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The nighttime air of the City at this time of year is crisp.
The roof of Mephi is cold and stinging but Kiya finds it to be a comfortable place to be right now. The bandages pressed against his cheek and wrapped around his hands keeps some of that chilling breeze off of him, but he doesn't shiver. A blaze in his heart needed some time to cool off and he didn't feel that was something he could find within the cabin nor corridor.
He lies down on the roof, drowning himself out with the distant sounds of the Backstreets, far off from where they parked for the night. He can't help but look up.
After so long within the metal box maze of Hongyuan, he became too accustomed to the Backstreets being filled with artificial skies, if that. It's like he forgot that the skies too were once natural, a thing that wasn't just another technology that the tech companies of the City were trying to uses to squeeze out every ahn from him they could.
But faintly, if he continues to stare upwards into that endless void above his head, he makes out the faintest echoes of light. The faintest trace of a star. He wonders if this one is what Faust is always telling Dante about, followed by the thought that it isn't all that impressive. The sky is, of course, drowned out by the blaring lights of the City after all.
Kiya thinks for the briefest moment that maybe it could be a breathtaking sight for him. Not right now though.
Right now he feels… numb almost. Or maybe it's burnt out. Nothing feels right in this moment and he doesn't feel anything about that. Normally, it'd be of great concern to him, but not right now. Not after…
He closes his eyes and lets the subtle breeze wash him over with cold air. At least for another hour, he wants to just lie down up here and be allowed to lie down in solitu—
"Oi."
The voice feels like nails on a chalkboard to Kiya, as his eyes tighten. A seething feeling in his chest tightens and he feels the fire flare, but only for a moment. Dread rushes in to replace it.
Footsteps that are lighter than he recalls moves towards him, but slowly and cautiously. It's not something he would think he would have ever heard out of Heathcliff. The other man seems to shuffle and then take a seat upon the rooftop next to him if the noise was anything to go by.
Kiya slowly opens his eyes, not very wide, and examines his new surroundings. He's too tired, too scared, too… numb, to move more than he is right now.
And there he sees him. Curled up, head pressed into his knees, staring off into the horizon granted by being atop Mephi. His heart aches at the sight.
Wings…! Maybe he did feel like he should surrender himself to the corridor. He turns away and closes his eyes again to keep himself from falling further down that train of thought.
Cautiously, carefully, a hand reaches out to him and rests on him with an uncharacteristic gentleness. It jolts him to attention.
"I —shite…— I'm not mad with you."
Heathcliffs voice is softer than Kiya remembers it. In his defense, the last time he remembers hearing it, he was being yelled at.
"I just need you to know that."
A dead silence passes between them, Kiya staring at the hand resting on him. With a twitch, the arm pulls back. And then the person. Heathcliff leans and begins to pull himself off the ground when—
"No," Kiya speaks with a hoarse voice. It makes him struggle with his next words.
"I was wrong. You have every right to be mad with me."
Another silence.
"Don't. I'm. This isn't pity searching, or trying to deny your statement. I'm just… I need to own up to this."
Without having had realized Kiya has pulled himself up from the roof, now sitting with his head pressed against his knees.
"I'm sorry."
He isn't sure what is even happening now. Part of him is waiting to another punch to the head. Wings know he felt like he deserved it after what he just said.
Always, always, always, always he was told to never put himself before other people. Always, always, always, that it'd make them feel worse.
Always that if he did something like this, he'd have just been making it about himself. Stupid stupid stupid.
For what it was worth, Heathcliff had for a brief moment considered punching him. But only for a moment as he hears that tremble in Kiya's voice, that same one from his sobbing. It never felt good for him to punch down on someone who was already suffering in their own regrets. Not like this at least.
It's not a full punch, but he does knock Kiya in the head with his knuckles.
"You sure were wrong!"
The hand that knocked his head is placed on it instead and ruffles his hair instead. Kiya looks up from his knees, eyes watery at the edge.
"I get it though. You feel like shite and then you want to wreck everything you see, no?"
Kiya makes a noise of displeasure, maybe even embarrassment but he doesn't deny the statement. He gets his hair ruffled again.
