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zane was aware of his big fat crush on wren (or at least thats what hackle called it, he himself preferred the term “platonic friendship”) for years now, it all started in his last year of highschool;
Wren was away during summer break visiting family in Poland or something like that Zane hadn't really listened, now he found himself missing his dear friend so much he stayed up all night just to talk to him.
It was now around 6 am with no second of sleep and Wren would text soon. Zanw had figured that out over the past 3 days, Wren always called 3 pm his time.
The harsh blue light illuminated his face, red eyes stared back at the monitor screen. Stuck in a strange discussion on 4chan about just another snuff movie he would never have the balla to actually watch, while he waited, and waited and waited and why the fuck was wren still not calling?
tapping his fingertips over the crack in his table as the words were blending together and his vision melted into a blurry mess.
His heart began to stung, bitter and cold that wouldn't seem to heat up anytime soon if his stupid phone wouldn't ring in the very next second.
Thuds from the hallway woke him up again, the muffled talking from his parents kept his mind busy.
“fuck” he whispered, his dad was getting ready to go to work already. By now they were usually talking already about wrens day and how rusty his polish had gotten over the years or—
loud vibrating sounds coming from his phone.
almost dropping his phone in excitement, he instantly accepted. Loud laughing and talking in the background was the first thing he heard through the speakers.
“zane hello?” Wren said the grin in his voice was heard through his phone.
“oh hi” his own smile creeped on his face.
“Przestań, rozmawiam przez telefon” wren snapped at someone? hopefully not zane. The words were gibberish, but Zane couldn't help feeling his face get warmer at the accent that had swept over to when he spoke English with him.
“sorry dude— I’m at my cousins right now and he—
Nie dotykaj tego!” There was some rustling in the back and a younger kid's voice screaming something.
zane chuckled “its all good, how was your day?” he tried steering the conversation and to actually get some attention.
“Ah it's fine, just been busy with family but I’ll be back in a week or so” he got interrupted by the kids voice again saying something that sounded like a question “zane my cousin wants to say hi” wren sounded annoyed.
that caught him off guard, sitting up a tad bit straighter (even if they couldn't see him) “uh sure”
“Tutaj, ale bądź ostrożny” wren mumbled, some more rustling and then the small boy practically screamed into the phone “cześć.. uh zane?” The pronunciation of his name sounded silly, obviously his accent was worse than wrens but still sweet.
“hi” he cooed into the phone making the kid on the other side giggle “okay enough—“ wren said returning to the conversation “sorry about that”
“Nah, it's fine” zane yawned, rubbing his eyes. Fuck this sleep deprivation was really getting to him now.
“What time is it for you anyway?” “uhh about six-thirty” “pm?” “what? no am”
“It's six in the morning? dude did you even sleep?” Wren sounded amused on the other end.
“yeah? you always call me at this time so i stayed up” zane said as if it was super casual to stay up all night just to get a chance to talk to his totally platonic best friend he didn't have a crush on.
“y’know if you told me that i would’ve called sooner.. or well later”
He didn't respond, he just sat there enjoying his voice, his english got worse by the day or rather the accent got thicker. The way he swallowed the ‘r’ sound or the way every word suddenly ended with a ‘k’ sound.
“zane?”
“yeah sorry, no youre good i dont mind” he babbled stating at the words from a post on his screen ‘How 2 get a bf?’ the thread was tagged under ‘lgbt’ and it made his skin crawl, or rather his actual interest in the thread was.
why did he care to read this even? and most importantly why was this so accurate to how he felt?
the description of feelings for guys and the frustration of not finding people around his area like him.. wait was he like that?
“okay i gotta go now, my aunt made lunch.. talk to you tomorrow?” wren asked after the period of silence between them.
“Alright, I'm gonna go to sleep now” zane mumbled, pulling his knees up to his chest rereading the words over and over again.
“good night” wren chuckled, the sound of the call ending made the pit in Zane's stomach bigger.
his forehead hit his bony knees, why was this all so weird suddenly? he couldnt be gay could he? zane didn't even dare to fully form that thought, it was too raw, too real.
After that night life had changed for zane everything was coated in honey, sickly-sweet some days it made him physically sick especially that day where wren had called him in the middle of the night a few months after graduation.
“i think my dads having a heartattack” his voice was broken by sobs, voice barely above a whisper.
“what?” zane whispered back, squinting at the screen the time read ‘2:33 am’, was this some sick dream?
“zane” you could hear the panic spilling out of his voice “i dont know what to do”
“im.. im on my way” he groaned, getting up groggily and making his way over to wrens house. Luckily he lived just down the street.
anxiety kicked in as he was running down the pavement, with the ambulance parked outside the house, he watched three men get out a stretcher and inside the house.
The feeling of his feet flat on the ground mixed with the burning in his lungs waa taking him out more than the initial shock from the scene in front of him.
Pushing through the front door past the medics he found the old man on the ground clutching his stomach while breathing hastily. Two of the paramedics working on him trying to stabilize the man that zane knew all too well, and wren crammed on the floor, knees up to his chest and clutching his phone.
His tear streamed face made Zane's heart tear into two.
“wren oh my god” zane called out rushing over and kneeing down to him.
“sorry who are you?” one of the men asked while writing something down into a clipboard.
“im zane” “sorry your relationship to..” pointing towards wren. “ best friend” wren snuffled.
“alright good, we’re gonna get him to a hospital, but your dad is in good condition.. here” he handed him the paper that had the hospital name on it. “you can come by anytime” the man sighed.
The two watched wrens dad get strapped on a stretcher and brought into the ambulance. The man disappeared behind the other men, as the door closed the two sat there in the lonely living room.
