on Friday night, Jeno tells his mom that he’s going to the mall on Saturday in anticipation for the morning, when Mrs Park will likely call to ask if she knows anything about Jeno going to the mall with Jisung. This way he doesn’t have to rush to tell his mom first, but he still has to be awake when Mrs Park rings, just in case she wants to speak to him too.

It makes him feel sneaky, like some kind of super grand master mega planner, even if it’s just regular teenage antics. Jeno thinks he’s gotten more rebellious recently, which is definitely Jisung’s influence, and he’s not complaining.

Jeno has about ten dollars of his own money left, as well as the usual twenty-five bucks his mom gives him whenever he goes to the mall, so he’s more than prepared to pay for the piercing. Jisung says he’s gonna ask for fifty dollars, but it’ll be more like thirty when he’s done negotiating with his mom, anyway, in case he spots anything he wants to buy too.

They have three goals to meet, not including buying food, when they’re at the mall: 1-get Jeno’s ear pierced (mandatory!), 2-buy some regular earrings for Yeeun in case they’re seen around the shop, 3-buy at least one other (piercing-unrelated) object each so they don’t raise suspicion. Jeno’s opting to look for a beanie, even though it’s April and hardly beanie weather, to hide his ear until he gets home. By then it’ll be too late and his mother will have to deal with it.

She’d probably approve, if Jeno asked her. But compared with Jisung, it feels kinda pathetic to ask his mom for permission. Besides, he’s eighteen. He can do what he wants (within reason under her roof).

The plan works perfectly, Jisung gets his mom’s permission to go to the mall, and Jeno picks him up as soon as Jisung texts to let him know. (Jeno’s already been driving in circles a few blocks away in anticipation, but Jisung doesn’t need to know that. He says he was speeding when Jisung asks how he got there so quickly.)

As soon as they arrive at the mall, Jeno forgets how overwhelming it can get. He doesn’t go shopping very often, and if he needs new clothes or wants a new game, he usually buys them online. The last time he visited the mall was probably when he was still with Renjun, and even then, Renjun always led the way.

Thankfully, Jisung’s been to the mall a few times, so Jeno follows him through all the crowds and straight to Claire’s.

Jeno cocks an eyebrow as they stand outside, looking at the shop as if it’s about to attack. It’s full of young girls and their parents, as well as a few boyfriends of older, alternative girls. None of it screams ‘Jeno’. If any of it.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Jisung reassures him. though it isn’t much comfort. Jeno honestly spent the whole night reading articles and horror stories about piercings: people who passed out, unhygienic piercers, and a professional almost tearing someone’s ear lobe when they nearly dropped the gun.

Jeno brushed them off before, knowing Jisung wouldn’t let anything like that happen. But standing in front of the store, he’s not as confident.

“I’m here, I won’t let them do anything to you,” Jisung snaps Jeno out of his worries with his soft, comforting voice. He’s looking down at Jeno so kindly, so sweetly, that Jeno can’t even think of a response. So again, Jeno can only nod, and let Jisung lead the way in.

“Jisung! I thought your mom said no more!” a girl behind the register calls out as they walk through the doors.

Jisung chuckles, “She did,” he confirms. “I’m here for my friend.” The girl notices Jeno for the first time, looking him up and down. Jeno feels a little self-conscious around this stranger.

“Are you sure you want this? You look like you’re gonna be sick,” she checks, probably thinking he’s made a mistake. Jeno nods, but it’s not enough. “I can’t do it if you don’t say it.”

“Can we just get it over with?” Jeno asks, making the girl behind the counter laugh. She leaves her workspace and motions for Jeno to follow, asking for his name as they walk to a wall displaying so many different types of earrings.

“Jeno.”

“Okay Jeno, I’m Giselle. Do you have any allergies?” He shakes his head. “Then pick anything you might like from here, then we can get on with the piercing.”

Jeno looks at the wall and he tries, he really tries, to pick one out, but he can’t. He’s overwhelmed by all the choices, even without thinking about what would look good on him. Jeno regrets not discussing more with Jisung, at least asking what the piercing should look like.

So he turns to the expert. He looks to Jisung for an answer, because it was his idea, he said Jeno would look good. Surely Jisung should have an opinion on what piercing Jeno should wear.

Like a mind-reader, Jisung takes one look at the wall, and pulls one off. It’s a silver stud, small and plain, and practical.

Giselle takes Jeno over to the piercing station and pulls out a stool for him to sit on. While she’s disinfecting everything, Jisung holds out his hand. “It’s gonna hurt,” he says when Jeno looks at him questioningly.

It takes a minute for Jeno to actually understand what he means by that, or rather what Jisung’s offering. His cheeks burn red as he realises, and reaches out to hold Jisung’s hand. There’s a giddy feeling rising up from his stomach, like the first time he kissed Renjun.

Only seconds after Giselle asks Jeno for the okay, she puts the needle through his ear. Pain shoots all over. He’s definitely grateful for Jisung’s hand in his, though the way Jisung’s face scrunches, Jeno knows he’s definitely paying for lunch. As an apology.

