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Ever since Yoshiki could remember, he always secretly hoped his best friend Hikaru was his soulmate.
Despite how the odds were stacked against him, he still hoped it was a fluke that he never reciprocated the pain that his playful friend would experience. The facts were facts as plain as the day. As much as Yoshiki would discreetly roll up his pant legs to check his legs for bruises after one of Hikaru’s soccer matches, there was never a single coloured splotch that he knew his friend had.
Even before Yoshiki fully understood how soulmates worked, he found himself glancing at Hikaru after he had yanked a loose baby tooth out to see if he was grimacing in pain like how he was. His friend had only laughed at his misfortune, free of the shared pain a soulmate would experience.
Yoshiki told himself that it didn’t matter that Hikaru wasn’t his soulmate. Soulmates were a rare occurrence, and something someone like him definitely shouldn’t expect. A simple look to his parents was all that was needed. People still married even if they weren’t soulmates. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, but still possible.
Eventually, Yoshiki could only assume he didn’t have a soulmate at all. Never before had he felt another’s pain or found unexplainable marks on his body. It was a lonely feeling, one that only amplified as he grew up and harboured a crush he knew he shouldn’t have. It felt like punishment for not being normal and liking girls.
So when winter brought bitter winds to Kubitachi, and Hikaru climbed that damn mountain and disappeared, Yoshiki had no idea if he was okay. The only way to confirm his friend’s status was to go out and search for him.
Putting on a coat and ignoring his little sister’s protests, he escaped into the rain and darkness. Lying motionless among the foliage in a bright orange coat so different from the muted tones of the forest was Hikaru. Dead Hikaru.
Yoshiki had already been experiencing a dull ache of pain throughout his entire body that he had chalked up to him stressing over his missing friend and inadvertently coming down with something, but at the sight of his best friend, the sensation that his entire world was caving in took over him.
He fled not long after, no longer even aware of where or who he was. Somehow, he ended up back at his house, curled up in a ball in the darkness of his room as he sobbed.
For the next few days, he hid in his room, barely able to stomach anything. The ache returned, never having left, and his mother assumed his fragile state and aches and pains must be him coming down with something. He, too, could only assume that he had caught a cold when he scaled the mountain, despite how no cold remedies or medication helped.
After those few days of in and out of consciousness following when he had seen his best friend’s corpse, two miracles happened. One, his aches and pains vanished out of nowhere, and two, Hikaru was found and alive in the hospital.
After racing to the hospital, he burst into the room Hikaru was staying, convinced this must be some terrible prank the village was playing on him. But, no, there was his dead best friend sitting up in the hospital bed, bathed in the sunlight pouring through the window as if it shone just for him. He turned his head, saw Yoshiki, and grinned with all his teeth as if nothing was the matter.
And Yoshiki couldn’t say a damn thing.
For the next six months, Yoshiki played the game this ‘thing’ that took over his best friend’s body played. Everything about the situation was insane, burying him over the head in guilt, but how could he turn away? In all the chaos and his conflicted feelings, he barely noticed how he would get the odd small marks on his body and feel the faintest sensation of pain at random despite how he would literally just be laying in bed reading manga. It was so faint, it was barely noticeable, and how was he supposed to keep track of everything when he was pretending there wasn’t a monster impersonating his best friend?
The first instance he really noticed something odd was happening was when Yuuta had begged him and their friend group to join him in walking home through woods that he swore was haunted.
There was that thing with the creepy neck that he had accidentally looked at. Next thing he knew, he swore he was going to die, and just as it reached him, there was a sudden bang. At the same time, pain erupted in his nose as if he had taken a fist straight to it. Tears sprang forth to his eyes, but the sensation faded as soon as it had started, leaving him reeling for all of a moment before there was a thump from behind him.
Hikaru had fallen to the ground, lying passed out on his back and sending Yoshiki into a panic as flashbacks from seeing his friend dead on the mountain surfaced. He came to just as Yoshiki reached his side, blood gushing from his nose.
Yoshiki barely heard Hikaru ask if he had a handkerchief, too stunned at the sight of the bright red blood smeared over his face. Subconsciously, he raised a hand and dabbed at his own nostrils, but found his fingers came back dry.