"Look, it ain't like I'm a stranger to that sorts of feelings, so I ain't gonna blame yous too hard."
A pause.
"Can't say I wasn't mad for a bit, but I get it… speaking from personal experience."
They sit there, in silence, less uncomfortable than the last. Kiya isn't sure if he should even be allowed this sort of comfort but he slowly pushes his head into Heathcliff's hand, still buried in his hair.
It's nice, but he still feels so sad.
"Do…, this is so stupid, you've felt that sort of pain before, right? That sort that feels like your whole heart is being squeezed?"
"Hu-wh? I, hell, I have but why ya gotta know that?"
"Well, that's what I felt… feel… when I see you."
The hand on his head tightens ever so slightly.
"Oh. Hells."
"I just… I felt that when my mother had something happen to her when I was younger, and I always get so scared if I feel it."
Kiya's put his face between his knees again, curled up like a child thats been left alone somewhere. It's a little hard to see compared to how he normally presents himself.
"You really wanna talk about this? You don't usually bother bringing up stuff from back in the day and you'll usually clobber anyone of us who asks."
"I do. It's why I hurt you."
"'aight. Can't do nothing to stop you if you feel the need."
Heathcliff lets himself sit down more comfortably. Knowing someone like Kiya, so closed off and quiet, he probably has a lot to say. If whatever he's got hidden away was enough to make him burst out like that in the bus, it was going to be a lot.
"Something happened to my mother and I thought she'd been dead, although now I have reason to believe it's something else. But I don't know where she is. But she was taken from me, and I can't find her anymore. And it hurts a lot."
His eyes narrow. Someone being taken away from him. Yeah. He knew that too well. Not that he could tell Kiya about any of that even if he wanted to try.
"I get scared… that I'm going to have to see another person I care about fade from my life, get taken away from me, and I won't be able to do anything about it. It's terrifying."
Kiya bites his tongue. He knows he's going to sound stupid saying something like this aloud but… it's not like he'll say the other half of it.
"I don't want to lose you like that."
Heathcliff looks at Kiya with conflicted eyes, before pulling his head into his chest, dragging the whole Sinner down into leaning against him. The smaller man struggles against the sudden motion and fails to pull himself free from his grip
"You ain't gonna get rid of me just like that, daft bloke!"
"It ain't like that!"
"Then how's it like?" He grips Kiyas head under his arm in a loose headlock, using both his hands to ruffle his hair.
"I… I don't want to tell you that! It's not important!" Kiya starts to gently bite on Heathcliff's arm. It doesn't even begin to break skin, much less leave a mark. It felt so safe compared to the bite marks still scabbing over Heathcliff's hand.
"Ha? Even after you just told me all that? It's worse than that??"
"To me! To me!"
One of the hands pats his face before giving his head a rub.
"You think it'll scare the shite outta me? Make me think you a right bastard? C'mon, I still don't hate that fishy lass. And it can't be worse than her."
"There's a yet in that statement."
"Don't push it."
Kiya settles down from the biting at his arm and instead just presses his face into the skin. It's kind of wet still from all his saliva… ew. Being all close like this while mulling those words over in his head… that feels selfish, like he's taking advantage of the situation and his cluelessness. But he does think it feels nice somehow.
Bad Kiya.
He blows a short raspberry against Heathcliff's arm as a huff and then takes in a deep breath.
"I didn't tell you why I felt that pain yet."
"Oh."
Knowing Kiya was to continue with his rambles, he releases his head and lets him right himself.
"You know how I said that I hated you?" Kiya can see Heathcliff bristle subtly. "It isn't… wholly true. I just don't like feeling that pain when I see you. That's what I hate."
"Lad, you know that's a minor difference, no?"
"I'm not done!" Kiya whines. It's petulant and a little uncharacteristic. Cute even, if the circumstances were different.
"I… can't say I don't know why I feel that way. I very much do. But it's… a lot."
"Name something we've gone through that hasn't been a lot."
"That's besides the point."
Kiya buries his face in his hands and musses up his hair, putting off those words as long as he can.