“its gonna be okay” zane sighed rubbing his back. wren crumbled even more hugging zane so hard they fell onto the floor together, leaving him sob into his chest.
After a few minutes of crying and reassuring wren he could get him to calm down.
“what even happened?” zane asked carefully staring up at the ceiling
“i dont even know.. he just collapsed and couldn't breathe..” his voice was hoarse, his eyes beet red.
“fuck dude” zane whispered “i thought it was a dream when you called me” he sighed trying to lighten up the situation.
“what you often dream about me?” he whispered in the most serious tone ever, it caught zane so off guard it almost made him choke.
“what? no..” zane lied studying the fan on the ceiling.
wren smiled so lightly you’d almost miss it. “thanks for coming over” he whispered
“of course I’ll always—“ he was cut short by a pair of lips on his own, it only lasted a second or half a second even.
zane looked up at wren, the warm light made his face look ethereal. “oh my god— im sorry i dont know why I did that” he yanked himself off of him, sitting beside zane. His fingers were brushing his lips.
Zane also sat up looking at the boy next to him, his insides were burning up and now very aware of how sweaty and greasy his bangs are, how he was still wearing pyjama pants and that stupid tom&jerry shirt he had put on.
“..no its— its okay i promise” he reassured, reaching out to touch the others shoulder but he scooted away just enough for zane not to be able to feel the soft fabric under his finger tips.
“lets just.. forget that okay?” wren asked, voice trembling.
In that very second everything in zane withered, the heat in his face grew heavier and now its not just wren who was about to ball his eyes out until his lung would collapse.
“..yeah you’re right—“ “I— I’m gonna head to bed now.. you should go” wren all of a sudden snapped, looking down at the hardwood floor playing with the bracelet on his wrist.
zane stammered for a second, he really didn't want to leave anytime soon, or at all. The heat on his face, the salty taste still on his lips the way wren smelled so sweetly of sleep and his deodorant from earlier that day.
“just go.. please” he whispered.
“alright” zane swallowed the questions, the frustration. He got up wounded and depressed, he made sure to close the door properly after he left.
The memory of this day still gave him goosebumps, wren never mentioned it again, wouldn't even talk about his dad besides that he survived and everything went well at the hospital. The taste of the spicy food sliding down Zane's throat made him cough.
“how do you even eat that shit?” he weeped in pain, inhaling sharp in between his words.
Wren sat there 7 years later on his couch in Zane's new apartment, he just moved in about a month ago.
Wren grinned amused at his best friends suffering, continuing to eat his (apparently too spicy) food.
“youre just a pussy thats all”
zane shook his head back at his computer, the weather outside caught his attention once again, the blizzard outside was still tearing through New York city.
“dude imma have to sleepover or something” Wren groaned, his head hitting the wall behind him.
“nah im kicking you out” zane grinned, still staring at the screen.
“for what?” he asked playfully offended.
“you just called me a pussy” zane fought back.
after no response came from wren he turned around, looking at his best friend sprawled out on his couch giving him an annoyed look as if zane could say no to that.
“im joking” he sighed, getting up and walking over into his bedroom "I'll get you a mattress” he called over, making his way through the hallway to hackles room.
knocking hard and loud until he heard the obligatory “come in”, in the room he found him at his desk, cs:go open on the screen.
“so uh.. Wrens sleeping over do you know where the spare mattress is?”
the question made him grin and shrug “just let him sleep in your bed” “dude” “wheres the problem? thought you didnt have a crush on him”
zane groaned, turning around on his heels and slamming the door shut behind.
“wren?” “yeah?” zane came back to wren who was just getting up from his previous seat.
“okay so I cant find the mattress.. so you might have to sleep—“
“on the couch?”
“in my bed actually”
zane watched the boy get a bit startled, his smile reappeared quickly “okay”
—
“zane? you up?” wren whispered, the heat of the other boy's body behind his own.
zane made a humming sound in response.
“I.. I’ve been having dreams” “uh huh” “— about you”
“oh”
god this was awkward, zane knew it was gonna be but this just took it to another level.
“what kinda dreams?”
“weird.. dreams” he admitted, shifting awkwardly to face zanes back. Even if it was terrifyingly dark he could still make out the boy's body rise and fall repeatedly.
“that night.. when my dad y’know had his heartattack” Zanes heart skipped a beat at those words.. fuck this is getting serious.
“i keep dreaming about that night”
“okay” zane sighed, turning around to face the other one. His face looked.. happy? maybe? He wasn't sure, it was too dark to really see.
“and then I kissed you” he blurted out.
“you did”
“and in my dreams i do too” “wren that was like forever ago.. its fine really—“
“i think i wanna kiss you again” his voice was so quiet, the cars outside almost swallowed his voice.
zane sighed rubbing his eyes “are you gonna get all weird on me again?” his tone made wren almost regret his words.
“sorry.. i know that was shitty of me” he admitted, his face coming closer a bit, zane could feel his breath on his face.
“wren i had a crush on you when you kissed me and it really fucked me up” zane admitted.
“you.. you did?” now it was his time to be utterly confused.
“and i still do” this was less than a whisper, so fragile and weak. It pulled at wren’s heart strings.
After a period of silence wren came even closer, “me too”
before zane could say anything, he closed the gap and once again for the second time in his life zane felt his lips on his own, yet this time it was realer, a real kiss.
it only lasted for a beat before wren pressed his lips against the other ones again, it was so full of love that you could almost taste the sweetness.
“zane I–” zane hushed him with another kiss, his hands found wrens shoulder, gripping so hard that it left an imprint on his pale skin. Wren enjoyed it, of course he did, yet pushing him away softly to whisper something into the dark that would alter zanes brain chemistry.
“you still taste the same”