It must have been a side-effect from that thing in the woods. Even as Hikaru explained that he ate it, but it fought back, resulting in the nosebleed, Yoshiki was convinced the two instances could not be related.
Yoshiki didn’t have a soulmate. He knew and has known since a very young age that there was no other half for him. It was the world’s curse on him for not being normal.
Whatever it was, this meant nothing.
When the two boys got in their argument after school in the classroom, and Hikaru’s true monstrous form was unleashed and infiltrated Yoshiki, Yoshiki didn’t know the bruised handprint he was getting was being mirrored on Hikaru’s arm too.
Part of the reason Hikaru regained control over himself was because of the unfamiliar sensation of a bruise forming on his own arm. As he forced his monstrous portion to retreat back into the corpse he was occupying, he glanced at his aching arm.
While Yoshiki panted, sprawled on the ground and trying to gather his bearings, Hikaru tilted his arm at a different angle to get a good view of the mark. He put his hand over it, covering it entirely as a perfect match.
From Hikaru’s memories, Hikaru knew exactly what this meant, but it didn’t make it any less puzzling. How was he, a soulless monster a soulmate to a human? Hikaru wasn’t soulmates with Yoshiki, so how could he be?
Regardless of the nonsense of it, as Hikaru stared at Yoshiki, he was overwhelmed with nauseating guilt and alarm. What soulmate attacked their soulmate like that? Yoshiki was and is terrified of him! How could he not be?
Before Yoshiki could notice it, Hikaru healed the dark bruise tainting his wrist, erasing it from his body like it never existed to begin with.
As much as the idea of being bound together in such a special intertwined way with Yoshiki thrilled Hikaru, he knew Yoshiki would resent the notion. So he fled, ashamed of his actions, and promising to keep their relationship a secret.
Yoshiki learned he indeed somehow had a soulmate the night of the festival. It was just after their trio of him, Hikaru, and Kaoru, decided to go see what was set up closer to the shrine. He and his sister passed through the gate leading to the shrine grounds when all of a sudden his hand erupted in pain as if he had grabbed a handful of hot coals.
He jumped, not expecting the sudden pain. Behind him, Hikaru stood just beyond the gate with a frown. He said something about having to pee and for them to go on ahead, which resulted in Kaoru dragging her brother further in as he squinted at his palm.
It didn’t look like much, just red marks over his skin. Honestly, it reminded him of what it would look like if he had fallen off his bike and scraped his palm against the concrete.
Maybe that is what happened to his soulmate? But why only now is his soulmate getting injured?
“Brother? What happened to your hand?” Kaoru piped up next to him, giving his arm a tug to bring him closer for her to peer at his injury.
“I…I dunno,” he muttered, as lost as her. “It just happened.”
Kaoru’s eyes grew wide, arriving at the same conclusion as he did. “Your soulmate!? Do you think…?”
Yoshiki scoffed, hiding his hand from her sight. “It’s probably nothing. I shouldn’t have a soulmate.”
His sister pouted, jutting out her bottom lip. “Don’t say that. You deserve to have a soulmate.”
Yoshiki was at a loss for words. It just didn’t make sense. He looked at his hand again, finding the pain had gone away. His eyes widened as he stared at the familiar sight of his unmarred skin.
What. The wound was gone!?
Was that normal for soulmate marks? He didn’t think it was, or at least he didn’t recall anyone saying the other only gets the pain and marks temporarily. It should be a perfect match with his other half, no?
Nothing about his life made sense anymore.
Yoshiki received no more signs that his soulmate was out there after that. He did receive a thin wound above his cheek bone as well a bite mark on his arm after the wig ghost had entered him, but everything that happened was so foggy that he could only assume he had inflicted those injuries upon himself in his struggle to drown Hikaru.
As they sat with the door open, drying off and staring into the night, Yoshiki could not help but notice the guilty look Hikaru gave the bandage covering his arm before glancing at his own matching one.
He almost thought he had been imagining the whole soulmate situation at the festival, and he especially pushed that thought aside after Hikaru tried to kill Asako. After giving Hikaru the best day he possibly could, he left him to watch the video of their classmates at the choir competition.