“Does it usually hurt this much?” Jeno asks when they’re in Jisung’s bedroom. They achieved everything they set out to do, even if a little unconventionally. Jisung, finding Jeno’s pain hilarious, just laughs, even when Jeno kicks him, he stays flat on the bed, laughing.

Mrs. Park didn’t comment when Jeno walked in wearing a beanie, and the boys headed upstairs without saying a word.

Jisung showed him how to clean the piercing, if Jeno ever has to do it alone. It’s unlikely with Jisung in his life, but he supposes he should be prepared anyway.

They’ve been talking all afternoon, or rather Jisung’s been talking, about teachers, the upcoming game, and just about anything else, but Jeno hasn’t been listening. He’s far more focused on what happened.

Aside from the pain from his ear, Jeno’s hand is still tingling where Jisung held it. They argued for a while in the food court about who should pay, with Jisung eventually letting Jeno pay, but not without a fight. Jisung insists that he expected Jeno to squeeze his hand that tight, and offered his hand anyway. Jeno still wanted to make it up to him, considering Jisung was still struggling to stretch his hand out fully without grimacing in pain.

Jeno’s heart races as he watches Jisung talk animatedly, or more specifically watches all of Jisung’s hand gestures, wanting to reach out and hold his hand again. He’d really like to.

He could ask, but would that be pushing it? Would it be too weird, or crossing some kind of weird barrier? Jisung’s hand was warm when they were in the shop, and he really craves the touch again.

Before he gets the chance to overthink any more, they’re both called down for supper.

“Jeno, that’s a nice hat, but do you mind taking it off at the dinner table?” Mrs. Park asks before they start eating. Clearly, they hadn’t planned so far ahead, because Jeno just looks to Jisung for help.

He doesn’t get any, so he has to come up with an excuse on his own. “Can’t I keep it on? I-I’m a bit cold,” is the best he can think of on such short notice. Mrs. Park obviously doesn’t believe it, especially not when Jisung’s next to him trying (and failing) to hold in his laughter.

“In April?” she asks rhetorically, and Jeno’s forced to pull it off, revealing the small stud on his burning red earlobe. She doesn’t say anything at first, looking between the two of them suspiciously. “Please tell me you got that done at the mall.”

“Yes.”

“Good. I was afraid I’d have to kick him out if he put a needle through your ear,” she says, and Jeno feels himself exhaling. Jisung protests at the lack of faith, but it falls on deaf ears. “Your mom didn’t mention anything like this.”

The boys go silent at the other end of the table. Mrs. Park sighs. “That’s still on the table,” she warns her son.

“It was my idea,” Jeno defends him.

“Under his influence, no doubt,” she replies. “Thin ice.” Jisung salutes her like an army soldier, though she isn’t impressed. With his other hand, Jisung reaches under the table and squeezes his hand, a small celebration of victory.

Jeno stays over that night. When he goes home the next morning, his mom yells at him for half an hour, before kissing him on the cheek and asking him never to do that behind her back again.

Week’s later, Jeno’s alone. He’s alone at a stupid party he never wanted to be at, listening to the stupid music playing, and sitting on the stupid couch next to a stupid couple making out.

To rub salt into the wound, he offered to drive, and is now painfully sober. He doesn’t even like alcohol usually, but he has an awful itch under his skin that could probably be solved with a drink.

Logically he could. His friends are nowhere to be seen, and haven’t been for a while. Donghyuck went off somewhere with Mark, Jisung went out to get some air, and Renjun, Jaemin, and Chenle went missing soon after. Leaving Jeno alone.

He fishes his phone out of his pocket. He only has ten percent left since his sister came home from college and decided her phone battery was more important, so it’s just enough to text Renjun that he's gonna wait in his car.

Or it would be if he had any data. Which he doesn’t. Because he must’ve used it all by texting Jisung again.

So he’s staying on that couch, trying his best to ignore the couple who should really just get a room.

“Jisung!” Jeno calls out once he sees him, rushing over.

When Jeno reaches Jisung, he stinks of alcohol. It makes sense, since they’re at a high school party, but Jeno still scrunches his nose up at the smell. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Jisung says, automatically clinging to Jeno.

“I’ve been in the same place all night,” Jeno replies. If they were in the light, Jeno’s sure he’d be able to see Jisung’s cheeks turn red, along with the tips of his ears. The thought made Jeno’s heart race, suddenly wishing they were anywhere else so he could see the blush.

“Do you- do you wanna get out of here?”

“Yeah, can you just text Renjun we’re waiting in the car? I’m out of data and I don’t want to look for a router.”

“I think they’ll be fine. Chenle’s taking them home,” Jisung responds. It takes Jeno by surprise, because usually if they’re getting a ride from someone else, they tell Jeno. Jisung must notice Jeno’s confusion because he adds “they’re dating,” which doesn’t clear anything up, but Jisung’s so cute, Jeno can’t find it in him to be upset. At least not with Jisung, but he’s definitely gonna be mad when he sees the three of them on Monday.

The penny must finally drop for Jisung, because his mouth hangs open. “You didn’t know?”