He's right though isn't he? It can't be worse than anything Ishmaels said or done to this point. Surely it can't. Especially now that if he can say it, surely, surely he can just let it die in his chest. At least he could get some damn closure, knowing he'll just be rejected outright. It'll… hurt less!
Yeah! Surely! It's gotta!
"I… It's hard… I can't…"
"You can do it, lad. Take your time."
A deep breath.
"IhaveacrushonyouanditmakesmychesthurtallthetimebecauseItoldmyselfsometimeinthatmanorwewenttowithyouthatIwouldn'ttellyoubutIdon'trememberwhyanymoreandithurtssomuch!"
"Wo-woah, shite, slow down! I didn't catch none of that!"
Kiyas face scrunches up and he looks at Heathcliff with a pained if saddened shine in his eyes.
"I said. I had a crush on you and I told myself, made a promise even, that I would never tell you, but I don't remember why I made that promise anymore. It's fuzzy and gives me a headache when I think about it, and it's probably because it's dealing with this whole crush thing. And because I can't remember but I am very keen on keeping my promises, it hurt a lot when I saw you because I couldn't tell you anything, or else I'd feel like a horrible person."
Oh.
Ohhhh. Uh oh.
Heathcliff's head spins from all of that, not that he didn't hear it, but because that… he can probably make a lot of guesses about what he's just been told. But more vitally… KIYA HAD A WHAT?!
"But it's fine because I told you now, and you'll tell me off, and then I can put all that behind me and I won't ever have to worry about feeling like that towards you ever again!!"
Kiya takes a deep breath and sighs. Silence.
"I don't know if getting that out actually makes me feel any better."
He looks at Heathcliff, still reeling, and makes a face of shame at the continued silence.
Wings dammit! It's not like he just had to bare his whole heart for his curiosity, at least give him a response!
"Ah… Haaah…" Heathcliff sighs. "That's a lot to process, lad."
Kiya mashes his face into his hands with embarrassment. Okay! Guess he'll just wither away on the spot!
"I told you I didn't want to tell you," Kiyas voice is muttered and he sounds a little bitter about it. Couldn't blame him for that.
"I… bugger. I'm glad you told me, but I'm gonna need more time than this to process all of that, or something like that."
He hangs his head with a feeling of defeat. That frustration when you just want something to be over and it just isn't, the endgoal just keeps running away from you over and over and over and over until you exhaust yourself in the process. That's what he felt like.
His whole body is shakey and he feels exhaustion gripping him. It almost feels like he can hear a faint rumble.
Wait.
A rumble?
"Heathcliff." Kiya's voice goes dead serious, no sniffling.
"What time is it?"
"Last I checked it was about 2:45 in the morning. What's it to you…?"
The rumble gets louder.
Kiya scrambles up from a sitting position and makes sure he's left nothing on the roof.
"Get inside Mephi! Get inside Mephi!! Get inside Mephi!!! GET INSIDE MEPHI!!! NOW NOW NOW NOWNOWNOW!!!!!" he screams, pushing at Heathcliff.
The desperation in his little voice causes Heathcliff to leap into action, literally jumping off of the roof to the bus door with Kiya tucked under his arm. He might not be certain why he's all panicked but he sure doesn't want to mess around and find out if he's this frantic.
The bus door swings open and they two fall in as the rumble grows unchsracteristically loud, and they stare for only a minute more before a blur of metal and red swarms the bus.
3:14 AM.
The Night in the Backstreets.
Understandably terrified, the two share a look and then back to the window, then back to each other.
Heathcliff is the first to break the silence.
"Probably time to go to bed, innit?"
"A–ah…! Probably."
Kiya collapses onto the bus floor as Heathcliff starts making his way to the corridor. He pulls himself off the ground a second later and start to pull down a sack from the metal luggage storage and places some portable bedding behind some of the seats.
It's hard to feel comforted by the blurs wiping past the windows, given his prior track record with Sweepers, but in here he's safe. He collapses onto the blankets and wraps himself up cozily and snug.
The corridor swings open and he turns his eyes to the back of the figure walking through.
"Night."
"Mmmn, g'night."