The black hilt of the kitchen knife was a terrifyingly grounding weight in his hand as he gripped it so hard his knuckles went white. He forced himself to relax his grip, emptying his mind for the task ahead. All he had to do was stab him in the chest. Everything would be over. Everyone would be safe.
Hikaru softly sang the song Remnants in time with the classmates he had come to call his friends. Yoshiki willed his spirit not to break as he turned around, hiding the sharp blade behind his back as he approached the monster he had befriended.
His steps were deafening to him, each one slow and precise like a prisoner being led to the gallows. Hikaru remained glued to the screen, smiling and entirely unaware of what was to come.
Without another thought, Yoshiki plunged the knife into his chest, grabbing Hikaru in a cruel mockery of a hug. Hikaru gasped and the phone fell to the floor with a thunk, cracking the screen, but it fell on deaf ears as Yoshiki was suddenly overcome with the most painful sensation he had ever experienced.
His chest stung like a fire iron was shoved into it. It felt as if his heart ceased to beat as pain became all it known. He fell away from Hikaru, landing on the floor on his hands and knees as violent coughs wracked his body.
His hands were marred with blood, but that was nothing compared to the red blossoming over his heart, staining his white school shirt. He sat back on his legs, raising a hand and covering the sudden wound he had gained as he gasped for air.
His thoughts began running rampant, but as he glanced back at the horror-stricken look Hikaru was giving him, everything fell in place.
He had just stabbed his soulmate. His soulmate… Hikaru. Not his best friend Hikaru, but the thing that took his place.
“So, you hung out with me because you wanted to kill me?” Hikaru asked in a small voice.
Yoshiki wanted to say he hung out with him to give him a last nice memory, but he was too busy grappling with the fact that this thing was his soulmate. The matching bite marks, the strange injury on his hand, the synchronized nose bleed — it all made sense now. But there was one thing that didn’t.
Yoshiki tore his gaze off of the bit of Hikaru’s true form leaking from his right eye like a tear, and looked down at the dark handprint bruised into his arm. This was the proof of how intertwined they were, that Hikaru had marked him, and yet, there was no matching one on him.
“Where is your mark?” Yoshiki rasped out, ignoring Hikaru’s plight.
Hikaru’s nose scrunched up temporarily before he caught on. He reached over and clasped a hand over where his matching bruise should be.
“I healed it. I…I thought you would be ashamed to have something like me as your soulmate.”
Yoshiki’s eyes widened and moistened. “You’ve known since that long?”
With reddened cheeks, Hikaru lowered his head in shame. “Could you blame me? I mean, you did just try to…”
He didn’t finish the sentence, leaving it to hang in the air as Yoshiki curled in on himself, horrified at what he had done.
“Just kill me.” He had failed to kill Hikaru, and failed spectacularly at it too. He didn’t even feel the pain in his chest anymore.
Hikaru shuddered. “Yoshiki…do you actually want me to kill you?”
Yoshiki didn’t even know. He was just so miserable now. Wasn’t finding your soulmate supposed to be one of the happiest moments of your life? Yoshiki felt as if his world was collapsing around him.
The agony on Hikaru’s face was enough to finalize his decision. He had hurt him enough.
But then, Hikaru gasped, and his gaze cleared to become determined.
Before Yoshiki could ask what realization he just came to, Hikaru unbottoned the top few buttons of his shirt. Yoshiki could only stare, not ripping his gaze away in embarrassment like he used to do with Hikaru. He watched, stricken, as Hikaru reached into the hole in his chest, digging around in there for a long moment.
“What are you doing?” Yoshiki asked, voice wavering.
“Just sit tight.”
Yoshiki blinked, and the next thing he knew, he was face down on the floor, writhing in agony as what felt like half of him was getting ripped apart. Distantly, he was aware of Hikaru making similar sounds of pain, but he couldn’t open his eyes as he tensed his whole body.
As the overwhelming pain receded after a final scream from Hikaru, Yoshiki fought to regain his breathing.
“Yoshiki,” Hikaru started, voice ragged.
Yoshiki forced himself to get to his knees, but he shook in place. He looked up to find Hikaru extending his hand to him.
In his hand was a small piece of bone. Yoshiki gaped at it. Had that come from inside of him!? It must have.