“I didn’t know.” Jeno confirms. “Don’t even think about it,” he warns, though, as soon as Jisung opens his mouth, because he knows Jisung far too well and knows the younger’s gonna apologize for no reason.

“I’ll tell Junnie we’re leaving.”

In the car, Jisung’s leg is bouncing and he keeps looking over at Jeno like he wants to say something. It’s painfully distracting, and puts Jeno on edge. “I swear, if you apologise, I’m gonna throw you out of this car,” Jeno threatens at the same time Jisung blurts out “Do you wanna get something to eat?”

“Where do you wanna go?” Jeno asks, reaching over to put his hand on Jisung’s leg. To stop the jittering, of course. No other reason.

“Taco Bell,” Jisung says quietly, but Jeno still hears it. He rolls his eyes, knowing it’s in the other direction. He can’t say no to Jisung for long though, so once he’s found a safe place to turn his car around, he drives Jisung to Taco Bell.

He’s too soft. At least where Jisung is concerned, so he pays too. Mostly because the other boy forgot his wallet. And because what Jisung wants, Jisung gets, when he’s with Jeno. He’s starting to think Jisung’s catching on to that fact, the way he acts all innocent and sweet to get whatever he wants from Jeno, like some kind of manipulative mastermind.

It works, unfortunately. He does whatever Jisung wants.

“Thank you,” he says, mouth full of a crunchwrap supreme. It would annoy Jeno if he didn’t find the other boy so endearing, even when he’s drunk, so he just smiles, eating his own food. Jisung starts rambling on about the stars, and Jeno listens as closely as he can, even if he doesn’t quite understand.

“Is that better?” Jeno asks, looking at the empty wrapper. Jisung nods while sipping his drink loudly. “Good.”

Jeno’s bringing Jisung back to his house, because it’s much easier to sneak in there than it is Jisung’s. And, anyway, Jeno won’t get in as much trouble for taking care of his drunk friend than Jisung will for getting so drunk, so it works out both ways.

“Thank you, Jeno~” Jisung repeats as Jeno helps him get changed into some sleep clothes (that are too small because they’re Jeno’s, but he’s trying his hardest not to think about that). He notices all the bruises Jisung once had are gone, and a sense of pride swells in his chest, at the realization.

Staring is creepy, though, so he pulls the t-shirt down over Jisung’s head and pushes him down to lay on the bed. Jisung is no help as Jeno tries to pull his pants off, moving around restlessly, and in none of the directions that would actually help Jeno. He eventually manages, and decides it’s probably best for the both of them if he lets Jisung sleep in his boxers. It’s not like Jeno hasn’t seen Jisung in nothing but his underwear before, so this is a step up.

Jeno’s about to leave when Jisung grabs ahold of his wrist, tugging him back. “Stay,” he murmurs.

“I have to get changed,” Jeno argues. Jisung grumbles, but he still loosens his grip on Jeno’s wrist.

He can feel eyes on him as he gets changed, staring him down. He would be self-conscious if it wasn’t Jisung, who he’s changed in front of many times and has never had a single problem with. Except as he does, he notices Jisung isn’t just watching. He’s checking him out.

To make matters worse, he’s biting his lip. while looking like a predator watching his prey.

Jeno would be lying if he said it didn’t make him nervous, or that it doesn’t make his heart flutter a little bit. He tries to ignore it all, because Jisung is drunk and that’s inappropriate, but Jeno can’t say his heart wasn’t beating out of his chest as he crawled into bed with Jisung.

Like something in him switched, Jisung lays his head down on the pillows, suddenly sleepy. It makes Jeno’s head spin how quickly drunk Jisung can move from one thing to the next. He’s smiling sweetly at Jeno, sickeningly sweetly, in a way that makes Jeno want to eat him. It doesn’t prepare him for what’s said next.

“Jeno,” Jisung starts, and Jeno hums in response. “Will you kiss me?”

Suddenly, the wind’s flying out of his lungs, and Jeno’s struggling to breathe. He questions if he even heard it right, but Jisung’s so close he can’t have misheard.

He’s about to deny, tell Jisung it’s a bad idea, until he speaks again. “Please?” Jisung begs, and everything in Jeno caves.

He still has some moral consciousness, though, even as he gives in to Jisung’s manipulation again, so he leans closer and places a soft kiss on Jisung’s forehead, close to his hairline.

When he pulls back, there’s a pout on the younger’s lips, the one that always drives him insane. He leans in again, this time with a small, gentle peck on the lips. It’s hardly even a kiss, but it cheers Jisung up, and that’s all Jeno wants.

Much to Jeno’s shock, Jisung falls asleep within minutes, perfectly content with his kisses.

Jeno knows they’ll have to talk about it in the morning. He knows whatever they’ve just done—whatever he’s just done—could change pretty much their whole friendship. But really, Jeno just hopes he gets to kiss Jisung again. Properly. When he’s not drunk.

For now, though, he’ll just watch Jisung as he snores lightly, in Jeno’s bed, in Jeno’s clothes, after begging Jeno to kiss him.