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Yuna came home; she was-tired, ready to fall into bed, but most importantly excited to see her son. He hadn’t been distant, not in the slightest, but he moved out. Officially moved out, even in the summer now. It felt silly to be excited like this, but it was like a slice of her old life was back. She was about to loudly announce to Shane that they should go out to eat, have fun, get a few drinks even when she pauses in the doorframe.
Her son, her baby, was curled up on the couch with his thumb in his mouth. The act in of itself wasn’t unknown to her, a constant uphill battle since he was small. He did stop, she worked hard for that, but she can even remember during the prospect cups him sucking his thumb. He swore up and down it wasn’t a thing anymore. When she saw him in the hotel, wide awake, before the draft she had let him continue.
That day the nerves were too much. He felt sick to his stomach most of the day and he couldn’t calm down. Even a workout didn’t calm him down that day. He swore it was the stress, but he was actually doing okay. Swore up and down. Now, she has to question what is so distressing on a random Friday in January that they’re back to square two. Square one would be wide awake and sucking it, but maybe wide awake and watching a movie would be one point five. She needed a better crisis point system.
She shouldn’t need a point system for this at his age, but here she stands. She means her head against the doorframe. Either she wakes him up now or he potentially doesn’t sleep tonight. If she wakes him she ruins this perfect bubble for him. He looks peaceful and calm, a sharp contrast from how he’s been looking. She could just start dinner and then wake him up, she can keep an eye on him. If he’s stressed enough to be sucking his thumb again, she can’t imagine what’s going on.
She looks in the fridge, David is the cook in this marriage, always has been. She will have to do though. There’s a difference in waking up to a home cooked meal versus waking up to take it being delivered. She moves about the kitchen, pulling chicken out and putting it in the sink to thaw. She hopes he eats chicken, his diet got tighter and tighter. She never really kept up and she constantly fell behind knowing what he currently ate.
“Mom?” She swears she hears mommy, would swear on it in court, but this is her son. He hasn’t said mommy in ten years.
“Yeah baby?” She pauses, looking worried.
“When did you get home?” He’s stretching some, she notes he doesn’t remove his thumb.
“Not too long ago. You just seemed peaceful.” He nods.
“I got home at three, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I know, but we all need a nap sometimes.” She walks over and sits next him. She can finish dinner in a bit, it’s not like anything is thawed anyway. He pops his head up and crawls a little closer, laying his head in her lap.
“When does dad get home?” They had discussed this multiple times over the last week. She brushes her fingers, tracing his face slowly. He looks younger than he has in a while when she focuses on him. It’s behind the eyes that seem younger or maybe it is the fact he has the same lisp she grew accustomed to when he was growing up.
“He gets home Tuesday. Remember?” She asks gently.
“Forgot.” He mumbles, he looks lost when she looks in his eyes. She keeps tracing slowly. They can order in, he looks content and honestly she just would burn the chicken.
“That’s okay. Did you want to do anything tonight?” She had a moment thinking maybe he would want to go out with his friends, well before she got home she did. She hoped he would even want to see her for a short time. That’s why she planned on dragging him out with her for the first bit of the night.
“Can we watch a movie?”
“We can, are you sure? We can go out or you can go out.” She offers, he shakes his head no.
“A movie.” He decides for them.
“What are you feeling for dinner? Ask carefully, you remember when I set the waffle iron on fire?” He giggles, the giggle she remembers from years ago. He giggles and smiles up at her.
“I don’t care.”
“Okay, what movie? I think dad picked up the new Hunger Games, but don’t quote me.”
“Dinosaur movie.” He has curled himself again, like he’s embarrassed.
“The Jurassic World one? I know dad picked that up during Christmas.” His facial expression tells her she is wrong. “No? What dinosaur movie?” She asks.
“Little foot.” She has to dig through her memory to a movie called little foot… she can remember a movie from a long time ago. She probably hasn’t seen it since Shane was a freshman in high school who deemed himself too old for it.
“The Land Before Time?” She asks, granted a little confused.
“Yes.” He rolls back again.
“I think we have it somewhere. Let’s order in, can you look on your phone or else you’re just getting pizza and you don’t eat that anymore.” He giggles again before digging for his phone.
“‘Member eggs?” He asks her and she laughs out loud.
“Well, I do, but now you’re a Garden-gorging, plant-popping, tree-tasting, dirty-devouring beast!” She tickles him some before pausing, he’s still laughing loudly, thumb now out of his mouth. He’s in his twenties. He isn’t five or six anymore, but he seems to genuinely be liking this. The worst part? God, she missed this.
“Eggs-actly.” He giggles up at her.
“Eggs-actly.” She agrees, remember when David first say that to him when he was singing the song. The song that made her want to bash her head in the wall makes her reminiscent of an easy life.
“Can we get poke?” He asks, looking up still.
“Oh, now that sounds good. You know dad, he isn’t the biggest fan.” She comments and he hands her his phone. That she finds odd too, he had been very protective and secretive of it as of late.
She leaves the bathroom in her pajamas, her hair still pulled up when she sneaks a glance into the living room. Shane is curled up some, throw blanket across him, thumb in his mouth again. She could almost write off when he was sleeping and waking up, maybe that was left over from when he was little. She used to excuse the same thing.
“Shane?” She asks, leaning against the doorway.
“Yeah?” He looks up from his phone.
“Are you feeling okay?” She smiles softly.
“Yeah, why?” She can’t ask what she’s thinking. She wants to ask what’s wrong? When did this start again? Should we talk to someone? Should we do something about it?
“Just making sure. Can you find the dvd. I think it’s in the old car sleeve.” She nods towards the entertainment center and Shane nods, sliding off the couch. She walks in her room and sighs heavily. The weight of knowing potentially something that’s important. What if something is really wrong with Shane? What if he’s just anxious? Isn’t that a thing now? Finding your inner child or whatever? Maybe he’s just doing that. When she walks back to the living room Shane looks ready to hunker down for the movie.
“Where are you going?” He asks when she goes to sit in the one chair.
“Do you want me to sit with you?”
“Yeah.” He nods at her, looking a little hurt. She sits down and he adjusts, resting on her.
“You’re sure you’re okay?” She brushes hair off of his forehead.
“Yeah, mom. Promise.” He says.
“You can tell me anything.”
“I know, can we watch it now?” She smiles, kissing his head.
“Yeah. We can.” She hits play and realizes she forgot how goddamn sad this movie is.