Hikaru managed a small smile, but his gaze was solemn as he said, “I want you to have this. I don’t know how it is possible for something like me to have a soulmate, but I think it is only fair you deserve to have half of me considering you are my other half.”
Yoshiki felt like he was underwater. His vision swam, but he managed to focus on Hikaru.
“Without this, I am smaller and won’t be able to hurt anyone as easily.” His voice lowered until it was a whisper. “So, please, don’t push me away anymore. I finally found a purpose — a place where I belonged. It is you, Yoshiki. This feeling means more to me than anything else in the world.”
What was Yoshiki supposed to say in response to that? Especially since he, as human as he was, felt the exact same way deep down. There was nothing he could think of, so he did the only thing he could do. He reached out and took the xiphoid process from Hikaru.
He clutched it as close as he could to his heart as he looked up into Hikaru’s eyes, losing his breath somewhere in the exchange.
“I will stick with you to the end,” Yoshiki mumbles. “No matter what.”
Tears welled up Hikaru’s eyes. He shuffled closer like he meant to get up and get closer, but stilled as he looked down at the knife still sticking out of his chest.
Frowning at it, he grabbed the handle and pulled it. Yoshiki and him both shared a wince, feeling the sting at the same time.
“That…hurt?” Hikaru muttered under his breath, sounding at a loss as he examined the blood-covered knife like it was some anomaly.
“It’s supposed to,” Yoshiki replied with a small huff of laughter.
Hikaru shot him an anxious look as he set the knife aside. “I healed myself, so you should be good now too.”
Yoshiki peeked under his shirt and found that despite all the blood smudged there, there was no wound.
Should he thank him? Before Yoshiki could, Hikaru slid off the bed, landing on the floor next to him on his knees.
He reached out and grabbed Yoshiki by the shoulders, pulling him close and embracing him in a hug.
Yoshiki’s breath stuttered in his chest as he felt the warmth of the other boy’s body pressed against his own. Hikaru hooked his chin over his shoulder, sniffling as he gripped his back hard, bunching up his shirt.
“I never want to lose you,” Hikaru whispered in his ear. “I know it is selfish of me, but I’m so happy to be your soulmate.”
Yoshiki clamped his mouth shut, only just now realizing it was hanging open. Swallowing hard, he asked, “Why is that selfish?”
Hikaru nuzzled into his neck, causing Yoshiki to blush, his whole body tensing up and probably making him uncomfortable to hold. Hikaru didn’t seem to care, and admitted in a shy voice, “You can’t see it, but your soul is so beautiful, Yoshiki. The fact that I am somehow destined to be with someone as kind and lovely as you are makes me so happy. I feel so lucky and like I don’t deserve to be with ya.”
“Oh.” Yoshiki shuddered. His hands moved on their own in the delight that he tried his hardest to ignore that rose up with Hikaru’s confession. He returned the hug, holding Hikaru close as he allowed this one moment of forbidden sweetness to occur.
Hikaru sniffled again, but sounded a lot happier this time. He suddenly pulled away, holding Yoshiki at an arm’s length and getting a good view of the scarlet hue to his face.
Yoshiki forgot to hide under his bangs, keeping his head up as he stared into Hikaru’s eyes.
Hikaru leaned closer, keeping his gaze intent on him. Softly, when he was at the point that he knew Yoshiki usually pulled away at, he asked in a tiny voice that barely contained his excitement, “Can I kiss you, Yoshiki?”
Yoshiki startled as if Hikaru had returned the stab from earlier, plunging a knife deep into his gut. He flung himself away from him, sprawling backwards and landing hard on his butt.
Hurt flashed across Hikaru’s face, but Yoshiki was too busy spiralling to rectify it.
“Wh-What!? Why would you—” Yoshiki choked on his words, fighting to breathe.
Hikaru followed him, scooting closer on his knees and entering the gap where Yoshiki’s legs were spread apart when he fell, not letting him close them and keep him away.
“Because we’re soulmates? I may be new to this, but I at least know we’re supposed to do that.”
Yoshiki half sat up, staring in terror at Hikaru despite how his heart raced less so out of fear but elation. He still knew how wrong all of this was. “No… It—it would be bad. It’s wrong.”
Hikaru lowered hand and intertwined his fingers with Yoshiki’s where his hand was palm down on the floor. “I don’t see why it would be a bad thing? I’d like to kiss you, Yoshiki.”
Yoshiki flinched. He found himself glancing at the door, paranoia deep in his bones, despite how he knew no one in his family was home.
“We are soulmates,” Hikaru insisted. “How could it be wrong? It is just us, Yoshiki.”
Yoshiki still carried a deer-in-the-headlights look, but his shoulders did relax from their taut position up to his ears. It was just him and Hikaru here.
No one would have to know. It could be their secret.
Not believing that he was actually doing this, he gave a small nod of assent to Hikaru.
Hikaru shot upwards, back going rigid. A giddy smile lit up his face as he beamed at him, all crooked teeth and snaggle-tooth on display.
Taking the bull by the horns before Yoshiki could change his mind, Hikaru leaned forward and pressed his lips firmly against his.
Yoshiki gasped, unsure, but was quick to relax into it. As wrong as he knew it was, he couldn’t deny the fact that it felt nice. Really nice.
He wrapped an arm around his neck to help keep him upright, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.
The sensation of something cold and slimy sliding over his hand that he swore Hikaru was still holding caused him to snap out of the pleasant state of bliss he was in. He pulled away from Hikaru, glancing down at their joined hands.
Sure enough, worming its way through his fingers and crawling up his arm like a snake was Hikaru’s monstrous form. It leaked out of his fingers in tendrils, captivating and breath-taking despite how unknowing and adrenaline-inducing the sight of his real form was.
“Hikaru,” Yoshiki mumbled, breathless. His entire arm was tingling, and the hair there stood up on end.
Hikaru stopped adventuring up his arm, and he gave him a pleading, watery-eyed look. “I want to be as close to you as possible.”
Yoshiki flushed which is impressive considering how red he already was. “You can’t just say things like that.”
Hikaru jutted out his bottom lip in a pout before closing the gap between them again. He peppered his lips in brief, but tender kisses this time. Eventually, Yoshiki freed his arm from around his neck and placed it against his chest, keeping him at bay.
“Th-that’s enough,” he managed out between breaths. If they kept going, Yoshiki would pass out.
Hikaru accepted it, but flipped around and snuggled close to press his back against him, half in his lap, and half on the floor.
“Y’know Yoshiki,” Hikaru started in a lazy drawl that contradicted the manic beating of Yoshiki’s pulse, overwhelmed with the fact that Hikaru was in his lap. “Despite how you tried to kill me, I really do think this was my favourite day yet. You succeeded in giving me a perfect day.”
“That’s…good?” Yoshiki wheezed out.
Hikaru hummed, snuggling back into him. His monstrous tendrils were being good and not sneaking their way into him, remaining wrapped around his arm in a hug. He yawned and said, “We should just stay like this forever.”
Yoshiki privately agreed. But that wasn’t possible. “You’re out of here when my mom comes home.”
He could already predict he will get a scolding from her for skipping school.
“Right…” Hikaru shifted in place, glancing down at his blood stained shirt. “Also you should probably do something about all this blood. You stabbed me so I think it is only fair you do the cleaning.”
He snickered after saying it, which made Yoshiki blanch. Could he really be joking about it so soon? Well, he supposed that was Hikaru for him.
Reaching up and ruffling his white hair, Yoshiki said, “Fine, you baby, I’ll do it for you.”
Hikaru whined, but didn’t move away from his hand. He did turn his head after a moment and look into Yoshiki’s eyes, showing the pleased expression on his face.
“Maybe we can skip school again. I’d like to go on a proper date with you,” he admitted.
Yoshiki tensed, but soon relaxed. To everyone else in the town, it would be two best friends hanging out, but just between the two of them, it could be a date. The thought of future dates and days spent with Hikaru made his heart feel light.
The thought of him becoming too tangled with Hikaru didn’t seem like a threat to him anymore. After all, soulmates are supposed to be so intertwined that they feel every bit of hurt from small to harrowing pain from the other as if it were their own.
He smiled, knowing without doubt that there was nothing in the world that could come between them. “Sure.”